Growing Fathers

A Biblical Philosophy of Work

Chris Pennington — Wed, 11 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

When you meet someone new, what's the first question you ask? "What do you do for work?" Work is woven into our identity.

But how should we actually think about it? Many popular perspectives exist:

Work is a burden to survive
Work is meaningless
Work is a means to a paycheck
Work is a source of meaning and identity
Work is a "secular" thing that sits beneath more "sacred" callings

None of these hold up when we look at what the Bible actually teaches.

In fact, I want to call it something other than work. Let's call it our “vocation,” which means “calling.” If we think only about paid work, we miss some of the most important vocations God has for us, namely our fatherhood.

Let’s take a look at what the Bible teaches. We’ll examine three key questions.

1. What is the purpose of vocation?

First, it’s important to note that work is not a consequence of the Fall. In Genesis 1:28, before the Fall, God called people to steward and care for creation (see also Gen 2:15). These obligations existed before the Fall; the Fall only changed the difficulty and nature of the work.

So if work isn’t evil, why should we work?

To imitate God and make him look glorious.

God is a worker, and he calls us to reflect Him. Paul tells the Thessalonians to work in a way that testifies to God about the watching world (2 Thessalonians 3:6–15).

… aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one. (1 Thessalonians 4:11–12)

To provide for our needs.

We work to care for ourselves, our families, and even those who minister to us spiritually (Acts 18:1–4).

…aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one. (1 Timothy 5:18)

To Serve Others

Isaiah 28:23–29 offers a remarkable picture. God describes a farmer carefully working his field (scattering seed, plowing rows, placing crops in their proper places), writing: "He is rightly instructed; his God teaches him."

Even when people don't acknowledge God, God is the animating intelligence behind good work. And through that work, people are fed, housed, clothed, and cared for. When we work to provide for people's real needs, we are participating in God's plan to care for his creation.

To Live Meaningful Lives

In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon concludes that without God, life is empty. But his solution isn't despair; it's delight.

"There is nothing better for a person than to eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil," he writes in Ecclesiastes 2:24. "This also, I saw, is from the hand of God."

Chapter 3 continues the theme: “work and its enjoyment are God's gift to us”. And in Ecclesiastes 5:18–20, he goes further: God doesn't just give us work to do; he also gives us the power to enjoy it. The capacity for satisfaction in your daily labor is itself a divine gift. God wants you to enjoy the things he has given you to do, and when you do, that enjoyment is his hand opening toward you.

2. What is the value of vocation?

Our culture measures the importance of work by salary, title, visibility, and influence. The church adds its own metric: how "sacred" is the work? The Bible pushes back against all of this.

The Reformation gave us a powerful corrective to the secular/sacred divide. Martin Luther was relentless on this point.

“A maid who cooks and cleans and does her work faithfully before God is doing something that "surpasses the holiness and asceticism of all monks and nuns."[^1] Your secular work is sacred. God delights in it. It deserves to be inscribed on every tool, and on the sweat of every laboring face.

So how should we measure the importance of our work? The Bible gives us three questions worth asking honestly.

Are you doing what God wants you to do? Are you knowingly avoiding an obligation you know God has placed on you? A parent who needs care, a duty at home you keep deferring, or a role you're afraid to fill.
Do you find joy in what God has given you to do? Sometimes obligations are difficult, but God intends our regular experience to be joyful. If we're honest, not enjoying our obligations is often a problem with our hearts.
How does God care for others through your work? Luther described Christians as God's hands and feet in the world, the means through which he provides for people who need food, shelter, skill, service, and care. Do you trace your daily work back up to his hand and say, “I'm doing this for God and for the people he loves.”

3. What is the quality of vocation?

The Bible is full of instruction on how we should work as Christians. Here are a few examples:

Heartily. Colossians 3:23 is the classic text: "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men."
Joyfully. We've seen this instruction in Ecclesiastes, but it runs throughout Scripture. God's provision is meant to be enjoyed (Psalm 104:14–15).
Thankfully. Colossians 3:17 says to do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, "giving thanks to God the Father through him." Gratitude reframes everything and reminds you that, even in your obligations, you are receiving gifts from God.
Faithfully. Faithfulness means the same quality whether or not anyone is looking (Colossians 3:22).
Sacrificially. Ephesians 4:28 frames our labor as the foundation for generosity. We work hard so that we have something to give away.
Skillfully. God cares about craft. He cares about excellence. Developing your abilities is not vanity, but stewardship.
Dependently. God expects us to work in a way that recognizes our need for him (Proverbs 16:9, Psalm 127:1).

Conclusion

J.R.R. Tolkien tells a story about a man named Niggle, an aspirational painter with a magnificent vision in his head. He wanted to paint a great tree, with a mountain backdrop and wind moving through its branches. He spent his whole life on it, but he could never fulfill his vision. Not only was he a perfectionist, but he was also constantly interrupted by his neighbor Parish who needed his help. When the time came for his final journey, he had only finished one leaf and he despaired.

When Niggle arrived at his destination, he exited the train to the vision of his tree, finished, its leaves opening, its branches moving in the wind as he had always felt but never quite captured. He threw his arms wide and exclaimed, "It is a gift."

We are all Niggle. Everyone imagines accomplishing great things and finds themselves largely incapable of fully realizing them. Everyone wants to make a difference. Everyone is afraid of being forgotten. And in a world without God, that fear is well-founded, because everything does, eventually, come to nothing.

But if the God of the Bible exists and if there is a true reality beyond this one, then every good work, every good endeavor (even the simplest ones), pursued in response to God's calling, can matter forever.

"In the Lord, your labor is not in vain." — 1 Corinthians 15:58

So work heartily. Work joyfully. Work dependently. Work as for the Lord and not for men. And in the end, God will fill your work full and make your labor last.

[^1]: Moseley, A. (2017). Living Well: God’s Wisdom from the Book of Proverbs (p. 163). Lexham Press.

Book Review: God's Great Story

Chris Lynch — Wed, 04 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

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I have had the privilege of ministering to the teenagers in my church for the past 18 years, early on as a volunteer and then as youth pastor. I thought I had teens all figured out. And then my oldest turned 13 and I realized I had no clue!

In all seriousness, the age of adolescence is a challenging time for teens in many ways. The transformation into adulthood is fraught with speedbumps: physical changes and the hormones that come with that, complex social shifts, the growth of self-awareness, the often overwhelming draw of peer pressure, the busy schedule of school and extra-curriculars, that ever-expanding sense of independence while still being under parental authority… it's complicated!

We are all familiar with those challenges because we've all been there–either as a teen or parent. The teen years are pivotal and also confusing. That confusion can be social or mental, but it's definitely also spiritual. As they get to know the world around them with all its tantalizing but dangerous features, it is absolutely vital that they have an anchor for their souls.

Without a worldview based on absolute truth, the fickleness and complexity of their ever-expanding world coupled with their own sinful tendencies will inevitably produce confusion, doubt and failure. In short, they need to know what is true and for that knowledge and wisdom to be ever growing. As fathers, it's our God-given job to equip and enable them to readily find that anchor they need. And the inspired and timeless Word of God is where we must point them.

As they grow, it becomes more and more important that they learn to seek out truth from Scripture themselves rather than simply hearing it from us as parents. Psalm 119:9-11 makes it clear that God's Word is central to a young person's faithfulness to God and purity from the world. Psalm 1:1-3 and Joshua 1:7-8 emphasize the importance of spending regular and consistent time in the Bible for our spiritual health. We need daily wisdom and knowledge to face daily challenges.

This is not an overstatement: if Christian teens can develop the discipline of a regular time of devotion to God in his Word, they will have developed the single most foundational and beneficial habit of their lives!

Since they often don't know where to start, providing them with practical tools that "get them in the habit" is a sobering but exciting opportunity we have! Finding well-written, guided studies and providing them with accountability to commit to them is one of the most important practical gifts we can give our teens. And God's Great Story: A Daily Devotional for Teens by Jon Nielson and published by Crossway is one I highly recommend. Here are some reasons why.

Offers a great starting point

It can be challenging to find a guided Bible study that fits your child's age and maturity level. While every teen is different, I've found this study to fit well with teens across the maturity spectrum. It is written in a way that is easy for most younger teens to understand, but at the same time challenges the thinking of older teens.

My son is 13 and has been using this book for about 8 months now. I have found it to be on his level, both in terms of appropriateness and application. But I have also given copies to upperclassmen in my youth group who are beginning to commit to regular Bible study. There is a sizeable chunk of Scripture to read each day (see below on how that's a good thing!), so keep that in mind as you consider. It's likely that not every middle-schooler is ready for that much reading, but many will be able to handle it. It shouldn't be an issue for older teens.

Be aware that the study does not shy away from passages that address more mature topics (such as David's sin with Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11). But it does so appropriately as long as families have discerningly begun those discussions with their teens. I'd encourage you to check out the installment that deals with that story (featured on April 23 in the book) as an example of the extent Nielson takes his teaching. You should be able to decide on the level of appropriateness for your teen book-wide from there.

Provides a year's worth of content

Many Bible studies available for teens, while providing excellent content, are done after a few weeks. While there is nothing wrong with shorter periods of study focused on particular topics or portions of Scripture, I've found that it's immensely helpful for teens to have something that will keep them going for a while. This helps them be able to focus on what they're studying rather than wondering where to go next. Also, the longer they have structure, the more likely they will develop the habit of daily reading. Think of what a year or more of consistent time in Scripture can do for a teen's habit development! It'll be a part of his or her daily rhythm.

Features study of the entire Bible

From starting Day 1 in Genesis 1 to featuring the Book of Revelation on the final installments, this book takes your teen on a Bible journey from cover to cover. I cannot overstate how important that is for a teen (or for any of us for that matter)! God's Word is valuable and vital in its entirety. The proper development of our worldview is best pursued when we're seeking and learning from all that God has given us in his Word.

To be clear, this is not a read-through-the-Bible program (though that's a great idea too!). Nielson doesn't cover every passage. But he does walk through the whole story arc of Scripture, leaving no section out. Teens will find themselves reading from Leviticus or one of the Minor Prophets, sections of the Bible that they might not have much interaction with otherwise. Your teen's familiarity with the whole of Scripture will be greatly enhanced by doing this study.

Makes God's words primary

This is perhaps the aspect of this study that I most appreciate. Many guided Bible studies for teens feature a verse or two for the student to read followed by a more lengthy explanation and application written by the author. This study is different because the assigned Bible reading each day is much longer–as much as a whole chapter in some cases. And while that may take more time, we as dads should be most excited about the fact that our teens are reading large sections of God's words.

Nielson's content, while excellent, is designed to supplement, explain, and apply rather than being the focal point. That emphasis on reading the text of Scripture being foremost is the appropriate balance.

Conclusion

Let me provide one more encouragement. The study is laid out for an entire year: 365 studies assigned a day of the year. I'd encourage your teens to not worry about waiting till next January to start! You can start anytime with study #1 and simply read study 2 the next day; no need to follow the dates. With a bookmark they'll always know which day comes next either way.

I am excited to recommend this guided study to you and your teens. What privilege to equip our believing teens to grow in the discipline, knowledge, and instruction of our Lord! Dads, it's fulfilling and encouraging to watch our children grow in their love for God's Word and to see it become a part of their regular routine. As they commit to it regularly, they will find what God said to Joshua in 1:8 to be true for them, too: "you will have good success"!

How to Help Your Children Make Good Decisions

Kyle Grant — Tue, 24 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

The questions come too soon. "Can I watch [fill in the blank]?" "So-and-so is allowed to watch… so why can't I?" "What's wrong with…?" "Am I too young for?" "When can I get a phone?" You know it goes. It's alarming how young it starts.

We need answers for these questions, biblical ones. I want to provide a few principles for what I believe is becoming a lost Christian discipline (or consistent commitment which leads to consistent practice)— discernment. I don't want to be legalistic about discernment, but biblical and practical.

I will use a few examples, not to be inflammatory, but illustrative. Allow me to overview four principles from Paul's prayer to the church at Philippi in Philippians 1:9-11 and then provide some diagnostic questions to apply the discipline of discernment.

1.Discernment isn't a private practice

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment.

Note that Paul connects growth in knowledge (namely of discernment) with growing in communal love. He wants the church to grow in knowledge of Christ and the ability to discern as they grow in their communal commitment to one-another. The idea is that biblical discernment is a congregational benefit. As I grow in knowledge and discernment I am growing my capacity to give gospel-life. If I'm teaching my kids to take care in their decisions, they will bring less sin, less folly, and less vanity into the Christian community. Conversely, disruptions or distractions to true gospel community may be precisely because of poor discernment.

Diagnostic Discernment Questions

I should add, these are questions for you to consider as parents, not necessarily to ask to your kids. Though, if they can provide thoughtful and honest answers, ask them too!

Does allowing this make them a leader or follower?
Are they pressured to do this by any friends or influences?
If they talk about this with friends or classmates, will the conversation please Christ?
If you allow this, will it make them a better encouragement?

2. Discernment prioritizes excellent over acceptable

so that you may approve what is excellent

Look, there's a purpose clause— "so that." We grow in knowledge and discernment so that we discipline ourselves in what is excellent. True discernment isn't primarily a matter of what's good or bad, but what's good and best. We don't sacrifice what's best on the altar of what's acceptable.

Let's reapply the community lens here. When it becomes commonplace for a few children, parents, or anyone, to celebrate what is mediocre in a spiritually undisciplined culture, mediocrity will become normality. We must remember that every millisecond of our life was bloodbought. Our life cost too much of Christ's blood to be lived settling for what is "okay."

Diagnostic Discernment Questions

What philosophies ("knowledge") are they learning from this?
Do we have genuinely thoughtful reasons for what we allow or disallow, or are we normalizing research for good decision making or trust the opinions and choices of others?
Are you willing to be a "weird" parent who lives outside the entertainment norms?

3. Discernment perpetuates the purity of our testimony

and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,

That word "pure" means "cleansed" and "blameless" means "unaccusable." Our lack of discernment may make us accusable of impurity. When our pleasures, celebrations, and heroes are the same as our unsaved neighbors, they know less of the light of Christ in us and more of the same darkness which dooms them.

When we attend the concert on Saturday night to sing songs which normalize the world's sexuality and the world's philosophy, then show up at church on Sunday and sing songs about Christ (sometimes in very similar styles!), it not only confuses our neighbors. It confuses our kids.

Diagnostic Discernment Questions

Are we allowing things in our home that would need to be defended to our neighbors?
Are our pleasures and values actually different from the children and families of unbelievers?
Do we have to tell our kids "don't talk about this or that with [fill in the blank]" fairly regularly?
Are we willing to walk back allowances that we discern as unhelpful or destructive to the testimony of our family?

4. Discernment produces purer worship

filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Look at the two aspects of this verse. First, discernment produces the fruit of righteousness that is grown in and through Christ. And second, it contributes to our glorification of God. So without the discipline of discernment, not only is our communal contribution inhibited, but our growth in righteousness and worship is as well.

Remember, every decision we make produces something (Matt. 15:11). As discernment is productive (it grows something), so is carelessness. If we are rooted by discernment, righteousness will grow and worship will flourish. If we cultivate carelessness and compromise, it will produce the folly of selfishness.

Pressing further into the image, remember the product of fruit began with a seed root. Watching a movie with a hint of impurity, listening to music which celebrates self, or allowing unrestricted video games which tend toward time-wasting may not reap an immediate harvest of perversion, hedonism, and laziness, but a habit of sowing seeds will eventually produce a harvest. As discernment reaps a harvest, so does moral inattentiveness.

Diagnostic Discernment Questions

If you allow this, what is the natural next step or progression?
What do our kids' most-used words, most-sung song, and most-often referenced movies say about the affections of their hearts?
Do your kids know their greatest purpose is worship?
Are you sowing seeds to keep your kids pleased, or to keep them praising?

Dads, we are the content gate-keepers of our homes. Discernment is a commitment to vigilantly guard the gates for the glory of God. I'm praying God strengthens us all for the task.

Good Goals and How to Use Them

Walt Brock — Thu, 19 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

Sometimes we as fathers tend to leave the wisdom and methods of achievement we use in the workplace on the workbench or desktop when we go home. It is natural to want to leave the press of business behind when we go home and just relax. However, as we leave one zone of responsibility for another, we must not forget God-given, biblical, family responsibilities have consequences that affect both time and eternity.

One of the most useful leadership tools fathers can use at home is the setting of goals. However, they must be good goals, and they must be practical for use in the Christian family. First, what makes goals good and what are the keys to using them correctly in the Christian family?

Goals—What Makes Them Good?

Establishing and using goals is no doubt one of the greatest management and leadership tools mankind has ever developed. It is the mother of invention, the motivation of industry, the joy of hobbies, and the tool of accomplishment. Without goals, life would be haphazard, without direction, void of purpose, and downright mundane.

The Dictionary.com defines haphazard as: characterized by lack of order or planning, by irregularity, or by randomness; determined by or dependent on chance; aimless.

Setting good goals and making plans to accomplish them is the opposite of living haphazardly. So, what is a good goal?

Good goals are:

1. Serviceable

They are useful and of value to you. They are dealing with something important enough to you to create both a sense of urgency and importance to you.

2. Specific

They are specific enough to be a fixed target at which to aim. They are not fuzzy or ambiguous. Clarity is at the heart of a good goal; it is definite and certain.

3. Simple

They are realistic and easy to understand, yet challenging. They must be uncomplicated and self-explanatory. Challenge is important to good goals, but they must remain achievable.

4. Measurable

An old business saying states: "What gets measured gets done!" You should be able to count or measure good goals by either quality or by quantity. You must have an objective way to measure their progress and accomplishment. They are not subjective; they are objective in nature. They can be repeatable but should not be open-ended.

5. Sequential

When they are sequential in nature, involve a process, or are achieved progressively, you need to write them clearly, so they do not become fuzzy and hard to measure. An effective way to do this is to divide such goals by establishing a series of objectives that are both sequential in process and measurable in accomplishment.

Use action verbs to write such objectives; include eliminating, complete, create, redo, generate, make, lead, transform, change, study, establish, order, and review.

6. Finishable

You need a method to determine their duration. You must identify a time to start and a time to finish. Make the duration realistic which will challenge effort and reward accomplishment. Without a "time reckoning" aspect, discouragement is likely because no end is in sight.

7. Pleasing to God

Will accomplishing this goal please God (Colossians 1:10; 1 Thessalonians 2:4; Hebrews 13:21)? Will it glorify Him (1 Corinthians 10:31)? Is it God's will (James 4:13-15)?

Keys to Goal Accomplishment

No matter how good a goal you write, if you do not consider and use these keys, it is unlikely the goals will be of value for your family.

Start with prayer for wisdom and guidance (Colossians 1:9-12).
Write your goals down and keep them handy for review. Unwritten mental goals tend to dissolve with time and the busyness of life (Ephesians 5:15-17).
Good goals are consistent with the Scriptures and God's will (James 4:13-15).
Evaluate and review them regularly as appropriate for the duration of the goal. Goals will fade without evaluation (Philippians 3:13-14).
- Daily
- Weekly
- Monthly
- Cycle
Determine the urgency and/or importance of the goal achievement to you, to your family, to others, and to the Lord. Think it through and write a statement concerning this under your goal statement. This is the "why" of the "what" goal. Use this to establish priority and resources (time, effort, cost) you allot toward the goal's accomplishment (Mark 4:18-20; Matthew 6:19-24).
Make sure the goal is truly achievable, both humanly speaking when you count the cost, and heavenly speaking when you consider God's will and His strength working in you (Philippians 4:13; Colossians 1:29). Goals so grand and lofty that they defy the "finishable" aspect of good goals are the things of "vision" and not goals and objectives. Think in terms of AMAP = as much as possible (Luke 14:28-32).
Do not neglect to review your goals and adjust as necessary.
- Set a specific time to review your goals.
- Be willing to take the necessary time to consider and evaluate your progress.
- Adjust as needed – the longer term the goal is set for, the more important it is to review them periodically. Sometimes, adjustments are necessary for goal accomplishment. Doing so will also help one write better goals in the future.

Final Thoughts

I remember well when the reality hit me that I had leadership responsibility in the home. Realizing this was not optional, I broke out in a cold sweat and decided I better get serious about this responsibility.

That realization motivated me to start the process. First, I learned from the Bible what God expected of husbands and fathers. Second, I started reading books by qualified men of God as they wrote about those various areas of responsibility and how to apply what the Bible was teaching.

It was a long and continual process. However, almost immediately I began using some of the tools of leadership in the home to help me fulfill those Bible responsibilities. This led me to using goals and objectives to help me apply Bible truth to the process of accomplishing God's will in our family.

Dads, Your Anger is a Worship Problem

Andrew Lee — Wed, 11 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

Do you have idols on a shelf in your house that you worship? If you’re a Christian with no background in idol worship, this may be a bit of a shocking question. Let’s try this one — do you ever get angry? Maybe your response is defensive. “Everyone gets angry, is it such a big deal?” Yes. In fact, it’s such a big deal that God chose to include a passage about the heart behind anger right after the Fall in Genesis.

Let’s take a look at Genesis 4. This passage offers us some important insights into dealing with anger. It reveals that anger is actually a symptom of something deeper — a worship problem. Anger is like the light on your dash that says “maintenance required.” If you don’t get the engine fixed, serious damage to the engine can occur without more warning.

One quick note: the Bible does talk about both righteous and unrighteous anger. We can distinguish between them by asking a question. On whose behalf am I angry? If the answer is our own, our anger is unrighteous and self-centered. If the answer is God’s, then we may have righteous anger. This article deals with how to deal with unrighteous anger.

Consider these 3 lessons from Genesis 4 to help you deal with your anger.

1. Deal with anger at its root — ask who you are worshipping.

In the first few verses, we learn that Cain and Abel bring an offering to God based on the fruit of their work. Nothing is clearly wrong with Cain’s offering as it is described. The only difference is the contrast in wording for Abel’s offering (of the firstborn and fat portions). This wasn’t a sin sacrifice (the word is the same for a gift or tribute later in the Old Testament), so it isn’t the content of the sacrifice that is wrong.

Hebrews 11:4 gives us more clarity: “By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain…” Abel’s sacrifice was brought in faith, but Cain’s was not. God could see Cain’s heart. There was something that Cain was not believing about God. Cain thought he should be accepted based on his standards, not God’s. He disagreed with God about his decision to reject the sacrifice and became very angry.

Instead of worshipping the Creator, Cain worshipped himself. He wanted recognition and acceptance. He thought he deserved it. When you sense a desire to burst out in anger, ask yourself — who am I worshipping right now? Am I putting myself on the throne or letting God’s priorities rule my heart? Who deserves worship? Start each day with a prayer that includes “your kingdom come” from the Lord’s Prayer. Depend on God to put his kingdom first in our hearts each day.

2. Deal with anger when you fail — accept God’s offer of forgiveness.

God warns Cain in verse 7: “If you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” One of the things that amazes me in this story is how God continues to show Cain mercy and offer chances for him to repent. This is the first opportunity, but God does it again when he comes to Cain and questions him about where his brother is. Cain is obstinate. His heart is hardened. He won’t listen to God’s warning about his anger or accept God’s judgment after he murders his brother. He is still focused on himself.

We serve the same gracious God that warned Cain and offered him the chance to turn from his sinful path. 1 John 1:9 tells us that “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins...” When you see that you have sinned by becoming angry, turn in repentance. Confess your sin and begin to walk with God again.

3. Be warned about the damage caused by a path of anger — it can impact future generations.

Verses 23–24 of Genesis 4 offer a sobering conclusion to the genealogy of Cain listed in this chapter. Lamech, one of Cain’s descendants, celebrates the murder of a young man or child in song. He lays out the disproportionate response — the other person only wounded him, but he killed in response. He also claims that he deserves much greater than Cain, the first murderer, by saying revenge on him should be seventy-sevenfold.

What a sad climax of depravity to a chapter that started with a man who focused his worship of God on himself. What a warning to us who see the engine light of anger going off in our lives.

Let me encourage you as dads that struggle with anger, there is hope. Psalm 19 clearly says that we can grow as God’s Word cleanses us, allowing us to come with words and meditations that are acceptable in his sight. When God is in his rightful place of rule in our hearts, we will not respond to the circumstances of life with unrighteous anger.

6 Ways to Help Your Kids with Doubt

Aaron Berry — Wed, 04 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

Doubt is a common struggle in the Christian life, especially with young people. As they grow and mature, they stop asking what and start asking why. They stop taking things for granted and start examining things for themselves. Because of this, we as Christian parents need to be serious in our effort to help our kids overcome the doubt they’re struggling with.

As someone has been raised in church my whole life, I know what it’s like to have serious doubts that stay hidden. And as I’ve grown and matured in my walk with Christ, I’ve experienced both helpful and harmful approaches to conquering doubt. As you desire to raise up the next generation to love Christ and honor his Word, consider these six suggestions:

Walk through the doubt with them

If your kid is struggling with doubt, she needs your help knowing how to navigate those doubts. First, help your kid identify the source of the doubt. Is it a doubt rooted in morality, emotion, or intellect? Second, help them seriously consider the alternative. If what they’re doubting is, in fact, not true, how would that impact their understanding of the world?

For example, if God doesn’t exist, how does that change my view of reality or morality? Third, evaluate their information consumption. Where are they getting more of their information? Who are the loudest voices in their lives? Fourth, help them pray about their doubts. Rather than wrestle with doubts alone, help them bring them to the throne of grace. The psalmists did this all the time. Finally, show them what it looks like to trust God even with doubts.

Don’t just teach them the Bible, teach them how to study the Bible.

Helping our kids memorize verses and remember all the important Bible stories is about as much as you can ask for when they’re young. But as they get older, we need to teach them how to interpret and study the Word of God for themselves. If everything they know about the Bible has simply been fed to them, what’s to stop them from doubting their faith?

As a dad, my instruction to my kids should extend beyond “Make sure you’re reading your Bible.” At the proper age, I should be teaching them how to consider the context of a passage and how to understand the overarching themes of the Bible so that they can see how each verse fits into the greater story line.

If you want your teen to cling to the faith long after he leaves the house, you must teach him how to study the Bible so that he “may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Tim 3:17)

Expose them to other worldviews

As parents, we’re scared to death of exposing our kids to the vain and godless philosophies of the world. But if we don’t, we’ll lose them. First, come to grips with the fact that it is impossible to shelter them. They’re hearing the philosophy of the world all around them, from the innocent kids’ show on Netflix to their friends at school.

Second, realize that one of the most helpful things you can do for your kids is to train them how to contrast Christianity with opposing worldviews while they’re still in the context of a loving home or church. Don’t dumb down other worldviews, either. Don’t simply describe evolution as something “only idiots believe.” Don’t caricature other religions based on their worst manifestation.

Our kids are not too young to start being trained in Christian apologetics. Give them honest information. Let them know that there are smart, educated people who think Christianity is a joke, and then help them wrestle through the objections.

Then help them see how Christianity is the only worldview that makes sense of the world and how all other worldviews fall flat. Lead them to the point where they can honestly say with Peter in John 6:68, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

Help them feel comfortable asking the big questions

I don’t care how many verses your kid has memorized, how many times she has been to camp, or how involved he is at church, your kid is struggling with some big questions: Does God really exist? How do I know the Bible is true? Is Christianity really the only way? Do I really believe that non-Christians will spend eternity in hell?

Rather than pretending like these will never be questions my kids struggle with, it’s better to simply assume they are (or will be) and preemptively explore these questions with them. Your kid probably doesn’t feel comfortable admitting that he has these questions, and so he may be wrestling in silence. Don’t assume that your kid isn’t struggling just because he’s one of the “good kids.”

Instead, create an environment in your home where your kids feel comfortable asking the tough questions. Assure them that voicing their doubts will be met, not with surprise or confrontation, but with grace and love.

Teach them the importance of the local church

Christianity isn’t designed to work in isolation. God gives us the local church so that “we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes” (Eph. 4:14).

If our kids don’t grasp the importance of church, they’ll see no reason to stick around once the decision is up to them. Without the daily exhortation of fellow believers, they will “be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Heb. 3:13). The key is, your local church needs to be a place where the gospel is actively working, which leads me to my final, and perhaps most important point.

Let them witness Gospel power

Do your kids see the Gospel clearly at work? Have they witnessed first-hand the transformative power of the Gospel by watching your marriage or how you treat them as children? If you want your kids to overcome doubt, then give them no reason to doubt the power of the Gospel.

If a teen finds himself in a church where the Gospel is simply talked about but not lived out; if he finds himself in a home where the Gospel seems to have little impact on the parents’ marriage or family, why in the world would he want to cling to such a gospel after he leaves those environments? Read this carefully: do not expect the gospel to be real to your kids if it isn’t real to you. If allegiance to Christ is simply taught and not caught, don’t be surprised when the younger generation tosses out Christianity completely.

Praise the Lord that his grace is greater than our doubts! While it can be unsettling when doubts arise from our own kids, we shouldn’t be surprised. And we shouldn’t be afraid! God has given us every tool we need to help our kids navigate doubt without shipwrecking their faith.

Growing into a New Year

Aaron Berry, Zach Sparkman, Kyle Grant, Kristopher Schaal — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

At the beginning of a new year, there is a flood of articles giving “tips” or “tricks” to conquer the days ahead, turn over a new leaf, or be the best version of yourself. At Growing Fathers, we don’t want to wade into the self-help genre for many reasons, but we do recognize that some of the best ways to grow as a father is to learn from other dads, even if those lessons are very short or simple.

In the spirit of small but helpful suggestions to your parenting, we have compiled four more lessons from 2025 that can potentially help you become a more Christlike father in 2026.

Aaron Berry's Reflections

Aaron Berry draws our attention back to the basics. Here’s what he had to say:

One lesson I learned in 2025 (and am still learning) is the importance of prioritizing genuine personal growth before practical parenting changes. My effectiveness as a father is only as strong as my personal relationship with Christ.

If I treat parenting simply like a set of strategies to master, without personally walking with Christ, any changes I make as a dad are merely cosmetic. All those strategies and techniques matter, but they’ll only produce surface-level and short-term change apart from a genuine relationship with Jesus.

Sometimes the most powerful influence in my home isn’t what I say to my kids, but who I am becoming in front of them. I want my personal pursuit of Christ, seen in my humility, repentance, grace, and kindness, to set the tone and temperature in my home more than the rules I set.

God grows better fathers by first growing godly men. Sometimes, the most loving thing I can do for my kids is to be faithful in my personal Bible reading, to be constant in prayer, and live a life of humble repentance before God—to be the person I want my kids to become.

Amen to that! If you don’t know Christ as Savior, this is the first step to becoming a growing father: believe in Jesus as the only means of salvation and put your faith in Him alone. Then we can direct our children to know and love Jesus.

Zach Sparkman's Reflections

Zach Sparkman deals with the spiritual aspect of raising children. Here’s what he wrote:

At the tail end of 2024 the Lord blessed us with a new baby, our first girl. My wife and I agreed that our daughter was our favorite person of the year in 2025! Now our children have a ten year age span: 10, 8, 5 and 1. And we discovered the daily challenge of “customizing” our parenting to each child based on their age, maturity, and personality.

When we grow frustrated with parenting, we have learned to step back and take a look at our own hearts. Our frustrations often reveal our unrealistic expectations or sinful desires. As we reflected together, I realized that I was expecting too much of them for the age they were. It is good to have a standard of obedience, but should I be getting upset with a 5 year old or 10 year old if they don’t stop everything they are doing and immediately, joyfully and diligently do what I asked? No. It was pretty humbling to realize I was asking my boys to obey me a lot faster than I myself obey the Lord Jesus.

Our church emphasized showing grace to others in 2025, and I had to learn to encourage them to obey while showing them grace. That means I need to learn to distinguish between sin and immaturity. For example, sometimes an eight year old won’t listen, not because he’s sinning, but because he’s eight. With the Lord’s help, my prayer for 2026 is to build on these lessons so that our family will love and serve one another.

One of our jobs as dads is to foster the right atmosphere in our homes.

Kyle Grant's Reflections

Kyle Grant mentioned a habit he developed in 2025 that helped both him and his family:

In preparation for this, I asked my wife how I grew as a dad in 2025. She said I have been more present. She didn’t mean I’ve been around more. That hasn’t increased or decreased. She meant I’ve been more present when I am present. For this, I credit the discipline of “clock-out yielding.” And I commend it to you. I started it sometime in March. On my way home from work I yield as many things as I can think of to Christ. I yield my pastoral worries, my unfinished tasks, my frustrations with self, etc.

All of my life is Christ’s anyway. Yielding admits and rests in this reality. It relinquishes specific struggles to God’s sovereignty. It is a spiritual pressure valve release. It keeps our spiritual struggle, work frustrations, relational tension, or other stresses from leaking into our family interactions and physical presence. When we leave our stresses and frustrations at the throne of grace, we won’t bring them into our homes.

Finally, it is good to take time away from the regular pressures of life.

Kristopher Schaal's Reflections

Kristopher Schaal’s lesson from 2025 dealt with vacations:

This year, I was reminded of the value of purposeful vacations. I planned two trips for our summer. First, I took my wife to a cabin for our anniversary. The trip was low-budget, and we did a lot of nothing, but the rest and quality time were life-giving. Second, our family went on a road trip to Utah. I preached at a camp during that time, but we also met up with friends and spent time together as a family. During one stretch, we stayed in a friend’s basement and visited Zion National Park. Both of these trips were “firsts” in their own ways for our family.

Vacations are awesome because they allow us to rest and spend time with our families—things which God cares a lot about! The children of Israel took trips to Jerusalem every year to celebrate various feasts (Ex 23:14-17). These trips no doubt provided a context for fathers to spend time with their children and teach them about God (c.f. Deut 6:6-8).

Last year’s family vacation and couple getaway experiments are definitely a “do-over” for our family. It may not look the same every year, but I want to continue prioritizing intentional trips that help us to rest and spend time together. I can’t wait for this summer’s family vacation!

Whatever the Lord calls you to this year, we hope these lessons from our team will help you become a godlier father so that your church and family will be strengthened for God’s glory in 2026.

Four Reflections from Growing Fathers in 2025

Brett Stowe, Chris Lynch, Bodie Brock, Andrew Lee — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

The start of a new year provides a natural opportunity to reflect and reset. I don’t know about you, but I enjoy reflecting on the previous year with my family. My wife and I went out on a date to review 2025 and discuss some tweaks to make in our routines to increase our joy in the Lord and better do the things God has called us to do.

In the spirit of new year’s reflections, the Growing Fathers team would like to share some lessons about fathering from 2025 that will encourage your parenting in 2026.

This week's article has four lessons about being a growing father, starting with Brett Stowe's lesson about listening. Brett points to an underrated but essential part of godly parenting that many of us overlook. Here’s what he says:

Brett Stowe's Reflections

I’ve been married for 10 years and have now been “fathering” for 8 years. But even though I’ve been involved in this ministry of parenthood for this long, there is one lesson that I still struggle to learn: listening.

What I would like to pass on to our readers is the importance of listening to one’s spouse and children as you seek to shepherd their hearts towards Christ. God has continued to show me this year that the discipline of listening is not something that happens automatically; it must be cultivated as a spiritual discipline in my life. This requires work, grace, and perseverance that can only be found in the Gospel. So, my encouragement to other growing fathers in 2026 is to cultivate the spiritual discipline of listening and see God use this in your marriage and parenting to encourage your family to see and cherish Christ more in the year to come.

Chris Lynch's Reflections

Listening affects so many areas of parenting, especially as your children get older and can express themselves more clearly. In this way, listening becomes a key puzzle piece to wisdom. Chris Lynch’s most impactful fathering lesson from last year revolved around the necessity of biblical wisdom and discernment. He wrote:

I think the biggest thing I am learning and striving to live out by God’s grace right now is the tangible importance of biblical wisdom and discernment. I now have a teenager and an almost teenager, and the parenting opportunities are becoming increasingly challenging and nuanced. The ability to take Scriptural truth, commands, or principles and apply them to real life situations (wisdom) and the ability to navigate complex decisions or situations with spiritual insight (discernment) are learned skills, and parenting stretches those skills with each passing year. I am thankful for the commands and promises of Scripture that help me pursue this. “Try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord” (Eph. 5:10)—it takes immense effort on my part to determine what honors God in each parenting challenge, and it’s my job to make that effort.

But at the same time, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5). God gives wisdom freely to those who ask for it and doesn’t hold back! I find myself almost daily exercising these two parallel disciplines: taking significant time and brain sweat thinking through various parenting situations while also praying for wisdom constantly.

I must set aside laziness, being willing to wrestle with each challenge—while also trusting God to fulfill what he has said! God is making these truths concrete in my life through the realities of parenting at this stage.

Bodie Brock's Reflections

Chris mentioned James 1:5, which invites anyone who desires wisdom to ask God for it in prayer. Bodie Brock’s biggest parenting lesson of 2025 came in this spiritual discipline of prayer:

I studied Luke and 1 Thessalonians this year. Both books taught me something about parenting that I already knew…but hadn’t fully internalized. You know. The kind of truth you’ve heard 100 times, but it doesn’t really stick until the 131st time. It’s simple. Are you ready? OK. Here it is: Prayer fuels discipleship. You see it in how Jesus prays for His disciples. You see it in how Paul prays for the churches he serves. I realized that I should be praying for my kids far more often than I was. Specific prayers. Constant prayers. Concerned prayers. Thankful prayers. Repeated prayers. One of the most effective parenting tools I have is prayer!

Simple? Yeah. But how often do you doubt the power of prayer? How often do you forget to pray? How often do you avoid praying for what you are afraid God won’t do? Or, even worse, how often do you avoid praying for what you doubt God can do? I know for me, I wasn’t praying nearly enough. I hope to lace my parenting with prayer in 2026. If you aren’t convinced of the power of prayer in discipleship, then here’s a pile of verses worth checking out: 1 Thess. 1:2, 3:10; Lk. 6:12, 9:28, 22:31-32; Col. 4:12; Eph. 1:16; 2 Thess. 1:11; 2 Tim. 1:3.

Andrew Lee's Reflections

What prayer does is express my need for God; it shows my dependence on Him. This was Andrew Lee’s most impactful fathering lesson of 2025. He wrote:

This year, God taught me greater dependence on him because so much of my life is outside of my control. Early in the year, our youngest came down with a scary sounding respiratory illness. In the moments in the middle of the night when I wasn’t sure what to do or even if I could do anything, I learned I needed to pray and take those concerns to my Heavenly Father.

Our most intense child required three trips to the urgent care to be glued or stitched up this year. I realized that while I can encourage safe and controlled behavior, only God can protect from serious harm. I have to ask him to do so and trust him in whatever comes in his sovereign plan.

In countless other moments of correction or instruction, I realized there was not a perfect phrase that I could say to convince my children of what was right. I ought to do my best to instruct from God’s Word, but only God’s Spirit can change my kids’ hearts. It seems from these experiences that sometimes God delays that change, at least in part, so that my own heart can learn to trust him more.

More than any other time in my life, I am convinced of the importance of growing in my relationship with God through regular prayer and study of his Word. This regular practice of dependence on him helps me to respond in dependence when the pressure is on in leading my family.

Conclusion

Our prayer for you as our readers is that 2026 would be a wonderful year of growth in listening, wisdom, prayer, and dependence on God, among other things.

If you would like further encouragement to cultivate a stronger prayer life this year, we encourage you to listen to episode 38 of the podcast, released just a couple weeks ago. John and Kris discuss the significance of prayer in the life of the Christian father.

May we all be men of faith who depend on the Lord in 2026!

What Is a “Christian” Family?

John Pate — Wed, 14 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

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Several years ago, my wife and I traveled through the eastern US, ministering in various churches. Though we enjoyed many conversations with fellow believers during those months, one conversation, for some reason, has stuck with me. It was at a small church perched in the hills of West Virginia, and a dear lady in her middle years began to disclose a sorrow that ran deep in her life.

Her children were far from the Lord, and her grief was palpable. She could not understand why, after all those years, they would suddenly turn from everything they knew.

“I just don’t know what happened. They were in church every Sunday!”

Perhaps you see why that conversation has lingered in my heart. Not only was her sorrow heartbreaking, but she also expressed a dangerous misconception about what it means to be a Christian family.

What is a Christian family? Is it a family that attends church regularly? Is it a family that prays before each meal and talks about Jesus on occasion? Is it a family that abstains from certain vices or follows a few set principles for life? Is it a family whose children land good jobs and live decent lives? Or is it a family that has family devotions on a fairly consistent basis?

When we look to God’s Word for the answer, we find that a Christian family is defined, not by its habits or appearance, but by a Person, the very Person in the word “Christian”!

A Christian family is a family built on Jesus Christ.

A Christian family does not “tack Jesus on” to all the other activities and priorities in our home. Instead, He is the center of our home. He is the theme, the Lord, and the Savior, and we must make every effort to point our children to that Savior.

To see this truth, we need look no further than the beginning of the Bible’s story. In Genesis 1—3, we find the good news about Jesus Christ in its “seed” form, the same good news which should be the pervasive theme of every Christian home.

The Purpose for the Family

Genesis 1:26–28 speaks of God’s purpose for both individuals and families. Notice how verses 26–27 describe this purpose:

“Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

<Callout quote="God designed the family to fill the world with the glory of God." author="john-pate" url="what-is-a-christian-family" /> Why did God make you and me? He made us to reflect His “image,” to represent Him on earth. He gave us at least two ways to do this. We represent Him through our care of the earth (v. 26) and through our relationships (v. 27), in particular, the marriage relationship. We haven’t even concluded chapter 1 of the Bible, and God is already beginning to define His good design for the family. The family is central to God’s creative design.[^1]

In other words, what happens in your family can be one of the most powerful testimonies to the glory of God. Others should look at you and your family and get a clearer picture of what God is like. Verse 28 shows us how this good plan will continue for years to come:

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’”

This verse is a blessing, a command, and a blueprint wrapped up in one. God created humans to reflect His image on earth, and He created the family to multiply those “image-reflectors” all the way to the four corners of the earth. God designed the family to fill the world with the glory of God.

The Destruction of the Family

All you have to do is take a road trip with your family to find out that something has gone wrong along the way. If you ever spot my van on vacation, it’s possible you won’t catch sight of the blessings described in Genesis 1. What you may see instead is a hurtling hunk of metal surrounding a dark center of sour attitudes.

In all seriousness, the problems present in families around our globe reach far deeper than a difficult road trip. Instead of God’s character reflected in families, we see dysfunction, divorce, abortion, abuse, and gender confusion. In fact, we could almost call Genesis 4—50 a “History of Dysfunctional Families.”[^2]

So what happened between Genesis 1 and Genesis 4? We find the answer in Genesis 3:1–19, what is known as “The Fall.”

God’s adversary tempted the first woman and her husband to sin by pursuing their own glory. Instead of following God’s rule, they pursued self-rule (v. 5). Instead of accepting God’s blessing, they pursued self-sufficiency (v. 6). Their sinful choice introduced conflict. It separated humanity from God (vv. 7–13), and it separated us from each other (vv. 14–19). Our roles as male and female, designed to bless the world, have become points of contention.

So what happened to God’s good plan? Instead of reflecting God’s image and filling the earth with “image-reflectors,” we desired our own glory and filled the earth with chaos. In so doing, we fell “short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

No amount of church attendance will fix this problem. Praying before meals will not fix it. Moral living will not solve the problem of sin. The answer to broken families is not better families.

The Redemption of the Family

The answer is Jesus Christ. Amazingly, we see this good news right in the middle of the bad news. God’s curse to the serpent contains this promise: “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel” (Genesis 3:15).

That word “offspring” or “seed” is important. After this verse, it shows up at least 46 more times in the book of Genesis. The book of Genesis points all of us to the perfect Seed who would one day save humanity from destruction, the Son who would redeem the family.

Though we failed to reflect God’s image, Jesus Christ is the perfect Savior who fills the world with the glory of God. Only the blood of Christ can free the members of your family from the bondage of sin so that they can once again reflect His glory.

So you and I must point our families to Jesus. Your family’s greatest need is not to do better, or be better, or lead moral lives. Your family needs to hear the good news about Jesus. And God has chosen you, dad, to make sure that the story of the gospel is your family’s story.

Maybe you’re not completely accustomed to talking about Jesus with your family throughout the day and you’re wondering how to get started. Although we’ve covered this topic before in various articles, here are a few starter ideas:

Talk about Jesus during the tough times.

When you’re breaking up another fight: “Did you know that Jesus actually endured the cross to forgive your sin? He wants you to forgive just like He forgives.”
When you’re disciplining your child: “Do you know of anybody who can save you from your sin?”
When your child is heartbroken at the rejection of a friend: “Jesus’ love for you is greater than any other because He laid down His life for you. Let’s thank him for that.”
When you’re apologizing for sinning against your child: “Your dad is a sinner too. But Jesus is my Savior and paid the penalty for my sin.”
When your family is experiencing an intense need: “We know that Jesus actually cares about us and is using this in our family’s life. Let’s thank Him for His love for us!”

Talk about Jesus during the good times.

When you’re noticing something awesome about creation: “Can you believe that a God this powerful loved us enough to become a man and die for us!”
When you’re sitting down to read God’s Word together: “God actually wants to talk to us right now, and He wants to tell us something about Jesus. Let’s try to see what He’s telling us.”[^3]
When God has answered a specific prayer request: “God actually hears us when we pray! Let’s thank Him for this answer and for the way it shows His love for us.”

Of course, our goal is to present the gospel. For a helpful look at presenting the gospel to your kids, see Kristopher Schaal’s article, Counseling Your Children About Salvation.

In all of these conversations, remember that a Christian family is not a perfect family. Instead, it is a family where the good news about Jesus Christ takes center stage. It’s a family built on Jesus Christ.

<Note variant="info"> This post was originally published in August 2021 and has been updated for 2026. </Note>

[^1]: Does this truth exclude a person who is single from God’s plan? Not at all! In fact, though the family is important, it is the church, or the “family of God,” that is at the heart of God’s kingdom today (Matt. 16:18–19; Eph. 3:10, 21; Col. 1:10). Those who do the will of the Father (true believers) are a part of the most important family of all (Matt. 12:46–50). If, as a single person, you are looking for a family, begin by finding and ministering with a Bible-believing local church. [^2]: See, for example, Cain and Abel (ch. 4), Abraham (chs. 12, 20), Lot (ch. 19), Jacob and Esau (ch. 27), Simeon and Levi (ch. 34), Joseph and his brothers (ch. 37), Judah (ch. 38).

Three Resolutions for Fathers in 2026

Brett Stowe — Wed, 07 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

It’s that time again, when everyone around the planet decides that this is the year their life will change. With a new year comes new aspirations. Many are thinking, “This is finally the year that I get back on track!” “This is the year I hit my weight loss goal.” “This is the year that I finally become financially independent and knock that debt out of my life!”

There are numerous goals, plans, and resolutions that are made on January 1st, but most of them are focused on matters of comfort, security, or self-improvement.

While the realities of comfort, security, and self-improvement are not inherently wrong, apart from a God-centered foundation, these categories become idols. As growing fathers, we must first ask the question, “What resolutions does God want me to make in light of my ministry to my family and the calling He has placed on my life.”

You may resolve to shrink your waistline or grow your bank account and those are good things. But the temptation is often to neglect the first priorities of your relationship to God and your family. So the question remains, how do we seek to make these matters primary as we approach the new year? How can we resolve to live for God and others rather than ourselves? Psalm 90 speaks to these matters in a way that challenges us to consider prioritizing eternal realities. Let’s consider three resolutions taken from this psalm.

Resolution #1: To Live with a Deep Sense of God’s Glory

In the beginning part of Psalm 90, the psalmist recounts the greatness of God and His glorious rule over all creation. In verse 2, he states, “Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.”

In vv. 3-4, the psalmist speaks of God’s sovereign rule over man as He “returns man to dust.” All of these references and the verses following are meant to stir the reader towards a deep sense of who God is. And who is God? He is majestic. He is holy. He is the Creator. He is all powerful. He is in control. He is eternal. These are just a few of His characteristics, but how does this guide and direct our goals for the new year?

If we are to live as fathers who prioritize our relationship to God and family in 2026, then we must begin with a deep understanding of our Creator. His glory and majesty are spiritual truths that shape and guide our decision-making and goals for this year. Godly resolutions do not begin with a deep concern for self. No, they begin with a deep concern for God and His glory.

If your goals for 2026 do not reflect one who is concerned for the glory of God but rather concerned for the glory of self, then you need to reconsider your goals. Resolve to live with a deep sense of God’s glory in 2026.

Resolution #2: To Live with a Deep Sense of Your Life’s Brevity

There is also another reality found in this psalm that helps guide and direct our goals for 2026. This reality is found in vv. 9-10,

For all our days pass away under your wrath; we bring our years to an end like a sigh. The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away.

There is a God-centered stability that comes from knowing that our lifespan is short. This is what James references when he says, “Life is a mist (or a vapor).” The brevity of our lives should compel us to focus our priorities on what truly matters, eternity. This is what is meant by the psalmist saying “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom (vs. 12).” Understanding how short and passing our lives are actually gives us a wise heart. A fool is one who is unconcerned with these matters.

But when it comes to practical goal setting, this does not mean that we do not concern ourselves with physical goals of exercise or financial goals of investing towards the future. It does mean that we keep them in perspective rather than be overcome by the sin of anxiety as we worry about them. We set goals and resolutions this year that prioritize eternal impact. We also set goals that allow us to be better stewards of eternal priorities.

Let’s consider a few examples:

What physical fitness goals can I set this year that allow me to be a better husband, father, and leader for Christ in my community?
What financial goals can I set that allow me to provide for my family and be overly generous towards others, my local church, and foreign missions?
What personal goals can I establish that allow me to prioritize my time with the Lord and my family?
What productivity goals can I put in place that aid me in my task of discipling others and testifying of Christ in my work place?

These are just a few examples of what it means to live for eternal things in our goal-setting and resolutions. But these examples flow from a mindset that acknowledges the brevity of one’s life and the priorities that flow out of this God-centered mindset. Resolve to live with a deep sense of your life’s brevity in 2026.

Resolution #3: To Work Hard Because God is Worthy and Life is Short

Finally, as you consider resolution #1 and #2, also consider where the psalmist ends in vv. 16-17,

Let your work be shown to your servants, and your glorious power to their children. Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!

One might think that after contemplating God’s glorious rule over all things as well as the brevity of one’s life, that this would lead one to discouragement and complacency.

For example, if my life is short and hard, why should I care about doing anything with it? If God “returns man to dust,” then why should I even try to live long and well? But, this is not where the psalmist goes. He does not find these truths to be discouraging. He finds these truths to be motivating! He prays for God’s favor and then commits to work hard and well for the mission God has given to him.

The psalm ends twice with the phrase “establish the work of our hands.” Not only does he commit to work, but he desires God’s favor and blessing in the work that He does. Resolve to work hard in 2026 because God is worthy and life is short.

Conclusion

So as you begin another year, consider these resolutions. Don’t let another year go by that is spent on the things of this world that will not last for eternity. Let Psalm 90 speak to your soul and direct your resolutions for 2026! And by God’s grace, may this year be lived for His glory alone.

Go ahead and make new resolutions, prepare new budgets, and set new goals, but as you do these things, resolve to live in light of God’s glorious rule and your brief life. And then resolve to work hard for the cause of Christ in your family, community, and beyond until He comes or calls you home.

How to Use Your Break Well

Chris Pennington — Wed, 31 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

We’re creatures of habit. And God made us that way.

God Himself operates with predictability, and he created a world full of patterns—from the seasonal or weekly cycles, to the laws of nature, and the need for daily sleep.

So what happens when our patterns stop? What happens when routine is broken? For many of us, we’re in a brief period without our regular routine. The kids are out of school, we’re turning the calendar over to a new year, and the world actually slows for a few days.

Without intentionality, life without routine is often selfish and lazy, and we face new or greater temptations to sin.

I’d like to offer 5 encouragements for moments without routine.

1. Spend time resting

God made us to need rest. He builds our entire weekly structure around our rest with Him and even included the Sabbath command in the Ten Commandments (Ex 20:8–11).

Encouragements to rest run through the Bible. Even in the midst of busyness, for example, Jesus encouraged his followers to prioritize rest.

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. (Mark 6:31)

I fear our world has lost the ability to rest. Instead of resting, we turn to quick entertainment that often drains us more than refreshes us. Do you know what actually refreshes and restores you?

A slow walk with time to think
A long nap
Reading a book
Talking with a good friend
A board game
Exercise

Let me encourage you to avoid mindless rest that leaves you drained and prioritize true physical, mental, and spiritual rest.

2. Spend time serving

Jesus gave himself to serving. Mark 10:45 famously describes the Messiah’s life as coming “to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

The New Testament calls us to follow in his example.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3–4)
“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13)

Resist the lie that because you “deserve a break”, you are to be served. Being a dad always looks like servanthood. And while our breaks should provide rest, seasons of rest should energize service.

Take time to thoughtfully ask how you can serve those in your life:

Your wife
Your children
Your neighbors
Your pastor

3. Spend time with God

God made us to know and enjoy him. He calls us to it.

“Be still, and know that I am God….” (Psalm 46:10)

You may feel busy and overwhelmed. And, yes, you need rest. But even in moments of extreme busyness, Jesus shows us that rest is found most importantly in spending time with God.

And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed. (Mark 1:35)

God wants you to delight in Him by delighting in his Word (Ps 1:2–3) and find in Him fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

Practically, let me encourage you to commit to daily prayer and Bible meditation during break seasons. Be ambitious and consider more time with the Lord if you have more discretionary time.

In the end, God made you for Himself and when you are free from regular routine, give yourself to Him.

4. Spend time fighting sin

Satan is a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8) and he knows when routines are different, we are especially prone to temptations.

God declares that every temptation can be resisted with his enabling power (1 Cor 10:13) and commands us to “submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (Jas 4:7; cf. Mt 26:41).

When preparing to fight temptation:

Identify your suspected areas of temptation (e.g., selfishness, laziness, lust, etc.).
Make it hard to sin in those areas.
Ask for help ahead of time from your pastor or another friend.
Be quick to ask forgiveness if you fall.

I’m not encouraging a kind of morose introspection that makes your entire experience about whether or not you can resist a specific sin. I’m encouraging thoughtfulness.

The flesh, the world, and Satan do not take breaks, even if we do. So don’t take a break fighting sin. As John Owen famously wrote, “Be killing sin or sin will be killing you.”

5. Spend time enjoying life

Every good and perfect gift comes from God (Jas 1:17) and God wants us to enjoy his good gifts. Ecclesiastes is full of encouragement to “be joyful” and to “eat and drink and take pleasure in all [our] toil—this is God’s gift to man” (Eccl 3:12–13; 8:15, etc.).

One of the best ways to get rest, to serve others, to know God, and to fight sin, is to enjoy your family. Your children are a heritage from the Lord (Ps 127:3) and He wants you to enjoy them before Him.

We often mistakenly pit God’s gifts against him, where God wants us to enjoy them for and to Him. Perhaps an illustration will help.

When you gave your child a gift at Christmas, what did you want to experience? You wanted to see your children enjoy the gifts in front of you, for you, with you.

If your child said, “Dad, because I love you, I don’t want to play with the toy you got me,” you wouldn’t hear that as love but insanity. Conversely, if your child pushed you away and said, “Dad, get out of here. Can’t you see I’m trying to play with my toy!” you wouldn’t see that as love either.

God wants us to open our gifts and to enjoy them for him and to him. He wants us to enjoy our children and look heavenwards with gratitude, to whisper “thank you”, and to continue enjoying our children before His face.

Conclusion

May these encouragements refresh you and help you get the most out of this week.

8 Things You Can Give Your Kids That Don't Cost Any Money

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 23 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

As dads, we naturally want to provide the best for our children. Often, we wish we could do more. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

You walk outside on Christmas morning. The neighbor kids are playing with the newest expensive electronic gadget they got for Christmas. You gave your children simpler gifts.
You see pictures on social media of your friend’s kid excelling in a travel sports league that you cannot afford.
The talk around the lunch table at your daughter’s school centers on the Disney vacation her friend’s family just got back from. That night at the dinner table your daughter asks you, “Dad, why don’t we ever go to Disney world?”

I’ve got good news for you! There are many amazing gifts you can give your children that cost very little money. Here is my list in no specific order.

1. Your time

Many parents settle for spending “quality time” with their children because the quantity of time they have to give is very small. But perhaps you are in a position to spend more time with your children through homeschooling, working from home, or having one parent stay at home while the other one works. The gift of time is invaluable.

2. Your attention

Get off your phone!! I think what many children secretly want for Christmas is a promise from their parents to put away their phones for a few hours every evening and pay attention to them. Isn’t it amazing that your children truly delight in your smile and the words “good job!” or “I love you”? And once again, this gift is free!

3. Your creativity

This gift takes time and attention to the next level. What if you had enough juice left in the tank at the end of the day (or on Saturday, or even one night over Christmas break) to build a fort or invent a new game with your children? Some of them would remember that event for the rest of their lives! Young children spell love “P-L-A-Y.” Make their week by using your grown-up imagination to enhance their playtime.

4. The Bible/Gospel

Children around the world are growing up with no knowledge of who God is or of how they can have a relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ. Jesus said, “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (Mark 8:36) You can give your children the most valuable gift in the world by teaching them who God is and sharing the gospel with them.

5. A good church

You can enhance your children’s lives and childhood so much just by taking them to church every week! At church, your children will 1) hear well-prepared, age appropriate Bible lessons, 2) learn hymns, 3) develop positive, edifying relationships with their teachers and peers, 4) learn to pray, 5) see God answer prayer and change lives, and 6) have fun in the process! Don’t spend thousands of dollars per year on ballet or travel soccer and neglect the wonderful gift of church.

6. A stable home

I don’t need to belabor statistics, but studies show that honoring God’s plan for marriage is good for our children.[^1] One of the best gifts you can give your children is a mommy and daddy whose marriage is marked by purity, commitment, and loving delight. Perhaps you have already experienced divorce or find yourself as a single parent. By God’s grace, you can still give your children stability by honoring God with your choices.

7. Character/Discipline

Too many children today are growing up like prince Adonijah in the Bible, whose father David never rebuked him or told him “no” (1 Kings 5:6). Because of original sin, children left to themselves will spoil. Children need loving discipline and correction to learn the skill of self-discipline and to develop Christ-like character. So make them study. Teach them to read their Bibles. Make them do chores. Teach them respect. You can help your children to become good students, workers, church members, and citizens by applying consistent, loving discipline.

8. Your love

All of the gifts I have mentioned basically boil down to one gift: your love. Loving your neighbor as yourself as applied to parenting means doing the things for your children that they will have wanted you to do for them once they grow up or that you would have wanted your parents to do for you.

Thankfully, most of these things do not cost money. (In fact, too much money can spoil many of the gifts on this list!) Many adults have looked back on less-than-affluent childhoods with fondness and joy. The fact is that your children do not care nearly as much as you do about how much money you make. They just want you around. As long as their basic needs are met and you show them consistent love and attention, they will be happy, and they will do fine in life.

If you sometimes feel like a failure as a dad for not providing enough, take a look at this list and be reminded that the best thing you can give your child is not a Disneyland vacation but a parent who loves God and loves them. Now that is a priceless gift.

[^1]: For instance, children who grow up in two parent homes are 17% more likely to graduate college and 20% more likely to end up in the middle class or higher.

Undervalued Spiritual Disciplines for Dads

Chris Lynch — Wed, 17 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

We all remember certain exercises or disciplines that were placed on us growing up that were less than enjoyable (see: piano lessons and math homework, ugh). But, thanks to those years engrossed in those rhythms, I can look back and see how those disciplines and the effort they took developed certain traits in me that I now value and appreciate.

The same can be said for what are often referred to as “spiritual disciplines”. These are exercises that followers of Jesus should pursue with regularity that help train us in our walk with him and better equip us to serve him. Things like Bible reading, prayer, thanksgiving, and corporate worship are used by Christ to develop his image in us.

As dads who have been called by God to lead our families in pursuing Christlikeness, committing to these spiritual disciplines helps more people than just us. As we commit to these habits, our children benefit. But here’s the hard part. While it is true that our Savior accomplishes that work in us, that process still requires effort from us. These disciplines are hard work! They take (wait for it)... discipline!

Scripture presents many spiritual disciplines. The obvious ones have already been listed above and have been covered in past articles on this very blog because they are so essential to our lives as Christian fathers. But some others are under-utilized by most of us. Those lesser-known ones can have a massive impact on every dad’s spiritual well-being and on how equipped he is to be a godly dad.

Below, I highlight just a few of those other disciplines presented in God’s Word, and I’d like to suggest that you strongly consider developing these habits in your personal walk with Jesus. And I also hope that we’ll be able to see how developing these in ourselves will positively influence our kids for Jesus.

At first glance, these disciplines don’t seem to have anything to do with our kids. In fact, they seem dad-centric and insular. . It’s easy to see how my time in God’s Word or my prioritization of worship at church will directly profit my family. But as you exercise effort to develop these other habits too, your children will reap the benefits.

Meditation

When we think of meditation, we often picture a monk sitting cross-legged high on a mountain somewhere, emptying his mind in pursuit of inner peace and tranquility. But Scripture presents meditation quite differently. Meditation isn’t emptying our mind, it’s filling it with transforming truth. It’s reflecting extensively on a particular portion of God’s Word rather than just reading it; it’s stopping to deliberately and deeply think on God’s truth so that you can understand and apply it better.

Throughout the Psalms, David shared that meditation was something he was determined to do. Check out the reasons for and benefits of meditation found in places like Ps. 119:15, Ps. 145:5 and Ps. 119:97. Dads, discipline yourselves–make conscious effort– to ponder truths you’ve just read in your personal Bible study or heard at church. Don’t look into the mirror of God’s Word and walk away without a second thought (James 1:22-25)! Meditation takes practice! We aren’t automatically good at it. Pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal truths to you from the passage before you begin. Read through a passage several times, looking for a theme or main truth. Save a screenshot from your Bible app to pull up throughout the day. Or, if it’s a short passage, commit it to memory!

Ask questions about a Scripture passage you’re focusing on, such as:

What should I believe about God based on these verses?
What should I praise or thank God for?
Is there a command here to obey, and if so how can I do that today?
Is there a warning here for me to heed?
What does this passage reveal about my heart or attitude? What do I need to change?

While this is a personal discipline that you exercise in your own mind, this will impact your family. God told Joshua that meditating was central to his success as a leader of others (Josh. 1:8). As your mind is renewed through saturation in God’s Word, it will transform how you think about everything! Your attitudes will change, your demeanor will change, your speech will change, your priorities will change, and your leadership will change.

Solitude

Whether you’re an extrovert, and introvert, or an extroverted introvert (yes it’s really a thing, look it up), sometimes we all feel the need for solitude. We mostly crave alone time because we want to just be by ourselves to escape certain people or circumstances. It’s a self-serving thing. But Scripture presents example after example of believers who sought solitude in order to draw closer to someone. For a Christ-follower, seeking solitude is a powerful way to commune with him.

Jesus himself is the best example of someone seeking solitude as a spiritually renewing exercise. He regularly rose early and found a solitary place to pray (Mark 1:35). He did so because his responsibilities, ministries, and burdens were great. He did so because even the most worthwhile of serving opportunities could distract from closeness to the one he was serving–his Father (Luke 5:15-16). He did so when he faced the deepest and darkest hardships, pouring his heart out to God (Matt. 14:10-12; John 18:1-2).

If Jesus needed to prioritize solitude in order to truly commune with God without distraction, then you and I certainly do. The discipline of seeking periods of quiet aloneness is a wonderful weapon for you as a Christ-following dad amid a chaotic, busy life. This may take some sacrifice. You may need to wake up a bit earlier so your time with God is distraction-free. Schedule this solitude, make it non-negotiable, and identify a place or setting where you know you can be undistracted. You may need to take a walk alone to pray. You may need to use your daily commute to meditate (see above!), sing, pray, or listen to Scripture. Discipline your mind to not wander. Put the phone away! Be still and quiet in God’s presence.

Ironically, as you exercise the spiritual discipline of solitude and commune with God without distraction, your time with your family will be more healthy, too! Just as it was clear to the people of Israel that Moses had been with God, so it will be for your family (Exodus 34:29-35). You may not literally be glowing, but it’ll still be obvious!

Rest

When you see the above heading, you probably have two initial thoughts. First, if you’re like me, you’re not all that opposed to the idea! Second, while we all know that rest is important to our physical wellbeing, you may wonder how prioritizing rest is innately a spiritual discipline.

But it is. In fact, God built in a message of how vital it is right from the beginning of time–on the 7th day of creation’s existence! When God rested, he created something Scripture calls “Sabbath”, which simply means “to rest”. God didn’t need the rest, but he set that example so that we would see the need to. Furthermore, remembering the Sabbath day was one of the 10 Commandments for God’s Old Testament people (Exodus 20:8-11), emphasizing both their need for regular rhythms of rest and the opportunity to use that rest for spiritual purposes.

Without getting into all the nuanced interpretational aspects of the concept of Sabbath throughout Scripture (such as what day we should observe it or what extent or form of rest it should entail), I can say with confidence that the principle of Sabbath is presented as an essential discipline in God’s Word. In a hectic and stressful world that often produces angst, strife, and burnout, there is great value in forcing ourselves to simply stop. Unplugging rejuvinates us, calms us, and creates opportunities for worship. That rest is not merely for our benefit–it’s ultimately for the purpose of enjoying our God. Committing to rest also effectively enables the other two disciplines we’ve seen in this post!

Block off a day of the week free from the things that so stressfully fill up all the other days. If you can’t block off a day, block off a significant part of one. Try to make it the same day you worship God (Sunday), but if that’s not possible because Sundays are hectic, find it elsewhere on the weekly schedule and prioritize it. Perhaps unlike the other two disciplines we’ve seen, this one has a more obvious connection to your family because you can and should all sabbath together weekly! In our culture, this discipline has been almost completely lost. Dads, intentionally find it again!

Conclusion

These are just a few spiritual disciplines from Scripture that we can and should pursue as believers and as fathers. In your own personal study, consider looking into other disciplines Scripture presents such as biblical fasting, fellowship, simplifying life, and confession of sin. Guys, get into these rhythms! Our families will be impacted by our personal pursuits of these habits. By the way, mothers need these too. Dads, actively enable your wives to pursue meditation, solitude, and rest. Take the kids so she can enjoy these same wonderful moments communing with God.

As we enter one of the more stressful and busy times of the year, these three spiritual disciplines are even harder to prioritize, but it’s worth the effort. May God graciously enable you to make the effort to draw closer to your Savior through these wonderful gifts.

Praying with Paul for Your Children

Garrett Rushing — Wed, 10 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Recently, I have been encouraged by our local church’s Wednesday night Bible study through the prayers of Paul.

Our pastors have shown and explained Paul’s beautiful variety of thanksgiving, praise, petition, supplication, and intercession to God on behalf of those he loves. This is instructive for us as Christians in general, but I think it also has a wonderful application for those of us who are fathers.

Below, guided by the prayers of Paul, I’ve simply prayed on paper for our children. These are paraphrases and reflections on ten prayer-related passages from Paul’s letters. What a blessing it is to us and to our children that we can bring them before our Maker and Redeemer.

I trust that these humble prayers will serve to prompt your own prayers for the young ones that God has entrusted to your care.

Romans 1:8-12

Father, we thank you for the truth of the gospel that you have made known in Jesus Christ. He is the foundation of our faith and our access to you in prayer. For our children who believe, we give thanks to you for the gift of faith that you have given them and the ways that it is being displayed in our home and outside it. For those who do not believe, we ask that you would grant them repentance and faith so that they would become our brothers and sisters in Christ. May we and our children glorify your name together, united in Christ, sharing mutual encouragement and harmonious praise for your Name’s sake.

1 Corinthians 1:4–9

We give thanks to you for the grace that you have given them, enriching them with spiritual gifting for your glory. We rest in you, O Faithful Father, who have called us into the fellowship of your Son. We ask that you would call our children into this fellowship, and help them to rest in Jesus. In him alone they will be sustained to the end and declared guiltless in the day of the Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 1:3–7

We praise you as the merciful Father and comforting God. We trust that as you bring affliction to our children, that you will comfort them in their affliction. Please do this so that they may comfort others who suffer. As our children partake in a multitude of sufferings for Christ, give them an even greater magnitude of your comfort.

Ephesians 1:15–23

Father, we ask that you would pour out the Holy Spirit to open the eyes of our children’s hearts. We desire that they would know and stand strong in the hope that you have called them to. Make them know the rich blessing of being a part of your prized possession. Help them to depend, not on their own strength, but on your great power that is at work in them. We ask that they would see that the resurrection, ascension, and session of Christ are the demonstration of that very same power with which you are working in them. Would you help them to rejoice and rest in the current and future reign of Christ over every power and person in every age and place, and to praise him as the eternal head of the church.

Philippians 1:3–11

Thank you, Father, for the work that you are doing in our children. We praise you, for you accomplish all that you decree. You have begun a good work in our children, and your purpose to complete it will not fail. On the day of Jesus Christ, you will finish what you started. For our children who have not yet entered into partnership in the gospel with us, we pray that you would turn their hearts to be partakers of grace. We ask that all of our children would abound in love for Jesus and for his church. We ask that their love would be grounded in knowledge and wisdom in righteousness, so that they pursue what is good. Guide them to follow your work and word into holiness, yielding abundant spiritual fruit for your glory.

Colossians 4:3–4

Father, we ask that you would open doors of gospel opportunity for our children, and that you would make them eager and zealous to pray for the same. When they have opportunities to share the gospel, give them boldness and clarity.

1 Thessalonians 5:23–24

Please keep our children. Hold them fast. We praise you as the God of peace who will bring them to full sanctification with perfect preservation. You will bring this to pass until and at the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. We rejoice and rest in your faithfulness to do this.

2 Thessalonians 1:3–12

Father, we thank you for the spiritual growth that you are working in our children. We praise you that they are not what they once were. We thank you, not only for their physical and emotional maturation, but for their spiritual progress. This comes only by the work of your blessed Holy Spirit. We boast of them before you because it is you who receives all credit and honor for every good thing in them. Let us not be hasty or harsh with them. Let us not be frustrated by their weaknesses. Rather, help us as fathers to teach them what it is to suffer for Jesus and to grow in his love. Help us to teach them that you will set all things right. Help us to proclaim the judgment of Jesus to them so that our children who believe will be comforted and our children who do not yet believe will be warned. Make our children worthy of your calling that they may all be among the saints in whom Jesus will be glorified and among whom he will be marveled at. Bless the work of our children for your kingdom. Establish every desire and effort that they have for good, so that Jesus would be glorified in our children and our children would be glorified in Jesus.

1 Timothy 2:1–3

Father, we thank you for the current and future leaders that you will set over our children. Whether kings, congressmen, presidents, monarchs, or tyrants, we ask that you would save them from their sins, help them to lead well, and turn their hearts to serve your purposes. Help our children to live under these men and women, whether godly or ungodly, in a way that glorifies you. Provide a peaceful, quiet, godly, and dignified life for our sons and daughters as they live in your world under the authorities that you establish.

Philemon 4-7, 25

Thank you for the seeds of faith and love that you have planted, watered, grown, and rooted in the hearts of our children. For our sons and daughters that are not reconciled to you, would you make the sharing of our faith effective for their salvation and for the knowledge of every spiritual blessing in Christ. Thank you for their love for you and for your people. Thank you for the truths they confess and the godly friendships they enjoy from your hand. We pray that you would bring them to mature knowledge of Jesus Christ through your inerrant, infallible Word and your errant, fallible saints. We thank you for the comfort and joy that you have blessed us with because of the spiritual good you have wrought in them. We praise your holy Name for every good thing that you have shared with them. May your grace go with them, so that they love you with all their hearts for all their days. We bring all these prayers to you in the Name of your Son and our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

How to Pray for Your Unbelieving Children

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 03 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

One of the sports I enjoyed playing in high school was golf. As I chased the little white ball all over the New Hampshire countryside, I learned that different clubs do different things. A putter should not be used in a sand trap, and a lofted wedge would make a poor tee shot. Each club has a use that fits within its designed function, and the better I learn how to use each club, the better my game should be. (At least in theory…it never seemed to work that way for me!)

If we apply this golf club analogy to our parenting, we have many “clubs” at our disposal. The more we grow as fathers, the more skilled we become at using different biblical principles to point our children to Jesus and help them grow. For example, we see how encouragement often carries further than rebuke (tee shots); we learn how to lead a child to repentance when they have sinned (bunker shots); and we pray diligently for our children (putting).

Let’s take this analogy one step further. Each specific golf club has multiple uses, depending on the situation. A lofted wedge can be used to hit out of a sand trap, to chip onto the green, and to drop the ball into a small landing window (a “flop” shot). To use any specific club more effectively, we need to learn how to use it in different ways.

That principle is especially important when it comes to prayer. Prayer is one of the main tools of grace we use to shepherd our children. Yet it’s far easier to acknowledge the importance of prayer than it is to practice it well and use it effectively in many ways. I confess I often feel repetitive and shallow in my prayers for my children—perhaps you do too.

Borrowing the prayers of other people, especially saints of previous generations, supplies my prayer life with both freshness and depth. These prayers teach me to “hit different shots” in my prayer life instead of doing the same thing all the time.

A few months ago, I came across this prayer, entitled, “For Unbelieving Children”, written by Puritan George Swinnock (Into His Presence, ed. Tim Chester, 158-59). This prayer specifically focuses on interceding for children who have yet to make a profession of faith, and it gives four themes that we can pray often for unbelieving children, regardless of their age. I found it to be helpful, encouraging and challenging, and I hope it ministers to you as well.

First, Swinnock prays that:

1. God would show His grace and save them.

Specifically, he says:

Father of spirits, I pray for my children. Manifest your grace and goodness and wash them in the foundation opened for sin. As they bear the image of the first Adom, Cause them to bear the image of the second Adom. Let your grace be their beauty and the eternal weight of glory their portion. Cause them to hear your voice and live.

These lines highlight many scriptural truths, but especially the reality that God alone can save. He must shine the light of the gospel in their hearts (2 Cor. 4:6) so that those blinded by sin will receive spiritual sight.

2. Jesus would show compassion and receive them.

Swinnock continues:

Dear Redeemer, you said, “Let the little children come to me.” (Matthew 19:14) I bring them now to you; do not reject them. I present them to you in the trembling arms of my weak faith. Oh, lay your hands on them and bless them. Blessed Jesus, you know the pollution of their natures, the difficulty of their conversions, and the boundless wrath to which they are liable. Let your compassion yearn towards them, and your Spirit so accompany their instruction that in them you may see the suffering of your soul and be satisfied.

I love how he anchors his requests in Christ’s attitude of compassion towards children. How often we dismiss our children and send them away from us because we can’t be bothered, and how unlike Jesus we are at this point. Our Savior brought them near, and so we pray that they see the beauty of Jesus and come to him.

3. I, as their father, would model holiness for them.

The prayer changes trajectories here, shifting from the child’s heart to my example as their father:

And I pray that I may walk in the path of your precepts for the sake of those that follow me. May I be so pious in my words and works, so gracious in all my dealings and duties, that religion may be written fair through my conduct, and my children may with comfort follow my example. Lord, while others turn off the highway of holiness, let me, like the pillar of fire, go before my family to the land of promise, and shine as a true light to direct them in the way to everlasting life. I pray that as a parent of my children I may conduct myself as a child of my God.*

This reminds me that I myself am a child of God, even as I parent other children. We will never be perfect parents, but as we model humble, authentic faith, we will point them to the power of the gospel. The same grace that is changing us before their eyes can change them too.

4. Commit them to the Lord’s providence.

Finally, Swinnock prays:

Lord, my sons are your sons and my daughters are your daughters. Let your power prosper my labours while they are young, so that they may be prepared for that noble work which you plan for them in the other world. And when you send your servants to fetch them home, may they be conveyed by holy angels to your side, where I and the children whom you have given me shall love, and live, and rejoice with you for ever.

Here he remembers that my children belong to God, not me. It is exceedingly right to commit them back to the Lord, praying that God would use them mightily in this life and then convey them into glory.

Conclusion

Each of these points can be expanded and customized for your specific situation. By God’s grace, I pray this centuries-old prayer will help you become more like Jesus and apply the Bible to your parenting for the strengthening of your family and church.

How to Lead Your Family in a Culture of Thanksgiving

Kyle Grant — Wed, 26 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

We will soon be gathered around a table with family, piling plates, cutting our children’s food, and wishing the Pilgrims ate steak at the first Thanksgiving. Dedicated reflection time and giving thanks is vital. Yet, I hope thanksgiving is commonplace, and Thanksgiving is seasonal. Let’s talk through some ways to make gratitude cultural in your home, rather than a celebration in November.

To keep things simple here, let’s use three foundations for forming a culture of gratitude in our homes. A culture of gratitude in the home requires grace-filled thinking, gospel expression, and a language of gratitude.

Cultivating Grace-Filled Thought

Understanding grace produces thankful thought patterns. It does so because grace fundamentally assumes no worth or claim (Eph. 2:8). It affirms insufficiency and admits complete dependence (2 Cor. 12:9–10). People who rightly evaluate themselves recognize their worth, claims, and source for life are graces from the hand of God. If we truly believe we deserve nothing from God we will be appropriately thankful to God for everything.

Inversely, if we believe we are owed something, gratitude will lose out to greed, because we will operate as though we live to add to the worth that already existed, receive our due for our rights and privileges, and make our life what we want it to be by our own means.

Parentally, we will foster greedy thinking in our children when we cultivate the belief that they deserve what they want, the rights they think they have, and the feelings they feel. We deserve only wrath. Our only claim is in Christ. And the only feelings we should trust are the ones dictated by God’s Spirit, not ones derived from the flesh. This is not merely a matter of having spoiled kids. It’s cultivation of grace, which inevitably results in expressions of gratitude. How to do this, though?

Say “Yes” and Explain Grace

When asking for permission, give ‘yeses’ and remind them that you’re saying yes because you love them, and not because they have earned it or not earned it. When they ask for something, say yes occasionally, and remind them you had no particular reason to say yes. You can say yes too much, but you can’t explain grace too much.

Say “No” and Explain Grace

Your kids should not be strangers to “no.” We are not tyrants indifferent to withhold. Yet, neither are we genies, granting wishes to one who figured out they should first ask for endless wishes. You can also say “no” too much. Our Father in Heaven is a gift-giver (James 1:17). When you say no and explain grace, be careful not to tell them you’re saying no because they don’t deserve a yes. That is the exact opposite of grace. Instead say things like “I have reason I know that wouldn’t be good for you.” Or “you know I love you and I know a no would be better for you.” “God doesn’t say yes to everything, because he knows we ask selfishly sometimes” (James 4:3).

Cultivating Gospel-Expression

How your home, and the people in it, express themselves reflects the cultural expectations, norms, and unique features of the culture of your home. I’m a southerner planted in the Midwest. I greatly miss two southern cultural staples— sweet tea and southern BBQ. The midwest is great but their tea is unsweetened and their BBQ is mid. Every home has cultural “staples.”

We should be concerned when the cultural staples of our home are unspiritual ones. The gospel functions to produce several fundamental expressions, self-giving and thanksgiving. These should be our cultural norms. It should feel odd when they are not present and available. Parentally, we set the cultural tone for these staples.

Setting Self-Giving as a Cultural Norm

We should expect our children’s self-giving, and subsequently their thanksgiving, to be a reflection of ours. If we are applying grace in our living it will be proved in our self-giving. They should see us serving our own food last. They should see us insist their mom sit down and have a rest while we wrestle to occupy them. They should see us apologize first and hear us complain the least. They should know our interests are typically the interests of others (Phil. 2:1-3). Husbands and fathers should be the self-giving trend-setters in the culture of their home.

Setting Thanksgiving as a Cultural Norm

Before we get to thanksgiving as a language in your home, let me encourage two practical priorities which will establish gratitude in the culture of your home: cultivate contentment and be satisfied with simplicity.

Cultivate contentment: teach your kids what a need actually is (1 Tim. 6:8). Do this by drawing a line between priorities and pleasures. Priorities are required, pleasures are extras. If we’re always buying a bigger TV, or expressing our desire for one, we’re teaching them that a pleasure has become a priority. If we’re constantly jumping jobs to climb the corporate ladder, we may accidentally rob them of the value of learning to plod. Gratitude is a test case for the contentment of our hearts.
Be satisfied with simplicity: teach them that most of life’s value is in the mundane, not the exceptional. Set a culture of investing time, self, and feeling into activity and decisions rather than what is easiest, quickest, and most convenient. For example, a family dinner around the table offers greater opportunity for gratitude than constantly DoorDashing. Nature provides greater opportunity for awe, and therefore gratitude, than screens.

How To: Cultivating Thankful Language

Cultures are uniquely characterized by their language, not just their dialect, but their colloquialisms and metaphors. If I go to Japan, I’ll be a linguistic outsider. If thanksgiving is a linguistic outsider in our home, then it may be a reflection we are not gospel people.

Let’s be really practical here. Just say you’re thankful, a lot. Work “I’m thankful for…” regularly into your language. Take moments to pray prayers of thanksgiving after safe trips, vacations, healed ouchies, and new things. Say “I love you and I’m thankful for you because… .” This reinforces grace-filled thinking and gospel-expression. In other words, talk like gratitude is normal, and it will be.

A culture of gratitude doesn’t create itself. May God make us gospel people so that we are thankful people!

To Obey is Better than Sacrifice

Tommy Jeffcott — Wed, 19 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams. (1 Samuel 15:22)

Let’s admit it. Obedience is hard. It is difficult to submit your will to the will of another. We don’t naturally desire to be obedient. We expect obedience from our children, but are we demonstrating what obedience looks like? Do we show them that we are living in obedience to Christ?

Obedience and humility

Obedience, by virtue of what it is, is an act that requires humility if done properly. None of us is naturally humble. Each of us has some form of pride that we struggle with, and this reality makes it difficult to obey. We say to ourselves, “I don’t understand why I should do this,” or “I don’t think this is necessary,” or “if it were up to me, I would do things differently.” Stop and think about what is behind each of those statements. Behind the first statement is the assumption that I deserve to understand all of the details before I follow through. Behind the second and third statements is the haughty presumption that we know better than the one who gave us the instruction in the first place. This is problematic enough in human relationships, but when it comes to our relationship with our Creator, this kind of prideful thinking and living is downright dangerous.

Dangers of partial obedience

Consider the account of Saul’s disobedience that is recorded in 1 Samuel 15. God had given clear instructions to Saul on how he was to deal with the wicked Amalekites. Saul decided that he was going to handle things differently. He “mostly” obeyed God, but as this account makes clear, partial obedience is the same as disobedience. When he is confronted, Saul also tries to cast the blame. He accuses the people of the violation, and he claims that he himself was faithful.

These games only made things worse for Saul. God was not oblivious to Saul’s sin, and Samuel pronounces severe judgment on Saul, which begins with these words: “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams.” Let those words ring out in your mind! To obey is better than sacrifice. This truth is repeated multiple times in the Word of God. David famously utters something very similar in Psalm 51:16-17: “For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart—These, O God, You will not despise.” Humble obedience is better than empty ritual.

Obedience is better than sacrifice

Consider why this is true. First, obedience is one way that we show our love for God. Listen to the words of 1 John 5:2-3: “By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.” Furthermore, Christ Himself said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” (John 14:15)

Second, obedience demonstrates our relationship with God. As we obey, we show the world that we are not our own masters, and we are given assurance of our right standing before God. Consider 1 John 2:3-6: “Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, ‘I know Him,’ and does not keep His commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.”

Third, our obedience will bring future glory to God. Peter says, “having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.” You may never know how powerful your witness for the Lord was, but God knows, and He uses faithful people to bring glory to Himself in incredible ways.

Finally, God blesses obedience. John 13:17: “If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” This is not our primary motivation for obedience, but we can rejoice in this reality. When we obey the Lord, we can live a life of true joy, without shame, rooted in the Lord and confident in our eternal hope. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). How many people can truly lay claim to this immense blessing?

Conclusion

Obedience is hard, but obedience is best. Thankfully, God has given us every resource we need in order to live a life of obedience. We have the truth of His Word, the example of His Son, and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Those whom you are responsible for leading need to see obedience exemplified. They need you to demonstrate the traits of obedience, even as you expect them to follow your leadership. We cannot expect what we do not model. We should not be surprised by the fact that Saul’s leadership was a failure because Saul himself did not live in true obedience to God. By God’s grace, let’s commit to living a life of submission to Christ.

Fruitfulness Over Productivity

Andrew Lee — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

What should I do today? Hopefully you take a few moments each day to consider this question. Most of us would say we want to be productive. By that, we mean we want to accomplish tasks. Perhaps you have a written to-do list or maybe you use an intricately maintained task and project management system that would put David Allen to shame.

We would probably all agree that we want our answer to line up with Scripture, but it is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of checking things off.

As I recently took a step back to evaluate my own practice of answering this question, I noticed a flaw in my task management system. I had developed a habit of trying to check off the most items possible instead of the most important. It made me feel productive. As I was reading a book a few weeks ago, I realized I needed a mindset change.

In Redeeming Productivity, author Reagan Rose grabbed my attention with these words: “Christians were saved not just to get more things done, but to bear fruit for God.”[^1] As he continues in chapter 5 of his book, he points out how the Industrial Revolution and the assembly line changed our perspective of productivity.

When we consider Scripture, though, “we are called to be productive like a tree, not an assembly line.”[^2]

What difference does a shift from focusing on tasks accomplished to producing fruit make? Let me share some ways it has changed the way I look at my own productivity:

1. My heart becomes the first focus of my productivity, not what I will accomplish that day.

When I start the day thinking about all the things I need to do, it’s easy to overlook a focused time getting my heart in the right place through time meditating on Scripture and prayer. It’s even possible to do these things with the intention of checking them off instead of fellowship with God.

That’s not how fruit works, though. You have to plant a seed, water it, feed the plant, and make sure it gets plenty of sunlight. Your heart needs input to grow. Spend focused time with God each day.

When I was growing up, my dad and grandfather (who lived next door to us) had a friendly competition. They would see who could get the first red tomato growing in their garden. One year, my grandfather got it first and decided to play a joke on my dad. He took the tomato off of his bush and taped it to my dad’s. My dad was pretty excited until he realized how the tomato was connected. That was a fun prank, but my dad couldn’t claim that his plant had produced that fruit!

We can’t accomplish things of eternal value by merely doing tasks without a heart that is connected to Jesus (like taping fruit to a plant). Jesus says in John 15:5 that “apart from me you can do nothing.” He is speaking as the vine, the source of our fruit-bearing. When we try to accomplish tasks without depending on him, we can check things off. We might even look productive to others, but we are not doing things that have true eternal value. We must value heart work more than tasks accomplished.

2. Interruptions to my plans become divine appointments, not task-blockers.

C.S. Lewis wrote,

“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.”

If I’m focused on checking off the most possible tasks, then when a situation arises to disciple my kids or love my wife, I might try to get through those opportunities as fast as possible so I can get back to my “real life.” But God has called me to make disciples of my kids. God has called me to love my wife as Christ loves the church. Bearing fruit for God means when needs come up around me, I need to seriously evaluate whether those needs should be prioritized over the work I have planned.

3. I will prioritize tasks with long-term fruit instead of those that can be checked off and forgotten.

There’s something exciting about having less tasks and projects on my list, but often the most important tasks and projects I work on have no finish date. Discipling my kids is a lifelong endeavor. Hours of work, play, correction, and conversations late into the night characterize the first 20 or so years of parenting for each child. Certainly the level of involvement and authority over them changes, but I would be failing as a parent if I didn’t pray for God’s work in their hearts regularly as long as I live.

Leading my wife to follow Jesus more day by day has moments of great reward as well as times of weariness (most often due to my own sinful heart being revealed), but God hasn’t given anyone else the level of responsibility I have to prepare her to stand before Christ! I need to be ready to prioritize her needs at any time of day or night.

I consistently must take time to stop and evaluate where my priorities are. As I think about what to do for the day, I should pray and consider what tasks will prepare me best to bear fruit for God. Many times the most important tasks aren’t able to be checked off. Jesus promises in John 15:11, though, that if we live a life of fruitfulness, we will experience the full joy that he designed us for.

[^1]: Page 63, Kindle edition [^2]: Page 69, Kindle edition

Five Signs of Selfish Parenting

Aaron Berry — Wed, 05 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Everyone battles selfishness, and that selfishness doesn’t disappear when you have kids, it just gets exposed! Suddenly, you’re sharing life with little people who want things their way.

Parenting for God’s glory means disciplining, correcting, and leading your kids for their good and for God’s glory. Selfish parenting flips that around. It makes your kids behavior about you - your good and your glory.

Here are five warning signs that you might be parenting selfishly.

Enforcing rules for your own comfort and convenience.

If you’re parenting selfishly, you’re probably implementing house rules that protect your own comfort rather than promote your children’s growth maturity.

If you’re wondering if you’re parenting your kids to protect your comfort, ask yourself this question: Which infractions bother you the most? Is it when your kids are too loud or too messy, or is it when your kids are unkind or deceitful? If you’re more bothered when your kids inconvenience you than when your kids are sinning, you’re probably parenting selfishly.

Hebrews 12:10-11 says that God “disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.” Our discipline should have the same goal: our children’s good and growth in holiness, not our own personal peace and quiet.

Being satisfied with outward appearance.

If you’re parenting selfishly, you’ll be more concerned with how your kids look than about who they are becoming. This results in a focus on outward appearance that rewards conformity. Success is based on others’ opinion of your children’s behavior.

Are you more concerned about your kids behavior at church or in public than you are with their behavior at home? Do you compel external compliance without nurturing their souls?

In Matthew 23, Jesus described the Pharisees in this way: “You are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”

A focus on outward appearance could create “little Pharisees” in your home. Yes, work on your kids’ public behavior, but not to the neglect of their hearts. A shiny outward appearance should never be considered “mission accomplished” in a dad’s eyes.

Viewing your kids as extensions of yourself.

If you’re parenting selfishly, you’ll likely seek to find your identity in your children’s achievements. You’ll try to actualize your own dreams and priorities through the lives of your children. Perhaps you’re pushing them toward activities or hobbies simply because you wish you had done it when you were younger.

You may not realize it, but this could be a form of idolatry. You’re seeking to create your children in your image. But don’t forget that you’re raising God’s image-bearers, not yours. Psalm 127:3 says that “Children are a heritage from the LORD.” You are entrusted with their souls. Don’t make their performance a reflection of your worth; raise them up to reflect God’s glory.

Demanding respect without modeling humility.

Children are commanded by God in Ephesians 6:1-2, “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother.’” It is the calling and responsibility of every child to learn how to honor and respect Dad. But it is the calling of every dad to not make it too difficult for their kids to honor and respect them. This is why Ephesians 6 continues with the command: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.” Colossians 3:21 says something similar: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Do you expect your children to listen, apologize, and show respect, but you rarely do the same when you’re wrong? Do you demand respect from your kids simply because “God says so,” without exemplifying the type of humility and kindness that earns that respect?

As Christians, we’re called to think like Jesus, a mindset described for us in Philippians 2:3-5: “In humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” If the Son of God could have this mindset toward lowly sinners, we can have this mindset toward our children.

When you sin against your kids, confess it. When you mess up, admit it. Your humility will earn far more respect than your dominance ever could.

Viewing parenting as a burden instead of a calling.

There’s no doubt about it: parenting is hard. If you’re driven by self-centeredness, you’ll see parenting as a burden to escape. You’ll be counting down the days until your “prison sentence” is up. You’ll see your kids as a drain on your happiness rather than gifts from God.

If this is where your heart is, it will inevitably result in complaining. You’ll gripe to your spouse or to your friends about the constant burden of parenting and how you “just can’t wait for them to move out.” And inevitably, your kids will hear it.

What a tragedy it would be if your kids viewed themselves as burdens in your life, rather than blessings. Ask God to renew your joy as you fulfill his calling. Parenting is an act of worship! It’s a daily opportunity to serve him through serving your family.

Every one of us drifts toward selfishness. It’s part of our fallen nature to seek ease, comfort, and control. But Christ calls us to a different kind of fatherhood. Let the grace you have received from Christ reshape the grace you extend to your kids. The more you look to the selfless, sacrificial love of your Savior, the more you’ll reflect that same love to your family.

When God Changes Your Plans

Brett Stowe — Wed, 29 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Over the last few months my family has been understanding more and more the reality of Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Our family lives and serves in the country of South Africa, and we learned recently that we needed to fly back to the US on a last minute trip to deal with our 5-year old daughter’s visa (she always seems to be the one that causes the drama)!

As you can imagine, this was not in our plans. After a busy year of ministry and being in the midst of a life transition from one city to another, we did not have this last minute trip in mind. And yet, this trip was exactly what God intended for our family at this moment in time. But this situation in my own life has caused me to reflect on what it means to lead my family through life’s shifting sands of circumstances.

How do we as fathers deal with the sudden changing of plans in our lives? For some of us these changes may be simple. It may be that we need to learn to embrace the various changes to our “routine” throughout the day. Others may be called to more serious challenges: such as a terminal disease in our life or a family member, or an injury leading to a physical handicap. The question we, as fathers, need to think on is, “What will we do when God redirects our plans?” How will we respond to these changes in our lives? And, how can we lead our families through, or, in the midst of these changes?

Here are four truths that have been a comfort to my own heart during my recent change of plans. My prayer is that these four truths may guide you when God changes your plans.

God’s Timing is ALWAYS Accurate

This truth will really test our faith, but a faith that is not tested is not steadfast (Jam. 1:3). God’s timing is always right. He has never missed a timetable. Although we interpret His timing as being out-of-step or not consistent with what we intended, His timing is always accurate, but do we really believe this?

We must choose to believe the truth that our Sovereign God always does what is right, and He does so at exactly the right time. But in addition to believing this truth, we must seek to teach our family this truth as well. We must remind them that God's timing is accurate…ALWAYS!

God’s Character is ALWAYS Good

Psalm 100:5 tell us, “For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.” The Lord is GOOD! Again, do we really believe this? Do we really believe that God is good when He changes our schedule? Do we really believe that God is good when our dad is diagnosed with cancer? Do we really believe that God is good when our home is broken into?

Whatever changing circumstance comes into our lives or the life of our family, it will test the reality of our faith in God’s character. Do we believe that God, who providentially directed this change of plans, is good?

The reality is that God’s character is not based on how we feel. God’s character is based on who He is. And He IS always good! If we are going to remain faithful amidst the turbulence of changed plans and lead our families to do the same, we must believe that God is good…ALWAYS!

God’s Plan is ALWAYS Perfect

If God is good, then everything that He does is good. He can do no wrong. He is perfect and so is His plan for our lives. Now, perfect is often interpreted by us as “what we want.” God’s plan may not be what we want or what we expected, but it is always perfect. It is always just the right thing to accomplish His work in our lives. We must believe Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

So, if you find yourself suddenly facing a life crisis, you can rest in God’s perfect plan. If you find yourself in the midst of a hard parenting season, you can rest in God’s perfect plan. There is no sudden situation that will come up in our lives that is outside the perfect purpose and plan of God Almighty. We may not understand it, but we can trust God’s perfect plan…ALWAYS!

God’s Love is ALWAYS Sure

Lastly, we must remember that God’s love is always sure. This means that God’s love is always guaranteed. What an incredible comfort to our own hearts to know that our all-sufficient and all-satisfying God loves us unconditionally. He has guaranteed His love towards us “in that while we were still sinners, He died for us.” (Rom. 5:8)

Brothers, this Gospel-secured love gives us hope and confidence when the hard changes of life come. In the valleys of uncertainty, our God’s love is steadfast. It is as sure as the Gospel. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?…I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Rom. 8:35-39)…ALWAYS!

Teaching Our Families to Know God

At the end of the day, what gives us as believers the strength to remain faithful amidst the changes of life, is a deep and abiding knowledge of who God is. A knowledge of God that does not crumble when life tests it, whether this test be small or great.

Fathers, take it upon yourself to lead your family in the knowledge of God. Make it a point to teach your children the character of God. This may come in the form of a simple conversation outside while playing catch, or it may come in the form of a family devotional study at night on the attributes of God. Find ways to teach and disciple your family to know God and His ways. This will, in time, develop minds and hearts to be anchored to the character of God so that when God changes their plans their hearts continue to rest in Him.

So, as my family is currently reminding our own hearts of God’s timing, character, plan, and love, amidst this season of changes, my prayer is that many of you would find God to be everything you need to guide and direct your hearts through whatever changes may be coming into your life. And remember, nothing, not even sudden changes, can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord!

How to Help a Friend Who Has Lost a Child

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 22 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

The summer camp I worked at through college had a large obstacle and ropes course. My favorite part of the course was “the wall”. It was twelve feet tall, and the whole group had to work together to get over the top. One cabin especially demonstrated the power of teamwork. We had a larger young man who couldn’t do most of the obstacle course because of his physique.

In his mind, there was no way he was going to get over the wall. But his cabin-mates insisted he could do it. They worked together to get this young man up and over the wall, coaching him along the way, encouraging him, pushing him up and pulling him over. It was hard and slow and exhausting, but he did it. And just as importantly, they did it. The whole group celebrated that accomplishment.

When my wife and I lost our son, Zion, in 2023, we were devastated. In the months following his death, getting through the day felt like trying to scale a twelve-foot wall. As we tried to figure out this new normal of living with intense and overwhelming grief, it took an enormous amount of effort and mental energy to do the bare necessities each day.

But thankfully, in those dreadful days and months, God brought to us many other people who helped us scale the wall. Without the patient encouragement and loving involvement of friends and family, we would have struggled even more than we did. Though they couldn’t fix the problem or reduce the pain, they could give us a boost to lift our spirits and lighten our load.

I’ve written two other articles about infant loss, both speaking to those who have buried their child. This post addresses those who have watched their loved one or friend grieve the loss of a child. This is such a hard situation, and you are probably at a loss for what to do and say to them. You want to express your love and help them, but you don’t want to burden them, or worse, offend them. What do you do when you don’t know what to do? How do you help those who have lost a child?

Since I’ve been on the receiving end of such gracious help, I’d like to share five ways to help those who have lost a child. You may not be able to do all five, and this is certainly not an exhaustive list. These things ministered immensely to me, and I hope they give you a place to start as you walk the road of suffering with your friend.

1. Pray

Every person can do this, no matter your age, proximity, or resources. There is no greater way to minister to your friend than to bring them before God’s throne. You can:

Plead with God to pour out his powerful grace and tender love on them.
Ask the Lord to make His presence felt so strongly.
Pray for them to trust the Lord through the fog of grief and give their pain to the Lord in hopeful lament.
Ask God to give them a special promise from His Word that will sustain them through the day.

If you want more guidance or suggestions on how to pray for the hurting, I encourage you to purchase the short book, “5 Things to Pray for a Suffering Friend”.

I would add two other quick encouragements here. First, keep praying for them. Make them a regular part of your prayers for several months. Or even a year.[^1]

Second, tell them you’re praying for them. Set a phone or calendar reminder once a month for a year, and send them a text, email or note. Make clear to them that they don’t have to respond, but you just wanted them to know you’ve been praying for them, and then share one thing you’ve been praying for them about. That will be a powerful encouragement to them.

2. Let Them Grieve

When something tragic happens, we want so badly to fix it and make it better. And unless we have spent time thinking about what to say to our distraught friend, we may find ourselves in a situation where we don’t know what to say, and it feels so awkward, so we just slap a biblical “band-aid” on them. While what we say may be true from the Bible, it can be a gut punch to the sufferer when you try to cheer them up prematurely with a promise taken out of context or a truth “unfitly spoken” (Prov. 25:11).

Instead, allow them to be sad, because it is sad. This world is broken, and the shards of brokenness cut us deeply. When affliction steps into our home, it’s not a mark of godliness to pretend like it never happened or try to dismiss it as quickly as possible. God speaks to us in the language of pain; it’s ok to be sad. Frankly, it’s human to be sad. We grieve because we are human, but we grieve with hope because we are Christians.

So, let them grieve. Encourage them to find grace through lament. They’re hurting, so if they want to talk, listen to them. Most of the time they don’t need you to “fix things”, because things can’t be fixed. You won’t say one thing that will make the problem go away, so walk with them through their grief (if they want that). Be ok with silence if they struggle for words to say, and don’t press them about sharing the details of the situation. They will open up when they feel ready if they trust you.

3. Love Them with Actions

You can show love to them by simply taking the initiative to act. Everyone has to eat, so bringing a meal is a simple and fairly cheap way you can be a huge blessing to someone else. It doesn’t have to be homemade either—a Costco pizza can go a long way.

Gift cards have also been great too if you live further away. One suggestion here, as funny as this might sound: don’t give a gift card that requires them to make lots of decisions. It’s overwhelming trying to figure out which restaurant to order from, and it can stress people out! If you send a Doordash gift card, share with them a place that you enjoy.

Also, try to avoid the phrase, “let me know if I can do anything”. That puts the burden on the sufferer to initiate something with you. It’s better to suggest something and then ask for permission, like: “I’d like to bring a meal over—would Tuesday or Wednesday night be ok?”

4. Be patient

Love is patient. Be patient with your hurting friend. There is no schedule for bouncing back after this, and it will take years for them to bounce back. Yes, years, plural.

It’s fine to reach out and offer to talk or to do something, but if they don’t spend as much time with you, don’t take it personally. If they don’t respond to a text or phone call, don’t be put off. Don’t be nosy, looking for details and trying to pry them open. Give them space and be a steady presence of encouragement in their lives. They don’t need you getting upset with them because they aren’t like they used to be.

Remember, they are trying to just get through the day. They don’t have mental energy or relational bandwidth to do extra social things. So give them time, and practice the other things on this list, especially numbers 1 and 3.

5. Remember Their Suffering

Long after other people have moved on, they will still be figuring things out. But since we can’t see emotional injuries, it’s easy to forget they are real and hurt badly. For my wife and I, some of the hardest emotional times came 6-9 months after we lost our son. The first anniversary of his death was a hard, painful day.

A powerful way to remember their suffering is simply to talk about your friend’s child. Now, that may not be true for everyone, so be discerning. But in my mind, it encouraged me to know that someone was so kind to remember him and willing to risk the awkwardness of the situation that they mentioned him to me in a note or in a conversation.

I don’t trust my memory to remember important things. Technology can help you by doing the remembering for you; put it on your calendar or set a reminder.

Conclusion

I hope that no one you know will ever face the death of a child, but if they do, I trust these things will give you some direction on how to help them over the wall each day. By God’s grace, you can encourage them as they walk the road of healing.

[^1]: Tim Challies book, “Seasons of Sorrow”, powerfully walks you through the emotions of losing a child over the course of the next year. You could use this book to inform your prayers as you read what he felt and struggled with.

Healing after Losing a Child

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 15 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Have you had a major injury before? While I’ve had several sports injuries over the years—a sprained ankle, stress fracture in my leg, an elbow contusion—I’ve thankfully managed to avoid anything serious. After both small and large injuries, people have to go through a healing process. The bigger the injury, the more serious and lengthy the time that it takes to heal. Stroke victims go to occupational therapy for months to relearn basic functions. Athletes with major knee surgeries spend months rehabbing to get on the field. Physical injuries require an intentional healing process to restore the body’s functions.

After a major emotional loss, like losing a child, the sufferer needs to engage in a process of healing also. One major challenge with an emotional injury is that it can’t be seen or scanned with medical technology. Walking with crutches visibly reminds everyone that someone has sustained an injury and is on the road to recovery. For those who have been afflicted with a deep trial, there is no visible cue or reminder. Yet the wound remains just as long, and usually far longer than a physical injury.

How can a person heal after a major emotional loss? It’s a question that I’ve faced head-on after my wife and I had two miscarriages and then had a stillborn baby. In another post, I wrote about the shock of losing our boy, Zion, and gave three anchors we held tightly to in those early days. After the initial wave of chaos and life has resumed, the new normal sets in. And it is terribly disorienting. Like a slow-moving fog that engulfs the soul, the realization of what has happened gradually sinks in, weighing one’s heart down with heavy grief. Trying to pick up the pieces of life feels totally overwhelming and, at times, downright impossible.

Many times, I wondered, “Will this pain ever go away?” At this point, it has been two and a half years since we lost Zion. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him or look at his picture. Yet, what the Lord has taught me is this: While the pain of losing a child never fully goes away, God can heal your heart over time.

This healing process will take a long time, longer than you think it should take, and likely far longer than other people think it should take. God does not move quickly when He pours His comforts into a soul. Jehovah Rapha will heal your broken heart, but only as you take His medicine. Resentment, giving God the silent treatment, or allowing despair to control you will only prolong the agony of grief.

What does this healing process look like? While the following is not an exhaustive list, here are three actions that will help you put one foot in front of the other on the road to recovery.[^1]

1. Persevere in the means of grace.

The “means of grace” simply refers to those places and habits where God ministers to us, such as reading the Bible, worshiping at your local church, prayer, meditating on God’s promises, feeding your soul with Christian music, and sharing your burdens with a compassionate friend. Affliction can cause us to shy away from these things when we really need them more than ever.

It will be awkward going back to church for the first time; but you need to see God and worship him to heal. The long you take before going back to worship, the harder it will be.

The Bible may feel strange and foreign to you, but you have an opportunity to read it with fresh eyes. The experience of loss will give you new insights into Jesus’ character. He is “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Is. 53:3). Jesus doesn’t push away the hurting, but tenderly attends to their needs (Matt. 12:20, Heb. 2:17-18). You can run to Him over and over again.

Other people can also help. Though they may not know what to say, grieving will be easier if one or a few friends help you. It will be hard to talk about your child, about the loss, and about what you feel. You probably won’t be able to talk about your child without tears for a long time. That’s ok. Lean on others in the valley of the shadow of death. They can’t fix the problem, but they can support you with their prayers and encouragement.

2. Lament from a humble posture.

I didn’t know what lament was until we lost our son, but it became a spiritual lifeline for me. Lament is a type of prayer that expresses to God the heartaches and complaints of the soul to process these challenges, heal from the hurts, and increase one’s trust in the Lord.

In his book, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, Mark Vroegop defines lament as, “A prayer in pain that leads to trust.” (28) He identifies four parts to a prayer of lament.

Turn to God in prayer, because He is the only source of comfort.

Complain to God humbly. Complaint is a means to an end, not the end itself. It allows you to be fully transparent with the Lord about your hurts.

Ask God the hard questions, things like “Why?” and “How long?” You don’t ask these hard questions because an answer will be forthcoming; you ask the why to let God shift your focus to the who. Choose to trust God. You will not feel like praising God or trusting Him, but this is the destination lament leads to. “Trust is believing what you know to be true even though the facts of suffering might call that belief into question.” (Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, 77)[^2]

Each time you lament, you add another brick to the tower of faith. One occasion of lamenting will not completely fortify one’s faith for the rest of one’s life. Like any other spiritual discipline, its effect of lament takes hold through persistent, patient practice.

3. Prioritize your family.

Grief drains you, and the emotional heaviness makes you tired. In the aftermath of a loss, it may be wise to “circle the wagons” for a time and pare down the extracurriculars you normally do so that you can focus on your family. Get extra rest, and practice much patience.

In your grief, you can’t forget that your wife has also lost a child. Brother, your wife needs you. She must be your priority, even though you don’t have any more answers than she does. She needs your emotional support and loving attention. Chip in around the house more to take something off her plate. She especially needs you to listen well to her so that she can process her grief. Know your wife; she’s different from you, and how she grieves may look different from you. I found that when I shared what I had on my heart, it was much easier for her to share what was going on in her heart.

If you have other children, they also need you. Younger children won’t know how to express the sadness in their heart, and older children and teens may feel quite uncomfortable with the whole situation. You can draw that out through gentle conversations. Even when you don't understand and when you’re hurting, you have an opportunity to show your children how a godly dad turns to God.

And sometimes your children will minister to you, like when one of my sons said, “Dad, I wish Jesus was here to raise Zion from the dead.” How precious it was to hear a 6-year-old express child-like faith in Jesus.

Conclusion

The night of grief seems to last forever, but dawn is coming. Lament your way to hope; keep going back to the well of comfort in Scripture and the local church. Over time, the room will stop spinning and the emotional nausea will diminish, and you’ll realize that Jesus has been there, holding you close every day.

[^1]: “Holding on to Hope” by Nancy Guthrie and “Seasons of Sorrow” by Tim Challies both give additional encouragement about navigating the long road after losing a child. Nancy lost two infants and Tim a college-aged son, and both transparently shared their wrestling in the aftermath of their losses. [^2]: I highly, strongly recommend “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy” to help you navigate the long road of grief after a loss.

Facing the Loss of a Child

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 08 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Parenting brings with it a unique set of fears, but some fears loom larger than the rest. One of these ominous fears is that of losing a child. While most of the time this horrible thought lurks in the shadows, some families have faced devastating news: their son or daughter is dead.

It feels backwards and unusual, because it is. Death in this world is unnatural to begin with, but we have come to expect a predictable order for death. The elderly die; sick people die; children do not die. Adult children bury their parents; parents do not bury their young children. But when parents lay their young child to rest, their whole world comes crashing down.

No one wants this, no one asks for this, and no one chooses this. But in God’s providence this is my family’s story. In the spring of 2023, we were expecting our fourth child after a couple of miscarriages. We felt so much hope and excitement that the pain of the last couple of years would be healed with this baby’s birth.

Then, late one night at 35 weeks, my wife experienced excruciating pain; she was in some kind of premature labor. We called an ambulance, rushed her to the hospital, and the doctor planned on delivering the baby when we arrived. The problem was, they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Not the first nurse who checked us in, not the doctor, not the second doctor. He was gone. They delivered a stillborn boy in the wee hours of the morning. We named him Zion, and we buried him a week later.

Nothing prepares you to hear the doctor say, “We can’t find a heartbeat; I’m so sorry.” Nothing prepares you to arrange a funeral for your child. Nothing prepares you to take down the crib instead of laying him or her in it.

What is a father to do in times like these? While no two people will respond the same way, and while there is far more to say about this tender topic,[^1] if you have lost a child, here are three beacons of light that I found comforting and helpful in the immediate aftermath of losing my son. These beacons can give you some light in the early days of grieving the loss of a child.

1. Your child is with the Lord.

Knowing where your child is doesn’t remove the pain, but it does provide immense comfort. This was one of the first questions I wrestled with. I wanted to be certain of what the Bible taught so that what I hoped was true wasn’t mere sentimentality, but biblically-grounded truth.

The Bible does not have a direct statement that says, ‘Children who die go to Heaven.’ However, the Bible’s inferences teach that children who die are instantly with the Lord. John MacArthur’s book, ‘Safe in the Arms of God’, makes this case quite convincingly (as does this article from The Gospel Coalition and this article by Al Mohler and Daniel Akin).

Your child will be in heaven, and if you have trusted Jesus as your Savior, you will see your child again. If you don’t know Jesus as Savior, perhaps it is through the greatest pain in your life that you will come to experience the greatest joy. Though you are a sinner, deserving of eternal punishment in Hell, Jesus died on the cross and rose again to forgive your sins. You can receive eternal life by trusting in Jesus as your Savior (John 3:16, Romans 10:9). Knowing that you possess eternal life and that your child lives right now is medicine to the hurting soul.

2. You will feel alone, but you aren’t alone.

One of the most disorienting parts of the whole experience was the feeling of total isolation and loneliness. It was like those movie scenes where the character is in a room with other people but everything they see is blurry and the sound is garbled. That’s the way the grief felt like for months.

Though you feel this way, keep holding on to the truth of God’s presence. God is with you. He promised to be with you, to never leave you or forsake you (Heb. 13:5–6). Even if you don’t feel His presence, He is there.

It was also helpful for me to consciously count the ways people supported us. Our church family ran to us in the immediate aftermath of losing Zion. People showed up: they cleaned the house, made meals for weeks, and watched our other children occasionally. Many people told us they were praying for us. We received dozens of cards, and I kept every single one of them. These little notes are tangible reminders that we weren’t and aren’t alone.

3. God is still God.

The greatest difficulty for my wife and I was wrestling through our relationship to God. We had and have so many unanswered questions. I still don’t understand why God permitted him to die, but the Lord doesn’t ask me to understand Him, but to trust Him. My former pastor, Greg Stiekes, powerfully noted, “Understanding God is not a prerequisite for trusting God.”

Your questions may not be answered immediately or even at all. But you don’t have to understand to trust God. God is still who Scripture reveals Him to be. The temptation will be to change my view of God based on my circumstances, rather than correctly interpreting my circumstances through the character of God.

As the doctors took my wife for the emergency delivery, I sat in a waiting room, alone with my thoughts. The reality hadn’t quite sunk in yet, and the emotions had not burst out yet. And yet, a calm sense of resolve washed over me. The Holy Spirit reminded me that God’s goodness had to be my anchor. No matter what the coming months would hold, I knew that I couldn’t surrender the belief that God was good. Believing this didn’t make things less painful or difficult or emotional; it did give me a rock to cling to as the world spun all around me. It didn’t answer my heart-rending questions; but it did give me the right foundation to ask those questions.[^2]

My friend, God is still good. God is still loving. God is still wise. God is still sovereign. I can’t explain how all of these truths fit together, but there is a mystery in faith that acknowledges that God’s majesty is too big for my finite mind to fully grasp.

Instead of dwelling on the things you don’t understand about your situation or about God, cling to one truth about God. Our God is so great that a single truth about him, a single verse from Scripture, or a single promise He extends to you is sufficient to carry you through the storm. Ask God for one anchor to sink deep in your heart and hold fast to through the waves of grief.

Conclusion

Words can’t capture the paradox of how the grief stabs your heart so painfully while at the same time your soul feels so numb. Emotions will be rung out, and you will probably feel like a child trapped in a rip current, with wave upon wave of grief crashing over you.

In days like this, when it takes a Herculean effort just to get through the day, look to Jesus. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith (Heb. 12:1–2), our Champion who has navigated unspeakable suffering and triumphed over it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and that light shines in the face of Jesus Christ. He feels your weaknesses and knows your griefs. He will sustain you with just enough grace to make it through one day at a time.

[^1]: I plan on writing a couple more posts about this topic. Many helpful resources have been written about infant loss, grief, and suffering in general. Some that have been particularly helpful to me are: - Psalms, especially psalms of lament - “Safe in the Arms of God”- John MacArthur - “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy”- Mark Vroegop - “Holding on to Hope”- Nancy Guthrie - “Seasons of Sorrow”- Tim Challies - “Suffering and the Sovereignty of God”- ed. John Piper - “Suffering”- Paul David Tripp [^2]: In a future post I will share more about the practice of lament, which is the biblical tool for asking hard questions and processing pain in a God-honoring way.

Guiding Your Children Through Conflict Resolution

Chris Lynch — Wed, 01 Oct 2025 00:00:00 GMT

As my two children approach “teenage-hood”, I’ve observed a strong uptick in the presence of conflict. Arguments, accusations, misunderstandings that result in anger or hurt feelings are now nearly as common as the demand for snacks (not quite, but close!). Where there was once cheerful interactive play, there is now increased annoyance, disagreement, and even hostility.

Several factors can contribute to that reality. Their brains have developed more skill in critical thinking, leading to a remarkably convenient ability to argue! Their ever-growing vocabulary has given them a new weapon to use to get their desired outcomes. They are more cognizant of the conflict they see in relationships around them. Entertainment and social media tends to model an aggressive form of conflict, often painted as normal or couched in the context of “healthy debate” that still tends to descend into pettiness or worse.

Every home has conflict. No matter the age of our children, there is rivalry and strife. As parents, we have the God-given responsibility to teach them Christlike conflict resolution diligently. And if they are like mine, you likely have regular opportunities to do so! As Christian parents, we are fully equipped for this duty through the Word of God and the truths of the gospel of Jesus.

In this article, I want to encourage fellow dads in that hope. While every instance of conflict is nuanced, there are several approaches that we should keep at the forefront of our minds as parents every time. I’d like to suggest five simple commitments that we can make as parents that can positively affect every opportunity God gives us to guide our children through conflict resolution.

Put Christ’s Work at the Center of Conflict Resolution

We must start here. When our children are arguing with each other or bring home the news of developing strife with a classmate, we could coach them up with solutions from our own knowledge or experience–and there’s certainly a place for that. But we have the opportunity to give them something much more valuable. We can help them perceive their conflict and the solution to it through the lens of the gospel of Jesus. We must help them root their response in the reality of Christ’s work and example as displayed through the cross.

Consider the truth in Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” That verse features commands we all know are right. I’m sure I’ve responded many times to inter-sibling strife by yelling, “Just be kind, will ya?!” or “Say you’re sorry!” I know that’s what they should do. But I am leading incompletely as a dad by simply forcing that response without teaching them the “why” and “how” presented at the end of this verse–“as God in Christ forgave you.” This is hugely important and separates conflict resolution in a Christian home and heart from all other forms.

I can and must choose kindness, even if someone else has been unkind to me, because God has extended infinite undeserved kindness to me. I must refuse to harbor anger or enmity against someone else because Jesus humbly and lovingly extended tenderheartedness to me when I didn’t deserve it. I must forgive the wrongs done to me because I have been forgiven of so, so much more. And because I’m in him, I am given grace to look like him in this way, trusting him to help me! Teach your kids that the why and how of conflict resolution is found in the work and example of Jesus.

Use the Word of God

We just saw how simply and effectively a passage like Ephesians 4:32 speaks to our kids, on their level, about how to deal with disagreements and hurts. The Holy Spirit says it a whole lot better than we can! I’d encourage you to use the actual words of God when you are helping your kids resolve their conflicts.

Show them what God says about how they should respond and help them apply those truths to their squabble. Show them where God says conflict comes from (James 4:1-3) and encourage them to analyze their own motive in that moment. Teach them to pursue peace (Romans 12:18). Instruct them in the God-given process for approaching someone who has wronged them (Matthew 18:15). Emphasize the attitude with which we should approach that person (Ephesians 4:15; Proverbs 15:1). Remind them of Old Testament examples of the disastrous consequences of failing to resolve conflict God’s way. Make sure they hear his words, not just yours!

Gather Information Carefully Before Instructing

We parents are busy people, and taking the time to lead our kids through their conflicts takes time and effort. It can be immensely challenging to stop everything, sit everyone down, and get to the bottom of a quarrel. Our kids are human; they will always present their side in the best possible light and do the opposite for their opponent!

We as dads typically tend to default to “fix it” mode, but we must take time and effort to proceed carefully. We run the risk of being deficient or even inaccurate in our full addressing of the issue when we rush through the process or haphazardly throw out band-aid solutions. Pray together before you begin. Hear both sides of the matter thoroughly. Correct the unbiblical thinking on each side. Discuss what the different actions and responses should have been utilized and how they can be utilized next time.

Be Patiently Consistent

I’ve noticed one disturbing tendency in myself as I help my children resolve their own conflicts–I can let my impatience produce irritation. Their sibling altercations can often be frequent enough that they really drain on my wife and me. It can seem like a day doesn’t go by without several flair-ups. Our natural response to that constant stress-inducer is frustration and exasperation. I’ll admit it; I can create more conflict due to my irritated response to their conflict!

Dads, it is vital that we instruct and handle our children’s interpersonal issues with consistency. They need to know what to expect from dad and mom whenever we sit down to work through a conflict. They need to see immense patience from us, no matter how frequent (and annoying) those conflicts are. This is what it means to not provoke our children to anger (Ephesians 6:4) or discouragement (Colossians 3:21).

Here’s one truth that helps me be patiently consistent as I train my kids: We as dads must remember that we help shape their view of God through our godly fathering. As they watch and listen to us nurture and admonish them, are they seeing a model of a patient, loving, consistent heavenly Father in me? Do they see justice and wisdom accompanied by compassion and love, and do they see that with consistency? Or do they get mixed signals from me? Be patient and consistent.

Model Biblical Conflict Resolution as Parents

Dads, we can do well in all of the above priorities and still fail our children if we don’t practice what we preach in our interactions with our spouse. We know those in our home the best; our children observe and draw conclusions from what they see you and your wife do amid your own conflicts. That model can powerfully back up your biblical teaching to them, or it can make your instruction almost entirely ineffective.

When you need to have serious conversations with your spouse due to disagreements or interpersonal conflict between the two of you, make sure those conversations happen lovingly and, whenever possible, privately. But even in the minor disagreements that occur between spouses in daily family life, know that your actions instruct as well. What a privilege it is to guide our children in the paths of Christlike reconciliation. No matter the life situation in which they will find themselves, they will always be surrounded by people. And where there are people, there is bound to be conflict! There are few skills we can develop in our kids more important than handling interpersonal issues biblically. I trust that these five commitments are a helpful foundation for each opportunity. May God give you wisdom in each one!

Growing Your Capacity

Matty Ledgerwood — Tue, 23 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I felt stuck.

I wasn’t deconstructing my faith. I wasn’t pulling the plug on my marriage. I loved my kids. But I felt trapped. Going through the motions wasn’t bringing any fresh or exciting perspective on life. But who even has time for “fresh and exciting” these days?

No matter how hard I worked, the piles of responsibilities only seemed to stack higher. I serve as an Assistant Pastor at our local church in a part-time capacity. Beyond the regular meetings, discipleship, and services, I usually teach at least once or twice each week. My wife and I also own and operate two separate businesses—each with employees and complexity. We have three delightful (and time-consuming) children.

Our time is in high demand and short supply. The busyness of weekend ministry rolled straight into a week of business management, which flowed right back into the next weekend’s ministry. Weeks turned into months; months into years. I felt stuck—watching time fly by with no ability to slow it down.

I went through my list of responsibilities to see what could be cut. I couldn’t walk away from God—perhaps a minor ministry adjustment to my schedule, but not much else.

Title or no title I would still be very involved in our local church. I couldn’t imagine that abandoning my marriage or walking out on my children would improve anything, not to mention it would be wrong! I still had to eat and sleep. So, maybe a different job?

But any job would still require time and energy. I’m not clever enough to work 4 hours a week and get paid for 45. There was nothing to cut. All the time was spoken for. I spent little to no time on amusements or hobbies for myself.

In my early 30s, I began to worry that a life of peace, fulfillment, meaning, and purpose just wasn’t in the cards for me. I was doing all the “right” things, but I felt like I was drowning under the weight of responsibility. I was operating without margin—and I knew that was not sustainable.

One day, as I was sitting and commiserating about all of this, God dropped a thought into my heart: What if the problem wasn’t the amount of responsibility, but my capacity to handle that responsibility?

One of my favorite stories in Scripture is found in 2 Kings 4:1–7. It tells the story of Elisha and the widow who had debts she couldn’t repay. Elisha instructed her to gather pots from neighbors and relatives and fill them with the small amount of oil she had. Miraculously, the oil didn’t run out until every pot was filled.

The first truth that stands out is that each of God’s blessings come with some responsibility. One might even say:

God’s blessings require effort

God could have created the pots just as easily as He created the oil to fill the pots. But He didn’t. He wanted the widow to operate by faith—through obedience and effort. Imagine the conversation:

Widow: “Can I borrow your pot?” Neighbor: “Sure. Why?” Widow: “To fill with oil.” Neighbor: “Where are you getting oil from? I thought you were poor.” Widow: “I don’t have the oil yet. I’m just preparing.” Neighbor: “So, you want to borrow a pot for oil you don’t have?” Widow: “Yes.”

God’s blessings rarely come without effort. Outside of salvation, my wife is God’s greatest gift of love in my life. She is my best friend, lover, business partner, and the mother of our children. But to fully access the depth of that blessing, I must invest time, effort, tenderness, and humility. Marriage has been a personal boot camp—revealing many areas in my life that required change.

If I only focused on the energy required to maintain a strong marriage, I might conclude it’s too much work. But that’s only half the story. The blessing of walking through life with a godly wife is incalculable. The joy of building a life together is the most fun I’ve ever had.

God has allowed me to be a business owner as a means to support my family, that has also afforded me control of my schedule so that I can spend time in service at our church. Both of these blessings require effort from me in order to sustain.

As I reflected, I realized that I had been viewing God’s blessings as burdens. I had been praying for God’s favor, yet I wasn’t prepared for the effort required to steward those blessings when He answered. I wanted God’s blessings without effort, but that is not how he works. It is the effort that forces us to depend on him, turn to him, and trust him. Without the effort we would live as entitled and spoiled children. God’s blessings require effort.

My natural capacity can limit God’s blessings.

The second truth from the widow’s story is that the oil ran out only when there were no more pots to fill. If she had five more pots, God would have filled five more. If she had twenty more, God would have filled twenty. Had she collected every pot in Israel, they all would have been filled.

God’s reservoir of oil was never going to run dry, but it was metered out in direct proportion to the capacity she provided God.

What if the problem wasn’t the amount of my responsibilities, but my capacity? What if I was overwhelmed because God had already filled every pot I had prepared? What if I was stuck simply because I wasn’t prepared for what God wanted to do in my life? These were the questions that plagued me as a 30-year-old man trying to figure it all out.

Then, God gave me another thought: What if I can increase my capacity? Could I figure out a way to give God more pots to fill?

As I looked around at people I respected, I noticed something: They were doing more than I was—yet had more margin in their lives. For years, I assumed this was because they were smarter. I’ve always known I’m not “book smart.” But I began to wonder: What if their capacity had nothing to do with intelligence?

That realization marked the beginning of a 10–12-year journey to grow my capacity. If I had maxed out my natural ability, I needed to develop new skills, seek growth, and push for change—mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

You cannot grow by accident.

Godly fathers, intuitive husbands, and faithful church leaders all grow on purpose.

I once heard a pastor say that he added one new discipline to his life each year. He understood that life is the sum of our habits. If he wanted to move forward, he had to refine—or create—habits that aligned with his desired future. I can want to lose my “dad bod” all I want, but until I change my diet, cut out the fast food, and reduce carbs, that desire won’t translate into reality.

Your habits are your life.

So, I made a decision: I would add one new discipline each year. I would work on it intentionally—investing time and money, fine-tuning it, and learning from the process. At the end of each year, I would be one habit stronger. Some of those disciplines have included working out consistently, reading or listening to growth-focused books, and waking up early. I used to rise at 7 a.m.—now I’m usually up by 4 or 4:30 a.m.

I also committed to walking 10,000 steps daily for a full year. I combined that habit of movement with early mornings and used that time to listen to scripture and sermons, and spend focused time in prayer. This one habit alone has completely changed the trajectory of my life.

As my disciplines grew, so did my capacity. I now carry more responsibility than ever—but I operate with margin. Margin that didn’t exist 10 years ago. This has taken years of effort—physically, mentally, and spiritually. But it has expanded my capacity and created space for more of God’s blessings.

You don’t need to follow my plan, but you do need an intentional plan for personal growth. It must be specific, measurable, and detailed. Apply this across every area of your life, and you will grow. That growth will lead to a new level of capacity you didn’t think was possible.

The best part? You don’t need to walk away from your faith. You don’t need to abandon your marriage, neglect your children, or find a new boss. You don’t even need a dramatic change of scenery to be more effective in life or ministry. What you need is a plan for personal growth.

Chances are, the problem isn’t your environment—and it’s not that you haven’t found your passion. It’s a lack of capacity. God wants to bless you. But if you’ve maxed out your personal skill set, it’s time to raise the ceiling. It’s time to bring more pots for God to fill. God’s blessings always require effort. And it’s possible to grow your capacity to receive more of them. So: learn how to grow.

How to Talk with your Kids about National Tragedies

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Last Wednesday, within the space of an hour, I heard about two shootings. The first shooting killed the conservative political activist Charlie Kirk. The second took place at a local high school 30 minutes away. These things happened just a couple weeks after a fatal shooting at a Catholic school in Minnesota. What is this world coming to?

Tragically, this type of violence is not unusual in our culture nowadays. At some point our children will hear about events like these and grapple with hard questions and deep emotions. How can we, as fathers, raise our children to not respond with fear and think about this type of violence from a biblical worldview? How can we shepherd them to respond to this type of evil in a biblically appropriate way?

I would like to share four biblical talking points to help guide your parenting conversations about these sensitive topics. First, let me preface this with a few caveats.

I am not going to address the host of political questions that come along with this.
Whatever conversations you have with your children must be age appropriate. Please, use discernment with your children. My personal philosophy is to not shield my kids from hard things, but teach them how to think about these hard things from a biblical worldview.
The Bible and the Christian worldview have much more to say about these types of events. My intention is not to be reductionistic, but give fathers some direction for their conversations with their own children.

That being said, talking point #1 is:

1. Acknowledge the reality of sin in our world.

Sadly, people do evil things, and we can’t always escape the evil around us. A couple weeks after my wife and I bought our first home here in Colorado, my wife drove past Columbine High School. The Columbine shooting was a formative event for her as a teenager, and it was sobering to realize that we had moved less than five minutes from the school.

The Bible tells us that our world is broken. As Christians, we have an explanation for this evil: creation groans under the curse of sin, waiting for the final day when God’s justice makes all things right (Romans 8:20-22).

The language we use to describe evil is quite significant. If we diagnose evil with secular terms and labels, we take away hope because we remove the gospel solution. On the other hand, when we label evil as sin, we begin to lead to the gospel, because there is a solution for sin in the work of Jesus Christ. Public acts of violence like this are part of living in a fallen world, but Jesus died to redeem us and reconcile to himself all things (Eph. 1:7-10).

2. Anchor them in the character of God.

When children hear about these tragic events, they will probably respond with a mixture of fear and anxiety (just like we do). You can teach them how to cast our anxieties and fears on the Lord by anchoring them in God’s character. Remind them of who our God is because our trust is found in Him!

Here are a handful of truths about God that apply to these events:

God is our fortress and our protection. He watches over us. Psalm 91:2- “I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”
God is our source of safety. Psalm 4:8 — “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
God will never leave us or forsake us. Hebrews 13:5-6 — “He has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’”
God is in control. Daniel 4:35 — “He does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, ‘What have you done?’”
God is my helper. Psalm 118:6 — “The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

The list goes on. Our God is wise, good, sovereign and powerful. He is for us and with us. Though the earth may totter and tremble, our trust is in the Lord.

3. Teach them that trust in God includes wise actions.

While the Bible very clearly tells us that God watches over us to protect us, the Bible equally encourages us to take wise actions to protect ourselves.

Nehemiah provides a wonderful example of this. In Nehemiah 4, the Jewish people rebuilt the broken-down walls of Jerusalem. The enemies of the Jews plotted an attack against the city to throw it into confusion. Nehemiah led the people to do two things: “we prayed to our God and set a guard as a protection against them day and night.” Notice, they prayed AND set a guard. Their trust in the Lord was totally consistent with taking active steps to protect themselves.

Setting up safeguards to protect your family is a wise application of this principle. Our children need to learn not only the theological truths of Scripture, but basic common sense practices. That would include precautions for physical safety, like locking car doors in public, and online safety, such as not messaging strangers on social media.

Showing your concerned child that you have taken appropriate steps to protect them can reassure them when they are uncertain or afraid and help them understand the responsibility we have to practice safety in our normal routines.

4. Encourage them to pray for those who are affected.

While many of these events will take place far away from where we live, we can teach our children that prayer is a viable action to take. It may not be the only action, but certainly we can do no less than pray for those who are affected.

Not only does this give them an action to take, it disciples them in the spiritual discipline of prayer. The best way to teach them to pray is to pray with them, because they will learn how to pray for others as they listen to you pray for those affected.

Pray for the people involved: that the victims recover, that those who know the victims will experience God’s peace, and that our government leaders will do what is just. But pray also for the kingdom of God to advance: that the gospel will go forward, that Christians will be bold to share their hope in God, and that people will seek out gospel-preaching churches and Bibles to find answers to life’s hard questions.

With that being said, I encourage you to take 60 seconds right now and do this last step–pray for the situation on your heart and bring the affected people to the Lord.

Because I Said So

Garrett Rushing — Wed, 10 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

“Why, dad?”

“Because I said so.”

We’ve all heard it, and many of us have said it. This phrase, or something similar, is what we turn to when we want our children to obey or submit. Words like this may reflect impatience, frustration, or thoughtlessness. But does this follow the pattern of how our Father speaks to us?

In Isaiah 46, we read a powerful monologue where the LORD essentially says, “I will bless my children…because I said so.” What does this teach us about how God speaks? And how can we reflect our Father when we speak to our children?

“Kids, listen up” – Our God is the powerful and loving God

In Isaiah 46, God sets himself up against the false gods of Bel and Nebo. These gods are no gods at all. They cannot save themselves. They are nothing but chunks of metal, formed into mute figurines, thrown into a sack, and hauled off on a donkey. They are made by human hands, dragged away, then set on a mantle from where they cannot move – much less move to answer prayers they can’t hear.

In contrast to these powerless gods stands the true God who declares:

“Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.” (Isaiah 46:3–4)

The LORD introduces himself as one who is not made, but makes. He is not carried off, but is the one who securely carries his people for all their days. He is totally committed to the loving salvation of his children and no one can stand in his way.

“I promise” – God has made a guarantee

Yet God is not done in his description of himself. He is not only the powerful, loving God, but he is the speaking God. And when he speaks, stuff happens.

“...I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’... I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.’” (from Isaiah 46:9–11)

This is the God of the beginning who created all things by his word, the Ruler of rulers who summons kings with his call, and the Sender of the prophets who reminds his people of his promise. He tells them, “I have spoken.”

“It’s as good as done” — God comes through on his promises

What can we tell our children of this God who makes such big promises? What should be said about this One who speaks so definitively?

“I bring near my righteousness; it is not far off, and my salvation will not delay; I will put salvation in Zion, for Israel my glory.”

To the stubborn-hearted and the tender-hearted, to the righteous and to the transgressor, the message is clear: The One, True God always does what he has declared, and he has declared salvation for his people. He does not just say so, he does so.

Yet at the end of Isaiah 46, an important question remains: How will God accomplish this salvation?

“I finished the job” — God secured every spiritual blessing in Christ

Isaiah goes on in the rest of his book to unfold the beautiful work that the coming Messiah will accomplish. He tells of the rescue of his people from their rebellion, of the suffering Servant, the year of the Lord’s favor, and the coming new creation. All this comes from the Father who has secured salvation blessings for his children through the work of his only and beloved Son.

We want our children to know that when the Father says, “because I said so,” that, if they are united to the Son, they are in for mind-blowing blessing. He has decreed and then accomplished his will. His salvation has come, is coming, and will forever come to pass in the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ.

If they are in Christ, then every spiritual blessing is secured for them by the Word made flesh and are revealed to them in the Word that we open to teach them. The God of Isaiah 46 is the God who carries his children, not just to the end of life, but into true life that never ends.

Conclusion — Reflect the Father’s words

The greatest desire we can have for our children is that they would love God with all their heart for all their days. We can help them to know God by reflecting his words. We can point to him in the way we speak to them.

1. Speak your love to your children

Just as God assures us that he loves us, we must assure our children that we love them. Specific words and styles will vary among each of us according to personality and gifting, but we must speak so that our children hear and feel our affectionate, unfading, unconditional love for them.

2. Keep your promises to your children

God not only demonstrates love in how he speaks to his children, he also demonstrates his faithfulness by keeping his promises to his children. Our Father declares “I will do it” and then follows through. We do great harm when we create a pattern of breaking promises to our children.

Let’s be vigilantly faithful to do what we say we will do. And when (not if) we fail to keep our promises, let us point them to the only perfect Father by humbly confessing our sin and asking for their forgiveness.

3. Share salvation’s blessings with your children

God makes it clear that his children cannot escape his blessings. He will love them, he will pursue them, he will carry them, and he will save them through his only Son, the Lord Jesus. You are not your child’s Savior. You cannot rescue them from sin or protect them from all harm. But you can pursue them with the good news of salvation in your content and your tone.

You can speak lovingly like the Faithful Father who has shown boundless love from before the foundation of the world. You can speak with gentle strength like the Warrior King who rescues them from the domain of darkness and makes them royalty in the kingdom of light.

You can counsel them with courage and wisdom like the Guardian Helper who walks with them through the valley of the shadow of death. And you can rest your own heart in the sovereign Savior. He supplies everything you need as a sinner tasked with parenting your kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Let’s reflect to our children the One who stands ever true, ever sure, and ever strong to bless them, because he said he would.

15 Tips for Minimizing Tech Time

Kyle Grant — Wed, 03 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Ever since I was a teenager, when I read Jonathan Edwards resolutions, I’ve been hyper-sensitive to time wasting. In fact, I can occasionally have an unhealthily zealous view of time.

For example, I don’t vacation well or rest well. True rest is time well spent. Yet, one realm of life where time-vigilance is vital is technology and social media. Let me give you two principles and then a list of suggestions to consider for your technology and social media time.

Baseline Principles

Before we get to practical tips to protect time from technology, let’s apply some of Edwards resolutions to our technology and social media. A little background info here: the great American Puritan and thinker wrote most of these before he turned 20.

Edwards Resolutions

Resolution 1

Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God’s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad’s of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.

Resolution 5

Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.

Long before Instagram and Fortnite, Edwards provided practical wisdom to apply to our considerations of time and technology. Let’s be resolved to do all things to God’s glory, our own spiritual good, and the wellbeing of others. And let’s resolve to not lose moments on transient technology and meaningless media.

Biblical considerations

These resolutions draw on a wide swath of Scripture, but here are two important texts on using time well, Psalm 90 and Ephesians 5:15-16.

The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away….So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:10; 12)

Verse 10 gives us perspective on the brevity of our lives. He’s basically saying we’re fortunate if we get eighty years here! Moments, hours, days, months, and years are like birds that fly away before you realize they’ve taken off. Verse 12 gives us a mission for our moments: take time seriously so that we may maximize it wisely. We only have one life to pursue wisdom and one life to use it. We must count our time carefully.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. (Ephesians 5:15–16)

Note this is the second biblical passage that links the nature of time to the need for wisdom. Paul has been urging believers to this point to “walk worthy of the gospel to which they’ve been called” (look at 4:1). The entire context of the instruction of chapters 4-6 is living out the gospel as Christ lives in us. So here, gospel living means time-investing. We should redeem our moments because Christ has redeemed our eternity. Every millisecond of my life was blood-bought. We must invest our time carefully.

Shotgun Suggestions

At this point, I’m going to fire off a bunch of suggestions for counting and investing time with technology and social media. I do hope you see their plain biblical basis and practical value, though.

The suggestions range from phone usage to video-games. I’ve included 15 suggestions. Why? I came to that number by adding up my kid’s ages. That’s safer than using my wife’s age! I pray these help you count and invest the million tiny moments of life.

When you get home from work, take your phone straight to your room and put it away. Your family has been waiting for you all day.
If you absolutely must work on your phone (I’m often there myself), communicate that’s what you’re doing so that you teach value for work and clarify you’re not ignoring anybody. (Ironically, as I’m writing this, I just had to practice this one because my three-year-old asked if she could watch something on my computer.)
Don’t be a screen-gazer. If there’s no legitimate reason to look at a screen, find something more valuable for your eyes.
No phones at tables unless there’s an understood purpose. Our dinner table is the “throw-phone-no-phone-zone.” If we have our phone at the dinner table it gets tossed from the table (lightly). This has become a fun game in our house. You might want to get Apple Care, though.
Teach your children with both terminology and usage that phones are tools, not sources of life or happiness. Something like “mommy and daddy are actually happier when we’re not stuck in our phone.” And if that’s not true, you’ve got a greater concern.
Don’t rush technology into your kids hands. Until they actually need to communicate with you for safety purposes, phones aren’t justifiably safe.
The earlier you introduce video games, the earlier you introduce the fights pertaining to video games. Don’t open worlds of wasted time, mature themes, dangerous connections with strangers, and online bullying too early.
Have time restrictions and enforce them. If your kid overplays their games regularly or stretches screentime, it’s a clear indication they don’t expect you to take your own rules seriously. Don’t be surprised when they don’t.
Communicate the “why” behind the danger of devices (media, strangers, sexual temptation), otherwise you have no redemptive basis for enforcement.
Don’t be a digital wanderer. You’ll end up in a dangerous land or grow comfortable with an idle mind.
Create a family culture of technology being used worshipfully. Have family worship from an iPad, watch some Christian based shows, teach them to send encouraging text messages or post Scripture, etc.
Ask your kids if they feel like they compete with your phone for attention. If they say yes, apologize, hug them, and take the change seriously.
Cultivate relationships beyond screens. If your kids can’t carry on conversations, look people in the eye, or understand the need for human contact, don’t feed the deficiency by letting them hide behind a screen.
Take them to the magical land called outside. God’s creation and natural technology is life-giving. Man’s creation, called media, can be a leech.
Enjoy a family culture where identity in Christ and being loved in the home are the most satisfying values, not how many likes they get, which iPhone they have, or how many levels they beat.

I hope this has been an encouragement and these suggestions are practical helps for you. This is a lot to tackle, I know. Perhaps pick one or two and try to implement them progressively into the rhythm of your life.

Be resolved.

Count.

Invest.

Lessons from a Flood

Andrew Lee — Tue, 26 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” (Matthew 7:24–27)

Sunday morning a few weeks ago we discovered our finished basement had water all over the carpet. As I came down and looked at it, I immediately started to feel anxious and helpless. I had no idea what to do. I knew water can quickly lead to more serious problems, but I didn’t even know where to start with cleaning up. Would the repairs for this cost thousands of dollars? Days of work? Would insurance help? Later I realized I should have started with a much more important question: what truths should guide my thinking about this situation?

When floods come into our lives, whether literally or figuratively, what truths do we need to build our lives on and remind our families of so we can remain stable?

1. God is in control.

I think this truth came to my mind first when I started to really process what had happened. One meteorologist said that no one would have predicted 8–15 inches of rain in less than 8 hours unless a tropical storm or hurricane was going through the area, but that never happens in Wisconsin. No one expected a storm like that to hit our area so suddenly and violently. It was described as a 1000 year flood.

Scripture is clear - nothing that happens is outside of God’s control. Every event in our lives is crafted for our maximum good - to make us like Jesus. If God can orchestrate the events of history to bring about our redemption, dealing with our greatest need, then why do we doubt whether he is in control in the smaller events of our lives?

My kids needed to hear this and see it lived out in my response. At one point during the day as we were cleaning up and getting frustrated with our plans for the day being completely upended, I asked our boys as I wrestled with it myself - did God allow this? If so, do we need to trust that he knew what we needed today more than we did?

2. Our material possessions are all temporary.

It’s easy to start to believe in our ability to protect our things. We get insurance. We plan out our savings to cover unexpected expenses and get sump pumps with backup batteries. We purchase generators. And yet, at the end of the day, we live in a broken world. Everything is deteriorating. We forget so easily.

God reminded us of the truth that everything in this life is so fragile and temporary. As you walk through the neighborhoods for miles around our area, there are piles outside of the homes by the driveways. Water-soaked couches, carpet, toys, photo albums, furniture and many more items lay ruined,sending a musty smell down the street. No one expected it. Overnight, all of these things became ruined and worthless.

Nothing I can do will preserve my stuff forever. So maybe I should focus on eternal things a little bit more. In Luke 12:13–34, we find Jesus telling a story of a man who was resting in his prosperity to bring him peace. Jesus warns of the danger of making prosperity our goal instead of making sure we are right with God.

He calls his disciples instead to lay up treasure in heaven. We hold on to our earthly possessions so tightly. We put so much trust in them. They can be swept away in a moment, so invest your time and resources in what can’t be destroyed. Live for God’s kingdom that lasts forever, not your own temporary kingdom.

3. We must trust God to do what we cannot.

As a man, my first instinct was to “fix it”. Since I didn’t know how to deal with this much water, I resorted to Google. Use a shop vac! Of course. I should have thought of that. I started sucking it up - gallon after gallon. I texted a friend - he told me professional input was necessary and that if we didn’t deal with it within 24 hours we would have serious issues. I started to panic. I made phone calls, but everyone in our area was doing the same thing. My wife and I left messages with 15 companies and waited for them to call back. There was nothing else we could do.

My wife thought of my cousin who worked in water damage restoration - he told me if I could rent a carpet cleaner that day I should be able get enough water out of the carpet to dry it out and save it. I started to look for one, but they were all rented in our area. I stopped to pray — “God, I cannot find one. Our basement will have to be completely redone if I can’t find this tool.” God was working in my heart, and for the first time that day I realized I would be okay, even if everything in the basement was ruined and had to be redone.

Then I remembered that someone at one of the stores mentioned an area unaffected by the flood about 30 minutes away. With a phone call I confirmed they had what I needed and I headed there right away. Philippians 4:6 calls us to cast our anxiety on God. I ought to fix the things that I can, but when I don’t know what to do or I can’t fix it, I must run to God. I have to rest in Him.

4. If our hope is in this life, we will be disappointed.

I like to have things organized. I like to maintain the material things that I own well. Then, when things get damaged, I get frustrated. God sends things into my life to help me see the folly of this approach.

At the root of this thinking is a problem with where my hope lies. If my greatest hope is in preserving what I own, I have set my heart on a goal that will always disappoint. On the other hand, if I set my eyes on the inheritance I have from God, then I will never be disappointed! God’s promises are always fulfilled.

1 Peter 1:4 describes this as “an inheritance that is imperishable, undefined, and unfolding.” It is kept by God’s power. How much better to set my hope every day on this inheritance instead of things that will fade away?

Conclusion

As I think back on our experience with the unexpected flood that led to a lot of work and anxiety for my family, I have to acknowledge that the damage we faced in our home barely scratched the surface of what people in our area are facing. Some woke up with their entire homes flooded and everything gone.

However, the truths above apply regardless of the amount of loss. So whether you are facing an unplanned inconvenience or a life altering flood, lead your family in keeping your focus on eternal things instead of the temporary things that so quickly grab your attention. God uses difficult circumstances to bring our focus back where it needs to be.

The Day I Became a Dad, These Verses Came Alive

Aaron Berry — Tue, 19 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

The effectiveness of an illustration is only effective to the extent that one can identify with that illustration. There are many verses that illustrate God’s love as one of a father toward his children. I have always understood those verses, but I didn’t fully appreciate them until I became a father myself.

Suddenly, those illustrations weren’t just theological concepts, they became personal. Parenthood didn’t change the meaning of Scripture, but it did open my eyes to the depth of God’s attributes in ways I had never experienced before.

Here are six passages that I have come to appreciate more since becoming a dad.

The Father’s Compassion

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:13-14)

I always appreciated these verses, but the illustration of a father was always one that I understood second-hand. But the day I became a dad, I felt that compassion for the first time. Holding my infant daughter in my hands, my heart was immediately drawn to her. No one had to compel me to show compassion, and my child didn’t have to earn it.

These verses say that God’s compassion toward me is like that experience. It’s genuine. No one compels God toward this compassion, and I don’t have to earn it. In fact, it’s not my strength that draws out his compassion, it’s my weakness: “he remembers that we are dust.”

There is nothing robotic, cold or obligatory about his tender mercy toward his children. It’s a fatherly compassion. I easily forget that about God, but becoming a dad helped me appreciate it.

The Father’s Generosity

”Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:9–11)

As a dad, I want what is best for my kids. I want to provide for them. I want their needs to be met. This illustration Jesus gives in Matthew is intentionally ridiculous. What kind of father would give his child a serpent if he asked for a fish? That’s cruel! But that’s the point.

I often doubt God’s generosity. I wonder why he has allowed certain things into my life. Does God really have my good in mind? Matthew 7:9-11 reveals just how ridiculous that doubt is.

If I, being evil, want what is best for my children, how much more does our heavenly Father give good things? Becoming a dad taught me that I should never doubt the generous heart of God.

The Father’s Discipline

”Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.” (Hebrews 12:9–10)

Discipline is a difficult but necessary part of parenting. As a child, I remember complaining about the discipline I received, convinced that my parents were trying to make my life more difficult. But now that I’m a dad, I understand the heart of love behind it.

Discipline isn’t cruelty, it’s care. I don’t correct my children because I love them less, but because I love them too much to leave them in harm’s way.

I struggle to see the chastening in my life as evidence of God’s love for me, but that’s exactly what it is. It’s easy to look at the trials we endure and convince ourselves that God is making our lives more difficult. But it’s exactly the opposite.

Human parents are imperfect in their discipline, but “He disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.” Becoming a dad helped me understand God’s heart behind the trials he allows.

The Father’s Commitment

”But Zion said, ‘The LORD has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.’ ‘Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.’” (Isaiah 49:14–15)

I know these verses use the illustration of a mother, but becoming a dad still made these verses come alive to me. I got a front row seat to observe my wife’s tender care and commitment to our children. There is no stronger bond than the one between a mother and her child. The answer to the question posed in verse 15 is an obvious “no way!” How can a mother forget her own infant?

This illustration is in response to Zion’s complaint in verse 14, “my Lord has forgotten me.” And to this complaint, God responds, “That’s impossible.” Even if a mother did forget her nursing child, God would never forget his children. God’s commitment to you is greater than the strongest commitment we can imagine in this world. Don’t ever doubt that.

The Father’s Forgiveness

And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

The story of the prodigal son takes on greater significance once you become a dad. No amount of betrayal or sin can stop a father’s deep yearning for his child’s repentance and restoration. In this story, God presents himself as a father who runs to his broken and weary child, offering forgiveness and restoration fully and freely.

There is not an ounce of hesitation in the Father’s love toward his sinful son. As a dad, I appreciate that more now.

Sometimes, when I go to God to seek forgiveness, I imagine him with his arms folded and stern look on his face as if to say, “Really? You’re asking forgiveness for this again?” That’s not the kind of father God is. He is drawn to us in our times of brokenness, arms wide open and filled with compassion.

God’s compassion, generosity, discipline, commitment, and forgiveness are attributes we often doubt or diminish in our own minds. But Scripture gives us illustrations to help us grasp the genuine love that God has for his children, and some of those illustrations take on greater significance when you can identify with them directly.

Parenthood hasn’t made me a perfect father, but it has given me a front row seat to the Father’s love. God reveals himself as the kind of Father our souls long for. The more I grow as a dad, the more I’m thankful that I get to call Him “Father.”

What It Means to Love Your Wife

Chris Pennington — Wed, 13 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Colossians 3:19 holds two commands for husbands:

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

While these commands are easy to understand, they are both very general and require biblical wisdom to apply.

What does it mean to love sacrificially? And what can we draw from biblical teachings and practical advice to help us love our wives biblically?

Command #1: Love Sacrificially

While arguably too much has been made of the Greek word here, the word does mean something like, “to love sacrificially.”

Etymology isn’t nearly as helpful as the cross-reference in Ephesians 5:25, which says this term refers to a loyal and selfless love, one that mirrors Christ’s love for the church.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

It’s no surprise that the only other use of the word in Colossians is found in 3:12, which says that God loves us. We cannot simply feel love; we must express it through actions and words so much so that it looks like “cherishing” (Eph. 5:29).

Command #2: Do not be embittered

Colossians 3:19 warns husbands not to be sharp or embittered towards their wives. Becoming embittered practically happens in two ways: 1) when we focus on our authority or 2) when we only love our wives when we feel loved.

Perhaps a workplace illustration will help with the first point. Imagine a boss who is obsessed with his own authority. Will that boss win the respect of his employees? No! The more he obsesses over the respect he’s due, the less he’ll be respected, and the more sharp and hostile he will be. The same is true of husbands.

To the second point, if you measure out your love only when you feel loved, you will start to harden your heart against your wife because you will always grade on a curve. The command is to “love” not “love when you feel loved.”

If you wield your authority and your expressions of love out of selfishness, you will become bitter and cause your wife to retract from you, not respect you.

Practical Steps to Nurture Love

Let’s now look at five practical steps to help you apply Paul’s simple commands.

1. Learn your wife

You can read every marriage book and get advice from every husband you know, but only one person knows how your wife wants to be loved—your wife!

Listen carefully, observe, and ask specific questions to understand what makes your wife feel cherished and then change your actions to match. Your wife is always changing, so you need to be an active learner.

This is important: your love is not measured by your effort to love, but by your wife’s experience of your effort. Bringing flowers home and proclaiming, “There, I did it. You feel loved!” won’t cut it.

No matter how hard you’re trying, if she doesn’t feel loved, you’ll need to learn how to better communicate your love. So make it a habit to regularly ask how you can make her feel more loved (and don’t get offended if she doesn’t see your effort; learn!).

Better still, offer several options along with the open-ended question.

“Would you like me to sit on the couch and talk with you, make dinner, watch the kids so you can be with one of your friends, or something else?”

2. Make your wife feel cherished

Ephesians 5:29 teaches that you must care for your wife as you would care for your own body. In fact, Paul uses the word “cherish” and the concept goes beyond mere stoic sacrifice.

Your job is to help your wife feel valued and appreciated every day. Does your wife feel treasured or discarded? Does she feel cherished or used? Does she feel special or common?

Until she feels truly cherished, you have more work to do. Buy her bath bombs, make a craft together, read a book to her, bring her flowers, or be physically affectionate without initiating intimacy.[^1]

3. Be predictable and stable

Predictability in behavior provides a sense of security and stability for your entire home. Be predictable emotionally, in your schedule, in your conversations, and in your parenting. Wield your authority so your wife is at rest when you’re around.

Our world is full of moody and emotionally-immature men. When you are emotionally volatile, it disrupts the home and causes your wife and kids to dread your presence.

Seek the counsel and help of your pastor, other godly men, or a counselor to help you learn how to process life and be emotionally stable.

Mature men do not habitually pout, explode in anger, be harsh and cruel, or manipulate emotionally. Learn to process biblically and give your wife the gift of loving stability.

4. Be vulnerable

Be willing to open up your inner thoughts and feelings without being emotionally volatile. Men often wrongly assume that vulnerability shows weakness, where it actually invites your wife to true intimacy.

If you struggle talking openly, go on regular walks with your wife. I’ve always found that men open up to their wives naturally when they walk together.

Being vulnerable usually tells your wife, “I trust you with my heart. I love you” far more than gifts or money or sex ever will.

5. Pursue a lifestyle of intimacy

True intimacy extends beyond the physical. The best kind of intimacy is emotional and spiritual.

Husbands should focus on developing a lifestyle of intimacy, where their wives feel close and connected. At the very least, intimacy means you understand and respond to your wife’s need for emotional support and companionship.

(As a side note, when you pout about your wife not wanting physical intimacy, you’re telling your wife, “I don’t care about you. I just want sex.” And that is the exact opposite of intimacy.)

Conclusion

Loving like Christ is a high calling, and it won’t happen accidentally. As a starting point, ask for God’s help and go ask your wife, “What’s one way I can make you feel more loved today?”

[^1]: And by the way, your wife may or may not like any of these ideas, so ask her what would make her feel cherished.

10 Qualities to Make a Happy Home

Walt Brock — Tue, 05 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

When my wife and I were first married, it was our expectation to have a happy home. We expected that simply because we loved each other.

However, before and after our marriage we had lots of good communication, so we understood each other’s goals, ambitions, and opinions. We discussed all the key areas where couples need to find common ground—finances, parenting, in-laws, work opportunities, church, and long-term goals, and purpose in life.

We had discussions, not debates, and worked at understanding each other and coming to conclusions consistent with God’s will for us. We indeed had a happy home, but that does not mean it could not be improved upon.

Have you ever noticed when we would like things to change that we focus on how it would be better if the other person did the changing? After being married a number of years, I came across a thought that improved the happiness quotient in our home.

The thought was, “What could I do, all by myself, to improve the happiness in our home?” So, I started looking for things I could do to improve our happiness quotient.

Years later, I sat down and made a list of ten things I was learning which I believe had improved our joy and fostered peace in our home. They are all things I could personally control and do myself.

Therefore, they were my responsibility, and I could not blame anyone else for my challenges with them. The change did not happen all at once, but little by little over time.

1. I learned to work at taming my tongue.

We decided to never raise our voices with each other, especially when disagreeing. I have tried to practice this over the years, but my wife tells me she can tell when I am quietly yelling at her. I guess that proves that communication is more than just about words. I wonder how she does that because she is usually right! No yelling and no screaming is the norm in our home. (Proverbs 15:1; Philippians 2:1-4; Ephesians 4:29-32)

2. I’m learning to be considerate.

I am learning to pick up my own stuff and not be a sloppy slob, leaving a trail of stuff behind me. On the other hand, I do not need to be OCD about it either. Be neat, but not a nut! At the same time, however, I can tolerate occasional, purposeful clutter. (1 Corinthians 14:40; Proverbs 24:30-34)

3. I am quietly learning to be patient.

The Bible says in Colossians 3:19 that a husband should not be “bitter” toward his wife. Vincent’s Word Studies defines “bitter” here as being exasperated. Another commentary defines the meaning of the phrase as “friction that is caused by impatience and thoughtless nagging.”

Notice I said “I’m learning to be,” because I do not believe this is natural for men. The difference in the way men and women think and do things in general can at times cause men to become impatient and exasperated naggers. That ought never to be, but since it is not natural for men, it must be learned, developed, grown, decided upon, worked at, and eventually mastered.

I decided it must become my nature to BE patient with my wife, to BE kind and tenderhearted (Ephesians 4:32). Notice I used the word “BE” because this is not only an action but rather it is also an attitude of heart, a focus of the mind, and a state of being. Quietly learning to be patient means no yelling, horn honking, fuming, or grumbling. So, I am quietly learning to be patient with my wife, the love of my life.

4. I’ve learned to show proper physical affection.

I have learned to show public affection for my wife (without sexual intent). I am learning to hold hands as we walk in public, or not. I do this because it shows this is enjoyable, but it also shows unity, acceptance, affection, love, possession, appreciation, exclusiveness, togetherness, and also communicates the status of our relationship. (Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25–31)

5. I am learning to be satisfied.

I must be easy to satisfy regarding the material things of this world. My wife always called it “having a small wanter”! In order to do this, I had to remember:

That being content is a learned skill and mind set – Philippians 4:10-20
To grow in my trust and dependence on God – Hebrews 13:5-6
To develop a view of life that reflects an eternal value system – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18; 5:7.

6. How to speak my love.

I am learning the value of repetition in communicating my love for my wife. I need to say “I love you” often and to back it up with actions of love, attitudes showing love, and other appreciative words and deeds.

7. How to speak about my wife.

I have learned when it comes to my wife to control what I am saying to others about her. I should never say negative or disparaging words, comments, or remarks about her to others in public. Public words must always be praising and blessing words, both in meaning and in tone. Loyalty to the love of my life is an absolute, not an optional, quality.

8. To value our complements.

I have been learning that my wife and I have different strengths and weaknesses. Instead of complaining, commenting, or contrasting one with the other, I am learning how we can complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses. I need to voice my appreciation for the help or work she does and identify how I can help or make her life easier—in the home, with the family, with her work, and with her calling and spiritual gifts.

9. To be consistent.

I have been learning the value of consistency by convictional character, not for convenience or by contrivance when it comes to my integrity of life. no hypocrisy between our private home life and our public life. Living a consistent Christian life gives my wife a sense of security and confidence in my leadership and commitment to her, to our family, to the Lord, and to the calling of God’s will in my life.

10. I have been learning to be humble.

It is hard to learn, but an absolute necessity. I must remember the whole world does not revolve around me. Humility vs. pride is a lifelong struggle for everyone, but especially for men as we deal with the challenges of life and relationships. I have learned from 1 Peter 5:5–6 and Colossians 3:12–14 that:

Sometimes I am wrong!
Sometimes I can eat Chinese.
Sometimes I can go to a clothing store, a sewing store, or a craft store with my wife.
Sometimes I can clean the cat litter box – albeit rarely.
Sometimes I need to read the little 35-page booklet, “From Pride to Humility”, by Stuart Scott, the author of the Exemplary Husband.

I have much to learn and a long way to go. Please, God, help me get there. And by the way, my wife would appreciate it if it was as soon as possible!

Dads, Take Your Kids Camping!

Brett Stowe — Tue, 29 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I had the privilege of preaching at two youth camps this summer (winter here in South Africa), and it caused me to really take a moment to consider what makes camping such an effective tool when it comes to our discipleship as believers in Christ. Is the effectiveness found in being outside? Is it found in being away from the normal routines of life? Or is it found in the continuous exposure to God’s Word? Well, it’s a combination of all these, but we can summarize them into two main points: (1) the great outdoors, and (2) the inspired Word.

The Great Outdoors: God’s General Revelation

Psalm 19 provides a template for us in considering how God’s revelation is communicated to us. Psalm 19:1 says, “The heavens declare the glory of God,and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” Creation reveals God. It proclaims His power and His goodness to us. We see God’s beauty as we climb the mountain, swim in the stream, or hike along the trail.

But we would be missing the full effect of God’s creation if we limit its influence to mere theoretical truth. The outdoors do not simply allow us to learn of God intellectually, they also allow us to learn of Him experientially. This is one of the beauties of camping! Nature provides an environment where God’s truth is not only learned but experienced.

So why is camp an effective discipleship tool? It is effective because, free from the distractions of life and technology, we are continually seeing and experiencing God’s glory and goodness in His creation. But what is needed to actually make this effective?

The Inspired Word: God’s Special Revelation

Nature provides a great environment for learning more of God, but this is only effective as the Word of God is proclaimed. Psalm 19 goes on to say in verse 7, “The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.” Camping and being outdoors does not grow anyone spiritually apart from being immersed in the Scriptures (God’s special revelation). But camping, combined with continuous exposure to God’s Word (whether it be preaching, personal Bible study, listening to an audio Bible or book), can be an incredibly effective tool for one’s spiritual growth.

During my college years, I worked at a summer camp. I would often find opportunities during the week or on the weekend to spend time praying and studying God’s Word out in God’s nature. Those moments are some of the most cherished in my spiritual walk. Now, as a father, I try to prioritize taking my son camping every year for his birthday. One of my goals in doing this is to expose him to God’s beautiful creation. But my second goal is to create a focused time where we can prioritize reading, studying, and meditating on God's Word together.

One may say, “But isn’t discipleship done in the context of the local church?” Yes, it is. But that doesn’t mean that it is only done at the church building or with a pastor at a coffee shop. We are called to cultivate our spiritual growth both individually and corporately. And going camping is one tool that may be helpful for you, and your family, as you continue to grow in Christ.

Dads, Take Your Family Camping

In this article I’m not advocating for one specific type of camp (i.e. church camp, family holiday, weekend retreat). I am merely trying to encourage all Dads to take advantage of the great opportunity we have to take our families camping as a tool to facilitate our spiritual growth. It can be an incredibly effective tool to be out in nature reading one’s Bible and contemplating the great truths of God found in His Word.

Maybe what you need to do right now is plan a father-and-son weekend away. Some of you may feel led to prioritize taking your family to a week of family camp next year to one of the Christian camps that your church is familiar with. And some of you may just need to go out in nature for a day and pray with God. This is all good! Combining the beauty of God’s general revelation with the heart-changing truth of God’s special revelation is oftentimes very powerful for encouraging us in our spiritual growth.

So Dads, why not take your family camping and allow God to use the beauty of His creation with the power of His Word to encourage your hearts for His glory?

God’s Gift of the Conscience for Parents

Tommy Jeffcott — Tue, 22 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Parenting is filled with surprises. You may be surprised by what you are able to accomplish when you haven’t slept well in many weeks. You might be surprised by something that your child shares at the dinner table. For example, “Dad, I learned that a group of giraffes is called a tower.”

Recently, I was surprised in a different way. I was surprised by the mixed emotions that I felt when my son didn’t try to conceal his sin. Earlier in the day, my son and I had a conversation about technology. I had observed that he, like so many other children, was struggling to understand how to use technology for good without letting it absorb too much time.

He agreed that this was a temptation and he told me that he would abide by the rules that his mother and I had laid down for the use of technology. A few hours later, I couldn’t find my son in the house and he wasn’t responding to my voice. I located my son in an out-of-the-way spot in our house as he tried to conceal the use of technology from me.

He heard me coming and he tried his best to hide what he was doing, but to my surprise, when I asked him what he was doing, tears began to well up in his little eyes. Through those tears, he confessed, “Dad, I was doing what you said I shouldn’t do. It’s just so hard to obey when you're so tempted by something.”

These are the moments that a Christian father prays for. You might be asking, “Are you praying for your son to disobey?” Certainly not! I am praying for my son to recognize what sin is and for him to acknowledge the influence that it can have on him.

By God’s grace, I sensed the great importance of this moment in my son’s life and I put off what I was planning to do in order to be able to sit down with him and talk.

We talked about the importance of obeying your Father and Mother. We talked about the danger of technology addiction and finally, we talked about why he felt the way that He did when he realized that he had been caught. This final part of our conversation took us to the biblical truth concerning the conscience.

What is the Conscience?

Perhaps you, like many others, would admit that you have a vague understanding of the conscience. You might be thinking of the angel and the devil on your shoulder. You might have been led to believe that the conscience is the same thing as the Holy Spirit.

Andy Naselli, in his excellent book Conscience: What It Is, How To Train It, and Loving Those Who Differ, offers the following definition of the conscience: “The conscience is your consciousness of what you believe is right and wrong”. Naselli elsewhere writes: “The guilt that your conscience makes you feel should lead you to turn from your sin to Jesus. God gave you that sense of guilt for your good.”

The Conscience and Parenting

Each of us has a conscience, and with our conscience comes a profound responsibility. We must see this gift of our conscience as a stewardship. How does this apply to our role as fathers?

Once we realize what the conscience is and that our wife and our children each have one, we must then seek to capitalize on every opportunity to mold their conscience around God’s revealed truth. Their conscience is an invaluable asset in the task of leading our children to the Lord and cultivating a Christ-honoring home. We can be confident that as we faithfully teach them the truth, God will use that truth in their lives.

The Conscience and Love

In addition to this, consider the words of Paul as he writes to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:5:

Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith.

Paul is instructing Timothy to deal with the false teachers whose false teaching had damaged the church.

Verse 5 of chapter one is Paul’s rationale for why Timothy needed to stop the false doctrine from spreading. His love for Christ and the church and the believer’s love for one another were all critical to the healthy spiritual life of the church. Who among us doesn’t desire to have a home that is characterized by Christ-like love?

Paul goes on to tell Timothy that in order for love to be at the center of their lives, it must be undergirded by three things - a pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith. Purity of the heart is possible only as the Word of God is known and applied to the inner man by the Holy Spirit. A pure heart will be a heart that truly loves God.

This leads to a good conscience that has been informed by the truth. Finally, the result of both of these things is a sincere faith. This kind of faith is consistent. What you say is matched by what you do. These three things work as a three-stranded cord of love in the life of the believers. This is what we are seeking to foster in our homes.

Trusting God and His Word

At this point, we need to answer a scary question. What if my child rejects the truth and their conscience is hardened? This is what every Christian parent fears. Let me suggest that though this is a possible outcome, we must not be paralyzed by this possibility such that we fail to teach our family the truth.

We need to remind ourselves that it is the truth that God uses to shape the inner recesses of the heart (Romans 10:17). It may sometimes seem like we’re not getting through, but remember:we’re not the ones who have the power to get through in the first place (Acts 2:37). Our job is to teach and God is pleased to use His Word to transform (Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 3:18).

This is not to say that we shouldn’t teach in a relatable way, but we also shouldn’t over complicate the truth. When they are young, we teach them the basics in a simple way and as they grow, we adapt our teaching style to their stage of development. This certainly takes time, practice, and patience, but it is always best to give God the benefit of our doubt.

By God’s grace, may we capture every moment that God provides in order to teach our children God’s life-transforming truth.

Book Review: Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong

Chris Lynch — Wed, 16 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

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Each summer, parents of upper elementary-age children and teens face the daunting challenge of what to do with their bored offspring without schoolwork to keep them busy! My parents were no different. One of the suggestions I received from my parents growing up that I most appreciate to this day was to read the Book of Proverbs three times throughout the summer.

Starting on June 1, they encouraged me to read one chapter a day, and since Proverbs has 31 chapters, I repeated that in July and August. It’s a perfect trifecta of summer Bible reading! (Yes, this is a book review article, but take this as an extra recommendation included for free!) Wisdom is the great theme of Proverbs–and indeed one of the great themes of all of Scripture.

The Need

We are instructed to value wisdom highly, to get wisdom,pursue it with all our might, and to not forsake or forget it, no matter what (Proverbs 4:5-9). As you read Proverbs, you can’t miss the emphasis on wisdom. We’re also told that true wisdom is ultimately a gift from God (Proverbs 2:6).

Wisdom is different from simply gathering knowledge. I’ve heard it aptly defined as “skill in godly living.” It’s the skill of taking the truths of God’s word and plugging them into daily life. It’s the ability to apply God’s timeless truths to what you’re facing today. The Bible isn’t a collection of accounts and truisms from long ago; its teaching is timelessly true to life right now–for you and your kids!

Unfortunately, wisdom is a frighteningly underdeveloped skill in our churches and homes today. The world around us provides no shortage of opportunities to apply wisdom.

As our culture continues to slide deeper into secularism and relativism (everyone gets to decide what is right for them), our families must have a basis for truth and the ability to wisely apply it.

How does God want us to think about things like entertainment, politics, or morality in this postmodern society? Our children are often unprepared to apply God’s truth to what they see around them because we as parents are similarly unprepared.

For years, I’ve recommended a particular resource to both parents and older teens that I’d like to recommend to you here. Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong is a collection of mini-essays written by the leadership of Grace Community Church, the church pastored by renowned preacher and writer Dr. John MacArthur. Its subtitle, “a biblical response to today’s most controversial issues”, is a great descriptor of what this book does so well.

This has been a g–to resource for me in several ways: first for my own benefit as I grow as a father. Also, it has benefited my children as they grow in their understanding of the cultural goings-on around them. And then it has also been a helpful resource for the young people in my church as we wrestle through these issues together.

The Highlights

After a brief introduction by Dr. MacArthur arguing for the Bible’s relevance for everyday challenges and ethics, the rest of the book presents twenty different chapters, each one addressing how biblical truth speaks to a specific modern topic or challenge. Each chapter is written by a member of Grace’s pastoral team who has extensive experience or expertise on dealing with that challenge in the context of the church.

The chapters are grouped into four categories, with each category featuring five chapters. The categories are Entertainment and Leisure, Morality and Ethics, Politics and Activism, and Tragedy and Suffering.

The various writers tackle topics such as internet dating, virtual reality, media choices, abortion, homosexuality, climate change, racism, immigration, and the reality of suffering in the world. Although it was first published over 15 years ago, I find that the wisdom provided in this book has lost none of its poignancy, even in an ever-changing landscape of our culture.

The chapters are bite-sized–only 10-15 pages on average–and simple in its presentation. However, I’ve found that each topic is covered thoroughly. You walk away from each essay sensing that you have a firm grasp on the issue itself, how the truth of Scripture speaks to it, and what we should do with that truth. Every topic is addressed both biblically and logically, answering potential questions or objections with reasoned truth.

One of the hidden benefits of reading this book is that it builds great confidence for every believer. Every time I finish reading a chapter, I have a powerful, joyous sense of confidence that the Word of God is true to life and sufficient to provide all I and my family need to live life in this world in a way that honors God and looks like Jesus.

The entire book is dedicated to the church body at Grace, so this resource actually began as an exercise of loving pastoral concern, instruction and care. As a result, the feel of the content is personal and immensely practical.

When it comes to our families, the role we dads have is very similar to that of a pastor. We gently shepherd our children, lovingly providing truth on their level that speaks to what they are facing. We are, in short, called to teach our children wisdom! That’s what Solomon was doing in Proverbs (Prov. 1:8), and it’s what we’re called to do. Our world is desperately in need of wisdom–and so are our families.

Conclusion

Proverbs teaches that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Taking God and his truth seriously is the foundation for being wise. In order for our children to wisely walk in an ever-changing and increasingly ungodly world, they need to know and be confident in the fact that their God has answers to what they see around them.

He also expects them to respond to those issues as he instructs. I think you’ll find this book to be a great help in that!

Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong is worth you reading as a dad, first and foremost. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be able to use it as a reference with your family as questions arise in the minds of your growing children about what they see around them.

Finally, I think you’ll find it enjoyable and worthwhile to encourage your teens to read it for themselves, perhaps with you reading and discussing alongside them. It’s packed with wisdom–that skill in godly living that we all are called to pursue and in which we should always be increasing!

Who Calls the Shots In Your Home?

John Pate — Wed, 09 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

My experience as a growing dad is probably similar to yours in many ways. Before I had kids and was married, I knew I was a sinner and that Jesus was my Savior, but sometimes I felt like a pretty decent person. I made my bed most days. I didn’t yell at people in public. I was pretty nice. And then I got married and had kids, and I began to realize something is very wrong with me. I am naturally a very selfish person.

I suspect you’ve experienced the same thing. We are all naturally self-centered people, but our selfishness shows up most clearly in our relationships, in particular, relationships with those closest to us. This selfishness is an indicator of our desire to rule our own lives, and it negatively impacts our relationships, especially our home relationships. Dads who try to be the ruler of their lives damage their homes.

So when we turn our attention to Paul’s instructions to dads in his letters, it’s like a garden in a desert. In contrast to the dark backdrop of our selfish decisions, Paul showcases the beautiful difference Jesus makes in our home.

Consider Paul’s instructions to the Christian dads in Colossae.

The New Creation Hits Home

In chapters 1 and 2 of Paul’s letter, he has already told Christian dads that Jesus changes everything about their lives. The risen Jesus is King over everything, and those who repent and believe are raised with Him to become a new creation—a citizen of Christ’s heavenly kingdom. Christian dad, you’re a new creation!

So here’s a question. What will it look like for a new creation dad to live on this old earth? In particular, what will it look like at home?

Take a moment to read Paul’s answer in Colossians 3:21:

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

This is just one piece of Paul’s multi-faceted instructions for the household. He also addresses wives, husbands, kids, domestic slaves, and their masters. And if you were to keep reading, you’d notice one word gets repeated. It’s the word “Lord,” most likely referring to our Lord Jesus. The word “Lord” is used sixteen times in Colossians, and nine of those instances are found in this little passage!

So, when a Christian dad lives out his new creation life, his focus will be on the Lord Jesus, not on his own desires or ambitions.

Think about it this way. If you see a hobby drone flying around your neighborhood, you can be pretty sure that someone is controlling it somewhere. When the drone moves right, someone is directing it. When it lands, someone is controlling its movement.

In the same way, when someone walks into your home and begins to watch your behavior, they should think to themselves, “Someone is calling the shots here.” A new creation home is a home where Jesus is calling the shots. And a new creation dad is a dad who bows to Jesus.

But how does he bow to Jesus?

Bowing to Jesus at Home

Paul’s answer is short and weighty:

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

I don’t know about you, but I would have expected Paul to say, “Fathers don’t become provoked at your children.” But Paul’s inspired instructions are moving in a different direction.

To provoke means to “exasperate” or “to cause someone to react in a way that suggests acceptance of a challenge”. So, what’s going to provoke your children? Relating to them as if you and they are in a competition. Have you ever done that? This might look stringing together harsh and hurtful words to put them down, trying to prove that you’re right, placing unrealistic expectations on them, wanting them to make you look good in public, worrying about what they will become, excessively disciplining them, or refusing to discipline them at all.

The bottom line with all these failures is that you are viewing your children as if they exist for you—as if you are their owner or lord. When you treat your child like you are their lord, like they exist for you, It’s going to exasperate them, because—let’s face it—you’re not a very good lord. According to Paul, this is eventually going to make them lose heart and give up.

So if you want to bow your knee to Jesus, don’t follow your own plan. Instead, let the Lord Jesus call the shots. Ask, “What is Jesus seeking to accomplish in the lives of my children through me?”

We get a slightly fuller version of Paul’s instruction in the sister letter to the Ephesians—this time including the positive side.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Did you catch it? What is Jesus doing in the lives of your children through you? Discipleship! He wants to discipline and instruct your children—through you! Christian dads bow to Jesus by discipling their children toward greater Christlikeness.

This takes place in informal moments throughout the day. When you’re hanging out with your kids, you’re looking for opportunities to point them to the Lord Jesus. When you’re requiring obedience or disciplining for disobedience, you’re representing the Lord Jesus.

This also takes place in formal moments. When you’re leading your family in a group devotion time or preparing them to worship with your church family, you are seeking to exalt the Lord Jesus Christ.

Somebody is Calling the Shots Here

So let’s say someone walks into your home and sees you gently handling your child’s bad attitude by pointing that child to Jesus Christ. The person may think to himself, “It’s obvious that this dad isn’t following his own plan. Somebody else is calling the shots here!”

Maybe you look at your own family and think, “We’re a mess, a mess that feels beyond repair.” Let me encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus. Take your eyes off your own failures or the frustrations of parenting and fix them on Jesus Christ. Bow your knee to Him each morning. Let Jesus call the shots in your home.

Gospel Pictures for Preschoolers

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 02 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I was staring deep into the pale blue eyes of my rascal four-year-old son. He’s a personality and a half, bringing our family so much joy, and always keeping us all on our toes.

At that moment, we were in the middle of another conversation about his sinful behavior when I faced a dilemma. On the one hand, he’s old enough to start learning the gospel, but on the other hand, how can a preschooler understand some of the bigger gospel truths necessary for salvation (e.g., sin, justification, atonement, etc.)?

His real problem is heart-deep, not surface-level. Only God can rescue him by changing his sinful heart. I asked myself: How can I teach him what the real problem is (his sinful heart) and how God alone can solve this problem (salvation) without going way over his head?

The Spirit of God brought to mind several “gospel pictures”—illustrations the Bible itself uses to portray the life-changing truths of the gospel message. “That’s it!”, I thought. Using the Bible’s own inspired gospel pictures, I could share gospel truths with my preschool son. These pictures packaged the truth in ways he could grasp, teaching him the truth about his heart and the power of Jesus to save.

Here are four gospel pictures that I have found helpful in sharing gospel truth clearly and effectively for my preschool-aged children. Each picture comes straight from the Bible and draws on a deeper doctrinal truth.

Your heart is sick, but Jesus can heal it.

Children understand being sick; they know what it’s like to not feel well. When they are sick, they take medicine or go to the doctor.

In the same way, their heart is sick, as Jeremiah 17:9 says:

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

But this is not like having a cold. Their hearts won’t get better with a couple days of sleep and medicine! No, the heart is desperately sick, beyond cure. Only Jesus can heal sick hearts (Mark 2:17), and he does this when a person puts their faith in Jesus as their only Savior.

Your heart is dirty, but Jesus can clean it.

For several years, we had a large sandbox in the backyard. Our boys love to dig in the sand, and one boy especially enjoys pouring water into it to create a “mudbox”. After he finishes playing in the sand, he needs to get clean, usually by washing the dirt off in the bath.

The Bible says that sin makes our hearts dirty. Isaiah 64:6 says,

“We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.” Even our best deeds are still defiled by sin.

Our hearts need spiritual cleansing, which comes through the blood of Jesus (1 John 1:7). This “spiritual bath” takes place at salvation, when the Holy Spirit washes away the sins from a person’s heart (Titus 3:5).

Your heart is broken, but Jesus can fix it.

Our boys enjoy building Legos, and with three of them building and playing, inevitably their set breaks. Pieces fall off (or are confiscated) and often they need Mom or Dad to help fix the set. Many times a toy or piece of equipment will break, and Dad has to try to fix it.

Sin has damaged our hearts so badly that we prefer to rebel against God rather than run to God. Paul expressed this frustrating reality in Romans 7, saying, “I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (15) Why is he unable to do what he wants? He explains a couple verses later: “So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” (17)

Sin has made our hearts like a bicycle without a wheel—unable to do what is good and right, preferring the evil. Who can heal the broken heart? Jesus (Ps. 147:3). Who can deliver a person from the power of sin? Jesus (Rom. 7:24–25). Who can fix the mess that sin has caused in the world and in our hearts? Jesus, only Jesus (Eph. 1:10).

Your heart is hard, but Jesus can soften it.

Our family loves ice cream, especially in the summer. When we pull the ice cream out of the deep freezer, it takes a few minutes to soften before we dig into it. Thankfully, a little heat and a little patience results in a bowl of ice cream.

Sin has hardened our hearts and made them like concrete. The prophet Ezekiel described the coming day when God would take hard hearts and make them tender.

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”

This heart transplant takes place through faith in Jesus, since his death on the cross brought about this New Covenant between God and sinners (Matt. 26:28). When a person receives Jesus as Savior, they receive a new heart with new desires to please God.

Final Thoughts

The power of these illustrations is that they teach the child what the problem is (sin) and what the solution for that problem is (Jesus). These pictures communicate love to them by talking about the root cause of their failures instead of simply correcting their behavior.

These pictures are not “magic pills” or “silver bullets” that automatically lead to conversion, but they can shape your little one’s heart if you use them consistently over time.

It’s one of a parent’s greatest privileges to teach their children the gospel, and I hope these gospel pictures give you talking points to use with your preschool-aged children.

Gutted by Guilt: How to Handle Parental Regret

Kyle Grant — Tue, 24 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Our family loves Bluey. Mommy and daddy laugh as much (probably more) than the kids do. I remember early in the Bluey-watching days I would irrationally ask myself why I wasn’t as fun and chill as Bandit. A TV show, about animated dogs, was giving me dad guilt! I shared this jokingly with another brother in our church, and he felt the same! How odd, to look at my TV and feel twinges of guilt watching Bandit play Dance Mode. But, how gutting, to look at my child's eyes and feel regret, knowing I’ve caused them pain.

We’ve all been there. It was a harsh word. It was an alarming tone. Or, it was a life-changing pain, like moral failure. Since our love for our children is unmatched, the guilt is proportionately more gutting. I’ve never met an un-guilty parent of any age or at any stage. Parental guilt may become an unbearable burden and paralyzing pain if not assessed and addressed correctly.

So, I want to offer four simple theological realities and a corresponding Scripture to respond to parent guilt, whether a twinge or paralysis.

1. What they are in Christ is more certain than who they will be because of us.

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. (Romans 6:5)

This text is describing what takes place to true believers when Christ saves them. They are not brought in nearness to Christ but oneness to Christ. Since Christ’s resurrection brought us to oneness in him, and he cannot be unraised, our union is settled in Christ. We can’t be fired from it. It can’t be lost on us or in us. We are secure in the glories of Christ through the grace of Christ. This spiritual uniting means we receive the resources of Christ, the security of Christ, and the rights and privileges of Christ. Amen and amen!

Often, when I sin against my kids, I intentionally use the phrase “Please forgive me. Jesus wouldn't do…[insert however I sinned].” I am attempting to put distance between my sin and Christ’s security. I want them to be confident in Christ, not primarily in me. If you help them know who they are in Christ, you need not be crushed by the fear of who they aren’t, or might not be, because of you. You don’t need to toil to keep them safe in yourself when you can relinquish their safety to Christ, who secured them in himself. How can you answer your insecurity of parental regret? With the truth that as long as they are in Christ, everything is going to be ok.

2. The only perfect Father to ever live both parents us and parents with us.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" (Romans 8:14-15)

Here Paul is meditating on the glory of our adoption to God and God the Spirit’s work in sealing our adoption to our Father. So, Paul makes the case that through the work of God the Spirit, we are safely secured in God the Father.

This next part is important. Check verse 15 with me; there is apparently an immediate byproduct of defaulting to the spirit of slavery to sin rather than resting in the Spirit of adoption. It says when we don’t live in the confidence of our adoption, we default back to fear. Fear and guilt are a two-headed monster.

Think of the immediate events of the Fall in Genesis 3. After Adam and Eve disobeyed, their guilt (covering their shame with leaves) caused them to hide in fear. From the very beginning, where you’ve found guilt, you’ve also found fear. So, where do you go when the two-headed monster tries to gut you with guilt and produce fears from your failures?

Assure yourself in the love of God. If we truly understand the love and assurance of our Heavenly Father, we have a place to go when we aren’t very good earthly dads. The fears of guilt will not prevail over the grace of your Father. Bring your failings to the Father who will never fail you, and you will bring your children into that confidence with you.

3. The work of true transformation is lifelong, not limited by duration.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

Man, I’m glad for this verse. Perhaps you think of the half-finished projects you started around the house. Your wife definitely is! Christ is the ultimate task-finisher, and here, that task is transformation. He has sanctified us and he is sanctifying us (Heb. 10:14). You see, the gospel is a line, not a dot. It didn’t just do something. It is doing something. Christ began it, and he will finish it.

That means I don’t have to get it all together this week. He is getting it all together in me over time. And so it is with your kids. Our failures don’t nullify God’s grace to transform over time. What happened yesterday, or last month, or decades ago, will not detract from Christ’s sufficiency to sanctify today. We mustn’t live our lives counting our children’s years in our failures when Christ intends to be faithful to them for a lifetime.

4. What is redeemed in Christ cannot be ruined by us.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

How many parents have felt a chill go down their spine at the thought that their kids would turn out like them?

Well, to put it morbidly, if your children are in Christ, you cannot ruin them. According to this text, salvation doesn’t make ok people excellent people, or even bad people good. It makes new creations out of old, dead chaos. Friend, you quite literally cannot ruin a redeemed child, for they were redeemed from ruin! So, living as new creations in Christ assures that we will live in the rest and resource of redemption, rather than the striving and insecurity of sin.

The gospel is sufficient to free you from guilt before your heavenly Father, and so it is able to free you from guilt before your earthly children. We who have been made positionally free by gospel grace have no need to feel gutted by the pains of parental guilt.

5 Benefits of Reading with Friends

Andrew Lee — Wed, 18 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Back in 2013, I was invited to a men’s book study with a group of men from my church. Over the next 4 years, we would meet weekly on Fridays at Panera and discuss a chapter that we read throughout the week. We read books on business, productivity, Bible study, and a number of other topics. Those regular meetings to keep each other accountable to read and think through books carefully led to some of the most profitable reading (apart from Scripture) that I have done.

Since that time, I’ve frequently read through and discussed books with others. Each time I do it, I’m amazed at how much more I learn than when I just read a book by myself. Conversation with others can be incredibly profitable. Proverbs 27:17 confirms this truth: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

Consider some of the benefits of reading with others as a regular habit:

1. It keeps you accountable to be reading good books.

How many books did you read in the last year? Some of you know the answer immediately and could send a list. For the rest of us, we easily get distracted by less valuable things (sports stats, social media, the news, etc.). Knowing that you will be meeting with a friend or group of friends in a few days to talk about what you’ve read can be enough accountability to motivate consistent reading. Why not gather a group of friends to read along with you?

2. It provides profitable topics for conversation.

Do you ever get together with a friend and have a great time, but then later realize that you didn’t talk about anything important? We can certainly talk about important things without involving a reading assignment, but reading can help us to practice this. Think of it like training wheels on a bike. A good book can lead to many topics that we might not come up with on our own. When you develop a habit of talking about what’s important with friends, it’s easier to return to those kinds of conversations and topics.

3. It helps you to grow in discernment.

Not every book you read will be profitable. Every book needs to be compared with Scripture. Some books will contain clear errors, others may overemphasize a particular truth or idea, and some may not apply well to the context you are in. As individuals, we don’t always see these things clearly. Getting input from others as we consider ideas is wise whenever possible. Proverbs 18:17 puts it this way: “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” This verse warns against only considering your own opinion without letting others give input and point out the weaknesses with your perspective.

4. It broadens the range of books you read.

As I talk with people about the books they’ve read, there is usually a consistent pattern to the genres or topics they read about. We all have different interests. It’s not necessary that we all have uniform interests, but it’s certainly healthy to read broadly so that we can grow into well rounded believers and fathers. Philippians 2 makes it clear that we are supposed to consider others instead of only focusing on our own interests. One way that we can grow in this is to read what others would choose. Learn how others think and what interests them. Discussing it with them gives a bonus opportunity to understand what excites them about a particular topic. Maybe you’ll even gain a new interest!

5. It provides accountability to put into practice what you’ve read.

I recently read through a book that covered various spiritual disciplines with a group of other men. Whenever I see those guys, I think about asking them how they are growing in these areas. We spent so much time talking about our strengths and weaknesses, I feel much better equipped to discuss these topics with them. I know better how to pray for them. I think of texting them regularly to check in on how things are going. Many good books give us areas that we ought to grow in. Some provide direct application, while others will offer good opportunities for us to discuss takeaways. The shared experience of reading something together drives us to check in on each other.

How can you start?

There are numerous ways that you could start to practice reading with others. Depending on the season of life you are in (babies, young kids, older kids, etc.), it will probably look different at different times. Here are some ideas to consider:

Pick 3 friends who you would enjoy talking with and ask them to join you in reading something together.
Select a book together that is applicable to most in the group (check out the Growing Fathers’ Resources page for ideas).
Establish a reading and meeting schedule — twice a month can help alleviate some pressure, but sometimes doing it weekly for a season is better.
Find a place to meet — many may prefer in person, but if video chat works better for everyone, try it out!
Plan your discussion — consider questions like:
- What did you learn?
- Did you have any concerns or questions about what you read?
- Is there anything should you change based on what you read?

Don’t forget that you can do this with your family too. Read a book with your wife and discuss it. On a recent trip, my wife and I listened to a book on parenting in the car and would pause to discuss it. Read with your kids too! When they’re young, your discussions will be shorter, but as they get older, your conversations will deepen.

God has designed us to grow in community with others. One way that we can do this consistently is by reading and discussing books together. If you aren’t doing this at the moment, I hope that you’ll try it out soon!

Avoiding Snares of the Summer

Addison Hagberg — Tue, 10 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever failed to anticipate danger?

When I was in middle school, a friend and I ventured out into the woods to a rope swing. Snow had recently fallen, so everything came with an extra level of excitement…and danger. I eagerly launched off of the hill and ascended over the marshy ravine below. However, I did not anticipate the ice on the rope nor the inability of my winter gloves to grip the rope. In a painful thud, I was on my back. When I finally looked around, on my right was a piece of sharp, jagged metal. I had escaped injury by mere inches because I had not anticipated the potential dangers of that swing.

Scripture says, “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it” (Prov. 22:3). The wise man sees evil coming and avoids it. The unwise don’t care, and they fall right into the trap.

In my experience, these traps tend to come around transitions, like a career change, a move, or new stage of life. Good things can be a trap, and one “transition trap” we fathers should be aware of is one that we experience every year: the transition from spring to summer.

I want to look at four Summertime Snares that can trap us if we are not careful and prevent us from pointing our children to Jesus.

1. Summer is a time of relaxation.

I’m sure you have looked forward to relaxing since the end of last summer. I kicked off summer by spending a week at the beach with my family. It was so nice to finally get some rest. But what’s the danger here? The danger is that we can put relaxation above all else.

We have worked hard all year and now feel we deserve to relax. Yes, relaxation is a good thing. There are times when we need to rest. The problem is that we tend to place the emphasis on self and overcompensate on how much “rest” we need. Rest can quickly turn into isolation and laziness.

So how can we counteract this tendency? Here is a simple action step you can take: Find ways to invest in others this summer.

Look for someone outside of your immediate family that you can serve— and bring your kids along with you! Get the focus off yourself in little ways, and help your children see the value in serving others as well. Don’t let your need for rest turn into selfish indulgence. Beware of the danger and find someone to invest in.

2. Summer is a time of flexibility.

Summers bring long days and days off. There’s not as much need to get to bed early or get up early. You can make time for the things that you have been dreaming about all winter. However, this too can be dangerous. Flexibility causes us to get out of routine.

We may not enjoy every part of our daily routine, but routines help us to prioritize good things. Important things like church attendance, Bible reading, and prayer may start to be replaced by our hobbies. We can miss out on some important things or give them less attention because we neglect to live with purpose. To correct this impulse**, plan to prioritize the most important things.**

If we don’t have a plan for the important, we will revert to what is easy and comfortable. Prioritize your time in a way that reflects godliness to your children and family.

One great way to do this is to set apart times to spend with your kids one on one. Use the change of routine to give them the individual attention that they need!

3. Summer is a time with family.

I have many fond memories of summers as a kid. Almost all of them involve spending time with my family. I’m sure that is the case with you too. The danger is that if you are not walking with God, your kids will see it. During the summer, your children will get a closer look at who you are.

Parenting often reveals our true character, and our children will see if you are living for God or just putting on a face for church on Sundays. You can’t lead your family further than you are spiritually, so purpose to grow in character with your family.

We all have room to grow, and your kids will probably be the first to point that out! Make it a goal to exemplify spiritual growth. Grow in your time in the Word and in prayer. Over time, you will see God changing you.

As you are growing, bring your children along with you. You can have a time of family devotions or prayer before bed, for example. Through small actions, you are teaching your children that the summer doesn’t mean a break from spiritual things.

4. Summer is a time for relationships.

With more free time and warm weather, we gravitate towards others. Summer afternoons at the pool, cookouts around the various holidays, and other community events just bring people together. The danger here is that we miss the opportunities to build gospel-centered relationships.

Relationships are an essential component of the Christian life, and we need other Christians in our lives so that we can build up one another. This summer, find another dad that will encourage you in Christlikeness. Like iron sharpening iron, we can sharpen each other in our effectiveness as fathers.

Summer may have its snares, but we also have an incredible opportunity to devote more time and energy to the Lord and our families. Even implementing one of these four suggestions may help you avoid the summertime snares. Lord willing, you can look back at this summer with satisfaction, knowing that it helped you point your children to Jesus.

Help! I have a teenager!

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 03 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

A few weeks ago, a friend shared with me how they celebrated their son’s birthday a few days ago, and now they had . . . a teenager. With a deep sigh and a note of exasperation, her next words were something to the effect of, “I don’t know what to do.” It was like her son had mutated into a new creature, this thing called, ‘teenager’.

Do you share her fears? The teenage years can be the scariest years of parenting; they can be a tumultuous time for both parents and teens. Everything, it seems, changes. The internal shifts (in things like emotions, hormones, logic, values) reshape many external things, like relationships and attitudes.

Though these years can be challenging, teens aren’t mutant ninja turtles, and they aren’t half-human either. They are precious souls made in God’s image who are undergoing some of the biggest changes of their lives.

Their emotional, physical, and mental development often affects the spiritual realm as teens wrestle to make their faith their own. They face strong temptations and spiritual pitfalls during these years. My greatest spiritual struggles took place roughly between the years of 12 and 16. And that was before iPhones, the homosexual and transgender revolution, and “the anxious generation”. Teenage life today is more complex than ever before.

As fathers, we cannot shy away from our responsibility to guide our cherished, gangly teens through these often stormy years. While we can’t force them to love the Lord, we can keep leading them to the Lord. That means we must strive to give them biblical answers to their questions and feed them with mature, age-appropriate instruction from Scripture. We can’t ignore hard or complex topics; we need to show our teens that the Bible addresses even the most difficult and sensitive issues.

One major obstacle that we fathers face is knowing what to say or where to go in Scripture to help our teenager wrestle through these things. That’s why I am so happy to introduce you to a new set of resources called “LifeLine for Teens”. These booklets are aimed directly at teens to help them address the unique spiritual challenges they face.

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Kelly Collier, series editor and author, shares her heart behind these resources:

“While a variety of mini-books are written about teen issues, few resources are written directly to teens. This series aims to meet the needs of both teens and those engaged in discipling teens (parents, youth pastors, mentors, etc.) by providing short, easy to read, practical guides that address current teen issues with hope and help from God’s Word.”

Each book begins with the word “help” in the title, then lists the topic the booklet will address, such as “Help! I’m Doubting” or “Help! I Need to Forgive”. The authors construct the titles to communicate a positive tone and trajectory. Each booklet follows the same general template: chapter 1 describes the problem; chapters 2 and 3 unpacks the biblical solution, which gives hope to the reader; and chapter 4 gives practical instruction on how to live it out. These books are accessible to anyone because the books are 50 pages or less!

The series is designed not just for teens to read by themselves, but with a spiritual mentor. At Growing Fathers, we recognize that we (along with our wives) are the primary disciple-makers of our children. Most of us probably wouldn’t know where to start on a topic like gender confusion, but these booklets give us both a starting place and a guide through Scripture, aimed at the heart of the teen. Jim Newcomer, one of the authors and the theological editor for the series, says,

“These mini-books are anchored to the sufficiency of Scripture, the promises of the gospel, and the goal of Christlikeness. Each booklet is a road map for teens and parents alike to walk together in navigating sin, establishing spiritual disciplines, and having hope after failures.”

Currently, there are 12 books in the series, addressing gender confusion, anxiety, shame, purity, authority, leadership, depression, Bible study, forgiveness, assurance of salvation, loneliness and living for Jesus. Each of the books also comes with several companion resources on the website.

Full disclosure, I have had the privilege of writing two books in this series, but that’s not why I recommend these resources. These booklets are both helpful and hope-filled. They are helpful, giving us biblical teaching on subjects that are both urgent and difficult. They are hope-filled, showing how the power of Jesus in the gospel can change anyone, even those in deep distress or having failure in their past.

Yes, the teenage years can test the faith of any teen and parent, but by God’s grace you do not walk through these years alone. The LifeLine for Teens resources will not magically solve all your teenager’s problems or answer all their questions, but they can be a valuable tool in your parenting toolbox.

Three Dangers of Fathering

M.J. Hancock — Tue, 27 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

The Lord calls all of us fathers to raise our children in his discipline and instruction (Eph. 6:4). One way he directs us in this task is through providing examples of fathering throughout Scripture (1 Cor. 10:11-12).

In this post, I want to consider one of the most striking negative examples of a father and reflect on how his story should alert us to three dangers that we can slip into that will ruin our families.[^1]

1st Danger: Apathy and Lack of Prayer for Our Children

Eli feared the Lord, and he expected his sons to grow up fearing the Lord. But that did not happen. Hophni and Phineas grew up into ungodly men who did not know or fear the Lord (1 Sam. 2:12). How did Eli respond to this? He probably had some concern for them, but did he grieve over them and plead with the Lord for them? Surely, we would find such a man bowing in earnest prayer at the tabernacle!

But throughout this account in Scripture, we don’t see Eli concerned for his sons or praying for them. Someone is praying, but it’s Hannah. She comes to the Lord, so anxious about the troubles in her heart and the problems in her home that she pours out her soul to the Lord (1 Sam. 1:15–16).

Is this still the case today, that only the mothers and grandmothers are the ones concerned enough to pray for the children? Let us rise up, O fathers and grandfathers! Let us bear on our hearts the burdens of the spiritual needs of our children and grandchildren. Let us go often to the Lord and pour out our soul’s desire for their salvation and true victory over sin.

O Lord, remove any apathy I have toward my children’s spiritual needs. Oh, please enable me to watch over them and pray over them earnestly and persistently.

2nd Danger: Honoring Family Above Honoring the Lord

From the time they were born, Eli probably expected that his boys would grow up to follow him in the service of priesthood. He looked forward to bestowing on them such an honor and keeping the priestly privilege in his family line. But when they reached the eligible age for ordination, he knew they were not qualified.

How could they display the priestly plaque, “Holy to the Lord”, over their heads (Ex. 28:36) when they lived wholly to themselves? He knew he should not ordain them. But what a shame it would bring on the family name, and how else would he keep the priestly privilege in his family?

Somewhere along the way Eli compromised what he knew was right and what honored the Lord. He ordained his ungodly sons to serve as “holy” priests. Later, the Lord directly exposed his motive, “You honor your sons above me” (1 Sam. 2:29).

Promoting his sons to a respectable position, securing the best opportunity for their success, and preserving his family’s honor became more important to Eli than honoring God’s high and holy name.

As fathers today, we too face temptations to prioritize our family too highly. Through gradual compromises we also may wrongly prioritize our family’s reputation, success, or comfort above honoring and obeying our Lord.

For instance, when facing serious struggles in our parenting, we may feel like keeping everything hidden, wanting to maintain the persona that we are great dads with nearly perfect kids. But the Lord is honored when we bear each other’s burdens (Gal. 6:2). We must be willing to humble ourselves and share our parenting struggles with those who know us, truly love us, and can help us with their prayers, encouragement, and advice.

O Lord, teach me to fear you more than I fear man and seek your honor more than my family’s honor and my own honor.

3rd Danger: Failing to Rightly Rebuke & Chasten Our Children

Eli’s compromises continued. Not long after his sons became priests, they began to use and abuse the religious system to fill their money pouches and fatten their bellies. They literally were stealing meat from the Lord, seizing some of the raw meat for themselves before it was even sacrificed (1 Sam. 2:15).

These filthy vultures kept polluting the people’s sacrificial offerings and blaspheming the Holy One of Israel. The Lord did not overlook this; their sin was “very great in the sight of the LORD” (1 Sam. 2:17).

But how did Eli respond to all this? He kept quiet. He knew his sons were committing grievous iniquity and blasphemy; he knew he was responsible to rebuke them and at least expel them from the priesthood; but he would not restrain his sons (1 Sam. 3:13).

Eli’s years of such neglect opened the way for his sons to degenerate even further. From gluttonous vultures to lusty stallions (Jer. 5:8), they began committing immorality with the women who served at the gate of the tabernacle (1 Sam. 2:22).

What appalling acts of gross evil were taking place right in the midst of God’s holy place! Yet Eli still remained quiet until the rumors went around and the bad reports came in. When he finally spoke up, it was no use. Hophni and Phineas would not listen to the voice of their father (1 Sam. 2:25).

They knew when a rebuke was not backed up by any real commitment to consequences. Their dad would not dare remove them from the priesthood or ever consider calling the community to lawfully stone them (Lev. 20:10). Because Eli still would not restrain his sons, the Lord sent him two messages of judgment (1 Sam. 2:27–36; 3:11–14).

Since Eli would not take action, the Lord would deal with Hophni and Phineas himself and bring judgment on the entire family (1 Sam. 3:13). As Spurgeon put it, because Eli spared the rod of rebuke, the Lord brought down the axe of judgment (C.H. Spurgeon, A Private Enquiry, Sermon No. 2184). What a tragic end, due to a father’s negligence.

Father, keep me from such negligence in discipline. Enable me to be a father who faithfully rebukes and chastens my children in love just as you do. I pray in the name of your obedient Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Conclusion

Over the past year, God has consistently used this sobering account as a warning bell in my mind . Many times, when I was tired or unwilling to drop what I was doing to deal with a parenting issue, the Holy Spirit reminded me, “Don’t ignore your children’s sin! Remember Eli.”

I pray this story will help us fathers to recommit ourselves to faithfully discipline our children, no matter what sacrifices it requires of our time and energy. Yes, we must be careful not to be nit-picky dads who constantly rebuke our kids for their numerous imperfections (Prov. 19:11); that only discourages them (Col. 3:21).

But we must keep doing the hard work of rebuking and chastening our children when they sin, just as our Father does with us (Heb. 12:6–7). May the Lord rescue us out of all these dangers and grant us the great joy of seeing our children walking in truth (3 John 4).

[^1]: Last year, I shared a post here on one the most exemplary fathers in Scripture.

Fatherhood is a Vapor

Brett Stowe — Wed, 21 May 2025 04:07:20 GMT

If you’ve been around the church for some measure of time, you have probably heard the phrase “Life is a vapor.” This is taken from James 4 where the author is urging believers to consider the brevity of their life in light of their relationship to God. He argues for a God-dependent life rather than a self-dependent life. And while these truths are very important when we consider the short time we have in this world, they are of an even greater importance when we consider the brief moment of time that we, as fathers, are given to impact our children.

Walt Brock wrote a very helpful article in a previous post on “How to Wisely Use Time as a Dad.” I would encourage you to read through that article. But while he dealt with the practical steps to take as one considers their use of time, I would like to dig a bit deeper into the mindset that produces this wise use of time. So, let’s consider four mindsets that understand “Fatherhood is a vapor” and live in light of this reality.

Be Dependent

Simply put, you cannot do this on your own. James is writing to challenge the sin of self-dependence. We believers are not meant to live as those who make plans apart from considering our God and our brevity. We were created to be dependent on our Creator. It is the same in our calling as fathers as it is in life: we are dependent on our Creator for the grace and wisdom to lead our families.

Be Intentional

If you knew that you only had a year of life left, how would this change the way you lived? We may not know how long we have on this earth, but we should live as if each day was our last, not recklessly but intentionally. If you knew that you only had 1 year of life left to parent your children, serve your wife, and impact your family for Christ, what would you do? Be intentional with these things.

Be Grateful

We should take every opportunity to mold young hearts towards Christ. This is a great privilege we have as fathers, and something we can enjoy as a gift from God. We are blessed with the opportunity to serve our wives unconditionally. What a privilege to be the leader of a home. What a joy to hear your children yell “Daddy” when you walk through the front door. What a blessing it is to wrestle and snuggle before bed time. We don’t deserve these opportunities, but God in His good grace grants them to us. Be grateful!

Be Focused

Always strive to be “all there” as a father. It is so easy to be around our families but not with them. At the end of a long work day, scrolling through our phone seems easier than engaging with our families. Yet, we are called to strive for a biblically-driven focus in our fatherhood. This means that we are committed to the cause of developing young disciples of Christ and we keep that focus before us and our family constantly. When life and circumstances seek to knock us off course, we don’t let them. We are focused on the mission that God has called us to as fathers.

Just as James reminds us that our lives are a vapor, so we need to remember that our calling as a father is also for just a brief moment. So the question remains, “How will you use your brief moment as a father?” Put on a mindset that fully embraces this truth and make every opportunity count for the glory of God.

I Don't Like Being a Dad

Mike Diener — Tue, 13 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

“I don’t like being a dad.” I’ve confessed many things to my wife in our fourteen years together, but that was probably the hardest.

At the time, we had two children under four years old, and I could see every single day that God crafted my wife for the calling of motherhood. Everyday, she gave everything she had with a smile. She found joy in the little moments. She laughed with the kids and played with them every chance she got. Even in the sleeplessness and exhaustion, she found so much joy in being a mother.

For me, it took all the mental strength I had to engage with my kids on any level. I really tried, but often I found myself sitting next to them, staring at the clock, and wishing for bedtime.

I watched other fathers play with their kids, jealous of how their excitement and joy grew as they spent more time with their kids. I became more and more frustrated with older parents and grandparents who would tell me that I was going to miss these days.

The ironic part is that I actually wanted kids. My wife and I discussed it all the time, and I remember crying tears of joy when I found out she was expecting. I was so excited to become a dad! But almost four years in, the one thought I kept circling back to was, “This wasn’t how I thought fatherhood would be.”

My wife would catch me on my phone and, with a forced smile, she would say, “Hey you’re missing this.” Begrudgingly, I would set my phone down and pull myself back to my kids. It was brutal, and I began to resent my choices in life.

There were other contributing factors. I was working full time, and I had just started grad school when we were surprised by our second child on the way, but I always felt like I could handle work and school. It was being a dad that drained me.

So you can see why I dreaded telling my wife how I felt, but when I finally admitted it to her, she seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and said, “I know. I can tell, but it’s okay.”

The Root of the Problem

By now you probably realize, like I eventually did, that the problem wasn’t my children. The problem was my own heart. However, I don’t want to sanitize this discussion. That conversation with my wife took place four years ago, and while I have learned to have joy in fatherhood, I still feel very similar to how I did back then. But that’s the root of the problem: focusing on how I feel.

When I was in college, I read through the Bible and found myself obsessed with the book of Ezekiel. If you don’t know, Ezekiel is a prophet who experienced a vision of God directly and was appointed by God as a watchman over Israel. God commanded him to do many seemingly insane acts of obedience. (Seriously, go read the book!) The most outrageous thing God says is that it didn’t matter if Israel listened to his message or not.

How could God call someone to a seemingly fruitless ministry of constant self sacrifice? If you haven’t guessed it, that’s what he calls all of us to.

Fatherhood often feels fruitless. I work tremendously hard to engage with my kids. I want them to have a dad that cares and that prioritizes them. And yet most of the time, it feels like my kids aren’t growing in the ways that matter. My wife and I strategize, read parenting books, talk with other parents, and take parenting classes at church, and often, it still feels fruitless.

Further, I feel entitled to a life filled with things I enjoy. But parenting is so often about self-sacrifice. My kids need my attention. My kids need my affection. My kids need my affirmation. God knew that when he designed our family. So I don’t get to avoid my responsibilities as their father.

A Mindset Change

Over the past four years, God has shown me many things that need to change in how I view fatherhood. Here are the top 3:

1. The mission outweighs my selfishness.

God loved Ezekiel, but instead of making his life easier, God entrusted Ezekiel with an impossible mission, one that would require him to abandon any form of selfishness. Why? Because Israel knowing that God hadn’t abandoned them was a holy calling that went far beyond Ezekiel’s comfort.

Over the past four years, God has exposed more and more of my selfishness. That process has been painful, but it’s been very good for my growth as a believer.

2. Being unqualified doesn’t mean I can’t do the job.

Why did God stick my kids with a parent who clearly wasn’t good at it? Why couldn’t I love being a dad? Wouldn’t that be better for my kids? Truthfully, those questions don’t matter. God did choose to make me a father. The Bible is filled with men and women who were shocked that God chose them for his plan.

Rarely were they qualified from their own perspective. But that’s how God works. This is the same God that had Elijah dump gallons of water all over a stack of wood before he rained fire from Heaven to consume it. It isn’t my place to question why God put me here. Instead, it’s my job to lean on his power and wisdom to do what I have been called to do.

3. There are moments of joy to be found.

For years, I read books or told stories to my son at bedtime. It was not something I was good at, but it was something I did to be a good dad regardless of how I felt. Eventually, I realized that his brain would open up at night and that he wanted to discuss everything he could think of. This was hard on me because I was exhausted. Thankfully, I was encouraged at church to lean into those moments.

Last year, I decided to read Little Pilgrim’s Progress with him. If you don’t know, it’s a fantasy story that’s actually an allegory about the Christian life. As I read, I would stop and explain many of the allegorical elements. To my surprise, God used this book in my son’s life. After we read one night, he thought about the story of the little boy in the book and realized that he too needed to be freed of his burden, and on his own, asked Jesus to save him from his sins. Even though I struggled through years of reading at bedtime, God used my obedience as part of his redemptive plan for my son. It was a moment of joy that will stick with me forever.

The truth is, I still find many aspects of parenting very difficult. But I’ve learned over and over that investing myself in the lives of my kids is a calling that is worthy of my time and my energy. I sometimes still wish that playing with my kids would invigorate me, and I have to remind myself that God sees my faithful obedience in the hard times and that when I meet him face to face, it will all be worth it.

Regardless of “results”, every moment I invest into my children will be worth it because it’s a moment that I am on mission with my Savior.

How to Find Purpose in Summer Break

Chris Lynch — Wed, 07 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Your school-age children have likely reminded you that the long-awaited end of school and onset of summer vacation is nearly here! Kids everywhere get pretty excited about their two or three months of freedom. The break is often well-earned and has an important purpose. Our children need those built-in breaks to thrive!

Unfortunately, it only takes a couple of weeks for that excitement to wear off and for stagnation to set in. That stagnation produces discontent and tries the patience of parents! Why does summer so often rapidly devolve into idleness, sibling conflict, complaints of boredom, and just general sluggishness in our kids, and what can we do about it?

Summer presents us with a golden opportunity to help our children find purpose and valuable action, from start to finish. I’d like to present six simple concepts that I hope will help us structure the summer in a way that will achieve a balanced, purposeful and profitable break for our children.

These practical steps won’t just help their sanity (and ours!); it will help them obey the God-given commands to redeem their time (Ephesians 5:16), bring God glory in our activities (1 Corinthians 10:31), and be “always abounding” in the work God has given us to do (1 Corinthians 15:58)!

Play

This one may seem to go without saying, but there is a reason for summer vacation! Times of recreation are important for our children’s physical and mental health.

But children need direction in order to maximize that intended benefit. For us, that means purposeful parenting in contrast to a hands-off decision to let them loose to determine play on their own. Their default will often be forms of play that involve electronic media. While those forms of play may have their place, over time they are proven to contribute to stagnation and lethargy.

We as parents must make sure purposeful play happens and make sure it includes some physical activity. Plan outings that involve physical activity, perhaps with friends. Schedule outdoor time every day and provide them with ideas or options for how to use that time. When there is a choice between two hours of video games and a trip to the neighborhood pool, make sure the pool often wins out!

If both parents work, find time in the evenings for these activities and vigilantly protect chunks of time on your days off for this purpose. This kind of intentional play takes effort from us as parents, but it is both necessary and worth it!

Read

Here’s a great way to beat the heat–read a book! Not every child is an avid reader. Every child is different, so this is not a one-size-fits-all suggestion. But reading at some level and for at least some period of time is immensely profitable for our children. Intentional reading will ensure that their minds are growing and profiting, even while on break.

Try utilizing a weekly trip to your local library to get started. In most cases, libraries have something for pretty much everyone. Nearly every child, no matter their hobbies, areas of curiosity, or level of eagerness to read, can find something that peaks their interest in a library. When a child picks out a book herself because it attracted her attention, she will be much more motivated to read it.

Perhaps schedule a reading time in the heat of the day where those books get devoured indoors! This will look a bit different for every child and family, but it’s unlikely you’ll come to regret some form of this commitment this summer.

Study

Structure your summer in a way that encourages your children to review some of their academics in a casual way, perhaps once a week for a short time. A simple online search will uncover endless resources for nearly every subject and grade level that are designed to be fun and brief while reinforcing what they have learned.

You or your kids may ask, “Aren’t we supposed to be getting a break from all that?” Yes, a break from the all-out nature of the school year is healthy. But continuing some non-invasive forms of review and reinforcement will help ensure that our children are always “increasing” mentally (Luke 2:52), not to mention helping ensure a strong start to the next school year.

Work

As your children age beyond the pre-school years, summer provides a great opportunity for growing their capacity for manual work. By allowing a summer dedicated only to recreation, we run the risk of subliminally teaching an unbalanced perspective on life.

When we teach them that work and play are both part of a healthy and fulfilling life, we are underscoring a biblical worldview for them and preparing them to be productive and healthy members of society. Summers are a perfect opportunity to teach that balance.

We already talked about the importance of being active rather than sedentary, but this applies beyond their forms of play. This summer, include in your expectations for them some projects or activities that involve them getting some things done. This can take the form of something as simple as a chore chart of things around the house that need to be done before play. Perhaps plan a large project in the house or yard or for a neighbor that they can tackle together as siblings or you all can do as a family.

Rest

This is an important point of balance to everything else we’ve seen. While being active vitally protects our children from a stagnant summer, we still must not neglect the need for rest. Rest is a lost art in western culture at large, and that trend certainly affects our children year round. Our family schedules can be so chaotic and our pace so frenetic; we must intentionally plan calm and peace into that schedule and pace. It is physically, mentally, and spiritually beneficial.

Just as you plan periods of activity, plan down times of rest. Consider interspersing some slightly earlier bedtimes amongst the later nights that we often default to during school breaks. The concept of rest doesn’t necessarily mean sleep, either.

Reading (see above) can be a form of strategic and profitable rest. Consider making the summer family vacation trip less about trying to fit in all the fun activities and more about slow-paced time together. The principle of the need for recovery after a period of all-out activity is a biblical one (Mark 6:31-32).

Serve

This is perhaps the most important and healthy recommendation of all. Families, in the midst of all the play and work and rest, use your summers to serve God and people!

Open your home for hospitality opportunities with church family members. Open it for outreach opportunities with neighbors. And in both those instances, make the kids an active part of that ministry.

Many churches are active in the summers with various outreach ministries. Involve your children in such opportunities wherever you can. Utilize their increased free time to visit older members of your church and help them around the house or yard.

Take some effort to be creative; you won’t regret it! Involve your kids in that brainstorming of where they can serve as well; that will enhance their ownership of each opportunity. Serve God and others in ways that may not be as feasible during the busyness of the school year.

Successful , Not Stagnant!

Your kids CAN have so much more than a summer that devolves into boredom, idleness, sluggishness, and self-centeredness. It doesn’t have to be stagnant!

We as parents have the opportunity and responsibility to guide them into profitable activity and encourage them in intentional use of their time. This honors God, grows their perspective on life and effectiveness in service to Him.

And hey, as a likely side benefit, it might just help keep you sane to boot! I hope you and your children have a wonderful, profitable, purposeful, memorable summer!

How to Wisely Use Time as a Dad

Walt Brock — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

It was a special day! What made it so special, you ask? That is easy; it was July 4th, and it was our first child’s birthday!

Every year after that, everyone celebrated his birthday with fireworks and parades, at least that was how his mother and I felt about the whole thing. As I held him in my arms that birthday, visions of things to come flashed through my mind. Camping trips, ball games, holidays, and all kinds of special events together flashed through my mind.

Then the reality of time hit home. He was not ready yet for all those future events. We would have to wait until he grew into readiness for such things! But that was okay because we had lots of time ahead of us to enjoy all those precious times together. Then, it seemed like it was just yesterday that he was born, and now we were driving him to the airport to get on an airplane as he left for college 2000 miles away from us – where did the time go?

I remember some of my early dreams did happen, but it seemed not near enough of them. Why was that so? When he was born, time seemed to crawl by, and so much of it was ahead. What happened; where did all that time go?

Time can be our friend if we use it wisely or a cruel taskmaster if we do not. In the early days of our years of raising our children, a friend of mine showed me his yardstick of time. He had marked it up and divided it into sections. Each section represented a portion of his life. He quoted for me Psalm 90:12:

“So teach us to number of our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”

Then he told me how the exercise helped him use his time wisely. The idea clicked in my mind, and I found an old yard stick and figured if each half inch represented one year, then the 36” yardstick represented 72 years of life. I marked on it when I was saved, when I surrendered to God’s will for my life, when I was married, the birth of each of our four children, when I was ordained, and when I started Ironwood.

As I did so, it dawned on me that about half of the time my children were going to be in the home was already gone! Seeing time visualized like that got my attention, and I determined from then on to use the rest of the time I had with each child more wisely.

I developed a timeline that helped me see the different stages of life as a child grows up and what each stage of development needed. It helped me identify the key areas I was responsible to teach my children. A study of Deuteronomy 6, Psalm 78:1–8, and Ephesians 5 and 6 helped me identify those responsibilities.

I will start with the biblical principle that wise people use time differently than unwise (foolish) people do, and that time usage is one way we can tell the difference between the wise and the unwise.

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:15–17)

Let’s consider five biblical reminders about the wise use of time.

1. Consider our potential remaining number of days (Psalm 90:12).

Moses wrote Psalm 90, and the basic theme of the psalm is about using time well. In the end (v.17), we should be able to ask God to establish, bless, and prosper the use of our time, which results in the work of our lives.

2. Use our limited opportunities wisely (Ephesians 5:15–17).

The idea of redeeming our time (v.16) means to “buy up” our time and to use each opportunity in our lives wisely because the days in which we live are both limited and evil. A direct decision to use time wisely and righteously helps in making good choices at work, at church, or at home to help us recover our time from waste and to use it for good and proper purposes.

3. Consider time usage as a process, not an event (Genesis 4:3).

A visual timeline of some sort will help us see clearly the value of the limited time we have for doing family right. In the very first family, the Bible points out children are raised in the context of the process or passing of time. We cannot reclaim or do over opportunities lost, squandered, or misused. However, all the days ahead are still a blank page to fill in. What will be written on them, and what impact will they have on generations to come?

4. Think of time usage in terms of its being sequential and incremental.

When God’s Word commands Fathers to “bring up their children in the training and admonition of the Lord,” the idea of bringing up children has to do with the whole concept of sequentially and incrementally bringing them up (training and teaching) to their maturity in a manner pleasing to the Lord.

Sequential refers to teaching and training in a logical order, one after the other. Incremental on the other hand means taking small, measured steps, one after the other. It is like climbing a ladder one step at a time without trying to skip three rungs. Parents need to remember bringing up their children is done in the process of time.

Time is their friend if they use it to teach and train their children sequentially and incrementally. Time is their enemy if they miss opportunity after opportunity to both teach and train their children; Before they realize it, their children are teenagers, and they try to catch up all at once.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

5. Time cannot be saved, only used.

NO one has more time than others. Everyone has exactly 24 hours each day. This fact is inherent in God’s creation. Everyone in this world— north, south, east or west; all have the same 24 hours each day they live. No one has more or less hours each day.

The only day anyone will have less hours than others is the day they die before that day is done. This is a sobering reality, but also a glorious reality, for in the day that time ends for believers, eternity begins. C. T. Studd’s famous poem says, “Only one life ‘twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.”

Time can be the parents’ friend when they “bring up” their children in the training and admonition “of the Lord,” and they do so wisely and consistently. Time, on the other hand, will be their foe if they squander it and use it foolishly.

Five Truths for the Drive Home

Aaron Berry — Wed, 23 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Work is done. You’re stuck in traffic. You’re tired. With the rush hour traffic in front of you and the stress of the job behind you, it’s easy to view your drive home from work each day as wasted time–a grueling but necessary drudgery that you just need to survive. But those 20-30 minutes might be the most important minutes of the day. Whatever mindset we cultivate in the car is the mindset we bring into the house.

Are you ready and prepared to love and serve your family? What if you used your drive home to prepare your heart and mind for your time at home? Here are five truths to remind yourself of during your drive home.

Your family is not an inconvenience–they’re your mission.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” (Psalm 127:3)

If you view your job as your primary calling, your family will get the leftovers. They’ll become an inconvenience to endure rather than a blessing to enjoy. Too many men look for their fulfillment and purpose in their vocation, rather than their families. They’re driven, focused, and passionate at work, but passive, resigned, and detached at home.

As you drive home remember that you’re leaving your “second job” for your primary calling. No matter how much money you make or how essential you are to your job, nothing is more important than the family you’re driving home to.

We deceive ourselves by thinking that as long as we’re making money to provide for our family, we’re fulfilling our purpose. But our families need far more than financial provision. They need our personal involvement and relational investment. They need dads that are nurturing their children in the Lord. They need husbands who are loving their wives like Christ loved the church.

Your job isn’t your purpose, your family is.

Yes, you’re tired. So is your wife.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)

Those first few moments after coming home can easily turn into a competition about who had the tougher day. Those last few hours of the day usually look like two tired parents running at under 50% capacity. As you approach your driveway, remember that your wife is probably exhausted and eagerly looking forward to some extra help. Enter the home with an understanding, compassionate heart.

Cast your burdens on the Lord before you cast them on your family.

“Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Work is stressful. Your body may ache from physical labor, or your mind may be worn out from endless demands. Don’t bring that frustration and anger through the front door of your home. Your wife doesn’t deserve the detached withdrawal brought on by a long day at work. Your kids don’t deserve your angry reaction because you’ve had a frustrating day.

Your drive home is your opportunity to cast those burdens and cares on the Lord in prayer. Give him your frustrations and anger. Ask him for grace to leave those anxieties in the car when you walk up your driveway. Your family needs to see the peace of Christ in you, not the chaos of work.

Your kids are beginning their day with you.

Depending on when your work day ends, and how long your commute is, you have maybe 3-4 hours between your arrival at home and your kids’ bedtime. Your kids are eager for some quality time with Dad. The pressures of your work are lost on them. They don’t grasp the fact that you’re dead tired. All they know is that “Daddy is home” and it’s their first chance with you that day.

Use your drive home to prepare your mind and pray for strength to be fully present. Help them with their homework. Wrestle on the living room floor. Help with the bedtime routine. Pray with them before bed. These few hours between work and bedtime are the moments that will shape your kids’ memory of you for years to come.

Prepare to serve, not to be served.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)

Christ’s pattern for greatness is service. He loved us so much that he entered this world to serve sinners like us. Throughout his earthly ministry, he gave himself to those around him, and ultimately, gave himself on the cross as a sacrifice for our sins. If Jesus, God in flesh, was willing to serve sinners like us, we should be ready to serve our families.

Don’t enter your front door with the expectation of being served by your wife and kids. Enter with the expectation to serve. Don’t retreat to your favorite chair, camp out in the bathroom, or turn on the TV. For those few hours at the end of the day, use whatever energy you have left to selflessly serve your family. Help with the dishes. Give your wife a break from the kids. Tackle that project your wife has been asking about. Serve your family! With every act of service, you’re reflecting the heart of your Savior.

As you drive home from work, remind yourself of these truths. Pray as you drive (with your eyes open, of course!) and ask God for the grace to love and serve your family like Jesus.

Book Review: Reset

Andrew Lee — Tue, 15 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

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How many times have you had a problem with an electronic device that was fixed by simply turning it off and back on? In my home office setup, I regularly connect my iPad to an external monitor. The other day I tried to play some music while I worked, but the play button did nothing. After digging through settings and staring in frustration at the sound output being greyed out, I finally decided to try restarting it. It worked perfectly as soon as it restarted! In Reset, David Murray calls men to do that with their lives. It is healthy for us to take a step back from our busyness and make sure that how we use our time is aligned with biblical priorities.

It’s so easy to keep adding more and more things to our schedules. Perhaps they are even good things. We can get so busy with work or ministry that we neglect the privileges and responsibilities of walking with God personally and caring for our families well. Overcommitting leads to cutting corners on sleep, healthy eating, exercise habits, and time with God. Burnout then leads to health problems, spiritual problems, and broken relationships. God calls us to something better. David Murray shares how he experienced these issues and how God used the truths of Scripture to change his thinking and pattern of life to one that is sustainable.

I’m going to share a couple of areas that helped me as I read through this book recently. I hope you’ll pick it up and consider areas that you might need to change as well.

1. I need a healthy theology of sleep.

(from Chapter 3: Rest)

When you don’t sleep as much as you should, what are you saying about God? David Murray says you are saying “I don’t trust God with my work, my church, or my family.” [page 50] Ouch. Think about it. Genesis is clear that God established day and night. The clear pattern is that every 24 hours, we need a certain amount of rest. If we are habitually refusing to accept that and staying up late just to get one more thing done, then we’re saying that God didn’t give us enough time. Listen to Psalm 127:2:

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Wait, we shouldn’t rise up early? Actually, we know that Jesus did this to fellowship with God the Father. The issue being addressed here is our motivation. Do you rise up early and go late to rest because you are depending on yourself? You can’t burn the candle from both ends and expect everything to be just fine.

Murray calls you to think about how your sleep impacts you and those around you. When you don’t get enough, you’re irritable. Worse yet, Murray shares scary statistics about how we endanger others as we drive without enough rest. At least 100,000 crashes and 1,550 deaths can be linked to falling asleep while driving every year in the United States! [page 53]

So how much sleep do you need? There are a lot of factors. Eight hours or so is a good starting point, but it really comes down to what allows you to feel rested. I know if I get 6 hours or less consistently I start to feel pretty miserable after a few days. For me, 7.5 hours seems to be a sweet spot for being alert and able to work through tasks well during the day. Of course, there are seasons in our lives when a newborn or a sick child or a ministry need might interrupt good sleep. Good patterns of sleep can help support those occasions and we trust God for grace to help us through the consequences of less sleep.

Do you have trouble going to sleep or staying asleep? Murray gives some suggestions for how to address these struggles along with advice on making healthy sleep patterns a habit.

2. I need enough structure to get things done and enough freedom to meet needs as they come up.

(from Chapter 7: Reduce)

Our culture certainly leans toward honoring the person who is always responsive to any requests he receives. Awards and promotions are given to those who achieve the most tasks and respond to the most emails. If we are to live with purpose as Christians, though, we must choose to say no to some things. Probably many things.

Murray advises a balance in your plans. Create a plan for routines based on your work, family, and ministry responsibilities. Leave enough room for caring for needs that may come up unexpectedly that you can meet well based on your proximity and resources.

One of the practical recommendations that stood out to me was for planning your calendar. When asked to do something, don’t just plan for the time of the actual event. For example, if someone asks you to teach a class in your church, don’t just plan for the hour or so you may be teaching. Add on your calendar when you will prepare in the weeks ahead. If there’s not room for both the actual opportunity and all the preparation needed, then you need to say no to that or to something else already on your calendar.

Conclusion

As you seek to honor God in the way that you care for your family, taking time to pause and evaluate how you are using the life God has given you is important. Reset is a diagnostic tool to help you take a deep look at your life to see if you are trying to do too much while missing what you were made for.

How to Make Hard Decisions as a Dad

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 08 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Recently, my wife and I were faced with a difficult decision. The pressure was heavy. The implications were large. There were lots of complicated factors to consider. We had a deadline. And perhaps most challenging of all, we were not always on the same page about the decision.

Men, have you faced a situation like this in your marriage? If not, it’s probably coming. Since last week, I have spoken with three other Christian men who were facing decisions. The fact is that all of us will face difficult leadership decisions as the heads of our households. The real question is, “How will we respond in those situations?” Here are some basic principles I seek to apply when making decisions for my family.

1. Cleanse your heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Sin in your life will separate you from God’s wisdom (Ps 66:18; Jas 1:5-8). This is why it is vital to walk with Jesus at all times but especially when contemplating major life changes. If there is big sin in your life right now, and you’re making a big decision, stop! Deal with your sin first. There will be time to make the decision later.

Even if there is no major sin in your life, ask God to reveal the heart sins that you may not be aware of (Ps 139:23–24). Ask honestly whether you are struggling with pride, selfishness, discontentment, greed, or fear. I am so thankful for how God uses difficult decisions to expose my unbiblical thinking and sinful motivations and to draw me closer to Him.

2. Apply the Scriptures.

You must decide to let God’s word guide your choices (Ps 119:105; Prov 3:5-6). Your personal desires will naturally make certain alternatives more appealing to you than others. However, you must be careful that your sinful desires/idols are not leading you astray (Jas 1:14-15; 4:1–4). Family members and friends will want to speak into your decision. However, even before you hear advice, settle in your heart that you will obey God first (Ac 4:19; 5:29).

Hopefully, you have prepared for this day by reading and studying your Bible (Ps 119:11; 2 Tim 2:15). You will need to access that stored knowledge now to make a godly decision.

Are there biblical commands or principles that rule out any of your options?[^1]
Which biblical values should weigh heaviest in your thinking?
How should the “golden rule” inform your reasoning (Mat 7:12)?
Given your particular gifts, abilities, and circumstances, which option would best enable you and your family to advance the Great Commission (Mat 28:18-20)?
Which choice do you think would best honor God (1 Cor 10:31)?

If your Bible knowledge is lacking, ask your pastor or a godly friend for help thinking through biblical principles. (See #4 below.) He may be able to point you to a good pamphlet, blog article, podcast, or book on the topic.[^2]

3. Ask God for wisdom.

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Take time for prayer. You wouldn’t think twice about spending an hour talking to a friend about your decision.

Why not devote an hour to prayer about it? Better yet, carve out half a day. Go to a nearby park or other quiet place. Take a Bible, a notebook, and a pen. Turn your phone on “do not disturb” and pray!

4. Write.

This is a very practical suggestion. Getting your thoughts “out of your head” and onto paper (or an electronic document or note) can help you to organize them. Once your thoughts are more organized, they will be easier for you and others to evaluate biblically.

If you are anything like me, you will probably find that as you write, difficult questions begin answering themselves.

5. Seek godly counsel.

Proverbs 11:14 says, “In the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Husbands, this means first and foremost consulting your wife. Asking what she thinks (and listening well!) will help you understand her better so that you can make good decisions with her best interests in mind (Philip 2:4; Pet 3:7).

Ideally, you should make the decisions together! In rare cases, being the head of your household may require you to make the “executive decision.” However, even in these cases, make sure to prioritize what’s best for your wife and your children over your own personal preferences. Doing so is an important way to love them and imitate Jesus (Eph 5:25-32).

Here are some traits to look for in other counselors you might consult.

Look for a friend who knows God’s Word, knows you, and knows your situation.[^3]
Look for a mature believer who has faced a similar dilemma and is willing to share what happened. Older believers who are willing to give you their time are a goldmine of wisdom (1 Cor 11:1; 2 Tim 3:10-11).[^4]
Look for good listeners. You don’t want someone who answers a matter before he hears it (Prov 18:13).
Look for someone you trust to be brutally honest (Prov 27:6).[^5]

6. Decide by faith.

Wouldn’t we all love to know before making a decision what the results of that decision would be? Granted, we ought to look ahead and anticipate possible outcomes (Prov 21:5; 22:3). But we can never know what the future will hold (Jas 4:13-16). Because of this, every major decision is a step of faith. We search the Scriptures, pray, seek godly counsel, and then make the best decision we can and trust God with the results. Here is a promise that should encourage us along these lines.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”* (Romans 8:28)

God’s highest priority for you is that you become more like Jesus. And He is going to use every circumstance in your life including this decision (even if you make the “wrong” one!) to accomplish that purpose. You can rest in that promise.

There is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, Christian Dad. But God will give you everything that you need to fulfill the role that He gave you—and that includes the wisdom you need to make good decisions (2 Cor 9:8). Will you trust in Him?

[^1]: For instance, a couple experiencing financial hardship may decide based on Psalm 37:21 that bankruptcy is not an option. [^2]: You can also Google “what does the Bible say about X?” to find verses that apply. Just be careful! Many online articles misinterpret verses by taking them out of context. If you have questions about whether or not to trust a resource, you can always ask your pastor. [^3]: If you need to bring a friend up to speed on your life situation, try to describe the details as objectively as possible to avoid influencing his opinion. [^4]: Also, do not neglect the wisdom to be found in books where godly men and women (some now dead) have recorded life lessons. [^5]: Be aware that if a person is too close to the situation, it may be difficult for him to give unbiased counsel.

How to Respond When Home Gets Chaotic

Kyle Grant — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever been hit with a volley of voices and volume?

If you’ve not recently watched The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, let me set a scene for you. In the scene building to the main battle, before the Orcs (the bad guys) are in view, the Rohirrim (the army of the good guys) are standing ready on the wall. There is a ringing silence and stillness as they wait for their enemy, and then it begins to thunderstorm. It’s quite literally, the “calm before the storm.”

When the battle first begins, the Rohirrim fires a “volley.” All the archers shoot together on command. If you do minimal research on a volley, the effectiveness went beyond the sheer volume of arrows fired. It was a psychological tactic. It was intended to overwhelm and disorient.

When was the last time you got home from work or were bringing your mind out of some anxieties or stresses and you got hit with a verbal volley that you weren’t ready for? In that moment it is really tempting to want the calm, not the storm!

You were disoriented, and perhaps either stunned into silence or overwhelmed into an outburst. How do we manage the constancy of noise and volume of words that naturally come with kids? Our children aren’t the enemy. No one’s calling anyone’s kids orcs here! Our impatience is the enemy. I hope to share with you not what I’ve learned, but what I’m learning, about how to engage with the constancy of voices and volume with three strategies.

Attentively: Readying to Respond

How do we receive the volley of volume with readiness? We prepare our spirit and our ears.

In order to prepare our spirit, we must draw from God’s means of gospel-preparation. They are sufficient for the greatest of trials or the most minimal of parental temptations. Take up the armor of God in Ephesians 6.

I can’t explain here how every piece of the armor provides unique preparation (you should study that yourself), but the undergirding principle of the text is more than sufficient for this struggle. That principle is in verse 10, Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. You and I will not be ready for any battle if we’ve prepared in our own strength .

We will be prepared to face the volley of volume and voices only if we’ve readied ourselves in the Lord’s grace and strength. How do we do this?

Ready yourself in the Word by reading and reflection.
Ready yourself in prayer, either proactively or reactively.
Ready yourself through faithfulness and accountability to the church.

Ready your ears, or, listen! Sometimes the initial shock and confusion of noise causes an immediate shut-down of patience, and subsequently, the ears. Listen to your children carefully. Decipher the words and determine the needs.

We mustn’t accidentally shut our ears to actual needs simply because we didn’t have the patience to hear it out. Proverbs 18:13 says If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. I wonder how often what we believe is folly in other’s words really just reveals the folly in us. As much as our kids need our hands for hugs and our eyes for protection, they need our ears for interest and affirmation.

Compassionately: Absorbing the Barrage

It is not enough to hear the words. We should hear them attentively and absorb them compassionately. We should be affected by them.

God’s Spirit convicted me profoundly recently. I was reading through Daniel in my Bible reading and observed a remarkable truth. You probably know that Daniel’s prayer life is a pretty big deal in the book. I was struck, though, by God’s responses to Daniel’s prayers. Three times (9:11; 10:11; 10:19) Daniel receives an answer from God, delivered by an angel. God says the same thing to Daniel in each of these three responses, “Daniel, you are greatly loved.” As Daniel pours out his aged, exiled, and pained heart, God assures him first, that he is greatly loved.

Now consider this. God absorbs the voices of his children, all over the planet, in all time zones, every time they pray. He doesn’t hear them as a mass, an uproarious crowd. He hears them as individuals, with unique needs, one-of-a-kind pains, and specific struggles. Yet, to all of his own, he assures us that we are greatly loved.

Compassion is naturally a condescending love. Your children have little trials, but they are their trials. They have little knowledge of our burdens but we should have great compassion for theirs. Assure them of your great love even as they bring the most minimal of needs.

Instructively: Analyzing the Counterattack

While we should allow kids to be kids and care about what they say, the reality is sometimes childishness becomes foolishness and we need to help safeguard them from this. I’m going to suggest three loving counterattacks that may be necessary.

1. Evaluate the quantity

Remind them that you know they have a lot to say, but they should practice thinking before speaking. Try to help them minimize wasted words. Teach them Solomon’s math for the mouth. More words = more sin (Prov. 10:19).

2. Reminders of respectfulness

If you have rules to control chaos (not drain fun!) then you should be carefully enforcing them. The more uncontrolled speech becomes, the more disrespect will follow. Regularly bring them back to obedience and honor (Exo. 20:12; Eph. 6:1-2) and remind them that their words are vital for this.

3. Identify teaching times

We should discern between childishness that can be understood (that’s part of compassion) and foolishness that shouldn’t be tolerated. If they say something or ask something that instigates a teaching moment, take it! If they sin with their words, connect their words to their hearts (Luke 6:45) and warn them of the seriousness of their words (James 3:2-8). Be patient though, and don’t sin with your words attempting to correct the sin of their words.

Conclusion

This is a daily battle that requires daily readiness. We should pray that God our Father gives us ears like his, motivated by a heart like his, to answer the needs and address the words of our children as He does.

Who's In Charge of Your Home?

Aaron Berry — Tue, 25 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

You’ve seen the stereotypical depictions from 1950s sitcoms: The traditional “man of the house” sitting back and reading a newspaper while his wife works away in the kitchen and his children fetch his slippers.

Culture has long since departed from this picture of the family, reacting against what is considered to be nothing more than misogyny and patriarchy. In fact, our culture has swung so far in the other direction that there is no prescribed structure for the family at all. I remember reading an article in the New York Times recently entitled “Lessons from a 20-person Polycule”

The article defines a “polycule” as “a synthesis of polyamory — engaging in multiple romantic relationships — and molecule,” and tries its best to describe the interconnections: “Katie is dating Alex. Alex is legally married to Ashley. Chris is legally married to Bine, and Chris and Bine date Alex and Ashley as couples, while Bine has also dated Ashley individually.”

They quote one individual in the polycule as saying, “I hope this is a social movement…The structure of the nuclear family, the nuclear marriage, needs to shift.”

Culture is reacting against the traditional nuclear family, considering it to be outdated at best and abusive at worst.

As we look at the Bible’s description of the family, we see a model that the world would consider outdated:

“18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:18-21

I imagine that if you set forward this passage to any member of that 20-person polycule, they would laugh in your face, writing off this description as archaic and narrow-minded. How are we as Christian husbands and fathers to understand the Bible’s depictions of the family? Does male headship promote abuse? Does the Bible present the man as the “King of His Castle”?

A Counter-Cultural Household Code

Instructions like we find in Colossians 3:18-21 were very common in the ancient world. They are what historians refer to as “household codes.” You can discover household expectations written by Aristotle and other philosophers and thinkers. Like Paul’s instructions in Colossians, household codes included husbands, wives, children, and servants.

But Paul’s code wasn’t traditional.

In traditional household codes, the man was the sovereign ruler, the king of the house. But in Paul’s instructions, the man is not the master – Christ is.

In fact, the book of Colossians sets forth the lordship of Christ over every corner of our lives, including our homes. When Jesus enters the home, he does not overturn the structure of the family. Instead, he transforms the Home. He enters in and declares himself “Lord.” He’s in charge!

There are two ways that Colossians 3:18-21 sets forth Christ’s lordship over the family:

Christ holds the man accountable for his leadership

In traditional household codes of the day, duties for the man were often missing. They would usually focus on the obedience of the subordinates.

Douglas Moo comments on Colossians 3:18-21, “no other code we have discovered from the ancient world requires husbands to love their wives.”[^1] But not only does Christ place a responsibility on the man to love his wife, but he also sets limits to his authority:

“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

As husbands, we have no right to control, manage, or subjugate our wives; we are commanded to love them! Most household codes focused on the rights of the husband as head of the home. But since Christ is Lord over the home, he issues expectations and responsibilities to the husband.

Paul follows the command with a warning: the husband is not to be “harsh” toward his wife. You would think that this command is already implied in the command to love your wife, so why does Paul include it?

Because whenever anyone is given authority, their sinful nature will tend to abuse that authority - to use it for their own selfish reasons rather than for the good of others. If you are harsh, angry, insensitive, impatient toward your wife, you are not submitting to the Lordship of Christ! Since Christ is Lord of the home, he sets the terms for the husband’s leadership.

We see the exact same pattern given to fathers:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

In the ancient world, one would expect to hear the command, “children do not provoke your fathers.” But Christ puts the responsibility on the man of the house: “Don’t provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”[^2] Since he has been given authority by Christ, the Lord of the Home, a dad must be careful to wield that authority with kindness.

If you’re a dad, Christ has given you authority–Make sure you use it the way he wants you to.

We must be careful not to provoke or embitter our children by the way we lead the home. Jesus has not given us the right to lead with anger, causing our kids to tip-toe around us and keep us calm. Jesus has not given us the right to cause frustration and bitterness in our kids by our inconsistency and lack of clarity. We aren’t ultimately in charge—Jesus is!

The Bible’s structure for the family isn’t abusive or misogynistic. Instead, it points to the transformative power of Christ’s presence in the home. The man is called to lead, but he must do so according to the terms Christ has set and the limits Christ has established.

Christ is the ultimate motivation for submission

There’s one more way we see Christ’s lordship in the home impact the family roles. When Paul instructs wives and children, he presents Jesus as their ultimate motivation, not the man.

The wife submits to her husband “as is fitting in the Lord” (v. 18). When the wife needs motivation toward submission, she looks past her imperfect husband and toward her perfect savior, the true Lord of the Home.

Children are to obey their parents in everything, “for this pleases the Lord” (v. 20). Children obey, not ultimately to make their parents happy, but to please their savior, Jesus Christ.

While the man is called to lead his family, he has no right to present himself as the ultimate motivation and reason for submission and obedience. Only Jesus can serve that purpose.

God has a beautiful structure for the family. That good structure is abused when men, rather than point to Jesus as the Lord of the home, place that crown on their own head and set themselves up as the sovereign ruler. But abuse of that structure should not mean the structure itself is defective.

Rather than allow culture to topple the structure of the family, we should allow Jesus to rule as Lord over the family.

[^1]: Douglas J. Moo, The Letters to the Colossians and to Philemon, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Pub. Co., 2008), 302. [^2]: Zach Sparkman wrote on fathers not provoking their children

Five Biblical Helps for Exhausted Dads

Bodie Brock — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Have you noticed that parenting is hard?

There are late nights and early mornings. There are disagreements between you and your spouse about how to do this whole parenting thing. There are sick kids and unexpected bills to pay. There are friends who wish you could hang out more. There are church responsibilities and work responsibilities and that broken drawer that you really should have fixed last week.

If you are anything like me there have been days, you were tempted to quit. You have held a newborn late at night wondering if you can handle one more night without sleep. You have looked at your wife and seen the same worn out look mirrored in her own eyes. If you are like me, you have gotten shamefully close to quitting so you pulled out your Bible to read what God had to say and found these verses:

“Let us not lose heart in doing good…” (Galatians 6:9)

“…be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord…” (1 Corinthians 15:58)

“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.” (Proverbs 24:10)

Maybe, like me, these verses did not give you much hope. Maybe it felt like all you found was callous indifference and a sprinkling of guilt to go with it. Reading verses like these can cause frustration rather than hope. How are you supposed to endure when you are overwhelmed? How are you supposed to do what God says when doing what God says seems impossible?

Those three verses make it clear that God puts a premium on endurance, but without the rest of Scripture we are left with the insurmountable task of enduring the problems and pains of life without help or hope. There is, however, help. There is hope.

Here are five helps from Scripture that give you the strength to endure and hope in your hardships.

1. Recognize the benefits of hardship.

One of God’s mechanisms for growing you is hardship. In James 1:2-4, we are told to, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Trials have real spiritual benefits. Don’t run from them; have the right perspective of them.

2. Share your burdens and bear each other’s burdens.

God did not design you to handle life’s hardships on your own. In Galatians 6:2, we are told to “Bear one another’s burdens.” This implies that we, also, need to share our burdens. Sometimes as dads, we become chronic burden bearers who refuse (or forget) to share our burdens with others. Just remember that ‘bearing without sharing’ burns you out and ‘sharing without bearing’ burns others out. We have to do both!

Quit trying to handle life on your own and you might find yourself farther from quitting.

3. Identify and remove sin from your life.

Not all emotional distress is caused by sin, but all sin causes emotional distress. Lamentations 1:20 says, “I am in distress; My spirit is greatly troubled; My heart is overturned within me, for I have been very rebellious.” Your sin will cause you emotional distress. What does God say is the solution in Hebrews 12:1?

“Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”

Quit running the race of life with barbells of sin in your hands. It will distress and demotivate you. Stop for a moment and evaluate your choices over the past week. What do you need to lay aside?

4. Ask for strength from the source of strength.

Doing life without depending on God is a recipe for disaster. Hebrews 4:16 says “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Prayer for God’s help should be a regular part of your parenting. You do not need to pray long prayers or perfectly phrased prayers. You can pray short prayers, messy prayers, long prayers, even confused prayers. God just wants you to express your dependence on Him!

Not convinced? Check out 1 Chronicles 16:11, Psalm 50:12, Isaiah 40:28-29, and 2 Corinthians 12:9.

5. Focus on eternity.

There is more to life than just today. We are encouraged in Galatians 6:9 to “not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” In 2 Corinthians 4:16-17, Paul tells us to, “not lose heart…For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.”

Look past the hardships of today. Look towards your own eternal destination. Look towards your child’s eternal destination and remind yourself that parenting God’s way is worth it.

Your feelings might say something different, but let your faith instruct your feelings and trust that “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18).

It is this eternal perspective that reminds you while holding a crying baby that you are holding, with God’s help, the hope of the next generation in your hands.

Conclusion

Parenting is hard. Newborns cry. Toddlers disobey. Messes happen. Spouses disagree. Sickness derails. Teenagers argue. Calendars fill. People judge. Emotions spiral. Toilets overflow. Diapers blow out. Laundry piles. Drawers break.

But…

…there is hope. Your endurance is not proportionate to your physical strength or mental toughness. Endurance springs from trusting God’s perfect plan and using the resources He has given you to thrive in the midst of hard. Share your hard with God and others, lay aside sin, be eternally minded, and you will find hope in hardship.

How to Honor God in Youth Sports

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 11 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Do your kids play sports? In 2023, 70 million children participated in some form of team sports.^1 I loved playing sports as a kid, and our older two boys have thoroughly enjoyed playing soccer, basketball and baseball.

Since our family enjoys sports, I would consider myself to be a sports dad. As we’ve participated in sports the last few years, I’ve come across several types of sports dads:

Vicarious Dad: He lives out his athletic dreams through his child, which usually translates into high intensity, low patience, and over-competitiveness.
Sideline Coach Dad: The backseat driver of youth sports, he believes he is the best coach for his child, even if he’s not the coach. Often his “coaching” intimidates his child and contradicts the actual coach’s gameplan.
Critical Dad: Nothing makes this dad happy, so he berates referees, challenges the coaching decisions, and criticizes the players, especially his own kid. His child’s performance is never good enough.
Golden Boy Dad: He complains about everyone and everything except his child. His child can do no wrong, and he can’t understand why everyone else doesn’t see that.

These are just a few of the stereotypes that exist in a Little League near you! But is this how a Christian sports dad ought to behave?

Absolutely not!

The root issue with all these sports dads is selfishness. They all use their child’s athletic opportunities to satisfy themselves and draw attention away from the kids to self.

God calls Christian dads to be different. Our identity is not found in our child’s sports—our identity comes through our relationship with Jesus. Christian sports dads must keep the big discipleship picture in mind and remember that kids sports fits into their overall goal of raising their children to love and follow Jesus.

Christian sports dads should view their children’s sports as another opportunity to accomplish their mission of making disciples, both within their own home and among the people around them.

That’s the perspective of a God-honoring sports dad. To help yourself honor the Lord as you cheer on your athlete, remember these three questions.

#1 Will my behavior (actions, attitude, words) help or hurt my testimony?

If glorifying God is your aim, then even the way we cheer matters. How easy it is to get caught up in the excitement and action of the sports game, only to say something that hurts your testimony!

Kids sports can be a great tool to connect with unsaved families. We should build relationships with unsaved people to befriend them and seek to share Christ with them. But we can act in such a way as spectators to turn people away from the gospel. Will the people around you be more or less likely to accept an invitation to church based on your behavior?

This principle also applies to your own family. Will your child playing be embarrassed by your behavior? Will your wife sitting next to you look for an excuse to get away from you? Your testimony is too valuable to throw away at a missed call.

#2 Will my behavior (actions, attitude, words) build or weaken my relationship with my child?

You can tell a lot about a parent’s relationship with their child by the way they cheer them on from the sideline. It is not worth weakening your relationship with your child because they didn’t play up to your standard. I’ve had to bite my tongue several times and remind myself that my relationship with my son is far more valuable than yelling some advice from the sideline!

Don’t burn bridges with your child; you shouldn’t have to apologize to them after the game because of your behavior. They don’t need to perform well for you to love them or praise them. After all, God doesn’t base His love for us on our performance!

A little perspective here might be helpful. Even if your child is the star athlete, scholarships aren’t on the line in Upwards Sports or 6–7-year-old Little League. Only about 2-3% of high school athletes receive a scholarship, and about 2% of those athletes turn pro.

That means, out of 2,500 high school athletes, only 50 will receive a Division I or II scholarship, and only one of those DI or DII athletes will go pro. Those are low odds, so accept your child for who they are. It’s good to lovingly push them to improve, but if you don’t work with them in between games, no amount of yelling at them in the game will miraculously enable them to play better. They don’t know what they don’t know.

#3 Will my behavior (actions, attitude, words) model grace or the flesh?

We model grace by actively displaying the fruit of the Spirit and treating others the way Christ treats us. Encouragement, not criticism; patience, not frustration; thankful, not complaining. You may need others to help you evaluate yourself because it can be hard to be realistic with yourself or even view yourself accurately (hint: your wife will probably tell you what you need to hear!)

We should model grace in winning and in losing, even if others around you are losing their minds!

Last baseball season, my son’s teammate hit a long ball into the outfield. He rounded third as the relay throw came toward home. It was a bang-bang play, but since I was sitting down the first baseline with some other parents, we clearly saw that he was safe. But the umpire saw it differently—he called, ‘Out!’

Needless to say, many people on our part of the field did not react well. The head coach blew up, yelled at the umpire (who couldn’t have been older than 15), stomped around, and lost his cool. Several parents screamed at the umpire and told them to make the right call. You can probably picture how all this went down.

How would you have reacted? By God’s grace I didn’t snap at the umpire (though I wanted to). But that little incident reminded me of how important it is to model grace and not allow the flesh to rule my response. A whole season’s worth of relationships could have been destroyed in just a few seconds.

As we attend our children’s sporting events, we can honor God with our words, actions and attitudes and be God-honoring sports dads.

Sharing Your Faith with Your Grandchildren

Paul Whitt — Tue, 04 Mar 2025 13:57:29 GMT

I’ve had a lot of endearing titles in my nearly 60 years of life. From dad, to coach, to pastor, and my all-time favorite from my bride of nearly 35 years, “hon.”

But five years ago I added a title to my resume that I have cherished and embraced with full force – “PaPa.”

Our oldest son and his wife made us grandparents for the first time in 2020, and it’s all that we had been promised and more! From hearing Walker call me PaPa with bright eyes of affection, stumbling into my arms for a seat on my lap, and helping me make scrambled eggs together at family gatherings, it has exceeded my expectations. We now have two grandchildren with a third on the way in a few months!

But as with most things in life, with this privilege comes great responsibility. From the beginning of this new season my wife and I have constantly tried to clarify our roles as PaPa and MiMi.

While we desire to be grandparents who provide extras and make special memories, more than anything we want to help their parents make disciples of Jesus Christ. So it’s important for us to establish and remember some ways for this to happen as we have opportunity, all while honoring our son and daughter-in-law’s primary responsibility to lead their own family. Here are a few goals we seek by God’s grace to accomplish when we’re together.

Be a Faithful Role Model

The stereotypical grandparent is characterized as the ones who show up, break all the family rules, spoil the children, and hit the road, leaving the parents to pick up the pieces. While there are humorous aspects to this idea, most new and young parents don’t need more obstacles, especially coming from within the house!

Practically, we gain the permission from the parents before providing a gift or special treat, to make sure it’s not un-doing an initiative they are working through in discipling the child. After all, my greatest legacy is not what I leave for my grandchildren – but what I leave in them. Therefore the greatest gifts we can give are examples of living out our faith daily through prayer, kindness, and integrity.

It's important for us to let our grandchildren see us reading our Bibles, attending worship together, and expressing a trust in God for all circumstances. I was diagnosed with cancer when Walker was one year old, so I cherished every moment I had to hold him and spend time with him. And while he had no way of understanding the weight of uncertainty in my mind during that part of my journey, I often expressed to him my love for God and trust in His care of me.

Pray For and With Your Grandchildren

Secondly, the greatest way I can serve our children in raising our grandchildren is to pray for them. This is not necessarily what comes to mind when I think of the most significant contribution in their lives, but living 600 miles away this has become the most practical and daily opportunity to serve them.

I pray daily for them, asking for God’s guidance and protection over their lives, and that their minds and hearts would be open to the Gospel at precisely the right time. I also try to let them know periodically through a brief video or when we facetime that I prayed for them and thinking about them.

But on those special occasions 2 or 3 times a year when we are together, I take advantage of times to pray with them when possible. Before a special grandparent outing to Chick fil-a, or an adventure to the toy store, or even a fun snack that we are going to share together, it’s important to express gratitude and dependence to our Creator and Sustainer through prayer. Among other things, it also encourages them to bring their worries and joys to God.

Help Them Understand Faith Through Stories and Resources

Grandparents have been known to tell stories about “the good ‘ol days” from time to time, and that’s important. In reality, though, this is more beneficial and therapeutic for the grandparent than the grandchild.

However, telling them about how God has worked in your life is instructive and beneficial for both. My role as a grandparent isn’t just to tell stories of my past, but to share the greatest story ever told—God’s love and redemption.

Use story time together to share testimonies of answered prayers, struggles you’ve overcome, and the importance of trusting God. Make Bible stories come alive by relating them to real-life experiences with proper application.

This past Christmas I was able to give Walker a couple of stones I picked up from the Elah Valley in Israel. As I relayed the abbreviated story of David’s defeat of Goliath from the Old Testament, I was able to encourage him to let these stones remind him to trust in the promises of God.

I admit it’s fun to be the provider of fun gifts at special occasions like Christmas and birthdays, but the most important thing we can do is provide them with Christian books, devotionals, and resources suited for their age along the way.

There’s so much more than just being the fun, spoiling, rule-breaking, old adults in the room when it comes to being Christian grandparents. It’s a great responsibility with lasting impact as we serve and share in this journey with their parents.

The best use of our time with them may be more than just making memories for our own benefit, but in planting seeds of faith in their hearts, while trusting God to make them flourish. Being a Christian grandparent means guiding with wisdom, loving with grace, and pointing every step toward Jesus.

“We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” (Psalm 78:4)

The Backbone of Christian Dads

Tommy Jeffcott — Wed, 26 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

One could hardly imagine a more contrasting scene. The beautiful blues and greens of the Hawaiian islands. The calming sounds of the waves and the smell of the ocean breeze. Suddenly, the jarring sound of explosions could be heard. The sight and smell of black smoke overtook the air.

Something unexpected was happening and this event would change not only the lives of those who were there that day; it would also change the course of human history. The Japanese had attacked Pearl Harbor.

This day, “a date which will live in infamy,” is still widely remembered even though many of those who were adults at the time are no longer alive. It was the catalyst that moved the United States to enter the war.

What’s more, it spurred the American Industrial Complex into action, and over the course of the next few years, many new Naval vessels would be added to the American Fleet. One article on the United States Naval Institute website notes, “The ‘Final Official Report of the Commander-in-Chief United States Fleet and Chief of Naval Operations’ (Appendix B) lists 1323 modern ‘major combatant’ ships added to the United States Fleet from December 7, 1941, to October 1, 1945….”[^1] It was the understanding of what had happened and what was coming in the days ahead that motivated these many thousands of people to accomplish such an amazing task.

If we were honest, we would have to admit that there are times when we lose sight of our motivation. My children are very good at making me aware of this.

Some days, I am slow to get out of bed and the day begins at a snail’s pace. In fact, just the other day, as I was shuffling toward the coffee maker, my son said to me, “Dad, we’re not going to be able to go for a hike today are we?” You see, I had told my children the evening before, that since tomorrow was supposed to be a beautiful day, we would head to the mountains and enjoy God’s creation.

After seeing my groggy state, my son wasn’t so sure this was going to happen. I have encountered a number of men recently who, in moments of transparency, have told me that they are struggling to find the motivation to move through their day. This struggle is not new and the Word of God addresses this in 1 Corinthians 15:58.

You may know this chapter of 1 Corinthians as, “The Resurrection Chapter.” It is here that we learn more about the doctrine of the resurrection than in any other single chapter of the Bible. Paul speaks of the particulars of the resurrection of Christ and the promise of the resurrection of those who are in Christ. Don’t think for a moment that this chapter is intended only to increase your ability to pass a doctrinal test.

Yes, 1 Corinthians 15 is essential to orthodox Christianity as it clearly outlines the essential belief in Christ’s resurrection. However, these words must go beyond just understanding. The Apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, means to move the Christ follower to action.

Listen to the last verse of this chapter, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” It all comes to this.

The “therefore” at the beginning of this verse is like a lasso that captures all of the truth in the preceding section. Paul tells the reader, “Because of this, you must do this!” Put another way, if Jesus did not rise from the dead, then nothing in life really matters. But if He did rise from the dead, then nothing else in life really matters!

Paul calls us to action with these specific descriptors. We are to be:

Steadfast: The term Paul employs here speaks of someone who is so settled in their convictions that they are not able to be deterred.
Immovable: This term is similar to the one that comes before it but here we might add the idea of faithfulness. Not just staying put without compromise, but remaining faithful to eternal truth.
Always abounding: The first of these two terms is an all-encompassing word. At all times, in all places we are called, as followers of Christ, to be steadfast, immovable, and abounding in the Lord’s work. Here “abounding” means - to flow over the edges all around, to cause to exceed a fixed amount, to exceed the requirements, to superabound, to overflow, to be in affluence, to excel, or to be in abundance. The implication conveyed by this word is that of being considerably more than what would be expected.[^2]

Theologian Charles Hodge notes,

“Such being the truth and importance of the doctrine of the resurrection, Christians should be firm in sticking to it, not letting themselves be moved by the specious objections of philosophy falsely so called. They should remember that if the dead do not rise, then Christ did not rise; and if Christ did not rise, their faith is in vain, and they are still in the power of sin. But as Christ has risen, and as his resurrection illustrates that of his people and makes it certain, what is more natural and proper than that they should give themselves fully to the work of the Lord?”[^3]

This is possible because we know that our work is “not in vain.” The resurrection of Christ is the guarantee that all of Christ’s claims and promises are true. We can and we must show our families that we believe in a risen Savior in the way that we live for Him each day.

[^1]: Source: usni.org [^2]: Source: studylight.org [^3]: Source: studylight.org

The Church’s Response to Fatherless Families

Brett Stowe — Tue, 18 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

In one of my previous posts, I wrote that the biblical role of fatherhood is one of the best tools that we have to evangelize and disciple our children. I referred to it as a “Gospel strategy.”

God’s desire for fathers is to teach and train their children in the Scriptures, so that their children will respond to Biblical truth and place their faith in Christ and follow Him. This is all good.

And yet, there is a problem with this strategy in our world today. The problem is that there is a lack of fathers in the home. In the US, around 33% of children live absent from their biological father with some ethnic minorities having much higher percentages.[^1]

Where I currently minister in South Africa, the percentage is much higher. It is said that, “…over 60% of children in SA don’t live with their biological fathers, and 20% only have contact with their biological father twice a week.”[^2] This is a massive problem in our sin-cursed world. But this leads us to ask, “What is the answer?” How are we to deal with this issue? What response should the church have to this problem?

Proclaim the Gospel

The Bible is not a moralistic self-help guide (although it is full of moral teaching). The Bible is the divine record of God’s redemptive plan to rescue man and glorify Himself for all eternity. In the Scriptures, we read of this plan: Christ, the Messiah, came to earth, lived a sinless life, died on the cross for the sins of man, rose again defeating death and sin, and now He lives to be the Lord and Savior of all who call on Him (Rom. 10:13).

This story is a message that gives life. By the proclamation of this message, sinners are converted and brought from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of the Son. This is the message that the Church proclaims.

You may ask, “How does this basic Christian truth lead to fathers in the home?” Because it is only as God, by His Spirit, gives believers new hearts that they are able to live right and pure lives. It is only when one receives the Spirit of God that they are able to take responsibility as a godly father and lead one in the path of righteousness.

Moralistic teaching will produce moralistic living…for a time. But only Gospel proclamation will bring about lasting morals that flow out of a heart that has been changed by the power of God. So, if the church is to see godly fathers raised up that take their responsibility as fathers seriously, then we must proclaim the Gospel!

Provide Support

In addition to proclaiming the Gospel, the church must provide support for those in their congregation that lack the example and support of a father. In Deuteronomy 6:4-9, Moses gives instruction to Israel to,

“…teach them (the commands) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise (ESV).”

In summary, Israel was meant to continually be teaching and discipling their children in the commands of the Lord. While we do not live in the old covenant community of Israel, fathers today do serve in the new covenant ministry of the church.

In the church, we do not draw the lines based on ethnic identity but on our identity in Christ. The church is made up of those from every nation, tribe, and tongue; and, it is also made up of those without fathers to guide and direct them? So, how can the church practically provide support for children and spouses in the church body that do not have the support of a father in their lives? How can the church today help teach children diligently the commands of the Lord when the family structure is broken?

Practical Suggestions

Pray and ask the Lord to give you a burden for the fatherless in your church family.
Connect with ministries (i.e. youth ministry, bus ministry, after school care, etc.) that reach out to fatherless young people.
Invite teens that have no father in their life over for a family dinner.
Find a young man that has grown up without a father and invite him to go camping with you and your son on a weekend.
Provide support to a widow or single mom in your church by picking the kids up for school or helping with transportation needs.

Conclusion

These are just a few ideas, but there is much more that can be done to come alongside fatherless homes in the body of Christ. With such a breakdown in the family structure today, fathers within the church need to take it upon themselves to invest in the lives of those children and families that need the example of a godly father.

[^1]: Source: Fathers.com [^2]: Source: news24.com

How to Talk to Kids About Pain and Suffering

Kyle Grant — Tue, 11 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

I remember vividly the day my daughter, at age 5, asked the ageless question. You see, weeks prior my brother and his family were traveling back from Florida for family vacation when they were in a horrendous car accident. God’s providential care alone preserved their lives. They survived, but not without physical and emotional scars and broken feelings and bones. It changed them all forever.

One day in our home, out of seemingly nowhere, my daughter asked me “daddy if God is good why did the car accident happen?” And there it is. The complexity of the Problem of Evil is not exempt from the simplicity and honesty of youth.

This is a hard enough conversation and it’s even harder with little ones, but no less necessary. In fact, I would argue that when they’re young is precisely the time to begin conversations about heavy things, for life will get heavier for them. How then do we do this? I hope to offer a theological basis for this topic and then some practical approaches for actually having the conversations. So, I will do some explaining and then provide “conversation helps.”

First, establish their understanding of sin.

I suggest this first because it gets to one of the central considerations of the topic, cause. And, I suggest dealing with sin first because it's practical parentally. It gives you something to trace back to when having the conversation with your kids. It appeals to causation. In other words, it provides necessary foundation for your kids because you’re addressing the question of source, or “where did this come from?”

They can understand bad things happen because of badness and that badness comes from sinfulness. Helping them hang the hat of suffering on the peg of sin provides original clarity and rightly teaches the danger of sin. If they pinch their finger in a door we teach them to be careful how they shut doors. Clarifying the source of pain is protective; and so it is with the pains of trial. This teaches pain has an objective foundation and isn’t a chaotic concept distinct from God’s control. We will deal more with this soon.

Parentally, I don’t believe any truly valuable or transformative conversation with our kids occurs if we have not rightly taught them sin. They will not interpret anything about their lives correctly if they don’t see sin as their greatest danger, scariest problem, and ultimate source of pain.

If we teach them that they’re simply misunderstood, excuse sinful behavior as environmental problems, or justify depravity with “personality;” when pain comes, they are likely to see the pain itself as a threat rather than its deadly source, sin.

Conversation Helps:

“Sin causes bad things to happen, but God makes everything work together for good.”
“I’m sorry this hurts. Sin causes so much hurt.”
“Sin is against us, but Jesus is for us.”
“Sin started these problems, but Jesus will end them.”

Draw a line between the effects of sin and sinful consequences.

We should be thankful that Job’s friends aren’t always right. They operated with the assumption that all pain is not only the result of sin, but always the result of your (or my) sin. In other words God treats us good when we are good and causes us to suffer when we sin. If God caused me suffering proportionate to my sin I would’ve been crushed long ago.

We must make certain that we draw a line in their thinking between sin’s effects and sinful consequences. Let’s begin in the Garden of Eden. The thorny and poisonous vines of the curse weave their way into every development of God’s story in the Bible, threatening peace and damaging lives.

Gen. 3:13—16 —> Family harmony is the first casualty of the Fall in the Garden.
Romans 5:12 —> Death and all heinous suffering that accompanies it are immediately inflicted upon the world by Adam’s sin.
Revelation 21:4 —> teaches the effects of sin in reverse by stating what God himself will do to rid eternity of sin’s effects- Grief will be gone. The shedding of Christ’s blood ends the shedding of tears. Death will be defeated (1 Cor. 15:26). Pain and all physical malady was finally defeated when Christ suffered pain “in his body of flesh” (1 Pet. 2:24) on the cross.

And to address sinful consequences, there are a few texts that state God will discipline us for our sin (1 Cor. 11:29-30; Heb. 12:5-11). God may bring healing pain into our lives. Consequently, as parents, we should also express our love by administering the healing pain of discipline in the lives of our children. We must take great care, though, that we are not thoughtlessly attaching all adversity to sinful behavior. We want our children to run to the arms of God in need, not stand at a distance fearing his reach.

Conversation Helps:

“Some pain comes from our choices. Do you think you’re feeling that pain right now?”
“Is there something we could’ve done to avoid this pain?”
“God wants to help you through this, no matter what happened or whose fault it may have been.”
“Even when we make mistakes that hurt, God loves us and offers His help.”

Teach them that God is sovereign.

Our kids need a God who can control what seems out of control and operates outside of accidents. All they know is a life of chaos with mom and dad trying to bring a little order. Use little words to teach big ideas. Remember that sovereignty isn’t only the idea of control. It maintains the idea of purpose and intent. When trial comes, please do not say to your kids “God didn’t want this to happen.”

This presents an unsovereign and puny god who can’t stop what he doesn’t want. It’s also just wrong (Psalm 115:3). So, teach them a true and hopeful definition. God’s sovereignty will help our littles ones bring pain into purpose and chaos into order.

Conversation Helps:

“Remember we can trust God because he always does the right thing, for the right reason, the right way.”
“God doesn’t say ‘oops.’”
“Daddy makes mistakes sometimes, but not God.”
“God has really good reasons for allowing bad things to happen.”

Resolve all things with Christ.

Christ is the ultimate sufferer and eternal conqueror, so where else should we bring our suffering souls and confused children? Bringing Christ into suffering presents him rightly to our children as empathetic and understanding (Heb. 12:3).

Conversation Helps:

“Jesus understands this. He understands you.”
“Jesus shows us our heart and his heart when we hurt.”
“You’re not alone. Ask Jesus to help you with your pain.”
“Jesus loves you perfectly so he cares about everything that hurts you.”

And since he is the eternal conqueror, we are assured the comfort of victory even when life feels defeating. Earlier I said if God caused me suffering proportionate to my sin, I would’ve been crushed long ago. Well, he didn’t. He caused Christ suffering proportionate to my sin and crushed him, raising me up to stand blameless and faultless before the Father.

Conversation Helps:

“Since Jesus is stronger than sin, he can help you have a joyful heart when you hurt.”
“Since Jesus defeated death on the cross, he is strong enough to help you trust him.”
“You need to believe in Jesus to have hope and comfort when things seem bad.”
“Since Jesus rose from the dead, bad things will one day end.”

I wish I could say that was able to answer my daughter’s question with one conversation, but I wasn’t. Because as you know, that’s not how pain and suffering works. I’m not able to resolve my children’s questions of pain, but Christ is. So let’s keep answering our children’s questions of pain and suffering with the Ultimate Sufferer, and one day, He’ll answer them Himself.

Teach Your Kids How to Think about Sickness

John Dalrymple — Tue, 04 Feb 2025 07:00:00 GMT

How could we be sick yet again?!

It seems like we’re sick all the time but I suppose it should come as no surprise considering the fact that:

Children can get sick anywhere from 6-10 times a year
Sicknesses often last 7-10 days
Children in the home don’t all get sick at once
We have 6 children under 10 years old

That’s a recipe for lots of sickness—even with a healthy diet, supplements, and lots of exercise. Sickness is inevitable, but how do we respond to it and teach our kids as they experience it?

Sickness should make us angry

It is frustrating to be sick and to miss out on activities and opportunities. As a parent, I think it’s especially hard to see infants and toddlers sick with fevers or persistent coughing—feeling miserable but crying and unable to understand what’s going on.

It’s right to be angry at sickness because it is a result of the curse on creation since man’s sin in the Garden of Eden (Rom 8:20-22). Sickness is a reminder of the pain and suffering which finds its origins in mankind’s rebellion against God.

In Mark 1 when Jesus is approached by a leper who is suffering and desperate for healing, the writer says that “Jesus was indignant.” Jesus showed mercy to the man but was angry towards the effects of sin–perhaps in the same way he was angry when he approached Lazarus’ tomb (John 11:38). Sickness should make us angry because it reminds us of the curse and mankind’s sin. But it shouldn’t leave us there.

Sickness points us to the gospel

Jesus wasn’t just angered by the effects of sin; He dealt with them on the cross. He cut sickness off at the root. He guaranteed both physical and spiritual healing through His death and resurrection.

“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:4–5) [^1]

When our children get sick and we are wiping snotty noses or cleaning throw up off the floor in the middle of the night, we can remind ourselves (and our kids) that there is good news in Jesus’ death and resurrection. The curse is broken…sickness and death will not have the last word.

Sickness will one day be eradicated

In Rev 21, the Apostle John sees the New Jerusalem and a loud voice from the throne says,

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new…” (Revelation 21:4–5)

As you wipe away your child’s tears, as you struggle with pain from fever or chronic illness, remind yourself that, “he will wipe away every tear…pain shall be no more…” Sickness will one day be eradicated.

Sickness will always be accompanied by God’s sufficient grace

When the Apostle Paul was faced with affliction and suffering, Jesus spoke these comforting words to him:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” [so Paul could confidently respond] Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

How could Paul go on to say, “When I am weak, then I am strong.”? Because of the power of Christ and God’s sufficient grace! As you and your children experience weakness in your sickness, pray for God’s grace and cling to His strength.

Conclusion

If you have multiple young kids, you’re probably in (or about to be in) a season of sickness. As we care for our kids, let’s also take the opportunity to explain to them the source of sickness, the good news about Jesus’ deliverance, our future hope, and God’s sufficient grace.

[^1]: This Messianic prophecy is often used to support the Prosperity Gospel, which promises physical health in this life to all of God’s people. Although Isaiah 53:4-5 certainly points to Jesus' healing ministry (see Matthew 8:16-17), Scripture teaches that ultimate physical healing for God’s people awaits the resurrection (Philippians 3:20-21).

Affirm Your Children’s Connection to You

Andrew French — Tue, 28 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

The writer of Hebrews compares God the Father’s loving discipline of His children and that of “earthly fathers” to their own children (Hebrews 12:9-10). That association or mental comparison is almost subconscious for people.

For better or worse, children will naturally begin to ascribe to God the Father the perceptions they have of their earthly father. An absent or distant dad can become an absent or distant God. A “whatever-you-do-doesn’t-matter” dad becomes a “whatever-you-do-doesn’t-matter” God. A demanding father whose favor must be earned through performance can translate to a demanding God whose favor must be earned through performance.

How we relate to our children, then, is extremely important. One simple way we, as dads, can help our kids develop the right perception of God is to affirm and delight in their connection to us.

God the Father demonstrates this to His own in His Word. He often reminded Israel of His love for her and His faithfulness to her by telling her she was His (Isaiah 43:1).

If we’re in Christ, we are inseparable from God’s love (Romans 8:35-39). The Spirit assures us of being adopted into God’s family when we call out to our “Abba! Father!” (Romans 8:15-16; Galatians 4:5-7). He even “chose us in [Christ] before the foundation of the world” (Ephesians 1:4). We are immeasurably loved by God our Father and assured of that love.

In part, that’s what Horatius Bonar was getting at when he wrote, “My love is ofttimes low / My joy still ebbs and flows. / But peace with Him remains the same— / No change Jehovah knows.”

As that translates to the relationship your children have to you, can they say that about you?

Does your child know that you are glad they are yours? Not that they are a child. Or that they’re a good child. Or that they are a smart child. Or that they are an athletic child.

“, I’m so glad you’re my daughter.” “, I’m so glad you’re my son.” At the end of the day, literally and proverbially, your children would immensely benefit from this affirmation. Despite their sin and how we may have had to deal with it that day. Regardless of how well or poorly they performed in their endeavors, they know that Dad loves them and is glad they’re his.

As flawed as I am, I’m thankful my heavenly Father delights that I’m His. May we more consistently image His love to our own children.

An Incomplete Prescription for a Sick Society

Chris Lynch — Tue, 21 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

This past week one of my fellow church members sent me an online article that instantly drew my attention. It was originally published online by People on January 7 and was written by Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, the Surgeon General of the United States. Dr Murthy is completing his cabinet term under the Biden administration as the nation’s foremost doctor , and he presented his article as “my parting prescription for the country I love”.

What he wrote captivated me for several reasons. His prescription didn’t feature a call to weight loss or nutrition, more research for disease cures, eradication of hunger in the lower classes, or any other talking point we might have expected. His focus and deep concern for his nation was found in the “deeper root causes of pain and unhappiness I encounter so often across this country”. I found myself identifying with so much of what he was saying, observing the same realities and feeling the same burdens. He seemed to be striking so close to the bullseye on so many of our culture’s maladies. It was remarkably insightful.

He sees epidemics of loneliness and emptiness running rampant in our culture. The pursuit of wealth, power, and success are simply sapping the energy of people and giving no satisfaction or meaning back in return. External pressures such as political and worldwide unrest, economic uncertainty, and worries about the future only feed all this unrest and absence of wellbeing. This reality has physical effects like heart disease, mental health issues, depression and anxiety. The contagion also spreads beyond the individual to the societal level, “robbing us of our optimism, and contributing to division and polarization.” People simply know that something is missing in their lives.

Especially concerning us here at Growing Fathers, he emphasizes the effect this reality has on young people: “about half of young people are struggling with loneliness… a majority of young adults say they have little or no sense of purpose or meaning in life.” For those of us raising the next generation, those are startling facts. Surely there is something to be done! What does the Surgeon General prescribe?

An Incomplete Prescription

I found myself drawn to his proposed path forward. His prescription to what he perceived as the root “sicknesses” of our nation is three-pronged.

After years of reflecting on the stories I have heard, delving into the scientific data, and convening researchers, I have come to see that there are three essential elements that fuel our fulfillment and well-being: relationships, service, and purpose.

Dr. Murthy calls on Americans dealing with this emptiness and lack of fulfillment not to pursue wealth, fame, and success, and power. Instead:

Relationships keep us grounded and bonded to each other. Service, from formal volunteering to informal small acts of kindness, is about helping each other. And purpose gives our life and sense of direction and meaning. Together, these elements form the triad of fulfillment.

He then spends several paragraphs fleshing out each part of his “triad of fulfillment” by suggesting various mindsets and specific forms that each could take.

We can identify with all of that! He has touched on some deeply rooted issues as well as on some potentially effective paths to healing. However, as I concluded his article I was struck by one final thing: his solution was still missing…something. While full of concern, well-meaning in his approach, and genuinely touching on accurate and effective means of improvement, he was still unable to fully present a solution that rang true, one that really answered all the questions and provided the full remedy.

He leaves the reader identifying with his burden and loving his call for change, but the prescription from this doctor still leaves you feeling there are missing pieces. How can we find those relationships he calls for? How exactly does service fill the empty void? And what is that ultimate purpose we must pursue, anyway? He sees the need, but he lacks the true, final, ultimate answer.

The Biblical Remedy

When I finished reading, I found myself smiling for a couple of reasons. First of all, I couldn’t help but be encouraged that a leading scholar and expert was putting his finger on a root problem in our society and having some insightful and helpful wisdom about doing something about it. The image of God in mankind, though marred by the presence of sin, still shines through in little but powerful glimpses!

But even more so, as I stopped scrolling I was overwhelmed with a joyous, hopeful thought: I know what’s missing. Not because I’m a doctor (not even close!) or an expert in anthropology or social theory (big words scare me!), but because I know that a source does exist that provides the crucial aspects of this prescription that Dr. Murthy, for all his heartfelt burden and accurate wisdom, is missing. That source is the absolute truth provided by the one true God–the One who created people, wants us to flourish, and knows how we function best.

Yes, relationships, service, and purpose are the solutions to the problems Dr. Murthy observes around us. But it is God’s character and his Word that dictates which relationships help best and how they should be pursued. Only God reveals what kinds of service are truly successful and have lasting value (and what the proper motivations are for such service). And only while living in God’s reality is our truest and ultimately fulfilling purpose found. Let me give you a couple brief examples of what I mean.

Purpose - Reflecting God’s Likeness

First of all, my ultimate purpose is found in two primary places, according to the Word of God. First, all people are created in God’s image for the purpose of reflecting his likeness for his pleasure and glory. As image bearers of God, we bear immense value and have significant purpose because we are the creatures God made to represent and worship him (Genesis 1:26–28).

But the fact that mankind chose to rebel against God for the purpose of pleasing and living for our own advancement and pleasure introduces the second source of our purpose: God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, “to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2:14).

My faith in Christ’s perfect sacrifice for my sin on the cross to redeem and cleanse me from sin means that I am purified in God’s eyes. Not only that, but I now am able to once again fulfill my purpose for which he created me! I’m not my own person anymore; instead I exist for the sake and glory of him who saved me (1 Cor. 6:20; 2 Cor. 5:15)! That’s my purpose! Nothing short of that will satisfy or bring fulfillment.

Service - To God and Others

That reality then defines our service, too! That’s the “good works” part from Titus 2 above. Yes, we must actively be involving ourselves in active ways for the betterment of those around us, but our calling to serve as God’s redeemed ones goes beyond the forms of service Dr. Murthy aptly prescribes. Our service is ultimately to God; when his pleasure is my motivation and his Son is my model, then I will indeed care properly for those around me and positively impact my fellow man.

Relationships - One with Christ and his Church

As for relationships, we can find ultimate deliverance from isolation by being a follower of Jesus. He himself is the dearest friend one could ever desire. But union with him creates a special union with others who also know and follow him. Christ’s church is the greatest, most precious, most inclusive collection of relationships of which you could possibly ever be a part.

The care, love, support, and eternal oneness experienced through commitment to the church of Jesus Christ is incomparable. Furthermore, being an active part of that body of Christ provides support for us as we pursue our purpose and gives us a place to serve.

Conclusion

Dr. Murthy made some really vitally helpful points. But the best humans can do without the help of the truth of God is identify a need and provide peripheral or incomplete solutions to the great problems of our society or our world. So let me remind you that, as a believer, you have the truth that he was missing–the truth that both enables you to fulfill your true purpose and provide you with great fulfillment at the same time.

Finally, I haven’t forgotten that this is a blog for Christian fathers! Dads, we have work to do in order to equip our children to enter and live in this world full of emptiness, loneliness, and listlessness. Teach and model for them what their ultimate purpose is in God’s reality. Show and tell them how service for their Savior is what is ultimately fulfilling and impactful on the world around them. And involve them in the greatest, loving, most glorious collection of relationships they can find–Christ’s church.

This isn’t just a message for us and our kids. This is a message our communities need. Jesus Christ died to free us from our sin and all the loneliness and emptiness and lack of satisfaction that comes with it. Dr. Murthy rightly exposed great needs around us. God’s Word perfectly presents the solutions. Let’s act on them and live them out, in our families and our communities by God’s grace!

Five Ways to Undercut Your Wife’s Authority

Chris Pennington — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

It’s far too easy to undercut your wife’s authority in your children’s eyes without trying. Here are five ways I’ve found myself accidentally undercutting my wife’s authority with our kids.

1. Saying “I” instead of “we”

One of my daughters asked me yesterday, “Why do you get to tell us what to do?” I answered, “God put daddy in charge of you and unless I tell you to do something that disobeys God, God expects you to obey me.”

It’s right and proper for parents to appeal to their authority from God, but did you see what I did? I used “I” and “my” and “me” language. In this subtle way, it’s easy to undercut my wife.

I’ve tried to switch to “in our house” vs. “in my house” and “because we said so” vs. “because I said so.” It’s a small shift, but it helps my children remember that we are a team and share the authority in parenting.

2. Answering “yes” too early

We all know the game: you get a “no” from dad or mom, so you find the other and ask again. We know the game because we all played the game.

When I say “yes” without checking, I undercut a “no” from my wife and subsequently undercut her authority. The answer to any question is at least “did you ask mom already?” and—if time allows—“Let me talk with mom first.”

3. Stepping in too early

As a dad who works from home, I’m subject to the whims of a 4, 7, and almost 9 year old. I hear each time someone screams, gets hurt, or disobeys.

My instinct is to “step in” and “solve the problem.” My instinct is often selfless, but it undercuts my wife. We’ve started learning that I need to wait until she asks me to help. When she needs help, I am ready to help.

4. Not responding as a team

When I enter the room to help, it’s important not to burst into discipline mode. I’ve tried to get better about privately discussing a solution with my wife and then dealing with the problem as a team.

When I come into the room, my wife should think, “Good, some help.” not “Here comes Rambo!” My kids should hear, “Mom and I talked, and we are going to discipline you like this….”

If you always respond individually when called upon, your children will start to see you as the “real” authority and think less of your wife and her authority.

5. Appealing to fear instead of authority

Most men are more physically intimidating than their wives, and children feel that difference. If you make it a habit to discipline in a way that appeals to fear (e.g., meanly yelling or being physically intimidating to produce obedience) instead of your God-given authority, it can impact how your children see your wife.

They can start to see authority mostly as an expression of anger and intimidation. If your wife rightly disciplines by appealing to her God-given authority and rejects intimidation tactics, she will appear less authoritative, even though she isn’t.

Conclusion

Whether or not you’re trying to help, if your help undercuts your wife, you’re not helping as you should. Talk with your wife and ask her if you do any of these five habits or if there are other ways she feels you undercut her to your kids.

Book Review: 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You

Andrew Lee — Wed, 01 Jan 2025 07:00:00 GMT

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Something has been bothering me the last few weeks. I started to notice a change in my life. It didn’t happen overnight. Back in July, I attempted to set some healthy boundaries for my smartphone usage. I removed the email and locked down the web browser so it would have to be re-enabled before using it. I started to see growth in my focus on my family and not being pulled into constant scrolling and phrenetic update checking on my phone.

But then I re-enabled the browser. We had been looking for a house, and I decided I should start checking on house listings a bit more often - just twice a day, but I was using my phone to do it. We found an option for a house, but wanted to make some changes.

I started researching how much those changes would cost. The tabs in my browser started to build up. We decided to make an offer. With the flurry of signing and offers and counter-offers, I began checking email on my phone frequently to keep up. In my pocket there were endless possibilities of things to research and projects to plan related to our house. I began to fall into the same unhealthy habits of using my phone. My focus on my family lessened. I began to be more consumed with temporal things than eternal things. My phone was changing me.

Maybe this story sounds familiar. Think about your own phone usage. Is it a tool that you use, or does the endless availability of information or entertainment draw your attention away from what is most important? Certainly, we cannot blame our phones for our sinful failures! We are responsible for the choices we make. However, it is good to recognize the dangers and temptations we face with any tool because tools can both help and harm.

Can I encourage you to put 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You by Tony Reinke on your reading list for 2025?

As I evaluated my recent struggle, I reread this book and found it quite helpful. Even if you have healthy habits in how you use technology, this book will help you to evaluate why it’s important to maintain them. You might even discover some areas that you need to change your thinking on in light of Scripture. Maybe you’ve developed some bad habits or poor thinking in how you use your phone. This book will provide a warning to you of areas you should be seeking God’s help to change.

A Balanced Perspective

Before you dismiss this book as a rant against technology, let me assure you that it isn’t.

Tony comes from the perspective of someone who loves to use new technology. He brings his extensive knowledge of both technology and theology to bear on this topic. He takes a step back from the excitement of what is new and gives an honest evaluation of how the technological developments of the last 16 years have changed humanity.

He doesn’t start with the iPhone, though, and he doesn’t vilify smartphones as the source of a new evil. He begins in Genesis, going all the way back to the first temptation in the garden. Having access to information can be good, but more knowledge does not always bring good into our lives.

God has commanded us to subdue the earth, but even in that pursuit we must guard against looking to technology as the solution to our problems. Although the problems in our hearts were not created by technology, tech can certainly amplify evil when used without restraint.

Numerous Important Warnings

You might think of pornography as the primary danger on the internet, and Tony does address that topic. However, he helpfully points out that there are many other perhaps more subtle dangers on the internet, many of which are exacerbated by the constant access we have to them on our phones. I was immediately convicted as I read the first warning—being addicted to distraction.

So many times I can quickly pull my phone out instead of using “dead time” to meditate on more important things. What I consume on my phone can tend toward a fast food diet of trivia instead of what stimulates the deep thinking that helps me to grow in becoming like Jesus. I miss noticing the people around me.

A Refreshing Call to Reset Our Focus

Each of the warnings in this book helps to shape our thinking about phone usage, but Tony brings it home in the conclusion with a call to the heart change that is necessary to change our phone usage. Changing settings on our phones may temporarily correct our overuse, but if we don’t focus our hearts on Christ, we have failed to properly use technology. It continues to control us, calling us to find fulfillment in something other than Jesus, making it an idol.

Each of us will have to determine what level of technology usage allows us to maintain the right focus on Christ. Some will need to ditch the smartphone altogether. Others will need to use settings to limit usage. Some can continue to use all of the features available without having attention pulled away from biblical priorities as a husband and father. All of us must answer this question carefully and prayerfully and regularly evaluate whether we need to change how we use technology.

Read or listen to 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You and think about how your phone is pointing you toward or away from Christ. Commit at the beginning of this year to use your phone to grow in looking toward Christ and pointing those around you to him as well. Use the tools you have available to keep this as your priority.

God’s Indescribable Gift

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 17 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

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Merry Christmas from Growing Fathers! One of my favorite Christmas verses is 1 Corinthians 9:15:

“Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!”

As part of my role of overseeing children’s ministries at our church, I get to teach junior church every four months. My lessons focus on building Christian character. Each month, we study a characteristic of God that we can also have (like mercy or love), talk about how He displays that character quality, and then discuss how we should display it as well. In May, our theme was “generosity.” I showed the children 1 Corinthians 9:15 and asked them, “What do you think this passage means by ‘the indescribable gift’?”

How would you answer that question?

In the context, Paul is encouraging the Corinthian church to give generously to a collection he is taking for poor believers living in Jerusalem. He seeks to motivate them by sharing the example of the Macedonian believers, who were very generous despite their own poverty.

However, Paul goes on to point out that the Macedonians were also following someone else’s example. The generous Macedonians were following the example of God, the greatest Gift-Giver.

James 1:17 says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.”

So God is the Gift-giver in 1 Corinthians 9:15, but what is the gift—this ultimate, indescribable gift that Paul mentions but does not name in the passage? Picture your child’s nativity set on the coffee table. The gift is a person; the gift is Jesus.

In an effort to parse out all the blessings of salvation (including regeneration, forgiveness, redemption, adoption, sanctification, glorification, Spirit-filling, etc.), we must not forget that at the heart of all of these gifts is a relationship with God Himself.

John 17:3 says, “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” Eternal life is defined as knowing Jesus.

Do you consider God Himself to be the ultimate gift?

If you worship God for what He can give you, you’ve missed the whole point. God is the most beautiful, desirable thing in the universe. Do you desire the Gift?

The apostle Paul said, “I count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ” (Phil 3:8). Oh that we would share that same passion!

“Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift”!

Six Questions Our Children Have that Demand Answers

Walt Brock — Tue, 03 Dec 2024 07:00:00 GMT

One of the most important things my wife and I learned during our years of childrearing was that our children were going to ask questions, and we were responsible to God to answer those questions. Some study and wisdom is required to wisely answer their questions, but answer them we must. The alternative is they will find wrong answers elsewhere.

Not all their questions will be verbalized, but they still must be answered! We found children will ask six foundational questions in the course of growing to maturity. They are, for the most part, sequential in nature. Regardless of age, these questions must be answered in order, for each one builds upon the answer to the previous question.

The answers to these six key questions will be the cement of their future lives’ foundation. When children ask these questions, the answers they receive and accept will lead them to either a worldly or a biblical, God-honoring philosophy of life.

1. Who is in control?

This first question is best answered when the children are preschool age. When children disobey, they are really asking who is in control. They are saying, “I want to be in control here, and I’m testing you to see if you will let me have my own way.”

Children must learn to obey their parents as their parents are in turn obeying God when they require their children to obey (Ephesians 6:1-4). Children will feel secure and loved when parents consistently and lovingly answer this question God’s way. The right answer to this question is preparation for the children’s yielding to the Lord’s control of their lives, making their yielding to God in salvation more likely, and as they grow older, yielding to God’s will.

2. Whom will I follow?

This next question is for school-age children up until the time of puberty. During this age of hero worship, parents are their main heroes. However, their world is slowly expanding, and they begin to see many more potential “heroes” to follow.

This is the time of teaching about the heroes of the faith, the facts of Scripture, and the need to guard their hearts and minds from those who subvert the truth. The correct answer to this unspoken question is, “I will follow those who are following God and yielding to His control.”

3. Who am I?

The third question is often asked by young people going through puberty as they are dealing with the physical, emotional, and mental changes in their bodies. The answer is not difficult: “You are who God made you to be, and He is not finished growing you yet (Psalm 139). You are loved and precious to your parents and to God (John 3:16; Romans 5:8). Teach them to trust God as they grow into the person He wants them to be.

4. Who is right?

Teenagers often ask this question. When they were going through puberty, not only did their bodies change, but also their mental thinking processes changed. When they were younger, everything was just right or wrong, but now gray is between the two. They are suddenly thinking abstractly and asking all kinds of questions.

They will often doubt their salvation, ask how we know God exists, how we know the Bible is right and true, and ask about creation. In short, the foundations of their lives are being questioned. Parents must learn to be discerning, give good answers, and not be frustrated about having to teach the basics all over again. Parents must develop the biblical discernment necessary to answer their questions by correctly applying Scripture to everyday life situations.

5. Whom will I be?

This question will not be answered by the parent, but by the young adults. However, the parent has had eighteen years to prepare them for this inevitable and life-direction answer, which is in reality a combination of all the previous answers.

6. Who loves me?

This last question is asked by children from the day they are born until the day they die. Parents must be continually answering, “Yes, son” . . . “Yes, daughter, I love you -- unconditionally!”

Parents answer by word, by attitude, by action, by patience, and by obeying God in how they sacrifice to bring up their children in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). In the end, the real answer, of course, is God Almighty, the Lord Jesus Christ, loves you!

Our Prayer

Our prayer for our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren is they will obey God, follow Jesus, know they are children of God, believe the Bible as their source of truth, be a discerner of both good and evil, be seeking God’s will, and “love Him, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Thanksgiving As A Year Round Flavor

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 27 Nov 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions? Growing up, our family would drive fifteen minutes and enjoy a delicious meal with our cousins and Meme. The football game would be playing in the background (in spite of the fact that no one really wanted to watch the Cowboys). The smells of turkey, apple pie and coffee wafted through the air. There was the obligatory family Bingo game, but with Meme supplying the prizes, everyone was a winner!

Is gratitude a year-round tradition in your family? A couple of weeks ago Chris Lynch wrote this on our blog:

Thanksgiving isn’t merely a holiday or something we focus on temporarily; it is a way of life for those who have been redeemed.[^1]

How convicting is that?! If a gratitude inspector spent the weekend with your family, would they conclude that gratitude is a way of life in your home? Thankfully, the Spirit can cultivate the attitude of thankfulness in anyone!

My wife and I have chosen to make gratitude a priority in our home. That doesn’t mean we are particularly good at gratitude. It does mean we recognize the importance of thankfulness and desire to see each person in our family become a thankful person.

Chris pointed out five Scriptural principles about thanksgiving and noted that another article could touch on “practical and creative ways to instigate” giving thanks. My goal in this article is to give four practical suggestions to stimulate gratitude in your family to make thanksgiving more than just a seasonal flavor.

“Thankful Things”

My wife and I agree that this has been the best and simplest practice to focus on gratitude. We have made giving thanks a regular part of our family devotion time. After reading a Bible passage and singing, we take turns giving thanks for something in our day.

Early on, one of our boys couldn’t see past his socks. He was probably two or three at the time, and when we would ask him what he was thankful for, he would freeze, look around, and say, “My socks”. That was a good start!

The boys tend to give thanks for whatever happened most recently, so whatever we did after dinner would be mentioned. But this habit causes us all to stop and think about what happened in our day.

Because this “God-ward routine” has been built into our family rhythm, we can encourage them to grow in their giving of thanks. Since thanks should be given to someone, recently we’ve encouraged the boys to specifically think about giving thanks to God or another person for something that happened, rather than just mentioning their favorite thing from the day.

Like any good family rhythm, this will probably take several attempts before it sticks, but we’ve benefited from this “Thankful Things” portion of the bedtime routine.

Teach them to say thank you.

At the risk of being too obvious, thanks giving must be expressed. Saying “thank you” is one way to push against the discontent and entitlement so common to our culture and to our hearts.

Saying “thank you” should be verbally given as much as possible. Rare is the child (or adult) who is too thankful. But expressing thanks should not be limited to what we say. In our fast-paced, video-streaming, instant gratification culture, having your kids take time to physically write a thank you note may be frustrating to them in the short-term but character-forming in the long-run. Start by having them write a thank you card after receiving something (like after Christmas or their birthday).

Model thankfulness yourself.

Perhaps the most basic, most underrated, more difficult practical step to helping your children be more thankful is to model it yourself. Be a thankful person! The old expression, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” doesn’t just apply to weird distant relatives. Your children watch you; they follow your example.

Could it be that our children are not really thankful because we as their parents are not really that thankful either? Though you can’t control your children or be thankful for them, you can at least set a good example for them, which removes this as a potential roadblock.

In addition to the suggestions under point 2, take a 21 day gratitude challenge. Each day pick a different person in your life and recognize their contributions to you. This will force you to look beyond the sensational to the regular, mundane things we do for one another. Then express your thanks, whether in a thank you card, a short text or email, or a phone call. For bonus points, look the person in the eye and say why you are thankful for them. (It’s harder than you think!)

Talk about what God has done.

Scripture entrusts the responsibility to pass on the knowledge of the Lord to fathers (Ps. 78:5–8, Eph. 6:4). Pointing out what God has done and giving thanks for it doesn’t take that long, but it impacts everyone. This is part of “in the way” parenting that Deuteronomy 6:7–9 encourages.

Just the other day our family had a significant answer to prayer, and over dinner we had a short discussion about it. The whole conversation probably took 45 seconds, but by identifying God’s work in our family and giving Him credit for it, we directed our hearts upward.

These small moments shape character. Make God’s work in your lives a regular conversation topic, and you’ll find that gratitude follows naturally.

Closing Thoughts

Like any other spiritual discipline, learning to give thanks will not come overnight. Steady progress is attainable as you practice these things and depend upon the Holy Spirit to do His transforming work in your family. Seek His empowerment so that “whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Col. 3:17)

[^1]: If you’d like to think more about how to cultivate gratitude, consider picking up either: Choosing Gratitude by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth or Practicing Thankfulness by Sam Crabtree.

Why One-On-One Time Is So Important

Andrew Lee — Wed, 20 Nov 2024 07:00:00 GMT

“Mom, I think Dad and I had the best conversation we’ve ever had!”

My oldest son shared this with my wife, Elizabeth, while we were out on a walk a couple of months ago. I was thrilled. What had we done to lead to this conversation he was talking about? We went out for a burger and fries. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision—this was something planned as part of our regular family rhythms. It wasn’t the first time we had planned time alone together like this. We also ended up spending over 2 hours together because our conversation was going so well.

I think the reason my son enjoyed it so much was the result of something intentional that we started doing a few years ago. I’m so thankful that Elizabeth has faithfully encouraged this habit even in the midst of a busy family schedule.

Let me back up a bit. A few years ago, my wife had a friend mention an idea to plan one date with each of our kids on their birthday day each month. For example, if the birthday was July 15, then on the 15th of every month, one of us would take that child on a date. I think this has been one of the most impactful habits for building relationships with our kids.

For all the benefits of spending one-on-one time with your kids, I’d recommend reading Kris’s excellent article.

As he points out, we should use all of the opportunities we can fit into everyday life to spend time with just one of our kids at a time.

To facilitate reaping the benefits of this one-on-one time, I’d encourage you to schedule this time each month on your calendar. Try and make sure each of your kids gets one hour with one parent each month.

Here are some specific areas that doing this has benefited our family:

1. It builds up our relationships for when difficulties arise.

The comment my son made comes right as he is on the verge of becoming a teenager. This has led to increasingly complex and difficult conversations. Regardless of age, we have tense moments with each of our kids throughout the day as we focus on training them to follow God and confront areas that need change.

Having a regularly scheduled fun time each month gives a designated time to build up the relational capital that allows us to get through the hard times. It lets each of our kids know that we love them regardless of how many times we need to correct them.

2. It forces you to intentionally put away your phone or other distractions and focus just on your son or daughter.

I struggle off and on with letting my phone take my attention away from my kids. I try to put it away and out of sight when I’m home unless an emergency comes up, but I’m certainly not always perfect in this. One thing that is easy, though, is to recognize that the world can go on without me for an hour while I spend focused time with one of my kids. This time is a treasure!

I try to look at them often and can see joy in their faces that I miss other times when life is busy—even if that busyness comes from necessary distractions like helping the other kids with homework or other needs.

3. It gives you a built-in time to check in.

You have a built-in time to truly check in and see what’s going on in your child’s heart or thoughts and direct them.

Each of us needs someone to be checking in on us. For parents, although it certainly doesn’t need to be exclusive, God has given us the primary responsibility to be that person for our kids. We need to know what is going on in their hearts. We should try to check in whenever opportunities arise, but we can be forgetful.

Having a time each month that is designated to check in can help hold us accountable to knowing what is going on in our kids’ lives. This can also be an evaluative time for me as a parent to think about how I have been spiritually leading my kids (or not) over the last month and commit to specific areas I should grow in the coming month.

How do we plan our dates?

One question that may come up as I talk about this is the cost involved. Dates don’t have to cost anything—it can be as simple as playing a game or going on a hike. They can also be inexpensive—I recently hiked with my son a couple of miles from a state park to a frozen custard spot right outside of the park and back. Sometimes we pick out a special treat at a grocery store to eat together.

We usually reserve going out for a meal as a more rare celebration (around a birthday, for example). For variety in location, we usually try to intersperse dates at home with those away from home.

From a scheduling standpoint, we recently switched from the birthday day to the nearest Saturday because we have so many things going on in the middle of the week. If you have more than four kids, maybe shoot for one kid a week.

The key is consistency. There are a lot of creative ways you can make these times special, but it’s a lot easier to plan them when you have committed to a time slot each month.

We’re not perfect in doing this, but we have started to see fruit from committing to a focused time with our kids individually each month. Even our 2-year-old daughter has noticed the fun times and asked to get in on having dates with Dad or Mom.

Consider how you could incorporate this practice into your family rhythms and reap the benefits of planned time with each of your kids!

Using Simple Scriptures to Cultivate Gratitude

Chris Lynch — Wed, 13 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Recently, the biggest issue we have been addressing with our children is a rather alarming absence of gratitude. As they enter the “tween” years (10 and 12, respectively), there is a strong sense of entitlement subtly but surely raising its ugly heads in their hearts. Just this past evening at a community party my daughter was distraught that she was “only” allowed to have two slices of pizza, two sugary drinks, a bag of chips, and two pieces of a cookie cake with icing. According to her, our choice to set such gross unreasonable limits bordered on cruelty!

Perhaps there are other dads reading this that can identify with my current angst over this recent development. Our children are sinners and naturally live to please themselves. So things like satisfaction in and gratefulness for what they do have is far outshined by what they want that is just out of reach or what has been withheld from them. We’re about to enter a time of year when this issue is even more prevalent in our children’s hearts than usual. Of course, the most unpleasant aspect of all of this for me as their dad is that their ingratitude reminds me of my own! I’m just better at hiding it.

The Thanksgiving season gives us a wonderful opportunity as parents to reinforce the centrality and importance of thanksgiving in the heart and life of a follower of Jesus, no matter his or her age. Thanksgiving isn’t merely a holiday or something we focus on temporarily; it is a way of life for those who have been redeemed. I am determined this month to make the giving of thanks a regular topic of conversation amongst us as a family. While there are many practical and creative ways to instigate that (another topic for another article someday), I’d like to turn our attention to the most foundational and effective tool we as dads can utilize to cultivate thanksgiving in our homes–the Word of God.

I’d like to highlight five simple passages from Scripture that we as dads can teach our children this month. It’s true that simply “throwing Bible verses” at a heart problem is an incomplete way to address sin struggles in the hearts of our children. “God says this, so shape up!” I am not recommending that oversimplified approach. But the truths of God’s Word are where we need to start.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of effective passages to cultivate gratitude, so at the end I’ve included a few additional passages to consider. I would encourage you to read, discuss, meditate on, memorize, and even pray through them as a family. Each one contains a simple truth about thankfulness to drive home to our children–and to us!

Colossians 2:7 - Thanksgiving is what God’s people do!

Paul is making a clear point in this verse. Those who have received the gift of salvation in Christ through faith will have certain characteristics. A walk in Christ flows out of faith in Christ. You can’t have one without the other. It’s stated as a command but also as a reasonable expectation: “If you’re saved, you’ll want to live like it!” And one of the characteristics of that life is that a believer is “abounding in thanksgiving.”

Discuss the meaning of “abounding” with your children. A beautiful meadow abounds with wildflowers. Zoos abound with animals. Lucky Charms abounds with yummy marshmallows! To abound means that something is abundantly pleasant or filled to the brim. That is how much our lives should be filled with thanksgiving.

It is also important to discuss why we can and should be so grateful. Walk through the gospel story with your kids in detail, showing all that God in Christ has done for us! How could gratitude not be a hallmark of even the youngest believer after all that?!

Romans 1:21-23 - Thanksgiving is what those who are rejecting God DON’T do.

This verse reinforces the first one above by emphasizing the opposite point. Romans 1 is a sobering passage where God describes those who have rejected him and lays out all the foolish things they do as a result. Rebellion in the heart refuses to acknowledge God or give him honor. Even our younger children can understand that concept.

But that little phrase in the middle of verse 21 gives us pause: “they did not give honor to God or give thanks to him”. A refusal to give thanks to God is a sign of a heart that refuses to give honor to him or acknowledge him as the one in charge.

An unthankful heart is one of the early tell-tale signs of rebellion against God. He has done so much for us and deserves our gratitude; when we choose to withhold that we are pretending that we don’t need him and revealing we don’t want him. A quick read through of the rest of this passage shows us where a heart like that ends up without change–it’s not pretty. Choose thanksgiving because it’s what believers do and because the alternative is scary!

1 Thessalonians 5:18 - There’s never a time not to give thanks!

Can this verse really be true? Can we really give thanks always in all situations? Yes! Ephesians 5:20 and Colossians 3:17 reinforce this truth, too. Remind your children that even hard things are designed by God to help us know him better (2 Cor. 12:9) and produce growth in us (James 1:2-4). Through every situation, even ones we would not have chosen, our God promises that his love, help, grace, presence, and protection are there in abundance! Thank your God for everything because it comes from his hand, and what comes from him is good (James 1:17).

Scary situations, sad situations, situations in which we don’t get what we want, and situations where our plans change are all opportunities to give thanks–not because we’re happy or because things are easy but because my loving God has something good he’s doing. By the way, this is one choice that dads and moms must model, too, because there’s no way our children will believe this for themselves if they see that their parents don’t believe it!

Philippians 4:6-7 - Replace your worry and fear with thanksgiving!

Children are naturally fearful. While worrying gets more complex (and often more excused) in us as adults, it is often very much present and very strong in our children’s hearts. Instead of worry, Paul encourages God’s people to pray–to take our concerns directly to our loving God rather than letting them bounce around uncontrolled in our heads so they become unassailable monsters. Colossians 4:2 teaches the same thing.

I love this verse because it doesn’t just tell us not to be anxious, but it gives us an effective replacement for it every time–thanksgiving! Paul doesn’t just say to pray, he gives us some ideas of how to pray. And one of those categories is giving thanks. When our focus is on all the wonderful and good gifts we have from God, our focus won’t be on the uncertainties or the things that concern us. In fact, this passage connects well with the previous one, too! Thankful prayers can help even the youngest minds be disciplined to trust that everything God is doing and leading us through is best for us. Truly, giving thanks is beneficial to us all!

Colossians 3:14-15 - Those who are thankful to God are also thankful to others.

But our thanksgiving isn’t just something we direct to God. Thankful people will show that gratitude to others, too! When the peace of Christ rules in the heart of a believer, no matter how young, they will show that thankfulness to others. Expressing gratefulness to others is not simply good manners; it’s a fruit present in the life of a growing Christian!

When we ponder the love and goodness of our God to us, that produces love and goodness to others. God’s love and goodness motivate thanks to him, and the love and goodness expressed by others for our benefit motivate our thanks in the same way. The best way to help your children grow in their gratitude to grandparents, pastors, church members, neighbors, doctors and nurses, grocery store workers, coaches and anyone else is to continue to cultivate an appreciation for God’s love and goodness.

There are so many other portions of God’s Word to which we can point our families as we cultivate thanksgiving. Moses led Israel in thanksgiving for his deliverance at the Red Sea (Exodus 15), picturing our own deliverance from our bondage to sin. Psalm 100 and Psalms 69:30 show us that when we worship we are giving thanks. Psalm after psalm calls on God’s people to give thanks to the Lord for his goodness and love (Psalm 107:1; 118:1; 136:1). David reiterated that as he led the Israelites in worship in 1 Chronicles 16:34. The story of Christ and the ten lepers teaches the right response to the love of Jesus.[^1] We will never exhaust the extent to which the Bible calls us to overflowing and constant gratitude.

God’s Word gives us the command to give thanks, examples of giving thanks, reasons to give thanks, plenty of motivation to give thanks, and the benefits of giving thanks. I’d highly encourage you to take your children to the Scriptures this Thanksgiving season to show them all of that–and to lead them in the marvelous, peace-giving, fulfilling, and God-glorifying exercise of gratitude. I plan to!

[^1]: View this article in our archives about that very account if you want to study it more.

5 Misconceptions about Sports Betting

John Dalrymple — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

It’s the best time of year for sports fans.

Major League Baseball and Soccer seasons are ending just as professional basketball and hockey seasons are getting started, but most people are occupied with the NFL season—which boasts more viewers than all other sports combined!

The NFL is a massive $20 billion industry–and that doesn’t include the projected $35 billion that American adults (mostly men) are projected to bet with legal sportsbooks throughout the 2024 NFL season.[^1]

Professional sports generate huge profits, but sports betting takes it to a whole new level, and it’s growing at a remarkably rapid pace with wide acceptance. What are some of the most common misconceptions about sports betting and why is this important for Christian dads to consider?

Misconceptions about sports betting

1. It involves less risk

The wide availability of in-depth sports statistics combined with the endless options for bet customization have led some to conclude that the risks for sports betting are low and manageable. Because of their extensive knowledge of teams and players, men can tend to view their bets as guided by expertise and skill rather than luck. However, this perception can actually lead to greater risk. According to one study in the journal Addictive Behaviors, "Sports betting, relative to non-sports betting, has been more strongly linked to gambling problems and cognitive distortions related to illusion of control, probability control and interpretive control."[^2]

2. It’s another form of investment.

Whereas wise investments in the stock market or real estate often involve a long-term strategy and represent holdings with actual companies, commodities, or properties, sports betting is short-term and fundamentally based on speculation. It’s certainly possible to make a profit with sports betting, but this doesn’t move it into the same category as traditional investments (stocks, bonds, real estate, mutual funds, etc.).

3. It’s harmless fun.

Although sports betting can be a fun activity for friends and coworkers, the commercialization of sports betting is undeniably leading to financial and familial misery, often falling disproportionately on the most economically precarious households.[^3] A recent edition of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual lists "gambling disorder" in the same category as heroin and opioid addictions. If the calls to states’ gambling problem hotline are any indication, the fact that calls in Virginia climbed 387 percent in the first year after sports betting was legalized should serve as a harrowing example.[^4] Sports betting has been devastating for many individuals and families.

4. It helps to boost the economy.

It is true that sports betting has generated significant tax revenue. This is precisely why since the Supreme Court’s ruling in 2018, so many states have jumped at the opportunity. However, the windfall for states comes at significant social costs. One recent study found that sports betting legalization increased the risk that a household goes bankrupt by 25 to 30 percent, and increased debt delinquency.[^5] The financial gain for states is insignificant when compared to the damage caused to society.

5. It’s not addressed in the Bible.

The Bible is the sole source of authority for Christian faith and practice. Christians who have concluded that God’s Word doesn’t address gambling are denying a series of key principles listed below.

Bible Principles on Sports Betting

1. It violates the command to love your neighbor.

The essence of gambling is fairly simple—one person benefits at the loss of someone else. Enjoying entertainment at the financial expense of others is unloving (Rom. 13:8-10) and directly opposes Jesus' Golden Rule (Matt. 7:12). Furthermore, taking advantage of the poor (though indirectly) is a serious offense before God (Pr. 13:23; 14:31).

2. It undermines a Christian work ethic.

Sports betting is essentially an attempt to gain something for nothing, hoping for easy money rather than pursuing wise investments and diligent labor (Pr. 13:4, 11). God created man in his image and commissioned him to take dominion and participate in creative and restorative endeavors (Gen. 1:27-28). However, sports betting involves neither creativity nor restoration.

3. It is poor stewardship.

Ultimately, we are stewards of God’s resources—our wealth is not our own (Ps. 24:1). Since God has designed us to lay up treasure in heaven, not on earth, we must be wary of dishonorable get-rich-quick schemes that prioritize earthly wealth (Matt. 6:19-21).

4. It feeds discontentment.

For many, sports betting appeals to the love of money, which is the root of all kinds of evil (1 Tim. 6:10). As Christians, we are called to be free from the love of money, to not put our hope in riches, and to be content with the things that we have (1 Tim. 6:17). This is possible because we have Jesus’ ongoing presence with us (Heb. 13:5).

5. It competes for Lordship in our lives

Jesus is very clear that we cannot serve God and money (Matt. 6:24). When a man becomes a slave to sports betting or allows it to take a primary role in his life, it is becoming his master. Sports betting tempts us to trust chance rather than to trust God with our finances. By God’s grace, Christian men must strive “to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share.” (1 Tim. 6:18)

Conclusion

In less than 10 years since the Supreme Court ruling which has led to the legalization of sports betting in many states, we have already seen the onset of an epidemic in our country. The dangers and devastation of sports betting are ravaging marriages and families. Regardless of whether or not your participation results in personal addiction or financial loss, sports betting is hurting real people.

As followers of Christ, we are called to love others, work hard, steward wisely, be content, and serve God, not money. So then, brothers, let’s not settle for risky short-term gains, but set our eyes on long-term heavenly rewards.

[^1]: Source 1; Source 2 [^2]: Source [^3]: Source; Another study shows an even more harrowing harm of gambling legalization—domestic violence. [^4]: Source [^5]: Source

How to Help Your Children Love Reading

Tim Little — Wed, 30 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

A few months ago, a parent wrote to me lamenting that his/her child does not like to read. The parent asked for tips to encourage reading. This email made me reflect upon my own journey. Our children did not always enjoy reading either. It has been a challenge for us as well. We made some mistakes and learned some lessons along the way. Some of our children still are not avid readers. At least not yet. Here are a few tips that have helped us to encourage the life of the mind in our home.

Don’t Start too Soon

I always wanted my children to read while they were young. When my oldest was four years old, I bought Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons and began working through the lessons. Fail!

I am not judging the curriculum; it came recommended by a friend and it worked for them. My son wasn’t ready. Some children are ready to read at the age of four, but our son was not. I learned years later that most children hate reading because they are forced to read before they are developmentally ready. Our oldest did not take to reading until he was 10+. Now he loves reading and reads prolifically without asking. Getting to that point, however, was a bit bumpy. The first lesson I learned was to not start too early.

Read to Your Children

I remember talking to an extended family member who mentioned reading stories to their children. I thought, “I don’t read to my children.” So I started. I don’t remember the first book that we read, but I have read The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Wingfeather Saga, among others, to our children.

Children are used to enjoying stories which they can see (e.g., videos). They have to learn to enjoy stories that they can imagine. I go through seasons of reading stories and listening to stories with my children. Sometimes it is easier to listen to an audiobook while driving to a destination or working on a project. This has a similar effect, but when you read to your children, you also tell your children that you value it. So, pick up a volume and read to your children.

The Goal

Often, parents want their children to read, but they misunderstand the goal. The goal isn’t to get the child to read, the goal is to get the child to want to read. If the child wants to read then the child will read. This principle applies to the Christian life as well. God doesn’t want you to simply obey His law, he wants you to love Him. If you love Him, then you will obey His law (Deut 6:1–9).

We do the things that we love. When we love the wrong things, then we do the wrong things. Affections require training. You are training your child’s affections so that they want to read. Our children often mirror ourselves. Do you like to read? If you don’t like to read, neither will your children. You may need to cultivate this desire to read yourself.

Be honest and tell your children, “We need to be a family who enjoys reading, and that starts with me.” Then tell them some changes that will apply not only to the children, but even to yourself. And when you really don’t want to read, that is the most important time to read. Because by reading when you really don’t want to, you train your affections to love what is right (Prov 4:23).

Training Your Affections

I could feel the tension around the dinner table as I approached our children. They were doing their homework and they hated it. I knew something had to change. Proverbs 1:7 states, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” The child who despises school is on the path of folly. My children hated school which meant they were on the wrong path. How can I direct them onto the correct path?

We made several changes, one of which was a curriculum change. I am not going to get into that decision here, but it was a good move for our family. Second, we created set times when our children had to read. The most regular reading time was Sunday afternoons. Screens were off and they had a quiet time when they could read or sleep. Most of them chose to read. Third, we went to the bookstore and I bought them a volume that interested them. This investment gave them not just a new book, but ownership in reading as well. By having a required reading time and interest in the topic at hand, our children began to enjoy reading (and school).

For a season we gave financial rewards to our children for reading books. A few dollars can go a long way in the life of a child. This isn’t the best motivation, but I believe it can be used to legitimately encourage some children who are particularly dismissive of reading. Your real goal, however, is to cultivate their affections for reading.

Conclusion

Remember the bigger picture. The final goal is not just reading any book; you want your child to enjoy reading the Bible. Read the Bible to your children. Much of the Bible contains stories. Read the stories to them. Let the children read the Bible during a family worship time. Cultivate in them a love, not only for reading, but for reading the Bible.

Teach your children who the Lord is using words (e.g., imagination) not images (e.g., videos, etc.). The Christian God is a God of words, so as Christians, we should love words just like our God revealed Himself through words.

The Lost Art of Biblical Meditation

Cameron Pollock — Tue, 22 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

I recently saw an advertisement from a local business for axe-throwing. I have never had the opportunity to go, but it sounds like a fun, manly activity. I was curious about when it became a “thing,” so I recently read up on the history a little bit.

Axe-throwing has been used for centuries in warfare and hunting, but apparently, it’s the lumberjacks in the early 1800s who turned it into a sport (bless them!). Now, here at the beginning of the 21st century, we have been gifted with a revival of an epic sport we never knew we needed. I’d love to go. Who’s with me?

The revival of the modern art of axe-throwing reminds me of our need for the revival of a lost Christian discipline. It has fallen to the wayside for many Christians but is far more important than tossing around heads of sharpened steel. I am talking about the art of biblical meditation.

An ancient warrior no less than King David of Israel was a man highly skilled in this spiritual discipline. In the book of Psalms, he shows us why believers need to meditate and some ways we can learn this lost spiritual art. Why should we learn this ancient art?

1. God blesses those who meditate.

Here’s the first reason we should meditate—God blesses you with stability and fruitfulness in your spiritual life. The book of Psalms opens with a call to meditation, telling us the blessed man’s “delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night” (Psalm 1:2). God blesses, or shows his favor, to those who carefully consider his Word and its implications for their lives.

Psalm 1 gives us a captivating metaphor to show us how meditation leads to stability and fruitfulness. The blessed man who meditates is “like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:3). God intends for this stability and prosperity to impact in every area of life.

As we lead our homes as godly dads and husbands, our meditation on the Word of God should transform the way we provide for, protect, and direct our families. It should change the way I speak to my wife and my children. It should impact the financial decisions we make, the use of our time, the priority of the local church in our lives, and so much more.

Biblical prosperity does not mean life will automatically become smooth sailing for us or we will suddenly become wealthy. We still live in a fallen and sin-cursed world, and we also know that “all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Timothy 3:12). However, when we soak our minds in the truth of God’s Word, God does promise us joyful prosperity and blessing in Jesus Christ that will never change no matter the trials we face or the losses we experience.

The wisdom of Psalm 1 leads us into the promise of Psalm 2. There God declares he has set his anointed Son, his holy King, firmly on the throne. He had made a promise to bless David’s kingly line and establish his house with an eternal dynasty (2 Samuel 7). Yet, for this to work, David and the kings after him needed to be like the blessed man of Psalm 1. They needed to meditate on God’s Word.

God had commanded each of his kings in Deuteronomy 17:18-20 to write out a copy of the book of the law and read it all the days of their life. In this way, they would learn to humbly fear the Lord by keeping his Word and doing it.

2. Meditation helps us hate sin and love God.

And this brings me to the second reason for why we need to meditate. Meditation leads us to hate sin and love God more. David, with all his successes, also had some major failures. Instead of going out to battle with his army, he grew lazy and stayed home. There he faced sexual temptation, and instead of forsaking it he indulged in it. He loved his sin more than his relationship with God.

The result was spiritual disaster, a fractured kingdom, and a devastated family. He had forgotten the wisdom of Psalm 119:9-11.

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

When we give into temptation and indulge in sin like David, we have chosen to love our sin more than our relationship with God.

Yet here’s the good news—where David failed, Jesus prevailed. In the temptation in the wilderness, we see Jesus, the final son of David and perfect Son of God, resisting Satan’s temptation in the wilderness with nothing but the Word of God. Through the grace of Jesus Christ, we have the power to resist temptation by the Word of God. Jesus has given us his Holy Spirit. And when we team up with the Holy Spirit, when we open the Bible and meditate on its truth, the Holy Spirit illuminates our hearts and renews our minds.

This is what you are called to as a godly husband and father—a life of biblical mediation so you might “be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2). This is how we learn to hate sin and love God more.

And David, with all his failures, still gives us a good example of how to do this in the Psalms. The first two books of the Psalms, from Psalm 1 through Psalm 72, are packed full of David’s meditations on the Word of God. From singing with his sheep to running in the wilderness, from his mighty victories to his humble confessions of sin, David’s life was dominated with a love for God and his Word.

A Practical Starting Point

As guys, we often aren’t as good at communication or expressing ourselves. But you would find great benefit in developing a few habits to help you grow in the spiritual discipline of biblical meditation. Try writing in a journal about what you are learning in Scripture.

Take a favorite Christian song or hymn with rich truth and listen to it multiple times, considering its implications for your life. Talk to your wife and work out a weekend where she can be free to spend a morning with God, and then you can spend a morning with God. Lead your wife and family in the biblical art of meditation, and you will enjoy the prosperity that God provides.

How To Pray For Daughters

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 07:00:00 GMT

import Callout from '@/components/blogPost/Callout.astro'; import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

<Note variant='default'>Author’s Note: View Zach Sparkman’s article on <a href="/how-to-pray-for-sons/" className='underline'>praying for your sons</a>.</Note>

Of all God’s good gifts to me, my daughters are certainly three of the most precious. Don’t get me wrong; I love my sons! But there is something about a daughter…. (Girl dads, you understand.)

When Zach asked me to write a follow-up to his article about praying for sons, a couple of thoughts came to mind. I was reminded of this beautiful scene from Fiddler on the Roof as well as my own prayer cards for my daughters, which are littered with requests for their futures.

However, as I thought more about this topic, I was also convicted that I do not pray for my daughters nearly enough. The words of Samuel are a rebuke.

Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD in ceasing to pray for you; but I will teach you the good and the right way (1 Samuel 12:23).

If, like me, you’re burdened to pray more for your daughters, Ephesians 3:16-19 is a great place to start. I see three requests for my girls from this passage.

Request 1: Inner Strength that Comes through the Spirit

…that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man… (Eph 3:16)

You may think of strength as more of a masculine virtue, but I pray for strong daughters as well! Of course, the most important kind of strength is spiritual strength. This includes…

Resilient joy in the face of adversity
Confidence that God will keep all His promises
Courage to obey despite fear
Determination to see a task finished
Endurance through disappointment, pain, or loss

This kind of strength comes only through the filling of the Spirit (Eph 5:18).

You may be acquainted with a Christian woman who is the strongest person you know. Let's pray for daughters like that.

Request 2: Faith that Draws Her Near to Christ

…that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith… (Eph 3:17a)

Little girls love to “play house.” Older girls enjoy decorating their rooms with stuff that they bought from Hobby Lobby. However, your daughter’s greatest need is for Christ to be at home in her heart. (See also John 5:1-11.) According to Paul, Jesus is at home in our hearts as we walk by faith.

If my daughter trusts God, she’ll obey Him. She will submit to God’s plan for her life even when it’s different from what she had planned. This gets harder the older she gets. What if God’s plan is for her to endure a painful physical condition? What if she loses her friends or, one day, her spouse or a child? Let’s pray that our daughters will walk by faith through those valleys.

Request 3: Peace that Comes from Knowing how Much She Is Loved

…that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge… (Eph 3:17-19a)

It is commonly stated that what men need most is respect/admiration and what women need most is love/security.[^1]

Daddys can help their daughters feel secure by loving them selflessly. However, my daughter’s chief security should flow from her knowledge of Christ’s unconditional love.

Paul says three things about Christ’s love in this passage.

1. Christ’s love is immense.

Paul speaks of the “width and length and depth and height” of Christ’s love for us. It reminds me of a song I learned as a kid when the Pettit team rolled into town. “The love of Jesus is so wonderful… because it’s higher than the mountains; it’s deeper than the oceans; it’s wider than the universe….” My daughter should marvel at God’s love as if she were standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon or staring up into the Milky Way.

Of course, the love of Christ is manifest in His death for us on the cross.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom 5:8).

2. Christ’s love passes knowledge.

Christ’s love for my daughter is not like a math lesson she learns on Wednesday and then knows that fact. God loves her so much that she could study His love for a lifetime and still not fully comprehend it.

3. Christ’s love is grounding.

Speaking of v. 17, commentator Peter O’Brien says that God’s love for believers is “the soil in which [they] are rooted” and “the foundation upon which they are built.”[^2]

Your daughter’s sense of her daddy’s love provides stability, but her sense of God’s love is her ultimate stabilizing force. Her daddy’s love helps show her what God is like, but Christ’s love grounds her daddy himself! Let’s pray for our daughters to be at peace, knowing how much they are loved.

Dad’s, let’s recommit to praying for our daughters—that they would flourish in God’s love for them.

[^1]: Ephesians 5:22–33 teaches how husbands and wives should serve one another by providing these things. [^2]: Peter Thomas O’Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1999), 260.

How To Pray For Sons

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 01 Oct 2024 07:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

<Note variant='default'>Author’s Note: View Kristopher Schaal’s article on <a href="/how-to-pray-for-daughters/" className='underline'>praying for your daughters</a>.</Note>

Hudson Taylor is known as one of the great missionaries of Christianity, but during his teenage years, no one would have guessed that he was destined for the mission field. He found a job in the banking industry and learned to love money and mock spiritual things. How did this arrogant young man sense the Lord’s call to salvation? Largely due to his praying mother, Amelia.

One day in particular, when Hudson was 17, his mother felt a strong burden to pray fervently for her son’s salvation. She prayed for hours in her room until she had an assurance that her prayer was answered. At that same time, Hudson was back at home meandering through his father’s library. He found a small tract entitled, “Poor Richard”, which communicated his need of salvation in the finished work of Christ. He placed his faith in Jesus that very day.

Godly parenting includes praying for the growth of our children. What should our requests be when we pray for our children? I’d like to use 1 Chronicles 28:9-10 as a guide for our prayers, specifically our prayers for our boys. No, this is not a passage about prayer, but the things David says to his son Solomon make excellent prayer requests. Certainly, these things apply to young ladies as well, but these requests are especially appropriate in praying for your son(s).

In 1 Chronicles 28, David publicly charges his son Solomon with the important job of building the Temple. David specifically called Solomon to do three things in verses 9-10:

And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever. Be careful now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong and do it.

From these two verses, we can use David’s instructions to his son as a prayer guide for our own sons. There are three requests in this passage:

1. Know the God of your father.

This first prayer request has three applications. More than anything else in the world, we want our boys to know God personally. This means they come to faith in Jesus and trust Him as their Savior. Our prayer for them begins with having a personal relationship with God.

But this goes deeper than that. To know God intimately is the greatest delight for any person, and it is a privilege to draw near to God (James. 4:8). Our boys’ highest calling is to walk with the Lord their God and have a deep, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

There is an interesting little add-on that David slipped in. He said to Solomon, “know the God of your father”. We can and should pray that our children know God personally and intimately, but we must realize that our own walk with the Lord will have a tremendous, immeasurable impact on their hearts. In a way, we can be part of God’s answer to our own prayer if we seek to know God and walk with Him. Therefore, in addition to praying for their relationship with Jesus to deepen, we should pray for our own walk with God to be consistent and strong so that we can model Christlikeness for our sons.

2. Serve him with a whole heart and willing mind.

Next, David exhorted Solomon to serve God, which pairs nicely with the first prayer request. To know God and serve God is wonderful personal mission statement!

Serving is an action word which puts faith into practice. It calls us to sacrifice for the benefit of others, just like Jesus did not come to earth “to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45) As fathers, our hearts burst with pride when we see our sons kindly serving others around them.

To serve requires us to humbly recognize that we do not call our own shots—we are under someone else’s authority. How many boys and young men need to learn to submit their hearts to the Lord’s authority? Let’s pray that our young men submit to the Lord and serve Him.

Notice how Solomon should serve God: with a whole heart and willing mind. A whole heart calls for a single-minded devotion to God and his ways. As Jesus said, “no one can serve two masters.” (Matt. 6:24) A willing mind implies that this is something that our sons choose to do of their own volition. This paints a picture of a son who eagerly, joyfully, and completely follows after the Lord his God. No father can choose this for their sons; we teach, encourage and correct, but ultimately God must capture their hearts. Pray that your sons serve God with every part of their being because they want to, not because they have to.

3. Be strong and do what God calls you to do.

Finally, David closed his charge with a call to “get the job done”—be strong and do it. This does not mean physical strength, but spiritual strength. Samson showed everyone what physical strength without spiritual strength leads to, and we don’t want our boys to use their physical power to pursue their own pleasures. Instead, we pray that our sons have spiritual strength to embrace God’s calling on their life and live for Him.

To do this, boys must learn to take responsibility. Adam failed to take responsibility for sin entering the world, choosing instead to blame his wife and point his finger back at God. Since then, the temptation for boys (and men) is to blame shift instead of embracing responsibility.

We can pray that our young men learn biblical courage, which is the ability to face fear by leaning on the Lord’s strength. A courageous person lives for Jesus in spite of obstacles. Scripture shows us that a man who knows God and has given himself to serve God can have a mighty impact for the Lord, so pray for your sons to be strong and courageous.

Conclusion

We all could pray more frequently, more fervently, and more faithfully. This charge from David equips us to exercise the important parental tool of praying for our sons. May God raise up young men who know God, serve him willingly, and courageously act for His cause!

Board Games To Help Dads

Clay Gibbons — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 07:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

The Importance of Play

Yesterday, while I was distractedly kicking a ball with my three year old, he said to me, "Daddy, put down your phone and play with me!" Ouch...my priorities were instantly revealed. He was not content with half of my attention, nor should he be. For a three year old, play is the most important activity of the day, easily outranking books, bath-time and meals. He is happiest when he plays with others and especially with me.

There is something sweet and memorable about the times when dads devote time to play with their children. It builds and strengthens the relationship so, when we later seek to teach, they are more likely to hear. Play is important because lowering ourselves to play, sometimes at carpet level, is becoming a servant. We set aside our agenda and show them affection by attending to their priorities.

Board Games to help

As a father, one of my favorite ways to initiate play together as a family is through board games. The English weather is not accommodating to outdoor activities so we must be creative with extra indoor activities over winter. And games can actually be helpful discipleship tools.

You teach your children to lose graciously (c'mon dads) or to win humbly (this is happening more and more), communicate well, laugh, smile and enjoy wholesome fun together. All good things that create memories and teachable moments. Over the years we have gathered a collection of games for all occasions. Our children can predict which game we bring out based on who is visiting with us. Here are our well-played favorites that may be not as well known.

Telestrations

We love this light-hearted game; you might guess from the name, it is a combination of telephone and illustrations. You quickly sketch out a clue, the next person guesses the sketch by silently writing in the booklet, and the next person draws their guess. After your booklet goes around the table, each player takes turns narrating the decline of their original drawing/clue through its evolutions to the end result. It is quality fun.

There is no winner or loser, everyone just enjoys the process. Our children always ask to play this game when we have another family visiting with us. It fosters great interactions; children often compliment the other illustrations and laugh at the guesses. We always laugh a lot with this game. It is a family favorite.

<Note variant='default'>Good for: groups with 8-12 players, all ages (especially 4-12), family and friends</Note>

Herd Mentality

This is another great, light-hearted game for laughs and interactions, especially if you are with another family. It also works well for mixed ages. In this game you answer opinion questions on your slip of paper and then compare your answers to the group led by a moderator.

When you tally the responses, if you are in the herd (the majority opinion) you score a point. If you are in the minority, no point. If you are the only person who gave a unique answer, you get the pink cow (which means you cannot win until someone else takes the cow from you)! Take that, expressive individualism! We love to play this game as we are getting to know other families, it is always good for a surprise and a laugh. We have played it dozens of times.

<Note variant='default'>Good for: groups 5-20, ages 5 and up, family and friends</Note>

Memoir 44

In this game you recreate epic battles of World War 2 through guiding your troops across the hex tile terrain. This game requires about 1 - 1.5 hrs to set up and play. Strategic with some luck involved, it is a game that is quickly grasped. This is my son's favorite game, particularly over the holidays when we might have more of an extended time to play. It also has a fair amount of historical value when you play through the scenarios.

<Note variant='default'>Good for: 2 players, strategy loving kids, ages 8 and up</Note>

Magic Maze

This is a challenging cooperative game. If you went to measure your family's ability to work well as a team, this could be a metric. The concept is strange but simple: you have four heroes who need to grab their corresponding weapons in a shopping mall. Your team must guide them and help them exit the complex before their time expires. Everyone has an individual ability and direction they can move a hero.

Here is the kicker, you must accomplish this without talking. You would think it would make for a quiet night, but there are interludes when you can give instructions to each other. It is challenging to work well together. Our family hasn't made it past level 3.

<Note variant='default'>Good for: families, 8 and up, light strategy, cooperative, teamwork discussions</Note>

Colt Express

This is a unique light-hearted strategy game. You play as bandits on a train or later as the Marshall attempting to catch them. In each turn there are two phases; you plan and then execute your actions. While you lay out your actions cards in the planning phase, you sometimes can see the other players actions which influence your choices. It is great fun to play back all the cards and see the actions executed. There are lots of laughs and some fun strategy ideas.

<Note variant='default'>Good for: families, 8 and up, light-hearted strategy</Note>

Carcassonne

This is the best beginner strategy game we have played. In this game you use the tiles to build structures and gain points. There is an element of chance as you don't know what tile you will draw but knowing where to place the tile and your “meeple” is the real key. Our children love to play; it is fun to see your structures grow and anticipate what tiles are left. It stretches them to plan for the end game and to make critical judgments, there are few occasions where you can block other players.

<Note variant='default'>Good for: families, 6 and up, light strategy, kingdom-building, competitive</Note>

Cobra Paw

If you have some children who seem to never win the thinking and planning type strategy games, this game might be a good alternative. Cobra Paw is a fun game that usually gets competitive and is quick and easy to play. I am reluctant to mention it on this list because it is one game that I have never won. My children always win. You roll special dice and then grab the corresponding tile from the pool. There are no turns; it is a game of speed. You must be first to recognize the combination and grab it from the pool. While other games challenge our minds this is a game of speed and reactions.

<Note variant='default'>Good for: families, up to 6 players, quick 15 min games, speed and skill</Note>

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The Greatest Gift My Father Gave Me

Kyle Grant — Tue, 17 Sep 2024 07:00:00 GMT

One of the greatest gifts my father ever gave me was the treasure of Proverbs. He challenged my older brother and I to read the book ten times over the summer and be ready to discuss it when school started up again, which would’ve been my brother’s junior and my sophomore year of high school. The words of wisdom and warnings of folly regularly ring in my heart because of my father’s intentional wisdom to immerse us in the book.

Proverbs helpfully addresses significant specific topics, true friendship, hard work, the pursuit of a spouse, wise speech, foolish sexuality, and beyond. It’s immensely practical and life-giving but foreboding and enigmatic. Yet in its most basic form, it's a parenting book, and even more specifically, it’s a book on fatherhood. It is powerful paternal poetry.

The phrase “my son” or a similar phrase appears approximately 25 times in the book. The paternal instruction is primarily given by Solomon, but not exclusively. The book aims to make little children into wise adults. We should live in this book, for by it, our children may live.

Important Clarification

Bear in mind this is wisdom literature not didactic doctrine. Therefore, we should read Proverbs as probabilities not promises. This doesn’t mean Proverbs is a lesser tier of Scripture, merely different in genre and intent.

I have been asked, usually related to the discipline passages (Prov. 13:24; 22:15; 29:15 eg.), if this doesn’t guarantee success, is applying Proverbs necessary or even relevant? Counter question, if this is God’s wisdom to you, why would you want to do it any other way? If this is God’s wisdom to us it is our folly to reject it.

Instructional Parents

Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, (Proverbs 1:8)

Note the roles in the verse. The son is the listener and mom and dad are apparently giving instruction worthy of attention. This means fundamentally that a wise home is characterized by teachable children and teaching parents.

Let’s talk teaching. Are you teaching your little ones, or merely telling? Teaching here involves the why and basis for the wisdom (note the preceding verses 1-7). Telling is concerned with the command and result, but teaching is concerned with the command and motivation. Wise parents are teaching parents.

How then do we teach this wisdom? To teach the wisdom of God we must teach them the Word of God.

Can I give you two categories for teaching the Word in your home? In your teaching be:

Organized: This means you have a relatively consistent time of family worship or Biblical teaching time in the life and schedule of your home.
Organic: This is working the Scriptures into everyday life and mundane situations.

Family worship (organized teaching) is one of the highs of our home. We have it around the breakfast table and throughout the week we memorize Scripture, sing, or laugh at my terrible theological artwork. For family worship remember three “R’s.” Keep it relaxed. Stay lighthearted and try to make it fun. Keep it repeatable. Do something easy for your schedule. And keep it realistic. A thirty-minute exposition is not the goal. Bear in mind your children’s understanding and everyone’s patience. If you read one verse a day and pray, praise God!

Organic Bible teaching is naturally infusing the Word into mundane moments. Instead of saying “hey stop fighting!” it’s “no murmuring or disputing” (Php. 2:14-15). When our children inevitably fight over the same toy, try “are you considering the other more important than yourself right now?” (Php. 2:4-5) rather than “who had it first?” Or you can build biblical principles into the language of your home. Rather than quoting Ephesians 6:1-2 to our kids (though we do sometimes) we say, or make them say, “obedience is right and obedience is safe.” Use Biblical language in normal communication.

To be a parent is to be a teacher. Have times of both organized and organic Biblical learning in your home. This isn’t novel stuff, but simple steps in accomplishing a miraculous source in the life of our children, cultivating the Word of God to keep them walking in the wisdom of God.

Beautiful Children

for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck. (Proverbs 1:9)

There are several ideas about the images here of “garland” and “pendant.” I’ll give two views. First, the idea is that God’s wisdom produces children who are lovely in character and attractive in nature like jewelry is lovely on the body. In other words God’s wisdom makes beautiful little ones. Of this there is no doubt. We have all been around children who are ugly in nature. They uglify the tone, the room, and the moods of everyone around them. Contrast this with a child who smiles, looks adults in the eyes, and generally does what is told. It is a beautiful sight.

Another idea is that the garland and the pendant correspond to the teaching given in verse 8. The garland is instructing the mind as it is an ornament of the head, and the pendant is near the heart, therefore it’s more appealing to the heart. What a sweet concept, that Biblical wisdom both informs the mind and affects the heart.

I believe the poetry allows both as valid applications of the verse, for both are certainly true. When God’s wisdom is taught it grows a child intellectually, moves the child affectionately, and beautifies the child spiritually.

Teaching the wisdom of God to your children will transform them into the likeness of the most beautiful Son, the wisdom of God made flesh (1 Cor. 1:24). If we want the beauty of Jesus in our home we must instruct God’s wisdom in order to be transformed into the Wisdom of God.

I told you of my father’s love and wisdom in teaching these treasures of the Word. This teaching never leaves us. Proverbs 1:8-9 is the first passage I taught my little boy. He was one-and-a-half when he learned it. If you want your child’s heart, teach them, and share with them yours (Prov. 23:26).

May God strengthen us to instruct, that our little ones learn the way of wisdom, and that by it they may live.

Fatherhood: A Gospel Strategy

Brett Stowe — Tue, 10 Sep 2024 07:00:00 GMT

My family has the privilege of serving the Church in the country of South Africa. We have been here for five years and we have experienced a country of unlimited beauty, extreme diversity, and incredible opportunity. The work of the Gospel is going forth here, but it is met with many challenges.

One of the challenges to seeing deep-rooted Gospel impact in this country is the lack of fathers in the home. Most children do not have a father to guide and direct them in life. Many of these children do not even know their father. This provides a great obstacle to seeing the Gospel have a long-standing impact from one generation to the next. It is estimated that 6 out of 10 children do not live with their father in South Africa with some demographic groups being as high as 7 out of 10.[^1] This is not the way that God intended His creative order to work; and yet, this is a challenge that the Church faces today.

My goal for this article is to provide a motivation for men to embrace their role as fathers as an effective and crucial strategy for seeing the Gospel take root in their children and the generations beyond them.

Fatherhood Allows Us to Teach the Gospel

One of the greatest benefits of parenting is the privilege to nurture and train our children in the truths of the Christian faith. We are given the responsibility of shaping their worldview and immersing their growing minds in the Scriptures. Beyond the privilege of parenting, God has designed the role of the father to lead in this training initiative. Ephesians 6:4 encourages fathers to “not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (ESV).”

Clinton Arnold writes, “Fathers have the ultimate responsibility of raising their children in such a way that they will be trained in understanding the essence of the Christian faith and that they will be instructed and admonished on how to live this out.”[^2] At the core of our responsibility to train our children in the “essence of the Christian faith” is the responsibility to teach the Gospel. The Gospel is the only way in which our children will truly embrace the Christian faith as well as grow in their understanding of it.

Fatherhood Allows Us to Demonstrate Sanctification

The Christian life is full of ups and downs. Although every father is progressively growing in sanctification, trials, hardships, and sin are a constant challenge and struggle. It is tempting to try and shield our children from these challenges.

As a father, we desire to provide and protect our children, but it is also our responsibility to equip them for a lifetime of walking with the Lord. One way in which we do this is to allow them to see us during the high points of spiritual victory as well as the low points of sin and struggle. By our testimony, our children are able to see how we respond when tempted by sin. Our children are able to witness how we respond to our wives when a challenging circumstance comes our way.

They will remember how often, or not, we came to them and asked forgiveness when we had done wrong. It is not always easy, but fatherhood provides our children with a front row seat to see and learn from our own sanctification process.

Fatherhood Allows Us to Make Disciples

In Matthew 28:19-20, we see the command to make disciples of all nations. This passage is used often in the church to stir us towards Great Commission advance. We read this text and immediately think of the nations (as we should). But could it be that one of the greatest ways in which we can make disciples of the nations is to first make disciples of our children.

Fathers, we must see our children as our first-priority disciples. We may be mentoring some people in our church for 1 or 2 hours a week, but we have our children for much longer than that. God’s design for the family presents an environment where disciple-making can flourish, but fathers must be intentional in this ministry opportunity. Discipleship does not happen by chance; therefore, we must be intentional in using our God-given role of fatherhood as an opportunity for discipleship.

Conclusion

So what is our conclusion? We should embrace fatherhood as a platform that God has provided us for Gospel ministry. We have a short window in our children’s lives to impact them for eternity, but what an awesome opportunity it is. Don’t waste this opportunity!

Deuteronomy 6:7 provides us with one of the best strategies for Gospel impact in our homes, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise (ESV).” Fathers, the best strategy for multi-generational impact in the family is always fathers teaching their children. And the best time to do this is, ALWAYS.

So, embrace this Gospel-advancing role that God has given you and do it with all your might until Jesus comes. While my prayer is that God would raise up many pastors, missionaries, Christian educators, and Gospel laborers in Africa, even more so, I pray that God would raise up a whole army of Gospel-focused fathers throughout this land who take their responsibility seriously and carry it out joyfully for the glory of God!

[^1]: Father's Day reflection: SA's crisis of fatherlessness linked to social challenges [^2]: Clinton E. Arnold, Ephesians, Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2010), Perlego.

Teach Your Children The Scriptures Series Review

Chris Lynch — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 07:00:00 GMT

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One of our strongest motivations here at Growing Fathers is to equip other young dads to lead their families in connection with the Word of God. Thankfully, the number of quality resources for family worship and Bible study is rapidly expanding these days, and we enjoy the opportunity to direct you to some of them. Several weeks ago, Kris Schaal posted a book review on Kevin DeYoung’s The Biggest Story Bible Storybook, and I heartily second his recommendation! I have used that resource with my own children.

However, my kids are now 10 and almost 12 and are rapidly outgrowing the picture storybook phase. I began searching for something with a bit more depth – moving beyond the vital basics and adding some more mature layers to their understanding of Bible truth. I was thankful to find this wonderful new series by Joel Beeke and Nick Thompson. The Teach Your Children the Scriptures series is ideal in both content and approach for those who are looking for a family worship guide that masterfully fits that gap between young children and teens.

The Authors

Joel Beeke is a well-known author, sought-after speaker, and faithful pastor. He has served in various seminary teaching and administrative roles for 30 years. Nick Thompson is a young pastor at a church in Chattanooga, TN.

The Basics

This series currently consists of two volumes and covers the Pentateuch, or first five books of the Bible. The first volume, titled Beginning, walks your family through the Book of Genesis in 92 individual daily lessons. The second volume, Wilderness, uses 88 lessons to guide your family through Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy, filling out the story of Israel’s birth as a nation and God’s introduction of himself to his people.

Each lesson includes the following features:

Questions to ask your family that review the main points of the previous lesson
A Scripture passage to read together (usually 10-20 verses or so)
Discussion questions to gauge your children’s understanding of the passage just read
A brief but comprehensive “Reflect” portion to read together that expounds on the truth of the passage
Questions that help your family apply that truth to your thinking and actions
Ideas for closing prayer reflecting on what you have studied

In our home we concluded the Genesis study at the end of the last school year and are just starting the second volume. Here are just some of the features of this series that have been a blessing to us and equipping for me as I strive to deepen my kids’ love for and understanding of God’s Word.

Scripture-Centric

I have used several effective Study Bibles or guides throughout our children’s lives. Most of them provide summaries of Bible truth and are accompanied by helpful illustrations. Summary and visual aids are immensely effective (and I would argue even vital) to children’s understanding and retention. The big-picture approach to many of these resources is also helpful in teaching kids that the Bible isn’t a collection of individual stories, but rather one big amazing story of God’s love and plan.

However, as our children grow older, they need more than summary and colorful illustrations. They need to actually look at the pages of Scripture themselves and understand what they are reading. Each lesson takes your family to a particular passage and has you read it before explaining or expounding on it. Each morning, I have one of my children read it aloud. Tying truths we are learning to the actual words of God in the Scriptures is extremely important as our children grow spiritually. This series does a great job making that connection clear. There is even an appendix featuring some ideas for Scripture memory.

Discussion-Centric

As they grow, our children need to be trained to put their thinking caps on when they encounter God’s Word. Early on we train them simply to listen and take in the simple truths we are teaching them. But their learning process must develop reasoning skills, analytical thinking, and the wisdom to apply what they hear. This is part of what we are called to as we “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Each lesson in this series includes at least 7-8 total questions to ask your family. These questions are designed to review, ensure understanding of the passage, and help think through the truths we discover there.

Some questions are simple observation questions with straightforward answers; for example, “What did Pharaoh command the Israelite midwives to do [in Exodus 1], and what did they actually do?” Others require more timeless insight to answer; for example, “What are some ways God uses persecution for the good of his people?” Involving our growing children in verbal participation will aid retention and also develop skills they will need to benefit from the Bible in their own study.

Gospel-Centric

The whole Bible is the story of God bringing himself glory through the redemption of the people he created, despite their rebellion against him. And at the centerpiece of that story is Jesus! The gospel the good news - what Jesus accomplished to deliver us from sin and reconcile us to God again. The arc of the story that happens before Jesus points forward to him, and what comes after Jesus points back to him.

This is perhaps the biggest strength of this series. In the central “reflect” portion of each lesson, the authors constantly detail that what is happening early in these Old Testament accounts points to Jesus, foreshadows Jesus, or reminds us of what Jesus would come to do. This series lifts up Jesus Christ as our ultimate deliverer, helper, example, and hope in clear, powerful, comprehensive ways. The centrality of Jesus in all of Scripture is one of the greatest realities we can teach our children at this early stage of their spiritual development. This series is such a fantastic help with that.

Concluding Thoughts

Note that the series is written from a reformed theological viewpoint, though I feel the authors have done a good job appealing to a broader audience and not pushing theological perspectives to which others may not adhere. You will on rare occasions interact with the authors’ views on things like the Sabbath and infant baptism. But again, those instances are isolated and not pushed.

I don’t know if the authors did this intentionally, but the fact that their series begins with these five foundational books of the Bible is wonderful. As I’ve posted on Growing Fathers before, these beginning portions of Scripture are especially pertinent for young believing minds just beginning to grow in their faith.

I can’t think of a better place to begin digging deeper in your family worship than in the Pentateuch, and I’m not aware of a better guide to the Pentateuch designed for the late-elementary age child than this series. I highly recommend it for your family as your worship, learn, and grow together daily!

Should I Send My Child To A Christian Camp?

Clay Gibbons — Tue, 27 Aug 2024 07:00:00 GMT

We just finished a week at our summer camp in lush and surprisingly sunny Wales and I was reminded of all the great benefits of Christian camp for young people.

Good fun

Summer can be a challenging time for parents. We want to keep the children occupied with good, edifying activities and also give them rest and variety. Extended free time at home over summer usually leads to trouble. Too much screen time, sibling wrestling matches, and cries of "I'm bored!" are too familiar.

Comparatively, Christian camps give an abundance of activities. This past week, our sons and daughter climbed a mountain, swam in a mountain stream, went to a trampoline park inside a cave, hunted costumed staff in a beachside town, and caught crabs on a beach. Far from a mundane week! These adventures stretch, challenge, and grow young people.

The Lord can use these shared experiences with other campers and counselors to knit hearts together and break down social barriers that keep children from opening their hearts to someone when opening God’s Word.

Godly friends

In our increasingly secular and anti-Christian culture, young people feel alone. They might be the only one in their year at school who regularly attends church. They might be alone in saying that they believe God created the world or in refusing to go along with sinful activity among classmates. Or maybe they are homeschooled and have few peers at church.

Imagine the delight when they are introduced to a dozen other young people who are also striving to know and live for Jesus. There is an instant encouragement and character sharpening. Throughout the week they share and grow in comradery. They learn at a young age that Jesus is building his church and they dive into God's Word together. By the time the week ends, they have made friendships that they won't forget and may continue for decades to come!

A Feast of God's Word

God often uses his Word powerfully at camp and there is usually an abundance of it! Most Christian camps have at least one message a day and a time of Bible study. From a scheduling point of view, that can be more than two hours a day in God's Word.

Additionally, the preaching is clear and focused on the gospel, calling young people to repent and believe. Since the audience is similar in life experience, it can allow for specific and targeted application and explanation of God's Word. In my experience, the Lord used the preaching at camp memorably in my own life. We saw this in our camp this week. The Lord used his Word strongly to convict of sin and the young people's need of Jesus.

A Change of Scene

The uniqueness of a camp setting can sometimes open hearts to receive the Word of God. For our camp it is such a shift for the young people, most of whom live in urban or suburban London. Quite the shock to be transported over a few hours to the countryside and live for a week in a tent! This new arrangement helps them to hear everything as new, or at least renewed.

For some young people, they are normally closed off in Bible study or when listening to the preaching of the scriptures, but at camp they are willing to give it a go. They often open up and disclose struggles and difficulties that normally they would have suppressed. Furthermore, adults are dedicated to the children all week and have time to hear the issues a child may be facing. A new, trusted tent leader may just be the person a child needs to confide in.

Fewer Distractions

Young people today have it difficult. The atmosphere in schools can be toxic. For many, social media is ubiquitous and oppressive. Others come from difficult homes or homes that are built around school, sports or money. When you include the separation from their phones, we joyously eliminate many distractions that steal their hearts away. There is more time and attention given to God and his Word.

Godly examples

Our camp often features the testimony of young people who are in university or just beginning careers. These staff members sacrifice a week of their holiday time to come and serve at camp as volunteers. They come to serve and encourage the young people by their actions and even more powerfully, their example.

What an encouragement for the teenagers at camp to see young adults (and older adults) who are indeed living for Jesus! They have worked through the difficulties of adolescence and have gained that wisdom and are still living for Jesus. As I spoke to the campers this past week, it was the testimony of the staff that was often cited as the most encouraging aspect of camp.

God's creation

Camps usually take place outside in God's wonderful creation. This past week we were blessed with amazing weather in a vibrant, green, mountainous Wales. One of the highlights for me and the campers was a particularly clear night spent under the stars. It was the middle of the week and we offered the young people who were interested a night bivouacking atop a small mountain.

Many eagerly accepted and in the late evening we carried our gear to our camping spot, had songs and testimonies around a fire, and then crawled into our sleeping bags to enjoy God's celestial handiwork. It was a clear night with little light pollution and we witnessed the constellations and shooting stars swirl around us until the wee hours of the morning. It reminded us of God's wisdom and immensity which all humanity has been witnessing from Adam to David the shepherd to the apostle Paul to our modern day.

What a beautiful reminder of our God's greatness and our own unworthiness. Camp often provides these close-up revelations of God through the wonder of his creation.

Dependence on the Lord

For many young people and parents, a Christian camp is the first extended time a child is away from home. This week my eldest son is going off to another camp alone. I already can feel the anxiety building as I consider whether or not he is going to be okay. It is a wake-up call to the stewardship of parenting.

Children belong to us as parents for such a short time and soon they will be away from us for longer and longer periods. They belong to the Lord and He can watch over them. So I have already begun to ask the Lord to guard and grow my son during his camp week, without His blessing all is in vain.

As we close out the summer, most Christian camps are in the last week if not already finished. Autumn is just around the corner and then Christmas and the blur of many activities. Yet, sometime in the next several months Christian camps will begin advertising for the next summer. It might be good to find one to send your child to, or to support, or to go as a volunteer.

The Lord can use these camps like a spiritual greenhouse. The combination of an abundance of God’s Word, godly friendships, godly examples, God’s creation and less distractions make for a great week in the life of a young believer. God will use it for His glory and his Word will not return void.

A Lesson From Solomon On Love

Tim Little — Mon, 19 Aug 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Love. It is everywhere. For the world, sex sells, but for the Christian market, well, we will just have to settle for love. There is one place, however, I would rather not see love, in the heart of my son/daughter. Now, to clarify, I’m not talking about the “Love the Lord your God,” or the “Love your brother as yourself” kind of love. We could use a lot more of those kinds of love. Affectionate love for one’s parents. Sure. Brotherly love for a close friend. Definitely. Agape love for the Lord. Foundational! Eros for a boy/girl? Nope!

The Bible, presumably, doesn’t have a lot to say about love. Yes, there are some commands about sexual sin, and Proverbs repeatedly exhorts the young man not to be ensnared by Dame Folly. But those passages refer to sexual sin, not love. If we want to learn what God has to say about romantic love, then we need to turn to the book of the Bible where God talks about it directly—The Song of Solomon.

We need to teach our children unashamedly, the theology of the Song of Solomon. While many believe Song of Solomon should be studied only by married couples, scholars have long contended that the primary audience of the Song of Solomon is single virgin girls.[^1] Single young ladies (virgins) appear in Song 1:3 and single young men (companions) in Song 8:13. Song of Solomon begins and ends with exhortations to the unmarried and cultivates their affections to begin love according to the way God designed it. The daughters of Jerusalem (unmarried young women) appear seven times, and four times they are exhorted to do something.

The Song exhorts the daughters of Jerusalem three times, “do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (Song 2:7; 3:5; 8:4). The world tells our children, “Love is great! Fall in love! The earlier the better because you can enjoy it more!” Song 8:6–7 teaches that marital love should be a permanently lit fire, but when young people play with this kind of fire, someone gets burned. While other Bible passages teach our children, “Don’t have sex outside of marriage,” the Song teaches our children, “Don’t even awaken love.” If our children don’t even awaken love, then it is likely they won’t make love.

Something inside of our children yearns for love. The world and Christian subculture feeds on this embedded desire and leads our children astray. Four guidelines can help our children resist the fleshly impulses of love and prepare for marriage: (1) A proper understanding of the affections, (2) Starting early, (3) Cultivating a culture, and (4) Understanding kissing.

Understanding the Affections

The greatest commandment of all is to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength (Deut 6:4–5; Matt 22:36–40; Mark 12:28–31; Luke 10:25–28). How can God command an emotion? We do the things that we love. Internal desires manifest themselves through external actions. As parents, we must focus on changing, not the external actions of our children, but their internal desires. We, like God, should command our children to love the Lord.

External actions and internal desires, however, have a reciprocal relationship. If my child loves something that God hates (e.g., immorality), then I should modify the child’s external influences (e.g., entertainment) and encourage different external influences (e.g., church involvement). Allowing a child to ingest sexually suggestive media will not help my child kill the fleshly immoral desires in the child’s heart.

At the same time, regulating only the external influences of our children falls short of the goal. The child must not only put off worldly external works but also worldly internal desires. Furthermore, the child must not only do spirit-filled external works but also desire spirit-filled internal influences (Eph 4:20–24). By helping a child remove worldly junk from his/her heart (which manifests itself in one’s behavior), I provide more space in the child’s heart for the Spirit of God to work through the Word. Bottom line—the Spirit doesn’t have much room to work when He is being choked out by the worldly influences.

We underestimate our influence in our children’s lives. Our children tend to love the things that we love. I can help shape my child’s loves through my example and intentionally encouraging/discouraging specific behaviors. By regulating entertainment preferences and requiring Bible time (family worship, personal devotions, church attendance, ministry service, etc.) we encourage our children to love God the most. If a child, however, persistently refuses to love God the most, then remember that there is a reason Deut 7 follows Deut 6–devote their idol to destruction.

A person’s love for God provides a pattern for how to handle all other loves, including romantic love. When your son meditates on the law of the Lord, he matures into a steadfast, productive tree (Psa 1), but when he meditates on Jane Doe’s beauty, the stellar time they had together at youth group, or what he is going to say to her at church, your son is awakening love for Jane. Your son is cultivating an affection for Jane which the Song of Songs teaches will likely lead to pain (Song 8:6–7). You need to teach your son what to do with those thoughts—he needs to devote them to destruction.

Start Young

I sat on the couch next to my daughter watching a Disney movie. This presumably innocent movie was defining love for my daughter. It was teaching her what “the good life” was. The little girl in the movie had these feelings, and these feelings were “good.” My daughter watched with rapt attention—and she was only four years old. After I settled myself down, I had a conversation with her about the awakening of love and how the character in the movie was stirring up something that God designed to let sleep for a very long time.

Start young. Very young. You will not be able to shield them from the world’s false theology of love. It is everywhere, even embedded in the Christian subculture. A friend was reading a Christian novel to his 6 & 9 year old children. The main character in the book developed a romantic interest with another character. One of his children responded, “Dad, this is that awakening love stuff.” It provided a teaching opportunity for the parent. You won’t be able to shield your children from our world’s or Christian subculture’s false theology of love. Start early and seize opportunities when the world teaches the false view of love to reinforce God’s teaching concerning love.

Cultivate a Culture

Talking to your children about love is more than a talk, it is a culture. Begin young and regularly remind your children of God’s teaching concerning love. We tell our children that when they are ready for marriage, we will talk to them and provide guidance concerning potential interests. As ideal as this is, we cannot keep our children from liking individuals. But we can encourage them not to foster those thoughts and feelings. We can discourage and even say no to exclusive relationships. We can encourage friendships with many Christians of the opposite sex. Our children can let love sleep, but we must first believe they can. We must believe the charge of Song 2:7; 3:5; 8:4. If we don’t believe it, then our children won’t believe it either.

The world and Christian subculture tell us that youthful romances are simply inevitable. For example, Zachary Wagner, writing as a Christian, states, “Forbidding adolescent romance has never been an effective strategy.”[^2] We have higher hopes for the next generation. Just like our children can choose to love God, they can also choose not to fall in love. Furthermore, by learning not to awaken love, our children are better prepared to terminate a toxic relationship, kill extramarital affections, and awaken love in marriage when it has grown cold (Song 8:5).

One young woman never talked about her crushes, and her friend asked her who she had a crush on. She responded, “I’ve never had a crush on someone.” Her incredulous friend responded, “How is that even possible?” She explained, “I choose not to fall in love. I have never had a crush and don’t plan to anytime soon.” This is a real story. Her parents cultivated a culture for how to deal with feelings for a young man—you devote those feelings to destruction.

Kissing

Teach your children the wisdom of saving their first kiss for their wedding day. Why? Because the romantic kiss is a synecdoche (a part for the whole) for the sexual relationship which shouldn’t begin until after they say, “I do.” In Song 4:11 and 7:9, one person is tasting the inside of another person’s mouth. Song 4 and 7 are the two most sexual parts of the Song of Solomon. In Song 8:1, the wife laments the inability to kiss her husband in public because the public would despise her. Even in the ancient world, the romantic kiss was considered an inappropriate public display of affection.

We innately know this, but we have been deceived by the world and the Christian subculture has bought into it. If our children kiss, the likelihood of them remaining sexually pure before marriage decreases substantially. Consider the words of Lauren Winner, “What’s compelling about the no-kissing rule is its clarity. It is very, very clear. It admits no gray area. If you’re not even smooching, you’re unlikely to find yourself sliding down a slippery slope to sex itself. There is something decidedly un-natural about sparking desire and then arresting it, night after night. To refrain from kissing is to avoid not only temptation, but also the odd shocks, fits, and starts of interrupted desire.” Winner is unfamiliar with the Song of Solomon but affirms the folly of awakening love. When our children make-out, they are literally preparing their bodies for a sexual experience, an experience they have to say no to night after night. Why are we then surprised when they go a little bit further, again, and again, and again.

Conclusion

God designed love to be a covenantal, permanent, jealous, unquenchable, and a freely given/received experience (Song 8:6–7). Our children need to embrace God’s design for love, and He has entrusted us to teach them. Cultivate a culture in your home/church of letting love sleep until the appropriate time. May our children enjoy the days of their youth remembering their good Creator all the days of their lives (Eccl 11:7–11).

[^1]: Kenton Sparks writes, “The Song of Songs originated as a wisdom composition, as a collection of love songs edited to teach young Jewish women propriety in matters of love and sex,” Kenton Sparks, “The Song of Songs: Wisdom for Young Jewish Women,” The Catholic Biblical Quarterly 70, no. 2 (April 2008): 278. Similarly, Douglas O’Donnell writes, “The primary target audience is the unmarried, specifically single young women,’the daughters of Jerusalem,’” Douglas Sean O’Donnell, The Song of Solomon: An Invitation to Intimacy, Preaching the Word (Wheaton IL: Crossway Books, 2012), 23. For more information, see Timothy Little and Angela Little, Song of Songs for Singles, and Married People Too: Lessons on Love from King Solomon (Ankeny, IA: Faith Publications, 2023). [^2]: Zachary C. Wagner, Non-Toxic Masculinity: Recovering Healthy Male Sexuality (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2023), 134.

Songs To Help Your Family Memorize Scripture

John Dalrymple — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 07:00:00 GMT

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Things learned in song are remembered long.

And this is no less true when it comes to learning truths from the Bible. I can still remember each Bible verse sung on Steve Green’s Hide ‘em in Your Heart cassette tape as it played in our kitchen when I was a child. I still remember the Bible passages I learned while sitting on the floor in front of my mom as she played her guitar in our large family room; teaching us one of her new Scripture songs.

If you have a desire for your children to hide God’s Word in their hearts, employ the power of music as a memory aid!

An Unforgotten Song

For thousands of years, God’s Word has been sung by God’s people, rehearsing His character, His promises, and His mighty acts. In Deuteronomy 31, God instructed Moses to write a song recounting His covenant with His people.

Now therefore write this song and teach it to the people of Israel… Deuteronomy 31:19

God explained that this song would serve as an important reminder for them as they entered the promised land and encountered dangers and setbacks.

And when many evils and troubles have come upon them, this song shall confront them as a witness (for it will live unforgotten in the mouths of their offspring)… Deuteronomy 31:21

Songs can help us remember God’s promises! As parents, it should be our earnest desire that God’s works and words would live “unforgotten” in the mouths (and hearts) of our children.

Scripture Songs

Singing scripture is nothing new, in fact, the largest book of the Bible (the Psalms) is essentially a songbook. In the New Testament, Christians are commanded multiple times to sing psalms, and hymns, and spiritual songs (Eph. 5:19; Col. 3:16).

Today, we are richly blessed with thousands of Scripture-based hymns written over the centuries. And in just the past few decades, many Christian artists have released new songs and albums that set new tunes to Scripture texts.

Songs For Kids

When it comes to finding Scripture-based songs for kids, there are several options to choose from:

Hide em’ In Your Heart by Steve Green is an album I grew up listening to and still enjoy. The music is fun and memorable.
Hidden in My Heart albums include Scripture lullabies that we have enjoyed playing for our kids and ourselves at bedtimes as well as early in the morning as we wake up and start the day.
Songs for Saplings is another option for parents to consider. The style is simple, with guitar and singing by Dana Dirksen.
Fighter Verse Songs by Desiring God has quite a few sets which correspond to their memory verse program. They have a simple folk-style with contributions from various artists.
If you are looking for a more contemporary style of music, there are a number of options to choose from including Seeds Kids Worship.
Patch the Pirate doesn’t focus on Scripture songs per se. However, they have produced dozens of adventure albums that teach Biblical principles through engaging story-telling. Read a full-review here.

His Word In Me

My mom (Janis Dalrymple) heard the gospel for the first time as a teenager and became a follower of Jesus. She was so thrilled about knowing Christ in a personal way that she became hungry to memorize and meditate on His Word. When she married and four children came along, the desire of her heart was for them to know the Lord and love his Word at an early age, so she began to put Scripture verses to tunes so they could learn them more easily. Eventually she began to teach those songs to the children at her church, and as grandchildren have come along, they’ve inspired many other songs about lessons that little ones need to learn.

His Word in Me officially began in 2019 when my mom released her first album followed by another in 2020. These albums include beautiful Scripture-based songs that are great for a group at church or a sing-a-long at home or in the car. In addition to songs like “Pray, Always Pray” (1 Thess. 5:17) and “Go to the Ant” (Pro. 6:6-8) which teach individual Bible verses, she has also written songs like “Who Is My Neighbor,” based on the parable in Luke 10:29-37, and “Nicodemus,” relating his dialogue with Jesus in John 3.

On album two, these Scripture-based songs include “Days of Creation” (Gen. 1), and “Children, Obey” (Eph. 6:1) as well as fun preschool songs like “It’s Time to Take a Nap” and “Good Food.” You can stream these albums for free on Spotify or purchase them at HisWordInMe.com.

A to Z Scripture Songs

On July 29, 2024, His Word In Me released a new album accompanied by a video collection. This new project titled, A to Z is designed to teach 26 Bible verses with unforgettable tunes and beautiful hand motion videos.

Watch and listen to some samples of the album below.

The goal of this A to Z project is for families and churches to use this as a means of hiding God’s Word in the hearts of their children so that in the years to come, these stabilizing truths will help to guard them and grow them for the glory of God.

A Memory Challenge

If you don’t already have a good Bible memory plan (or even if you do), consider incorporating Scripture Songs into your family’s playlist through family devotions. Take one verse a week for your family to memorize and learn the song together so that you can say with the psalmist, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11)

A Habit That Can Change Your Life

Andrew Lee — Tue, 30 Jul 2024 07:00:00 GMT

I like simplicity. I think that’s why I was so struck when I came across this question in a book I was reading recently. “What’s the ONE Thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”[^1] This book wasn’t written from a particularly Christian viewpoint, but I began to wonder if I could apply this question to my own spiritual growth and how I lead my family.

Is there one spiritual discipline or activity that would make all the others easier? I think so. To clarify, just because you do it does not mean that you will automatically grow. On the other hand, it will be hard not to grow if you have a relationship with God through the finished work of Jesus and do this regularly. So what is it?

Memorize Scripture. Then, lead your family in memorizing it.

Please don’t stop reading here. You may be tempted - perhaps you’ve tried memorizing Scripture or having your kids do it and over time gave up on the habit. Maybe you didn’t see instant change. I would encourage you to consider it again.

Listen to these words from Psalm 1:1–3:

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.

Look at the result of meditation — the man who does it grows. He is like a tree that doesn’t wither, regardless of circumstances, because the water supply is always there. If you want to meditate on God’s Word like David describes here, if you want to grow like a fruitful tree with a consistent water supply, you need to make a habit of memorizing Scripture. If you want your wife and your kids to grow like that, you need to lead them to memorize Scripture too!

Think about how memorizing Scripture fuels the other spiritual disciplines. When we pray, we can know better how to pray according to his will. When we read our Bibles, we can better understand the whole of Scripture as the passages that we have memorized inform our understanding of that day’s passage. When we seek to kill sin in our lives, we have the sword of the Spirit ready to strengthen us against temptation, just as Jesus resisted (Matthew 4).

Hopefully you see the value of memorizing Scripture. But how do you do it? Let me suggest two ways that have been helpful in our family rhythms:

1. Memorize Scripture for growth.

First, let’s focus on the positive side. Choose passages that stand out to you from your practice of exposure to Scripture. This could be a verse or several verses that you read recently in regular Bible reading. Maybe verses from a sermon or instructional time in the life of your church were really helpful for you. Start to accumulate a list of verses that encourage you and work at memorizing them.

One practical bit of advice - look at the verses before and after the verse(s) you select and see if there are major connecting thoughts. You may want to expand the section you are memorizing. For example, perhaps you decide to memorize Ephesians 2:10. Maybe backing up to 2:8-9 would be a good reminder that those good works you ought to strive for are not for salvation, but rather what God saved you to do. Of course, you could just memorize 2:1-10 or even the book of Ephesians as a whole. The main thing is to identify connecting thoughts or motivations and then decide what section will help you apply what the passage means in its context.

Make a concrete plan for when to work on these verses. I’d recommend starting with listening to and/or reading the passage 10x each day. I like to do it the first time I’m driving somewhere each day. For habit building, it’s best to have a trigger (e.g. when you get in the car, morning break, etc.). For our kids, they ask every afternoon if they can have a snack, so we have started saying, “Yes, after you review your memory verse(s) 10x.” Once you can quote it without effort, move on to another passage. Review old passages each week for a couple of months, then set a regular review schedule to keep them fresh after that. You’ll learn what works best for you, but I’ve found 3-5 verses to be a manageable chunk to work on at a time. Don’t stress about how long it takes you to memorize, just commit to faithful review, then move on once you have it! Remember, the end goal is meditation.

2. Memorize Scripture for correction.

Another time our family is working on Scripture memory is when our kids are struggling with sin. We accompany a consequence with spending time memorizing verses that help correct the heart behind their sin. To prevent discouragement, we often use the same principle (read 10x out loud) instead of requiring memory that day. The more they struggle with that same issue, the sooner they’ll have the verse memorized. I was convicted a few months ago when I realized I was telling my kids they needed to change, but not giving them any weapons to fight sin. It is a great joy when we go to talk about a particular issue to start to hear them quote Scripture without even having to review it.

I’m thankful for a Christian friend who encouraged me to start memorizing Scripture again about 9 months ago. Consistency is key - 10 minutes or less each day can make a huge difference over time! God has used the passages I’ve been working on in many ways in my heart over those months. I hope that if you haven’t developed this habit yet, you will commit to developing a habit of memorizing Scripture for the rest of your life. Train your family to do it as well! Of all the spiritual disciplines that you can establish, I believe this is one that can equip you and your family to grow in all the others.

[^1]: The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth About Extraordinary by Gary Keller (Author), Jay Papasan (Author)

Sing With Your Kids

Andrew French — Tue, 23 Jul 2024 07:00:00 GMT

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Many Christian dads know in their heads the importance of establishing a regular time of family worship. In fact, if you’re actually reading this Growing Fathers article, you’re in all likelihood one of those dads.

The how-to, however, is sometimes more nebulous. If you’re looking for the simplest explanation and how-to on the topic, I highly recommend Donald Whitney’s Family Worship. A truly miniscule but immensely practical book, it lays out the “what” of family worship this way: read, pray, and sing.

The last of these is my encouragement to you, "Christian dad: Sing with your kids. Why?

It’s a mark of a Spirit-filled, Word-filled believer.

According to the apostle Paul, the Word-filling and Spirit-controlling of a believer looks, among other things, like singing (Colossians 3:16; Ephesians 5:18-19). Godly dads in their local churches sing. They affirm God’s truth with and to their church family in song.

It’s an outlet for your response to God.

God created you with the ability to express yourself to Him and others through musical communication. And it’s good for your kids to see you responding to God and His truth. In the worship service, in the car, in your family devotions on the couch. It’s one of many ways for your kids to observe that “Dad loves God.”

It normalizes singing for your kids.

Further, it helps normalize singing for your kids when they see you do it. Your keeping a musically and emotionally “stiff upper lip” can be unhelpful for them. Within your personality, it’s okay to be strong and also emotionally express yourself and affirm truth with conviction.[^1]

It catechizes your children in the truth.

“Nationwide….” Could you finish it? Truth in song is remembered long. The power of music to etch a text in your memory is a good gift from God, and you ought to steward it well. You as a Christian dad should employ music’s power to “teach [God’s words] diligently to your children” all the time (Deut. 6:7).

It’s not rocket science.

For your family worship, you could pick a hymn or song for the week. Maybe pick one from your worship service on Sunday. Google it to have the text (or just buy the church’s hymnal). Sing one stanza the first night and add as you go.

If you have younger kids, throw in some motions. When our first child was around 2 years old, she learned “I Sing the Mighty Power of God” (originally written by Isaac Watts for children). And we didn’t formally teach it to her; we just sang it every night, threw in a few motions, and she got it.

It requires no musical training.

Sorry, if you’re looking for the Bible verse that excuses those whose tunes fall out of their buckets, you’re not in luck. Please don’t be worried about the quality of your singing. The apostle Paul wasn’t. He was just concerned that it was happening.

Sure, if you have vocal or instrumental skills in your family, steward them well. That your children see and hear you singing to God on purpose is much more important than you singing on key.

“If Moses, David, and even Jesus Christ sang, it is a manly thing to do, a God-fearing thing to do, and a Christian thing to do.”[^2] So, sing with your kids.

Dad’s evident, joyful, sincere affirmation of God’s truth through singing is a legacy every child needs.

[^1]: During a congregational hymn at our church gatherings, I love it when I notice kids look up at Dad kinda teasingly. You know what that often means? Dad is actually trying to sing. And it might not be perfect, but Dad is singing loud enough to be heard, mistakes and all! [^2]: Paul S. Jones, Singing and Making Music, 128-129

Talking With Your Child About Death

Tommy Jeffcott — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Recently, our family dealt with a difficult situation that many other families have had to deal with. We said goodbye to a beloved pet. Our 3-year-old German Shepherd became gravely ill and the treatment was both cost-prohibitive and uncertain. The veterinarian informed me that it was very likely that our dog would continue to deteriorate and in a few days would come to the end of his life. We made the decision as a family to say goodbye and bring his life to an end in a way that was peaceful.

This decision was particularly difficult for a number of reasons. First, the dog was relatively young. No one expects to lose their 3-year-old dog. Second, this illness seemed to present itself with no warning. Third, my children are young but they are all old enough to have developed a meaningful bond with our pet. My oldest daughter had an especially difficult time due to the fact that she had the closest relationship with him of all the children.

Seizing the Opportunity

These occasions present an opportunity for the Father of the home. How will we handle this situation? Will we casually brush off the death of the family dog because we are trying to be tough? Rather than trying to be stoic and cold, perhaps allowing grief and sorrow to come to the surface provides a better opportunity to guide our children to God’s Word.

One of the great blessings of the Christian life is the confidence that we have in God’s precious promises (2 Peter 1:2-4). On the evening that we received the sad news, we took the opportunity to sit down together as a family and cry together. We then reminded ourselves of some important biblical truths.

Important Biblical Reminders

First, sin brings death. God makes this point in His Word in a number of places but one text that stands out in the Old Testament is Exodus 12. This passage details the institution of the first Passover. Perhaps you know the account already. God was dealing with the Egyptians via 10 plagues. The tenth judgment was far more severe than those that came before it. God provided instructions for His people.

The Passover animal was to be a male yearling, either a goat or a sheep (12:5). There was to be one sacrificial animal per home unless the family was too small to eat one. If this was the case, two families could share one (12:4). There should be enough meat for each person to be adequately supplied. The blood of the sacrifice was to be put on the door frames where the animal was to be eaten (12:7). This blood was to serve as a sign, which would protect the Israelites from the death angel (12:13, 23).

It is vital to instill this critical component of biblical theology into your children. The world has no sufficient rationale for the reality of suffering. The Bible provides the answer to this critical question. Further, the Bible points us to the solution.

Once again, Exodus 12 is helpful. You see, Exodus 12 and the institution of the Passover Feast picture the later, perfect sacrifice of Jesus. Thus we find in Exodus 12 a second key truth. Jesus is the Lamb of God who died for our sin. There are several similarities between the Passover lamb and the Lamb of God, the Lord Jesus Christ. The sacrificial lamb was to be without defect (Exod. 12:5), just as the Lord Jesus was without blemish (1 Peter 1:19). It was the shed blood of the lamb which saved Israel’s firstborn from the plague (Exod. 12:12-13, 22-23), just as it is the shed blood of the Lamb of God which saves men from the judgment of God (1 Peter 1:18-19; Rev. 5:9).

As there was to be no bone broken of the Passover lamb (Exod. 12:46), so no bone of our Lord was broken (John 19:32-36). Thus, the Old Testament prophet, Isaiah, could speak of Israel’s Savior as a lamb: All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. 7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth. (Isa. 53:6-7).

The third and final truth that I shared with my children that evening was this - Jesus’ death and resurrection defeated sin and death. Hear the Word of God concerning this - Romans 5:21 states, “So that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Consider also 1 Corinthians 15:3 and 20–22

“For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures” “But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since by man came death, by Man also came the resurrection of the dead. 22 For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.” These great truths then lead Paul to say, “‘O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?’ 56 The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Concluding Thoughts

Sin and death are still present in this world. Pray for God to help you see these realities as opportunities to speak with your children about sin and death. Don’t try to shield them from these truths. Rather, point them to the greater truth of Jesus and His victory over sin and death.

Father, thank you for the hope that comes through Christ. Thank you that your children can look beyond death to a life with you. Thank you that Jesus Christ died in order to forever deal with the problem of sin.

Book Review: The Biggest Story Bible Storybook

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 09 Jul 2024 07:00:00 GMT

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Cut to the chase: The Biggest Story Bible Storybook by Kevin DeYoung (not to be confused with his previous book, The Biggest Story [^1]) is my new go-to children’s story Bible recommendation for family devotions.

Author: Kevin DeYoung is pastor of Christ Covenant Church in Matthews, NC and associate professor of systematic theology at Reformed Theological Seminary. He excels at communicating big theological ideas using simple but compelling language. Kevin and his wife Trisha have nine children.

What I Like About It

Gospel-centered

This book is not just a collection of Bible stories with good morals (as many other Bible story books have been). Instead, it connects the individual stories to the overarching plan of redemption, which centers on Christ and His kingdom. This is vital for children, who need to be taught not just “how to be good little boys and girls” but who Jesus is and how to be saved. (It is vital for the rest of us too!)

Not overly psychologized

My previous go-to storybook Bible, The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones is great at being gospel-centered. I love how it captures the significance of Old Testament imagery and shows how the Old Testament points to Jesus. However, I sometimes found myself cringing at the way the book describes God’s love for the world.

For instance, Lloyd-Jones repeated the mantra that no matter how bad people were, God couldn’t stop loving them. However, this statement seems to imply that God loves us because we are lovely when the Bible says the exact opposite (Rom 5:7–8). Also, it portrays God as somehow captive to His emotions, which is bad theology. Also, Lloyd-Jones presents God’s love for the world as unconditional. Taken to its logical conclusion, this would imply that all people are saved in the end, but the Bible teaches that many people will end up in hell (Mat 7:13–14).

These types of errors are common in Christian books for children. The authors would probably argue that from a developmental standpoint, children cannot understand concepts like God’s wrath against sin.[^2] Of course, we should be very gentle when explaining God’s wrath to children, and we should absolutely emphasize His love. However, it is possible to do so while still giving proper biblical weight to God’s holiness, justice, sovereignty, and wrath. DeYoung maintains this balance in an age-appropriate manner.

Beautiful illustrations

Anyone who has read books to their children knows that the pictures matter to kids. You will be happy to learn that the pictures in The Biggest Story Bible Storybook are large, colorful, and imaginative. However, they are still mostly accurate (not picturing Zaccheus as 3 ft. tall or Goliath as 20 ft., for instance). This is important, since children tend to take things very literally.

One issue I had with DeYoung’s first children’s book, The Biggest Story, was that the pictures are so abstract and imaginative that sometimes, it is difficult to understand how the picture and story relate to each other! I was happy to see this issue was corrected in The Biggest Story Bible Storybook.

Well-organized and thorough

The book is broken down into 5 parts: “The Pentateuch,” “History,” “Poetry,” “The Prophets,” “The Gospels,” “Acts and Epistles,” and “Revelation.” Each part begins with a brief, one-page introduction to that portion of Scripture followed by several chapters of content. I love that DeYoung includes chapters on books such as Proverbs, Amos, and Zechariah, which are often omitted from children’s story Bibles. I also appreciate that each chapter includes a Scripture reading under the heading so that you can read the passage along with the story if you so choose (recommended for older children). There are 104 chapters, which breaks down into 2 chapters per week for 52 weeks if you want to stretch the content out for that long.

Quality writing

An important trait in children’s books that is often overlooked is the writing quality. Do the phrases flow off the reader’s tongue? Are the metaphors picturesque? Does the author avoid using too many words? Is it witty? The Biggest Story Bible Storybook checks all of these boxes.

In his opening “Note to Parents,” DeYoung asks the following. “Have you ever noticed that the best children’s movies are beloved by adults as well? Or that the best children’s books are also the ones parents love to read?” He goes on to say, “That’s no coincidence. When the best stories are told for children—in their idiom and at their level—they are still captivating for adults. They teach children and adults at the same time. I’d love for this book to do the same.” I think it’s safe to say that The Biggest Story Bible Storybook accomplishes this goal. I found it a joy to read to my children, and I am not the only adult I know who also enjoyed it.

Closing Thoughts

I hope that you do family devotions with your children. (If you don’t, check out this article of mine or this one by Zach Sparkman.) If you’re looking for some new content to cover in family devotions and you have young children, I couldn’t recommend The Biggest Story Bible Storybook by Kevin DeYoung more highly.

[^1]: The Biggest Story Bible Storybook is a fleshing out of DeYoung’s 2015 book, The Biggest Story in an extended, Bible storybook format. [^2]: This is exactly what child psychologist Brent Bounds, who helped Lloyd-Jones write The Jesus Storybook Bible curriculum argues. He says, “Developmentally, it’s hard for a really young child to own their sin and realize they need to be rescued. Later, in adolescence, you realize what a dark thing sin is.”

Discipline Shouldn’t Be Angry

Chris Pennington — Tue, 02 Jul 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Dads often struggle with anger when disciplining children. Over the last several years, I’ve noticed a disturbing uptick in my quickness to anger with my children.

And so for the last two months with the encouragement of a good friend, I’ve been on a deliberate path to cut sinful anger out of my discipline. Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Don’t meditate on your “authority”

My anger often grows when I rehearse facts like “I’m in charge and they should obey me” over and over again. While true, repetition of a single truth usually distorts the other ones. Soon, the only reason I’m disciplining is because “I’m in charge!”

Pay attention to what you tell yourself when you hear your children disobey, talk back, or sin in some way. If you are prone to anger, I can nearly guarantee you that you are rehearsing the importance of your role over and against every other reality.

Don’t meditate on public shame

Shame can twist our reactions as parents. How many times have you seen parents respond with anger in a grocery store out of embarrassment (“Everyone is looking at us! Stop it!”).

Of course, you want to have a good testimony in public, but if that desire encourages your anger, it’s out of proportion.

Give Cool Down Time

When things go wrong, everyone typically needs time and space to calm down. The same is true for dads!

Through these last few months, I’ve started immediately encouraging space before I discipline. Instead of running in like Rambo, I’ll send my child to the stairs, the couch, their room, etc. for five minutes before talking with them about whatever happened.

When I approach them, I’ll start by asking for a basic account of what happened. If they respond emotionally, I tell them we’ll take five more minutes first before talking. I’ll repeat that pattern until we can talk about whatever happened calmly.

Speak softly

Speaking softly has been my greatest challenge and biggest reward. The volume of my voice rises with my anger. And it’s a race you can’t win. You raise your voice, your child starts to scream or protest louder. You raise again, and they follow.

Conflict resolution starts with the mature party (hopefully you!) being willing to calmly and lovingly engage.

Be Patient and Expect Obedience

I know what you’re thinking: “What if my child refuses to listen? Eventually, I’ll have to raise my voice!” In this situation, I’ve learned to begin by immediately adding consequences very calmly. Here’s an example interchange between me and my six year-old:

Me: Please go to the couch and sit for a few minutes. Then we’ll talk about what happened.

Child: I didn’t even do anything! (raising their voice)

Me: Please go to the couch and sit and we’ll talk in a moment. (calmly and under control)

Child: But dad! I didn’t do anything! (again, raising their voice and not moving)

Me: If you don’t move to the couch right away, you won’t get dessert after dinner tonight. Please go to the couch. (calmly and under control)

Child: Dad! Why?! What did I do!? I didn’t do anything! (screaming and not moving)

Me: You will now miss dessert after dinner tonight. Please obey and sit on the couch.

Once my child sits for a few minutes, I’ll go sit quietly and calmly ask them what happened.

At first, my kids struggled to respond to this approach. But this pattern has produced fruit. I will often quietly tell them to go to their rooms and they’ll immediately go, sit, and be ready to talk in 5 minutes. We’ll quickly get to the bottom of things and consequences will often be very small.

Closing Thoughts

God has begun to retrain my heart in discipline. By God’s grace, for the last two months, I cannot remember a single time where I have so much as raised my voice at my children.

By patiently demanding obedience and being consistent in my follow-up, not only have I reduced my anger, but I’ve also taught my children how to deal with conflict.

I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m grateful for these little wins and God’s grace visibly at work.

Wise Fathers, Aim for the Heart!

Zach Sparkman — Wed, 26 Jun 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Some friends of ours love all things outdoors. They camp and hunt and fish, and the dad has set up an archery range in their garage to encourage their boys to get better at shooting. When we hung out with them earlier this year, he graciously taught my boys how to shoot a bow. Among other points of instruction, he told them to look at the center of the target, because what you look at is what you’ll aim for.

The principle, “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time”, has been around a long, long time. Obviously, this applies to many areas of life beyond archery, but have you thought about what your target is in parenting? As a father, what are you aiming at? Proverbs 23:26 explains what this target is: “My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.”

Wise fathers aim to win the heart of their child. From this verse, we see three action steps wise fathers take to win their child’s heart.

1. Set aside specific time for spiritual instruction.

Solomon begins this verse by directly addressing his child, saying, “My son.” This is a common expression in Proverbs; twenty-three times Solomon directly addresses his son. Three times he specifically calls his son to listen (1:8, 4:10, 23:19). Three times Solomon calls him to pay attention and remember (3:1, 4:20, 5:1). Four times he pleads with him to keep his words (2:1, 3:21, 6:20, 7:1). That’s a major emphasis on listening to his spiritual instruction.

What are some of the specific things that Solomon teaches his son?

He teaches him that knowing God comes through treasuring his words. (2:1-5)
He warns him of the danger and consequences of not listening. (19:27)
He encourages him to remember the truths he shared with them. (7:1-3)
He shows him the blessings of listening to instruction and correction. (3:1-2, 21-23, 23:15)
He reminds him that obeying God’s words protects him in ways he, as a child, doesn’t yet understand. (1:10)

As a father, we have a massive opportunity to speak truth into the hearts of our children. This can come in the course of life, as Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” When your child asks a question seemingly out-of-the-blue, take that moment to talk with them of the Lord.

I have found that these “rhythm of life” conversations happen more regularly when I have regular times of spiritual instruction. Faithfully attending a gospel-preaching local church is a huge part of this, but our family devotion time also helps tremendously. Just reading a short story or memorizing a verse together at the breakfast table gives me as a dad the time and space to specifically talk about the Word of God with our family.

I hasten to add that instruction alone does not gain the heart of the child. A father must also:

2. Seek heart-level experiences and conversations.

Our key verse says, “My son, give me your heart.” Godly parenting is not content with outward conformity, but seeks to shape the heart.

Proverbs 4:23 reveals the importance of the heart: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” The heart controls everything, so it must be guarded diligently. Before they can guard their own hearts, we do it for them. One of the ways we guard our children’s hearts is by winning and retaining their trust! We want them to listen to us and come to us with their questions and not go to their friends or the internet or influencers on social media.

These heart-level moments do not usually come out of nowhere, so, seek them out! Plan for them! This can be done by inviting one child to do errands with you, working in the yard with you, or exercising with you. I have followed Chap Bettis’ encouragement to take one child out for a donut on the regular.[^1] These moments show our children they matter to us, and that we want to listen to them specifically. We fathers spend lots of time planning our hobbies and fun weekends, so why wouldn’t we take a few minutes to plan how to create heart-level experiences and conversations?

The final part of this verse, if ignored, renders everything else ineffective:

3. Model spiritual consistency.

Solomon invites the scrutiny of his sons when he says, “Let your eyes observe my ways.” To observe is to pay careful attention for the sake of imitation. Dads should model wise living for his children!

There is no surer way to lose our children’s hearts than to be lacking spiritual integrity. If we don’t live out what we tell them to do, at some point they will see through us, and it can disillusion them.

Though we fathers fail often, we cannot shy away from the role God has called us to. We are the spiritual leaders of the home, the pace-setters, the temperature gauge for the family. We must walk deeply with the Lord and model godliness for our children. Just as our children look like us, talk like us, or have the same mannerisms as us, how much more important (and special!) is it for them to walk with God like us?

Conclusion

Wise fathers, take aim! There are many other things we can aim for in parenting, like our children’s success, obedience, independence, or maturity. These are all good things, desirable things even, but none should be the primary target of our parenting. Solomon teaches us that wise fathers aim for their children’s hearts, which allow us to shape their hearts to love Jesus and follow Him for the rest of their lives.

[^1]: See Nine Elements of an Effective Donut Date

How Busy Should I Be?

Kyle Grant — Wed, 19 Jun 2024 07:00:00 GMT

You have so much to do today. You had so much to do yesterday. You will have so much to do tomorrow. In fact, now that you think about it, you’ve remembered that thing you didn’t do yesterday that you will have to try to do today, or maybe tomorrow.

Responsible people are busy. People with families are busy. Families who are involved in church and the lives of others are busy. But just how busy should we be? If you haven’t wrestled with this question, you should. I hope here to provide some healthy conditioning as we all wrestle with this question.

First, you should be busy.

I don’t intend to argue against busyness. I intend to argue against unhealthy busyness. So, you should be busy. Adam and Eve were busy in the garden. Abraham was a successful farmer and businessman. Moses was a leader, judge, priest, and navigator. Samuel made circuits around Israel as a traveling prophet, priest, and judge. Solomon was a king, poet, agriculturalist, and considering his family dynamic, he had plenty of family to care for!

Jesus was busy. He was busy primarily spending time with his disciples and preaching. Beyond his teaching, though, the gospels regularly describe him as healing every sick person in a town.

Paul writes in Romans 12:11 “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.” That word “slothful” means laziness, idleness, or reluctance in service. In context, Paul is urging believers to live out the gospel with a fully sacrificial spirit. So obviously we can’t live out the gospel as sacrifices for Christ if we are idle in service, indifferent in spirit, and serving ourselves with our schedule. Gospel affected people are gospel-active people! God has provided contexts for primary gospel-business. Be busy with your neighbors. Be busy in your community. Be busiest at home and at church.

But, you shouldn’t be too busy.

Here I want to narrow “too busy” to two primary applications, though there are more. Are you too busy to rest? And are you too busy to reflect?

As you should be busy, so you should rest.

God patterns this from the beginning (Gen. 2:1–3). I find today that most people are much more comfortable with the concept of busyness than they are with rest. We feel guilty resting because there’s something more important to do. Rest may even be viewed as laziness by some. This is perhaps nowhere more on display than when a pastor goes on vacation! Rest is deeply Biblical.

Not only is it founded by God it is modeled by Jesus. Jesus often went away privately in order to rest for greater ministry investment. Jesus didn’t rest because he didn’t want to serve. He rested because he did want to serve. If intentional rest is lacking from our routine we are not only living unhealthy lives but ungodly lives.

Observations from Martha

Here we pick again on poor Martha from Luke 10:38–42. I want to note a few things from the text.

It was actually her devotion to her service that made her unspiritual. The overflow of her frustration came from her belief in busyness detached from godliness (v. 40).
Her busyness made her a busybody. That is what she was doing caused resentfulness in what others were doing, or not doing. So she made her business everyone else’s and theirs’ hers (v. 40). Busyness detached from godliness makes busybodies.
Her unspiritual service revealed deeper heart concerns. Jesus points to her anger and anxiety in “many things,” not just the issue at hand. Burying the state of a sinful heart with spiritual service isn’t sincere service. We need Jesus to call us on this.
Finally, she was busy doing good work, but not the best work (Vv. 41). She was not able to participate in what Jesus says should be her greatest concern, learning and loving Christ. Mary was devoted to Christ in humility and Martha to herself in activity. How often do we attempt to compensate for a lack of authentic humility with good activity? Goodness in service doesn’t hide from Christ the badness in our spirit.

If our lives are so speedy that what slows is our reflection on God and conversation with Christ then our schedules reflect the sin of our hearts somewhere. If you’re fitting time in the Word and prayer into your life rather than altering your life around the Bible and prayer then you are clearly troubled by too many of the wrong things. J.I. Packer summarizes this concept this way, “Live slowly enough to think deeply about God.” If you’re too busy to regularly rest in God and reflect upon God, you’re too busy.

Suggestion and Questions

In conclusion, allow me to offer some suggestions and ask some diagnostic questions.

Wade in tides not swamps.

Tides go and come. Swamps are always thick and deep. Wading in a swamp gives no rest and requires constant movement. Tides require wading and allow for pausing. Another way to say this is to live in seasons. There will be busy seasons and there will be slow seasons. Embrace and maximize both. Activity engages your rest and your rest equips your activity. Again, this is the model of Christ.

Does your family resent your schedule?

If your spouse or kids or teens are pressed too often, show compassion. If your schedule is a source of conflict rather than life, open up your ears and don’t dig in your heels.

Schedule your life with a vertical vision.

As you plan, consider the glory of God and the discipleship potential of an event. Every task penciled in is an opportunity for praise. A vertical vision keeps both our motives and our tasks in check.

Are you comfortable saying no?

If you live your life believing a request from you is an obligation for you, or if you feel like saying no to an event or task is letting people down, you may be scheduling your life for yourself rather than for others. We only have so much time in this life. We only have so many years with our kids. Integral to redeeming the time we have is protecting it from lesser things and lesser tasks.

You should be busy, but not too busy. And if you are too busy, look to Christ. Take his yoke, that you may do his work in his way, and he will give you rest in your spirit. The balance of Christ is the remedy for an imbalanced agenda.

Teaching Our Children To Seek Forgiveness

Clay Gibbons — Tue, 11 Jun 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Recently I have paired reading through the Pentateuch with a study in the book of Numbers at our local church. In Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers Moses is preparing the Israelites to journey together and eventually live in the Promise Land together. Moses pre-emptively instructs them on dealing with problems of resistance, disorder, sin and uncleanness. God knew it was coming; Moses knew it was coming. These things were already happening and would continue. How were they to deal with it? Moses provides the answers.

Parenting has more than a few similarities with Moses leading the complaining ungrateful company through the desert. In our families, we need to anticipate sin and teach our children how to respond to their own sin. In every family, sin against each other is happening and is going to happen. At times there will be anger, lies, broken promises, jealousy and biting words all before lunch!

So what do we instruct our children to do? How do we teach them to respond to their sin against others? The Lord does not expect anything less from our children than He does from us.

Repent to the Lord

Before they can be at peace with their brother or sister, mom or dad, they need to look to God for forgiveness and grace. Their sin is against God and man. They should repent to the Lord and seek grace to make things right. Everything on the horizontal level is only as effective as their repentance on the vertical.

We must truly repent to the Lord first before we attempt to make amends with each other. This step is probably best instructed but not tested. We can't quiz them “Did you mean it?” Nor do we want to give them words to say or boxes to check. Encourage them to speak to God sincerely and in their own words.

Confess right away

This is a big one. No one likes to be wrong and certainly no one enjoys being caught in the wrong. Our tendency, (like Adam) is to first hide, shore up the defense and to deny wrong-doing. Teaching our children to apologize is teaching them to repent and take responsibility for their actions. Teaching them to apologize right away helps to stem further trouble.

When sin is left unconfessed it grows in size and potency. Paul teaches us to not let the sun go down on your wrath (Eph. 4:26). We should deal with the problems as soon as possible and no later than before the day is over.

State the sin

Clearly state the sin and avoid the exchange of the cowed but reluctant 8 year old:

child: “I’m sorry”
father: “For what?”
child: “For....you know” (staring intently at his shoes)
father: “No, I don't know. What are you sorry for?”

The sin should be confessed (James 5:16). It should be stated and owned, no skirting around it, no blaming, no justifying it. For example, we teach them to say “I am sorry for stealing your lego mini figures. That was wrong” or “I am sorry for breaking my promise to watch you in your last match; I was wrong.”

Request forgiveness

Paul tells us to submit to one another (Eph. 5:21). Part of that is humbling ourselves before each other when we have sinned against someone. In order to deal with sin properly there must be a request for forgiveness. We should teach our children to ask “Will you please forgive me?”

Ideally, the offended party will be merciful and ready to grant forgiveness. Often this is not the case because real hurt has occurred and they may not be ready to let go of it. Regardless of the other party, we must teach our children to do the right thing.

Look and Listen

After they have apologized, stated their sin, sought forgiveness, they should look and listen. All of this can be pretty one-sided but true repentance is ready and willing to hear the hurt they have caused. We should teach our children not to demand immediate forgiveness nor manipulate each other to giving it, nor to dash away after making a quick apology.

The loving response is to consider how the sin has affected them. See their hurt by watching their face and listen for their hurt in the words. This can be as simple as ensuring the child looks at them while speaking and then asking "How have I hurt you?" and then listening. This will help the child see the effect and seriousness of their sin. Hopefully, it will also serve as a deterrent for future sin.

Make restitution

The story of Zacchaeus in Luke 19 gives us the model of true repentance. It helps us see that there should be a repayment if something has been broken or lost because of our sin. Truly, “I'm sorry” and “please forgive me” doesn't make the hurt go away. True repentance is exemplified by an acceptance of consequences and willingness to make amends. Usually, the repayment is more than the value of what was lost. Logistically, this can be tricky but we need to emphasize this principle. There may be some allowances shifted, chores exchanged, toys replaced in order to help them repay.

Help them follow the steps

The question may arise, should I force my child to do this? What if they are not repentant? Should I still require them to apologize and ask for forgiveness even when they don't want to? I think we need to be careful here. Outward obedience and inward rebellion is not pleasing to the Lord. Our parenting must always strive to reach their heart, their thinking, feeling and deciding.

With this in mind, these steps should be what we require from them; we have to help them through it. The matter cannot be fully resolved until they follow these steps both inwardly and outwardly.

Be an example

Here is where we can really help our children. We must live this out before our children. We must say to our children: “I'm sorry for _______, that was sin, please forgive me.” I have to deal with my own sin against my children and my wife. We have to lead by example.

For this, we desperately need God’s transforming grace. Our hearts are no different than our children's; they are continually bent toward sin. May God give us the grace to deal with our sin properly and to lead our children to do the same.

Book Review Habits Of The Household

Brandon Potvin — Thu, 06 Jun 2024 07:00:00 GMT

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Do you wish you had more time to focus on discipling your children? Does it seem like the mundane responsibilities of caring for your family and trying to balance your work life keep you from fulfilling your role to lead your home toward godliness?

In Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms, Justin Whitmel Earley shows how those mundane habits can become the vehicle for the spiritual growth of your family.

Transformative

Don't let the title fool you; this book is not about life hacks or tricks to get your child to do what you want. Its focus is on discipleship. The author effectively argues discipleship is not merely a product of what we teach and say but is influenced more by what we practice and do. This is not a new concept. However, understanding that spiritual formation occurs in everyday responsibilities and designing those moments toward that goal may be a new idea.

The author encourages us to turn our normal patterns of life (such as waking, eating, bedtime, etc.) into liturgies––that is to use the normal cadences of life to turn our attention to God.

The author defines liturgy this way: “A liturgy, in the formal sense, is a pattern of worship we repeat over and over, hoping that the pattern draws us into worship and forms us in the image of the one we worship.”

This idea is reflected Psalm 115:4-8

He also points out that it is not just our children who need transformation. We also need to be discipled: “Our best parenting comes when we think less about being parents of children and more about being children of God.”

Practical

Although, the goal of being intentional in our daily habits is primarily inward transformation rather than behavioral change, that does not mean you won't experience some practical benefits. Being intentional and establishing routine will help reduce chaos and can foster peace into the home. It may take a while to catch on but eventually your family will adjust to the new normal, in fact they will not only adjust but they will come to expect it.

For example, at mealtime the author's family does something they call "rose and thorn", where each family member (age appropriate) will share a high and low of the day. This gets everybody involved, prevents one person from dominating the conversation and teaches others to listen.

Each chapter concludes with charts that summarize the chapter, offer things to try, and provides suggested resources related to the topic.

The author's perspective comes from a family with four young boys but the principles are broad enough to incorporate many family dynamics. Resources and suggestions are also provided for various ages.

This resource can also function as a reference. The chapters can stand alone and you may want to revisit them as your family situation evolves.

Theological

As indicated in the subtitle, “Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms,” this book seeks to show how our daily habits fit into the overall story of God.

In the chapter on marriage, he shows how the Bible begins with marriage in Genesis and concludes with marriage in Revelation. This demonstrates how marriage was an intentional and integral part of God's plan from the beginning of creation. Marriage does much more than provide happiness for a couple or help preserve society; it is a reflection of God's covenant love, it reveals what God is like and it anticipates our heavenly marriage.

The author effectively weaves our daily habits into God's overall purpose, which helps give meaning to our seemingly insignificant moments.

Grace Focused

Although the book offers many suggestions for implementing these habits effectively, the intention is not to be a burden. In fact just the opposite––strategically incorporating these practices should be freeing. The very idea of making it a habit is that habits become what is normal and natural––they become part of what we do, not an added weight.

The main idea he wants us to understand is that as we look to Jesus we become like him and our children become like us.

Conclusion

This could be a great resource to help your family grow, not by adding another responsibility to your already full schedule, but by simply being intentional with the things you are already doing.

“I used to think I needed to get the day-to-day stuff done and out of the way to get to the real spiritual work of parenting—some special conversation where the magic would really happen. But now I see that the magic of God’s grace abounds in the places I need it most: in the normal routines.”

Reading and Applying Old Testament Stories with Your Children

Chris Lynch — Tue, 28 May 2024 07:00:00 GMT

This spring, on a whim, my son read The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. He couldn’t put it down. He now wants to tackle The Lord of the Rings (no small feat for an 11-year old!) as well as every book in C.S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia. More and more I find him snatching free time to read these works of fiction in his room. Even my daughter, who has a love-hate relationship with reading, has exhausted our monthly audiobook borrows from the library listening to volume after volume of The Boxcar Children series on her tablet! My children have become massive fiction fans.

Nothing draws a child in like a captivating story. Our children love good stories. The Bible has more than its fair share of good “stories”, and the best part about these stories is that they really happened! These aren’t fairy tales or fantasy. Accounts like David and Goliath, the parting of the Red Sea, Noah and the ark, Daniel and the lions’ den, and Elijah on Mt. Carmel are captivating to the reader, and millions of children have been drawn in by them. And they’re true!

The fact that God’s Word is absolutely full of good stories presents us as dads with a great opportunity. Our children love the stories, but the stories they find in Scripture are means to an end. Every part of the Bible is intended to teach, correct, and grow us (2 Timothy 3:16-17). These are the best stories they could read or hear!

We as dads should be excited when our children are exposed to the well-known stories from Scripture, but we must do more. We must do our part to ensure that they recognize the truths those stories convey that are vital to their growth. This requires reading alongside our children, directing their thinking, asking leading questions about what they are finding, and teaching them what to look for. The stories our children love in the Bible are invaluable tools in the hands of parents to teach and equip our children for life.

Each Old Testament “story” that so many of our children know so well has immense value for them. Some of the most foundational and vital principles found in Scripture are presented simply and clearly in these stories for those who have been trained to find them. I’d like to present three principles that we should guide our children to find in every Old Testament story that catches their attention. Training them to look for these themes will help ensure that they get more than a good story out of their time in any narrative. They’ll get saturated with a vital biblical foundation of truth. We’ll use one of the most beautiful stories in all of Scripture - Esther - to illustrate these themes.

1. God is the main character.

The Bible is God’s story. Teach them to see that the main character of every story isn’t the human actor. No matter how central or captivating the human agents of the story are, God is the ultimate actor. The story is always ultimately about God! Each story reveals Him to us and serves His purposes.

He is controlling the whole story.

Esther is a remarkable story of God’s sovereignty–in kids’ vernacular, he controls the whole story! Nothing happens in Esther that God isn’t instigating and directing. It may surprise your children to learn that God isn’t mentioned once in the entire book! Yet, it’s impossible to miss how he guides each character (good or bad), and no other character can alter that control.

Even the most powerful humans (like Esther’s emperor husband) are simply pawns in the story God is writing and controlling. Even those who appear to be the most powerful in our world have no power outside of God’s control. How helpful that is for our children to know as they live each day in such a world!

God works in the background to accomplish what he wants. And he doesn’t just do that in Esther’s story or David’s story or Joshua’s story. He does that in your family’s and your child’s life too! No matter the narrative, God’s control is always visible, and it’s there in order that we might see it!

He is the hero of the whole story.

One of the greatest disservices we can inadvertently do to our children is to read or teach a story about a Bible character and instruct our children to simply “be like Daniel” or “be like David” or “be like Esther”. This is easy to do, but it can lead to our children missing the greatest lessons and benefits. While there is much our kids can learn from traits exhibited by godly human characters in many Bible stories, the glory and credit for any heroic, obedient, and admirable actions ultimately belongs to God.

Esther and Mordecai have some admirable traits, but it would be saying more than Scripture says to label them as transformative heroes on their own. I’d encourage you to not overhype the humans! Human characters are, at best, flawed but submissive channels for God’s master plan. This approach to reading and applying Scripture will help develop a humble, biblical perception of their own merits.

2. God is always faithful.

Every Old Testament narrative was written and provided for us today so God would receive glory and honor for what he accomplished. But he glorifies himself often by acting out of love, mercy, and care for his people. Anytime God is working in human events, he is doing so on behalf of the people to which he has committed himself! His faithfulness to people in Bible stories is a picture of his faithfulness to us as his believing people today.

He will keep his promises.

Esther is a remarkable account of God keeping his promises to his people. In Esther, God is keeping promises he made as far back as Abraham’s day! Every action he takes in the book is to ensure that his covenant to care for, protect, and preserve Israel is kept. The best laid plans of evil men in this story come to naught because God is determined to keep his promises–he won’t let Israel be destroyed.

Furthermore, if Israel was destroyed in Esther’s day, we wouldn’t have Jesus. So God’s greatest promise to mankind from way back in Genesis 3:15 was at stake in the story of Esther, and God ensured that promise wouldn’t fail!

He will not forsake his people.

When our children see God keep his promises to his people in big ways (like saving an entire nation from destruction), they are led to understand that he will keep his promises of his care, his presence, his forgiveness, and his protection for them today? No dangers or obstacles can keep God from providing his promised care for his people. He doesn’t forsake them. And he makes that promise to us too (Hebrews 13:5)! See how simple truth displayed in Bible stories can transform our children’s thinking about their lives now?

3. We must trust and obey him.

Everything we see about God in his Word demands some sort of response from us. When you study Bible stories with your children, ask them what God’s character in each story requires from them. Without exception–with every story–we could summarize our needed response this way: trust this God, submit to him, and serve him wholeheartedly.

Trust his promises and his plan.

The Old Testament stories actually don’t stand alone. They are part of one big story of God’s redemptive plan. And it’s a plan that’s still ongoing, and we’re a part of it! And his plan is a big, good, amazing plan, and every little part of our lives are a part of that plan. If he is trustworthy enough to keep Israel safe and to make all the little events in Esther happen to ensure that, then his good plan for us in our little lives can’t be derailed either.

Serve God with what you’ve been given.

Now here is where we respond with action. This God is worthy of more than just my trust. He’s worthy of my service. Remember how we discussed that Esther and Mordecai weren’t the heroes of the story? They simply chose to trust God’s plan, claim his promises, and use the opportunities they were given to further his plan.

Esther was given beauty and position for God’s purposes. Mordecai was placed in seemingly coincidental situations through which he was thrust into an impactful role in the most powerful kingdom on earth. Those things weren’t given to these servants of God for their own advancement or purposes. They were opportunities to serve him! Your children have been placed by God in settings and situations for that same purpose. Ask them what that purpose might be and how they might go about using what they’ve been given to bring their great God glory.

Every Old Testament story presents an opportunity to see God as the main character. Every story reveals his amazing faithfulness to his promises and people. And every story illustrates the reality that such a great God wants me to trust him, obey him, and serve him.

Dads, I’d encourage you to go on a journey through these stories with your children, pointing out these themes to them. You can’t miss them if you’re looking for them! It’s not just an opportunity to expose your children to a great story they’ll love. It’s a God-ordained opportunity for them to see anew each time the God who loves them and plans to use them in his amazing story.

Fathers, Let Your Children Struggle

Brett Stowe — Tue, 14 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

We live in a society today that prides itself on the protection and care of young children. In some sense, this is a commendable achievement. All one has to do is go visit an indoor playground today with air conditioning, padded floors, and a care worker walking around constantly monitoring everything. While these “societal advances” are good, we need to remember that all pain, suffering, and hardship are not bad. In fact, without pain, growth does not take place. This is true physically as well as spiritually.

No good father would desire for his children to suffer. This is indeed one of the hardest realities of being a parent. But, without suffering and trials in our children’s lives, they will not become spiritually whole as God desires them to be. James’ admonition to believers in James 1:2-4, provides a template for fathers seeking to shepherd their children through the trials and hardships in life.

Count it all joy, Fathers, when your children meet trials of various kinds

James admonishes his readers to “count it all joy” when they are faced with trials. Believers are to consider the occasion of the trial as pure joy when it comes to their growth in Christlikeness. This does not mean that the trial is not difficult, neither does it mean that the trial is meant to be fun. This admonition towards joy teaches them that God is at work in their life and that through trials, they are made stronger. This process is a cause for being joyful!

When it comes to our children, we must remember that this process works the same way in their lives. There is not an age requirement for trials. Trials come into the life of the three year old as well as the thirty year old. We, as fathers, must cultivate an attitude of joy in our children when our children are met with “trials of various kinds.”

For you know that the testing of their faith produces steadfastness.

The testing of our faith through trials is meant to strengthen us. James argues that this testing produces strength, endurance, and patience. In explaining this verse, Douglas Moo writes, “The difficulties of life are intended by God to refine our faith: heating it in the crucible of suffering so that impurities might be refined away and so that it might become pure and valuable before the Lord.”[^1]

As parents, we desire that our children have comfortable and easy paths. If there is a chance to prevent suffering and struggle in the lives of our children, we pursue that chance. But, as James tells us, struggle and suffering in our children’s lives are meant to mold them into strong and capable followers of Christ. We must instead allow them to develop strength and patience through suffering knowing that this is God’s ordained means of growth.

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that they may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If we, fathers, are able to push through the tendency to remove our children from trials and encourage them to embrace the process of hardship, we will witness the God-glorifying and complete effect that “steadfastness” brings.

James tells us that when this process is allowed to run its course, the believer is “perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” This is not referring to perfection as one being sinless. This perfection and completion that James speaks of is one of spiritual integrity and “wholeness of Christian character.”[^2] Faithful and joyful endurance through trials produces strength which results in a complete and mature Christian.

Conclusion

Life is a struggle. Pain and suffering are a part of human existence until Jesus returns. We, as believers, are not exempt from this and neither are our children. It is easy for us fathers to resist the trials that enter the lives of our children. These “trials” may come in the form of pain experienced by the death of a grandparent, the mockery of a classmate, or the challenge of moving to another home.

Instead of resisting the trial, maybe the best thing for our children is to embrace the trial with joy and grace. The question we need to be asking is not, “how can I protect my child from suffering?,” but, “how can I encourage and support my child to persevere through suffering with joy?”

[^1]: Douglas J. Moo, The Letter of James, TPNTC (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 54). Logos. [^2]: ibid, 56.

How To Be A Man Who Makes A Difference In Church

John Pate — Tue, 07 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

My family loves to camp together. Typically, after arriving at the campsite, we try to give the kids jobs, jobs that are helpful in some way. The kids will help us unload firewood or bring sleeping bags to the tent, and those things are helpful! But occasionally, one of the kids will do something that is—well—not helpful. Once we were camping in a location with quite a bit of sand, so we brought some toy shovels and buckets. As we were setting up, I walked around the corner of the van to find one of my boys carefully taking shovelfuls of sand and depositing them into the track of the mini-van’s sliding door. That door hasn’t been the same since. Perhaps he was trying to help. I’m not sure. But the truth is: it wasn’t helpful.

And I think sometimes, we men can run into that same dilemma when we gather with our church body. We want to help! We want to make a difference. We want the church to grow and change. We want to solve problems. But how do men make a difference in the church?

The Catalyst for Change

In the New Testament letter of 1 Timothy, Paul tells Timothy exactly what to tell the men in the church at Ephesus. Timothy had been left at Ephesus as a sort of “crisis manager,” navigating a leadership and behavior crisis that had gotten out of control. From what we can tell from Paul’s instructions in the letter, it seems that the men were trying to make a difference—but in the wrong way.

It appears that the men, in an effort to be helpful, were beginning to think that the best way to solve problems in the church was to argue and to quarrel (1 Timothy 2:8). But in Paul’s brief instructions to men, we find that it’s not the argumentative men who make a difference in the church. The real catalyst for change is far less intuitive and far more powerful.

Paul puts it simply:

“I desire then that in every place the men should pray…” (1 Timothy 2:8).

It’s so simple! This is the only verse in the whole letter in which Paul addresses men as a group, and the only thing he tells us to do is pray. If Jesus really is the only mediator between God and man (1 Timothy 2:5), then the most effective way for a man to make a difference in the church is to pray.

The Location

But where are we supposed to pray? Should we designate a spot? Should we pray only in our homes or when we’re alone? No, Paul says prayer should take place “in every place.”

We men tend to be good at spotting problems and attempting to fix said problems. You might even say we’re drawn to the places where problems are. (Just watch a group of men naturally congregate around an ongoing church project and listen to them comment on the “best way” to get it done.) And where two men are both trying to fix the same problem, they’re probably going to experience some friction.

And it’s here that Paul tells them exactly what to do: “the men should pray.” Although personal prayer is important, I believe the emphasis here seems to be on group prayer. Pray everywhere. Pray often. Pray together.

The Manner

But Paul’s not done talking to us men. He proceeds to address the manner in which men should pray, and we see the manner in their posture:

“…lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling.”

Why the emphasis on the hands? Let’s picture this for a minute. If a 1st-century man meets another 1st-century man, and he’s arguing, and he’s angry, what might he do with his hands? He might very well try to bash some sense into his brother! (When Paul is instructing Timothy how to pick elders in the next chapter, he expressly urges him to pick the guys who don’t throw punches when an argument starts. See 1 Timothy 3:3).

So, instead of striking, Paul tells them to take those same hands, and, without anger or arguing, lift them to pray together with the brother with whom they had the problem in the first place.

We in the 21st century might think we’re way beyond throwing punches. But are we? How might we respond to someone with whom we have a problem? Maybe a scathing text, thick silence, acidic gossip, or sardonic laughter? Perhaps words spoken with an air of superiority or a cutting confrontation?

Don’t do that, Paul says. Instead, get with that brother, lift your hands together and pray. When you encounter problems in your church and want to make a difference, pray.

Find a Prayer Partner

Do you pray? Do you pray with your family, your kids, your wife? Do you pray with the sorrowful and suffering? When a brother at church begins to tell you about a problem in his life, do you put your hand on his shoulder and pray? If you want to make a difference, you should!

I’m sure you’ve heard that in order to have a habit of prayer in your life, you’re going to need to find a time and place. And that’s a great start. But may I suggest you also need to find a prayer partner? Stop and think right now who that might be. And then take a moment to text that man. Ask if he would be willing to pray together with you on a regular basis. Chances are he won’t say no.

A Global Prayer Meeting

Let’s conclude with that phrase we already looked at: “in every place.” That phrase is charged with Old Testament allusion to the global spread of the glory of God. Think about this. What if your little prayer meeting spread, and that brother went and prayed with another brother who prayed with another from a neighboring city. And so on. If that continued, the whole world would soon be full of believing men who pray together. In the long run, those simple prayer meetings would fill the globe with the glory of God. And that would make a difference!

The Fatally Friendless Father

Caleb French — Tue, 30 Apr 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Dads need friends.

Not football buddies, or golf partners, or even “family friend” dads you chat with while your kids play in the yard—though all of those could be candidates. You see, we often use the word “friend” to describe our common-interest acquaintances when what we really need is “battle brothers” who know our worst and hope in Christ for our best. Christian fathers need the rare treasure of active, godly friendships. Hobbling along in your Christian life without them could be spiritually fatal.

But what’s the big deal? What could be so fatal about being a friendless father?

That Kind of Friendship

Before we go any further, let’s get a snapshot of the kind of purposeful friendship I am talking about. Recently, one of my friends and I simultaneously realized the danger of not being more transparent about our Christian lives; we decided to do something about it.

For us, this meant upgrading our sporadic substantive interactions into a purposeful biweekly meet-up, in which we ask each other a series of written-out questions that run the gamut of our current condition in our lives. (Here’s the sheet we use to structure this conversation.)

We ask each other how many days we have missed for focused time with God, being specific about our prayer and Bible-reading habits. We share our current mental-emotional state as it relates to our energy for the coming week—what is encouraging us, discouraging us, how we are feeling. We ask each other questions about our family relationships. How often and in what ways are we showing love to our wives? How much time have we been spending with our children for relationship-building and discipleship?

Then, of course, we do some mutual confession of sin (James 5:16). Here’s where we ask the hard questions about harbored bitterness, anger, pride, and any expressions of sexual lust. We talk about our daily work, our recent discipleship encounters, and any evangelistic engagement we have had. We finish by sharing how we can pray for one another in the coming weeks.

Now, not everyone needs a handout to have a godly friendship, but I believe we all need to be asked these questions regularly. That’s why my friend and I started this habit. This is the kind of friendship I’m talking about that we need as Christian dads.

What happens if we don’t have these kinds of friends?

The Fatalities of Friendless Fathers

1. Friendless Fathers easily excuse negligence in spiritual disciplines.

We are naturally easy on ourselves, and our flesh brings with it a dose of self-deception. But when we share out loud with a brother that we skipped our time with God for that reason, we step back into the “light” of transparency (1 John 1:6).

Who of your friends knows where you’re reading, how your prayer life is developing, and what you’re meditating on lately? Who of your friends knows if you’re spending any private time with God?

2. Friendless Fathers never “answer” for how they are leading their families.

You’ve noticed that what I am calling “friendship” is what we often speak of as “accountability.” But who is holding us accountable for how we are leading our families? By virtue of our leadership role in the home, God has not called our wives and children to hold us accountable for that leadership (though I should say the respectful words of a godly wife can be a blessed source of accountability).

So I ask you, who of your friends knows how you are treating your wife? Who of your friends knows how you are raising your children in the Lord?

3. Friendless Fathers get stuck in mental-emotional funks.

Sometimes we get “stuck in our head” as my (other) friend David often says. We need a brother to hear us spill the mess and then offer a “truth in love” perspective that can pull us back to the faith(fulness) and peace of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22).

I experienced this benefit recently in one biweekly chat with my friend. After what can only be described as “calm venting,” my friend held up the mirror to me. “Caleb, it seems like you are constantly falling back into this rut of frustration about . Here’s what I think are your practical options. But one thing you must do is put a ‘Do not enter’ sign over those unbiblical patterns of thinking that lead to your annoyances.” That was such a means of God’s grace to me. But if I had not had a regular appointment, I’m not sure I would have gotten that kind of blunt input from my friend. I’d probably still be in my faithless funk.

Who of your friends knows what regularly discourages you? Who of your friends knows enough of your mental-emotional state to know when and how you need to be pointed back to Christ?

4. Friendless Fathers give sin room to grow in secrecy.

Many Christian men could go for months without confessing a sin to another brother. This fact is more frightening when you consider how quickly sin habits can spiral out of control—how long we can “walk in darkness” before another believer knows it. Without habitually transparent friendships, a Christian dad allows certain sins the opportunity to grow in the shadows.

1 John 1 makes an astounding connection between our transparent fellowship with one another and our confession of sin to God. This means that without “walking-in-the-light” fellowship with other believers, we will be much more likely to “say we have no sin” and much less likely to “confess our sins” to God. The point? Not walking in open fellowship with other believers leads to greater sin, self-deception, and broken fellowship with God.

If you think you have Christian friendships, my question for you is this: who of your friends knows the struggles and sins you couldn’t share in a public setting? Who of your friends knows the nature and frequency of your battle with lust? Who of your friends knows the sins you most easily slip back into?

What about My Wife?

You may have thought of another question in this discussion: “What about my wife? Isn’t she my friend?” Yes, she should be. Yes, she will know you best. And yes, you should be willing for her to hold up the mirror to you, respectfully, in a way that helps you better understand your strengths, weaknesses, patterns, and opportunities for growth.

Yet in the Body of Christ, it is God’s design that we have a multiplicity of relationships[^1] through which we experience the transforming grace of God as we speak the truth to one another in love (Ephesians 4:15). And while same-gender friendships in the faith are no substitute for the many-splendored intimacy and exclusivity of Christian marriage, neither has God wrapped up all of His relational graces in that single institution.

Friendships in the Body of Christ

This is why He established the church. And within that wonderful body are opportunities for multiple rich friendships, conduits of God’s grace, channels through which we receive the “reproof, correction, and instruction” (2 Timothy 3:16) of His word of Truth (Ephesians 1:13; 2 Timothy 2:15; James 1:18) into the choices, patterns, and thoughts of your Christian life. Through these friendships we obey the many “one another” passages of the New Testament and honor this wisdom: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). We see a beautiful example of God-centered friendship between men in David and Jonathan, and in Paul’s many partnerships with men like Barnabas, Silas, and many others he names in his epistles.

Are you a friendless father?

Are you a fatally friendless father? If you’re like me, it’s not that you don’t have Christian friends. I’m probably not encouraging you to make friends you don’t already have; I’m encouraging you to usher those friendships into deeper waters. So don’t be a friendless father! Invite one or more of your brothers into a newly deliberate relationship of mutual transparency. You will be a better father, a better husband, a better disciple, a better Christian because of it.

[^1]: One clarification. It’s healthy to have more than one of these friendships, as I believe the “three-fold cord” of Ecclesiastes 4:12 advises. My friend and I have spoken that we would aspire to invite others into our biweekly covenant. Yet both of us have others who fulfill a similar role; that’s healthy, even if not every friendship has the structure of our biweekly meet-up.

Teach Your Child How To Choose Wise Friendships

John Dalrymple — Tue, 23 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

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“Depend upon it, a great deal depends upon whom we choose for our companions when we begin life.”[^1] - Charles Spurgeon

As a kid growing up in a Baptist church in the 90’s, it was a common practice to pick a life verse—for whatever reason, I chose Proverbs 13:20 “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

As I look back on my childhood and teenage years, I thank God for my brother and three wise friends in particular who walked with me as I grew in wisdom. They were faithful to God and to me—they made a significant impact on the man I am today.

Many young people today have hundreds if not thousands of “friends” and “followers” on social media, but wise and healthy friendships are not so easy to come by. Thankfully, the Bible lays out helpful guidance for parents as we teach our children how to choose wise friendships.

What should your child look for in a friend?

The Proverbs are filled with guiding principles about wise friends.

In terms of speech, a wise friend is:

Honest (Proverbs 25:18) – They always speak the truth in love.
Admonishing (Pr. 27:5-6, 9) – They will tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear.
Sharpening (Pr. 27:17) – They will challenge you to be more like Christ.
Gracious (Pr. 22:11) – They are not harsh or hurtful in their words.
Listening (Pr. 18:13) – They don’t run their mouth. They are quick to hear and slow to speak.

In terms of lifestyle, a wise friend is:

Loyal (Pr. 18:24) – They won’t abandon you or act as fair-weather friends.
Teachable (Pr. 9:9) – They are always learning and growing; they don’t despise instruction.
Self-controlled (Pr. 22:24-25) – They are disciplined in all areas of their life.
Faithful (25:19) – They don’t just proclaim their love, they live it out.
Compassion (Pr. 17:17) – They love you in both the good and hard times.
Wise (Pr. 13:20) – They walk on the right path and avoid foolishness.
Forgiving (17:9) – They cover offenses instead of repeating them to others.

Of course, the first step your child must make towards good friendships is for them to personally pursue this type of speech and lifestyle by God’s grace. Birds of a feather flock together and at the end of the day, your child will be drawn to those who are like them or have character they are pursuing.

What types of friends should your child avoid?

In addition to identifying those positive character qualities, we should also help our children be able to notice red flags just as easily—conduct that reveals foolish friends.[^2]

A foolish friend is:

Angry (Pr. 22:24-25) – They will influence you and get you in trouble.
Bullying (Pr. 1:10-19) – They prey on the innocent and invite others to join in.
Disrespectful (Pr. 30:17) – They dishonor their authorities and suffer grim consequences.
Materialistic (Pr. 21:26) – They are consumed with the things of the world.
Exploiting (Pr. 14:20; 9:4, 6-7) – They maintain friendships as long as it benefits them.
Indulgent (Pr. 23:20-21) – They are ruled by their appetites and lack self-control.
Foolish (Pr. 13:20) – They act without thinking and will lead you on a path to ruin.
Flattering (Pr. 29:5) – They say to your face what they would never say behind your back.
Slandering (16:28) – They say behind your back what they would never say to your face.
Unbelieving (2 Cor 6:14-15) – They are going a different direction and will pull you away from Christ. [3]

In one of his letters to the church at Corinth where the Apostle Paul was addressing bad theology and sinful lifestyle, he reminds them of the influence of companions. “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV)

Should you choose friends for your children?

When your kids are young, it is easy (and healthy) to organize play dates and create an environment for your kids to establish wise friendships. But as they get older, it becomes more and more important for you to train and teach your children to use discernment when choosing who they will spend time with.

In his book, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, Paul David Tripp observes,

“The choice of companions is a very serious matter, but it is also a place where we surrender control to a maturing child. The goal of parenting is not to retain tight-fisted control over our children in an attempt to guarantee their safety and our sanity. Only God is able to exercise that kind of control. The goal is to be used of him to instill in our children an ever-maturing self-control through principles of the Word and to allow them to exercise ever-widening circles of choice, control, and independence.”[^4]

Study with your child what the Bible says about friendship

Instead of simply handing your child a list of who they can be friends with or constantly tearing others down to prove to your child why certain friendships are unhealthy, search out with your child what the Bible says about identifying and pursuing wise friendships. I’ve created a Bible study with over two dozen Scripture passages you can read and study together with your child.

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Finally, as always, pray for God’s wisdom and for His grace that would cause your child to “flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22 ESV)

[^1]: Charles Haddon Spurgeon. Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit Volume 30. Early Piety Eminent Piety (1 Kings 18:12) October 19, 1884. Accessed April 16, 2024.

[^2]: At the same time, we must guard against being judgmental or labeling other people in a certain way. Paul David Tripp points out, “We need to approach these conversations with sensitivity and love…It is critically important that we as parents avoid undermining our influence with our children by the unwise labeling of their friends, by unwarranted accusations, judgments of motives, and assumptions about the nature and level of influence of the friendship” (Tripp, p. 84-85).

[^3]: At a young age, our child as well as their peers may not be born again as children of God, however, the family culture and seeds of godly character are still visible to those who pay close attention.

[^4]: Paul David Tripp, Age of Opportunity, p. 37-38. MacArthur similarly concludes, “If you do not help your children select, and help them learn to select for themselves, the right kind of companions, the wrong kind of companions will inevitably select them. The responsibility of teaching children how to choose their friends wisely is therefore a fundamental element of successful biblical parenting” (John MacArthur, Successful Christian Parenting, p. 88).

A Neglected Discipleship Tool

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 16 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Supposedly, you can tell a lot about a man by the tools he owns. If you poked around my garage, you would quickly realize I am not a handyman; you would find only a few basic home improvement tools. But you would also find some bicycling tools that are a little unusual: tire levers (to remove a flat tire), a wheel spoke tool (to make the wheel true), CO2 adaptor and cartridges (to pump up a flat tire), and a chain cleaner (self-explanatory). Each of the tools, whether for home improvement or bicycling, serve a specific purpose and help finish a project. (I’ll let you decide what type of man I am based on this information!)

A father who desires to lead his family in the things of the Lord has several discipleship tools at his disposal. One tool that we often overlook is the Sunday worship service in the local church. The ministry of the local church is a major encouragement in your family’s spiritual growth (and yours too!), yet I’m afraid that many families don’t fully benefit from public worship.

There are several reasons for this. If we don’t attend worship consistently, we will obviously miss out on the opportunity for growth. There is also a temptation to view church as a “sanctified childcare” where you can drop your kids off and have a couple of hours child-free. You can talk with your adult friends and not have to worry about the kids at church. While it is helpful to have classes for younger children, we cannot view church as our spiritual babysitter.

The responsibility to teach children the truth about God primarily rests upon the father, not the local church (see Deut. 6, Col. 3:20-21, Eph. 6:1-4). Yet, a healthy, gospel-preaching local church can be a tremendous encouragement to growing godly families, especially if the father will intentionally utilize the worship service as a key discipleship tool. A wise, godly father will maximize the impact of the worship service on his family. Here are three ways to do this:

1. Teach them to engage in worship with the right attitude.

Children don’t naturally know what to do or how to behave in worship, so we have a huge opportunity to shape their beliefs about worshiping God from an early age. You can do this by cultivating the right attitude about worship. When you talk about church, do you complain about the length of service, musical choices, pastor’s preaching, etc.? Or are you excited about what is being sung, eager to receive the preaching of the Word, and looking forward to gathering each week? Your kids will learn from you the right attitude about worship.

Another way to shape their beliefs about worship is by preparing them for worship. Perhaps your church publishes the order of service a few days prior; if so, take the time to review the songs that will be sung or read through the preaching passage together. Taking just a few minutes on Saturday evening beforehand to prepare the whole family prioritizes worship.

You can also shape their beliefs by leading them in participation during worship. If you don’t sing, it is unlikely they will sing. If you don’t bring a Bible, they won’t either. They will learn how to worship through imitation. This shouldn’t be a burden, but a blessing! Seize the opportunity to help them learn how to engage in worship appropriately.

2. Teach them to listen well.

The Bible emphasizes being a hearer of the Word. It will be impossible to obey God’s Word if we don’t know it first. Yet, what many of us don’t realize is that listening well is a learned skill. Certainly, our desire to hear plays a big part of this—just talk to your child about ice cream versus cleaning their room and you’ll notice this difference quickly! But we can teach our children how to listen well.

One helpful tool is note-taking for kids. Being able to draw a picture about the sermon, jotting down the main verses used, and tallying the key words of the sermon help the child stay engaged. There are several free templates out there; I found this website’s designs to be helpful. These templates might be “beneath” teens, but the concept is still the same. Investing in a small notebook is a cheap but helpful purchase so they can note the sermon title, key passage and main points. In addition, they can jot down things that were interesting to them, things they have questions about, or things they want to grow in. This gives you an open road for discussion (see point #3 below).

Listening well is an incredibly valuable skill they will use for the rest of their lives. If they listen for repeated words, key verses, and the main points of the sermon outline, they will be able to receive the Word and assimilate it into their hearts more easily.

But once again, all these neat ideas will be undone if you are not modeling good listening. If you as the father have an open Bible and a notebook out to jot down key ideas, your kids will be more inclined to follow your example. What better virtue to instill in them than a desire to receive the Word of God?

3. Teach them to live out their faith.

The Bible does not just talk about hearing the word of God, it also praises those who act on what they hear. The danger of hearing without doing is spelled out in James 1:22- “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” We certainly don’t want to raise self-deceived children who think they are godly simply because they have biblical knowledge!

The goal of listening is application of truth to their lives, not accumulation of knowledge in their heads. Young children usually do not have the maturity to know how to apply the truths they learn. They need you to help them make those connections. One way to do this is to spend a few minutes during the Sunday lunch meal to review what was taught in the service that morning. It will be fresh on everyone’s minds, and if your kids are taking notes in church (or if they bring home a ream of papers from their class), you can use those as prompts to talk about their lesson.

And one last thing—if you are not willing to talk about how God worked in your life, it will be difficult to get your children to open up. Lead by example in this! Be specific with how you plan on living out the truth. Invite them to grow with you and check up on you (I don’t know why 8-year-olds make such good accountability partners, but they do...) By God’s grace, lead with transparency as you show them how a growing Christian lives out their faith.

Conclusion

You may have noticed that there is something repeated in each of the points above: the idea that children learn by imitation. This repetition is intentional. Your example is one of the most powerful teaching tools you have in your arsenal. Though that may be both frightening and inspiring, by God’s grace you can live out your faith and maximize the impact of the worship service on your family.

10 Tips for Family Vacation

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Last week, we visited California on spring break, and the trip went [drumroll please]... surprisingly, pretty well! At the risk of taking credit for God’s blessings and the kindness of others, I wanted to share some factors that made our vacation both restful and productive in terms of family bonding.

So, without any further ado, here are 10 tips for family vacation (in no particular order).

1. Be gone at least a whole week.

Our kids took a day of cuts, and I took extra time off work so that we could be gone for eight days—and I’m so glad we did! By prescribing a couple of weeklong annual feasts for Israel (as well as a Sabbath year!), God set a pattern for “deep rest” in Scripture. If you’re only gone for a weekend, you hardly have time to decompress. Being gone for a full week or more allows for a full “unplug” and “reboot.”

2. Don’t stay with family or friends.

Like most things on this list, this isn’t a hard-and-fast rule. We stayed with friends for two nights, and it was great. However, I am glad that the other six nights, it was just us and our kids. Staying with cousins and Grandma and Grandpa is fun (and cheap!) and important at times, but it doesn’t allow you to bond with your own nuclear family.

God intends for a husband and wife to establish a new family unit independent of their parents (Gen 2:24). A practical application of this principle is to take family vacations where you don’t visit relatives.

3. Plan out your meals.

The Bible encourages wise planning in various areas (Prov 21:5; 27:12; Lu 14:28-33). When planning your trip, you want to set your “big blocks” but leave room to improvise. Since we have five kids, including one celiac daughter, meals are big blocks for our family. In addition, my wife didn’t want to shop or cook on vacation, so it was important for us to schedule a Walmart order delivery and plan basic meals.

Thankfully, we spent nearly half of our time at Camp Ironwood and a couple days with friends, so we didn’t have to worry about meals during those times. But planning the rest of our meals ahead of time helped us save money and avoid decision-making, equalling less stress all around.

4. Help set expectations.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope delayed makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” On our trip, we tried to maximize anticipation and minimize heartache by talking through things ahead of time with our kids.

For instance, we watched a few YouTube videos about Knott’s Berry Farm ahead of time to help the kids get excited. However, we also talked about how we’d spend lots of the day waiting in lines. So, when we had to wait two hours for Ghostrider first thing in the morning, and even then our littles didn’t get to ride it, the kids didn’t fall to pieces.

5. Grab an audiobook for the drives.

Travel days can be a real downer. Give the kids something to look forward to and learn while they’re at it by downloading a good audiobook to experience together. (For us, this was new Patch the Pirate adventures since our kids are little.) This is also a good means of teaching “by the way,” as Deuteronomy 6:7 commands.

6. Give your kids the gift of attention.

It’s tempting to think that spending more money equals giving your kids a better experience, but that is definitely not the case. Some of our kids’ favorite memories from the trip were playing on the beach (free), playing board games in our cabin at Ironwood (also free), and eating Costco pizza and ice cream in our van because it was freezing outside after a long day at the beach (very cheap).

In an age in which we are constantly absorbed with our phones, one of the best gifts we can give to our children is our undivided attention for most of a week. I noticed that our children blossomed when we played with them. Their “love buckets” were filled.

Aren’t you glad that God pays attention to you (1 Pet 3:12)? Use family vacation to give you children the gift of attention.

7. Don’t neglect your time with the Lord.

Sadly, we often spend less time with the Lord while on family vacation. Although our responsibilities are fewer, we are out of our normal routine, which makes meaningful personal and family devotions difficult. That coupled with more selfishness and less discipline can make family vacation a difficult time for temptation!

However, it doesn’t have to be this way. You can still make time for Bible reading and prayer even on family vacation. In fact, vacation can be an opportunity to spend time in meditation and journaling apart from the distractions of everyday life.

One of my favorite things we did on family vacation was to listen to large chunks of Proverbs and Matthew on our drives in the morning. Without my normal devotions routine, I needed these times to set my heart and mind upon Christ (Col 3:1-2).

8. Be frugal but splurge on memorable “moments.”

At Knott’s Berry Farm, we packed a lunch and left the park to eat it, but we allowed the kids to buy a dessert of their choice from the store after that. Two of our children bought giant swirly suckers that they licked for the rest of the day. I got a big piece of Boysenberry fudge (yum!). Little splurges like these can transform a fun experience into an extra-special “core memory” for a child.

Just remember, you don’t always have to spend money to accomplish this goal! Sometimes, extra effort on your part to be goofy, silly, crazy, vulnerable, adventurous, playful, etc. will accomplish the same purpose. Be willing to “spend and be spent” at key times (2 Cor 12:15), and the rewards will be rich.

9. Sleep in a few days.

One of the biggest temptations on family vacation is to pack in too much. I am definitely guilty of this one. God designed us to rest (Ex 20:8-11). And while I genuinely enjoyed all the activities we did on vacation, I am glad there were days we could sleep in a little.

Depending on you and your spouse’s preference and your level of exhaustion going into vacation, you may even need a couple of days just to “do nothing.” Don’t come back from your vacation more tired than when you left! Plan for the rest that you need!

10. Explore new places

When we lived in California, my wife gave me a hard time that we “never visited the same beach twice.” While that’s not totally accurate, it is true that I love exploring new places.

Much has been written on the educational value of travel. Travel gives us an appreciation of other cultures and (if done well) a love for missions. Travel frees us from narrow-mindedness. It helps us be humble when we realize how small we are (Ps 8:3-4). Travel makes us better at relating to people from other cultures. It gives us an appreciation of the diverse beauty God has baked into His world.

Travel can lead to wonder and praise when we admire God’s amazing creation. It opens our minds to new ways of living and solving everyday problems. Travel enables us to build a network of friends that can help us to grow spiritually. And perhaps most importantly, travel allows us to see our own homes in fresh color when we return. Use family vacation to give your children the gift of travel.

I’m so thankful for the trip God gave us last week and for the kind gifts of many that made it possible. I hope that we stewarded the trip well for God’s glory, and I pray that you will have the opportunity to experience meaningful vacations with your family as well.

Cultivating A Christ-Centered Family Focus At Easter

Chris Lynch — Thu, 28 Mar 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Easter is a highlight on the annual calendar for families. The family meal comes standard. Some of the best, social media-worthy family photos are taken when we’re all dressed up for Easter. Many of us have fond family memories enjoying egg hunts or digging into loaded goody baskets from Grandma. And I mean, who doesn’t love giant chocolate bunnies?

When it comes to holidays, Easter trails only Christmas and Halloween in terms of its commercial footprint. Once we pass Valentine’s Day on the calendar, one simply has to walk into the neighborhood supermarket to be reminded that Easter is right around the corner.

For many Americans, the culture of this holiday has a big effect on the mindset about church, too. It’s the one Sunday a year that the typical non-church-goer might actually consider attending a service. Easter commercialism can also affect those who already attend religious services regularly. The need to look your “Easter best” produces a scramble to purchase spring-colored attire every year about this time. According to the National Retail Federation, Americans are expected to spend $4 billion on clothing for Easter this year.

Yes, Easter is a cultural staple. And much of that cultural package is special for our families; the memories surrounding Easter celebrations are precious gifts. This is not an article that will bemoan the evils of egg hunts or candy!

But many of the cultural and commercial elements of Easter are aimed straight at children, and it’s those things that typically fill our children’s minds at Easter. While there may not be anything wrong with goody baskets, candy, egg hunts, or dress-up, should those things be the main attraction of Easter for our kids? Or should we as dads seek to cultivate a very different focus in them this time of year?

For the believer, Easter is about a Person. The purpose of this day is to emphasize and celebrate the victory of Jesus Christ. The centerpiece of Easter is the empty tomb. Jesus rose from the grave to conquer sin and defeat its penalty on behalf of you and your children.

As part of our responsibility to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord Jesus (Eph. 6:4), we must show our kids that Easter isn’t about all the cultural trappings that appeal to them; it’s about the resurrection of their Savior and King. Easter is Resurrection Sunday. Here are a few suggestions for us to consider as dads as we lead our families into this very special, very important day of remembrance.

Prioritize things that help us celebrate Jesus

When it comes to traditional and cultural facets of Easter, very few of them actually serve to point our children to Christ’s victory over death. Even the gift-giving common at Christmas is a direct picture of the gift God gave us in sending Jesus at the incarnation. Cultural Easter largely lacks any such parallels. So while it is not wrong to enjoy the commercial embellishments or family-centered traditions that come with Easter, we are curtailing the focus on Jesus with our children if those things define Easter for our families.

With such a responsibility before us, we should be intentional with every family Easter activity. Easter traditions are valuable for families, but as dads we must think through the “why” behind each one. Bring each facet of the day back to a celebration of Jesus wherever possible. For example, the overflowing goody basket can remind our children of the overflowing blessings that are ours forever because of Jesus’ victory over death. If today is ultimately not about us but about remembering our Savior’s victory, then how can we be purposeful in remembering him in all our activities?

Prioritize corporate worship of Jesus

Speaking of choosing activities that celebrate our Savior’s victory over sin and death, there is no better way to do so than to gather with God’s people and rejoice together in the Resurrection. Believers in the Early Church chose Sunday as their day of worship because it was the day Christ arose, so we actually celebrate this every Sunday! But Easter is a marvelous opportunity to give the Resurrection itself overwhelming worshipful focus.

Nothing you can do on Easter Sunday could possibly be more important than this. And nothing short of sickness should keep us from this. Dads, Resurrection Sunday worship with your church family comes first on Easter.

Don’t just lead your family to be there. Prepare them to passionately participate without distraction. Communicate to them in advance the wonderful truths about what we’re celebrating on this day (see below), and model the joy of what Christ accomplished with your own approach to Easter worship. Proper worship places all the focus of the participant on God himself, not us. So, for example, while our attire can and should communicate the importance of what we are doing, I must teach my daughter that how she looks in that special spring dress can't be the focus. The victory of Jesus must be.

Prioritize the Resurrection story

The Resurrection of Jesus was the culmination of God’s great story of the ages. It’s so much more than just a bright visual of an empty tomb. It’s the most amazing story ever! We must show that reality to our children. Kids are impacted by compelling stories, so constantly going back to the story of Christ at Easter helps our children keep it foremost in their minds.

First of all, remember that Easter is a weeklong story. Dads, walk our families through each part of Christ’s life from Palm Sunday through Easter. Encourage them to imagine what it would be like to be present for each mile-marker of the Passion Week. Take the opportunity to portray the significance of Palm Sunday, the Lord’s supper on Thursday, and the meaning of Good Friday in family Bible time or discussion throughout the week. If your church holds a Good Friday service, I’d encourage you to prioritize your presence there as a family, as well.

Second, don’t neglect the Cross. That weeklong story includes some very hard things. Easter is a happy, bright, vibrant celebration, but it was immediately preceded by a dark, horrific series of events, from Christ’s betrayal to his torturous trial to his gruesome crucifixion to the agonizing and seemingly hopeless three-day period in the tomb. On the cross, Jesus took our sins upon himself and paid God’s just penalty that we deserved. He gave himself in a bloody death so you and your children could have eternal life. The darkness of Good Friday makes all the joyous facets of Easter Sunday that much more meaningful. The Easter story is the story of the cross. Dads, we’ll never go wrong pointing our kids to the cross of Christ.

Prioritize the impact of the Resurrection

Christ did not rise from the dead just so we could have a fun celebration on a springtime Sunday each year. His resurrection means everything for you and your children. The truths behind Easter Sunday are nothing short of eternally transformative. We must not fail to emphasize them to our children at Easter.

The victory of Christ means that the free gift of salvation from the penalty of sin is abundantly available for them if they have not yet trusted in Christ’s work for them. The victory of Christ means that those in him are assured eternal life. The victory of Christ means that those who have been saved by his finished work no longer are enslaved to sin. The victory of Christ means that the life and joy and light so often associated with Easter are present in their hearts because they are in him and risen with him. The victory of Christ means there’s no fear of death because he’s conquered its sting for us–and so much more!

The truths of the resurrection also spur us to share this wonderful news. There’s no more effective evangelist than a child who has grasped the amazement of the victory of Jesus and is excited to share it with neighbors and friends! Encourage them to creatively take the opportunity to share what so excites them about Easter with others!

What we are celebrating on Easter is nothing less than the best news that your children could hear. No focus could be more full of hope and joy and life and meaning. Why would we cloud that glory with too much emphasis on the cheaper, temporal distractions of “cultural Easter”? Dad’s, let’s let lead our families in prioritizing the celebration of the glorious, death-defying resurrection of our Lord and Savior!

Speaking So They Will Listen

Clay Gibbons — Wed, 20 Mar 2024 06:00:00 GMT

Out of all the parenting tools we have in our toolbox, the most used (and possibly the most valuable!) is our speech. Loving and teaching our children takes place verbally everyday. As James expresses, our tongues can be tools for great edification or terrible grief. Too often we speak hastily, out of untethered emotion, brusquely, or impatiently; the list could continue. There are times that the content of our speech is good and true, yet the delivery is poor and so the message is not received.

After all, communication, like a good round of catch in the backyard, is a two party exercise. There is the sending and the receiving, the speaking and the listening. We could make lists of how our children sin against us as fathers because they are not following the biblical instructions to be good listeners. Yet children are only responsible for half of the arrangement. We as fathers are responsible for the more important half of sending truth. We have the God-given duty as the steward of their souls to "speak the truth in love." To put it another way: we must tell them the truth, in a loving and careful way, with the intended result that they listen, receive, accept and embed it in their souls.

So then, how can we improve our speaking? Our message may be rejected because we choose a poor time to deliver it or we deliver it in the wrong way. The object here is not to consider what to say, but when and how to say it. Solomon captures this idea well when he says: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver." Fathers, let us prayerfully identify times when listening is difficult and speak so that our children will listen.

Poor Circumstances

When they are tired:

You would think this point is obvious but I still find myself wanting to talk and attempt to uncover heart attitudes at 10:00 at night when all I see is weariness in their eyes. I need to learn to wait. At 10:00 at night our children don't have the physical strength to listen well or work through the process of rebuke and repentance. They might be willing, but exhaustion prevents them. Normally, it can wait until morning.

When they have a broken spirit

You might be able to relate to this scenario. For weeks your family has anticipated a big event (match/recital/performance). Your child has been resisting your attempts to help them diligently prepare. Instead, they have delayed and only half-heartedly made an effort. The day comes and they lose the match/fail the audition/flub the recital. Their spirit is deeply bruised and any heart to heart talks might not be welcome.

The emotional response following the let down pushes out their capacity to listen. This seems to be what Moses encountered in Exodus 6:9 when he was bringing good news to an enslaved Israel. The Israelites couldn't hear it because of their great grief. What might be the better choice? Give it a day or two and then revisit. This also seems to be the approach of Job's friends (Job 2:13). They chose to sit with him and wait for seven days before speaking.

When they are distracted

Here is another obvious time to avoid that is especially applicable today. Solomon repeatedly calls for his son's attention; he asks for his son's ear and mind (Proverbs 4:1–2). It is not a good idea to begin family worship while your child has a video game or tablet in their hands. We have tried to plant the discipline of "stop, look, and listen" when we are giving instruction or having a weighty conversation. We have learned, especially when they are younger, that sometimes if their hands are slightly busy then their minds might be able to focus more on what is being said. For others, their hands must be empty. When trying to speak truth to their little hearts, our goal is to choose a time when we can have their attention without battling outside distractions.

Poor Approach

As fathers we might err by choosing poor times to have deeper discussions, but if you are like me, you might struggle more with speaking truth in a loving way.

Listening before Speaking

A sure way to close the ears of our children is to judge a matter before we hear it (John 7:51). You come upon a scene where you think the child needs a father's rebuke (which might be true) and the child says, "Wait dad you don't understand!" I think the loving, scriptural move is to pause and listen. Hear their hurt with love and then correct while speaking to them in love.

Honestly and Gently

If you attended pre-marital counseling you might have been told to avoid using absolutes when you are having a disagreement with your spouse. This is good advice; often in the heat of the moment we tend to exaggerate. As fathers our words carry more weight. When we speak rashly, Scripture compares our tongues to swords (Prov. 12:18). This is not a positive comparison! Our rash words tear their hearts and crush their spirits. Our words fuel their anger and exasperate them. We must be so careful to speak gently and accurately lest we cut their hearts and emotionally push them away.

Speak Softly

One of the first verses we learned as a family was Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath..." This past year, living in the close quarters of a London flat, we have come to view the importance of this verse on an entirely deeper level. We can hear much of our neighbors through shared doors and walls, which means the reverse is true.

We began to think very carefully about the volume of our speech and realized we tended to be quite loud. This was true even when we were not correcting our children but just going about our day as normal. Proverbs 15:1 and 17:27 encourages us to speak with controlled volume and with restraint. Speaking loudly is like smashing a serve in table tennis: it is either missed entirely or smashed in return. While this is fine behavior for table tennis, it is not for a father! Let us speak firmly, with control, yet softly.

Speak Constructively

We fathers tend not to be satisfied with anything less than stellar effort and performance from our children. Maybe this is stereotypical "dad talk", but think of how often this happens in sports. Your son makes an excellent play in grabbing a hard hit ground ball and instinctively throws to first base, missing the play at third. Too often all we see is the mistake and miss the good. This may be very well intentioned because we know what our children are capable of, and since we are desperate to see them succeed, we continue to be critical.

Dad, don't miss the times to praise your kids (Proverbs 16:24). Those moments are massive credits in their little hearts. In a conversation with my wife last week I was telling her how proud I was of one of our older sons as he had been kind and supportive to his little brother. She said to me, "You need to tell him that!" I was surprised; yes, I did need to tell him. It's always easier to talk about someone rather than talk to them. We often praise our children to other dads and maybe even to our wife but not directly to them. Let's build them up with praise so when it comes time to correct them, their hearts are not depleted.

In all things Christ can save us from our unwise and unloving tongues. He is our example, in knowing how to speak at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. He rebuked strongly in the temple and yet He also welcomed the little ones gently. Let us look to Him as our example and our sanctification. May He sanctify our fatherly speech so our children will listen and receive the truth of God.

Leading Your Family Through A Move

Andrew Lee — Tue, 12 Mar 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Screams echoed down to the basement as I sat on the couch for a few minutes to review some moving details. My family had moved into our rental that afternoon after two days of driving from South Carolina to Wisconsin. Things were winding down––we had just gotten back from grabbing supper as a family and our boys were getting ready for bed. In a moment of excitement, one of the boys had shut a door quickly and his younger brother had gotten his finger caught in the door. As I headed up to see what was going on, my uninjured son started to yell for help for his brother too. Within a few minutes, we left my sister-in-law with the other kids and my wife drove to the children’s hospital while I sat in the back and held my son’s hand in a towel. I spent most of our first night in Wisconsin in the ER, waiting on an excellent hand surgeon to come and sew the finger back together.

Transitions, like moving, are hard. They put a lot of pressure on our families. How can we as fathers lead our families well through the transitions God gives to us? Here are some lessons I learned as our family moved this last August.

Embrace the unexpected.

James 4:13-17 warns us against planning without acknowledging God’s right to adjust our plans. The passage doesn’t say live an unplanned life - God is orderly and planning well is part of stewardship. We are supposed to use our time wisely and do as much good as we can, but we have to keep in mind that our plans are always in submission to God’s plans. The more plans you have, the more likely something is to change. Moving requires so many plans, but we must hold those plans with an open hand.

God provides opportunities for us to grow as he changes plans. The night I was in the hospital gave me time to think about how God had led our family to Wisconsin. God used that quiet time after all the mayhem of the last few months to see how he led my family. Even as I sat wondering whether my son’s finger could be repaired, God reminded me that I could trust him. When God changes our plans, it is always good for us.

Accept help.

God hasn’t designed us to live alone. Even from the earliest pages of Scripture in the creation account, we find that God doesn’t want Adam to be alone. In the time that we live in now, God has established the church as a place for followers of Jesus to live in dependence on one another. God has gifted each believer with specific gifts to use in the church to help each other.

It’s easy as a man to feel independent. I want to try and do things on my own, but usually that is just my pride that prevents me from letting others use their skills to be a blessing to me and my family. So many people helped us pack, provided food for us, and helped us unpack and set up when we arrived. As I look back, we couldn’t have made the move without the help of so many friends.

Even if you think you have it under control, I would encourage you as a father to accept help from others. You’re giving them an opportunity to serve and your family a chance to see God’s care through the people around you. Don’t forget to thank God and the people that help you!

Maintain family rhythms.

When things get busy, it’s easy to neglect really important times as a family. Moving can be one of the busiest times of family life. You’re always going to have something else that you could be doing, but don’t neglect spending time together as a family. Prioritize spending time talking about God, reading Scripture, and praying.

I can remember several really special conversations throughout the months of moving when we spent time as a family focused on the Lord . We aren’t going to skip eating for weeks on end as we prepare for a move, and we shouldn’t stop feeding our family from the Word during that time either. Other family fun times like playing games or Saturday mornings enjoying pancakes for breakfast also provided some stability and normalcy as we spent many hours packing.

Think about what family rhythms you can maintain as you move. You don’t just do it for efficiency, but your kids (and you!) will be much more refreshed for the times of work if they have fun times to look forward to in the chaos.

Rest.

This might seem simple (or impossible), but God established patterns for rest right from the first week of history. After every day comes night. God made us to sleep at night. One day out of every seven we have an opportunity to rejoice in his good gifts and worship him. Don’t cheat yourself out of these on a regular basis. There are obviously times that we stay up at night (in the ER with a child, for example), but the regular pattern should be to get enough rest so that you can function well to God’s glory.

Emphasize the good.

When we told our boys about moving to Wisconsin, we weren’t sure how they would respond. They had friends and relatives that they would be leaving behind. My wife and I decided that the best way to tell them was to focus on the snow that they could enjoy in Wisconsin. They were so excited about moving! Of course, there were hard goodbyes along the way, but throughout the whole move they talked about looking forward to playing in the snow soon.

Philippians 4:8 calls us to focus our thinking on things that are worthy of praise. This isn’t simply positive thinking, but rather a focus on what has eternal value. The snow is a bit of a humorous example, but when we focus on what is true about God in uncertain times, the result found in verse 9 is that the God of peace will be with us. Peace is not the first thing you might think of when describing a move, but God promises something better than a feeling. He promises his presence.

My son’s finger healed beautifully and we love our new church family and Wisconsin. As I think back on these lessons learned in a time of transition, I realize that they’re always important as I lead my family. Moving just provided extra pressure that revealed their significance. I certainly did not lead in these areas perfectly, but I’m thankful for God’s grace through Jesus to offer forgiveness and the chance to continue growing. I hope you are able to lead your family well through whatever transitions God puts in your future.

Cultivating Your Child’s Heart Towards Missions

Brett Stowe — Tue, 05 Mar 2024 07:00:00 GMT

In Deuteronomy 6, when Yahweh was establishing His pattern whereby multiple generations of Israelites would pass on the teachings given to them, He tells His people, “You shall teach them (the commandments) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise (6:7, parentheses mine).” The implication is that any teaching that is desired to be passed down from generation to generation must come from the parents. If dads are the head of the home, then the responsibility ultimately falls on them to lead in this initiative (Eph. 5:23-24).

One of the teachings that Christian dads should work to prioritize is that of missions. It is at the very core of our faith, yet, without intentionality, it can be a neglected topic. One of the reasons for this is because the topic of missions is often neglected in our own lives as fathers. If we are not careful, we can separate missions as something that other people do or consider but not us. So, dad, as you seek to implement the following ideas, don’t neglect to cultivate a heart and desire for missions in your own life.

1. Teach the Scriptures With Missions in Mind.

If we want our children to understand why the topic of missions is so important and foundational to the Christian faith, we must stop treating it as a separate category of sanctification or something we think of as “next-level Christianity.” The way to do this is to understand the big picture of the Scriptures. God has revealed Himself and His redemptive plan in the Bible, and it is our responsibility to study, learn, and do what He has revealed. This requires that we go deeper in our study of the Scriptures so that we move beyond the Biblical narratives and moral principles to the missional thread that runs from Genesis to Revelation. We then see texts like these…

Exodus 9:16 - But for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth.
Amos 9:11-12 - In that day I will raise up the booth of David that is fallen and repair its breaches, and raise up its ruins and rebuild it as in the days of old, that they may possess the remnant of Edom and all the nations who are called by my name, declares the LORD who does this” (Quoted in Acts 15:16-17 in reference to the Gospel advance to the Gentiles).
John 10:16 - And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.
Revelation 5:9-10 - And they sang a new song, saying, “Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.”

Once we see this missional thread throughout the Scriptures, we can then teach the Biblical narratives and moral principles to our children within the scope of God’s redemptive plan.

2. Encourage Your Kids to Read Missionary Biographies.

One of the most effective tools that I have found in cultivating my own heart for missions is that of missionary biographies. There is something about reading the stories, testimonies, and journeys of faithful, yet flawed, saints who have gone before us that ignites Gospel passion in our hearts. Many of the stories that I know today were read to me when I was a child, and I continue to find encouragement in my own ministry by reading the stories of those whom God has used to build His Church. If you are looking for some missionary biographies to begin with, you can start with these…

To the Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson, Courtney, Anderson
Andrew Murray: Christ’s Anointed Minister to South Africa, Vance Christie
Through Gates of Splendor, Elisabeth Elliot
By Searching: My Journey Through Doubt Into Faith, Isobel Kuhn
Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret, Howard Taylor.
Christian Heroes: Then & Now series by YWAM Publishing

3. Host Missionary Families.

Allowing your children to rub shoulders with families who not only live overseas but also serve in Gospel ministry is an incredible blessing. This teaches them biblical hospitality, but it also gives them the opportunity to hear, around the dinner table, what God is doing in other parts of the world. For some families, the idea of hosting may seem a bit daunting, but this doesn’t need to be complicated.

If you are not able to have the missionary family over for a meal, consider taking them out to eat. Perhaps, dad, you and the missionary father could connect for coffee and bring your children along. If the missionary couple is younger with children, then consider having a play date while you guys chat. The important point here is that you are intentionally placing before your children those who have committed their lives to laboring overseas. I promise, your kids will remember this!

4. Take Your Children Overseas.

This idea might seem like the most daunting, and it is, but the impact that it will have on your children is far worth the investment. When your children are able to see and experience a culture outside of their own, they learn how small they are. This lesson can be redirected to teaching them how big their God is.

When your children come face-to-face with kids their age that have very little and are unsure where their next meal will come from, they are changed by this. When your children see that they don’t need an air-conditioned building, padded seats, musical instruments, and a coffee shop (although I am sympathetic), to do the work of the ministry, their mindset is transformed. Taking your children overseas may be one of the most expensive investments you make, but the return will be worth it as their hearts are stirred for the cause of Christ.

5. Pray for Missionaries.

Another way that we can encourage our children to grow in their love for missions is to pray for missionaries. As we pray for missionaries, we are reminded that there is a need for the Gospel to be proclaimed worldwide. There are many tools that can be helpful in following the needs and requests of missionaries.

It's possible that your church has a missionary prayer booklet that you can use to pray through. You can receive monthly or bi-monthly newsletters from some missionaries. The discipline of praying for missionaries can help develop your child's heart for the Great Commission.

Conclusion

We are totally dependent on God to stir our children’s hearts towards missions. We can teach the Scriptures to them, read biographies to them, expose them to missionary families, and even take them overseas, but unless God does a work in their hearts none of the previously suggested ideas will matter.

So, after hearing all of these recommendations, dads, I encourage you to pray! Pray first that God would save our children’s souls! Pray that Christ would be the Treasure of our children’s hearts! Pray that God and His mission would be the overwhelming passion of their life! And, pray that whether they go or stay, they will serve Christ with their life!

How Do I Help My Child Stop Lying?

John Dalrymple — Tue, 27 Feb 2024 07:00:00 GMT

It’s hard not to smile the first time you watch your toddler reporting that he didn’t eat any cookies while chocolate chips are smeared all over his face and hands. But it’s not a laughing matter. Lying is dangerous and can be deadly.

The Truth about Lying

Our children are liars from birth (Psalm 58:3) and while much of their untruth involves exaggeration or imagination when they are young, it’s dangerous to allow children to continue down the path of falsehood. The end is judgment and death.

“You destroy those who speak lies; the LORD abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.” (Psalm 5:6)
“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.” (Proverbs 19:9)
“But as for…all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8)

What is lying? To lie is to affirm in speech or writing something you believe to be false. There are many different forms of lying—including rationalization, plagiarism, slander, or just conveniently leaving out certain facts from a story. Many people seem to consider lying a rather minor offense that should be avoided. But the truth is that lying brings pain, it destroys relationships, and it ruins people’s lives. [^1]

Ultimately, lying is a problem because it breaks God’s law (Ex. 20:16) and contradicts his character.

“God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?” (Numbers 23:19)
“in hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began” (Titus 1:2)

Why does my child lie?

Kids and teens lie for all types of different reasons. Sometimes these are influenced by significant life changes.

To impress others – A child might fabricate fantastic stories for friends so that they are amazed. When they are young, these exaggerations may be absurd (like owning a pet unicorn or traveling to the moon).
To gain attention – If disobedience is one of the few times you have significant interaction (albeit negative) with your child, they might lie partly to get your attention.
To avoid something – Kids will go out of their way to weasel out of responsibility or punishment or to avoid embarrassment by lying.

7 ways to help your child stop lying

1. Teach regularly about lying

Don’t wait to give instruction until it’s time to give correction. Take initiative by regularly teaching about God’s blessing for honesty and the consequences for lying. Consider studying the stories in Genesis that include lying (Resource Link) with your child or searching the Bible for other instances where someone lied or told the truth. For young children, you also might benefit from a resource such as “Gwen Tells Tales: When It's Hard to Tell the Truth” by Ed Welch. This beautiful and helpful book is part of New Growth Press’s “Good News for Little Hearts” series.

2. Model honesty and confession

Your children are listening to your conversations and watching your lifestyle. Be an example of integrity by refusing to exaggerate or misinform others with your words or your actions. Avoid any appearance of deception and when you do fall into falsehood, courageously confess your sin and ask for forgiveness in front of your kids.

3. Give warnings and reminders

There are times when our children are put into situations where they will be tempted to lie about something they’ve done (or not done). Anticipate these temptations and acknowledge them for your child. In John 13, Jesus predicted that Peter would deny him and lie three times. Then in the following chapters, he went on to remind them of His love for them and His plan to send them a helper, the “Spirit of truth” (John 14:17).

4. Welcome the truth

Before asking your child or teen if they did something wrong, you might say something like, “Son, in just a moment, you might be tempted to lie to me…I want you to know that I love you and that the best thing you could do right now is to tell me the truth, even though that’s hard to do.” This won’t always mean that you can reward them for telling you the truth—especially if their confession requires correction, however, you can praise them for choosing truthfulness and celebrate honesty in your home.[^2]

5. Correct for dishonesty

Lying is serious and must not be minimized. The form of punishment will differ depending on the offense but you should not simply ignore or overlook dishonesty. Correction must never be a means of venting your frustration. It must be calculated and consistent, demonstrating to the child that deception is dangerous and destructive. [^3] Correcting your child when they are young will reap lasting benefits for them.

6. Replace Lying with Truth-telling

In Ephesians 4, Paul explains that it’s not enough just to stop lying. “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor…” (Eph. 4:25). Have your child exchange a pattern of lying with a practice of truth-telling. This is essential if your child will find lasting success in this area. Consider having your child actually practice verbalizing the truth out loud.

7. Don’t Label Your Child as a Liar

Finally, recognize that your child is not defined by their actions. If you talk to others (including your spouse and your child’s siblings) about their struggle with lying, do it privately and for the purpose of prayer. Don’t needlessly tell others about your child’s struggles who have no part in the solution. That’s called gossip.

If your child is a Christian, remind them that they are a child of the God who cannot lie (Heb 6:18) and they are a follower of Jesus who is the truth (John 14:6). By God’s grace, they are being renewed into the image of their creator!

“Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” - Colossians 3:9–10

[^1]: In fact, recent research suggests that lying may even have a long term effect on our ability to remember. [^2]: Another simple way to welcome the truth is to not react strongly, even if what they say is shocking or disturbing. If you become angry or disapproving when they tell you the truth, they will probably avoid telling you in the future. [^3]: When it’s possible, consult with your spouse and pray about the appropriate form (and severity) of punishment for that particular situation.

Job An Exemplary Father

M.J. Hancock — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 07:00:00 GMT

God has set before us an extensive tapestry of characters throughout Biblical history for our consideration and imitation. He calls us to follow these men where they excelled and take heed of where they failed (Rom. 4:12; 1 Cor. 10:6, 11). Many of the fathers throughout Scriptures teach us more from their failures than their successes, but the Lord has preserved a handful of positive examples for our hope and endurance. One of the most outstanding examples of a godly father is briefly portrayed for us in the life of Job.

The book of Job begins describing the godly character of this man. He was “blameless and upright, one who feared God and shunned evil” (1:1). Then Lord himself describes Job with these same terms, commending Job as the godliest man of his generation (1:8). Certainly, such a life is worthy of our consideration in our pursuit of walking in a manner fully pleasing to the Lord (Col. 1:10).

Job lived an exemplary life in several aspects (cf. Job 31), but in verse five of this first chapter, we see the fruit of true godliness exemplified in his family life. The Spirit of God specifically illustrates what it looks like to fear the Lord by showing us Job’s inner thoughts and desires as a father and painting a vivid scene of Job gathering his children to offer sacrifices.

And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually. (Job 1:5)

What an exemplary pattern of a godly father, in both heart and habit! We see Job’s heart as he watched and prayed for his children, and we see his habit as he continually leads his family to the place of cleansing.

The heart of a godly father: he watches and prays for his children.

Job and his wife had labored for years to train up their ten children, and now what a joy it must have been for them to witness in their grown children the fruit of their labors and the transforming grace of God. Job and his wife had disciplined their children, and now their children gave them rest and delight (Prov. 29:17). The arguing days had passed; now the kids had learned to live together in unity, welcoming one another with hospitality, serving one another graciously, and enjoying each other’s company (1:4).

Though Job rejoiced in all this, he still carried in his heart a fatherly concern for his children’s purity. His children had matured and were living morally by all outward appearance, but he still watched for their inner purity. He remained active in his children’s lives, keeping the communication lines open, observing their way of life, and trying to discern what was in their hearts. It was not enough that everything seemed right in their relationships with each other, he strove diligently to ensure that they were right with God. He knew his children were born in sin (Job 14:4). He knew they still had a nature so prone to wander from the Lord and so vulnerable to the deceitfulness of sin. He knew the dangers of youth (i.e. thoughtlessness, love of pleasure, fear of man, and pride), and he was personally acquainted with the particular temptations of the rich (i.e. self-sufficiency, forgetfulness of God, and pride). All this made Job watchful toward his children, lest any one of them take the initial steps of turning away from the Lord.

More importantly, Job’s watchfulness led to his prayerfulness. He knew his influence only went so far, so he constantly looked to the Lord for the cleansing, renewal, and preservation of his children’s hearts. He believed that God worked in powerful ways in answer to his prayers (Job. 12:4), so he continued to pray earnestly and expectantly for each of his sons and daughters. Though he no longer gently carried them in his arms, he still devotedly held them in his heart and continually offered up each one by name to the Lord. He solemnly bore this responsibility as the leader of his family. He must watch his children and intercede for them, ensuring that each one under his influence remained pure in heart before the Lord. Do we fear the Lord like this? Do we love our children like this? O Lord, give us grace as fathers to grow in this kind of watchfulness and prayerfulness.

The habit of a godly father: he continually leads his family to the place of cleansing.

After his children spent a week of feasting, Job specifically called them to the sacrifice. Though fun and games had their place, sober seasons of dealing with sin were essential for keeping the family clean before God. So, with what influence he had, Job called all of his children to rise early on that first day of the week with a mind set on seeking the Lord. Job had a lamb for each child and requested each one to be present, perhaps even inviting each to directly participate. Every son and daughter needed to witness the shedding of blood and the burning up of the flesh. They needed to solemnly consider the holiness of God, the seriousness of sin, and God’s required means for appeasing his wrath and restoring their relationship with him. As they all stood to watch the smoke ascending to heaven, they needed that assurance their living Redeemer had smelled the pleasing aroma and had made atonement for their sin.

Job did all this continually. He was a busy man, managing an estate with over 10,000 animals. But Job committed his time, his effort and his financial resources to maintain this habit. He feared the Lord and loved his family, so he refused to give up gathering them around the altar.

Do we fear the Lord like this? Do we love our children like this? O Lord, give us hearts like this and enable us to maintain family habits like this. Help us continually lead our children to your means of cleansing, the Word of God and prayer (1 Tim. 4:5; Jn. 15:3). And help us not neglect to lift up Christ before our families. Please help us to keep on pointing our children to the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world–and the sins of our own family. Lord, draw near to our children to open their eyes and unplug their ears that they may respond to gospel truth. Affect their hearts with the seriousness of sin and the blessedness of being forgiven and cleansed through Jesus’ blood. Please, O Lord, let each child you have entrusted to our care grow up to fear you and hate evil, to love you and delight in living pure in heart. Hear our prayers and bless our homes, for Jesus’ sake. Amen.

Feeling Like A Failure

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 13 Feb 2024 07:00:00 GMT

Do you ever feel like a failure in your parenting? It’s ok to admit it; I feel like a “dad-fail” sometimes myself. And from what other dads have told me, I’m not alone, which means you aren’t alone either.

This sense of failure isn’t predictable. Things seem to be fine, and then maybe a little discouragement blossoms into this full-fledged battle with failure. It’s difficult to anticipate when these days will come, but when they do, it’s hard to shake the feeling. Days can go by where the grip of failure overwhelms you and discourages you from the important calling God has given you as a husband and father.

How do you pull out of the funk of feeling like a failure? Like most spiritual battles, the truth will set us free (John 8:32). People who point us back to the truth are valuable resources in these moments. I have one close friend that I reach out to in my lowest moments, and he is always ready to encourage me, pray for me, and direct my thoughts back to truth. It is clinging to truth that helps me walk through the valley into the sunshine again.

An Incomplete Picture

The truth that I’ve been meditating on recently as I’ve battled feelings of failure has been this: I can see only an incomplete picture.

Last fall we did several improvements to the exterior of our house: a new roof, painted the siding, reframed the garage, changed the trim color, changed the house numbers, etc. I’m not a handyman by any stretch of the imagination, but I can plod along. So each week we chipped away a little at a time at the projects. Half-way through the project, Google Maps updated our street view picture, after the siding was painted but before the trim color was changed! Based on that picture, our “improvements” failed. And that’s what happens with these feelings of failure: we snap a mental photo half-way through a project, and to us, our parenting looks like a disaster.

Three Promises from God

My perspective is so limited: I can’t see my child’s heart, nor do I know the plan God has for him or her. Instead of allowing the natural ups and downs of parenting to dictate my feelings, I need to remember God’s promises and trust his Word. When you feel like a failure, here are three promises of God to remember and cling to.

1. Philippians 1:6 – God will complete the work.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Every child belongs to God. He graciously uses us to raise these children to love and follow Christ. What a comfort it is, and how much pressure is lifted from our shoulders, when we remember that God will complete the work.

I’m ashamed at how often I’ve forgotten that God is at work in my boys’ hearts. It may not seem like things are going well, but if God is “on the job”, he will see the process of their growth and development through to the end. What you are seeing now is just part of the journey; who knows at what stage God has you and your family in. He can be trusted; he will complete the work.

2. Galatians 6:7 – It takes time to reap a spiritual harvest.

Galatians 6:7 is known as the law of sowing and reaping: “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”

One aspect of this law of sowing and reaping is that you always reap later than you sow. Godliness takes time to appear. Therefore, we can take encouragement from Galatians 6:9- “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

There is no magical formula for parenting, no “easy button” to push to make everything better. The slow grind of raising your children often feels frustrating. It’s like running on a treadmill—a lot of motion but no forward progress.

Just like I’m no handyman, neither am I a farmer. However, I suspect that a farmer who expects a crop to ripen just a few days after planting it will not be in the farming business for long. He will feel like a failure if he expects results prematurely.

Godly parenting takes the long view; it aims to shape the hearts of children to love Jesus with all their hearts and follow Jesus for the rest of their lives. That level of commitment does not ripen overnight, but it can be watered and fed each day. Proverbs 22:6 agrees: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This isn’t a blanket promise, but a principle that affirms this law of sowing and reaping. When you feel like a failure, take the long view and keep planting the truth of Scripture deep in the hearts of your children.

3. Psalm 55:22 – God will sustain you.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” God invites us to cast our burdens on him, and he promises to strengthen us.

1 Peter 5:6-7 quotes Psalm 55:22: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” Casting your burden on the Lord is a sign of humility, and only the humble receive God’s grace.

Closing Encouragements

Most men don’t like help, and most men don’t like to admit weakness. It takes humility to acknowledge your limitations and failures. Yet it is in that humiliation that we receive grace from the Lord.

My friend, allow the feelings of failure to humble you and provoke you to run back to the Lord. The feelings the enemy uses to discourage you can be the same feelings the Lord uses to grow you in grace.

No dad who clings to God’s promises is a failure. Don’t be weary, my friend; press on in your parenting!

Recommended Resources: “I frequently feel like a father failure” by Mark Ward.

How Can Christian Dads Manage Their Households Well?

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 06 Feb 2024 07:00:00 GMT

“He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?” (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

“Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well..” (1 Timothy 3:12)

Management—depending on your personality, that might be either an exciting or dirty word for you. Some men love being in management at work, while others hate it. Some men may even turn down a raise to avoid being made managers.

Well, if you’re a dad, then I’ve got news for you: you’re in management! Like it or not, God has called you to be a manager in your home.

According to 1 Timothy 3, in order to qualify for pastor or deacon, a man must be good at managing his household. Since all Christian men should aspire to qualify for the office of deacon (even if they never end up serving in that position), we should all seek to excel in household management! But how do we do that, and what does that even mean?

One common objection to this concept might be, “The home is my wife’s domain.” That’s both true and false. Certainly, God has called moms to be “keepers at home” (Titus 2:5). There are many aspects of household management that your wife is better equipped to handle than you are—and that’s a good thing! Decorating, cooking meals, taking care of young children—these are all areas where a Christian wife will typically take the lead.

Paul even goes so far as to instruct young widows to marry, have children, and “manage” their houses (1 Timothy 5:14). So household management is a shared responsibility between husbands and wives. However, according to Ephesians 5:23, the husband is the head of the house, and this role involves management, as we have already seen.

So how can dads learn to manage their households? Here are six very practical ways to grow in this area.

1. Love your wife and provide for her needs (Eph 5:25–33).

The first command Paul gives to husbands after telling them they are the “head” in Ephesians 5:23 is to love their wives! This involves providing for your wife’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

For instance, does she need an hour to sit on the couch and talk a few times a week? Then make sure that she gets it! Does she need time away from the kids to read her Bible, exercise, or just get out of the house every once in a while? Help her to schedule those things and make sure that you are available to help make it happen.

Any management guru would tell you taking care of your people is essential to good management. As a husband, your wife is your “person.” Prioritize caring for her, and you will excel.

2. Love, teach, and discipline your children.

In 1 Timothy 3, when Paul explains what he means by “rules his house well,” he immediately turns to the raising of children. This makes sense, since the most important part of any household are the people who live there! In other words, household management is not just about fixing the car or managing the budget. Even more importantly, it is about discipling your children.

Of course, that’s what Growing Fathers is all about. For more information on how to be a good parent, read through posts on Parenting here. But to summarize, being a good dad means loving your children, teaching them the gospel/how to live a life that pleases God, and disciplining them when they sin.

3. Engage in wise financial planning.

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8)

One of the most catastrophic ways for a dad to fail his family is not to provide for them financially. This could happen in several ways.

He does not hold down a job that provides sufficient income.
He fails to budget and gets into credit card debt.
He does not have life insurance or fails to save for retirement.
He makes risky investments in hopes of getting rich quick.

Any one of these things could sink a family. And yet many dads are lazy, selfish, or unrealistic enough to fall into these traps. Don’t let it happen to you or your family!

4. Use a shared calendar.

There are two reasons why this one is important. First, the calendar is important because it sets your family’s priorities. There’s an adage that if you want to control an organization’s priorities, take over its budget and calendar. The fact is that none of us has time to do it all. So managing what gets on the calendar is very important.

Second, a shared calendar will help you and your wife stay on the same page. Communication is vital to management. If the various players don’t know what each other is doing, they won’t be able to work together effectively. The same is true in your household. If your wife doesn’t know about that work party next Saturday or you don’t know about your wife’s doctor’s appointment, it is going to cause conflict.

The best way to manage a shared calendar is to use an app like iCal or Google Calendar that allows you to merge several calendars and sync them in real time. Every time I add an appointment at work, it syncs to my wife’s phone. Of course, she can uncheck that calendar if her view is too cluttered, but that way she has all of the info she needs at her fingertips.

5. Fix stuff that breaks.

Over the past year, I have come to realize that part of being a good dad is learning to enjoy fixing stuff. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish our house and cars were brand new and that I could afford to call the repairman every time there was an issue with the dishwasher. But this is a pipe dream. Unless you’re Devin Booker or something, none of us lives in that reality.

What’s more, not staying on top of basic maintenance can really cost your family in the long run! For instance, ignoring that water dripping from underneath the bathroom sink could lead to a catastrophic repair. This is not to mention the hassle and annoyance it is for your family to live with things that don’t work right.

The good news is that with YouTube; your dad, father-in-law, or some other friend who knows how to fix stuff; and a good Home Depot, you too can learn to replace your bathroom faucet. Be kind to your family (and to yourself) and learn to enjoy fixing things.

6. Get rid of the clutter and keep things organized.

One of the things that can drown a household is clutter. One of my mentors told me once that the goal of organization is being able to locate anything you own in two minutes or less. Now that’s an ideal to shoot for! It sure would save me a lot of time if that were true of my life.

However, the reason that many of us can’t seem to stay organized is that we keep way too much stuff! For instance, we park our expensive cars in the driveway because our garages are full. Our junk drawers are perpetually getting stuck, and when you open the closet, it avalanches on you.

Our propensity to hoard is related to our sin nature, but it can have very bad consequences. Having too much stuff creates stress, eats up time, and distracts from the people in our lives. For more information on minimizing your home, check out this article on accepting God-given limitations.

7. Help develop systems to keep things running smoothly.

This one is vital. I’ve been reading up on systems lately, and it’s been rather fascinating. Did you know that every successful business runs on effective systems? Why? Because we are creatures of habit, and in order to make progress in a complex world, we must put certain behaviors on “autopilot.”

One example of a system that would really help your family is a chore chart. For more on that, check out my article and making a chore chart. Other examples of helpful family systems would be a bedtime routine for your kids or a morning routine for you.

What are the results of becoming a good household manager? First, according to 1 Timothy 3, you qualify for spiritual leadership in the church (a big deal!). However, more importantly, becoming a good household manager means that your family is happy and well-cared for. Isn’t that result worth the effort?

Targets for Raising Godly Men

Kit Johnson — Tue, 30 Jan 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Every Christian parent of boys (at least those reading this blog) wants our boys to become strong men, but what makes a great man? Is it that he can fix his own car? Maybe a real man has a great jump shot or can hit a baseball hard. Some of the old farmers I grew up around believed that real men never wear shorts. You get the point. We often have drastically different visions of manhood, and these differing visions shape how we parent.

This is a problem because if we cannot clearly distinguish what is essential to biblical manhood from what is nonessential, we risk raising a cheap imitation. For example, it would be tragic if your boy grows up thinking he is manly because he knows how to fix cars or can dominate the court, but he is ill-equipped and unmotivated to lead his home. We also risk alienating our boys or casting undue pressure on them if they aren’t drawn to the same nonessential marks we are. Your boy may feel defeated and insecure because he isn’t mechanical, athletic, or rugged like dad. Our society feasts on this insecurity by telling them that maybe they aren’t really a man. They use caricatures of manhood based on nonessentials to create terrible confusion.

This doesn’t mean we don’t teach the nonessentials. Every dad has interests, hobbies, and skills. Sharing them with your boys can be a valuable way to connect with them and build strong character. They also help a young man build confidence, social skill, and maybe even the means to provide for his future family. We just have to make sure we clearly distinguish essentials from nonessentials and prioritize the right targets.

What are the right targets? What is essential to biblical manhood? John Piper offers a good summary when he says, “At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships” (Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, p. 35). I like that. Godly men are “benevolent” leaders, providers, and protectors. Because God has given men these responsibilities, he has generally wired many of the nonessential qualities of manhood into boys. Men are rugged because leaders are tough. We like to build things because we were made to provide. We like war stories because we were made to protect. All these are great, but they are simply a means of reaching the goal of benevolent leadership, provision, and protection. Parents, remain focused on the primary targets.

Therefore, every boy parent should think carefully about how to raise a benevolent leader. You must equip him to lead his wife (Eph 5:23) and children (Eph 6:4) and to be a leader in the church (1 Tim 2:14–15). So, how can you prepare him well? First, Jesus said that every great Christian leader must first learn how to be servant (Mark 10:42–45). This is what Piper means by benevolent. Our boys must understand that leadership is for service, not self-glory or self-interest. Prepare them to, “Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph 5:25).

Strong leaders must also have the courage to stand courageously for what is right. Our boys must know where to stand without compromise, and we must find ways to safely stretch their courage without tempting them to sin.

If they are going to be strong leaders, they must also learn how to exercise discernment. Proverbs is largely an inspired training manual for young men, and what does Solomon emphasize above all else? Young men must become wise (Prov 4:7). That only makes sense because leaders are decision makers. Our boys must learn how to gather the facts, weigh their importance, and reach sound conclusions. This skill demands experience. Have a plan to give them safe but increasing decision-making responsibility, and coach them through the process. As well, the last time I read Proverbs, I was struck by the fact that wisdom demands a cool head under pressure. Afterall, we don’t make our most important decisions in a vacuum. A wise leader is not impulsive or explosive. He manages pressure well and remains reasonable and focused (Prov 14:29). Our parental instinct is to protect our children from pressure, but they must learn how press through with a cool head if they are to become great leaders.

How can you build these and other leadership skills? First, put him in positions to gain experience leading. For example, your church youth group is probably a great context for him to get his first experiences as a spiritual leader. I learned a lot about how to speak and lead through 4-H offices and school clubs. As well, the best teen leaders I have ever been around played competitive sports. They learn to be confident, and they learn to handle pressure. And no other context pushes boys to be vocal leaders like team competition.

You also must prepare your boy to provide for his future family. Therefore, think carefully about what qualities will make him a good provider and how you will develop them. For example, Solomon taught his son to be disciplined and responsible (Prov 12:11; 25:13). He wanted his son to be tough and avoid lame excuses (Prov 26:13). He demanded that his son develop a strong work ethic (Prov 26:14). What other qualities will help your son become a good employee or employer and how can you help him develop them?

Of Piper’s 3 qualities, the one we probably most neglect is teaching our boys to protect. Just watch the boys (and sadly even the men) in your church for a few weeks. Are they quick to carrying something for a lady or to open a door, or are they oblivious to their needs? What would they do if they saw a man threatening a lady or talking inappropriately to her? Would they even notice, would they laugh, or would they know to intervene effectively? From a young age, begin ingraining into your boys a sense of duty to protect and honor women. Teach them that they are not allowed to be physical with girls the way they are with boys. As they hit puberty, teach them to honor women as ladies, not as objects of lust. Set clear boundaries and expectations. For example, don’t ever hit a girl, open doors, carry heavy things, take care of the dead mouse, avoid sexual boundaries, etc. Finally, your boy doesn’t need to a black belt or a weapons expert, but he should know how to deescalate conflict and how to confidently handle confrontation as safely as possible.

Obviously, you could add much more to all these categories. I hope you will. Above all, don’t just hope that your boy turns into a godly man. Know what the target is and how you intend to reach it. With God’s help and a good plan, you can raise a godly man who will serve his family well and make an impact in the church.

How to Raise Pro Life Children

Tim Lovegrove — Tue, 23 Jan 2024 21:00:17 GMT

In our society today, abortion rights are fiercely defended as a foundational civil right and are even promoted by many religious groups and professing Christians as a way of love. How can we seek to raise children who won’t be susceptible to those pressures and falsehoods?

Younger Children

Marvel at life itself

All of God’s creation is marvelous and speaks of His glory. And yet there is a distinction between those things that are alive and those things that are not, and between those things that have the “breath of life” in them, and those that do not (Genesis 1:30).

Teach your children to marvel at things that are alive. Marvel at everything from the resilience of plants to the smooth gliding of a goldfish to the attachment of a dog to its owner.

Marvel at every kind of baby and its development

Take advantage of the reality that God designed humans to be fascinated and delighted by babies! Maximize that fascination and delight and share it with your children. Help them examine the tiny paws of a kitten or consider the amazing way in which human babies learn to speak.

Marvel at life in the womb

A startling number of young people don’t have any idea that a baby in the womb is anything more than a clump of cells. Be sure that your children understand that every baby is a baby before birth, not just after! Use resources to teach them about the miraculous development of the child in the womb.[^1] When family and close friends are pregnant, utilize the opportunity to talk about each stage of the baby’s development and even talk to the baby in the womb.

Marvel at eternal life

The Christian pro-life cause is not just about earthly life--it’s about eternal life. Be sure that your children understand the gospel truths of spiritual death (Ephesians 2:1) and then spiritual life through Jesus Christ (John 5:24). Help them understand that this life is eternal life that begins now and then continues forever (John 6:54). If our children understand that God is a life-giving God who has given life to them both physically and spiritually, they’ll be more likely to celebrate life in every way possible.

Teach the God-given importance of parents

Our society today is seeking to demolish the realities of male and female, husband and wife, and mother and father. And yet this is all part of Satan’s plan to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). God designed children to flourish when they have both a mother and a father, but the large majority of abortions do not occur within the context of a marriage relationship. Everything you do to help your children understand the importance of parents reaffirms a pro-life mindset.

Model a father’s responsibility

Both common sense and research tell us that irresponsible men and absent fathers are significant factors in the prevalence of abortion. A father who consistently takes responsibility in the home for things like protection, provision, instruction, discipline, and spiritual leadership sets an example for both his sons and daughters. Sons learn what it means to be a responsible father and daughters learn the kind of responsibility they should expect from any potential marriage partner.

Older Children

Teach the connections between sex and life, sex and marriage, and sex and parenting

Our children are growing up in a society that has been deceived into believing in both the existence of no-cost sex as well as the absolute human right to experience its pleasure however one wants. Birth control and abortion allow for this delusion to continue, and yet in reality sex is not merely about human pleasure, nor is there such a thing as no-cost sex (1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 4:6).

It’s important for our older children to understand that sex is pleasurable as a kind gift of God (Proverbs 5:19). But to counter the world’s deceptions we must also teach them three vital connections. First, God designed sexuality to be intrinsically connected to the creation of life. “Male and female he created them … ‘Be fruitful and multiply’” (Genesis 1:27-28). Second, God created the power of sexuality to be guarded and treasured within a covenant marriage relationship (Genesis 2:22–25). Sex outside of marriage is always outside of God’s purposes. Third, sex is directly connected to parenting. Contrary to the dominant mentality of our culture, no one should ever have sex with another person with whom they are not ready to parent in a healthy, biblical household.

Teach the connection between the devil and death, and help them see it

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) Because God is the Author of life, Satan loves death. Teach your children to see the devil’s deadly handiwork. When transgender ideology dismisses male and female biology and turns gender into a purely psychological reality, the Devil is fighting against life. When homosexuality glorifies same-sex intimacy, life is again under attack. Pornography leads men astray from the kind of healthy perspective on women and sex that might lead to a healthy marriage and new life. Abortion turns the life-giving miracle of the women into a graveyard. Make sure your children see the devil’s deadly work everywhere they turn.

Introduce them to the ministry opportunity of pregnancy decisions

In Christian families and churches, the news of a pregnancy is celebrated because we celebrate the gift of life. But if this wonderful example is all that our Christian young people have seen, they may not even be aware of how frightening and overwhelming the news of a pregnancy can be for many people. They may not understand that many people who get abortions didn’t want to do so but felt they were impossibly trapped and had no other options. When we make our older children aware of these realities, they can begin to develop a ministry mindset that prepares them to serve others in the crisis of difficult pregnancy decisions.

Introduce them to a healthy pregnancy resource center nearby

A biblically-faithful pregnancy resource center is a wonderful type of missions organization that your children may not know anything about. Tour a center near you[^2] — or better yet, getting involved — to make your children aware of the many ways in which Christians can share the good news of Jesus while standing for life.

[^1]: For example, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, from Answers in Genesis. [^2]: Ask your pastor, or utilize a directory such as https://resources.care-net.org/find-a-pregnancy-center/.

How to Be a Pro Life Man

Tim Lovegrove — Sun, 21 Jan 2024 23:20:47 GMT

2022 was a monumental year in the fight to protect innocent life in America. However, since that Dobbs v. Jackson victory, the fight for life has hardly let up. Now the battles are being fiercely fought at the state level, while it also appears that abortion will continue to play a significant role in presidential elections.

In this cultural climate, it is essential that Christian fathers lead the way in the fight for life. Our faith in God’s Word, the new life we have received through Christ, and the blessing of being fathers all compel us to protect God’s gift of life. But what does it mean to be a pro-life man? Is there anything we can do beyond the ballot box? Here are six characteristics that we can pursue:

1. A pro-life man is a sexually-pure man

Abortion is so prolific because sexual immorality is so prolific. One report indicated that 85% of women who have abortions are unmarried.^1 This obviously means that a man was willing to participate in an immoral sexual relationship, and the result was the death of an innocent child.

It’s been said that abortion is sacrificing the vulnerable for yourself, rather than sacrificing yourself for the vulnerable. The same could be said for adultery and pornography. Whether it leads to the death of an innocent baby or not, sexual immorality always devalues life. A pro-life man will take God’s plan for marriage and sexuality very seriously.

2. A pro-life man is a sacrificial man

Abortion is part of a pervasive culture of self-centeredness in which personal happiness is the highest good. But the god of personal happiness is a brutal god, for the human heart is capable of doing great harm to others to get what we want. “You desire and do not have, so you murder” (James 4:2). A pro-life man has experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ who “came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). A pro-life man will always seek to be like Christ as a sacrificial man.

3. A pro-life man is a responsible man

Responsibility is one of the core attributes of godly masculinity. Not surprisingly, women who are considering an abortion say that the most important influence in their decision will be the father of the baby.^2 Moms want to know if the dad will step up and be responsible! A sacrificial man will be ready to take responsibility. He will understand that conceiving a child is easy; fatherhood is the real responsibility. “Act like men, be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13).

4. A pro-life man is a committed and diligent husband

A committed and diligent husband is a tremendous pro-life influence because his wife has the confidence that he will respond to an unexpected pregnancy with love, commitment, diligence, and sacrifice. She will look forward to parenting with him and will be confident that by God’s grace the two of them can tackle all of the challenges of parenting together.

5. A pro-life man is a protective man

A pro-life man understands that God entrusted men with greater raw physical strength than women or children (1 Peter 3:7). He also placed husbands and fathers into a place of leadership in the home. In both cases men will be accountable to God for whether or not we use our strength to protect the vulnerable.

Jesus said that a shepherd who is just a “hired hand” will flee when danger comes, leaving the sheep vulnerable to attack (John 10:12-13). Worse yet are the shepherds who devour the sheep for their own benefit (Ezekiel 34:3). But a man who knows the Lord Jesus Christ as his Great Shepherd will lay down his life to protect others from danger (John 10:11).

6. A pro-life man is a ministry-minded man

The pro-life headlines are about elections, legislation, and laws, but the actual moments that determine life and death happen when real people face crisis pregnancy decisions. A ministry-minded man will lead his family in caring, serving, and being attentive to the needs of others, and that kind of attentive care is exactly what results in life in some beautiful situations. If there are people who are ready to love and support and help, what seems terrifying and impossible at first starts to seem possible. Women and couples who were considering abortion sometimes decide not to take the life of that baby.

In addition to this, a ministry-minded man can also get directly involved in local pro-life outreach. As the statistics have continued to demonstrate that fathers are a very significant factor in pregnancy decisions, biblically-faithful pregnancy resource centers across the country have begun to focus more and more on ministry to dads. However, this requires Christian men from the community who are willing to get involved. If you have a biblically-faithful pregnancy resource center nearby[^3], you might be surprised to find out how you can make a difference in encouraging men to embrace fatherhood.

From these six characteristics we can see that being a pro-life man is about much more than politics and courtrooms. It’s about the heart of a man and his actions toward those around him. A pro-life man loves the “Author of life” (Acts 3:15) and seeks to have His heart and follow His example in every way.

[^3]: Ask your pastor, or utilize a directory such as https://resources.care-net.org/find-a-pregnancy-center/

Have You Fallen Behind Reading the Bible?

Chris Pennington — Wed, 17 Jan 2024 14:49:59 GMT

If you walk into a gym right now, you’ll see a mixture of comedies, including fresh-off-resolution trainees pulling cables in all the wrong directions. Wait another week, and half of those newbies will be gone and discouraged before the month is over.

Resolutions can be sincere and still fall apart.

Perhaps you’ve set out with sincere resolutions for spiritual growth this year. Many Christians have long made a practice of daily Bible reading.

Today you may read this post with a similar sense of discouragement to our new gym-friends. You wanted to read the Bible, but you’ve already fallen behind your goal or stopped reading altogether.

Let me offer three encouragements to continue reading your Bible this year.

1. Reading is Listening

Reading the Bible is key to Christian growth because the Bible is a key means of grace. In other words, the Bible makes you spiritually grow (1 Peter 2:2; Acts 20:32), mature (Hebrews 5:11–14), and come to completeness (2 Timothy 3:16–17).

Too often Christians receive the truths of the Bible as merely practical or moral aid. Do you need to know which job you should take? The Bible can help you. Do you want help resisting temptation? The Bible can help with that.

While the Bible directs us in all areas of life, it is more than a personal how-to guide. The Bible reveals God to us!

In other words, reading the Bible is listening to God. It reveals God’s goodness (Psalm 119:15) and greatness (Psalm 119:27). As we listen to God, we come to know Him. And knowing God brings deep, lasting joy (Psalm 16:11).

Perhaps you’ve fallen a few days behind in your plan or feel like a failure. What’s the good in continuing on your plan if you’ll always be behind!? Today, God is speaking. Today, God invites you to listen.

2. Reading is Relationship

Perhaps you’ve hit a hard season in your marriage and you’ve realized you’ve failed your wife in some way. Imagine telling your wife, “Since I’ve failed you, I might as well just give up until next year.” She responds, “But I want to start to fix this! Today, I want us to take a step towards each other.”

If you decide to give up on your reading for this year, you’re telling God something very similar. At that point, it becomes clear the reading wasn’t about God, but about you.

If you find yourself in this mental spot, let me encourage you to admit your need to God. Admit that you are weak (Romans 8:26). He already knows! Admit that you are in need (Hebrews 4:16). He has mercy and grace to help!

3. Reading is Dependence

Today, especially if you’ve sensed your failure, admit you need God’s help. The Bible encourages us to be fully dependent on God while reading.

Spiritual insight is spiritual, after all (1 Corinthians 2:14–16).

Some of the most brilliant unbelieving minds in the world study the Bible (e.g., Hebrew linguists, textual scholars, etc.). For all their intellect, they are blinded to the Word by virtue of their unbelief.

When you read, read with God’s Spirit, dependent on God’s Spirit. You don’t merely need more knowledge or practical insight. What you need is spiritual insight, the ability to both understand and believe the Word of God.

The Spirit acts like a Master Gardener who takes the seed of the Word of God and presses into the soil of our hearts (Matthew 13:1–9). In other words, he takes the truths of God and causes our hearts to agree with them.

So let me encourage you to ask for spiritual insight (Psalm 119:18) and for the affection to believe and love God’s truth (Psalm 119:36).

Conclusion

If you’ve started pulling away from God by pulling away from His Word this year, remember that reading the Bible is listening, relationship, and dependence.

God—the God of the universe!—is speaking today. Today he wants to speak to you! Let his invitation ring loud in your ears and come to him in faith (Romans 10:17).

Jesus’ Guide to Praying for Your Children

John Dalrymple — Tue, 09 Jan 2024 14:59:38 GMT

What is the most important gift you can give your child?

A quality education? A healthy diet? A childhood full of fun memories? A large inheritance? A home filled with love? A box full of legos?

Each of these are wonderful gifts that can make a significant impact on a child, but I believe one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is your prayers for them.

If God is our children’s Creator (Ps. 139:13), the only one who can save them (Acts 4:12) and effectively change them from the inside out (2 Cor. 3:18), what could be more important than faithfully bringing them to God in prayer?

And yet, I’m sad to say that it has not always been a priority for me. Praying for my kids has sometimes been like my workout routine–weak, sporadic, and aimless.

In Luke 11, Jesus gives guidance that can both strengthen and equip us as we pray for our kids. Here are six simple prayer principles to consider:

1. Plan a Time and Place to Pray (Lk 11:1)

Luke 11:1 “Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray…’”

Jesus’ disciples came to Him after He finished praying “in a certain place.” Repeatedly in Luke’s gospel, Jesus makes a point of pulling away from the crowds to spend time with His Father in prayer. He prays before big decisions, (Lk 6:12), all alone (9:18), and sometimes with others (9:28). Prioritize prayer for your children by scheduling a time slot in your schedule. In addition to personal morning prayer time, my wife and I take a few minutes every night to pray with our children in their bedrooms as we put them to sleep. We all plan for those things that are important to us, so plan a place and time to pray for your children.

God, grant me the grace and wisdom to organize my daily schedule in such a way that prayer for my kids is demonstrated to be the priority that I know it is.

2. Bring Your Children to their Father (Lk 11:2a)

Luke 11:2 “And he said to them, “When you pray, say: “Father…”

Jesus begins his model prayer by referring to God as His “Father.” When we purposefully address God as our “Father” as we pray for our children, we are reminded that children are ultimately not ours, they are God’s. If our children have been “born again” through repentance and faith in God’s Son, Jesus Christ, they are children of God and we are first and foremost their brothers and sisters in Christ. Begin your prayers by addressing God as Father and remembering that He loves your children more than you do.

Father, I acknowledge the fact that the children who call me daddy are not my own. As a steward of these precious gifts, I bring them to you to ask how you want me to parent them.

3. Submit to God’s Sovereign Plan (Lk 11:2b)

Luke 11:2 “...hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come.”

Jesus continues His prayer by calling for God’s holy name to be reverenced and God’s kingdom rule to be realized. As a dad, I’m often more concerned that my name is respected and my plans for the family are carried out. However, Jesus’ prayer reminds me that our identity and mission as part of God’s family is ultimately more primary than the reputation of the Dalrymple family. I have plans and hopes for my kids but these must take a backseat to God’s good and sovereign will. I must submit to God’s plans because He is the King of my heart and our home.

God, I submit to you as King and ask that you reign over my heart and home. Guide my planning for my children so that together we might serve your kingdom purposes for your glory.

4. Ask for Daily Provision and Protection (Lk 11:3-4)

Luke 11:3–4 “Give us each day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.””

Jesus lists a few different examples of requests to make to our heavenly Father. It is very easy for me to default to praying for the urgent physical needs of my children—including their health and safety—but fail to prioritize their spiritual needs. They need both provision of daily bread but also protection from sinful temptations. They need to grow healthy and strong, but also to grow in love, forgiving others who have wronged them. By God’s grace, we must care for what food goes into their bodies as well as what attitudes come out of their hearts.

God, I pray that you would cause my children to grow physically and spiritually every day, protected from the temptations of Satan who desires to harm their souls and bodies.

5. Don’t Stop Praying for your Child (Lk 11:5-10)

Luke 11:9 “...And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

After Jesus’ model prayer, he gives a brief story about a dad who reluctantly helps out a friend who repeatedly knocks at his door and asks for help in the middle of the night. Jesus gives this illustration to teach about the power of persistence and determination in prayer and concludes, “…ask [and keep on asking], and it will be given to you; seek [and keep on seeking], and you will find; knock [and keep on knocking], and it will be opened to you.” If you are a parent like me who wonders if your children will ever overcome certain sin struggles, don’t stop praying! There’s nothing impossible with God.

God, please help me to faithfully labor in prayer for my children, knowing that you have invited me to persist in prayer and there is nothing too hard for you.

6. Pray with Confidence in the Father’s Goodness (Lk 11:11-13)

Luke 11:13 “...If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Jesus concludes His teaching on prayer by using yet another fatherhood illustration. When our children ask us for good things (like a fish or an egg), we don’t respond with evil gifts (a serpent or a scorpion). How much more will our good Father in heaven give us (and our children) exactly what we need?

If God doesn’t give your children what you are praying for, you must trust that it is not truly good for them. In this gospel account, Jesus highlights our children’s greatest need and His greatest New Covenant gift–the indwelling Holy Spirit.

God, in your perfect wisdom as a gracious Father, I trust that you will always answer prayers by giving to my child only what is good for them. Above all, I pray that you save them so they might have the Holy Spirit’s presence.

I am thankful for godly parents and parents-in-law who have spent their lives walking with God and raising their children and grandchildren to do the same. But I strongly believe that it was their faithful prayers that have made the biggest difference as I’ve joyfully watched each of my siblings continue to love and serve the Lord with their lives.[^1]

Our parenting prayers demonstrate our dependence on God and our trust in Him as the One who gives His Holy Spirit and effects lasting change in our child. May God grant us the grace to be faithful parents who labor in prayer.

[^1]: This does not diminish the incredible value of a godly legacy. It also doesn’t necessarily mean that parents with a child who is not walking with God failed to pray–unanswered prayers for children don’t reflect on the parent or on the power of prayer but on the purposes of God. So keep praying for your children (and grandchildren)!

Dads Need Friends, Too

Andrew French — Tue, 02 Jan 2024 21:48:06 GMT

Dads need friends, too.

No, this isn’t a version of “dad self-care” encouraging more therapeutic “me” time. It’s this: You as a dad need to be giving and taking part of godly friendship from God’s perspective.

We as dads do need to impart the kind of friendship counsel to our children that Solomon gave to his son in Proverbs. But we also need to sit under that counsel ourselves.

“Googling” the topic of friendship in Proverbs yields many search results, and I’d like to sort and offer them to us as dads. I’d like to help frame your thinking about this short list.

Characteristics of godly friendship.

“No truly worthwhile friendship is ‘found.’ It is built….”[^1] We as dads can’t wait for friendship to just tap us on the shoulder or punch us in the face; it’s something we should actively pursue.

1. Good friends are faithful.

A godly guy friend “loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17). Do you have a friend who is faithful to be there for you, especially when you’re having a tough time? Like when you’re struggling in sin, or working through a concern with a child. Is he there cheering you when you receive a blessing?

If you’ve been on the receiving end of a friend’s faithfulness to you, you know the deep encouragement that it is. Are you reciprocating or perhaps initiating that kind of faithfulness to another guy friend?

In contrast to the “many companions” who could still leave a guy in trouble, are you the kind of “friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24)?

2. Good friends appropriately cover your failings.

A godly friend cares well for you and the concerns and struggles you share. The sin you’ve committed or struggled with is something a godly friend stewards carefully.

Appropriately covering an offense earns trust and evidences love; passing along the hint of a problem to someone else erodes that trust and “separates close friends” (Prov. 16:28; 17:9). Find and be a friend that gives grace in the face of another’s failings.

3. Good friends say the right thing to you, no matter what.

No one enjoys being shown how they’ve been wrong or maybe just a little dumb on something. But a godly friend will show his true concern by overcoming that natural obstacle. He’ll go ahead and share with you the thing that maybe no one else cared enough about you to share.

Working through a challenging issue with a godly friend alongside is a friendship-deepening experience. Indeed, the “sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Prov. 27:9).

Whether it’s related to our parenting or our “husbanding,” we as dads need to be willing to ask for and receive that kind of sharpening from another brother. And be ready and willing to give that sharpening.

Good friends attract good friends.

If you in humility and kindness desire that kind of sharpening from another godly guy, chances are, you’ll find it. Your own “purity of heart” and ‘gracious speech’ will naturally invite good friendship.

But if you simply wait for the godly friend to show up, and in the meantime bemoan the lack of godly guys in your life, chances are, he won’t come. As a dad seeking to grow in godliness yourself, you must be the godly friend and initiate godly friendship.

Good friends are a catalyst for growth.

As you develop godly friendship with that brother in your church, just be ready. If you’re both seeking to be in the Word and responding rightly to it and sharpening one another accordingly, it’s going to have positive effects. It will ultimately help you be a better dad, husband, church leader, employee, Christian.

Send that text. Set up that coffee. Ask for help with that project. Get the relationship started. And see what God can do through His means of godly friendship.

[^1]: Gary Inrig, Quality Friendship, 17.

Leading Your Family Out of the Post Holiday Blues

Chris Lynch — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 14:59:28 GMT

Well, Christmas is behind us. You know what that means. Letdowns are on the way. After a month of revisiting festive traditions, breaks from work, enjoying carols, parties, presents, and (hopefully in most cases) wonderful time with family and friends, it’s all about to end. We’ve got one more brief break, one more celebration, one more gathering to enjoy finger food and count down the minutes to the new year, then it’s the long cold expanse of winter—the beginning of another long year.

The holiday letdown can take its toll on families. Kids are crashing from their sugar high. Perhaps those gifts they thought for sure would bring true satisfaction actually aren’t. Or maybe they’re just grouchy. (Parents can be grouchy too.) Now it’s time to return to work with little to look forward to (other than tax season, of course). Yep, the post-holiday blues are a real thing.

As dads, we have a golden opportunity amidst these gloomy days to direct our families to reasons for joy and anticipation. Indeed, it’s more than an opportunity; it’s a responsibility. The holidays can be fun, but so can every day. Here are five simple “mind-setters” that can lead our families to say, “Look at what we get to do next!”

1. We get the gift of a new year!

This one may be simple, but it’s important. A new year represents the freshness of each day God gives us. His mercy, grace, and faithfulness are renewed with each new day (Lamentations 3:22-24). Each new day is made by him and is reason for joy (Psalm 118:24). Our lives and everything in them are gifts from a good God and meant to be enjoyed (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25; James 1:17).

We get to enjoy learning about God’s greatness and goodness every day! Thanksgiving and Christmas are times when we are particularly focused on God’s great gifts. And that’s appropriate! But those reasons to make his great deeds on our behalf a focus don’t go away as the calendar continues on. This is one of the reasons why Moses commanded Israelite parents to speak daily of the truths about God to their children (Deuteronomy 6). Focusing on his good commands and great acts toward us helps us love him more!

All that is true for every day, and it’s true for every new year, too. As the calendar turns on January 1, remind your family that in God’s reality, this is just the first day of 365 new, joyous, gracious, useful gifts from the One who loves all of you so much!

2. We get to remember the blessings of this past month!

Rejecting the post-holiday blues doesn’t mean completely moving on from a focus on the holidays, though! I’d argue that looking back on all the blessings you just enjoyed as a family is a great way to counter that letdown. Rather than missing or longing for the return of the wonderful times of encouragement, joyous celebrations, good fun, and precious moments with those we love, your family should praise God for them!

Deuteronomy 8 is one of my favorite chapters in all of God’s Word. It’s one big encouragement for God’s people to remember. Think back on the good gifts God has already given. Keep all he has done for you in focus. Lead your family in thinking of all you’ve just enjoyed over the past month as gifts from God—because that’s what they are. “Forget not all his benefits” (Psalm 103:2). Don’t forget the blessings of the earthly joys, the protection, and all the other good things he provides that we so often take for granted. Holiday blessings are certainly good examples of that!

3. We get to enjoy the gift of Jesus everyday!

Of course, the greatest holiday blessing of all is found in the whole reason Christmas exists. “Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!”(2 Corinthians 9:15) That gift is Christ himself. But the gift of Christ is something that must impact our family far more than simply around Christmas time. We get to enjoy all his benefits all year long.

Some of those benefits include… forgiveness through him, the gift of his perfect example, the gift of peace before God and access to him, the gift of being clothed in his righteousness before God, the gift of victory over sin, the gift of knowing him personally the gift of his Spirit to enable us to look like him, the gift of his constant presence removing all fear, and the gift of eternal security through him––and that’s just listing a few!

Colossians 2:6–7 tells us that the gift of Jesus is literally the centerpiece of every day that we walk on this earth. And it’s reason to be “abounding in thanksgiving.” The one born in Bethlehem is our joy and purpose all year long!

4. We get to be a part of Jesus’ story everyday!

This is pretty great, too! At Christmas time, children often ponder the Christmas story and wish they had been there to see it unfold—to be a part of it. Well, dads, you can remind them that they are a part of that story! The birth of Jesus began a story that is still being told. It’s the story of God’s loving redemption of sinful man so that they could be close to him again. And we’re still living that story!

Our families live as part of that story whenever we study the Bible together. We live it whenever we participate and serve in our local church. We live it whenever we worship him. We live it whenever we interact with our unsaved neighbors. We’re living in Jesus’ story! And we’ve got a whole year ahead to live in it consciously and intentionally as a family.

5. We get to look forward to Easter!

What we celebrate at Christmas finds its climax at Easter. Christ was born to die and rise again. His incarnation led to his victory through the cross and the empty tomb. 1 Corinthians 15:17–20 reminds us that if Jesus had not risen, then our hope and faith would be in vain, and we’d still be doomed in sin. We may feel miserable after the holidays, but Paul says that without the resurrection, we’d be miserable indeed! We’d be in a pitiable state. But he has risen, so our hope and joy and eternal life are all fully secure. No reason to be down in the dumps here!

So we can encourage our families to look forward to Easter itself—for the opportunity to have a holiday to celebrate Jesus again! But we must also lead them to find joy every single day in what Easter represents. To rejoice not just in his coming, but also in the completion of his work for us.

Dads, look at what we get to do and experience and focus on and find joy in moving forward! Remind your families of this, and chase away those post-holiday blues with the gift of a new year ahead walking with Jesus together.

Seek the Kingdom this Holiday Season

Brett Stowe — Tue, 19 Dec 2023 00:00:00 GMT

For many families, this Christmas will not be filled with presents under the tree, a massive spread of food on the table, and family traveling to see them. There are many who are asking questions such as, “How am I going to provide for my family this Christmas?” There are some who are not able to purchase many gifts, if any, for their friends and family. Some deal with great loneliness over the holidays. These real-life situations are just a few examples of the anxieties that seek to overcome our hearts. Where can we find hope for these worries?

In the book of Matthew, chapters 5-7 are what many refer to as the “Sermon on the Mount.” In these chapters, Christ is addressing the crowds that were gathered around him to hear His teaching (Matt. 5:1-2). His popularity was growing, and many were interested in what this “Rabbi” had to say. One of the topics that Christ addressed in His sermon was anxiety (Matt. 6:25-34). In these verses, there are at least three takeaways for us as we seek to find victory over anxiety in our lives.

Don’t Be Anxious

This phrase is repeated three times in verses 25-34. In these verses, Christ provides supportive reasons as to why one should not be anxious. However, before these reasons are addressed, it would be wise for us to stop and consider the three words, “Don’t be anxious.” How is this even possible? How is one not to be anxious when they have just lost their job? How are they to put away worry when they don’t know how the bills will be payed next week? How can they possibly not worry when there is no food in the house?

We need to remember the word of the LORD to Abraham in Genesis 18:14, “Is anything too hard for the LORD?”. The God who commands, “Don’t be anxious,” is the God who gives the grace to obey this command. He is all powerful. He is all good! Nothing is too hard for Him.

God’s Care for His Creation

As Christ commands his followers with the words, “Don’t be anxious,” He reminds them of His repeated provision for His creation. This is meant to encourage His disciples. He reminds them in verse 26, that He provides food for the birds of the air. He reassures His followers that they are worth so much more than the birds; therefore, God will provide for them also.

Christ goes on to ask a pointed question that is meant to stir the hearts of those listening to him. In verse 27, He says, “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” In a basic sense, Christ was getting the point across that He is in control, man is not, and worry does nothing to change this. We know that He does not make this point to discourage his listeners because He goes on to assure them of His love in verses 28-30.

Then, in verse 32, Christ summarizes His words to His listeners by reminding them that their Heavenly Father knows everything that they need. God is fully aware of the fact that you need to eat. Your Heavenly Father knows that you need clothes, nourishment, and shelter. At certain times, He may be calling His children to endure struggle, heartache, and pain, but He knows their needs. He assures them that He will take care of them. Knowing this truth, we can then live out God’s command in verse 33.

Seek First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness

What does it mean to seek the kingdom of God? What does “kingdom-seeking” have to do with your current struggle or trial? R. Kent Hughes answers this well when he says:

…we are to be in a continual quest for God’s kingdom and God’s righteousness. When you and I do this, our focus is no longer on what we wear, eat, and drink, and we are thus liberated from the blight of anxiety. If we constantly seek him, there will be no room for lesser matters. If we seek his kingdom and his righteousness, the cares of the day will flee.[^1]

God’s kingdom is not yet here in its totality. It is a kingdom to come. But those who have been born again by the Spirit of God are citizens of that kingdom…now. Paul says in Philippians 3:20, “But our citizenship is in heaven…”.

In 1 Peter 2:9-10, Peter states, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” Throughout the New Testament, we see that Christians are an expectant people. We await a Savior and a kingdom where that Savior, Jesus Christ, will reign forever.

As we wait, we “seek first the kingdom” by living our lives as citizens of that kingdom. Citizens of Christ’s kingdom do not worry and become anxious over things such as food, clothes, and life circumstances, because they know that their King reigns over all. He loves them. He provides for them.

Conclusion

In conclusion, how can Matthew 6:25-34 direct our hearts and minds to resist worry and trust God this holiday season?

We can resist the tendency towards discontentment, and we can trust that the food and gifts that God has provided for us this year are sufficient.
We can resist the anxiety brought about by loneliness, and we can trust that God knows and understands the heartache we feel as we face this first Christmas without that loved one.
We can resist the lie that God has forsaken us during this time, and we can trust that God values us more than we could ever imagine.

This text carries us above the worry and fear of the present circumstances to hear our Savior King say, “Live as those with a greater calling than food and clothing.” So we seek His kingdom as we trust His gracious and loving hand to provide. If He cares about the birds and plants enough to provide for them, how much more will He care for His redeemed and blood-bought saints whom He purchased with His own blood?

[^1]: R. Kent Hughes, The Sermon on the Mount: The Message of the Kingdom (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2001), 323. Scribd.

Choosing Your Kids Nostalgia

Scott Schulman — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 04:13:22 GMT

Christmas in the ‘90s and ‘00s are some of my favorite memories. My siblings and I were just texting about some of our favorite stories from growing up. We’ve got some good ones, but I’ll never forget the smell of our fireplace in the winters when we lived in Minnesota coupled with the soundtrack of Christmas music.

Amy Grant’s “Home for Christmas” album along with Michael W. Smith’s “Christmastime” and the Carpenters “Christmas Collection” were the three albums that were always on repeat in my home. I’m a really big fan of Christmas, so I create a custom playlist of Christmas songs every year, but tracks from those three albums always make up about 50% of what’s playing in my home now at Christmastime.

Why am I talking about Christmas music? It’s such a controversial topic. I start listening to it whenever the first snow arrives, but some swear by waiting until November or after Thanksgiving. Wherever you land, you probably do listen to Christmas music.

The Meaning of Christmas

As Christians, we should look forward to remembering the event of God becoming man, the Timeless One stepping into time. How incredible is that?!? And of course, we also get to enjoy the festivities of the season that have absolutely nothing to do with anything spiritual. Christmas is just the best.

Choosing Music for Your Family

It struck me a few years ago that as special as those three Christmas albums are to me, there will be music that is really special and nostalgic to my kids when they are my age. I could choose to just kind of let life happen and whatever they latch onto will be their favorite memories. Or, I could purposely and intentionally choose things when they’re young that they will remember forever. I have the ability to choose my kids’ nostalgia.

You can apply this to many areas of life and different seasons of the year. You can do birthday traditions, summer camping trips, or end of the school year breakfasts. But it’s Christmastime right now, and I want to share with you what I do with my kids every night of the Christmas season.

Our Practice

We always play music for the kids at night. I’ve got three girls and a boy. The girls have a room and Zack has a room. Before I put them to bed, I have a carefully selected playlist of songs for them to listen to at night. Most of these are calm, quiet songs about God. But during Christmastime, they listen to one album, in order, on repeat. For like 6 or 7 weeks. Every. Single. Night.

What album is that, you may ask? “Behold the Lamb of God” by Andrew Peterson. I had never heard of Andrew Peterson until about a year before we had our first child, Melody. My brother introduced him to me before he was cool. That is, before he wrote “Is He Worthy?”. His songs have been very encouraging to me, and I would encourage you to check them out. But the “Behold the Lamb of God” album is special in that he tells the story of the Bible from almost the very beginning to the birth of Christ.

The beginning of the album starts with the song, “Gather Round, Ye Children, Come”. He says, “Listen to the old, old story of the power of death undone and an infant born of glory. Son of God, Son of Man.” He is calling on children to listen closely.

In “So Long, Moses” he talks about the end of Moses’ life through Saul’s kingship and David’s kingship. David was a king on a throne full of power with a sword in his fist. Full of wisdom, full of strength, and the hearts of the people were his. There was never a king like him. Then he talks about the splitting of the kingdom and how the people longed for a king like David. And Isaiah said that there would be one coming who would bear no beauty or glory. He’d be rejected and despised. But out of Bethlehem, small among Judah, a ruler would come who was ancient and strong. I get shivers when I hear that line.

If you’ve ever wanted to memorize the beginning of the book of Matthew, look no further than “Matthew’s Begats” where he literally sings the genealogy of Christ. It’s incredible. Just look it up.

The song “Labor of Love” is almost a hard one to listen to as it recounts Mary’s birth of Jesus and how hard it must have been for her. She was scared, far from home, with no mother’s hand to hold. And noble Joseph by her side, perhaps was able to see by the light of the moon at night. But the little baby in her womb, He was the Maker of the moon. These lyrics are just too good.

And then at the end of the album, he closes with the song, “Behold the Lamb of God”. He has come into the world to save us as a sacrificial lamb. He loves us so much. The very last song is a really cool compilation of almost all of the songs of the album in “The Theme of My Song”. He says, “So sing out with joy for the brave little boy who was God but He made Himself nothing.” This song, and the whole album just causes me to see Jesus in light of the whole story of the Bible.

Conclusion

My prayer is that when my children are old, they will remember what they are listening to every night right now. I hope they share this music and the timeless truths within their own children. As dads, we have the profound power to shape the future of our children. And that even includes what will be nostalgia for them when they’re my age.

A Letter to Those Facing Infertility

Chris Pennington — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 17:41:00 GMT

As a pastor, I’m often made aware of private battles, temptations, pains, and joys. A few years back, God sent a couple our way who was struggling with infertility.

After praying with this couple, I sat down a few weeks later and wrote them the following letter. I share it here with their permission as a help if you also face this difficult trial and trust God will use it to encourage your heart in faith.

Personal heartaches like infertility often grow heavier during seasons of national celebration, so I’d like to turn my attention to those who want to celebrate but feel the isolating pain of this particular grief during the Christmas season.

—

Dear Friend,

I wanted to write you a brief note of encouragement with the hope that carefully thought-out words, written down, would both carry more gravity and would have longer staying power.

I know your infertility has been very difficult on you both — as well it should be. I wanted to confirm something I trust you’ve already sensed. We hurt alongside you and with you. Since you all are hurting, we’re hurting. Since you are praying, so are we. In a word, you are not alone.

I’m also aware that when prayers — especially persistent, deep-felt, and personal ones — go unanswered, even the strongest of believers find questions start to rise in the mind. Questions like, “Does God really care?” and “Why would God not answer something that means so much to me?” and “Does prayer even work?” or even “Does God really even exist?”

I’m not assuming you’ve thought any or all of these, but they are natural doubts that seem to find footing when prayers go unanswered. Whenever you are on the doubt-faith spectrum, can I offer a few words of encouragement?

1. There is no shame in doubt.

There is no shame in doubt as long as that doubt brings us to ask our questions to God’s Word.

Doubt is one of God’s choice tools, as it carries a strange momentum. Doubt has the power to move our hearts with more velocity and earnestness than most things. So lean into God’s Word with any of those questions you may have.

Leverage the current of doubt (if you’re struggling at all with any questions) to propel you to faith. Don’t leave the questions/doubts unanswered and alone. In time, bring those doubts to God and let him speak into them. Abandoned doubts typically fester and grow.

2. Look to the cross for evidence of God’s love.

It’s natural to look at many other circumstances to determine if God loves you. In other words, it’s normal to base our understanding of God’s love on our feelings, circumstances, prayers, etc., but those can lead us astray.

God means us to chiefly evaluate his love and care for us based on Christ’s work on the cross. Indeed, all his other kindnesses to us are based on that finished work. This is why God says, “every spiritual blessing [from God] is in Christ” (Eph 1:3) and why he argues that if he “gave Jesus up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Rom 8:32).

In other words, the gift of Christ is our ground of confidence for all of God’s kindnesses to us. Indeed, even Christ’s daily, constant intercession for us is grounded in his work on the cross (Rom 8:32; Heb 7:25; 9:24; 1 Jn 2:1–2).

3. God’s current answer of “no” or “not yet” is not evil or wrong.

Jesus often gives the analogy of a son asking his father for a fish or a loaf of bread (cf. Luke 11:10–13). He argues that if human fathers will not give something harmful to their sons—namely, a scorpion or stone—then God will also never give us something “evil” when we ask him a request.

The answer right now may seem like God has given you something harmful and evil, but that thought is unbiblical. It’s a powerful thought, but a wrong one. God only ever works for our good, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

4. God’s ways are mysterious, but his character isn’t.

If you remember Acts 12, James is killed while God miraculously rescues Peter from prison with an earthquake. Why one and not the other? You can only imagine what James’ family member, John the Apostle, thought. He must have asked that question!

But in 1 John 4, the apostle writes two curious things. First, he says “God is love” (1 Jn 4:8), meaning that he is settled in who God is even if he doesn’t always understand what God is doing. Secondly, he writes that God’s love was “made manifest…[by sending] his Son into the world” (1 John 4:9) and that true love is that God “sent his Son to be the propitiation (i.e., the sacrifice that satisfied God’s wrath) for our sins” (1 John 4:10).

So he does what we talked about a few paragraphs back. He lets the cross be the key indicator of God’s love. I don’t know why one couple has been allowed to conceive and another hasn’t. But I do know who God is: just (Gen 18:25), faithful (Ps 119:71), good (Ps 86:5), merciful (Ps 103:13), love (1 Jn 4:8, 10), etc.

Conclusion

I don’t know if you needed to hear any of these things today, and I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I do want you to know three things—things I hope this letter has conveyed.

God loves you. We love you. We are praying for you.

I hope this little note is an encouragement on these fronts. Thank you for letting us sorrow, joy, and pray along with you.

Love, Pastor

How Dads Should Talk to their Children

Kevin Schaal — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 03:46:49 GMT

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<Note variant="note"> This post originally appeared on the <a href="https://www.proclaimanddefend.org/2023/06/04/for-fathers-how-to-talk-to-your-children/" className="underline">Proclaim and Defend blog</a> and has been published here with permission. </Note>

“I wasn’t raised in a good home and my father never talked to me. So, I don’t really know how to talk to my own kids.”

It’s time for some tough talk, dads.

No Excuses

Being raised in a poor environment is no excuse for failing your own children in your most basic responsibility as a father—to teach your kids.

I know you believe your most basic responsibility is to provide for your children and protect your children, but take a look at the biblical data. By far, the most pressing biblical mandate is to teach your kids. The moment your children came into the world, you got a new job description.

“But I don’t know how!”

You did not know how to drive, file your taxes, or do a thousand other things that are now part of your daily life. You learned because you had to. You can learn this too.

“It’s too late now! I failed my kids early.”

Fatherhood doesn’t stop when your children turn eighteen. Yes, they have to leave and cleave (Matthew 19:5), but the Bible is full of examples of parents continuing to teach and influence their children into adulthood—from Job and his children to Paul and Timothy.

A Biblical Guidebook

And God has given a guidebook and helpful examples to follow. In particular, the Book of Proverbs is the Bible’s Guidebook for Parent-Child Conversations.

Have you ever really thought about it? The entire Book of Proverbs is a conversation between a father (it works for mothers, too) and his children. It is the primary biblical means of carrying out the Deuteronomy 6:6–8 responsibilities.

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

How to use the Book of Proverbs to teach.

1. Read Proverbs.

Read it personally. From the time I was a sophomore in high school until years into the ministry, I had a habit of reading a chapter in Proverbs a day.

Since there are 31 chapters in Proverbs and 31 days in most months, I simply read the chapter that corresponded with the day of the month.

If I happened to miss a day, I didn’t sweat it, I just read the chapter that corresponded to the next day. That book has transformed the way I think and the way I approach all of life.

2. Read Proverbs to your children.

My dad was the youngest of 12 children. His parents were believers but by the time he got to be in junior high, his parents had sort of checked out of parenting. He did not ever remember his father leading a family altar.

My mother got saved as a “bus kid” in a Salvation Army church. But those two established a daily practice that had a huge impact on my life.

We always ate an evening meal together, even if it wasn’t fancy. We did this five nights a week (not Sunday or Midweek service night, that’s just what they did). Dad would read the Bible to us.

When we were young it was a Bible picture book, and the Bible itself when we were older. He usually chose an updated version so that younger children could understand more easily. Then we would talk about it and pray.

It was that simple.

3. Talk about the lessons you have learned.

When Dad would read Proverbs, we were free to ask what various sayings meant. Sometimes Mom and Dad did not know what a verse meant and we would try to figure it out together. I especially remember Dad talking about how various Proverbs had proven true in his own life.

Dad read Proverbs 6:1-4 and explained that “surety” in the modern world means “co-signing.” He told the story about how he wished he knew this verse was in the Bible before he co-signed for a friend in a business deal and had to pay his friend’s debt (and never got the money back from his friend).

Mom piped in, “I told him he shouldn’t do it.”

“And I should have listened to you,” he replied, smiling at her.

Don’t get the wrong idea. Mom was never afraid to speak up if she believed something was not right, but she also loved and respected my father deeply and followed his leadership. Dad was humble and kind, but never shirked from his responsibility of leading in our home.

I learned two lessons. Don’t co-sign and don’t disregard the counsel of a godly wife.

Tell your own stories about how you have seen Proverbs work out in real life. Do not be afraid to tell your children about things you learned the hard way. Do not be too proud to reveal your failures. Have enough humility to teach your children to avoid your failures.

Let the Spirit lead you as you talk. Even if the kids act bored, have the conversation. They will remember. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation. In fact, it is better to keep it short. Even five or ten minutes can be life-changing.

Aside from teaching your children about salvation, if all you ever talk about in your teaching time with your children is the Book of Proverbs, you will have done very well.

4. Involve your wife.

Show this article to your wife. Plan a daily time for your family to be together. At the end of the evening meal usually works quite well. Read today’s Proverb. Talk about it for a few minutes. Then pray.

Just do it. Now. Today. Do not wait another day.

Godly Leaders Go First

Joe Fant — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 14:50:07 GMT

Life is filled with paradoxes. For instance, in this current fad of minimalism perhaps you have heard the anecdote, less is more. Or perhaps while reading Tolkien’s masterpiece, “The Return of the King,” you are struck with Frodo’s statement after throwing the ring into Mount Doom, “Well, this is the end, Sam Gamgee,” only to realize it was in fact the beginning of the end because the book still had 250 pages to go. If you are a fan of poetry, you will know the paradoxical statements, “I can resist anything but temptation,” and, “men work together whether they work together or apart,” by Wilde and Frost respectively.

The title of this article may seem to be a paradoxical statement as well: godly leaders should go first. If you know the Scriptures or were raised in church, this statement seems incredulous. As parents seeking to follow Scripture we strive to teach our children to serve and prefer others first.

This reveals itself in our house whenever one of our children is running late to a get into the line for ice cream or some sort of treat. More often than not the Scripture quotation from Matthew 20 resounds in the house, “the last shall be first and the first shall be last!”

As a dad who also serves as a pastor, my first inclination is to correct their errant interpretation of this phrase and help them understand that, in context, this is not referring to being in line for ice cream bars. Matthew 20:16 is Jesus contrasting earthly privileges and Kingdom privileges.

As a result of my Bible lesson, I receive blank and confused stares from my four precious hermeneuticians.

Even though their Scripture quoting was out of context, my kids weren’t wrong in principle. Other passages of Scripture clearly teach that biblical leadership should seek to serve others, prefer others, and outdo each other in showing brotherly love and affection (Philippians 2:1–4, Romans 12:10, I Corinthians 10:24, etc.). This often entails letting others go first or allowing someone else to be in the preferred place.

Godly leadership often involves being last. For years on end, I watched my dad be the last one at church as he chose to be the one to lock up the building and turn off the lights so others in the congregation could go directly home for lunch or beat the Methodists and Presbyterians to the buffet. I watched my parents provide what we needed as their children before even thinking about their own needs.

As a father who is seeking to grow more like Jesus every day, my goal would be to emulate the testimony of Christ and look to others’ interest and not just my own (Philippians 2:4). However, I am convinced of several areas in which, if I desire to be a godly leader, I must always go first:

1. Godly leaders should be the first to serve.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve…” (Mark 10:45)

As the leader of my home, I should set the example of being the first to step up to the sink after dinner and begin washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen. I should be the first to offer to be the calming influence when a child calls out in the night after waking up from a nightmare. I should be the first to serve others rather than reluctantly serving after all other options have been exhausted.

Lead your family by being the first to serve.

2. Godly leaders should be the first to forgive and resolve conflict.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

We all have been there. Your relationship with your spouse, your parents, or your children is on the fritz. Maybe you are the cause, or maybe they are the ones who have sinned against you. You know the signs…conversations are awkward, eye contact is nonexistent, text messages are short and insensitive…avoid personal contact at all costs!

What do you do? Do you wade into the waters of conflict and kindly take the first step to pursue reconciliation, or do you wait for someone else to step out first?

One of your children comes home from school and you can feel the tension in the air. Do you lean into that situation and pursue your child’s heart or do you keep your distance and hope everything will be better in an hour?

You can tell your wife has had a hard day…do you keep your distance or do you lovingly lean into the hurt with a hug and a question?

Lead your family by being the first one to pursue reconciliation and resolve conflict.

3. Godly leaders should be the first to talk about God.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:6–7)

The drive for a consistent and simple family devotion time should come from the father. He should provide this example of leadership in his home by being the one to keep the Bible time a priority.

The husband should be the first to initiate spiritual conversations with his wife. This doesn’t mean that they have to read a book together or must share their own personal worship time, but conversations about what personal spiritual struggles and growth should be the norm.

In general, the dad needs to lead his family by being the initiator of the spiritual activities of your home. Lead your family by being the tuning fork for the spiritual tone of the family.

4. Godly leaders should be the first to get out of bed

Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. (Psalm 5:2–3)

I know you may not see this as an overtly spiritual activity, but I believe that the father should set the expectation in the house that early morning times are Bible reading times. They should demonstrate a desperate need for God and His Word with the start of each new day.

About ten years ago my wife and I made the decision to become morning people. We invested in a good coffee maker, identified a specific place in our house where we wanted to park ourselves in the morning, then made a habit of getting up early to read and study the Bible. Of all the habits we have formed as a couple, this has been the most life changing.

Fathers need to set the example of what personal discipline looks like. On a regular basis, he needs to be the model of self-control and discipline by getting out of bed and into the Word. You need the Word. Your family knows you need the Word, so lead them effectively by getting out of bed early to be in the Word. This reveals to them your spiritual priority.

5. Godly leaders should be the first to say “I love you”.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. (Proverbs 25:11)

This past year I was challenged by a dear friend and mentor to go out of my way to say to my family members, “I love you.” Even further, the challenge was to include the name of the person at the end. I was used to saying the phrase, “I love you,” but it is amazing how much more personal this statement becomes when I say to my wife, “I love you, Becky.”

I’ll never forget the look on my son’s face when I knelt down, for no apparent reason, and said, “I love you, Shiloh.” His eyes immediately locked onto mine and he gave me the biggest smile. He had heard me say, “I love you,” thousands of times before, but this time was different. Including his name made all the difference. Including his name made it personal.

Words matter. The words of godly leaders can make or break someone’s day. Be the first one to use your words to build up.

Kingdom priorities require all dads to pursue being godly leaders. Will you be first in these areas? Will you take leadership?

Book Review: What’s Best Next

Kristopher Schaal — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 04:38:39 GMT

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On this blog, we talk often about how God has called Christian men to be leaders, especially in their own homes (Eph 5:22–24; 6:4). However, you will never learn to lead others until you first lead yourself, and What’s Best Next by Matt Perman can teach you that skill.

I have been meaning to read this book for a long time. However, I finally decided I couldn’t wait any longer. I knew I needed whatever Matt Perman had to offer, and I was not disappointed. What’s Best Next was the biggest game changer I have read in a long time. Since reading it, I have beefed up my personal mission statement, written out my life goals, created a personal time map that makes both my work and my rest more productive, added the essential habit of weekly planning, revamped my task lists, and implemented new ways to keep track of my projects.

Now, that might sound overwhelming to you, but for me, it’s been life-giving. Less than one month after finishing this book, I am already experiencing greater freedom and peace of mind along with greater productivity. (Yes, that is possible.)

Not only that, but my productivity is gospel-centered. I can go to bed at night feeling fulfilled because I know I have done the most important things that God wanted me to do that day. What a gift!

This book is at the same time philosophical, doctrinal, and practical. On the philosophical side, it helped me define, “What is productivity?” Perman says, “Productivity is not first about getting more things done faster. It is about getting the right things done” (43), which begins with determining what’s most important (or “what’s best next”).

The book also clarified that hard work is a good thing. Perman warns, “Let’s not fall into the notion that being a good worker who works unto the Lord means you will always be done with your work by 5:00 and ready to go home stress free. If your work is that easy, you probably aren’t challenging yourself––or seeing the good of others––sufficiently” (331). This framework helps me to avoid false guilt and unfair criticism of “workaholics.”

On the doctrinal side, WBN challenged me to make love my guide for personal productivity (chap 6). Perman states, “Generosity is to be the guiding principle for our lives. This is both the right thing to do and the way to be most productive. It is the surprising, counterintuitive key to productivity” (86). I was challenged to trust and serve others (even when delegating!) and to give from the right motives. I was also reminded that productivity is a character issue that begins with walking with God. As Perman puts it, “The only way to make the right decisions is first to be the right kind of person” (13).

On the practical side, the second half of this book is a detailed handbook for organizing your life. You literally just follow the steps while Perman walks you through his complete system, which is based on the best secular productivity literature out there. Perman adds his own tweaks to the systems of others, while grounding his advice in a biblical framework. Again, what a gift!

There were so many invaluable concepts I learned from this book, including…

Time blocking,
Weekly planning,
Project lists and plans,
A role map,
The sometime/maybe task list,
And the DEAD method for reducing my task list (delegate, eliminate, automate, defer).

One of the most helpful concepts I took away was that of the “ringing effect.” Perman explains that when systems reach 90% capacity, their efficiency plummets. He applies this observation to productivity in the following way: “Our default mode is to think that in order to get as much as possible done, we need to cram as many projects as possible into a given time frame. Resist this temptation. Everything will take longer and you will discover death by the ringing effect. To get more done, do less, not more” (225). As a person who rarely plans for any margin but values accomplishment, I needed to hear that.

Another concept that has been extremely helpful for me is killing two birds with one stone by overlapping your roles. The following extended quote was a lightbulb for me.

“Your differing roles and responsibilities are not a juggling act, where you can deal with only one at a time, quickly having to touch it and then toss it up into the air so you can deal with the next role. That’s a circus act, not a life.”

“So how do we avoid becoming plate spinners and jugglers? We need to realize that many roles can be carried out in an interdependent way and create overlap. In other words, whenever you can, seek to do things in a way that involves multiple roles, not just a single role. This is one of the fundamental ways of avoiding the juggling mentality and keeping your roles for competing against one another” (186).

This concept has helped me to better integrate family life with my work (pastoring), which has allowed for some satisfying ministry alongside my wife and created powerful teachable moments with my kids while also easing our schedule.

This book even inspired me to invest more in this blog, Growing Fathers, a “hobby” of mine. Perman pleads, “Please take yourself and your creative pursuits seriously. Your ideas must be treated with respect because their importance truly does extend beyond your own interests. Every living person benefits from a world that is enriched with ideas made whole––ideas that are made to happen through your passion, commitment, self-awareness, and informed pursuit” (321). How encouraging!

I could go on and on, but you get the point. Read the book! Yes, it’s long (350 pages), but it’s very readable, and it’s packed full of wisdom.

Lastly, for those dads who retort, “I’m just not a list guy,” could I kindly suggest that you may be selling yourself and your family short? All of us quickly run into the limitations of our own brains to handle our tasks, schedules, priorities, calendars, etc. If you have not “upgraded” to a system for managing these things, you may be underachieving. God will hold each of us accountable for how we stewarded the resources He gave us, including our time and our energy (Mat 25:14-30). I don’t know about you, but I want to be as fruitful as possible.

I regret not reading this book sooner. I quipped to someone that if I had read it 10 years ago, I may have earned my doctorate by now. Maybe not. Either way, I’m glad that God led me to read it this year. I’m looking forward to seeing the long-term effects it has on my life as I continue to pursue the commendation, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Mat 25:23).

Do Not Provoke Your Children

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 23:26:14 GMT

In the chaos that is our home of three boys, the only way to get their attention is to call them by name and directly address them (and sometimes that doesn’t work!). When you hear your name spoken in a crowd, your ears perk up and you instinctively scan the crowd to figure out who called your name.

When Scripture directly addresses us fathers, we ought to perk up and pay attention. Colossians 3:21 is one of those passages. It says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

The father’s role is to lead his family as the head of the home. Colossians 3:21 warns us about a parenting pitfall: fathers can misuse their God-given authority by provoking their children. A father should parent his children by not provoking them.

The word provoke is difficult to translate exactly into English. One resource defined it this way: “to become disheartened to the extent of losing motivation, to be discouraged, lose heart, become dispirited”.[^1] From this definition, we see three truths about provoking.

1. Provoking Exasperates a Child

To exasperate is to irritate to a point of frustration. I am not a natural home-improvement project guy. I’ve had to walk away from several projects because I’m too frustrated to continue. Sometimes even IKEA directions are difficult for me!

When a child is exasperated, it makes them feel like they can’t succeed. They shut down and throw up their hands in frustration, figuratively and sometimes literally. When a father provokes his child, he frustrates the child.[^2]

2. Provoking Embitters a Child

Provoking creates bitterness in the heart of the child. Over time, as a child is frustrated and exasperated, resentment builds up. Resentment and bitterness will slowly choke the life out of a parent-child relationship.

A couple verses earlier in Colossians 3, Paul commands husbands not to be harsh and bitter with their wives. Harsh leadership creates resentment in followers, and children will resent harsh, provoking dads.

3. Provoking Disheartens a Child

The end result of provoking is that the child becomes so frustrated and bitter that they quit. The end of the verse highlights this: “lest they become discouraged”. The child loses heart, shuts down, quits on you, and possibly quits on God.

As much as we can, we must diligently avoid provoking because of these disastrous results. But that leads to another question: how does a parent provoke a child?

How to Provoke Your Children

This can happen both intentionally and unintentionally. Though not an exhaustive list, here are a few sure-fire ways fathers can provoke their children:

Showing favoritism
Depreciating their worth
Belittling or looking down on their achievements
Not listening to them or ignoring them over and over again
Setting unrealistic goals
Failing to show affection
Not providing for their needs
Criticism
Sarcasm that bites at them
Overprotection, specifically restricting rightful liberty
Neglect
A lack of standards and clear expectations
Inconsistent standards and expectations
Improper or excessive discipline, such as correcting in anger, being heavy-handed or overbearing, correcting for something that was not their fault or something done accidentally
Shaming
Bring up their past failures
Never ask forgiveness for your failures
Embarrassing them by talking about their failures, airing grievances, telling unnecessary personal details, etc.

The common denominator in all these provoking behaviors is that the child is not biblically loved. I admit I’ve done several of these things on the list. I’ve had to come face to face with the reality that parenting simply exposes what is in my own heart. We are not perfect. We will make mistakes, but don’t be too proud to own up to them. Model biblical repentance and forgiveness to your children. Confess your failures to the Lord and ask for his grace to parent differently in the future.

To move from a provoking parent to a loving parent, you must be Spirit-filled. You cannot parent if your flesh is ruling over your heart or emotions. If you are not controlled by the Holy Spirit, you will wound these precious little ones.

Day after day, aim for their hearts. Try to capture their affections by loving them unconditionally. Listen to your children when they talk. Be excited about the things that matter to them. Show them by the way you treat them that you care deeply about them. Talk to them about the Lord. Infuse them with confidence and build up trust.

Earlier this year my wife and I decided that I needed to spend one on one time with my boys. Each Saturday I take a different one of them out for a donut.[^3] It costs us $2-4, and we spend about 30 minutes driving and eating together. This time has been valuable for both me and my boys. They get to spend time with me (and get a donut!), and I can engage them with questions and conversation on a deeper level. But the unforeseen result of this time is that I have provoked them far less. My parenting has increased in skill and love as I know them and have learned what approach works best with each of them. I’m learning how not to provoke my kids as I love them and know their hearts.

Dads, find time to know your children’s hearts. This will help you love your children as you do not provoke them.

[^1]: Arndt, William, Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd ed. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000. [^2]: Now, this is not talking about a child’s poor response to God-given, gracious authority. At times a child will not appreciate the structure or rules on him, and will become irritated. We try to help the child see his frustration for what it is. For a father to obey this command, he must not exasperate the child by his behavior. [^3]: Chap Bettis has advocated this idea and was my inspiration for doing this.

Leading Your Family Through Betrayal

Clay Gibbons — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 16:25:05 GMT

A part of me hopes you don't read this post. It is not one that I have enjoyed writing (and I’ve certainly not enjoyed experiencing betrayal!). Yet, we live in a fallen world and we are and do coexist with fallen people. Some are believers and others are not, but all are capable of doing grievous harm to a believer's soul. The betrayal of a friend is even more pronounced when that friend is a believer, and yet even more so when it comes from an elder. I am not referring to a disagreement or a miscommunication but an outright betrayal.

A short time ago, we as a family placed our trust in a friend who unexpectedly turned on us. We watched in confusion as he broke his word and became contemptible towards us. The fallout of this betrayal was substantial for our family; all the children were aware of what had happened. As I have spoken to many other believers and elders following our episode, we have learned this type of hurt is depressingly too common.

Most likely, as believers we will all go through situations when a friend will sin against us, and it will hurt. This will most likely be a sin of the tongue: gossip, deceit, promise-breaking, slander, or some terrible combination. Since this hurt was not limited to me, what became immediately apparent and burdensome was the effect on us as a family. We were all asking "why?" Why would God allow this? Why would a Christian man act in such an unbelieving way?

I needed God's wisdom to help navigate these treacherous waters of bitterness. I did not want this to become a moment that engendered doubt or animosity in my children's hearts towards God himself and his people. As we have imperfectly walked through this experience, here are a few points to consider:

Search your heart

There are two sides to every conflict. No one is above sinning and offending a brother. As with any interpersonal conflict, the right thing for you to do, no matter who you are, is to see where you have sinned. The right thing for me to do in this situation was to determine if I was guilty of harming my brother.

This is Christ's principle of removing the log in Matthew 7:1–5, but it is an exceedingly hard act to implement. Before dwelling on the sin of my offender, I had to humble myself and ask God to show me where I had sinned. Once those sins or benign blunders became clear, no matter how insignificant, I was bound by God to seek out my brother and confess and seek reconciliation. This is such an important rule for marriage and for parenting, as well.

It is right to initiate reconciliation by confessing your own guilt even if it is so slight and the other party's sin is so egregious. Paul clearly warns us (Gal. 5:25–26) that a conceited mindset will provoke our brothers and prevents us from walking with the Spirit. The converse of conceit is humility and meekness.

Guard your heart

Sin hurts and betrayal especially stings; our flesh wants retribution. This desire for justice is natural and can be Christ-like but it can easily become fleshly. To guide my family correctly I had to start with my own response. I struggled with wanting to show him "who he was messing with" and vent my anger. Paul's words struck me to the heart:

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil… (2 Timothy 2:24)

By God's grace, I am to patiently endure evil. This reminded me again of one of my mentor's common admonishments about our attitude: “It is never wrong to be gracious.” My heart didn't want to be gracious, rather I wanted to be caustic. I had to ask the Lord daily to help my heart because out my heart my mouth was speaking.

Guard your tongue

When I speak, my heart’s thoughts and desires become public (or at least open to my family). Our children had never experienced this type of hurt before, so they looked to us to know how to react. I needed help to guard my tongue. My flesh wanted to erupt in sinful rants. The man that hurt us is a believer but made a grievous sinful error. I could not repeat his sin by slandering him and gossiping about him to my wife and children.

As we had so recently experienced, words inflict wounds that often take much longer to heal than physical injuries. Our words have a lasting effect. Truly the tongue is a fire and can bring about instant and ardent hurt. So rather than using my tongue to bring about further destruction and provoking wrath (Proverbs 15:1), by God's grace I should use my tongue to soothe and bring about peace and growth (Proverbs 15:4). Not an easy task when we have been hurt!

Don’t ignore the hurt.

One mistake that we might often make is to ignore the hurt. Because it is so easy to sin with our tongue, we often avoid talking about how we are hurting. Admitting pain and weakness is a hard but very necessary thing. It does have a ripple effect. We don't like to show and discuss how much we are hurting in our church family, within our own family, or even with God.

It is easy to think that the best Christian and father is immune to pain or can just grit his teeth and press on. God has provided us with other believers to pray and comfort us in times of hurt. While I was wrestling with the hurt, my wife came alongside and encouraged me. Likewise, at other times, I encouraged her with God's faithfulness. I openly asked the children what they were thinking and feeling about the hurt. I was surprised by hearing how clearly they perceived and how acutely they felt.

Our talks exposed some of those seeds of doubt, bitterness and anger. We then prayed about these things and applied the scriptures to them. If we had just decided it was too painful to discuss (which we considered doing because it seemed easier), then I would have missed those indicative thoughts. The children could have nursed them for months and years to come allowing them to fester in their hearts.

This is an ongoing process; one of the main themes to which we are frequently circling back is the promise of God's providence. We don't know how God will use this for His good and ours, but we are anticipating answers in the months and years to come.

Pray for the Lord to protect

Here is where we continue to live. We are flawed parents and we need God to do the work. This has to be the posture of any godly growing father. The children we are stewarding need God to quicken and shape and protect their hearts. I can do my best from the outside but only God truly knows their hearts. We have gone back to God daily and asked Him to protect the children's hearts against bitterness.

There is no shortage of stories in churches today in which a young person has been through something traumatic and it grows into a watershed moment of trust to bitterness. I am sure we all know people who blame God and His people for their hurt. These individuals can react wrongly, but the sin of others could be a constant stumbling block.

As a father I can do my best to prevent a hurt becoming such a stumbling block, but most of all I need God to protect their vulnerable hearts.

Dad’s, Mom Needs a Break!

Brett Stowe — Tue, 24 Oct 2023 19:06:29 GMT

Moms are tremendous blessings to their families. Without moms, order in the house crumbles rather quickly.

Whether she is a stay-at-home mom or a full-time employee, mom often functions as a taxi for children, family chef, doctor-on-call, and the attendant to any other emergency problems that come up in the house. She works tirelessly from morning to evening without often getting recognition for her labors. Being a mother is exhausting.

Dads, we must remember that our wives cannot run tirelessly forever. They might be very good at what they do, but they still need a break. Husbands and wives often focus on setting aside time as a couple, but I want to advocate for setting aside time for your wife...WITHOUT YOU!

First and Foremost a Child of God

If your wife is a believer, she is first and foremost a child of God and a follower of Christ before she is a wife and mother.[^1] This is a relationship that exists apart from you. She must cultivate her own heart with her Savior. She must pursue Christ, although alongside you, individually. She has an eternal soul that will live forever apart from you.

Because moms spend most of their time serving others, it is easy for this truth to be ignored. She must intentionally pursue Christ each and every day. Oftentimes, her schedule is so full with serving others that her relationship with God gets neglected.

Dads, let me encourage you to give your wife a break. Spend time preparing a getaway for her...alone. Ask her what might be refreshing for her. What can you do to help facilitate her own spiritual formation?

Ideas to Consider

1. A day with God

Consider setting aside time for your wife to get away for a day. Make plans to watch the kids. This could be as simple as giving her the day at the park to pray, meditate, and read Scripture. You could also rent an accommodation for the day if she would prefer a more secluded environment. I have heard from multiple ladies that this “day with God” was often what they needed to push through the difficult busyness of life.

2. A weekend retreat

Consider going beyond a day with God and giving your wife a weekend retreat. This could be something that is done in partnership with your local church. You could also send your wife to a retreat at a Christian camp. A retreat might be a way to give her that personal spiritual refreshment in a social environment where godly friendships may also be established.

3. A ladies conference

Consider sending your wife to a ladies conference. This is most likely the greatest financial investment of the options listed, but it can also be one of the most life-changing and spiritually refreshing as well.

A conference provides a focused time for a spiritual topic or theme that can be encouraging for your wife. Conferences are also great for connecting with other like-minded believers that one might not otherwise connect with. Conferences can also function as a spiritual recharge for your wife. She may enjoy it so much she makes it an annual or biannual event in the calendar.

Dad, Give Her a Break

Dads, the most loving thing you could do for your wife right now might be to give her a break to cultivate her own spiritual walk with Christ...without you! Consider this. Talk to your wife and get feedback from her.

She might feel guilty about entertaining this idea so assure her that you would be delighted to do this for her. Whatever you decide to do, remember that you are called to love your wife as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25), and loving your wife might just mean that you give her up for a few days.

[^1]: There are some who may have unbelieving spouses. This means that the cultivation of one’s personal walk with Christ is not applicable to that wife, but her need for time alone still applies. In this situation a believing husband may choose to implement creative ways for their wife to get some rest while also being exposed to the Gospel (i.e. retreats, conferences, resources, etc.)

Making Space for Awkward Conversations with Teens

Jonathan Barnes — Wed, 18 Oct 2023 03:12:24 GMT

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:6–7, NKJV)

In an age where children do not follow their parents to the workplace on a daily basis, it is incumbent upon us fathers to make time for fulfilling the commandment to teach our children diligently.

I have a son; he is fifteen . . . and the world is dark, and the stakes are high. One day, he will have to make his way in the world, setting his own standards and restraining himself rather than living under his mother’s and father’s rules.

His path toward wise decision-making now and in the future is shaped by his thought life. Sins of the mind are secret sins, and they have an insidious way of robbing men of their sons and their daughters. We take great precautions to protect our homes from robbers and thieves by having locks and sometimes security systems as well, but what of those who would steal the hearts and minds of our children? How can we combat the enemy and have greater influence on a child’s thought life?

My wife is a wonderful partner in the battle for my son’s character. She has had some great ideas, and I highly value her input. We implemented one of these ideas several years ago when she suggested that we pick a routine time for me to have “awkward conversations” with my son. These would be conversations that, Lord willing, would help proactively shape his thinking in important areas.

Without a specific strategy, I might have delayed indefinitely for the “right” time, and might have had to deal with some of these topics reactively, which is not ideal. We began sometime in his seventh-grade year.

The topics that my son and I have discussed range broadly, as you will see on the list below. Some may sound shocking, but my wife and I believe that starting these tough conversations allows the parent to be a foundational source of information on these sensitive topics, a concept our pastor has taught.

Planning the Time

I work long hours in a corporate setting and don’t always feel like talking, so my wife and I drafted a list of topics for my son and me to discuss. We used the list-sharing app “To Do” so the plan would be handy and my wife could easily have input.

Aggressive girls
STDs
Boy Scout scandal
The husband-wife relationship
Being a friend to younger siblings, not a ruler
Circumcision
The Catholic abuse scandal
A multitude of school-related interactions
Homosexuality
Pornography

Understanding the Time

We chose a time that would be consistent and adequate, but not open-ended, so that any awkwardness would have a defined end point. The end point was also a time when our son would naturally move on to another activity, a strategy to avoid him dwelling on topics too long (which could happen, for instance, at bedtime).

For our purposes, that time has been the one day each week that I pick him up from school. The ride home gives us a twenty-minute conversation window, and when we arrive he has various free-time activities to switch his focus to.

At some point our sessions developed from “awkward conversations” that I led to an “ask me anything” opportunity that my son felt safe to participate in. I began inviting him to do so, and the consistent time and place has allowed him to plan as well. It surprised me the first time he got into the car and said, “Okay, I have three questions today.”

Not only the timing, but also the setting of our conversations is important. While driving we are able to look at traffic rather than feeling compelled to make eye contact. It allows the conversation to just flow without my son feeling conspicuous. My wife and I credit Dr. Jim Berg for the wisdom of side-by-side (rather than face-to-face) interaction and the lessening of tension that produces.

Also, repetition has been helpful. We have spoken about some topics more than once because they just didn’t click at first. Our pastor likes to say “repetition aids learning,” and that principle applies to these topics.

A Surprise

One day I shared with our pastor that God had allowed my son and me to develop a very strong relationship. He noted that he had seen a maturing in him, and I told him about our weekly interactions. I see those as a key factor in the growth of our relationship. It has developed far beyond my expectations for this time in our lives.

It is amazing how the conversations have become much more two-way with my son asking me for personal insights based on my experiences. That was the true surprise.

Other times when we drive together, we love to listen to audiobooks, and have done so ever since I started taking him to school in the mornings. We have listened to light-hearted books written by Mark Twain or P.G. Wodehouse and weightier material authored by the likes of Charles Dickens. We even “braved” the story of the Endurance together.

We always have a book we are listening to, and he always wants to listen to it. These shared experiences have also helped us bond, and they prompt other conversations. But as much as we enjoy audio books together, we don’t ever listen to one during our ask me anything time. It is reserved for a singular purpose, and we both recognize and value that.

Currently, my role as father/mentor/coach is in full swing, but the transition to father/friend is in sight and approaches ever closer with each passing year. I pray that the seeds planted today will pay off in the coming years as my son makes choices and as our relationship continues to develop.

The saying goes “Little people have little problems, but big people have big problems.” Just because he grows up doesn’t mean he won’t need a father. I also have another son; he is 12 . . . and the world is dark, and the stakes are high. I am seeking a time to implement conversations with him as well.

Helping Your Child Face Fear

Chris Pennington — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 21:27:19 GMT

A few weeks ago, I woke up early to get cinnamon rolls ready for breakfast. My kids love them and it was going to be a nice surprise. Surprise they got!

Within a few minutes, the rolls expanded more than usual and some of the filling dropped on the bottom of the oven—eventually setting off the fire alarm! Everyone was suddenly awake, screaming, and running!

Not the morning surprise I was planning!

A Pattern of Fear

While fear is natural in this fallen world, some struggle with it more than others. One of my kids is prone to deep fear on a regular basis and let’s just say the “Cinnamon Roll disaster of 2023” has produced a few weeks of difficult bedtimes as she wrestles with fear. These patterns of fear require a comprehensive response.

Not One Solution

In an effort to “fix” problems, dads often look for “the cause.” Life, however, is rarely that simple.

Forced simple solutions often harm as much as they help. We are a composite of parts: physical, mental, social, spiritual, etc. When deep patterns arise, we should expect to address them comprehensively.

In other words, perhaps our energies are better spent working everywhere that could help rather than trying to identify “the one cause” behind the trouble.

My Part: Addressing the Spiritual

In our child’s case, we’ve approached her fear physically, mentally, socially, and more. In each of these areas, I rely on experts for techniques and aids from their fields. I would encourage you to consider each of these aspects in your own parenting.

As a pastor, however, I would do well to stick to my area of expertise in this post: the spiritual response. I do, however, want to emphasize that many problems require a full response that addresses each area of the human experience. Help in all of these areas comes as a grace from God.

Helps for Children Dealing with Fear

Let me offer four starting points when helping your child respond to fear spiritually.

1. Listen and care like God.

In 1 Kings 19, God finds Elijah hiding in the wilderness despairing of life and on the run from Jezebel. He cries out, “O LORD, take away my life…” (1 Kings 19:4).

Remarkably, God listens to him and never speaks. He then meets his immediate needs by providing food, drink, and rest.

With our child, I’ve noticed her settledness before God is largely dependent on my ability to mimic God’s care for Elijah. If I am quick to dismiss her fears (e.g., about the fire alarm going off again), her fears grow. When she expresses fears, it's important to hold her and ask her questions, to listen to her and make her feel safe.

2. Learn to ask foundational questions.

When my daughter expresses fear, my default response is to make statements. “That’s not true. That won’t happen. That’s impossible.”

I've found questions, however, are much more powerful because they force her to work through fear personally. And ultimately that’s where she needs to grow.

Nearly ever answer comes as a result of the questions who, what, why, where, when, and how. When asking questions of my child, I've found all of these questions are helpful, but in the right order. I save why and how questions for the end, since they are more analytical and require a base of facts to ask.

Throughout these questions, I introduce God into her fears. Here is a sample of questions I have asked my daughter:

What are you afraid of? What started that fear? How long have you been afraid of __?”
When do you feel those fears? What does your body and mind do when you’re afraid?
Where are you when you are afraid? Who is around? Does it happen when others are around?
What goes through your mind when you are afraid? What are you thinking about? How do you try to stop your fears?
What do you think God thinks when you’re afraid?
How do you know God is in control? What do you tell yourself about God when you are afraid?
What reasons do you have for not fearing? Why should you not be afraid?

These types of questions can help your child identify the spiritual realities that should impact the way (s)he faces fear.

3. Equip your child with the Bible.

As dads, part of our job is to mature our children to independence from us. As Christian dads, we want our children’s dependence on us to be transferred to God.

One of the best ways to help your child depend on God is to teach them key passages relating to their troubles. They’ll need these passages at a moment’s notice, so help your child memorize the Bible and then use these passages as helps during times of fear. Here are some verses we’ve found helpful:

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6–7) ”Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.“ (Philippians 4:4–6) “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3)

4. Teach your child a big God!

Whatever the trouble, God is the answer. Often God’s care is mediated through people, words, medicine and more, but all of these graces trace back to the Fountainhead.

A good friend pointed me to Psalm 11, and in it I’ve found a lot of help for my child. Verses 1–3 likely point to the words of David’s advisers as they counsel him to discouragement: “what can the righteous do?!”

The answer comes in the form of reminders about God’s control and power: “The LORD is in his holy temple” (4). Fear is ultimately conquered by fear of the Lord.[^1]

God’s glory can be explained to children by a few analogies:

Size: God is larger than anything, like a mountain peak stands above surrounding hills.
Grandeur: God is more splendid and impressive than anything, like a majestic overlook is better than a parking lot.
Beauty: God is more desirable than anything, like a sunset is better than a lightbulb.

Deep-seated fear is only conquered in stages as God’s glory is routinely impressed upon our hearts, souls, and minds. Make a practice of pointing each grace back to God’s glory. During regular life, point to God’s presence, helps, and person.

[^1]: The “fear of the Lord” is a hard concept to capture in a single word like “reference” or “respect.” It either sounds too weak (e.g., “just respect God”) or too intense (e.g., “be afraid of God”). A good working definition is “taking everything God is and says seriously.”

What Should I Expect From My Teenager?

Chris Lynch — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 15:17:09 GMT

“Teens will be teens.”

“They have to sow their wild oats for a while.”

“They’ll grow up someday.”

Such is the prevalent cultural perspective on adolescence. Western society, by and large, expects the teen years to be ones fraught with immaturity, listlessness and wasted time. Pretty much anyone from the ages of 13–18 is bound to be rebellious, carefree, dramatic, self-centered, and unstable. Adolescence is presented as this weird and awkward no-man’s-land between childhood and adulthood. And there’s really nothing any of us can do about it.

This perspective on adolescence has permeated Christian homes and churches as well. But before we embrace our culture’s conclusions about the teen years, we as dads, parents, and fellow church members need to ask this question: are God’s expectations for Christian teens different from those of Christian adults? Why or why not? The answer to those questions has a massive impact on how we instruct and encourage the teens in our homes.

God’s Perspective

No, God does not have a different set of expectations for young people. His Word makes clear that He expects them to be servants just like adults. God has a high standard for young people, and that standard is one of ever-increasing sanctification, maturity (physical and spiritual), and excitement for service. With our teens, we shouldn’t accommodate a rebellion against high expectations but instead emphasize a rejection of low expectations.

So what are those expectations God sets for our teens? God’s Word presents several realities to which Christian teens must align their lives and thinking. Here are a few to earnestly ponder and faithfully teach to the young people God has entrusted to us.

God Expects Growth

The redeeming work of Jesus in the heart produces a fundamental change in a person. God’s Word calls it being a new creation. That’s an instantaneous change, but it has ongoing and increasing implications for the life of a believer. That ongoing work is called spiritual growth.

Scripture makes it very clear that Christians, no matter how long they have been saved or what age they are, are called to grow. Grow in grace. Grow in your knowledge of God. Grow in your constant commitment to his Word. Grow in the knowledge of your purpose. Grow away from the distractions that will distract or derail you from your new purpose. Grow in your love for God.

We have a perfect example for this. God’s Son Himself is held up as the ultimate example (Luke 2:52). Jesus grew. Yes, his body grew and matured, as did his mental acuity and social skills. But so did his favor with God—Jesus grew in his walk with his Heavenly Father.

As a redeemed sinner, you’re all about someone else now. You are not your own person anymore. You have been bought with the price of Christ’s blood for the purpose of bringing glory to God in your life. That calling is placed upon your believing teens at the moment of their conversion. It’s not something they can start pursuing later. Growing spiritually starts now. And God promises to accomplish that in our teens as they submit to that process.

Look up 2 Cor. 5:17; 2 Pet. 3:18; 1 Cor. 6:19–20; 1 Thess. 5:23; Phil. 1:6 with your teens and discuss with them what mindset the truths found there must produce in them. This is for everybody! All believers. No exceptions made based on how young you are.

God Expects Christlikeness

The ultimate goal of all that growth is looking like Jesus. Romans 8:29 tells our teens that God saved them for the purpose of making them like Jesus. Teens must learn that Jesus didn’t just save their lives; he now is their lives—their purpose and goal.

This reality flies in the face of what our culture expects of our teens. But it also runs counter to what they want—what their natural desires are. Look at Romans 13:13–14:

Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in… sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

A believer’s life is to be worthy of our calling in Christ—different! Life is not all about selfish fun anymore. “Sensuality” is pursuing anything that makes me feel good. It’s all about me! Quarreling (an argumentative spirit) has no place in the conversation of believers. Jealousy is an immature and wholly self-centered way to think about others. These are exactly the traits our society expects in teens.

Instead, all believers are commanded to set aside their desires and to put on Jesus. And again, this is for everybody. All believers. No exceptions. There’s no middle ground during which it’s ok with God for you to still live for self while you wait to “grow up”. This is your believing teen’s calling—right now: be like Christ.

God Expects Service

Throughout the New Testament, God’s people are commanded to be active in serving their Savior.

We are told to go and make disciples of those around us by proclaiming what Jesus has done for them (Matt. 28:19).
We are commanded to assemble with God’s people and encourage each other to the growth we’ve seen above (Heb. 10:24-25).
We are commanded to actively seek out the needs and interests of others and humbly meet those needs (Phil. 2:1-4).
We are instructed to use the gifts and talents we’ve been given to serve others in the church (1 Peter 4:10). And by the way, every believer is gifted to serve in some way and is indispensable to what Christ is doing in his church (1 Cor. 12:22).
We are encouraged to help others who are struggling with sin and restore them to a close walk with God again (Gal. 6:1).

This list just scratches the surface of the entire picture of what serving Jesus means. And each one is something a teen can do—and must do! These are not callings for grownups, they’re callings for followers of Jesus. Period. The teen years are not too early to serve. In fact, they’re a vital time to set lifelong patterns of activity! Encourage them to serve, model that service yourself as their parent, and make active participation a non-negotiable.

What God Says to Young People

Throughout this article we’ve emphasized the reality that God does not have a different set of expectations for young people. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t communicate those expectations directly to young people! Check out these verses, written for those who are perceived in their culture as being young. See how the message is the same? No low expectations here!

Psalm 119:9–10 How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!
1 Corinthians 16:13–14 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.
1 Timothy 4:12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Dads, share these truths with your teens. Seek God through his Word, and he will keep you faithful. Be mature—show it in your vigilance against sin, the firmness of your faith, and your gentle love for others. And remember, no matter what your age, you are called to grow and serve God.

5 Reasons to Play Pickleball With Your Spouse and Kids

John Dalrymple — Tue, 26 Sep 2023 17:48:15 GMT

As a dad, I’m always looking for intentional activities like pickleball that will bring our entire family together while also teaching our kids character, helping them connect with others, and providing exercise. I want to redeem the time with my family (Eph. 5:16; Col. 4:5) and I’m not alone in my pursuit.

In the summer of 1965 on Bainbridge Island (near Seattle), a few dads and their bored kids took various pieces of sporting equipment and started improvising—their purpose was to create a game that the whole family could play together. And they were successful, because the sport they came up with is now played by over 30 million Americans. It is known as pickleball.

Here are a few practical reasons why pickleball would be a terrific game for you to play with your spouse and kids.

1. Pickleball is fun for all ages.

I want my kids to enjoy playing sports, but I don’t want to spend multiple nights a week with our family split up at various locations around town for hours of practices and games on different teams. My kids will participate in some team sports leagues, but I do love being able to easily take the entire family down to our local pickleball court where everyone (including my 2-year-old) can grab a paddle and jump out onto the court together.

It evens the playing field

At this point in our family’s life, our level of pickleball play is not very competitive. And yet, everyone is able to have fun and get the ball over the net. Unlike some sports, pickleball doesn’t require significant strength or speed. The smaller court size, combined with the slower, wiffle-style ball, really helps make it accessible for all ages.

Become partners for life

Throughout our marriage, my wife and I have wanted to find an activity that we enjoy doing together that we could continue to play long after our kids are grown. In addition to hiking and traveling, we have found pickleball to be a great couples activity—one that many people play into their 80’s! Since your spouse is your partner for life (1 Cor. 7:39), consider becoming pickleball partners or find some other activity that you can enjoy together for many years to come.

2. Pickleball is a social sport.

In pickleball, you are close enough to talk with your partner during game play- unlike some sports where it is more challenging because you are fairly separated on the field (try having a conversation with a fellow outfielder during a baseball game!).

Slow the pace

In contrast to many team sports where you are moving quickly down the court/field with a game clock that’s ticking (basketball, football, soccer), pickleball is one of the more relaxed social sports where the slower pace provides more opportunity for casual conversation.

More than once, the nature of the game has allowed us to pause mid-game and address interpersonal conflict among our kids or a lack of teamwork or to teach them about encouraging others. This type of active Bible instruction (Deuteronomy 6:7) is made simpler because of the slower overall speed of the game.

Connections > Competition

I enjoy watching my kids from the sidelines as they compete in team sports, but I also love being able to be out on the pickleball court with them making memories and connecting as a family. I’m a very competitive person, so these times on the court with my kids are an important time to model good sportsmanship. Not only is pickleball great for spending quality time together as a family, it’s also a great way to connect with other people in the community. We’ve met some wonderful people in our area and made new friendships through our regular visits to our local pickleball court.

3. Pickleball is easy to learn.

Some kids will avoid certain sports because of the challenging learning curve or all the complicated rules. In my experience, pickleball is one of the easiest sports to pick up and play.[^1]

Find a friend

Using a lightweight paddle (a little larger than one used for ping pong) you hit a wiffle-like ball across a 36-inch-high net on a small court (about 1/4 the size of a tennis court). You can read the basic pickleball rules over at usapickleball.org, but one of the best ways to learn is simply to find someone who already plays and just have them guide you through the rules and technique out on a court. In my experience, the pickleball community is a great group of people who are more than willing to help beginners.

Try new things

It's important to encourage your kids to try new things and grow in perseverance throughout the learning process. However, this can be particularly challenging (and potentially embarrassing) for them when they have to learn on a field or court full of players. Pickleball allows you to teach your kids in an environment that has much less pressure than some team sports.

4. Pickleball has great health benefits.

In addition to the health benefits that come from social interaction with others, pickleball is a great way for you and your kids to stay active. As a Christian dad, I recognize that bodily exercise has some profit (1 Tim. 4:8) and my body is “a temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 6:19-20). As a result, I have made a commitment to steward the body that God has given me for His glory and one of the ways I do that is by playing pickleball!

Get a whole-body workout

Playing pickleball improves balance, eye-hand coordination, and flexibility. The smaller court and low-impact nature of the game is easy on the bones and joints (for those of us dads who don’t feel so young anymore) while still providing a good whole-body workout. Although the game can have a relaxed pace, there are moments of split-second decision making that can help sharpen the mind (especially when you and your opponent are both at the net!).

Exercise with your family

It’s also very easy to work up a sweat with short bursts of energy. My kids are almost always worn out after we finish playing (probably because I have them constantly moving to run after the stray balls).[^2]

If you’re a dad with lots of life pressures from work and family, an aerobic activity like pickleball is a great way to release endorphins, helping to relieve stress. As dads, one of the ways we ensure that we are fit to serve our families (and glorify God) is by taking good care of our bodies and our health. Pickleball is a great way to do that.

5. Pickleball has a very low cost.

When you are searching for an activity that is fun for all ages, a social sport, easy to learn, with great health benefits, you might expect to break the bank. However, pickleball can be remarkably inexpensive. For the average price you’d pay to take your family out for fast food, you can pick up some paddles and balls and be ready to hit the courts.

If you plan to play a lot, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to invest in some decent court shoes that provide support for your lateral movements (though that’s probably not necessary for the kids).

Invest in your family

Pickleball continues to be one of the fastest growing sports in America. There are over 10,000 pickleball courts and many more being built every month![^3] While there are leagues and tournaments available in many cities, chances are, you can find beginner (and competitive) pick-up play at a nearby court without paying any fees. You can make a significant investment in your family’s health and well-being without spending a lot of money!

Audit your family’s activities.

Whether or not your family takes up pickleball, let me encourage you to take some time with your spouse to jot down and evaluate the pros and cons of the various activities your family is currently involved in or is considering starting.[^4]

Does this activity bring your family together or pull it apart?
Does it provide opportunities to connect with others as a family?
Does it include positive or negative influences for your kids?
Is this an engaging and enjoyable activity for the entire family?
Does it contribute towards the character and physical development of you and your children?
Is this activity something that you and your wife could potentially continue after your kids are grown and gone?
Is it something your kids could continue after they are grown?
Does it put pressure on your family finances?
Does it dominate your family schedule?
Does it pull you away from your involvement with your church family?

There will be endless opportunities for your family that you and your spouse will have to evaluate in the years ahead. In addition to careful analysis, always take time to pray for God’s perspective and wisdom about your family’s schedule (Proverbs 2:6; James 1:5).

[^1]: As a beginner, the most challenging pickleball rules for me to learn and remember (aside from some of the scoring) was staying out of the area by the net called “the kitchen” when hitting a volley (in the air) or waiting for the ball to hit the ground once on my side after serving. [^2]: When my kids are not tired at the end of play, we usually finish with running drills where they race to touch different lines on the court in a sequence…and for now, they love it. [^3]: Search on Pickleheads to find a public pickleball court near you. [^4]: At some point, it is good to include your children in the process of prayerfully considering what activities should be on the family calendar since this will help prepare them for their future as adults and parents.

Mercy for the Wandering Child

Tommy Jeffcott — Tue, 19 Sep 2023 21:54:43 GMT

Recently I found myself struggling to fall asleep. This isn’t altogether uncommon for a Pastor. On any given day there are a dozen things that have the potential to rob me of sleep. However, this night was different. As I lay in bed, I found myself growing concerned about the possibility of one of my children rejecting Christ. My children are still relatively young but I have counseled many grieving parents who are distraught because their child now openly rejects the biblical truth that they were carefully taught.

Children are precious to us and we fervently desire to see our children know and love their Creator. Therefore, it wounds us deeply when they reject the God who made them. As God would have it, the very next morning I opened my Bible to my scheduled Bible reading and found myself in 2 Chronicles 33. In this text, I found comfort and hope and my prayer is that God would use this account to do the same thing for you.

The Story of Manasseh

When King Hezekiah died, his son Manasseh became ruler. Manasseh was as wicked as they come. We might outline his wickedness in this way:

He sinned in spite of having a great knowledge of God.
His sin was brazen.
He encouraged others to sin.

In sum, we are told, “So Manasseh seduced Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to do more evil than the nations whom the Lord had destroyed before the children of Israel.” (2 Chronicles 33:9) One commentator notes,

These verses serve as an indictment against Manasseh. What God had covenanted with David and Solomon was being ignored by Manasseh. God had put his “Name,” his very character, his very essence, in the temple. Manasseh was in effect replacing God with the “carved image.” Whereas God had promised not to send the people into exile if they remained faithful, v. 8 implies that they would indeed find their “feet … leave the land” (cf. Jer 18:5–10). Manasseh did indeed lead Judah into rebellion against God (v. 9) and when God spoke to him and the people they ignored the offer of grace. This action sealed their fate.[^1]

The description of Manasseh’s sin is intended to shock the reader. The contrast between the mercy and patience of God and the bold wickedness of Manasseh serves to highlight God’s long-suffering nature. However, we read in Genesis 6:3, “My Spirit shall not strive with man forever.” God will be just and sin has consequences. God sovereignly orchestrates human affairs in order to bring about His desired end.

We read in verse 11, “Therefore the Lord brought upon them the captains of the army of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh with hooks, bound him with bronze fetters, and carried him off to Babylon.” James tells us that sin brings death (James 1:15). Sin feels good in the moment but sin ultimately brings destruction.

Manasseh responds to God’s correction in this way, “he implored the Lord his God, and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers, 13 and prayed to Him” (v. 12-13) If you are grieving over the sin of a loved one who is living in open rebellion against God, pray that they would respond to God’s correction in the way that Manasseh did.

We note several things about his response.

1. He cried out to God.

This is the same pattern we observe from David in Psalm 51 - “against you and you only have I sinned.” God only is our hope because He is the One that we have offended. J.I. Packer helpfully notes,

“Repentance means turning from as much as you know of your sin to give as much as you know of yourself to as much as you know of your God, and as our knowledge grows at these three points so our practice of repentance has to be enlarged.”[^2]

2. Manasseh was genuinely humble.

True humility is rare because as soon as we think we have it, it is gone. How then can we say that Manasseh was truly humble? The Lord saw his heart and restored Manassah. It doesn’t matter if we convince others that we are humble. It only matters that the Lord sees our hearts and knows that we are humble.

This was the pattern of the tax collector in Luke 18:13, “And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’”

3. Manasseh demonstrated the genuineness of his repentance.

It was not merely lip service. The Apostle Paul tells King Agrippa in Acts 26, “but declared first to those in Damascus and in Jerusalem, and throughout all the region of Judea, and then to the Gentiles, that they should repent, turn to God, and do works befitting repentance.” Earlier Paul said that the Lord sent him to, “open their eyes, in order to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me.’” “Turning from darkness to light” is a description of true repentance.

Pastor Steven Cole notes, “That last phrase (“faith in Me”) shows that repentance is synonymous with faith in Christ. You can’t truly believe in Christ without turning from your sin any more than you can turn north at the same time you’re heading south. Because God and sin are at opposite ends of the spectrum, you cannot turn to God without turning from sin. Repentance begins as an entreaty, “God be merciful to me, the sinner!” But it continues in deeds appropriate to repentance.”

There was a definite change in Manasseh’s life. J.A. Thompson remarks,

“Manasseh provides a convincing example of the efficacy of repentance, indeed, the best example in the Chronicler’s whole work, of which there are several (12:1–12; 19–20, 32:25–26).”[^1]

God graciously restored Manasseh. Repentance brings restoration. Here in 2 Chronicles 33, we find a beautiful picture of God’s ability to bring peace and joy where before there was only pride and sorrow. Verse 13 tells us that God, “...received his entreaty, heard his supplication, and brought him back to Jerusalem into his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the Lord was God.” Every sin is ultimately a denial of God’s sovereign claim on the universe. We are in essence claiming that we are God and He is not. Therefore, humility always accompanies true repentance.

One must recognize their place before a righteous, holy God and plead for mercy. In so doing, we acknowledge His sovereignty over all things. Manasseh was trying very hard to be the Lord of his own life. When everything was over, Manasseh “knew that the Lord was God.” God was extremely kind to Manasseh and he allowed Manasseh to reign for 55 years. That’s the longest reign of any king in Judah, longer than David or Solomon or Hezekiah!

As you pray for your loved one who is suppressing God’s truth in unrighteousness, beseech God on the basis of His mercy. God’s mercy is our hope. God is able to mercifully save and the story of Manasseh is just one example of this.

[^1]: J. A. Thompson, 1, 2 Chronicles, vol. 9, The New American Commentary, 369–370 [^2]: J. I. Packer (2005). “Keep in Step with the Spirit: Finding Fullness in Our Walk with God”, p.87, Baker Books

9 Common Pitfalls in Christian Dating

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 12 Sep 2023 21:30:33 GMT

One of the most important issues to a teen or young adult is his or her relationships with the opposite gender. As a dad, you have a responsibility to help your children navigate those relationships. Will you allow them to date in high school? Will your family do courting or dating? What stipulations will you place on your children’s relationships?

Christian dad, you must teach your children about dating and shepherd them through the process. Here are nine pitfalls to use as talking points when discussing this important matter.

1. Parents not being involved

Biblical examples of parents being involved in this area can be found in Genesis 24:1-9; Ruth 2:18-3:18; and Proverbs 5:1-23, 6:20-35, and 7:1-27. Based on these and other passages, some families prefer courtship to dating. Other cultures go so far as to have arranged marriages! However, whichever model you use, parents should be involved.

This is part of what it means to honor your parents (Eph 6:1-3) and is also very practical. After all, who knows a child better than his or her parents? And parents also want what’s best for their children. Why not work together on this?

2. Dating an unbeliever

The Bible is very clear that Christians are not to marry unbelievers. 1 Corinthians 6:14-15 says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?”

Negative examples in this area include Esau, Judah, Samson, and Solomon. But what about dating an unbeliever? What if the guy says he is saved but doesn’t act like it? Can you witness through dating? I believe Scripture would say “no” to both, but these are important discussions to have with your kids.

3. Dating for fun rather than to find a spouse

“What could go wrong,” your teen might ask, “with dating for fun?” The answer, of course, is, “a lot.” Explain to your children that when you date, you are awakening a romantic attraction that can’t lead to its logical end until marriage.

Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” It is very difficult to “flee youthful lusts” while dating recreationally. This is one of the reasons I highly discourage teenage dating.

4. Getting married too soon or too late

Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” You aren’t ready to get married until you are prepared to leave your parents and support a family. Young men should ask themselves, “Do I have a job that can pay all the bills?” Young ladies should ask themselves, “Am I ready to have children?”

Your grandparents may have gotten married when he was 18 and she was 17, but that probably won’t work well today. Sometimes, a couple will rush into marriage, and it turns out badly for them.

On the flip side, some couples wait too long to get married. I heard of a couple who dated for 10 years so that the guy could pay off his house before marriage! An engagement that long introduces a lot of temptation. At some point, you just have to trust God and move forward.

5. Dating before you know what you’re looking for in a spouse

Think about it: you wouldn’t start shopping for a house or a car before you first sat down and thought about what you were looking for. In the same way, you shouldn’t start dating until you know what you are looking for in a spouse.

One of the challenges my dad gave to me before I started dating was to make a list of “negotiables” and “non-negotiables" that I was looking for in a wife. Once I was done, we discussed the list together. What a productive exercise! (And also fun, when it comes to discussing “negotiables” like looks, interests, etc.)

Of course, when it comes to non-negotiables, the Bible must be our guide. This is a time for a young person to dig deep into God’s word to determine what God values most in a spouse.

6. Allowing your head to follow your heart in a dating relationship

If your kids have grown up watching Disney movies, they’ve been told that following their hearts is the key to success in romantic relationships. What a lie! Proverbs 28:26 says, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered.”

One of the biggest dangers in dating is becoming emotionally invested before you’ve had time to think hard or pray about it. This is a recipe for disaster. As opposed to following their hearts, teens and young adults must be warned to guard their hearts while they’re dating. The dating process is a gradual giving away of your heart to the other person as you approach the day when you two will get married.

7. Idolizing your boyfriend or girlfriend

The “idols of the heart” concept is so important for us to grasp! Apart from being sinful, idolatry simply does not work. Anytime we try to make one of God’s good gifts ultimate, we crush it under our weight. Loving your boyfriend or girlfriend biblically and helping them draw close to the Lord is good. Idolizing them is bad, both for you and for them!

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”[^1] If God’s plan for your child is marriage, they will quickly find that their spouse cannot satisfy their every desire. If God’s plan for your child is singleness, it is crucial that they find their contentment in Him. Why not help your kids learn this lesson ahead of time? Only Christ can satisfy!

8. Not setting up standards or inviting accountability

Of course, one of the most devastating failures when it comes to dating is not being pure. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” According to our Creator, the only acceptable context for sexual activity is biblical marriage.

This means that premarital sex, pornography, masturbation, sexting, etc. are all off-limits. Make sure your teenagers understand these things clearly, since they will face these temptations.

Also, help your children avoid these temptations by setting up standards and systems of accountability. Is it appropriate to hold hands, sit close, or kiss? What safeguards will they have about being alone in a vehicle?

One of the most neglected areas of accountability when it comes to Christian young people is smart phone usage. How will your daughter be accountable for pictures she sends to her boyfriend or topics of conversation they discuss via Messenger? If your teenagers are not wise and humble enough to see the wisdom of safeguards, then they are not ready to date.[^2]

9. Ignoring red flags

Proverbs 27:12 says, “A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself; the simple pass on and are punished.” One of the goals for dating is to look for red flags that reveal bad character. These may be hard to spot at first but will gradually reveal themselves over time. Once you are emotionally invested in a relationship, it is tempting to overlook these red flags, but do not do so! You will almost certainly regret it.

Parents can help their teens and young adults notice red flags if their children are willing to listen. This highlights the importance of developing and maintaining a good relationship with your children.[^3]

Dads, there are few choices your children will make in life as impactful as who they will marry. Do you love them enough to teach and shepherd them through the process of finding a spouse?

[^1]: This reference is printed on the inside of my wedding ring. [^2]: The booklet, “Dating Standards” by Sam Brock, director of Ironwood Christian Camp in Southern California is a great resource to help your teens make their own dating standards under your supervision. [^3]: An excellent book for girls on noticing red flags in dating relationships is She’s Got the Wrong Guy, by Deepak Reju. See also pp. 41-43 in Sam Brock’s “Dating Standards”.

A.R.I.S.E to Overcome Temptation

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 05 Sep 2023 12:46:08 GMT

Can you relate to any of these scenarios?

You’re getting the kids ready for bed, and one of them is taking for-ev-er. This is not unusual, but it still frustrates you. You are tempted to lash out and harshly command him to move it along.
Your child has started to pick up some bad habits and questionable language from their friends. You lay in bed at night and wrestle with the temptation to worry and fret over them.
It’s been a long week and by Friday night you and your wife are exhausted. After the kids go down you settle in for a movie, but it has some lewd content in it. Now, in addition to being tired, you are fighting the temptation to lust.

In all these situations, you have a choice to make. Temptation is knocking at your door, luring and enticing you to sin. How do you fight temptation to sin in the heat of the battle? Recently, I have been using the acrostic “A.R.I.S.E.” to help me overcome temptation before it conceives sin (James 1:13–15). Here’s what “A.R.I.S.E.” means and how following these five steps can help you fight your spiritual battles as well.

A- Ask the Holy Spirit for help.

You can’t and won’t defeat temptation with just your effort. The Holy Spirit empowers you in every spiritual battle. Christians grow through “grace-driven effort.” A friend of mine says, “We pour a teaspoon of effort, God backs up a dump truck of grace.” You are going to fight with all your might, but you need the Holy Spirit’s empowerment. The fight against temptation starts by inviting the Holy Spirit into the battle and receiving His strength to resist.

R- Resist immediately.

How immediately? Within 3 seconds. Temptation’s goal is to conceive sin. Say no to it right away, and do not let temptation become sin. Engage your will and do not let it linger at the door of your heart. Stop it in its tracks by resisting it immediately!

I- Inject God into the situation.

When you inject God into the situation, you will see the temptation from his point of view. Your view of God makes all the difference in the world. Reject the lies the temptation whispers to you and replace them with truth about God. Remember his character (who God is), his commands (what God says), and his commitments (what God promises). In the heat of temptation, you may not have much time to think, so remember one or two truths about God and then move to the next step.

After the temptation is over, take some time to break down how you were tempted so that you can respond in a more godly way. Here’s how to do that:

Learn the triggers of your temptation. When were you tempted to sin?
Identify the lies behind your temptation. Behind every sin is a lie. These lies rationalize the sin, justify it in your mind, and excuse it away.
Replace the lies with truth about God. The key to overcoming temptation is to identify the wrong beliefs about God and replace them with truth. At the heart of every sin is an unbelieving heart, which means spiritual battles are faith battles. Do you believe God’s Word enough to resist the temptation?

S- Seek satisfaction in your Savior.

This is the missing step for many people. When you enjoy Jesus and have tasted his goodness, your appetite for sin slowly changes. Therefore, fight desire for sin with greater desire for Jesus. This is the power of greater satisfaction in God. Being a Christian is not missing out on good stuff while everyone else enjoys it. God is not holding out on you; he’s actually offering you something so much better, so much more satisfying. Yes, there is a small amount of satisfaction in sin, but it is quickly gone and it is never enough. There is greater, more abiding satisfaction in Christ, and He is always enough.

E- Escape the temptation.

1 Corinthians 10:13–14 contains God’s escape plan: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”

Temptation is common, which means it can be defeated. God is faithful to always provide you an escape hatch. There are two escape routes that you can choose in a temptation. First is to endure temptation, to resist it without giving in. The second is to flee, to get away from the temptation.

This is the Joseph principle: Get away from the situation as often as you can, but when you can’t, rely on God’s grace to resist it. Joseph resisted the advances of Potiphar’s wife by not enduring her seductive lies and then by literally running away. Why did Joseph resist? Because he believed something was better. Joseph fought temptation with truth about God. He said, “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Gen. 39:9) Joseph’s right view of God changed his thinking, guided his actions, and helped him escape the temptation.

Conclusion

Temptation comes in various shapes and sizes. It tries to get us to sin against the very people we love the most and would give anything to protect. We all have chosen to sin instead of resisting temptation. Proverbs 24:16 says, “for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.” If you have sinned, confess that to the Lord and He will forgive. And then, my friend, A.R.I.S.E and resist temptation!

Global Church Myopia

Andrew French — Tue, 29 Aug 2023 00:00:00 GMT

It wasn’t until I was 25 years old that I developed myopia. At least I think so. I remember being frustrated at the team that made the worship song projection slides so fuzzy that no one could read them! And then there was my brother’s skepticism of my not being able to read those street signs. Nearsightedness is a problem—especially if you don’t quite realize it.

One area of myopia that Christian parents, and increasingly teens, experience is that of global church myopia. When rightly emphasizing the centrality of the local church, it’s possible to overcorrect and de-emphasize what God is also up to around the globe.

The church started in what we now call Asia. The Middle East. Jerusalem. Jesus said it would spread concentrically from there, and it has.

The church is broader than the American church. We in the United States are a far-flung off-shoot of the “uttermost parts of the earth.” We are barely 400 years into gospel advance here. We’re just one part of the nations who would “glorify God for His mercy” (Rom. 15:9; cf. Mal. 1:11).

So, how can you and your family more comprehensively appreciate and involve yourselves in God’s global activity? How can you correct global church myopia?

1. Don’t put too much stock in this world.

Christ, in Matthew 6:21, gives us a proverb: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” He’s telling us why we ought to store up treasure in heaven and not on earth.

The more stuff I amass, the more attention it demands from me. Inordinate focus on earthly possessions will lead my heart away from the eternal and to the ephemeral.

Now Christ is not saying it’s wrong to provide for our family (1 Tim. 5:8), enjoy good things (Eccl. 2:24–25), or be like the ant (which works and plans for the future—Prov. 6.6–8). Instead, He goes on to make this point: how well you see affects how you live (Matt. 6:22-23).

If you’re seeing rightly, you’ll live rightly. If you’re seeing poorly, you’ll live poorly. And what could get in the way of your eyesight? The earthly and temporal. Don’t put too much stock in this world.

This is foundational to helping us out of our global church myopia.

2. Seek first God’s kingdom.

“But what if I hold these things in life too loosely because I’m pursuing God so much?” Chances are, that’s not going to be a problem. Sometimes, though, we do have to make conscious choices between what we want and what God wants.

This decision might cost me relational capital with my boss.
This decision might cost me something financially.
This decision might cost me some comfort.

“Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things”—the necessary, sustaining things in life—“will be added to you.”

We have to believe this personally.

And sometimes we have to believe this about those who are close to us. As a parent or grandparent, the natural tendency is to want to keep the kids close and safe. But that’s not always God’s plan.

Don’t shepherd your child back into comfort and being close to you when God is moving them on and calling them elsewhere to serve Him.

I came across a video recently highlighting a Ukrainian pastor. It really helped me see beyond my comfortable Christian self. There are just a lot of people in this world who are in situations that are horrible. Unjustly suffering. This Ukrainian pastor—rather than running from difficulty, has used their country’s situation as unique gospel opportunity—showing the love and gospel of Christ.

We as Americans are uniquely pain averse. All humans are kind of this way, of course. There’s something wrong when someone is seeking out personal pain. But we as Americans are so extremely comfortable and wealthy, any ounce of challenge must somehow be bought away or avoided.

Don’t think that difficulty does not equal God’s will. Rather, pursue God’s priorities and He’ll take care of the needs we have.

3. Normalize God’s global activity in your family life.

Pray for our missionaries regularly. Have a stack of your church’s supported missionaries at your dinner table and pick one or two each night to pray for.

Read missionary biographies.

Follow modern missions activity. Frontline Missions does a fantastic job of this through their “Dispatches.” They have more than 10 1-hour-long video snapshots of where in the world the gospel is advancing. Go buy them, or stream them for free. Let them correct that global church myopia.

Consider going.

4. Normalize local church involvement in your family life.

Consider staying. But in staying, we dare not stay for comfort’s sake but for the gospel’s.

We, too, in our own local churches are part of God’s global activity.

Around the globe, God’s desire is that image-bearers from all the nations would glorify God for His mercy. Let’s lead our families in ways that will bring the global church into sharper focus.

Lessons from Boaz for Dads

Brett Stowe — Mon, 21 Aug 2023 23:22:33 GMT

We live in an age where adulthood is increasingly shunned and the idea of “never growing up” is the aspiration of many. This is evidenced by the fact that we now have a term called “adulting.”[^1] This term assumes that adults can actually refrain from being adults and instead live as 30-year old teenagers until they decide to do “grown up” things.

This aspiration never to grow up and live a life with minimal responsibilities is a concern when it comes to developing husbands and fathers that will glorify God in biblical leadership and sacrificial service. One cannot simply decide to neglect his responsibility to provide for his family or protect his wife because he doesn’t feel like doing it that day. And yet, we live in a time where this seems to be an option to many.

We need to recover a healthy theology of leadership that glorifies God and embraces the idea of biblical manhood. One such example of this is found in the story of Boaz and Ruth. Let’s examine three ways in which Boaz demonstrates biblical manhood.

The Gentle Care of Boaz

As Ruth sets out to provide for her mother-in-law, Naomi, she comes to a field of a close relative of Naomi’s named Boaz. Boaz meets Ruth and commends her for her labor and faithfulness to Yahweh. He goes a step further and gives her permission to glean from his field and assures her of his protection (Ruth 2:8–9). Boaz demonstrates care and compassion in an age where dominance and abuse was common (2:22).

When Boaz saw someone in need, he took action to meet that need. He chose to use his influence to nourish and care for Ruth rather than exploit her.

The Firm Protection of Boaz

God instilled in His creative order that men should protect. This has always been both God’s design and desire. However, in a fallen world we see men neglecting this God-given role. We are witnessing a world that is fighting against this design of their Creator. Fear, cowardice, and laziness seem to overcome the conviction of many to protect and provide for their families.

The example of Boaz pushes against this ungodly trend. He immediately puts together a plan for Ruth not only to avoid danger but also to flourish. He instructs His workers not to harm her (2:9). He provides nourishment and food for her in order to assure that she will not go hungry (2:14–18). Later, when Ruth and Naomi are looking for a kinsman redeemer, Boaz takes it upon himself to make sure they are cared for (3:11–14). This is the type of Biblical leadership that is needed in our homes. May our homes and churches be filled with fathers and husbands that make it their mission to protect and provide for others, even if it costs them personally.

The Intentional Responsibility of Boaz

Naomi makes a statement regarding Boaz that gives us much insight into this man’s character. Naomi says in 3:18, “Wait, my daughter (Ruth), until you learn how the matter turns out, for the man (Boaz) will not rest but will settle the matter today (ESV).” Could you have a statement like this said about you? Are you known for relentless commitment to your duties? Does your work ethic demonstrate that you will not rest until the task is complete?

Boaz could have stalled this responsibility. He could have responded to Ruth’s request by pushing the responsibility on the nearer kinsman (3:12), but he did not. His reputation was such that others knew he would faithfully execute the task that he had promised to do.

Christ, Our Example

It is easy to give moral examples and encourage men to be caring and responsible, but this leads to the following questions: how can we be caring, and why should we be responsible? Is it because this helps to create a good society? Is it because these are simply good things to do? These answers are valid but insufficient.

Godly husbands and fathers should be caring, giving, and responsible because they serve and follow the God who is caring, giving, and responsible. When we yield our allegiance to the Sovereign One, we cannot be indifferent. The character of Boaz is an example of this. His character was the natural outflow of a man who treasured God above everything. He considered his relationship to God as the chief concern of his life (2:12).

As we seek to be men who demonstrate these qualities, let us remember that the One who sacrificed Himself for us calls us to sacrifice ourselves for our families and friends. The One who took on Himself the responsibility for the salvation of man calls us to take responsibility for what He has called us to do. The One who gently leads His sheep through life and eternity calls us to gently walk with others. May we follow the example of our Savior as we care for those whom God has entrusted to us.

[^1]: Adulting: actions and behaviour that are considered typical of adults, not children or young people per the Cambridge dictionary

Helping Children Fight Sin

Chris Pennington — Tue, 15 Aug 2023 13:26:37 GMT

Children and teens like to ask “why” but they’re not always great at answering it.

If I ask my daughter why she yelled at her sister, that conversation is going nowhere fast. The most common response I get is “I don’t know.”

Ask a teenager why they followed friends into bad decisions and you’ll get a shrug and an “I dunno.”

Dads aren’t great at these types of introspective questions either. Oftentimes, we don’t ask ourselves the question. And when we do, it can be difficult to discern a helpful answer that isn’t just destructively introspective.

The Need for a Sin Postmortem

We’ve all seen the shows. A crusty-looking investigator arrives at the scene of a horrific murder. He scans the room under eerie lighting to discover hidden fibers, scattered fingerprints, and tell-tale marks on the victim’s body.

No investigator answers the question “how did this happen?” with a shrug and an “I don’t know.” We expect a postmortem to prevent future crimes and to catch the culprit.

I’m calling for the same healthy introspection following sin—especially repeated sin. I’m not suggesting a self-condemning, discouraging spiral of guilt and doubt, but an honest look at “why does this keep happening?”

Engaging Your Children in the Postmortem

James 4 opens with a direct analysis of sin. In this particular case, jealousy and selfishness had divided and harmed the churches to whom James wrote. James 4:1 reads,

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?

Notice that James invites you to ask the question “why?” Then he offers an answer, expecting you to agree with him (you can hear that anticipation in “is it not this…”). James puts his finger on “passions.”[^1]

In verse 2, he continues, describing how these desires lead to sin. I’ve taken from this text a couple of questions that help my children start to analyze their sin:

What did you want that you didn’t get?
What did you have that you didn’t want?

They’re the same question, just from different angles. And it’s a question that’s much easier to answer than “why.” I find even my three-year-old can discern the answer.

Example: Anger in a Child

We have a daughter who is particularly prone to explosions of anger. She can go from a calm lakeshore to an atomic bomb level in about ten seconds.

After she would blow up, I would have her go settle down in her room. When she was calm, I’d ask her my questions: What did you want that you didn’t get? or What did you get that you didn’t want?

Over time, we identified together that she especially struggles with anger when she expects a certain outcome and plans suddenly change.

She responds particularly well to stories and visual aids, so we talked about anger. “There are two main types of anger that people struggle with,” I explained. “Lava anger that slowly burns and destroys people in a quiet way and bomb anger that explodes suddenly and destroys everything around you. Which do you think you struggle with?”

It wasn’t hard for her to divine the answer. “Do you know what they do to stop bombs from blowing up? They send in a bomb squad.”

We used the picture of a dynamite fuse burning. “You only have about 10 seconds when you first feel the burning and want to blow up!”

When my wife and I see my daughter take the first step toward bomb anger, we tell her to go “bomb squad.” Bomb squadding (is this a word?) means 1) going to another room, 2) sitting down, and 3) praying to God to ask for his help, even though life changed suddenly and she’s not getting what she wants.

She will regularly suddenly disappear for a few minutes and return to whisper in my ear, “Daddy, I just bomb squadded.” Even at 5, the moments leading up to sin are identifiable with practice and help. And it’s led her to grace. God has help for her!

Benefits of the Sin Postmortem

We’ve seen at least three benefits in ourselves and our children when we’ve consistently evaluated past sin and made plans to avoid it.

1. You can see sin coming

My little five-year-old can now spot the first seconds of explosive anger. It triggers a response in her. Uh oh! I’m going to explode.

2. You see sin as deceptive

We use lots of words for sin in common life: mistake, misstep, accident, and more. When you get good at seeing sin coming, you start to see the lies in sin. Sin is no longer something to tame; it’s something to kill.

3. You learn dependence

Your children need to learn to pray at the moment of temptation. They need to practice reaching out to God for help. If you ask for help and then commit the sin, it also helps identify a key component of sin as described in the Bible: sin is always against God.

May God help us guide our children in their battle against sin.

[^1]: This is not the typical word for lust, but the more general term meaning “enjoyment” or “pleasure.” It’s the word from which we get the English word “hedonism.” While verse 2 uses the word “lust” (i.e., strong desire), here it seems James is identifying the subtle error of living for personal enjoyment over all else.

Resetting Four Parenting Misperceptions

Chris Lynch — Tue, 08 Aug 2023 23:37:34 GMT

A couple weeks ago, I was speaking to a young dad at our neighborhood pool. He confided to me that he and his wife (who also works outside the home) often joke that, now that kids have come along, it’s no longer “Friday can’t come fast enough”; it’s “Monday can’t come fast enough!” Weekends aren’t a break anymore—they’re harder than the work week!

While he was speaking in jest, he was expressing a significant reality for parents everywhere. Parenting is hard—one of the hardest jobs in existence. It’s exhausting. It can be isolating. It’s monotonous and often feels unrewarding. It can be discouraging and can even feel hopeless.

If you’re like me, you have had days as a parent that leave you feeling all of those sentiments. It is easy and natural for those sentiments to become prevailing perceptions in our minds. Thankfully, God’s Word addresses those perceptions with wonderful encouragement—truths that we can’t live and function without!

Let’s briefly look at four common perceptions of parenting that come naturally to us as parents. For each one, we’ll see how God’s truth both combats each misperception and replaces it with true reality—that the job of parenting is eternally worth all the effort! You’ll likely read nothing earth-shattering here, but I pray that these simple thoughts will be an encouragement to all of us who share in this difficult but marvelous calling as dads.

Perception #1: Parenting is Overwhelming

I saw a meme on social media recently that claimed that 90% of parenting is just longing for the next opportunity to lie down again! Parenting often seems like a constant game of dodgeball—while doing a juggling act at the same time. There is so much to remember, so much to do, so much pressure to succeed (their spiritual and physical well-being are at stake!), and it never ends.

Yes, parenting is overwhelming. And you know what? It’s actually designed to be overwhelming. The overwhelming tasks and challenges God gives us are not intended to be doable alone. They are to drive us to God’s grace. When Paul faced an overwhelming challenge, Christ simply encouraged him with the truth that his grace is sufficient. In fact, his power shines brightly through our weakness. His glory is seen through the fact that we are weak without him. Read and study 2 Cor. 12:9-10; it will encourage you.

Hebrews 4:16 is another huge encouragement for the overwhelmed parent. Jesus understands our weaknesses because, during his life on earth, he experienced them too. He faced exhaustion. He felt the limits of human strength. He had overwhelming tasks to perform. He didn’t parent, but he did lead a bunch of immature, obstinate, slow learners! The Savior that understands our weaknesses has the strength to overcome them—so pray! Draw near to the throne of grace with confidence he can help. He longs to!

Perception #2: Parenting is Mundane

It seems crazy that both the above perceptions can be so common, but it’s true. One day we’re overwhelmed by our parenting calling; the next day we’re discontent with how boring and mundane it is. The days often crawl because of the monotony of parenthood.

Our selfishness as parents really starts to show with this one. Parenting means you miss out on fun things. Parenting means 7:30pm bedtimes—and you’re stuck at home the rest of the night. Particularly for younger families, vacations aren’t fun breaks from reality; they’re just more of the same daily routine in a different setting. Parenting can just make life boring. And we don’t like that.

But it’s in the mundane that our greatest opportunities to serve our God through parenting abound! Moses instructed God’s Old Testament people to pass along their love for and relationship with God to their children in the midst of the mundane. Deut. 6:4-9 teaches us to teach and model love for God and his truth to our kids diligently in the simple daily settings of life. Life is not one constant high-velocity adventure; it’s regular normal ordinary days stacked one after the other. Your kids need to see your love for your God and your steady walk with him in the midst of the mundane. What an opportunity ordinary life gives to us dads!

Perception #3: Parenting is All-Consuming

Because the role of a parent is so constant, it is easy for it to become your life. Parenting can become so all-consuming that you can tend to ignore everything else. Your role as a parent is a central and vital calling for your life, but it is not your only calling. A sole focus on your duties as a dad will isolate you from fellowship and could even lead to idolatry—prioritizing your children at the expense of your most important relationship.

It is easy to find energy only for your parenting role and neglect other equally vital ones. You are a disciple of Jesus (Luke 9:23) with a deep need for regular time with him (Ps. 119:9–11). You’re a Spirit-empowered messenger of the gospel outside the walls of your home (Acts 1:8). You’re a church member with a responsibility to serve Christ fervently there with your gifts (1 Pet. 4:10–11; Heb. 10:24–25). You’re a husband with an equal calling before God to edify and enable the Personal Growth of your wife (Eph. 5:25–27).

Remember that the grace God provides for your parenting (see Perception #1 above) is also available for all of these other responsibilities, too! So don’t let parenting consume you at the expense of your other opportunities. God’s kingdom work is bigger than your kids. And when they see you prioritize and balance these God-given roles, they will grow too.

Perception #4: Parenting is Futile

Perhaps the ultimate discouragement for us parents is the feeling that we’re spinning our wheels and expending all this effort for naught. Both the overwhelming and the mundane nature of parenting lead us here. “What’s the use?” we might ask. The all-consuming nature of parenting responsibilities exhaust us, and it seems like we have nothing to show for it.

Why bother continuing to patiently teach and correct when there is seemingly no behavior change? Why do I bother even trying to meet the needs of my children when there are so many needs all at once with no end in sight? How is it possible to continue to bear the financial burden connected with raising children? Why can I not seem to get any traction in my relationship with my teenager? Why do I never seem to have the answers? What’s the point?!

Galatians 6:9 may seem like a trite passage to throw at this deeply emotional and discouraging perception of parenting. It sounds like a quick fix. “Just keep going; it’ll turn out alright!” But stop for a moment and look at what God is saying.

Gal. 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (ESV)

Look first of all at what God calls what you’re doing—it’s good. It’s doing good. Recognize that parenting is one of these good works to which this verse refers. Your faithful, patient, loving, thankless, long-term parenting is nothing less than obeying and serving and honoring Jesus. It has an incalculable impact on eternity. It’s eternally and immensely valuable and significant. It’s good.

The command here is not to grow weary in doing good. This would include the good work of parenting as ambassadors for God’s kingdom. Though parenting is overwhelming, mundane, and can consume so much of your energy, time, and resources, it is worth every form of daily exertion.

You will naturally be weary. But remember the grace that is abundantly and constantly sufficient. Remember that your Savior knows what you are facing and longs for you to come to him in time of need. Remember that the truth your children need to hear from you and see in you is designed to be taught in the midst of the mundane. Remember to prioritize your relationship with your God.

Each of the perceptions we’ve addressed here is alive and well in every stage of parenting, from the newborn to the college student and everything in between! But don’t you think that the one who gave you this job so that his glory may be clearly seen is highly invested in ensuring you succeed? He will give grace, and he will bring glory to himself, and your faithfulness will not go unnoticed—if you do not give up.

You’re investing in something eternally valuable, and the blessing and reward you receive for your faithfulness are eternal, too. There may be years of struggle and apparent futility ahead. But don’t let weariness take over. Run to him. Obey him. Lean on him. Know him. Love him. And teach your kids to do the same. Your God says it’s worth it, dads. And we can trust him to ensure that it is!

Lessons From a Desperate Dad

John Dalrymple — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 06:00:00 GMT

One day, a man came running up to Jesus, knelt before Him, and begged Him to have mercy on his son, an only child. He explained that his son had suffered terribly since childhood through seizures brought on by an unclean spirit. Many times, the spirit had thrown the boy into the fire and water to destroy him. The dad continued by explaining that Jesus’ disciples tried but were unable to heal the boy.

At this point, the boy was brought to Jesus and had a seizure right there in front of Him. The dad turned to Jesus and implored, “If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus responded, “If I can do anything? All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately, the dad cried out with the ironic statement, “I believe! Help my unbelief” and Jesus responded with compassion by rebuking the demon and delivering the boy from his suffering (Lk 9:37–42; Mt 17:14–19; and Mk 9:14–28).

While most of us probably don’t have a child with a demon (though some of us may question that at times), make no mistake, dads, we are on a spiritual battlefield. Satan is out to destroy our kids. We do our best to help our kids battle their sin struggles, but sometimes the situation can seem desperate and we are at our wit’s end as a parent.

This hope-filled story from the gospels gives three simple encouragements for desperate dads.

1. We are not smart enough or strong enough to rescue our kids

This may not seem very encouraging at first, but it is freeing to realize that we weren’t meant to be our kid’s Savior. When I was 10 years old, my dad dove into a lake and rescued me from drowning in the middle of a storm. However, in the process, he also came close to drowning and we had to both be rescued by boat. Kids tend to think of their dad as superheroes, but we must realize that we can’t save our kids from their sin struggles. We can shepherd their hearts, but we can’t change their hearts. That brings us to the second observation…

2. Our only real solution is to bring our kids to Jesus

I’m sure the dad in our story had tried everything available for his son’s deliverance. But at the end of the day, his son just needed to get to Jesus. So, bring your kids to Him.

Bring them to Jesus in prayer. My wife and I have frequent conversations about our kids and their sin struggles but our most important conversations are those that are directed towards God in prayerful dependence. We need to do this together as a couple and also individually with each of our kids.
Bring them to Jesus in prayer. This takes place in a group setting during family devotions and through one-on-one discipleship conversations such as on a date with dad. It can also be very effective during times of discipline after they have sinned. Use the truth from God’s Word to show them what God has to say about their sin and how Jesus is the solution.
Bring them to Jesus and His body. Surround your kids with a godly church family since it is God’s plan to use the church body to build up each individual to be more like Jesus (Eph. 4:12–13). My children will greatly benefit from hearing the truth of God’s Word about their sin struggles from other godly Christians who are committed to helping them grow and mature in Christ.

Whatever we do, we must bring our kids to Jesus. Why?

3. All things are possible with Him

There is no son too wayward, there is no daughter too distant, there is no child beyond the reach of Jesus’ power to rescue. If you have become disheartened and even doubtful about Jesus’ ability to help your child, adopt the words of the desperate dad in our story, “I believe! Help my unbelief!”

Jesus can help your child with lying, for He is the truth (Jn. 14:6).
He can help your child overcome fear, for He calmed the storms (Mk. 4:35–41).
He can help your child through grief, for He defeated death (Rev. 1:18).
He can help your child through guilt, for He is our righteousness (1 Cor. 1:30).
He can help your child through conflict, for He is the Prince of Peace (Is. 9:6).
He can help your child through danger, for He is the Good Shepherd (Jn 10:11).

From Desperation to Dependence

A few weeks ago, I was correcting one of my sons for an oft-repeated offense and I broke down and admitted to him, “I just didn’t know how else to help you.” I am committed to faithfully correcting, training, instructing, and disciplining my son, but it wasn’t until I was at this point of desperation that I specifically acknowledged to my son his need for God’s help.

May God cause our desperation as dads to drive us to greater dependence on Jesus.

Resource Recommendation: Patch the Pirate

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 25 Jul 2023 13:19:44 GMT

If you take a ride in the Schaal minivan, you will most likely hear it. It’s like our soundtrack for road trips. Our children have most of the songs memorized. My wife and I even joke that we have gone several minutes on a date night before remembering to turn it off because it’s so normal. Both of us listened to it when we were children.

What am I referring to? Patch the Pirate.

What is Patch the Pirate?

Patch the Pirate is a series of audio adventures for children published by Majesty Music. Since 1982, Majesty has released one adventure per year.

For over 35 years, the Patch the Pirate adventures were written and directed by Ron and Shelly Hamilton. Ron became “Patch the Pirate” after his left eye was removed due to cancer. The kids at Ron’s church loved the patch he was required to wear after surgery. Ron’s humble submission to the Lord’s leadership during this difficult time led to a fruitful ministry which touched the lives of thousands of children.

Ron passed away on April 19, 2023. You can read a tribute to him here.

In 2018, the Hamiltons’ son-in-law Adam Morgan took over at Majesty Music and Patch the Pirate. He and his wife Megan (Ron and Shelly’s daughter) continue to publish adventures in their parents’ tradition.

What is a Patch adventure like?

Each adventure consists of a captivating storyline punctuated with a dozen or more original fun or sacred songs for kids. The main characters are sailors aboard a ship named “The Jolly Roger.” Several of the main characters are children. There are also several animal characters in every adventure––for instance, a sea gull, a lion, a whale, an elephant, a swordfish, etc.

Often, the adventures strike a light-hearted tone. The voice acting is engaging for children, and there is plenty of humor sprinkled in for the parents. Many of the songs are catchy and upbeat.

What is the point of Patch the Pirate?

The purpose of Patch the Pirate is to teach children biblical truths and build Christ-like character.

For instance, there is an adventure about the fruit of the Spirit. Another adventure focuses on the importance of being a servant. One of my favorite Patch the Pirate recordings from when I was a child was “Kidnapped on I-Land,” which addresses the sin of selfishness. And there is an entire adventure dedicated to the truth that “you reap what you sow.”

Why recommend Patch the Pirate?

Like I said, we listen to a lot of Patch the Pirate at our house. (We own most of the adventures.) Here are three reasons I recommend them.

Solid, biblical teaching – Listening to the adventures again as a pastor with a Master’s degree in Bible gives me a newfound appreciation for them. If you have your children listen to Patch adventures, they will receive sound doctrine.
Appealing to children – I haven’t met an elementary-aged child yet who doesn’t enjoy Patch the Pirate. Your kids will want to listen to the adventures again and again, and in doing so, they will be internalizing the doctrine mentioned above.
Truth that sticks – As every hymn-writer knows, music is a powerful tool for making truth “sticky.” As your children memorize the Patch songs, they will be hiding God’s word in their hearts. We live in a media-filled world. Much of that media is dedicated to messages that oppose Christianity. Why not expose our children to engaging content that will build them up in Christ? The Patch the Pirate adventures I listened to as a kid were formative in my life.

Any disclaimers?

In general, it is good parenting to watch/listen to the media your children intake to help them process it better. No resource is perfect, and everyone’s sensibilities will be a little bit different. To me, the humor in some of the older Patch adventures makes me a bit uncomfortable. Also, the stereotypes in a few of the older adventures may be less culturally aware than some would prefer. However, overall, this resource is awesome! 🙂

How can I access Patch the Pirate?

You can stream all 43 Patch the Pirate adventures using the Patch the Pirate Plus app (available on the Apple App Store and Google Play). Several of the adventures are also available in the Apple Music app and in Spotify. Or, you can download individual adventures (or order them in CD format) at majestymusic.com.

Happy listening!

Help for Family Devotions

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 06:00:00 GMT

The evening is winding down and bedtime approaches. Each child joyfully picks up the toys and changes into their pajamas. Teeth are brushed without fighting and the family gathers peacefully on the couch. Dad reads the Bible story; everyone listens attentively. A lively discussion about the story follows. Each child contributes to the conversation, respectfully waiting their turn. The singing is enthusiastic, with some disappointment that there is time for only three songs. Each child prays in turn, expressing their gratitude to the Lord for another wonderful day.

If this sounds like an idyllic family devotional time to you, that’s because it is. Idyllic—and totally unrealistic. You probably thought, “Ya right—this doesn’t describe my family!” And, frankly, neither does it describe our family’s devotional time either. Ours looks more like this:

The call to get ready for bed is met with a mixture of groans, complaints, and clandestine disobedience. Though the energy level in the house steadily declined after supper, all of a sudden every child has a ninth life and both parents are wishing it was their bedtime. Arguments break out over brushing teeth, or who gets to sit where, or whose turn it is to pick the hymns. The Bible story is interrupted by several other non-canonical stories, and no one seems to remember what dad just read. Bodily functions are louder than the singing, and no one wants to pray.

It takes only a couple of experiences like this to discourage parents. Many families attempt to practice family devotions but end up falling off the bandwagon for various reasons. If you’ve ever been discouraged about family devotions, here are five encouragements to help your family navigate the frustrations.

1. Remember its Purpose

Everyone is willing to push through obstacles to gain something worthwhile. If you remember the reasons behind family devotions, you will be more likely to stay on course and continue through discouragement. Consider these three purposes:

Family devotions center your home around the Lord (Josh. 24:15). If Jesus is the foundation of your family, you need regular times of returning your thoughts and hearts to Him. Children (and adults!) need habitual reminders that Christ is the center of their lives, and family devotions is one way to regather the family around Him.

Family devotions provide a specific time to instruct your children in the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 commands fathers to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The spiritual discipline of family devotions provides regular times in the weekly schedule to open the Scriptures with your children and shepherd their hearts toward Christ.

Family devotions are a joyful opportunity to pass on your faith to your children. Psalm 78 entrusts to parents the incredible responsibility of teaching the next generation the greatness of God. This is such an important (and neglected) opportunity. In our age of experts and specialties, it is easy to think that since pastors and Sunday School teachers are the Bible experts, I’ll drop my kids off and let the church teach them about the Bible. Certainly, a healthy local church is vital for the Personal Growth of your family, but you cannot give up your responsibility as a parent to teach your child the Bible.

2. Have Appropriate Expectations

If we aren’t careful, we can quickly place unreasonable expectations on this family devotional time. Expecting too much, whether that is of our kids or of what family devotions can produce, is one reason Christian families jettison this habit. Right expectations make a huge difference, and wrong expectations result in frustration. Here are two common ways we violate this principle:

Don’t strive for perfection. You aren’t perfect, your kids aren’t perfect, and so this time will not be perfect. That’s not meant to discourage, but to remind us of reality. They won’t behave perfectly, they won’t want to do it, it will feel rushed, you may miss a time. OK—don’t let the imperfections prevent you from getting back on the train.

Don’t trust the form for godliness. We must avoid this legalistic thinking. Just because we practice family devotions does not automatically mean that our children will be godly or even be born again. The form simply gives you an opportunity to communicate the glory of Jesus and his love for your children.

3. Choose a Realistic Load of Material

Perhaps one reason things are so frustrating is that you are attempting to do too much. As Kristopher Schaal pointed out in this earlier article[^1], the essentials are Bible reading, singing and prayer. There’s nothing wrong with adding Bible memorization or catechism questions, but instead of trying to do everything, focus first on the basics and adjust based on your season of life.

That leads to a related issue: don’t hold your kids to a standard beyond their years. Your strategy of what to do will have to develop as they grow in age and maturity. The attention span of a two or three-year-old will not be the same as an eight-year-old. The content to work through for a kindergartener should not be the same as a high schooler.

4. Be Flexibly Structured

The phrase “flexibly structured” is a paradox. You need structure to have consistency. Choose a regular time and location. Settle on what you will do for Bible reading. And then stick with it! Don’t sacrifice the best thing for good things.

On the flip side, you need to be flexible. Children are not robots; be discerning enough to know when it is time to adjust the routine. There will be nights that you miss the time; other nights where an abbreviated time is best, and other nights where the whole experience is subpar. That’s fine. It won’t be perfect, but the grace of it is found in consistency, not perfection.

5. Aim for the Heart

This is the most important thing. Aim for your children’s hearts. Proverbs 23:26: “My son, give me your heart.” The heart is the control center for their life; family devotions can be a sweet and tender time to listen to the thoughts of their hearts and show them how incredible Jesus is.

Our prayer is that we reach our boys with the gospel and glory of Jesus. Family devotions are a useful tool as we seek to show our precious children our wonderful Savior.

[^1]: Also consider Family Worship by Don Whitney.

The Dangers of Negative Parenting

Chris Pennington — Tue, 11 Jul 2023 06:00:00 GMT

Having worked with teenagers for nearly 15 years, I routinely field questions from parents about decisions. Should I give my child a phone? or Is it right to make my teen attend a religious event? or Should I let my child fail?

These real questions often come with a real background. Usually parents will follow up with, “My parents did such and such and it was/wasn’t good for me.”

Of course, no home is perfect, but some homes have particularly large defects. Perhaps you grew up in a home void of love, respect, and care. As a dad, how should your childhood affect your parenting? Should it dominate it, inform it, have nothing to do with it, or something else?

Choosing Your Authority

When a parent’s own childhood experience looms too large, it becomes the source of authority in the home (what I’m calling negative parenting). What’s “right” ends up being whatever your parents’ didn’t do and what’s “wrong” is any action that smells of your childhood.

The trouble is, your experience isn’t authoritative; the Bible is! When making parenting decisions, devote yourself to the Bible’s authority. It is, after all, the “only rule to direct us how we may glorify and enjoy him”[^1] and God breathed it out for “teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16–17).

Your childhood—even if it was good—is not authoritative.

Focusing on a poor childhood holds at least two additional dangers. First, focusing on it will harm your kids. They didn’t have your childhood, so don’t make it such a focus that they experience it second-hand.

Another danger exists: focusing on your parents’ shortcomings will almost certainly make you less aware of your own. No matter how godly you live or how carefully you parent, you will leave your children with a legacy of imperfection—all the more reason to keep pointing them to the Bible as the only faultless authority!

Correcting a Wayward Home

The question still remains, how do you correct a wayward home? Let’s say your home growing up lacked grace. Your parents were cruel, demanding, and you could never live up to their expectations. How should you correct that error?

Imagine you’re flying a plane that’s veering hard right. I’ve never flown a plane, but I did play some flight simulator games as a kid. My game had two joysticks: one for turning left and one for turning right. While you may need to make a quick overcorrection to get back on course, once you find your heading, you’ll need to push sticks both forward to stay on course. Otherwise, you’ll overcorrect and have a new problem.

With the authority of the Bible as your guide for choosing the right heading, you may need to dramatically adjust in the short term—showing more forbearance with your kids than would otherwise be natural or even appropriate in the long term. But eventually, you’ll need to press the joystick called “discipline” forward or you’ll overcorrect and create a new error.

You can see how important it is to have an authority outside of your experience!

How do you avoid overcorrecting? Let me offer two suggestions that will overcome any in-born error you have:

1. Teach the whole Bible

The Bible, the whole Bible, holds all of God’s teaching in perfect balance. The best failsafe is to trust the Bible without fail. If you consistently teach the whole Bible to your children, you will be properly balanced in your parenting.

2. Attend a healthy church.

In Acts 20:27, the Apostle Paul declares that he taught the Ephesians the “whole counsel of God.” This is one of the key symptoms of a healthy church and a faithful pastor.

No matter how carefully you teach or how fully you explain the Bible, you will need help. Surround your children with a church environment that focuses on the Bible over programs and activities, and on God’s truth over political or social opinions.

Concluding Encouragements

Your past can reach out and grab you like a zombie from the grave, but it doesn’t have to hold power over you. Your children didn’t have your parents, your youth environment, or the other failures of your past.

I’ve met so many parents through the years who can hardly make a decision for their kids without saying, “I just want to give my kids all I never had.” That is not a north star worth following and is impossible to fulfill.

What your kids need is not the opposite of your childhood, but the full, warm light of the Bible filling all your decisions for your home.

Let me end with three final exhortations:

1. Know the Bible yourself.

Your home will only be Bible saturated if you are! It’s no accident that Deuteronomy 6:4–9 (the famous guiding light for Hebrew homes) starts with an exhortation to parents:

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart (Deuteronomy 6:6).

2. Appreciate God’s kindness to you.

If you’ve recognized genuine errors in the way you were raised, it’s because of God’s kindness to you. Have you ever taken the time to thank God for his insight? God has graced you with a better understanding of His will than your parents had and He deserves your praise.

Like David says, “I have more understanding than all my teachers” (Psalm 119:99). Why? “for your testimonies are my meditation” (emphasis mine).

Nurture humility, submission, and confession.

It’s possible to see the truth, but to grasp at it with pride. “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12). But for God’s grace, you will leave your children with your own weaknesses. Cultivate humility.

Second, pattern submission to God’s Word in front of your children. Your kids need to know that God is “your boss.” You don’t get to say or do whatever you want because you answer to The King.

Finally, pattern confession. Many dads undercut all their intentional teaching with an arrogant refusal to admit wrongdoing. You will fail—probably today and probably more than once! As the leader, be the leading confessor and the leading forgiver.

Parenting has a goal: to send your children out for God like arrows from a bow (Psalm 127:4). That positive goal shouldn’t be muddled by negative, fear-based, backwards-looking parenting. Strive forward for Christ with your family and avoid the dangers of negative parenting!

[^1]: This famous line is from question 2 of the Westminster Catechism.

Let Me Tell You a Story

Clay Gibbons — Tue, 04 Jul 2023 13:24:19 GMT

When my oldest turned six, I began to read her stories I read in my childhood. I clearly remember the effect that these stories had on me as a child. I can still picture the librarian, Mrs. Frye, sitting my fourth grade class down and reading to us. She read to us Jack Tales, Indian in the Cupboard, and the Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell, along with others. Some kids slept, others fidgeted, but as an eight-year-old sat entranced as she painted the Pacific Island with O'Dell's words. She was our guide and took us on a journey to that deserted island and we witnessed the story together; the effect was borderline magical.

This is what I hoped to recreate with my own children. I wanted to expand their minds and experience through the writings of others. I wanted them to journey to that island in the Pacific and to that little log cabin in Wisconsin, to Narnia, to Tamil Nadu and so many more places. So we began to read together at bedtime. First we have our time in the Scriptures and then we try and enjoy a good story together. We read all sorts of stories, some true, some fictional, but we try to select ones that tell are excellent. My oldest is now twelve and as I look back there are so many things that I wish I could undo and redo as a parent. Yet, if I could do it again, reading is something that I wouldn't change. Why is that? Let me give you a few reasons why I think reading stories to your children is so important.

Stories can help bring peace to bedtime.

If your children are anything like mine, they would prefer a trip to the doctor over going to bed. This can turn bedtime into a game of whack-a-mole where we get one child in bed only to then have two more pop out of bed again. However if reading stories is on the schedule, once bedtime is announced they practically run to bed. It is one of their favorite times of day: they nestle under their covers and beg for one more chapter.

Yes, there are frequent interruptions of "what does ____ mean?" and "Daddy, I think that they are going to…?" Yet, it is you, their father, who gets to answer these questions and be their guide. Time well invested. As a bonus, your wife will also thank you for an hour or so of calm in order to finish up some work or put her feet up for a well deserved rest.

Stories strengthen your bond with your children.

The read aloud story is a community experience. Your children’s memories of the story are coloured by your reading. They will remember your character voices, accents, emphases and emotions. They may not remember the characters or the plot line but they will remember that it was you who shared it with them. There have been a few instances when we have listened to an audiobook after I have read to them in the evenings. It has been so gratifying to hear my children's protestations against the narrator as, "They aren't doing the voices right! Dad, we like yours better." At this, I give a smug smile to my wife. It certainly isn't that I am more talented than the audiobook narrator, but it is that we have experienced something together as a family and they prefer that initial experience over any subsequent ones.

Stories help you point out the truths of Scripture and see humanity more clearly.

Every moment is a teaching moment, right?. The lives of the characters experienced through a story are no exception. When we read of John Wesley's conversion, we stopped and discussed. We read and talked about the cruelty that Amy Carmichael encountered as she went to India. We discussed the selfish reactions, the betrayal of friends and family and the gospel themes in the Wingfeather Saga.

We have felt the anguish in the death of newborns in the stories of William Carey and the frustrations of the beginnings of his ministry in India. We have marveled at God’s provision for George Muller and his faith in prayer. We have seen the joys of marriage and also the shattered remains of divorce. These stories serve as a reinforcement and demonstration of the truth we are so desperately trying to have permeate into our children's minds and hearts. They expose human hearts and desires in a way that clarifies our humanity, both in our fallenness and redemption. These examples, both fictitious and not, allow me to point out our Biblical worldview in action and say to my children again, “See, the Scriptures are true.”

Stories stoke our children’s imaginations of what was, is, and what will be.

In every story we journey into another place and/or another time. This calls for our children to think alongside the author’s words and color between the lines of what the characters are seeing and feeling. As we read The Explorer we followed a group of children as they trekked through the Amazon. We asked questions of what it must feel like to see a goliath tarantula or swim with piranhas. When we read Little Britches, we explored the difficulties the pioneer ranchers endured as they built farms in Colorado in the late 1800s to early 1900s.

Teaching our children to ask questions is an important skill as we learn the Scriptures. It is mandatory as we ask them to think deeply about a scriptural character's needs, desires and feelings. How must it have felt for Abraham and Sarah to leave their family and journey to an unknown country? Or for Moses as he fled from recriminations in Egypt? How would it look to follow Jesus' command to be a servant in our home? What would repentance look like? Most of all, what will it feel like to one day stand before our Saviour?

How wonderful it will be for Him to return! How marvelous to be part of His eternal kingdom, to walk along and explore the New Heavens and Earth? All these questions require our children to think outside of and reinterpret themselves. As we imagine the scriptural themes, it is not so different to imagining what it must be like to ride on the back of Aslan.

Prepare them to love the Gospel story

Andrew Peterson said in his address at the Creation & Re-Creation: 2013 Fall Conference, "If you want someone to know the truth, tell them. If you want someone to love the truth, tell them a story." I found that quote convicting because I have been guilty of sharing the gospel as a series of facts and consequences. The ABC's of evangelism or the strict Romans Road can flatten all the detail of the mountainous gospel story. It belittles the divine and human personhood of Jesus.

The gospel, and the Scriptures in totality are the most amazing story. As a father, I want my children to see the drama of Adam and Eve, the conflict presented in the fall, the rising and falling action of awaiting the promised Messiah, the climax of Jesus' coming and the cross, the empty tomb and now the coming resolution of all things. I want them to see themselves as characters within this grand tale. The story of Scripture is linked to our stories as Tolkien said in his essay On Fairy Stories: "The Christian joy, the Gloria, is of the same kind; but it is preeminently (infinitely, if our capacity were not finite) high and joyous. But this story is supreme; and it is true."

I hope you keep reading to your children; for their sake and yours. As Lewis mentions, ”No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally (and often far more) worth reading at the age of fifty.” Give them a love for stories, give them a love for the Story.

The One Verse Job Description for Dads

Chris Lynch — Wed, 21 Jun 2023 19:52:50 GMT

A few weeks back our family did some traveling. Along the Interstate system you’ll often see exit signs for small towns, each of them trying to lure you onto the exit ramp to pay a visit. Some advertise a “historic downtown” or “historic district”.

Now I know that many of these towns have been around for a while and have features that are special to residents. But sometimes those advertisements are a little misleading, as if every downtown were a miniature Plymouth Plantation or Williamsburg, just dripping with history. In most cases, it’s probably true that those downtowns may technically be historical settings, but there’s no guarantee for passersby that it’s worth stopping to see something special, just because the sign says so.

Something Special

A Christian family can be “Christian” in name only, or it can grow into something that is so adorning that passersby can’t help but notice something special. It can be a beautiful model that impacts its surroundings for the gospel of Jesus Christ. Not only that, it impacts its participants for the gospel too—its members, the husbands, wives, dads, moms, and kids.

But in order for the family to be a place where that happens, the role of the Christlike parent—particularly the Christlike dad—is essential. And Ephesians 6:4 sums up our calling succinctly and memorably. It’s a one-verse job description for us, guys! Believing dads must adorn the gospel of Jesus to our children. Your role is not surviving them. Your role is proclamation and instruction of the gospel to them.

Paul doesn’t mention fathers by accident here. Dads, in Christ’s structure you model his headship in your home. Just as in your love for your wife (5:25-33), you model Christ’s patient care and instruction for his church with your kids. You are the one ultimately accountable.

Put off overbearing authoritarianism

In Ephesians 4:22-24 Paul presents the put off-put on principle to his readers as key to the new life all believers pursue in Christ. And the whole second half of Ephesians presents example after example of that, and that’s what we have presented in our verse here.

So what are parents to put off? “Do not provoke your children to anger.” We would all agree that that sounds bad, but if we’re honest as dads we’d have to say that also sounds pretty typical.

We resort to overbearing, authoritarian tactics to conquer our children when our selfish desires are being challenged by the frustrations of family life.

When we set unreasonable rules just so we can have peace and quiet. When we lash out in anger at accidents at the dinner table. When we shame their fears or social shortcomings because they embarrass us. When we impatiently demand adherence to our demands instead of instructing and explaining the why where appropriate. When we hypocritically demand attitudes or guidelines for them while selfishly modeling the opposite in our own actions.

All these and many more we can identify with to our shame. That’s part of the daily walk that reflects who we were before the Gospel’s impact. These are traits of spiritually dead people. Paul says put them off.

Put off selfish provocation

How can dads unnecessarily provoke? We can provoke our children to anger and frustration with too much discipline—resorting to mindless, reactionary punishment when patient instruction is needed.

Conversely, we can provoke them with not enough discipline or inconsistent discipline. We can shame instead of protect. We can jump to conclusions instead of patiently analyzing a situation before acting. We can fail here by not taking each child’s unique makeup and struggles into account by lazily treating each one alike.

Colossians 3:21, a parallel passage, commands parents not to provoke their children, “lest they be discouraged.” So it’s not just anger we can provoke them to, right? Bottom line here: Instead of imitating God by walking in love before our children, we’re instead teaching them a twisted, harmful perspective of God himself and failing to model their Savior.

Put on patient disciple-making

Instead, Paul says to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Meet your children’s greatest need—their spiritual growth. Dad, your job is to equip them to serve Jesus in every way possible. That’s discipleship—making and training Christ-followers and Christ-reflectors. And the tools we’ve been given are discipline and instruction. These terms have lots of overlap, but there are some features that separate them.

Provide discipline with the Word

Equipping our children and enabling them to serve Christ includes revealing and correcting what is wrong. Hebrews 12 compares this calling to God’s own working in our lives. “The Lord disciplines the one he loves” (Heb. 12:5-6). For a parent to avoid correction because it’s too hard or for fear of harming your relationship with them is to deprive your children of one of the vital aspects of their growth—and to fail to teach them a vital aspect of their God’s great love.

Our greatest tool in our correction is the Word of God. Show them why something is wrong—how it dishonors God, disobeys him, attacks who he is, and belittles what Jesus did to pay for it.

Provide guidance from the Word

This is the “instruction” Paul references. Your kids don’t need to hear your thoughts as much as they need to hear God’s. Dad’s, how central is God’s Word in your home? How high of a priority do you place on family discussion time centered on Biblical truth? How much does what God thinks about a decision or situation come up in your home?

This requires everyday talk combined with regularly scheduled study together with our children. Let them know what you are learning. Let them know what God’s Word commands of them. Remind them of reasons to praise Him. And expose them to the Gospel—let them know what Jesus has done and is doing to make you and them a new people. His words that lead to His glory through that child’s life.

Paul uses the term bring them up—this is a process that requires long-term patient commitment. Like your kids, we as believers are immature, slow learners. We fail. We don’t listen the first time. Our growth to spiritual maturity is slow. But Christ’s approach to that growth is full of patience, love, and forgiveness. And it’s also successful. Parents, through your discipleship of your children you model Christ’s work in his people.

Called to Adorn!

As believers, we are made alive to good works (Eph. 2:10). To love one another (5:2) and submit to one another as we imitate and revere Christ (5:21). And those Christlike good works must start in our homes. It’s where we portray most clearly who we really are. In your home, you preach Christ to yourself, to the members of your family, to your church, to the lost, to everyone around you.

Your family is a place where Jesus has chosen both to model the work of His gospel and to continue the work of His gospel. To adorn it—to reveal its impact and attractiveness. And the best part is that this is his work—he can do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us for His glory. What a privilege to be a **Christ**ian dad!

Take Your Family Tent Camping

John Pate — Wed, 14 Jun 2023 13:09:17 GMT

My family and I just returned from a two-night camping trip with some friends from church. It was restful, edifying, painful, and so worth it.

Shortly after my wife and I were married, we started tent camping. Since it was just the two of us, it was usually fairly relaxing with minimal effort.

Enter small children. We’ve continued camping (now twice a year), but the effort required with kids has increased exponentially. Here’s what’s interesting: for all the added trouble, we feel that tent camping[^1] has been the source of many blessings we would never have experienced otherwise. Although we don’t assume camping is for everyone, we’d like to encourage other families with small kids to give it a try too!

Before we get to the blessings, let me get some of the challenges out of the way.

Camping with kids is exhausting. Please remember this: it is not a vacation. In fact, it’s right about the time you return home and get the equipment unloaded that you’re going to feel like you need a vacation.
Camping with kids is expensive. At least at first it can be. It’s easy to think you’ll save money by not staying at a resort or hotel, but camping is sometimes where you spend a fortune to live like a homeless person.
Camping with kids can be explosive. When you’re trying to set up in the pouring rain and everyone’s crying or you catch your son dumping sand into the track of the mini-van’s sliding door, your patience will be tested beyond what you experience in your normal routine.

So why in the world should you go camping?

Getting Out of the Grind. You’ll almost have to experience this one to believe it. After the days of preparation and the hours of set-up and getting everyone in their sleeping bags, you and your wife will be sitting there in the pitch dark, and for the first time in months it will be quiet—and your phone will be dying. And it will be great! It’s like a next-level Sabbath. Tent camping may be just the disruption to your routine you need.
Remembering God’s Glory. Every camping trip we take, I’m struck anew with the beauty of God’s creation and the restorative effect it has on me and my family. There’s nothing quite like the smell of fall, or seeing constellations you had forgotten about, or hearing a far-off pack of coyotes to remind you of your Father’s wisdom and power.
Showing Your Family God’s Grace. Camping with my family gives me the opportunity to notice my children in a way I may have failed to do in our everyday routines. Because my children are far from self-sustaining, we spend a lot of up-close time with each other while camping. Those are often opportunities to love and care for my children like my Father cares for me.[^2]
Making Great Memories. It’s impossible to camp with your family without awesome, crazy, funny things happening! Simple, special moments create long-term memories.

Maybe you’re not fully convinced. Could I encourage you just to give it a try? You don’t have to be Bear Grylls to experience the benefits of the outdoors. And if you do give it a try, here are a few tips that might make things go smoother.

Plan well and make a list of items to bring. (Definitely include your wife on this one.)
Start with car-side camping, especially when your kids are little.
Pray with your family before you pull out of the driveway, asking God for safety and grace.
Take it easy on yourself and your family. When camping, less is often more. Don’t try to plan five activities for one day. The magic of camping is the slower pace.
Camp for at least two nights. This is so important. Night 1 may go poorly. Night 2 is there so you can try again. (Also the kids are usually a lot more tired the second night, so everyone sleeps much better!)
Find a type of campground that works well for you. Indiana has a wonderful state park system with fairly uniform campgrounds. Another great way to find new campsites is Hipcamp.com. Whatever you do, find something that works for your family, and don’t be afraid to stick with it.[^3]
Enlist your family’s help. As you set up camp, divide the kids up into two teams—one team helps mom and the other team helps you. It may be “help” more than it is actual help, but it’s so important to get them into the habit of serving others before they do their own thing.
Invest in bins to keep your supplies organized. My family and I just purchased a hitch and cargo-carrier for our minivan to help with space.
Add some unique elements to “go the extra mile.” Set up tiki torches around your tent. Bring along a game of corn hole or ladder ball. Perfect your recipe for Dutch Apple Pie—something to leverage the power of moments.
Build Supplies Slowly. Buy quality supplies gradually rather than cheap supplies all at once.[^4] While you acquire gear, see if you can borrow from family or friends. Here’s a list of recommended camping supplies you could use to get started.

One last thing before you start packing—it’s going to be a little hectic, but don’t forget to relax! Once in a while, stop what you’re doing and just hang out. Your family will be blessed!

[^1]: You may notice I continue to specify we’re talking about tent camping, not the other, more domestic kind of camping. If your budget allows it, and RV camping is your thing, go for it! But I’m going to talk about the real kind of camping. [^2]: Or they are painful revealers of how I’m not doing so well at reflecting my Father’s love. Camping does that too. [^3]: We also like to use non-electric sites so we’re not surrounded by RVs—you know, the pretend kind of camping. [^4]: Nearly any time I purchase another piece of equipment, I consult Outdoorgearlab.com for reviews and recommendations.

The Benefits of One on One Time With Your Children

Kristopher Schaal — Wed, 31 May 2023 06:00:00 GMT

It is one of my kids’ favorite times of the year. They look forward to it for weeks leading up the event. If we miss it, they let us know. What am I referring to?

Birthday dates.

About five years ago, our family started the habit of taking each of our kids on a birthday date with Mommy or Daddy once a year. It started with me and Anaya (our oldest) in a Burger King eating ice cream and playing in the play place. Since then, it has expanded to include activities like mini golf or a trampoline park at various times, but it doesn’t need to be expensive.

This year, I told Anaya that if we didn’t spend money for her birthday date, I would give her $20 instead. (Anaya is saving for a digital camera, so that was appealing to her.) We went to a beautiful park, rode our bikes, ate a sack lunch, and played in the splash pad. She had a wonderful time.

When we first started this tradition, we were living in California. Now that we are back in Arizona and near my parents, they have jumped in on the tradition as well. So my children get two birthday dates every birthday—one with Mommy or Daddy and one with Grandma and Grandpa. They truly are blessed.

My purpose in writing this article is not necessarily to extol the virtues of birthday dates (though I have to admit, they are great, and I think you should try them 😊 ). Instead, I want to motivate you to spend one-on-one time with your children.

Why Should You Spend One-on-One Time?

The benefits of spending one-on-one time with your kids can be traced back to one of the most important parenting passages in Scripture—Deuteronomy 6. Read these words from verses 6-7.

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

One-on-one time with your kids isn’t magical. If you fail to develop it, the benefits will be minimal. However, by carving out one-on-one time with your kids, you are creating a context where Deuteronomy 6:6-7 can happen. Spending time one-on-one with your kids will help you to build relationship and engage in heart-level conversations.

Let’s explore those two benefits further.

1. Building Relationships

Have you heard the phrase, “They won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care?” This rule applies to parenting.

When God reached down to fallen man, He did so primarily to restore a relationship, not just to present a list of rules. To be saved is to become part of God’s family (1 John 3:1). God has time for us (Heb 4:16). We are “accepted in the Beloved” (i.e., Christ—Eph 1:6).

In the same way that God shows His love to us, we ought to show our love to our children. Do your children know that you love them? One-on-one time can be a great opportunity to express love and build relationships with your children.

2. Engaging in Heart-level Conversation

2 Timothy 3:16 is essential to parenting.

“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

The first part of v. 16 defines inspiration. The second half of the verse describes the types of rich, biblical communication that should flow from that doctrine. If God’s word is inspired, then we should use it for teaching truth and reproving false doctrine. If God’s word is inspired, then we should use it for correcting wrong behavior and instructing right behavior. This is Deuteronomy 6 all over again!

The book of Proverbs models the kind of heart level conversations parents should have with their children.[^1] In it, the wise parents address their children about attitude, work ethic, friends, speech, and sexual temptation—all issues that our children still face and need help with today!

We need to set aside times to talk with our children—to share with them what is on our heart as it relates to their lives, to cast a vision for their futures, to warn them about dangers we see coming, to ask them good questions and discover what is going on in their heads and hearts, to learn about them,[^2] to laugh together, to discuss difficult topics, and to tell them our stories. That’s why we need one-on-one time.

Why Not in Groups?

Can’t we accomplish these goals with all of our children together? Isn’t that more efficient?

All of the types of communication listed above can happen during times when we are all together as a family or in groups. There is nothing wrong with that! However, as your children get older, they probably won’t open up in the way that you need them to as long as their siblings are present.

How to Do One-on-One Times?

What are some ways for you to carve out one-on-one time with your kids? Here are a few suggestions.

Young Children

If you take two cars to church or sports practice, allow one child at a time to ride with Mommy or Daddy while the rest ride in the other vehicle. Then, use that time to talk about your child’s day.
If you need to run an errand, take a child with you. Then, instead of being strictly task-oriented, slow down and have a conversation along the way. Stop and notice the funny Christmas decorations at Home Depot. Enjoy the process.
Choose a day of the week where one child gets to stay up past bedtime and play a game with Mom and Dad.

Teens

Take them to lunch. Teens love to eat, and while you are munching on burgers and fries, you can talk.
Get them alone in the car if you have a long drive. On family vacations, take turns letting children sit up front next to you. I have a friend who says, “Car time is quality time.” 😊
Find something your teen enjoys doing and do it together. Talk while you’re at it and during the down times (examples: hiking, shooting hoops or playing catch, hunting, restoring an old vehicle together, baking, crafting/DIY, playing video games).
Don’t force your teen to look at you while you talk. Teens are more comfortable opening up when they aren’t forced to make eye contact or have something to fiddle with. (I know one parent who would lie on the living room floor beside his teenage daughter and look at the ceiling while they talked.)
Take advantage of the times when your teen is in the mood to talk. The car ride home from school may be a bad time. But if she suddenly opens up at 10:30 p.m., don’t cut it short because you are tired.

Let’s slow down and make time for our kids, not just in groups, but as individuals. I think you’ll find that the benefits are amazing.

[^1]: In fact, the entire book is a letter written by a father (and parts by a mother) to a teenage son! [^2]: Don’t forget that biblical communication is not one-sided. It involves listening as much as talking!

Open the Door

Caleb French — Wed, 24 May 2023 06:00:00 GMT

Who do you let into your house?

One of our duties as dads is to protect our families as much as possible from spiritual harm. As believers always have, we live in a world that does not conform to God’s ways. So a natural impulse is to close the gate, crank in the drawbridge, and huddle in the keep—away from the influences that threaten to draw our hearts from our Lord.

These spiritual dangers are real. Some things shouldn’t be allowed in this sanctuary. We are to “be holy as [He] is holy, … conducting [ourselves] with fear [during] the time of [our] exile (1 Peter 1:16–17 ESV). We should “hate [even] the garment stained by the flesh” (Jude 1:23 ESV).

Close Contact

Yet this same Holy Lord, whose people we are, has left us in this world as His priestly representatives (1 Peter 2:9). Indeed, Christ clarified that our situation within a godless culture is deliberate, when He prayed in the garden, “I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil…” (John 17:15 ESV). He wants us here.

But He wants us even more than here. He wants us in substantive contact with the sinners of this world. Really? Yes. We are both light and salt in this world (Matthew 5:13–16). While light can give its benefits from a distance, salt only “does its thing” in direct contact. Paul is even more surprising when he invites believers to “associate with” sinners in 1 Corinthians 5:9–10; then he lists out the kinds of people we should associate with: “the sexually immoral,” the “greedy and swindlers,” the “idolaters” of this world (1 Corinthians 5:9–10 ESV).

All of this adds up to a crucial tension we must maintain: Pursue holiness (protect your family spiritually) and befriend unbelievers. The befriending-unbelievers part, that’s going to mean some hospitality.

Hospitality

Bring them into your home. “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers” (Hebrews 13:2 ESV). Sharing your home with those outside the faith is one of the most tangible ways you can “walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time” (Colossians 4:6 ESV). Mealtime small-talk with unbelievers puts into action the command, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” when the small-talk turns to soul-talk (Colossians 4:6 ESV).

Opening your front door to those who do not know Christ is vulnerable in both directions. That “cool work friend” might not know just how Christian you are until he sees the book titles on your bookshelf, the way you parent your kids, and even the way you pray for a meal. At the same time, your children might be innocent about any number of visible and verbal markers of those without Christ. But purposeful, missional hospitality offers great rewards for God’s kingdom—and your family.

Open Doors

When you open your front door to the lost, you open so many other doors.

Open the door for understanding. As Christians heavily (and rightly) involved in our church communities, we can subtly form caricatures of unbelievers (e.g., political party affiliates, lesbian and gay, agnostics, etc.) more informed by our social media algorithms than experience with real people. Hospitality can help you understand the people behind (and driving) the worldviews we so shrewdly critique in the abstract. I think we’re in for some pleasant surprises: people’s worldviews are not quite so entrenched as we perceive; they’re a lot more like us (bearing God’s image) than we might think; and most of all, all people need the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Open the door for talks with your kids. We have a responsibility to prepare our kids to operate in the world they will inhabit alongside all kinds of people in all manner of lifestyles. Inviting all kinds of people into your home will give rise to talks you probably need to have anyway, but in a personal context of Christian love.

Open the door to friendship. Most of the people we know, we know from a non-relational setting. Before someone is your friend, they are usually your neighbor, your co-worker, your contractor, or your fellow hobby enthusiast. Hospitality can be the powerful bridge from those obligatory connections to a deliberate friendship. And even if that friendship never materializes, or if the friendship never produces a new disciple of Jesus, it still relays the kind of welcoming love we have received from Christ. Offer friendship for the sake of Christ!

Open the door for the gospel. Of course, our hope and prayer for these hospitality efforts is for more souls to enter Christ’s kingdom! Christian hospitality is a faith-filled endeavor to further the Great Commission. By inviting the lost into our homes, we open the door to being the “fragrance of Christ” to “those who are being saved” (2 Corinthians 2:14–16). In evangelism, one of your most powerful tools is hospitality.

Final Tips

Do you want to do this? A few final tips:

Balance. The tension between family protection and openness is difficult to strike. There would theoretically be a point at which a house guest’s negative influence would outweigh the benefit; but I would venture to say the biggest threats to our household’s spiritual climate are not our dinner guests. As a rule, we should be much more careful about the entertainment we consume in our homes than the people we welcome into our homes.

Pray. Do this before you ever invite. Ask God to bless your obedience to His commands by sovereignly preparing your guests to accept. Ask Him to grant lasting fruit from your efforts (John 15:16).

Discuss. This won’t work unless your wife is on board. When both of you are bought into this idea, then you’re ready to proceed; not before.

Initiate. Likely in any twenty-first friendship or family, the Christian(s) will be more likely to initiate hospitality, precisely because we have the Scriptural admonitions and Spirit-motivated love that drives it. Accept that you’re going to be “that guy” who invites your unbeliever buddies (and their families) over.

Eat. This might seem like a no-brainer, but start with a meal. Sharing a meal is the ultimate ice-breaker and conversation-starter—a much better “first thing” than sitting in a circle in the living room and making small talk. (Sometimes Heidi and I even plan a dessert-and-coffee later, not because we need it, but because it continues to put people at ease with “something to do” as they talk, even if it’s just taking bites and sips between sentences.)

Repeat. Once you’ve invited someone into your personal space (your home), it is highly likely they’ll return the favor. Then you can have them back over, and so on. Hospitality builds momentum like that.

Brothers, let’s lead and leverage our families to be the “salt of the earth” for our non-Christian friends and neighbors. Open the door!

Raising Boys to be Gentle Men

John Dalrymple — Wed, 17 May 2023 07:00:00 GMT

Our culture is conflicted about masculinity.

On the one hand, it decries the type of toxic masculinity that results in abuse and violence towards women, but it also enables and encourages male promiscuity and infidelity through sex education and the entertainment industry.

When it comes to violence, it should be no surprise that the population in our prisons are 93% male[^1], especially when 97% of teenage boys play video games for over 2 hours a day[^2] and the majority of popular video games are graphically violent in nature.[^3]

Many in our culture have even started promoting a fluid definition of what it means to be a man regardless of biological realities. Chivalry is dead; not because men lack virtue but because the culture has determined that certain courteous behavior towards women is actually demeaning, not honoring.

Our milieu is a mess.

I want to raise my five boys to be strong men. I want them to have tenacity and resilience, demonstrating unflinching courage in the face of danger.

But as I watch my boys wrestle on the trampoline or on the living room floor, I realize that boys are in need of another important virtue: gentleness.

The History of Gentlemen

In England, from the Middle Ages to the sixteenth century, a gentleman was a warrior. He received training in arms and was prepared for combat, whether in battle or in tournaments. However, by the seventeenth century, gentlemanly behavior had more to do with conduct in a court than combat on a battlefield. Numerous etiquette manuals were produced, outlining proper social behavior.

This emphasis continued into the 18th and 19th centuries when books such as the “Gentleman’s Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness” were produced. In his manual, Cecil Hartley describes a gentleman as one who: holds doors open for women, keeps appointments, offers his seat to others, shows tact, avoids profane language, restrains his anger, and uses kind words.

The social concept of a gentleman has significantly changed over the centuries, but the biblical definition and call for gentle men has remained unchanged.

A Biblical Case for a Gentle Man

When talking about a woman’s true beauty, Peter prioritizes a “gentle” spirit over jewelry and cute outfits (1 Peter 3:4). When Paul describes gentleness, he uses the illustration of a nursing mother who cares for her own children (1 Thess. 2:7). So, does the Bible expect men to be gentle or is this a primarily female virtue?

Perhaps the most direct answer to that question is found in the one place in the Bible where Jesus Christ explicitly describes himself.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29

Dane Ortlund comments on this verse in his wonderful book, Gentle and Lowly,

“Meek. Humble. Gentle. Jesus is not trigger-happy. Not harsh, reactionary, easily exasperated. He is the most understanding person in the universe. The posture most natural to him is not a pointed finger but open arms.” (Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly, 19)

Gentleness is God’s plan for every believer (including men and boys) because gentleness is the very heart of Christ.

Furthermore, gentleness is God’s plan for me and my boys because it is part of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:23). Over and over, the Apostle Paul writes to remind believers that our posture towards others must be one of gentleness:

Restore fallen brothers in a spirit of gentleness (Gal 6:1)
Walk worthy of your calling by showing gentleness (Eph. 4:2)
Let your gentleness be known to everyone (Phil 4:12)
Put on gentleness as God’s chosen ones (Col. 3:12)
Correct unbelievers with gentleness (2 Tim. 2:25)

In addition, if the pastoral character qualifications in 1 Timothy and Titus are exemplary for all men, certainly we should strive to train our boys to become gentle men (1 Tim. 3:3; Titus 3:2).

Raising Gentle Men

As a dad with enough boys to make a basketball team, some people have asked if it feels like we’re constantly hosting a multi-person MMA fight in our house. We might host a ton of testosterone, but that doesn’t mean our boys can’t learn self-control and grow up to be men of honor.

Here are some of the ways we are striving to raise our boys to be gentle men:

We don’t tolerate any form of physical violence in the home. Jesus demonstrated the ability to be struck without returning a blow. (John 18:22; 19:3)
We train our boys to show care for someone who is injured by asking them if they are okay.[^4] The gospels are filled with accounts of Jesus’ tender touch and personal care for people who were in pain or distress. (Matthew 8:3, 15; 9:25, 29)
We encourage affection with lots of hugs. It’s a common occurrence for my wife to be overwhelmed with 5 boys and a husband that all want to be close to her at the same time.
We strive by God’s grace to demonstrate gentleness with our children. It is never appropriate to violently correct or punish children out of anger.[^5]
We encourage gentleness in actions as well as in speech. (Proverbs 15:1) Because our tongue can be like a fire (James 3:6), we talk to our boys often about using their words as figurative firemen, not pyromaniacs.

Men without Chests

Our culture continues to foster confusion in young men by encouraging soft masculinity and condemning chivalry while also enabling violence and condoning promiscuity.

In his classic work, The Abolition of Man, C.S. Lewis observed,

“…the tragi-comedy of our situation — we continue to clamour for those very qualities we are rendering impossible. You can hardly open a periodical without coming across the statement that what our civilization needs is more ‘drive’, or dynamism, or self-sacrifice, or ‘creativity’. In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.”

I want to raise strong men, not weak boys. And yet, when Lewis mentions “men without chests,” he’s not referring to those who lack courage and bravery, but rather, those who lack virtue and heart. What we need is men of kindness and compassion. Our culture needs to return to a biblical understanding of gentle men. In order to accomplish that, we need fathers to step up and raise boys to be men.

Instead of the age-old adage, “Boys will be boys,” it should be, “Boys will be men, so let’s have men stop acting like boys and start training their boys to be men.” May God help us as growing fathers to exemplify the gentleness of Christ for our families and our churches by walking in the Spirit and committing ourselves to raise our boys to be gentle men.

[^1]: Meet the Man Leading the Charge on America's Boy Crisis [^2]: Gaming Alone: Helping the Generation of Young Men Captivated and Isolated by Video Games [^3]: Are Violent Video Games Training Kids to Think and Act Aggressively? [^4]: We want our boys to show sympathy to others but this doesn’t mean we run to our boys whenever they get a scratch. We train them to be tough by tender. [^5]: I do get angry when I witness bullying or violence to a younger sibling, but by God’s grace I try to send the offending child to a room or allow my wife to address the offense so I can calm myself.

Parenting For Life

Brandon Potvin — Wed, 10 May 2023 07:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

When I first found out I was going to be a father I was excited and anxious. I did not feel adequately prepared for such an enormous responsibility.

Thankfully, our church offered several resources to help parents. Before our first son was born we took the Preparation for Parenting class. This was not only a practical class on how to deal with infant's eating and sleep schedules but also helped establish a biblical parenting philosophy.

As our children grew, we continued to avail ourselves of opportunities at church and elsewhere (homeschool conferences, books and cassette tapes, yes, somehow we survived parenting our young children without the Internet) to soak in teaching related to parenting our children from infancy to adulthood.

Once my children reached adulthood I imagined my responsibility as a parent would be finished. There were no classes offered for parenting our adult children nor were we looking for any. It is not that I wanted to sever my relationship with my children, but I thought the hard work was over. What I have learned through experience (and am still learning) and observed in God’s Word is that parenting is a lifelong commitment with many challenges and blessings.

Is it really necessary to think about parenting adult children?

Maybe you are a parent of young children who require your constant attention. You can’t wait for the days when they can consume a meal, get dressed, and go to the bathroom without assistance. Even if dealing with adult children is not even on your radar there are still good reasons to consider preparing to parent your adult children.

First, it will likely be the longest phase of parenting you will have.

Most phases of parenting are relatively brief. A few years at most. Parenting adult children is likely to be the longest phase in our parenting. The average life expectancy for a male in the United States is 73.5 years[^1]. So, if you reach the average life span, you will have north of 50 years of interaction with your children after they become adults. Of course, the nature of our role as parents is vastly different from when they are living at home. Regardless, 50 years is a significant period of time which will likely provide many opportunities for involvement with your children.

Second, your life is bound up with your child no matter their age. How they conduct themselves in adulthood can bring great delight or disappointment to you.

The one who keeps the law is a son with understanding, but a companion of gluttons shames his father (Proverbs 28:7).

He who loves wisdom makes his father glad, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth (Proverbs 29:3).

These passages are not dealing with young children. They are old enough to be accountable for obedience to the law and choosing with whom they spend their time and money.

<Note> Note: See also (Proverbs 10:1, 15:20, 23:15, 23:24, 24:21). </Note>

Proverbs 22:6 teaches us that how we train a child has lifelong implications. Proverbs 3:1-2 indicates that remembering a father's teaching will generally yield long life and peace and Proverbs 23:26 exhorts fathers to mold their child’s heart and set an example to follow. If you want to enjoy your children when they are out of the home, make sure you are parenting effectively while they are in the home.

Perhaps you are struggling with a difficult teenager and instead of longing for the days when they will eat, get dressed and use the bathroom on their own, you can’t wait for the days when they will do everything on their own and spend their own money doing it. You may be tempted to check out and just endure the next couple of years until they move out. That is likely to have severe consequences for you and your child. The best path forward, even if you have difficult children at home, is to put in the work and invest the time now.

Another reason you should plan for parenting your adult children is that it is probably more difficult than you think. In Middle/High School a crisis may be a facial blemish, not being included in a particular peer group, failing a class or not getting accepted to the college of their choice. Those are not insignificant to your child and should be dealt with appropriately.

However, adult children may face job loss, marital struggles or divorce, miscarriages, addiction and so forth. What makes it even more difficult is that our opportunity to help in those situations is limited. Unlike when they are living at home, we have little control if any over the choices our adult children make and the circumstances they face.

What is my responsibility to my adult child?

The first result of searching "Parenting Adult Children" in Books on Amazon returns the title Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out by Jim Burns

I have not read the book. The author is apparently a Christian and the book received over 4 stars out of 5 on Amazon and Goodreads. I expect the title is intended to be hyperbolic and is more likely a call to use discretion when speaking to our adult children rather than an edict to withhold all our comments. If that is the intention I completely agree. However, keeping our mouths shut is not wise nor is it biblical.

It is true we should expect our relationship to change significantly. According to Genesis 2:24, A man is expected to leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. Leaving does not require a geographical change, nor does it mean there is no longer a close relationship between parents and children. The emphasis is on priority. The son is to make his wife his primary relationship.

During Israel's history, it appears to be the norm for multiple generations of families to remain together and those who were called to leave were the exception (Abraham). In the story of the prodigal son, the son dishonors his father by leaving in order to follow his own sinful desires.

In 1 Samuel 3:13 Eli is punished because he did not restrain his adult sons who were blaspheming God. This situation is unique since Eli's sons were priests, but the principle remains, Eli bore some responsibility for their behavior.

Deuteronomy 4:9 instructs parents to teach their children and their children's children the works of the Lord. You must be close enough, relationally (although geographically is good too) to share with your grandchildren what God has done in your life.

David suffered drastic consequences for his failure to address issues in the lives of Amnon and Absalom.

In the examples above fathers are expected to be a part of the lives of their grown children.

If your child is a Christian, it is also your responsibility as a fellow believer to rebuke and exhort other believers. (Hebrews 3:13) God has given you the unique privilege of pointing them lovingly to His truth, which will be the best help they can receive.

How can I parent my adult child?

Pray

The most important and effective way to help your adult children is to pray for them. I expect all Christians would agree prayer is important. However, it is easy to diminish the power and need for prayer when our children are under our immediate care. We are likely to overestimate how much influence we have on them and think it mostly depends on us. Once they are out of the house we come it becomes more apparent that God is the one who must change their hearts (Phil 2:13, Hebrews 13:20-21).

The truth is even when they are in the home, the power to influence them is God's grace at work in us (Colossians 1:28-29). We must not think of prayer as our last option when we have exhausted our resources. Prayer should be our primary means to see our children flourish.

Offer Support and Encouragement

Although it may be necessary to occasionally confront the sin of your adult child. If you confront sin, make sure it is really sin and not just your preference. Avoid unnecessarily provoking them. Seek opportunities to be involved in their lives when things are going well. You don’t have to wait for a crisis. Some will welcome your involvement, some may see it as meddling.

Every family dynamic is unique. For some, your adult children may be nearby and a regular part of your life. Maybe you work or go to church together. For others, you may have to be a little more creative. One way I was able to effectively connect with my sons and son-in-law was through a book study. I honestly was not sure how they would respond when I asked but they were all eager to participate. Two were local, two had to join via video conference. They each took it seriously and opened up about how God was working in their lives. They also shared things about their childhood I never knew.

Set Healthy Boundaries and Reasonable Expectations

College years can also be particularly challenging. Your child is an adult in many respects. They can vote, join the military, likely have their own car, a job and are now at least partly paying their own way. Yet, they may still live at home and are expected to follow household rules. They may struggle to submit to your authority in the home. It would be wise to consider in advance what your expectations are for an adult child living at home. What, if anything, should you charge for rent, what is their curfew, what are the guidelines for dating, for what household chores should they be responsible?

Consider how you will handle holidays and other family events. Don’t assume they will be home for Thanksgiving like they have always been. Communicate with your children about their plans for these events. Invite, don’t demand their participation.

Conclusion

Parenting is a lifelong commitment which undoubtedly has its share of ups and downs. When I was a young father I thought each stage of parenting would get progressively easier. What I think now is that each stage has its own joys and challenges, and for each one we desperately need God’s grace.

[^1]: CDC life expectancy

Pilgrims Progress for Kids

Chris Pennington — Wed, 03 May 2023 13:57:29 GMT

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The Pilgrim’s Progress has been a devotional staple since it was first published in 1768. Its author, John Bunyan, was an English non-conformist pastor who suffered many years in prison for continuing to preach without the government’s approval. During his imprisonment in Bedford, in fact, he wrote most of Pilgrim’s Progress.

The allegorical story traces the store of a young boy named Christian as he travels from the City of Destruction to the Celestial City. The allegory is not subtle, but this allows Bunyan to teach more openly throughout the story and provide detailed pastoral insight.

The story became an instant success, selling as many as 100,000 copies in the first fifteen years and quickly gaining recognition in nearly every Christian home in the 18th and 19th centuries.[^1]

Adapted for Kids

The Little Pilgrim’s Progress is a beautifully-illustrated version adapted for kids. My kids loved at least three things about this edition:

1. Adapted Characters

Joe Sutphin adapts Helen Taylor’s classic retelling of the story for children by turning all the characters into animals. Christian is a rabbit, but he interacts with moles, owls, bears, and more throughout his journey.

2. Beautiful Illustrations

The illustrations are extremely well-done and detailed. I often find my children flipping through the book because they love all the pictures. My kids will recount each section of the story on the pictures alone and benefit from the story even without me reading. Here’s a preview of the book so you can see the illustrations.

3. Applications to Life

Because the story is such a thinly-veiled allegory, the lessons are apparent and easy to grasp. When Christian faces the troubles of the Giant Despair in Doubting Castle, it’s transparent enough for my three-year-old to understand he has to fight fear, doubt, and sadness. These ready applications come up all throughout the day as we parent our kids.

Basic Details

If you’re interested in reading this with your kids, let me share a few details that may help you.

Reading Length: You can read a chapter in about 4–5 minutes if you take your time. We would read one chapter a day on average.
Book Length: The book is 320 pages and took us the better part of 6 months to read through together. It’s broken into two parts, Christian’s journey (the original Pilgrim’s Progress) and Christiana’s journey (Bunyan’s sequel).
Grade level: Our kids were 3–7 when we read this book, but somewhere between K5–6th grade would benefit from and enjoy it.

Other Thoughts

Bunyan is deeply pastoral in his writing, and this adaptation captures much of that spirit. If you’ve never read this classic, it will benefit you immensely as well.

While I occasionally substituted easier words or switched out Britishisms (e.g., “soon” for “presently”), the language mostly connected with my kids immediately.

The adaptation especially highlights The King and his goodness throughout the story and focuses on enjoying and delighting in him over merely experiencing his benefits. It led to fruitful conversations with my kids about the kindness and goodness of God in Christ towards us.

I trust you’ll pick up a copy and find it a great help!

[^1]: British Library overview

Making a Chore Chart for Kids

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 18 Apr 2023 00:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

<Note> Note: Don’t miss the sample chore list and schedule linked <a href="#bottom" className="underline">at the bottom of this article</a>. </Note>

“Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; But much increase comes by the strength of an ox.” – Proverbs 14:4

One of the best gifts you can give your children is a biblical work ethic.

Our Story

My wife Elise is currently pregnant with our fifth child. Our first four kids are ages 10, 7, 5, and 3. Pregnancies have been hard on Elise, which has caused her to take a big step back from her regular responsibilities. We knew this would be the case going into the pregnancy but still wanted another child.

During Elise’s first trimester, we discussed strategies for surviving the coming months. We had the idea to hire some additional cleaning help. However, one thing we had never done as a family was to create an exhaustive chore chart including all of the tasks that need to get done divided out into a regular routine.

Now there are two kinds of people in the world: the kind that reads the italicized sentence above and gets strangely excited and the kind that reads the same sentence and wants to be sick. I am the former, and my wife is the latter. 😊

Elise was not thrilled at the prospect of spending multiple romantic evenings asking each other questions like, “How often should we mop the laundry room floor?” (I don’t see the problem!), but she went along with it anyway. (I am so thankful for my wife!)

The result is that now, a couple of months after finishing that wonderful chore schedule project, 1) our home is consistently cleaner than it was before, 2) our children (especially the oldest two) have grown a lot in responsibility, 3) there is less pressure on me than there would otherwise have been, 4) our lives are less stressful, and 5) it is easier to do ministry.

Sounds like a miracle drug, right? But in reality, it’s just the application of sound biblical principles regarding hard work, child training, and organization.

Take these for example.

Biblical Principles for Chore Chart-making

“The way of the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns, But the way of the upright is a highway.” – Proverbs 15:19

Interpretation: God values hard work! And contrary to popular opinion, life is easier in the long run when you work hard.

“Let all things be done decently and in order.” – 1 Corinthians 14:40

Interpretation: Although this verse is specifically about order in the church, it applies to the order God wants us to bring to all areas of our lives. God values organization! As it relates to work, this means there is often truth to the adage, “Work smarter, not harder.”

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’ And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:1-4

Interpretation: God values authority, and parents are to train their children. Christian dad, your authority must always be exercised lovingly, but don’t be afraid to tell your kids what to do. They have a lot to learn, and you are to teach them! As it relates to chores, this means teaching your kids to work diligently and perform various tasks.

Back to Our Story

Before we hired more cleaning help, I wanted to get a better handle on a) how much there was to be done and b) how much we could handle by ourselves, even with less help from Elise. So we followed three basic steps.

Step 1: Create a master chore list.

Think through your house room-by-room and compile a list of all of the chores that need to be done, sorted by how frequently you want to do them. (For example, some chores should be done every day. Others, once a week or every other week. Then there are the “spring cleaning” type chores that you do once a year or every six months.) View our sample chore list below.

Step 2: Divide your master chore list into a chore schedule.

The important questions to answer at this point are “who” and “when”? For instance, in our home, we decided that Elise would make the bed and I would touch up the master bathroom every morning. (Please don’t ask how consistently we have done these chores. We’re far from perfect.)

We created a “morning” and “evening” list for each member of the family and threw all the weekly chores into a catch-all list that Elise assigns chores from throughout the week, checking them off until (theoretically) they all get accomplished.

Step 3: Teach your kids the new system.

Make sure not to steamroll your kids or become the slave driver. Explain, “We are instituting a new system to help keep the house cleaner and help you learn responsibility.” If necessary, start with fewer, easier chores and work up. And here’s the hard part: you have to follow up. As the old saying goes, “Always inspect what you expect.”

If you never check your children’s chores after they are done, here’s what will happen: they will probably do them wrong every time, the house won’t be cleaner, and your kids won’t be learning. So do the hard work and stick with it! Remember, this is training! It takes disciplined parents to train disciplined children.

Having said all of that, don’t be a perfectionist. Not every chore will get done every week. That’s okay! Is it better than it was before? Are the kids learning? We call that “progress.”

Finally, consider adding incentives to motivate your children. My wife is good at this. In January, we dusted off my old Super Nintendo and introduced our children to “video games.” They think it’s awesome. Their favorite is Donkey Kong. Elise will allow our kids to do extra chores off the list to “earn time” on the Nintendo. Sometimes she also pays them for more difficult chores (usually in $0.25 increments).

Your children should not expect payment for normal household responsibilities. But sometimes dangling that carrot can help give them the push that they need to learn a new job, work hard to prepare for guests coming over, or do a particularly unpleasant chore that is not on their normal list.

I know I said it earlier, but this process really has been revolutionary for our home. What we learned is that even with Elise on partial bedrest, we didn’t need cleaning help! In fact, we found ourselves embarking on more hospitality ventures than we had previously! I couldn’t believe it. Not only that, but I was less stressed, which flowed over into a happier home. All this was good for our children.

My wife warned me that there may be backlash against this post because there is a popular parenting philosophy these days that says children need to be free from responsibility and basically have unlimited time to play. I don’t follow the mom blogs, so I was unaware of this movement, but I have a problem with that philosophy.

Lamentations 3:27 says, “It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth.” The book of Lamentations records Jeremiah’s sorrow over the destruction of Jerusalem. However, the principle stated in this verse applies to other areas. It is not bad for children to work hard. In fact, it is healthy. How else will they learn responsibility?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that children should never get time to play. Please don’t picture our home as a Charles Dickens-style factory. We have lots of fun in our family! Our children have time for imaginative play, reading, artistic creativity, riding their bikes, making forts, taking trips to the zoo, and more. However, we still require them to do chores. And so should you.

Little House on the Prairie

I’d like to close with some historical perspective.

One of the fun activities I have done with our oldest two daughters this year is to listen to the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder together. We are currently one hour and sixteen minutes into The Long Winter.

One of the things that stands out to me from these stories is how hard those children worked! In one passage from By the Shores of Silver Lake, Laura says after a full day of riding horses with her cousin that she couldn’t remember the last time she got a whole day to herself, and she knew she wouldn’t have another day like that again for a long, long time.

And yet, despite all that work, Laura was happy! She had a loving, caring family, and she could appreciate how she was growing in responsibility. Apparently, the work ethic Laura learned as a child paid off because she grew up to write one of the most treasured children’s books series in American history. Can we give our children some of those same gifts?

<Note variant="info"> Attached is the sample <a href="/docs/master-chore-list.pdf" download className="underline">chore list</a> and <a href="/docs/chore-schedule.pdf" download className="underline">chore schedule</a> that Elise and I developed. I pray that it helps spark ideas that will work for your family. Happy cleaning! 😊 </Note>

Breaking Down Fights

John Pate — Tue, 11 Apr 2023 06:16:07 GMT

Your kids won’t stop fighting.

You long for quiet, but the soundtrack coming from the kids’ room is playing the “fight theme” on repeat. The five-year-old hates the game the 7-year-old is trying to play and starts screaming. Wherever the toddler goes, chaos ensues. And it’s your job to break it up! Breaking up fights often becomes a key part of a parent’s job description.

As kids get older, it doesn’t always improve. With the emotional turmoil of the teenage years, fights can seriously escalate! When your daughter hauls off and slaps her brother, you might begin to wonder if your family needs an intervention.

A Better Solution

Perhaps, instead of always “breaking up” fights, we should take a moment to “break down” fights, asking the crucial question, “Where is all this coming from?” And even more importantly, “How can I help my children learn how to navigate their fights with each other?”

James 4:1–10 provides us with an excellent rubric for “breaking down” fights. Because my children are small (and love drawing), I have tried to work through this by drawing illustrations on paper. Honestly, that is probably the best approach for teens and adults too. Here’s how it goes.

James begins by asking the question, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?” (v. 1) That’s the question, right? Surprisingly, James tells us that a fight between two people is actually an indication that there are three fights occurring. We’ll call these “battle 1,” “battle 2,” and “battle 3.”

Battle 1

The first battle is the presenting battle, the one that filled the house with soul-jolting screams and brought you running from the other room. In order to “break down” this fight effectively, it’s important to make sure the facts are straight in this battle. Who took what? How did the offended party respond? We’re not getting at motives here—just the facts.

At this point, I might draw two stick figures representing my two kids and draw angry faces on them—maybe a lightning bolt between them for good measure.

(Side note: I don’t know if your kids are anything like mine, but at this point, my kids will tell me to “PAUSE!” and run to the craft closet to pull out some 8 ½ by 11s and begin to meticulously copy what I’m doing. I really don’t know why my kids do that, but it does help them remember.)

Battle 2

Battle 1 is just the “surface battle.” James goes on to describe a second battle that is taking place on the inside. “What causes quarrels?” he asks. “Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel” (vv. 1–2).

The surface battle which presented in yelling, hitting, biting, etc. is actually being fueled by a battle on the inside. Your children want something they are not getting. And they want it so badly they will sin in order to get it—or they will sin if they don’t get it.

The Bible calls this thing an idol. You know something is an idol if its absence or removal from your life causes you to sin. What makes people commit murder? It’s typically because they want something so badly they would “kill to have it.” Or they had something they considered necessary removed from them, so they kill to try to make it right. It’s the same with fighting and quarreling.

At this point, draw a couple hearts next to your stick figures and a lightning bolt inside of each one. Then ask each child, “What did you want when you were fighting?” It might take some prodding, but try to get them to identify the thing they wanted. It could be something as simple and concrete as a toy, or it might be something a little less concrete like “I wanted quiet” or “They were ignoring me.”

Battle 3

But James doesn’t stop there, because these two battles are indicative of yet a third battle. And this battle is even more important. In verse 4 he directs our attention to our relationship with God and shows how, at the very moment we are idolizing something other than him, we are actually committing spiritual adultery! “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God” (v. 4).

So when your children fight, there is actually something going on between them and God. At this point write the word “GOD” at the top of the page and draw lightning bolts between the stick figures and “GOD.”

You do what you do because you want what you want. And you want what you want because you worship what you worship. So, at the end of the day, a regular old household fight is actually an indication that false worship is going on. No wonder James calls it adultery! God loves your children too much to let them forsake Him so easily. (See verse 5.)

It might be good to ask your kids what they were thinking about God when they were fighting. Were they thinking about Him at all? Who was the most important person in their life at that moment?

Restoration

All of this is merely diagnostic. When it’s all said and done, we need to help guide our children in repentance toward God and restoration with each other. And of course, that’s exactly where James goes next!

If your children have felt the weight of what they’ve done, James’s next words will be a great encouragement to them: “But he gives more grace” (v. 6). Yes, God is displeased when we forsake Him, but He offers His grace! So how can your children accept His grace? James spells it out in verses 7–10.

“Submit to God”—What does God think and how can I obey?
“Resist the devil”—What lie did I believe?
“Draw near to God”—How can I approach His throne?
“Cleanse your hands…and purify your hearts”—What sin should I confess?
“Be wretched and mourn and weep: What steps can I take to turn from that sin?
“Humble yourselves”—How can I humbly accept His grace?

What does God promise to those who accept His grace? “He will exalt you!” (v. 10) Only God can do this! Only God can make our homes a place where every member of the family is walking closely with the Lord and experiencing His grace. Though fights may still happen, James’s rubric can help us guide our family from a place of turmoil to a place of grace.

Dads, Build a Bird Feeder

Rand Hummel — Wed, 05 Apr 2023 21:51:50 GMT

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26)

Build a bird feeder. Join a bird-watchers club! Enjoy observing these little winged creatures with your children, and point them to the truths Jesus pointed his disciples to so many years ago. Study closely the eagerness of the little yellow finches, the boldness of the cardinals, the crankiness of the blue jays, and the humility of the mourning-doves. (Watch your cat watch the birds!!!)

Here in Matthew 6:25-34 our Lord is addressing the stress of anxiety, fear, and worry. There is so much we could meditate on in these verses, but I want to park on verse 26. He illustrates our propensity to worry with a common, every-day happening in most of our lives—eating and drinking. He reminds us in the previous verse (6:25) not to worry about what we will eat or drink—how we’ll be provided for. Simple illustrations reinforce important truths, especially in children. Spend a day watching birds and you will be reminded of God’s comforting protection and constant provision. Really, don’t stress! God will provide. God will protect.

Look at the birds of the air!

I think God is a bird watcher. For centuries, the sky above Palestine has been a haven for all kinds of birds. Moses must have spent some time watching birds as can be assumed in his list of twenty of them in Leviticus 11:13-19—the eagle, vulture, osprey, kite, falcon, raven, ostrich, nighthawk, sea gull, hawk, owl, cormorant, ibis, water hen, pelican, vulture, stork, heron, hoopoe, and bat. David talks about a sparrow and the swallow in Psalm 84:3. Even the barnyard birds are not neglected. Remember the beautiful passage about the hen and her chicks (Matthew 23:37), the rooster in Peter’s denial (Matthew 26:34), and the dove in the baptism of Jesus (Matthew 3:16)? If God so notices the birds, do you really think that you, as His child, can go unnoticed?

They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns.

Imagine an eagle driving a John Deere tractor or a couple of old owls and white doves baling hay! Now, this is not to say that they are lazy—birds are forever flitting about looking for food, finding just the right materials for their nests, protecting their eggs, and feeding their young. God’s protection and provision in the bird world actually began when He created each winged and feathered creature.

Your heavenly Father feeds them.

God cares and provides for his creatures. In fact, he provides much more than food for them! Did you know that the ostrich can run 31 mph and has legs so powerful they can kick and kill animals the size of lions? Did you know that the hummingbirds are the tiniest of birds, can hear and see better than humans, and are so smart they can remember every flower they’ve been to and how long it will take for its nectar to refill? Their hearts beat 1260 times a minute, they average flying 25-30 miles a day, and can fly both frontwards and backwards.

Did you know that Jesus noticed the sparrows? Did you know that the sparrow is considered one of the most annoying and aggravating birds in existence? Sparrows eat everything in sight, plug gutter pipes, multiply quickly, gather in flocks of thousands, and take over areas from other birds. And yet Jesus cares for them.

Are you not of more value than they?

Did you know that Jesus Himself reminds us that we are more valuable than a pesky, seemingly worthless little sparrow? He said it this way in Matt. 10:29-31: “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Note: Luke 12:6-7 offers a better deal—5 sparrows for 2 copper coins!)

God has given us the ability and the knowledge to grow and gather food. The birds cannot take things into their own hands (they don’t have hands) so they must trust or die. We must trust and work with the abilities that God has given us. God can and will work miracles through our feeble efforts. A widow woman made cakes for Elijah, and God kept the almost empty pots full. A little boy’s mother prepared a lunch of five loaves and two fish, and God fed thousands with that lunch. Servants filled water pots with water, and God turned the water into wine. We are to do what God has enabled us to do ... then watch God do what only He can do.

He cares for them. He doesn’t ignore their needs; in fact, he brings glory to himself through meeting those needs. Are you not of more value than they? Is his care for you not infinitely more?

Conclusion

So, build a bird feeder. Go bird watching with your children. Point out Christ’s parallel to them. Watch how God protects and provides for each little creature. Thank God for His protection and provision in the life of your family. If you do, both your stress and the seemingly little anxieties of your children might just take on wings and fly away—just like a little bird.

Resource Review Family Worship Series

Chris Lynch — Wed, 29 Mar 2023 12:51:44 GMT

For families who want to grow together in both their likeness to Christ and the knowledge of his truth, time in God’s Word is essential. Our children need to be direct to the Word of God within their home, not just at church. Fathers bear the ultimate responsibility to ensure this happens (Eph. 6:4)! But this important habit of family life isn’t easy to make a reality.

The challenging search for effective tools

If you are like me, it’s hard to be consistent in leading your family in daily Bible study and family worship. Life is busy, and we need all the help we can get. I’m thankful for the regular prodding of the Holy Spirit to continue to be faithful in exposing my kids to the Word in our home, but knowing what tool to use and what is effective is a challenge!

It's not for lack of options! One brief online search produces a plethora of studies and guides. While a large pool of potential resources is a good problem to have, selecting a resource can be overwhelming. Matching resources to the age of our kids isn’t always straightforward. Weeding through reviews can be time consuming (if reliable reviews are available at all). The means to properly vet source organizations and publishers can prove to be elusive.

Recommendations from trusted friends and leaders are great places to start. That’s how I came across the resource I’m advocating here. A missionary friend of mine expressed gratefulness for this series as he used it with his own children. I had been praying for direction on what to begin with my own children and was thrilled to find it! Since getting our hands on a copy, it has proven to be an outstanding fit for my family.

Before being introduced to the Family Worship Series, I was not familiar with Bible Visuals International. BVI has its roots in Child Evangelism Fellowship (the organization that oversees hundreds of Good News Clubs in elementary schools all around the country) and was founded in 1959.

Over the decades BVI has developed an extensive collection of visual aids for Bible teaching to children. A brief perusal of their website reveals dozens of tools in various forms, and I do not have personal experience with most of those resources.

I do, however, readily direct you to their Family Worship Series. Since this is a relatively new resource, only two studies have been completed: one on the Book of Mark and one on Philippians. My family purchased Mark’s Gospel: Being Jesus’ Disciple, which is a collection of 47 individual lessons that guide your family through the entire book verse by verse. Philippians: Have This Mind provides 26 more lessons in a similar format. I have found the format of these studies to be a perfect fit for my elementary age children (ages 10 and 8).

Daily variety and structure

Each lesson covers a two-page spread. The first panel features a full-page illustration that accompanies the passage. These illustrations are well done and captivate the younger children while the passage is read. The second panel features the content of the lesson itself, which is organized into 4 sections:

Read: The guide presents the section of Mark that your family will be studying that day. I have two budding readers in my household, so I often ask them to read the passage, which varies in length from a few verses to larger chunks.
Talk: The guide then presents a collection of talking points about the passage, guiding your family through the entire passage in a discussion-based format (see below).
Pray: The guide provides a written prayer that reinforces the truths of the passage in timeless and applicational language while also directing your family to ask for God’s grace to apply. Often, instead of praying the prayer as written, I rephrase the prayer text as further instruction and then lead in prayer in my own words afterwards.
Sing: This is a great feature! At the conclusion of each lesson your family is directed to pages in the back of the book, where songs are printed that reinforce the truths in each lesson. The songs are presented in hymnal form, and most are well-known hymns in the public domain. In some lessons, other modern hymns that your family may know are suggested in addition to the printed hymns. Chords are included for guitar accompaniment. A QR code printed in the guide will direct you to further online options to enhance your family singing time.

Many lessons provide an additional section called “Extra Time”, suggesting ideas for additional exercises or passages for further study. The entire process each day takes about 20 minutes for my family (not including the “Extra Time” exercises) and is time well spent.

A discussion-centered approach

Many children’s study guides are structured around a passage of Scripture to read and a brief section of text for the parent or teacher to read while the children listen. While this can certainly be effective, engaging the children in discussion on the passage can enable more involvement and retention.

Each lesson in the Family Worship Series centers on interactive study between parent or teacher and child. In the “Talk” section mentioned above, the lesson guides the parents through that day’s passage, both with statements of teaching and open-ended questions to ask to get kids to think and respond.

For example, we recently worked through the lesson on Mark 4:35-41, where Jesus calms a storm on the Sea of Galilee. While it is obvious why the disciples were afraid of the storm, verse 41 tells us that they were filled with great fear after Jesus had calmed the storm too. The study guide directed me to ask my children why they were still afraid and how that fear was different from before. This opened up a brief discussion about a proper reverent fear of God—particularly of God the Son, who is powerful enough to calm a raging sea!

The features and approach presented in these studies have been a blessing to our family. From a parent’s perspective, I’ve even found myself creatively expanding on the discussion because it gets me thinking too! The “Extra Time” feature has motivated me to find even more creative ways to expand the truths they are learning. For the younger kids, coloring pages can be purchased separately to accompany both the Mark and the Philippians studies.

I am so thankful to have found this resource; the only downside is that the series only consists of two studies for now. I intend to contact them and encourage the production of more studies in this series; I hope you’ll join me in doing so! Either way, these two studies will provide your family with several months’ worth of worthwhile study of the Word together.

How the Gospel Defeats Worry

Chris Pennington — Tue, 21 Mar 2023 00:00:00 GMT

Worry is paralyzing. It crushes hope, reduces sleep, stirs up our passions, and leaves us worse than it found us.

While everyone responds to worry in their own way, worry is a common struggle for us all. Some of us become angry. Others resort to quick sensual pleasures. Others fall into discouragement, workaholism, or restlessness.

The external causes of worry also vary from person to person, but the root is often the same: control. We either lack control or feel too much burden for our decisions (assuming we have more control than we do).

What does the gospel say to these worries?

God is at the Center

As kids, we used to play a trampoline game called “Popcorn.” It involved one person jumping around trying to “pop” the others who were curled up and rolling around. You learn very quickly that gravity pulls everyone towards the jumper! Half the time, the jumper landed on top of you as you rolled towards them.

The center of your world defines and pulls everything. If mankind is at the center, then the problems that matter most are problems that threaten and harm people. But the Bible declares a different sort of world altogether.

The Bible unashamedly puts God at the very center of all existence. Reality starts with the phrase “in the beginning, God…” (Gen 1:1). His gravity bends creation to His will as the only Unique One (Isa 46:9). According to the Bible, the chief problems in the universe are not man-problems, but God-problems. God deserves all worship, glory, and praise (Rev 4:11), and that problem is the central concern of all existence.

We could say it like this: God is God-centered. Even when the Bible declares God’s salvation in the gospel, it’s God’s glory that is at the center.[^1]

Help us, O God of our salvation,

for the glory of your name;

deliver us, and atone for our sins,

for your name’s sake! (Psalm 79:9).

What does this have to do with worry? Worry inherently proclaims that we are at the center. And so to face worry, we must also face the unending temptation to put ourselves, our pains, and our sufferings in the center.

Counter-intuitively, placing God at the center doesn’t pass over your problems; it gives meaning to them. God, afterall, is the solution to every worry.

The Worst is Behind You

The biggest problem you’ve ever faced is the impending, deserved wrath of the Eternal God. You were born a sinner (Ps 51:5) and proved it by sinning against Him over and over again (Rom 3:23).

While the wrath was on its way (Jn 3:18), Christ died in our place (Rom 5:8) and gave us His eternal righteousness (Phil 3:9; 2 Cor 5:21).

Facing the righteous, burning fury of the Eternal God is the worst you’ve ever faced (Isa 30:27–28; 2 Pet 3:10). How does gospel logic apply this truth? Listen to Romans 8:31–32:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

Paul argues from the worst we’ve ever faced (God’s wrath) to our current trouble. If God met us at our lowest, will he abandon us now? No, never! (cf. Ps 116:8–9)

The Best is Yet to Come

Life is hard and challenges are real. The gospel doesn’t call us to skip through our trials with plastic smiles. The gospel instead provides context, support, and rest.

Worry always includes meditation. It is the process of thinking through possible scenarios. As an antidote, the gospel also encourages meditation, but gospel meditation is the process of thinking through certain scenarios, thinking through what has been and what will be.

No matter your current trouble—financial, relational, spiritual, or otherwise—the gospel bids you to meditate on the coming salvation of the Lord and work backwards to your current position. It draws you like a magnet to truths outside of you and your circumstances and then calms your “today” with eternity’s realities. It draws your gaze upwards and forwards.

The gospel leads you by the hand to echo the words of the Prophet Habakkuk:

Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation (Hab 3:17–18).

Conclusion

How can you apply the gospel’s logic to your role as dad?

Many of us struggle regularly with worry. Those worries drive large sections of our days and take large sections of our nights. Become an expert at meditating on the gospel more than you meditate on possible outcomes. Learn to preach the gospel to yourself until your mind starts to wander to the gospel at work.

Many of our wives fight worry. Worries over sick children, conflicts at work, financial leanness, and more can so often dominate their thoughts, speech, and actions. Fear will cripple your wife and ignoring it or lecturing her about it doesn’t help. What does she need? She needs a husband who knows how to apply the gospel to life personally so much so that it changes his thoughts, speech, and actions towards his wife.

Our kids face constant worries. What if people laugh at my new haircut? What if my friends abandon me? What if we move again? Classic dad answers like “who cares what people think!?!” will drive your children from you and from God. Your kids need to have the gospel prayed over them and meditated on before them. In short, they need a bigger view of God available only in the gospel.

May we lead our families in this gospel logic to the glory of the Eternal God!

[^1]: Or like John Piper famously wrote, “Missions exists because worship doesn’t”

Gospel Grace for Desperate Dads

Cameron Pollock — Tue, 14 Mar 2023 00:00:00 GMT

The life of a dad can be quite testing at times. It didn't take long before I realized the amount of dedication and self-sacrifice necessary to “parent well” was far beyond anything I possessed in myself. And I say this not to seem self-effacing, but in genuine honesty.

Besides obvious temptations like lust, dads are plagued by thousands of subtler idols like gluttony, withdrawal, time-consuming hobbies, blame-shifting, passivity in leadership, an entitlement mentality, and careless speech that tears down those we love most. If we ever want to escape our responsibilities, we have plenty of distractions available just a swipe away on our phones.

Add to those temptations the pressures of work and lack of sleep, and it just seems that much easier to make excuses. It's enough to make us cry out with Paul, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death” (Romans 7:24)?

God Owns You

I would like to share one simple truth God has been working into my heart recently to help me in this constant battle. If you have trusted in Jesus Christ as your Savior, God owns you. He owns me. When the baby cries at night for the fifth time, or you are gifted a blowout diaper just before you run out the door for a social function, or no one is listening during family devotions, or your only free moments of the day are taken with fixing a clogged toilet, you are God's. Your calling in that moment is to serve his sovereign purposes for your life, no matter how menial or frustrating.

Though it makes sense that God owns you, I hope you still feel a bit of angst in your soul. In the tough moments of parenting, the bare fact that God owns you might not get you very far. What we must do is always empowered by what God has done. If we dig deeper into this truth, we discover God not only made us—he also bought us. God purchased your soul at the cost of his own Son's blood. As Creator and Savior he claims a double right to your soul.

Setting Your Hope on Christ

Notice this gospel-centered flow in 1 Peter 1:13-19. First, Peter tells us to set our hope on his grace in Jesus Christ.

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Next, he tells us what we must do.

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile,

But don’t miss this. He anchors what we must do in what God has done for us in Jesus Christ. This is how we set our hope fully on the grace of Jesus Christ as he said in verse 13.

knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.

The Jews were saved from their inability to keep the law, bought out of their own failures. In the same way, we have been purchased out of our own inability to keep God’s law. What was the cost? The precious blood of Jesus Christ. Since God paid the infinite price for me, he lays total claim to my life.

Grace that Motivates

This truth provides gospel grace for desperate dads. It was this truth that motivated Hudson Taylor to serve Christ in China his entire life. Likewise, the great American theologian Jonathan Edwards wrote early in his life:

I have been before God, and have given myself, all that I am and have, to God; so that I am not, in any respect, my own. I can challenge no right in this understanding, this will, these affections, which are in me. Neither have I any right to this body, or any of its members--no right to this tongue, these hands, these feet; no right to these senses, these eyes, these ears, this smell, or this taste. I have given myself clear away, and have not retained anything as my own... This, I have done; and I pray God, for the sake of Christ, to look upon it as a self-dedication, and to receive me now as entirely his own, and to deal with me, in all respects, as such, whether he afflicts me or prospers me, or whatever he pleases to do with me, who am his.[^1]

Just as I was writing this post, I came across these moving lyrics to a new song by Skye Peterson, I Am Not My Own.

Verse 1

The One who made the heavens made my heart and soul

Before I drew a breath, I was loved and known

I am His creation, the Maker's masterpiece

And all that He designs will be done in me

Then, in vs. 2:

My body is a temple of the living God

I'll worship in this house that His blood has bought

As I bear His image, O may I not profane

The holiness I hold in this earthly frame

The chorus clenches it:

I belong to the Lord, oh I am not my own

I belong to the Lord, I am not my own

I will honor Him for this I know

I belong to the Lord, I am not my own

Conclusion

Surely this truth can help us be the dads we need to be before God. The temptation for living sacrifices is to crawl off the altar. We will never attain perfection in this life, but gospel grace is what motivates us to get back on the altar and stay there.

Christ’s sacrifice is the only force powerful enough to overcome the thousands of trivial vices that tempt us to waste our fatherhood. When the gospel does change us, may this response be ready on our lips: "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 7:25a)!

[^1]: As quoted in City on a Hill: Reclaiming the Biblical Pattern for the Church in the 21st Century, Phillip Graham Ryken, Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2003. Pg.114

Accepting God Given Limitations

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 07 Mar 2023 21:34:50 GMT

A few months ago, I reached what felt like a stress level breaking point. My main stressors were what Jim Berg refers to in his “Quieting a Noisy Soul” seminar as “positions and possessions”—responsibilities at work and at home.

While I was digging up my irrigation system one Friday (Friday is my day off), I thought to myself, “Something has to change. After all, Paul told people to follow him the way he followed Christ (1 Cor 11:1; Philip 3:17). But I would not wish my current mode of operation on anyone right now! This cannot be how God intends me to live.”

My first step was not very spiritual. I downloaded an audiobook on minimalism. Previously, I had been aware of minimalism but had pushed it away, partly because it seemed faddish to me and partly because I didn’t see the need. Well, now I saw the need. I tried to download Marie Kondo’s book, but it was unavailable at my library; so I downloaded The Minimalist Home, by Joshua Becker instead.[^1] I’m so glad that I did.

Becker’s book helped change my thinking from a practical/philosophical perspective. One thing that especially stood out to me was how minimizing your stuff can create space in your life for what really matters––the people. I was also struck by the need to cultivate a home that makes resting easy so that you can launch back out the next day to fulfill your life’s calling.[^2] More than anything, the book gave me the push that I needed to throw stuff away.

I began applying minimalist thinking to other areas of my life, as well––like my schedule. However, I still had frustrations. At the beginning of December, I was scheduled to take some teens to Ironwood Christian Camp in southern California. I prayed specifically that God would use this retreat to answer some of my questions.

The main speaker at the retreat was a friend of mine, Ron Perry. On Thursday night, Ron began with the words, “I had something different planned for tonight, but God laid this on my heart.” He took us to 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 and preached a simple, straightforward sermon on accepting God-given limitations. It was wonderful. The Spirit was clearly at work in many of the teens. As for me, I took Ron’s last-minute change of direction as a specific answer to prayer.

Take a moment to read the passage Ron preached from.

“And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. (8) Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. (9) And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (10) Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Ron pointed out that Paul’s entire life was ministry. He probably thought to himself, “If only this thorn were taken away, I’d be so much more effective.” However, God’s response in v. 9 transformed Paul’s perspective. Paul learned to view his thorn as a blessing because it kept him humble, positioned to receive God’s grace. He even went so far as to be glad about, “boast in,” and “take pleasure in” his infirmities! Talk about a change of heart!

Ron compared Paul’s thorn in the flesh to the God-given limitations in our own lives. These limitations take many forms. There are health limitations, financial limitations, time limitations, energy limitations, talent limitations, family limitations, house limitations, job limitations, and the list goes on and on. We each have a different set of limitations, but all of us have them. We can try to muscle through our limitations in pride, but humility accepts those limitations as good gifts from God.

This was the theological answer I was looking for! What I had called “minimalism” was simply a humble response to the God-given limitations in my life (even space limitations!).

I can’t say my life is stress-free now, nor will it ever be. My wife has had some complications with her pregnancy, and that has added difficulty to our lives. However, my attitude is different. We have thrown away a lot of items and taken some trips to Savers (though you would never know it by looking at all our stuff). I am quicker to say “no” to calendar items and more sensitive to my need for rest.

Instead of trying to entertain my kids every evening (that’s a lot of pressure!), I have gone to “winding down” with them instead. We may listen to an audio book together while doing dishes, play “Donkey Kong” on Super NES (yes, we still have one of those), or watch an educational video together on YouTube. The pressure is off to be “super dad” at home, and I’m quicker to say “good enough” at work. It’s a wonderful feeling.

Ironically, this new perspective has not created less ministry, but more. I have found that my kids need a stress-free dad more than they need extracurricular activities. Also, when I was “focused” all day at work (with furrowed brow and everything), I tended to push away people.

Don’t get me wrong, I still need to be focused a lot of the time. (I am by no means promoting laziness!) However, now, I try to take little breaks now and then to go down to the break room and grab a snack or perhaps take a walk and get some fresh air. I have made these changes in light of my God-given energy and productivity limitations. The funny thing is, there are times when my best ministry all day comes on these breaks, as I notice people, ask how they are doing, and allow God to use me.

After years of self-examination, I have stopped asking the question, “What is the root of this problem” and replaced it with another question: “How is this problem related to pride?” As usual in my life, pride was the problem all along. It was pride that made me think, “I can do more and have bigger and better things for my family all at the same time.” But God isn’t lying when He says, “God resist the pride, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6; 1 Pet 5:5).

Perhaps you are like me, and pride is causing you to chafe at your limitations. Won’t you recognize that those limitations come from God and that they are meant to keep you humble? Accept them humbly and watch God give you joy.

[^1]: Minimalist Home Room Decluttered book [^2]: It’s different for those moms who are home all day, I realize. However, the need for rest still remains.

Grieving After a Miscarriage

Zach Sparkman — Tue, 28 Feb 2023 00:00:00 GMT

June 2021 was an exciting time for our family: our family of five was going to be a family of six! Our three boys, ages 5, 3 and 1, squealed with joy when we told them they were going to have another sibling. God had answered our prayer about having another baby.

The pregnancy progressed just fine, until it wasn’t. In the middle of week 10, my wife said, “I don’t feel sick. Maybe the nausea finished earlier this time.” But that explanation didn’t satisfy either of us. At the 12-week checkup, our fears were confirmed: the baby had no heartbeat. We had miscarried.

For several months we grieved and processed. We prayed about having another baby, and we read that the faster you conceive again, the more viable the pregnancy will be. The Lord blessed us 3 months later with another positive pregnancy test! New fears gripped our hearts with each passing week. And those fears grew stronger when this baby lasted 6 weeks before we miscarried again.

Perhaps you can relate. You’ve experienced the joy of a positive pregnancy test, the fears that come when something isn’t right, and the repercussions of losing a child.

If you’ve had a miscarriage, you have felt the strange mixture of emotions and obligations: grief over the loss of a child, caring for your wife (who will take the loss much harder), talking with your kids about why mommy doesn’t have a baby now, and answering questions from well-meaning people. You may even have a tinge of guilt because you don’t feel the loss as acutely as your wife and you can move on faster. You wonder if you’ll be able to have more children or any children at all.

What do you do? I encourage you to think about four principles that will help you as a man, a husband and a father grieve after a miscarriage.

1. Lean into the character of God

There is hope to be found in the Lord. The character of God healed and encouraged me more than anything else. The brokenness of life drove me to cry out to God, and He never failed me.

For several months I read through the psalms and built a journal of God’s character. I found comfort in who God is and what God does, and gleaned strength from running to God over and over.

Psalm 31 ministered to me in a special way with phrases like these: “You are my rock and my fortress”, “You have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul”, “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress”, and “Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you”.

My friend, though you are hurting, take refuge in the Lord and find hope in Him.

2. Serve your wife in the way that best meets her needs

Your dear wife carried the child, felt the pains in her body, and faces hormonal changes. As a loving husband, you hurt for her and want to help her heal.

Know your wife. Serve her by helping her grieve the way she prefers. My wife preferred to be alone for a time; a dear friend of ours wanted to spend time with close friends. Defer to her wishes and do your best to pick up the slack at home. If you can, handle some of the household tasks like laundry and cooking. If you have other children, give your wife some alone time or time out by herself if that will help.

As hard as this will be, just let her grieve. Prayer and a soft shoulder is your ministry. Lectures and theological talks probably won’t help—she just needs your support. I learned the ministry of presence by being with her, sitting near her, crying with her, and empathizing with, “I’m so sorry” and “I love you; we’ll make it through.”

At some point, it will be helpful to talk through the experience to give you both a chance to process. Tears and talk heal, but only if you’ve been supportive and not insensitive. Fresh wounds can turn bitter if left to fester. Ask the Lord for wisdom to know when the right time is to talk, and if she isn’t ready then don’t push it.

One other thing—remember the baby’s due date. Though she may not say something, she knows what day it is. A friend of mine said he didn’t want to bring up the memory, but at the end of the day his wife said, “Honey, you didn’t even mention the baby’s due date.” A simple note acknowledging the day or a brief whisper while hugging can communicate everything you need.

3. Reach out for prayer and encouragement

You are not alone. One thing that surprised me about miscarriage is the amount of people who have had one. Many people suffer alone because they don’t know how to bring up this topic or feel uncomfortable even discussing it.

Personally, I found both sympathy and comfort from several people when I simply told them what happened and asked them to pray. You have people who want to support you if they knew. Confide in a mentor or a close friend; one or two people may be all you need, but the support you gain is worth the awkwardness of sharing.

If someone comes to you and shares something like this, listen to them. Be slow to say, “I know what you are going through,” even if you have walked through that experience. A listening ear and a commitment to pray and check back in later will encourage your friend. If they ask for counsel, give them hope from the Word of God.

4. Shepherd your family at an appropriate level

Finally, if you have other children, you have an opportunity to shepherd them. This is one way you can teach them not only about the effects of sin and the fall, but also about God’s redemption plan and his promise to make all things new. Their ages will determine the depth of conversation, but don’t miss this opportunity to feed their little hearts with gospel hope.

Like the opening scenes of the 2009 movie Up, the joy of marriage and youth can be quickly destroyed by the loss of a child. Yet in your family’s grief, God is with you. He will pour hope and comfort into broken hearts. He sees the distress of your soul. Make Psalm 62:8 an anchor for your family: “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”

Resource: Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur

Dads Need to Ask Forgiveness

Joe Fant — Tue, 21 Feb 2023 00:00:00 GMT

If you are a father, you probably know this situation well. You have had a long and hard day at work, so your nerves are on edge from the moment you drive into the garage. As you open the door to the house, the commotion of shrieks and squeals from the kids immediately assault your ears. Time has yet to reveal whether these are sounds of joy or fighting.

You are trying to be kind. You’re trying to be patient. Then one of your children’s questions hits the wrong nerve, and you lose your temper. You angrily ask your child to, “At least wait until I set my briefcase down!” Or perhaps, “We have been over this a thousand times!”

The words are no sooner out of your mouth than you see big eyes welling up with tears. It hits you like a ton of bricks…I did it again.

Responding to Failure

How will you respond to your failure? Will you just walk away, pretending nothing happened? Will you try to excuse your sin by telling your family, “It’s just been a hard day.”

Or will you say the all important phrase, “Daddy needs to ask your forgiveness.”

Fathers, listen carefully: all dads need to ask forgiveness from their kids when they sin against them. This isn’t because your family is confused as to whether or not you are actually guilty. Your wife knows you sinned. Your kids know you sinned. They want to know that you know you sinned.

An Encouragement in Failure

Let me encourage you, in that moment of failure, kneel down, look your child in the eye, and admit you need forgiveness. Something like this would be a good place to start:

Daddy sinned.
Daddy sinned by [specific words and actions].
I want you to know that even though Daddy struggles in this area, God will never treat you this way.
Daddy needs Jesus’ grace for everything in life, just like you do.
Will you please forgive me for [this specific sin]? I want to be more like God!
Will you pray that God will help me see victory in this area in the future? (perhaps for older children or teens)

Fathers, when you humble yourself in this way, you reveal to your family that you are seeking to be more like Christ. When you respond to your sin in this manner, you are setting a pattern for your entire family for how they should respond when they sin.

Planning for Future Victory

One question still needs to be answered. How do I set myself up for victory in this area for the future?

Pray on your way home from work that you will exemplify the character of God to your children.
Do not get out of your car until you have died to yourself and your selfish ambitions for the evening have been sacrificed on the altar of service.
Enter into your house ready to love and ready to serve.

May God give us the grace to be humble fathers who point our families to Christ.

Journaling for Dads

Scott Schulman — Tue, 07 Feb 2023 21:41:01 GMT

Back in 1998, one of my favorite Christmas gifts (other than The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and the LEGO Sonic Stinger from the Insectoids line) was a notebook and a bunch of gel pens. I’ve always enjoyed writing down my thoughts on paper. I also love to doodle, though I don’t do that much at all anymore. I remember the small spiral bound notebook I got. It had a picture of a $100 bill on the front. I don’t know why my parents thought that would be what I liked, but there you go. The cover didn’t matter, nor did the quality of the paper. What mattered was what I put in there.

I would journal daily as a kid. I would miss a day here and there, but most often, I wouldn’t forget. I remember at one point drawing one picture and then writing what happened that day, every day. I was really big into Pokémon back then, and I specifically remember drawing some of them. They didn’t look great. Spoiler alert: I did not turn out to be an artist. But I still loved drawing and penning my thoughts on the day. I would get it out every once in a while and read what I had written in the past. I always enjoyed doing that.

Then, like most children, I made a stupid mistake. During one of the times I was cleaning up my room or maybe when we moved from Minnesota to Colorado, I threw out my journals (I had acquired at least three by this time). I won’t be able to read those again, and the worst part is that I can’t show my horrible drawings to my kids to make them laugh. Now, I did get another journal when I was in junior high, and I do still have that. But my kids aren’t seeing that one until I’m dead.

Over the years, I have journaled off and on. When I have done it, I’ve loved it. It’s been helpful to get my thoughts onto paper. When I haven’t done it, I have found that I wander more in my life. I don’t live with as much purpose or as much drive. Journaling helps me to focus on what's most important: my relationship with God, my wife, my kids, my church, people in my life, and my job. And I’ve finally found a way to do this in a consistent way, thanks to a buddy of mine.

Picking Up Journaling Again

Several years ago, Chris Pennington told me about this app called DayOne. It’s a free app you can get on your iPhone, iPad, and Mac (also available for Android).[^1] It’s a simple, clean journaling app. I used it a couple of times a few years ago, but I didn’t jump in and get the subscription to it because I wasn’t sure I really saw the value in it. So it just sat dormant for a while.

Fast forward to this past spring. My family was going through a time of major transition. We were considering moving, changing jobs, and changing churches, all at once. I was in desperate need of God’s wisdom and guidance and hyper-aware of my never-ending need for God’s wisdom and guidance.

I was diving deeper into the Word than I had in a long time, and I really wanted to get my thoughts out on paper. But I’m much more of a digital person than a paper one. I use my computer and iPad all the time, and that’s just what has worked best for me. I can’t remember if Chris told me I should journal out my thoughts during that time or if I thought to do it, but either way, I bit the bullet and bought a yearly subscription to DayOne.

Building a New Journaling Habit

The first morning, I got up at 5:00am, got a shower, got ready, made my coffee, and sat down in my chair. I read my Bible, journaled about that, journaled about the previous day, and journaled about the day ahead. Then I typed out a prayer for the morning. And I have done that pretty much every day now for 250 days.

Some days if I was traveling or had stayed up really late the night before, I would get back to it later, but that’s probably only happened less than ten times in that span. This is a habit that has been life-changing for me.

Personal Benefits to Journaling

Journaling has helped me in so many ways. Here are just a few.

1. Discipline.

I am naturally a very lazy person. I’m not sure if there are people that are naturally diligent, but if they exist I'm certainly not one of them. But getting up at 5:00am on a daily basis has been so helpful for me. I don’t even feel groggy in the morning anymore. I just get up.

On Saturdays if I’m not running camp (I’m a Christian Camp Director), sometimes I’ll sleep in. And by “sleep in” I just mean that I don’t set an alarm and I wait for one of my four children (ages 0-7) to wake me up. Then as soon as they do, I get a shower and start my routine. This has allowed me to start my day well and be more disciplined in other areas.

2. Memory.

I’m a nostalgic person. I still have my Nintendo 64, and I relish teaching my kids how to play the good old games that I grew up on. When I found out we were having a son (now almost seven years ago), one of my first thoughts was excitement that I would be able to give him all my old LEGOs and then get to play with them again myself.

I love journaling because I believe looking back into the past is encouraging. I can see how God brought me from one place to another not—just physically but also spiritually. And I have that for as long as the DayOne servers exist. Hopefully for my lifetime.

3. Focus.

I always include a “Today” section in my journaling. I say what I’m going to do for today. This is helpful because if I don’t know what I’m doing before I journal, sometimes I figure it out during the journaling. And then I’ve got a plan. If I have a plan, I can execute it. If I have no plan, I’m aimless.

4. Pictures.

One other thing that I’ve done every day is include a picture, mostly from the day before. It’s really fun to look at the calendar view in DayOne, and on every day of the month it shows the picture from that day. I’m looking forward to getting to my one year anniversary of this because I know DayOne shows you what you journaled on that day in the past (like many social media sites). I’ll have one entry per day this year, and I’ll have two the next year.

I’m excited to see the growth in myself and to see the growth in my kids. Most of my pictures are of my kids, though there are some recent Patrick Mahomes stat lines in there too if I’m being honest. Go Chiefs.

Conclusion

If you’re not currently journaling, I would highly recommend it. The practice has been so helpful for me in so many areas. One other thing that’s been probably more helpful than anything else is that I journal what I read in God’s Word that day. I just write a brief summary of what I read. It’s not fancy. It’s not long. But it’s something. And I have this now to look back on next year.

Journaling has helped me to push forward and be consistent in my Bible reading. Whether you choose to use DayOne or buy a notebook and stick to that, do something. And stay the course. You won’t regret it.

[^1]: But, if given the choice, why would you want anything but Apple!?

The Problem with Priority Lists

Caleb French — Tue, 31 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

I imagine that you, the typical Christian-dad blog-reader, are working hard to prioritize your God-given responsibilities as a husband and father. But why is that so difficult? One reason is because God has also called you to fill other roles and callings. Here are a few (in no particular order):

As a Citizen, you are called to submit to governmental authorities and contribute positively to your community (Romans 13; Colossians 4:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:12; 1 Peter 2:13–17).
As a Family Member, you are called to a whole network of relational responsibilities that vary by role and life stage (Genesis 1:26–28; 2:21–25; 5:22–6:9).
As a Member of the Church, you are called to reflect God’s character, as a community, to the world and use your gifts and resources to serve your brothers and sisters in love (Matthew 5:13–15; Ephesians 4:1–16; 1 Peter 2:9).
As a Worker, you are called to subdue creation on God’s behalf for others’ benefit (Genesis 1:26–28; 2:15).
As an Embodied Soul, you are called to care for and steward your body as you relate to God (Genesis 1:26–28; 2:7; 21–25).
As an Employer or Employee—a modern application of the master-slave relationship—you are called to certain behaviors and operations in the workplace (Ephesians 6:5–9; 1 Peter 2:18–20).

Add to these the many sub-roles God has called you to fulfill (e.g., Project Manager, Bible Class Teacher, HOA Council Member, etc.), and it becomes clear we need an apparatus for prioritizing.

A Problematic Paradigm

We usually assume that’s a number-ordered list, something like this:

God – Child of God
Family – Husband/Father
Church – Member/Minister
Work – Employee/Employer
Fun – Fun-Haver (?)

The operative question of this paradigm is, “Which responsibilities should always win over others?” According to the Priority List paradigm, God should win over Family. But then does God have anything to do with family life? Yet also, Family should win over Church. So if we haven’t had a family outing this week, we put “family first” and skip church, right? But then poor Number 4 (Work) is always in the doghouse. And so on.

Though we keep using the Priority List paradigm, its tacet presupposition is that your roles and responsibilities conflict—that they’re always in competition. In this way, we’re always doomed to fail (or feel we are failing) in one calling whenever we are investing energy in another. I can’t feel like a good dad when I’m at work; and I can’t feel like a good Church Member when I’m enjoying recreation.

The Lordship Paradigm

Let me offer an alternative paradigm for prioritizing, starting with a more biblical presupposition: You can obey God regarding every role, simultaneously. Put another way, God’s callings never conflict. Obedience to all of God’s callings is always possible.

How can I say that with such certainty? The principle is contained in Paul’s gentle counsel regarding charitable contributions in 2 Corinthians 9:8. “God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work” (CSB).

Every good work. Every role God has called you to (and there are a lot). You have all you need to excel in Dad good works, Church Member good works, and Employee good works, etc. He hasn’t set you up to fail. You don’t have to disobey Him in one area of life to obey Him in another. He is Lord (or should be) over every area of your life, and you must (and can) obey Him in each one.

I like to think of this priority paradigm like a wheel hub with a variety of spokes. The hub is our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ. As His disciples, we have made His claims and life-changing words the foundation of our lives (Matthew 7:24–29). We submit every area of life—Work and Family and Ministry and Recreation—to His Lordship.

In this paradigm, the Lordship Paradigm, our operative question is, “Which calling should I be fulfilling right now, and how would God have me to fulfill it?” This mindset regarding life balance rightly assumes obedience to God in every area of life is always possible.[^1]

Putting it to Practice

It’s freeing. I often consciously consider the Lordship Paradigm when I leave work to go home for dinner. Of course I leave some tasks at work unfinished, but that’s not failure as a Worker. I’m pivoting to another role the same Lord has called me to, being a Husband and Father. The same is true when I leave the breakfast table to head to work. I’m pivoting roles, not failing as a father to succeed as a teacher. And so on.

So armed with a more accurate priority paradigm, we’re done making real-time decisions, right? Wrong! While the Lordship Paradigm is more accurate to the nature of God’s multiple callings on our life, there is no easy formula for balancing these multiple roles. We’ll need daily biblical wisdom, studied clarity on the responsibilities our Lord has assigned to each role, and a continual submission to the authority of Christ over all of life.

But rest assured in the promise of God: You can honor Him in every role at once. So throw out the Priority List and submit every area of life to your Lord.

[^1]: This hub-spoke visualization is also helpful as a diagnostic for idolatry. Is there some other functional center for your life, driving the decisions in all other areas? Is there another god bossing all other callings into submission? Do beware, men: our jobs and the sense of purpose they provide so easily creep onto this throne and give orders we should only take from our Lord.

Why Do Dads Need Sleep?

Chris Pennington — Tue, 17 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

We’re obsessed with busyness.

Busyness itself is often worn as a badge of honor, like we’re all competing for a prize. This obsession extends to our patterns of sleep. We’ve all heard people say, “I only need like 5 hours of sleep a night,” and yet study after study shows only 1% of the population need less than 7–8 hours a night [^1].

Life is busy and full—especially for dads. My kids are nearly 7, 5, and 3, and I am still frequently up in the middle of the night with scared kids. But there’s a difference between missing sleep and neglecting sleep.

In the last several years, I’ve learned that sleep is one important way to submit myself to God. And nearly every time I neglect sleep, I also neglect God’s words about me and Him. I’m a creature, and sleeping is my daily reminder of my place in the Creator’s world.

Creatures Need Sleep

Neglecting proper sleep patterns can have many root causes, but I’ve often found mine are more spiritual than physical.

Sleep expresses your daily needs.

The Bible divides all existence into two categories: Creator and creature. The Creator needs nothing (Acts 17:25), while creatures need to be actively sustained by the Creator’s care (Col 1:16–17; Heb 1:3).

God wants you to be dependent on him every day, so he created you to need 7–8 hours of sleep each night.[^2] Don’t chafe at your need for help; embrace it and Him! Striving to get proper sleep can train your heart that you are a creature in need of the Creator.

It is not brave, strong, or smart to regularly ignore one of the most fundamental realities about yourself—you are a creature.

Sleep rests daily in God’s care.

One of the most common reasons I miss sleep is because I’m worrying about something outside of my control. Psalm 127:2 says,

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Sleep is a gift from God and a sign of his care for you (Prov 3:24b). Sleeping is a daily and practical way to entrust yourself to God’s love.

I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me. (Psalm 3:5)

God will care for your needs (Mt 6:32), so strive for healthy sleep.

Sleep prepares you for eternity.

The Bible uses rest as a metaphor for eternity with God. Jesus himself promises this rest: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28–30). And Christians are to “strive to enter that rest” (Heb 4:11). In Christ, all Christians will experience that rest that “remains … for the people of God” (Heb 4:9).

God made us to sleep each night and rest an entire day each week to prepare us for the “Sabbath rest” we will experience for all eternity (Heb. 3:18; 4:1, 3–9). I’d like to train my body, mind, and soul for that day by embracing my creatureliness now.

The Creator Never Sleeps

In a very real sense, you can sleep because God never does. Psalm 121:4 says,

Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

When you lay down your head, take a few moments to rehearse truths to God. Here’s a sample prayer to get you started:

God, you alone are the Creator and Sustainer of all. I am a creature who needs your constant care. You’ve made me to need daily sleep, and it can train me to expect and embrace your care. Sleeping isn’t weakness, but submission and trust. It’s good for me to remember that I am not in control and I cannot fix everything with more work. While I sleep, you still work. Help me see sleep as a gift from you. Help me trust in your sovereign control even when I’m physically unable to act. And help me enjoy the foretaste of heavenly rest you’ve promised me in Christ. Amen.

How to sleep?

Most dads are tired and many won’t balk at the need for more sleep. So how do you do it? Let me suggest 3 brief steps:

1. Pray for the right perspective.

Because improper sleep is often a product of bad theology, ask God for the right perspective and listen to him when he speaks in the Bible. Before you sleep and after you awake, talk to God about your sleep.

2. Prepare for rest.

As much as possible, plan a consistent bedtime and keep it faithfully.[^3] Once the pattern becomes a habit, the habit can do the heavy lifting and your body will start to expect sleep.

Each night, ready yourself for sleep an hour before your bedtime. Here are a few ideas:

Stop drinking liquids after dinner
Turn the lights down or off an hour before bed
Minimize screen time late at night
Leave your phone in another room at night (don’t skip this one!)
Get out of bed immediately in the morning (your phone is in another room after all, right?!)

3. Invest in sleep

A few years back, I told my wife, “If we’re going to spend 8 hours every night in bed, it’s time we started adjusting our budget to match.” Best decision we’ve ever made!

Everyone is different, but over the last 5 years or so, here are a few ways I’ve invested in my sleep:

We purchased comfortable mattresses
We purchased nicer pillows
We sleep with white noise machines
We keep the house cool, between 65–67 degrees
I bought a 25lbs weighted blanket and it’s awesome
I’ve tracked my sleep in some form since 2013 to ensure I’m getting 7.5 hours a night[^4]

I fully admit to going a bit overboard—but it’s so worth it!

A Word to Weary Dads

It’s very possible that you want to sleep more but are prevented by kids, health problems, or unknown causes. My goal is not to beat you up or cause you more grief, but to center us all on the spiritual opportunities available in sleep.

In a very real sense, embracing your current place in life is the way to embrace your creatureliness and to submit to your Creator. Not sleeping may be you submitting to your role as a dad or submitting to the health troubles God has brought your way.

As Christians, a Sabbath rest awaits us. One day, there will be no more crying [infants at night], no more tears [from scary toddler dreams], no more broken bodies, and no more troubles or anxieties. For all eternity, we’ll continue bowing the knee to the Creator and finding His care more than enough.

[^1]: Here’s one example referenced in a Business Insider blog post. [^2]: Reflect for a moment that Jesus slept—the One sustaining us patterned how to be a dependent human! [^3]: The easiest way to start is to go to bed a little earlier, just 15–20 minutes. If you have your phone in bed, removing it will also likely return you another 30 minutes each night. [^4]: I use an app on my Apple Watch called Pillow. And there’s more hidden in this footnote. I wear a sleep mask like a grandma (and I love it) and we sleep in separate beds (you heard me right!). Yes, two mattresses like some 1940’s TV couple; we sleep in touching twin beds to minimize waking each other at night from moving around on the same surface. There’s a surface connector that connects the two mattress surfaces but doesn’t pass movements back and forth.

Finding Balance and Purpose in Family Life

Chris Lynch — Tue, 10 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever woken up on a weekday, looked at your family schedule, and wanted to just go back to sleep? We all have! Family life is busy life. There are staple factors we must contend with every day as a school-age family: things like morning routine, family Bible time, work for teens and parents, school for the kids, chores, family dinner, homework and bedtime routine.

But very few families have it that simple. Add all the extra-curriculars and discretionary activities and it gets even crazier: sports practice, music lessons, art class, school functions, doctors’ appointments—the list is endless. Different schooling options (private school, homeschool, public school) facilitate different approaches, opportunities, and needs, but the reality of busyness is a fact of life for most school-age families.

There can be great fulfillment and enjoyment as a family in the midst of the busyness. But there can also be chaos and danger. Two things determine which of those realities describes your family: balance and purpose. If we as dads lead our families in being purposeful in our busyness and balanced in our priorities, we will find joy and fulfillment in a full life together. How can we find that balance and achieve that purpose in all the “extra-curriculars” of family life? And what dangers should we avoid?

Remember your job of daily discipleship.

Parenting is an exercise of long-term discipleship—leading those in our care to the Master, Jesus Christ, and then leading them to follow him daily in relationship and service. We are never off the job when it comes to discipling our children. We wake up each morning with the call to disciple them amid the activities of daily life.

God described this daily process to his Old Testament people in Deuteronomy 6:4-7. He put it in terms of loving Him. Love the Lord your God with your everything, and then teach your children to love and obey him too. Later, the New Testament put it this way: bring them (your children) up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4b).

The Deuteronomy passage in particular shows this process happening in the simple daily activities of life. Our children’s walk with Jesus should blossom and grow in and through the daily activities of life. The choices we make about those activities as parents go a long way to ensuring that happens—or doesn’t happen!

When balance and purpose are lacking

Hectic lives

Hectic lives often produce problematic family dynamics. Busyness can create exhaustion—for all parties. Families that live in a constant state of exhaustion due to their hectic schedules are going to have a much harder time accomplishing their essential God-ordained purposes of discipleship.

Hectic schedules can also create frustrated relationships. The feelings that accompany stress can often overflow into unkind words and actions. As parents we could subconsciously but easily violate the principle of Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 by overloading the daily schedules of our children.

If your family exhibits that chronic exhaustion or those chronically strained relationships, it’s time to do some reassessing on the balance and purposefulness of your schedule!

Misplaced priorities

When our families are overly busy, the resulting misplaced priorities feed dangerous tendencies and mindsets in our children. For example, pushing our children’s involvement in too many extracurricular activities could produce a family culture in which the child’s accomplishments are central.

While our children’s involvement in various discretionary activities can be immensely beneficial (we’ll see that later), pursuing that without balance and purpose can breed self-worship and overinflated self-importance in our children.

If they know their success on the soccer field or music stage is priority number one for their parents, they will “buy into their own hype” as well. This subtle but scary tendency violates the principle of discipleship we saw in Deut. 6: teaching them to love God with their all, through every pursuit of life.

This idolatrous mindset that their accomplishments are central or their success is paramount or that there is nothing they cannot do is only going to balloon into more grievous mindset issues in college and beyond.

Not only is that pride and misplaced worship produced in our kids, but we as parents can fall prey to it as well. We can easily succumb to the trap of living vicariously through our children, seeing their success as essential to our own fulfillment or feelings of accomplishment.

Finding balance and purpose

Clearly there are pitfalls in busyness that our families must avoid, but what’s the alternative? Can we be busy and still disciple? Yes, dads, we can find that balance and purpose! Here are a few crucial mindsets:

Target activities purposefully.

First, prioritize the activities that are most important, most foundational, or most conducive to the spiritual growth and discipleship of your children. There are certain activities and focuses that are designed by God to be central to that process.

Jesus himself grew mentally, socially, physically, and spiritually (Luke 2:52), so we should pursue activities as families that will help our children grow in all those ways too. Bible study, schooling, social interaction, physical activity, and dynamic church attendance and involvement all serve to enable and enhance the process of our kids’ growth into mature servants of Jesus.

Next, observe and evaluate the areas of giftedness and interest in your children, and seek to develop those areas. In earlier years, this may involve casual involvement in a wide variety of activities and pursuits, narrowing to fewer focuses as they grow older and those gifts and passions become apparent.

Use activities to instruct.

As they develop those skills or interests significantly, teach them the opportunities those activities provide for things like evangelism, service, and reflecting Christ-like humility rather than self-advancement. This is classic daily discipleship!

Teach the practical life benefits of the pursuits you have selected for them. Extra-curricular activities provide things like healthy exercise, development of personal discipline and commitment, social and interactive growth with others, comfort level with others different from me, involvement in a cause bigger than self, etc. Each of these benefits are either directly tied to discipleship or provide opportunities for growth in the ways Christ himself grew.

Demonstrate your child’s limits to them, too. They must learn that they cannot say yes to everything. They must recognize that when they say yes to something they are almost always saying no to something else; therefore they must develop their own sense of balance and purpose.

Finally, teach the biblical value of rest. Christ himself modeled this to his disciples in Mark 6:31. I love the subtle presentation of this principle in the context of Moses and Israel building the tabernacle in Exodus 31.

God gifted people with abilities and gifts for the purpose of serving him, in this case gifts for constructing the tabernacle itself. But in the immediate context, God also reminded them (and the whole congregation) of their need to honor the Sabbath for the purpose of rest.

No matter how good and purposeful our activities are, we cannot forget the essential priority of rest. Use your gifts. Pursue the development of those gifts. Stay busy growing, developing, serving, and being passionately active. But then rest because it’s not ultimately about you.

Model balance and purpose yourself.

Even as we teach our children these principles of balance and purpose, we can devastatingly undercut our own teaching with hypocritical inconsistency.

We must avoid hectic busyness in our own schedules. We must prioritize the most important activities. We must always be growing and stretching ourselves in the development of our own gifts. We must admit and act upon our own limitations. We must lead them in prioritizing rest.

May God graciously give wisdom to all of us dads as we lead our families in schedules that are fulfilling and full but also balanced and purposeful for God’s glory and the furtherance of Christ’s name!

God the Father

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 03 Jan 2023 00:00:00 GMT

One of the most important events in 2022 was the death of Queen Elizabeth II of England. Her amazing reign lasted over 70 years and she was deeply loved.

What made Queen Elizabeth so special? This headline from The Herald of Scotland says it all: “Determined, dependable and dignified: Obituary for Queen Elizabeth.”[^1]

Perhaps Queen Elizabeth’s greatest legacy was the dignity she leant to the crown. In a famous speech given on her 21st birthday, the future queen said the following: “I declare before you all that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service.”[^2] Elizabeth’s life turned out to be very long, but she never wavered from that promise. The service she rendered to her nation will long outlive her.

Imagine if you were to follow Elizabeth II as king or queen over England. You would probably feel a tremendous weight considering the dignity of the office and the significance of the responsibility. You would be proud of the pattern that had been set for your role and would be eager to live up to the title.

If you are a father, you also play a dignified role and carry a heavy weight of responsibility. Not only that, but you model after someone much greater than Queen Elizabeth II. Did you know God is a Father?

According to theologian Michael Reeves, “The most foundational thing in God is not some abstract quality, but the fact that he is a Father….” Reeves goes on to say, “It is not that this God ‘does’ being a Father as a day job, only to kick back in the evenings as plain old ‘God.’ It is not that he has a nice blob of fatherly icing on top. He is Father. All the way down. Thus all that he does he does as Father. That is who he is.”[^3]

Wow. Can you imagine a truth that brings greater dignity to the role of a human father? If God is a Father, and I am a father––I have a lofty name to live up to! I don’t deserve to be called “daddy” by four little kids, if “Father” is God’s most foundational title!

God’s Only Begotten Son

Of course, the Father is a Father because He has a Son. This eternal Father-Son relationship is referenced by Jesus in John 17:4 (“And now, O Father, glorify Me together with Yourself, with the glory which I had with You before the world was.”) and 5:26 (“For as the Father has life in Himself, so He has granted the Son to have life in Himself.”).

The Father’s giving of life to the Son is referred to by theologians as “eternal generation.” This important yet difficult doctrine is summarized in the Nicene Creed.

“We believe in one God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, begotten from the Father before all ages, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made; of the same essence as the Father. Through him all things were made.”[^4]

The doctrine of the Trinity explains how God could be love (1 John 4:8) even before He created the world: He loved His Son (see v. 9)! This beautiful, intra-trinitarian love relationship has been the focus of countless hours of meditation and worship by God-fearing people for over two millennia.

Children of the Heavenly Father

But not only is God a Father to Jesus; He is also a Father to His special people. Isaiah 63:16 says,

“Doubtless You are our Father, Though Abraham was ignorant of us, And Israel does not acknowledge us. You, O Lord, are our Father; Our Redeemer from Everlasting is Your name.”

Jesus taught His disciples to start off their prayers, “Our Father in heaven…” (Mat 6:9; Lu 11:2). Before ascending back into heaven, He told Mary He was going “to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God” (John 20:17). What a privilege it is to have God as Father!!

The Actions of a Perfect Father

What does God the Father do? He protects. Moses described God’s protection of Israel in Deuteronomy 1:29–31.

“Then I said to you, ‘Do not be terrified, or afraid of them. The Lord your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place.’”[^5]

God also provides for our needs (Psalm 103––esp. v. 13; Jer 3:19; Ac 17:25–28). Of course, the greatest example of the Father’s provision was when He sent His only begotten Son to rescue us.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

Finally, God lovingly disciplines His children. The author of Hebrews covers this topic in depth in Hebrews 12:4–11. At the heart of his exhortation is a quote from Proverbs 3:11–12.

“‘My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives’” (Heb 12:5–6).

So the next time you’re called to discipline your child and wonder, “Is this loving?”, remember that God disciplines all of His children!

Of course, all the Father does for His children He does in love. Perhaps the greatest picture of God’s fatherly love is found in Jesus’ Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11–32). Next time you get alone with God, I encourage you to read that story and meditate on your heavenly Father’s goodness.

Fatherhood is under attack in our world today. Many people want to dismiss this important role. In most cases, the blame for the degradation of fatherhood rests solely on the shoulders of sinful human fathers who abuse their authority and corrupt the image of God such that their children cannot even imagine a Father who loves them. Where can we as Christian dads draw encouragement and inspiration in times such as these? Look no further than God the Father.

[^1]: Queen Elizabeth Obituary [^2]: Queen Elizabeth 21th Birthday Speech [^3]: Michael Reeves, Delighting in the Trinity: An Introduction to the Christian Faith (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2012), 23, emphasis his. [^4]: Emphasis mine. (If you want to learn more about eternal generation, see What is the doctrine of eternal generation and is it biblical? or Is the Eternal Generation of the Son a Biblical Idea?. Or, for an even deeper dive, read this string of articles by Matthew Barrett.) [^5]: See also Ex 4:22–23; Prov 14:26; c.f. Mat 4:6

Does God Want Me Near Him After I Sin?

John Pate — Tue, 27 Dec 2022 00:00:00 GMT

When I was a kid, my family’s home was at the bottom of a large hill. Every time it rained, it seemed that all the water in the neighborhood ended up in our backyard. It was great! We could stomp in the puddles to our heart’s content, and that was allowed. But here’s what we weren’t allowed to do—come back inside the home in that unclean state. It’s not that we would die if we did, but—maybe! We never tried.

Our state of uncleanness kept us from being able to go back home.

Ever since Adam’s failure in the Garden of Eden, that reality has been the experience of all humankind apart from divine intervention. We have been expelled from God’s presence into a wilderness of sin and death, and we cannot seem to find our way back.

Perhaps you’ve experienced this recently. Maybe after a period of failure in your life, you knew you needed to come back to God, but you just couldn’t. Fear, shame, and guilt held you back. Perhaps an unwillingness to repent or the busyness of life kept you from drawing near to find grace to help in your time of need. Maybe you thought, “Does God even want me to draw near to Him after I’ve sinned?”

The Bible presents an amazing truth…

God invites you to draw near.

Enter the book of Leviticus. (Your favorite book of the Bible, right?) Leviticus presents God’s answer to this problem, starting with the first verse. In Leviticus 1:1, God invites the people of Israel to bring an “offering”—literally, “a thing brought near.” The first seven chapters of Leviticus then describe how an everyday person can draw near to God.[^1]

Stop and think about that for a minute. God actually wants you to be near Him!

The anticipation in this section begins to build as a group of holy priests prepares to enter the tabernacle (the first time that will have happened in the storyline of the Torah).[^2] All the people assemble to watch (9:2), Moses and Aaron enter the tabernacle, the glory of God appears, a fireball consumes the burnt offering, and all the people shout and fall on their faces (9:22–24). Yes, I’m sure we all would have responded that way.

But there’s just one problem.

Your sin keeps you from drawing near.

Most likely, the people are still present when, a short time later, Aaron’s sons also try to enter the tabernacle. Only this time, they do what is right in their own eyes. The result? God’s fire doesn’t consume the burnt offering. It consumes them! (10:2)

Can you imagine the pandemonium that ensues? Don’t forget—everybody’s watching! The people hear a blast, and now dead corpses are being dragged out from God’s presence (10:4). That’s when Moses stands up to speak to the people. For five chapters (11–15), God, through Moses, gives Israel some rather dense laws, explaining what just happened and giving them uncomfortable pictures of the wages of sin.[^3]

Here’s how Paul says it: “Just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned” (Romans 5:12).

Though you must draw near to God, you cannot draw near with your sin. But there’s good news!

Jesus has drawn near on your behalf.

After Moses finishes speaking, God offers an undeserved, mind-blowing gift, the gift of atonement.[^4]

On the Day of Atonement, God provided a chosen representative who entered God’s presence on behalf of sinful people with an atoning sacrifice. This atonement brought reconciliation to God through the covering of sin provided by a blood sacrifice.

What an amazing reality!

But the Day of Atonement ritual was only temporary (Heb. 9:9–10). It was a powerful picture of a full and final atonement yet to come. Our Lord Jesus entered once for all into the very presence of God (9:24), having covered your sin with His own blood (9:12–14). He drew near to God on your behalf, and then sat down at the Father’s right hand (10:11–14). If you have trusted Him as your blameless representative, then your sins are covered! All your sins—past, present, and future—are forgiven (10:15–18).

The way is open.

So, now, you can draw near through the person and work of Jesus Christ. So what should you do?

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16).

God not only wants you near Him, He has made a way for you to draw near through the sacrificial death of His only Son. So draw near! Don’t tarry till you’re better. Don’t try to clean yourself up. Don’t look to yourself. Don’t wait until you feel worthy. Trust His full and final atonement, and draw near.

Here’s how we draw near:

We draw near at salvation through the work of Jesus.
We draw near in prayer in the name of Jesus.
We draw near in confession and repentance based on the blood of Jesus.
We draw near in joyful worship responding to the mercy of Jesus.
We draw near through His Word beholding the face of Jesus.

And when you draw near to Him, He promises to transform you! Here’s how A.W. Tozer described it:

“While we are looking at God we do not see ourselves—blessed riddance. The man who has struggled to purify himself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when he stops tinkering with his soul and looks away to the perfect One. While he looks at Christ, the very things he has so long been trying to do will be getting done within him. It will be God working in him to will and to do.”[^5]

Do you need grace to help for your time of need today? God’s answer is simple: draw near.

[^1]: It’s important to remember that the tabernacle was decorated and furnished to remind Israel of the Garden of Eden. In other words, this is the way back home! [^2]: Moses attempted to enter the tabernacle in Exodus 40:35 but could not, perhaps due to the fallout from Israel’s failure in Exodus 32. [^3]: Interestingly, many of these laws use words or themes first introduced in Genesis 3–9, a description of the fallout and consequences of sin and the banishment from Eden. None of the “unclean” behaviors in these chapters are moral sins. Rather, through these laws, “God teaches people to feel about sin as they are accustomed to feel about an ignominious and uncomfortable exclusion from the ritual service” (Geerhardus Vos, Biblical Theology: Old and New Testaments, 182). [^4]: Leviticus 16 is the climax of the very center section of the entire Torah. This chapter depicts the only recorded entrance into the most holy place in the Torah which took place once a year on the Day of Atonement, a day the text calls a “Sabbath of Sabbaths” (16:31) [^5]: A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God, 95

10 Ways to Help Your Kids Avoid Materialism This Christmas

John Dalrymple — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 00:00:00 GMT

As a parent, I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas mornings.

Aside from the fact that my kids’ exuberance about opening presents makes it difficult for them to sleep in, I generally love Christmas morning—the sweet smell of monkey bread baking, the sound of “The Carpenter’s Christmas Collection Album,” and the sight of Christmas lights on the tree and sparkling eyes.

However, what I most dislike about Christmas mornings is the greediness and discontent that often shows up about five minutes into opening gifts as someone discovers that they want what someone else has or didn’t get what they wanted.

How do we help our kids avoid materialism at Christmas time? Here are just a few practical ideas:

1. Teach about Gratitude and the Gospel

At its root, materialism is not a Christmas problem, it’s a heart problem that grows throughout the year. We must consistently teach our kids what the Bible says about greed and ingratitude so that when Christmas rolls around, their contentment and thankfulness will be strong to face the cultural winds of materialism. [^1]

We can exemplify gratitude by thanking God for all His gifts. Regularly rehearse the story of the nativity and the gospel so that your kids are reminded of the greatest gift that was ever given.

2 Corinthians 8:9 “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich.”

2. Help your kids buy gifts

From the time our kids are young, we want them to be thinking about giving to each other and not just receiving for themselves.

If your kids are young, consider having them do projects around the house where they can earn money that is designated for buying gifts for their siblings and/or relatives. Then take your kids to a dollar store and have them pick out gifts for each other. Teach them to think about Christmas as a time to give, not just receive.

3. Create your own Gifts

Help your children see they have the ability to bless others with their talents and creativity and have your kids show their love for others by giving their own creations.

As a boy, I made a hotplate for my grandma one Christmas that she continued to use for the rest of her life. Hand-crafted gifts are meaningful and significant, even if it’s just a homemade Christmas card or cookies for neighbors.

4. Clean out the Closets

Christmas is a time when your kids will likely be receiving new toys and clothes. [^2] Take time before Christmas to go through their closets with them and pick out different items (still in good condition) that they can either gift to someone else or donate to a charity, hospital, or children’s home. Teach your kids about God’s desire for us to share with and care for those in need (Hebrews 13:16).

5. Tour a local Junkyard

Eventually, all of those things that our kids (and us as dads) wished for, argued about, and tried to protect from damage will be destroyed by fire (2 Peter 3:10-14).

Take your kids to the local landfill and talk about all the junk that people treasured in the past but has now been crushed into a useless pile of garbage. [^3] Teach your kids the treasure principle from Matthew 6:19-21 about not collecting trinkets on earth, but laying up treasures in heaven.

6. Gift an Experience

Instead of finding more stuff to fill their stockings, look for experiences that will fill their memories for years to come. Some parents give season passes to the zoo or share plans for a family vacation. You could also give your child an instrument or art set with lessons to go along with it.

7. Include Group Gifts

One way to combat comparison is to give a gift that is designed to be shared by everyone. One year we gave our boys a trampoline, but group gifts could also include a puzzle or board game that can be enjoyed by all.

Another very important way to avoid the comparison trap is to prepare your kids for the emotions they might experience on Christmas morning by discussing and practicing what they should do when they open their gifts and when they see what others receive.

Help them learn to recognize comparison, greed, and ingratitude in their hearts and immediately confront it with gratitude.

8. Exemplify Generosity

We should teach our kids a Biblical perspective about materialism and contentment, [^4] but as Randy Alcorn rightly observes, “Sometimes our actions speak so loudly that our children can’t hear a word we’re saying.” [^5]

My dad did a good job teaching me about generosity by the way he lived his life for others—regularly and sacrificially sharing his time and resources with those in need. Consider leading your family in prayer this Christmas season about finding a missionary or family in need that you could bless.

9. Visit a Nursing Home

The Holiday season can be one of the loneliest times of year for people, especially those whose health is failing and who aren’t living at home with family.

Take your children to an assisted living center or nursing home to sing Christmas carols, spend time with the residents, and share the love of Christ. This will bring joy to all and help teach your kids to value people over things.

10. Spread out the Gifts

Throughout the history of the church, many Christians have observed 12 days of Christmas and opened a gift on each day.

While it’s not wrong to make December 25 special, I have observed that showering dozens of gifts on our kids in the space of one half hour on Christmas morning often sets them up for failure. Spreading out the gifts to be opened over the course of a few days might minimize the force of the Christmas morning gift frenzy and help the kids appreciate (and enjoy) each gift even more.

Storytime on Christmas Morning

As a child, my parents always had us quote the Christmas story (Luke 2:1-20) from memory before we opened presents. This practice didn’t miraculously eliminate materialism but it helped to focus our attention on the greatest gift ever given.

As you spend time and money leading up to Christmas day finding gifts for your kids, don’t forget to help them avoid materialism and treasure the greatest gift of all, Jesus Christ.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given…” Is. 9:6

[^1]: Some key passages on contentment and gratitude that you can study with your kids include: Philippians 4:11-13, 1 Timothy 6:6-8, 1 Timothy 4:4-5, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Psalm 107:8-9 [^2]: Some parents follow a pattern of giving four gifts where children receive only four gifts—Something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. [^3]: This idea came from Randy Alcorn’s article, “Field Trip to a Junkyard” [^4]: Read Ecclesiastes 2:1-11 with your kids and talk about the futility of pursuing satisfaction. [^5]: Alcorn, Randy. Managing God’s Money. Tyndale House Publishers, 2011, 59.

The Question of Christmas

Chris Pennington — Tue, 13 Dec 2022 00:00:00 GMT

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The story of the Old Testament is in a very real way the story of Christmas.

From the opening chapters of the Bible, God promises to send the Christmas child. And every turn of the Old Testament story concerns that Promised One.

If God can keep His Word, He is God. If He can’t, He is a fraud like all the other supposed “gods.” The question of Christmas is “Can you trust the Word of God?” Will God keep His Word to the line of the Messiah, to the House of David?

Isaiah 7 holds one of the most famous Christmas passages in all the Bible. At first glance, it isn’t a very “Christmassey” story. But on closer examination, the passage asks the question of Christmas: “Can you trust the Word of the Lord?”[^1]

Historical Backdrop

Isaiah 7 opens with a siege on Jerusalem. Ahaz, the king, hears the news of Israel and Syria attacking him and his heart shakes “as the trees of the forest shake before the wind.”

To understand the enemy Ahaz faced, you need to know about three key events. In short, Ahaz had inherited a decades-long hostile relationship with Israel and Syria, had recently suffered a tremendous loss (120,000 soldiers—including his own son!), and had only returned to Judah by an incredible act of God.

Decades-long hostile relationship

First, Ahaz inherited a hostile relationship with Israel and Syria, which God started during Jotham (Ahaz’s dad’s) reign. 2 Kings 15:37 (emphasis mine) recounts the history:

In those days the LORD began to send Rezin the king of Syria and Pekah the son of Remaliah against Judah.

Recent crushing defeat

Second, by God’s action, Ahaz recently suffered a huge defeat to Syria and Israel, losing 120,000 of his soldiers in one day (including his son, his commander, and his second in command) and was captured along with 200,000 others from Judah (2 Chronicles 28:5, emphasis mine).

Therefore the LORD his God gave him into the hand of the king of Syria … [and] the king of Israel.… [They] killed 120,000 from Judah in one day, all of them men of valor, because they had forsaken the LORD, the God of their fathers. And … Maaseiah the king’s son and Azrikam the commander of the palace and Elkanah the next in authority to the king. The men of Israel took captive 200,000 of their relatives, women, sons, and daughters.

God’s protection and return of Judah

Finally, God acted to spare Ahaz’s life and return him to Judah through Oded, an obscure prophet (2 Chronicles 28:9–15). Israel listened to Oded long enough to return Ahaz with supplies before quickly changing their minds and returning to capture Ahaz once again (2 Kings 16:5).

It’s no wonder Ahaz and Judah were so terrified of the approaching armies!

Divine Assurances

When God approaches Ahaz through Isaiah the prophet, He has one message for him: “It shall not happen” (Isaiah 7:5–9). God pictures the “fierce” Syrians and Israelites as burnt out campfire logs already past their prime (Isaiah 7:1–2).

God makes it clear that neither Syria nor Israel will replace Ahaz as king. He goes one step further, promising that Israel will cease to be a distinct people group within sixty-five years, a destruction which is well-documented in the Old Testament (Ezra 4:2).

God is clear. He would protect Ahaz unconditionally. Ahaz need only be firm in his faith (Isaiah 7:9).

Assurance Rejected

God so often condescends to us! Here, knowing Ahaz’s fear, God tells the king to “ask a sign” as a proof of God’s faithfulness to His Word. He puts no restrictions on the sign, promising to answer anything as deep as the grave or as high as the heavens (Isaiah 7:11). God was offering an assurance of Ahaz’s own choosing!

God is asking Ahaz the question of Christmas: “Can you trust the words of God—especially when they seem impossible?” How does Ahaz respond? With false piety and control-freak levels of manipulation.

Unbeknownst to us, Ahaz had already manipulated his situation and skirted God’s help for another’s. 2 Chronicles 28:16–19 records that after returning from his captivity in Israel, Ahaz called upon Assyria for help instead of turning to God. He had taken the situation into his own incapable hands.

You may not realize it, but Assyria is like the Galactic Empire in Star Wars. They were beyond evil and were on the verge of brutally taking over the entire known world. And yet Ahaz turns to the Assyrians, offering a tribute that would eventually require the very gold in the temple to suffice (2 Kings 16:7–8).

The Sign of Christmas

When Ahaz refuses to trust the word of God, God offers his own sign. However, instead of directing it to Ahaz, God gives a sign “to the house of David” (Isaiah 7:13–14).[^2]

The “house of David” is a shorthand for the Messianic promise given all the way back in Genesis 3:15. God is picking up the scarlet thread of the Old Testament, the promise of Messiah, the Christmas child, and telling the Messiah’s line to listen.

It’s as if God says, “Here’s the definitive proof that I’ll keep my promise to you: look at the virgin birth.” It is God’s for-all-time sign of his own trustworthiness. Like the prophet will say in Isaiah 46:9–10,

…I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose’…

Conclusion

I have clear memories of a circus visiting my town when I was a little kid. I remember because every night I’d look out and see the huge spotlight rotating across the clouds from miles away.

The virgin birth, the Christmas story, is God’s spotlight. You can see it from anywhere in history and it illuminates one truth: God keeps his Word!

The answer of Christmas is “you can trust God’s words to you!”

Most people (dads included) don’t like the feeling of helplessness. They don’t like their backs up against the wall and so have a lot in common with Ahaz.

Christmas is our annual reminder that when all seems lost, when God’s promises seem too hard to fulfill, when God seems distant and absent, God will keep his Word. Is any word of God too difficult for him to accomplish? Christmas sings a resounding, “No!”

Resist the urge to manipulate for control or make your own plans. Instead, lead your family to rest in the promises of God as you look on the Promised One in the manger this Christmas.

[^1]: Isaiah’s prophecy is punctuated by two historical events: Syria/Israel attacking Judah during the reign of Ahaz (Isaiah 7) and Assyria attacking Judah during the reign of Hezekiah (Isaiah 36–37). Both historical events focus on a key point of decision in the exact same location (the “end of the conduit of the upper pool on the highway to the Washer’s Field” cf. Isaiah 7:3; 36:2). Each king must answer the same question: “Can you trust the Word of the Lord?” [^2]: If you care to know, I’m of the opinion that God offers two signs in this passage, the virgin birth to the House of David and the sign of Shear-jashub to Ahaz (Isaiah 7:3). The first is a sign of God’s promise and the second a sign that God would protect Ahaz from Syria and Israel but punish him with Assyria. Note the change between plural and singular “you” throughout Isaiah’s prophecy in 7:11 and following as he switches between talking with the House of David and Ahaz personally.

How to Keep Christmas

Caleb French — Tue, 06 Dec 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Did God invent Christmas? The modern-day Christmas festival, like most such cultural phenomena, is a confusing mishmash of elements and influences. How should fathers sort out and celebrate this holiday ‘Christianly” with his family?

Did God Start This?

Did God invent Christmas? God did send the Son to take on flesh that He might live, die, and rise for us. But did God establish the Christmas holiday? True, it’s called Christmas because of the long, long tradition of celebrating Christ’s incarnation in December. But did God institute this annual celebration of Christ’s incarnation and birth as an act of Christian obedience?

If we are honest, we must answer this series of questions (even if a little sheepishly), “No.” When the last page of the canon was penned, there was no Christmas festival to be found in Holy Writ. Jesus did establish one simple feast to commemorate His broken body and shed blood: the Lord’s Supper. Yet featuring His birth in a special festival, as edifying as it may be, is not a tenet of Christian obedience.

If and how we celebrate Christmas in 2021 is, therefore, a matter of Christian conscience, on which believers are free to differ with one another but must be “fully persuaded in [their] own minds” (Romans 14:5). God didn’t invent Christmas or command it.

What is Christmas?

But for most of our families, Christmas in some form is part of our winter experience each year. As Christians, we should think carefully about how to keep Christmas well. Should we keep it? What should we keep of it? In order to answer these important questions, our first challenge will be to define this holiday. If it’s not a divinely ordained festival, what is Christmas, exactly?

A favorite answer of Christmas’s Christian detractors has been that the holiday’s ancient pagan roots still define it today. While continuing scholarship has cast doubt on that assertion, I believe this origin-centric style of cultural disparagement misses the point. While origins may shed some light on current cultural phenomena (like Christmas), these products always meet us in the here-and-now. Cultural connotations can shift in emphasis and even in essence.[^1] So the question, “What did it mean for their society, then?” is much less useful for us than, “What does it mean in our society now?” Answering the first is easy but impractical; answering the second is more pertinent but also more complicated.

If we assess Christmas as a whole, in our own cultural moment, we have to admit that the wonderful fact of Jesus’ birth is only one of many reasons for the season as it stands in society. That doesn’t mean the extras are all bad—or all good. But they’re all in there: rustic winter nostalgia, gift-exchange traditions, family feasting, the whole Christmas tree thing, and lots of lights. All of that is Christmas, like it or not.

A Pile of Spaghetti

The modern-day Christmas festival, like most such cultural phenomena, is a confusing mishmash of elements and influences not unlike first century festivals that caused such quarrels in the early church. (See Romans 14.) You can imagine how quarrels would arise.

Which elements of [insert festival] are tainted with “all that is in the world…passing away” (1 John 2:16–17)? What part of the holiday can you “clean up” and re-invent for Christians? What aspects are fine just as they are? What aspects are entirely unredeemable?

Can I go Black Friday Christmas shopping, or is that materialism? What about Santa? Can I hang Christmas lights? Do I have to mentally connect Christmas lights to Jesus’ birth or the Bible? Can I enjoy cocoa just because? Is it OK to sing about Jesus being born in winter, because technically… What a mess! All of this is kind of like trying to analyze individual noodles when what we’re actually handed is a plate of spaghetti. This cultural complexity is precisely why believers analyzing the same cultural products will disagree on what to do with them.

“Every [created thing] is good.”

So the easy solution when we spot in the pile several “noodles” obviously connected to our faith in Christ (the Nativity story and images) is to assume they’re the only noodles we are allowed to enjoy.

Many of us tacitly assume that the Christian’s holy task each December is to purge—or at least, demote—the non-sacred elements from our observance of Christmas. Or, if we do keep our lights, gifts, and Christmas trees, we must be sure to make a clear Nativity connection to “sanctify” them.

Yet Paul presents another approach in 1 Timothy 4–5. First, he warns Timothy that one hallmark of a certain kind of false teacher is to forbid the enjoyment of good things (marriage and meat, to be precise) that God intends us to “receive with thanksgiving.” Paul then expands the principle. What “sanctifies” any “created thing” for a Christian, he says, is our active gratitude to God for it. Paul is encouraging us to replace the categories of “sacred” or “secular” with “sanctified.”

Sanctifying Christmas for Your Family

Which brings us to the right question: “What aspects of the Christmas festival can I receive and enjoy with thanksgiving to God?” While a discerning study of the modern Christmas festival will certainly reveal some things we should dismiss or reject, I do believe there are many noodles in this pile of spaghetti that God intends His children to enjoy “with thanksgiving and prayer.” (You are free in good conscience to disagree.) There’s a lot a Christian can keep when it comes to Christmas.

So how can you, head of your household, “keep Christmas” well with your family? Here are some principles, with a few personal ideas mixed in.

Reject materialism. Give meaningful gifts.

Probably the worst thing about Christmas these days is the commercialization of nostalgia to fuel retailer profits. They want you to associate “that Christmas feeling” with buying presents—from their store, of course. I suspect most of you can spot the commercial aspects of Christmas. But it’s easy to get sucked in and equate quantity with generosity. Whatever your family’s unique “recipe” of the elements of Christmas, purchasing extravagant gifts probably ought not be the primary ingredient. Talk through a restrained gift budget with your wife well before the hype takes over the aisles and airwaves. Then consider how spend your allocated funds on fewer gifts for your family and loved ones that are personal and meaningful.

Extend Thanksgiving through the passing of the year.

Our family has found it edifying to think of Thanksgiving as the first in a grand trilogy of holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year) in which we annually celebrate the goodness of God to us. This celebration is made all the sweeter by remembering Christ as God’s greatest gift, through whom we enjoy all the rest to their fullest (Romans 8:32). Standard Christmas traditions really can take you on a tour of God’s good gifts. Here are just a few you can sanctify along the way “with thanksgiving and prayer” as a family:

Work & Rest – Thank God for your job, but also for the time off to rest over the holidays. Both are His gifts.
Passing Seasons – God’s mercy is evident in the passing of the seasons (Genesis 8:22). Let the beauty of snow, the warmth of fire, and the glow of candles after early sunsets remind you of God’s faithfulness each day and each passing year.
Feasting – Good food and merriment are part of God’s good creation! Enjoy the merry meals and laughter, the parties and silly games. “This, too, is from the Lord” (Ecclesiastes 2:24).
Family & Friendship – You will likely spend a bit more time with your family and friends this month; and you’ll consider them as you purchase and give your gifts. Thank God for them, and express verbally your love for them and the important place they hold in your life.[^2]

Make first-hand family memories.

Christmas songs are full of nostalgic references to activities most of us never experience. It’s true that few of us have access to a “one-horse open sleigh” or a fireplace at which to roast chestnuts. But how many of us actually go hear “[Christmas] carols being sung by a choir” and “dress up like Eskimos” to, literally, “walk out in that “winter wonderland”—and even build a snowman?

Find ways to make some real-life memories with your family. Don’t just listen to them in a song or see them referenced in the ads. There are wholesome ways to decorate your home and interact with winter weather that build family culture and make much of God’s good world.

Alter your household to remember God’s faithfulness.

Remember the Sabbath Weeks of the Mosaic Law? I love in particular the Festival of Booths, in which Jewish families altered their living conditions to remember the goodness of God. Each year, we adorn our household again. The glow and sparkle help us see and enjoy anew the material and familial blessings God has lavished our household.

Remember Christ’s birth.

Am I saying Christians should downplay the sacred aspect of the holiday? Not at all.

Why wouldn’t you let this season encourage you to meditate on the early chapters of the Gospels? What better time than Christmas to begin a season of meditation on the life of Jesus which culminates in His saving work—which we celebrate on Easter? Why not remember in your gift-exchanging the Gift of God we could never repay?

In this and so many other ways, we can choose as Christian families to “observe [Christmas] for the honor of the Lord” (Romans 14:6). We can keep Christmas to the glory of God.

[^1]: Trace, for instance, the piano’s complex cultural journey from the classical performance hall, to the raunchy night club, to the musical preference for evangelistic and revival meetings, to the leading instrument of choice for “traditional” churches. The instrument’s associative meaning evolved through many settings with varied moral connotations. [^2]: Be sure you don’t forget your family in Christ, too—especially those who may not have close biological families. They are part of God’s “family blessings” to you, as well.

Making the Most of Sunday

Eric Brown — Tue, 29 Nov 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Mark it down: the most important thing you will do this week will happen on Sunday morning.

By choosing to be part of a church worship service, you are making a choice to not be in a thousand other places at that moment—not at Trader Joe’s, not at the golf course, not in bed. And that singular choice, to make worship of Jesus Christ the foremost priority in your life, is intended to have a ripple effect on every other part of your life throughout the week.

But showing up in the church parking lot, even early enough that you can get inside and find your preferred seat, is no guarantee that what will happen inside will be of lasting value.

So how can you seek to make the most out of your Sunday? Here are twelve suggestions. None of them are rocket science; most of them, in fact, will probably strike you as downright ordinary or obvious. But by implementing these and other ideas, you may find that Sunday is the most satisfying, joy-filled and joy-provoking, and indeed, worshipful, day of the week.

1. Set your clothes out the night before.

Particularly if you have young children, it can be frustrating to realize that every pair of nice pants are in the hamper, or every pair of shoes is scattered around the floor.

2. Learn as much as you can about the worship service in advance.

One of the things I love about our church is the forward thinking about each week’s worship service. If possible, find out what your pastor is preaching on, and try to read it, and other related texts, several times in advance.

(If your pastor doesn’t advertise in advance what he will be preaching on a given Sunday, consider asking him to make his preaching schedule public. Our church does this on a printed card three months at a time, and that list is also on our website.)

3. Read the song lyrics in advance, and look for biblical themes and allusions.

If you’re in a healthy church, it’s likely that the songs are chosen for primarily one reason—because of what they say. Churches are not designed to entertain; they exist to teach, and to fill our minds with truth. So think on that truth in advance! If a song has weak theology, we’re not going to sing it. If it has robust theology, it deserves meditation. (As on number 2 above: if you don’t know what songs your worship service will include in advance, consider asking your church leaders to post the list online at least by Saturday evening. Some churches create a playlist each week.)

4. Minimize distractions.

This suggestion will have different applications for different people. For starters, I encourage you to bring a printed Bible to the service. I understand it’s convenient to use your phone, but I also know I’m prone to read the texts I get when I’m holding my phone in my hand.

5. Eat breakfast and drink coffee.

Growling stomachs and drooping eyelids are a recipe for hindered worship, for you and for those sitting near you. You may need to get up a little bit earlier or to simplify Sunday morning breakfast, but as with setting your clothes out, a little forward thinking goes a long way in getting everyone out the door on time.

6. Go to bed early Saturday night.

If there’s ever a night to stay up late, Saturday is not it! Get your rest and wake up refreshed.

7. Take notes during the sermon.

Even preachers have a hard time remembering what they said in previous sermons. But even a mediocre sermon has at least a few good ideas to take home with you and think on again later.

8. Resolve conflict before going to church.

This one has biblical precedent. Matthew 5:23–24 describes a scenario of someone going to worship and realizing he has a human relationship that has been hindered by sin. Deal with that sin (with your wife? Your kids? A fellow church member?) then go celebrate grace with other forgiven sinners.

9. Pray for illumination.

Before the service, during it, and all the way through the sermon, be asking God for understanding of the Word. There is no limit on what God can do to change your perspective, your attitude, and your thinking through the preached Word.

10. Make easy meals, or make them in advance.

Why routinely plan a meal that is going to (a) take a long time to get on the table, thus leaving people hungry and cranky right after church, and (b) leave you exhausted and with a pile of dishes to do after fixing it? Get something off the dollar menu at a fast food restaurant, or pull out lunch meat and a loaf of bread. But don’t let plans of a big lunch rob you of focusing on the sermon, or of its long-standing benefit once you walk in the house.

11. Talk over the service at lunch.

Ask your children, “what did you think of the song that said ‘the true and better Adam came to save the hell-bound man’?” Tell your wife how the Holy Spirit convicted you of a blind spot—maybe she’s known about it for a long time and has been patiently praying for you to grow in that area. There are lots of ways to stretch the benefit of Sunday morning through the rest of the day.

12. Take a nap and read.

There are lots of options for the average Sunday afternoon. Few are as wholesome, for most people, as getting some sleep and reading a book. Let God give your soul, and body, rest!

There is no magic formula for a successful, worshipful Sunday. Some Sundays will be better than others, and some way better than others. But there is a lot that you can control, and these twelve steps may help make each Sunday a special day of worship and growth.

Family Fun Gods Way

Chris Lynch — Tue, 22 Nov 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Is your home fun? Does daily laughter characterize the relationships in your family? Is your home a place where enjoyment and recreation are a priority and are pursued together? Do you pursue regular out-of-routine recreation as a family unit? Conversely, could too much of an emphasis on fun be damaging? And are these questions even all that crucial for a dad to consider?

The topic of whether a family “has fun together” seems relatively unimportant compared to many other topics we could consider. But we as husbands and fathers are called to lead in all areas of daily family life, and how your family prioritizes and pursues enjoyment and recreation matters! As we’ll see, God’s Word has valuable truths to communicate about this topic, so family fun provides us with a wonderful opportunity to lead biblically.

The Bible does give us some guidelines to consider about how important family fun nights, goofy traditions, and even silly moments at the dinner table are to the health of a family—even the spiritual health of a family. It also provides principles that can help us find appropriate moderation in our family fun. Our purpose in this article isn’t to evaluate certain entertainment content or the merit of one activity or another but rather the value and priority of enjoyment, fun, and recreation as a family. Here are a few principles to consider.

Enjoyment as recreation and rest is important.

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. (Mark 6:31)

Jesus himself saw the need for rest for himself and for those he was leading. The group Jesus led had many of the same purposes as a family (discipleship, growth, service, and training), and Jesus’ role in their midst was one of spiritual leadership (not unlike our role as dads). It’s good to prioritize refreshment!

Life is busy and full. A family with a schedule full of even the most spiritually healthy priorities faces burnout. Burnout can limit your family’s effectiveness in service to God and can even produce impatience and frustration in the home.

Your family needs “recreation” in the purest sense of the word. “Re-create” your bodies and spirits through restful, refreshing times. And doing that together has the additional value of refreshing your relationships with one another!

Enjoyment is good.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Like a medicine, wholesome enjoyment heals, salves, and strengthens us. You may have heard another translation of this same verse: “laughter does good like a medicine.” It’s true! God has ordained personal benefits that come from enjoyment, both for individuals and families. Ecclesiastes 11:9 shares a similar truth specifically directed at young people—who likely exist in your family if you’re reading this blog.

Inner joy and its external indicators are gifts from God. He desires enjoyment, and he intentionally gives it. (We’ll see this in another passage below.) As a father, I must initiate laughter and enjoyment in my home simply because it is good for my family.

Remember how God’s Word defines “good” for a family—unity, love, closeness, and mutual growth. Enjoyment can foster unity. It can be a part of the process of healing past lingering conflict. It can create opportunities for fellowship. It’s healthy!

Enjoyment offsets the toil of life in God’s plan.

And I commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 8:15)

The concept of joy here in this verse refers to the enjoyment of the good gifts God has given. Work is part of God’s plan for mankind, and the presence of sin has made that work toilsome. But God has not left us without things to enjoy; opportunities for recreation exist in the midst of toilsome life.

Teach your children to appreciate the enjoyable gifts of life, and model that enjoyment yourself through pursuing those gifts as you lead! A hike together escapes the routine but also reminds them of the beauty God has made for our pleasure and his glory. Scheduling meals out as a family (or a special meal at home!) reminds them of the God-intended enjoyment of eating and drinking. Enjoy God’s good gifts.

Pursuing enjoyment requires balance.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven… a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4)

I recently heard a female friend (who is also a mom) retort that “the dad is always the fun parent,” and it wasn’t a compliment! Dads can tend to prioritize fun at the expense of other vital family priorities.

I like to have fun. But my light-hearted personality and nature tend to prioritize fun too much. I’ve been known to lead my children in goofiness at the dinner table to the point where standards of manners and decorum have been compromised!

Guys, family life includes important, lesson-packed times of sobriety and seriousness, too. My children are tempted to live from one fun activity to the next, loathing the God-ordained but less fun responsibilities in between. Dads, we must lead our families to pursue enjoyment and recreation in balance with all other family priorities.

Conclusion: Remember the Ultimate Source of enjoyment.

Take a moment to read Psalm 16:11, Psalm 126:2-3, and 1 Timothy 6:17. The principle that jumps off the page in all these passages is vitally important for us to remember. The source of gladness—for us individually or for our families—is not in the good gifts we are enjoying but rather in the Giver of those good gifts.

Teach and model for your family that a vibrant walk with God is the ultimate source of joy, refreshment, and fulfillment—not the next fun thing. As we prioritize HIM, these other enjoyable gifts will serve as tools to honor him. Truly, “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are glad.”

Protecting Your Teenagers Online

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 15 Nov 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Two years ago, I became a youth pastor at age 32. The assignment has been challenging, but I am enjoying my work and learning a lot. Looking back, I can see that I underestimated some things going into youth ministry–for instance, the age of my body and the amount of free pizza a 17-year-old boy can consume 😃.

On a more serious note, I also underestimated (1) how addictive technology is for teens and (2) how much trouble a teenager can get into with only his smartphone. Almost every time a teenager at our church or Christian school has gotten into serious trouble in the past two years, a smartphone was involved.

I’ve also noticed there tends to be a huge gap between what parents know their teenagers are doing online and what those same teens are actually doing. (For instance, according to Covenant Eyes, parents estimated their teens spent 2 hours per day online, whereas they actually spent 5 hours per day online. Also, 71% of teens admitted to hiding online activity from their parents.)[^1]

As a dad, I would jump to defend my children from a “bad guy” trying to hurt them physically. I’m sure you would do the same. Does that same intensity translate into protecting the minds and hearts of our children online?

The Dangers are Real

93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography by age 18.[^2]
Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 18-24-year-olds worldwide, and studies have shown a link between lots of social media use and teen suicides.[^3]
There was a sharp increase in cyberbullying and online conversations about violence among teens last year.[^4]

To make matters more difficult for parents, most teens today interact online through an array of apps which can be difficult for parents to keep up with.

For instance, did you know TikTok is notorious for obscene language and sexualized videos––many of which are posted by minors?[^5]
Did you know that the Kik app is often used to avoid being tracked by parents and law enforcement?[^6]
Did you know that a curious teenager can access pornography through any app that integrates with Twitter, including the YouVersion Bible app?[^7]
Did you know Tumblr is infamous for pornography? In 2018, it got so bad that the app was banned from Apple’s app store due to videos of child sexual abuse being posted.[^8] Today, Tumblr officially bans porn but allows sexual themes and nudity.[^9]
Are you up to date on your video games? Grand Theft Auto V is one of the 3 most popular video games right now.[^10] In GTA, you are a gangster who commits premeditated crimes like murder and armed robbery. You can even do drugs or visit a strip club (all with excellent graphics, mind you). In one harrowing scene, you even torture your victim.[^11]

Three Levels of Protection

As you can see, the dangers abound! How can we as dads protect our teens? We need three levels of protection. Let me explain.

We have a pool in our backyard. We also have young children. What steps do we take to protect them?

A fence
Swim lessons
Supervision[^12]

Imagine if we began teaching our preschoolers to swim and supervised them while swimming, but then neglected to put up a fence and let them play out back by themselves. That would be gross negligence! What if we put up a fence and supervised our children while swimming but never actually taught them to swim? They’d still be wearing floaties at age 18! What if we began teaching our children to swim and put up a fence, but then let them play in the pool by themselves? Again, no parent would do that. All three levels of protection are necessary.

What does this illustration have to do with protecting our teens online?

The fence = filtering
Swim lessons = training (discipleship)
Supervision = accountability

So how do we protect our teens?

1. Build Fences (Filtering).

First, I want to point out that the simplest way to limit access to dangerous content online is to not give your teenager a smartphone.[^13] This may seem obvious to some parents, but studies show that 95% of U.S. teens own a smartphone. However, as we sometimes ask our kids, “Just because your friend jumps off a cliff, does that mean you should?” Just because 95% of U.S. parents allow their kids to have smartphones, does that mean we should? Is it worth it, given the risks?[^14]

However, even if your teenager does not own a smartphone, you still need to set up filtering for your other devices. Does your teen have access to a tablet? Xbox? Smart TV? Chromebook? Kindle Fire? Any of these can be used to access the internet. (Of course, if your teen does have a smartphone, filtering is even more important.)

There are three main ways to filter the internet.

(Free) Filter using clean DNS providers.

Did you know you can block pornography on your home wireless router for free? The same method can be used to set up filters on individual devices when they connect to other networks or data. Check out this helpful article by Protect Young Eyes to learn how to set up DNS-level filtering.

(Free) Filter using parental controls.

Most companies offer parental control functions on their devices. For instance, in iOS, you can establish daily screen time limits, flag nudity in private iMessages, turn off AirDrop (to help prevent cyberflashing), and even set limits on how certain apps are used.

This extremely helpful resource from Protect Young Eyes provides step-by-step instructions for setting up parental controls on almost any device. Just be aware that parental controls don’t work for all apps. (For instance, YouTube is especially tricky to filter.)[^15] This is why you must understand all the apps your teenagers are using. Also, don’t allow them to download new apps without your permission. (In fact, you may just want to disable the app store.)[^16]

(Optional) Filter using additional software.

Many accountability software companies like Net Nanny, Covenant Eyes, and Bark offer filtering.

Objection: “That sounds like a lot of work!” Answer: “No one said raising teenagers was easy!”

Objection: “My teens can figure out a way to bypass the filter.” Answer: “That doesn’t give you the right to be negligent. Filters are important. They protect people from accidental exposure and force them to think twice about stupid decisions online.”

Objection: “I can’t shield my teens from everything!” Answer: “You’re right–– which is where Step 2 comes in.”

2. Teach them to Swim (Discipleship).

When it comes to protecting teens online, building a fence is the most urgent step you must take. However, teaching them to swim is even more important for long-term protection. This step starts with reading Scripture, praying together, building relationship, and having spiritual conversations. However, it also includes purposeful conversations about the dangers they will face online.

Two words to remember here are “early” and “often.” For dads with young children, did you know you can start warning them about pornography in age-appropriate ways while they are still in preschool? The books, Good Pictures Bad Pictures (ages 6-11) and Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr. (ages 3-6) equip parents to do that. If you’re looking for the same type of book for your middle schooler, try There’s WHAT on My Phone? (ages 11-14).

However, don’t just read the book together. Look for ways to engage your teens on these matters in everyday life. Here are some tips for having those conversations.

Ask questions to find out how much your teen already knows.
Be factual, open, and honest.
Be careful to present topics like sex in a biblical light.
Present role playing scenarios like, “What should you do if someone texts you an inappropriate picture?” Does your teen know how to identify a potential predator?[^17]
Make sure your teens know they can ask you anything and that you are always ready to talk if something is bothering them.
Plan for lots of short conversations instead of one long lecture. Your teens need regular instruction about these matters, and you need to know what is going on in their lives!
Most importantly, use these conversations to point your teens to Christ and the gospel.[^18]

If you have done your homework on Step 2, you may feel confident about how your teenager will do when faced with temptation. That is great! However, no matter how mature your teenager is, please do not skip Step 3!

3. Provide Supervision (Accountability).

When I was in college, my girlfriend (now my wife) came for a visit. At one point, we informed my dad of our plans to go swimming in our pool after dark. Dad said that was fine but that he would sit on the back porch and read. That was a good example of loving accountability. My dad had no particular reason to distrust me, but he was also realistic about human nature. We all need accountability!

Teens need accountability for their actions online. One of technology’s biggest dangers is that it promises secrecy. “No one will ever know what you searched for in Google.” “That picture you just sent in Snapchat will disappear in one day.” Of course, the biblical response is that God sees everything (Prov 15:3) and your sin will surely find you out (Num 32:32). However, teenagers need to know that their parents are checking up on them too.

How can you supervise your teenager online?

Buy accountability software.

What’s the difference between filtering (discussed earlier under Step 1) and accountability software? Filtering blocks access to websites, apps, features, etc. you don’t want your children to use. Accountability monitors activity on everything else you allow. There are lots of accountability software options on the market, but the two I would recommend most are Covenant Eyes and Bark.[^19]

Covenant Eyes is user-friendly and has great customer support but is limited in that it can’t monitor activity in apps such as Facebook.[^20] Bark is better because it monitors many apps such as Facebook and Instagram.[^21] However, be aware that no software can monitor everything! (For instance, Bark cannot monitor Snapchat on iOS.) Therefore, it is important to understand your accountability software and block dangerous apps which cannot be filtered.

Be curious about all aspects of technology your teen uses.

We cannot afford to “have no clue.” [^22]

Agree to do technology together as a family.

Create an account on all the social media sites your teen uses and follow them. If your teen plays video games, ask to play with them sometimes. (This can also be a helpful way to build relationships!) Watch movies together as a family and discuss them (instead of watching on your separate devices).

Keep the use of technology to public spaces.

Don’t allow technology in bedrooms or bathrooms and require kids to “turn in” their phones every night. (FaceTime in a teenager’s bedroom is a bad idea.) Also, try to avoid situations in which your teenager might face especially strong temptation to misuse technology (like sleepovers, for instance).[^23]

Know the passwords for all your teen’s devices and accounts.

You shouldn’t be “locked out” of any aspect of your teen’s digital life. Just like you can grab the key and enter their bedroom if necessary, you should be able to log in to Messenger and read their texts if you need to.

It is important to establish these expectations early. Don’t wait till your daughter has had Instagram for 6 months before asking for her password! Make mutual accountability part of your home’s digital culture from the very beginning.

A Final Question

Dads, what if your teenagers used technology the way that you do? You can make all the rules in the world, but your actions always speak louder than your words. Do you have filters set up on your phone? Are you willing to submit to accountability? Paul said, “Follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Cor 11:1). Is there something you need to confess and seek help with? Will you do it today for the sake of your kids?

It’s a wicked world out there, and our flesh is drawn to it. Let’s do everything we can to protect our teenagers (and ourselves) online.

(Summary) Key Resources:

Home Internet Safety Quiz from Protect Young Eyes
Family Conversation Guides from Covenant Eyes
App reviews (Protect Young Eyes)
How to set up free DNS filtering (Protect Young Eyes)
How to set up parental controls on any device (Protect Young Eyes)
Recommended resources from Protect Young Eyes
Bark
Covenant Eyes for parents
Bonus: 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You (Tony Reinke)

[^1]: These statistics are taken from the “Safe Haven” Parent Pornography Education Night resources provided by Covenant Eyes. [^2]: 10 Stats You Need to Know [^3]: Journal article [^4]: This is according to Gaggle, a company that monitors student activity on school-issued devices. (See this report for more details.) [^5]: News story [^6]: Most dangerous messaging app [^7]: This fact is highlighted in the “Safe Haven” Parent Pornography Education Night resources provided by Covenant Eyes. [^8]: News article [^9]: Tumper will allow nudity again [^10]: Most popular video games now [^11]: Article here. Scroll down to the “What Parents Need to Know” section. The “Parents Say” section is a sickening display of how foolish and naive many Christian parents are. [^12]: A big “thank you” to Tim Aynes for letting me steal his pool illustration! [^13]: In this wise article, Tony Reinke (author of the book 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You, published by Crossway) explains why you should never buy your kids “their own” phone. Instead, he suggests buying an extra “family phone” and allowing them to use it under certain conditions. This way, if your kids misuse the phone, it will be much easier for you as a parent to take it away. (If any of you have ever had to take a phone away from one of your teenagers, you know how personally they can take it.) [^14]: Many parents are concerned about safety issues. However, there are now many “dumb phones” on the market that allow you to keep track of your kids without handing them the internet. See this article for a list of “dumb phone” options for children and teens. [^15]: YouTube is currently the top social media app used by teenagers. According to this study, 95% of teens use YouTube, and about one in five admit to being on it “almost constantly.” This article explains how to set up parental controls for YouTube. [^16]: This article explains why you will want to disable (or at least restrict) the App Store. [^17]: See this article for more information on how to spot online predators. [^18]: Many of these ideas came from this invaluable resource from Covenant Eyes, which gives parents guidance for talking to kids of all ages about technology and porn. I highly recommend it! [^19]: For reviews and comparisons of the best accountability software options, see this article (Christian source) or this article (secular source). [^20]: iPhone accountability help [^21]: Bark monitoring different platforms [^22]: According to Protect Young Eyes, you should be not just curious but “insanely curious.” (See their Home Internet Safety Quiz, available here for free download.) [^23]: This article from Protect Young Eyes identifies 5 locations where teens often face digital temptation.

Stop Trying to Be a Good Dad

John Pate — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 06:00:00 GMT

“I wish I were a better dad.”

Have you ever said or thought those words? Perhaps you’ve prayed, “Lord, please help me to be a good dad today.”

If you’ve ever voiced your desire to be a good dad to others, perhaps they’ve assured you, “You are a good dad!” But how do they know that? They don’t hear your every word or see your every parenting decision. Do they simply mean that you’re a decent dad—that you’ll put food on the table and you’ll probably not end up on one of those “Dad-fail” memes?

What does it mean to be a good dad, anyway?

This question reminds me of the conversation between Jesus and the young official in Luke 18:18–30. The official comes to Jesus and asks, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” (v. 18)

Jesus’ response (as always) is mind-blowing: “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.” It’s as if Jesus is saying, “Let me stop you at the word good. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.” He then goes on to probe the young man’s goodness.

“Have you kept the ten commandments?”

“Yep!” (Can anyone say “denial”?)

“But you still need to give away everything you own and follow me.”

At this point in the story it all becomes clear. The young man is unwilling to follow Jesus, because he is a wealthy man, and giving up his wealth is far too great a price to pay. In other words, he’s not a good man after all. He may have been a pretty good man, but he wasn’t good enough.

Why You Shouldn’t Aim to Be a Good Dad

Let’s clear up a couple misconceptions about the idea of a good dad.

First, if by good dad, we actually mean pretty good dad, then a good dad isn’t good enough. If, like the rich young official, you hope that being a decent dad—the kind who only occasionally has bad days and tries not to swear—will meet God’s standard, you are setting the bar far too low.

Which brings us to the next misconception. As hard as you try, you cannot be a good dad. Jesus responds to the rich official’s sadness with these sobering words: “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God” (vv. 24–25).

Perhaps this reality explains why many dads have every intention of leading their families well only to come face to face with their own inability and failures.

If you aim to be a good dad, you will realize that you are not, and cannot be.

A Better Way

Perhaps you weren’t comfortable with the previous sentence. If so, that’s good. For if we respond to our own inability by aiming lower, we’ve missed Jesus’ whole point. All too often, Christians fall prey to a culture of what Jen Wilken calls “celebratory failurism.” You know…

“I’m a terrible dad.”

“Me too, man!”

“Whew! Glad it’s not just me.”

No, when those around Jesus respond with bewilderment at humanity’s bleak situation, Jesus answers like this: “What is impossible with man is possible with God” (v. 27).

The Bible is so clear. Even though, as a sinner, you are not a good dad, the gospel message declares that you can be a forgiven, Spirit-transformed dad! If you have believed in Jesus Christ, then His Holy Spirit has taken up residence in your heart. And wherever the Spirit takes up residence, He breathes new life. Even when surrounded by a bleak wasteland, even when all around is spiraling into chaos and confusion, the Spirit’s presence can create a garden paradise in the middle of a desert.

And he can do that in your family through you. He can produce “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23). Don’t aim to be a decent dad. Be a Spirit-filled dad! “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16).

Often, as I pull into my neighborhood after a day at work, I am reminded that a big part of my day is just beginning. And I also remember that, in my own strength, I’m not going to be able to do it. So, the Lord has prompted me to begin praying that the Spirit would use me that evening to make my home a garden in a desert. We are surrounded by a broken, chaotic world, but our homes can be bursting with new life as the Spirit transforms our lives.

So how can you and I change our perspective from aiming to be a good dad to being a Spirit-filled dad? We can begin by praying every day, “God, help me to listen to the Holy Spirit today and obey Him!” And then, we listen to Him. How do we do that? By listening to His Word. (Take a quick look at Ephesians 6:17.)

And then we obey. Meaning…

When your child dents the car door, the Spirit will prompt you to be gentle.
When your wife criticizes you (whether rightly or not), the Spirit will prompt you to love.
When your house begins to tend toward chaos, the Spirit will prompt you to be a purveyor of peace.
When work is eating you alive, the Spirit will give you joy at home.
When your teenager talks back, the Spirit will give you self-control.

So which do we want? To be a pretty good dad? Or to be a Spirit-transformed dad whose life bears fruit that blesses those around us? With man, that second option may be impossible, but with God all things are possible!

Fatherhood as a Daily Passion

Jeremy Howard — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 00:00:00 GMT

“To be honest, some days I just hate the job.”

This refreshingly frank statement was made to me recently by a Christian father who was struggling with his children. The words “hate” and “job” may seem inappropriate in describing a man’s feelings toward parenting, but, as he said, those words were “honest.” If more men were honest with themselves, they might articulate their feelings toward fatherhood in the same way.

Many Christian resources exist that instruct fathers what to do and say with their children, but a man must first find a true passion for the relationship itself if he is to be effective. He must see the relationship in God’s program. If a father lacks a godly desire for his own children, no method of parenting will ever bear true fruit.

Our Basic Pursuit

A Christian chorus from the 1980s states, “Give me one pure and holy passion; give me one magnificent obsession; give me one glorious ambition for my life: to know and follow hard after You.”[^1]

I love the simplicity of this song. It reflects the basic truth that the purpose of life is quite simple as well: to know and follow hard after God. Each day, by the Spirit’s power and in the light of the gospel, we are to pursue God’s purposes for our lives with a great passion. We should not complicate this with all the details we might want to tack on to it.

Consider how Scripture implores us: “Keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth,” (Col 3:1–2).

For Christian fathers, this daily pursuit always includes our relationships with our families. In marriage, a man has become one flesh with a woman, and he is to care for her as he cares for himself (Eph 5:28). In parenting, fathers are charged not to exasperate or provoke their children (Col 3:21), but to bring them up in God’s discipline and instruction (Eph 6:4).

When leading and caring for our families becomes a task that distracts from the rest of life, when providing and protecting is seen as an optional burden, then we have begun to think wrongly about this life altogether. In God’s good design, fatherhood is germane to the daily pursuit of Him. For the Christian father, to know and follow hard after God means to have a passion for the members of his own household.

Looking with Love

Paul told the Ephesians that he prayed that the eyes of their hearts would be enlightened (Eph 1:18). Of course, these “eyes of the heart” that Paul referenced are not actual eyes located in actual hearts. Rather, Paul was referencing spiritual insight, understanding, and motivation.

The eyes of our hearts reveal us as we truly are, and we are naturally prone to fixate on darkness; it takes a supernatural work to bring light to the eyes of our hearts.[^2]

R. Kent Hughes comments: “In Scripture, the heart is the fulcrum of man’s being, the seat of his intelligence and will. Paul asks, therefore, that our spiritual center will be given spiritual vision…We simply need our spiritual eyes opened to the truths that surround us.[^3]

In other words, we need to have our passions aligned with God’s purposes for our lives.

How can we know if the eyes of our heart are focusing on what God desires? Interestingly, the status of our spiritual eyes is often revealed by our physical eyes. “The eye is the lamp of the body,” Jesus said (Matt 6:22a), and many have come to agree with the statement, “The eyes are windows to the soul.”

You can tell if a person is happy, sad, or angry by looking into his eyes—and our children can tell the same things about us in the same way. As a man, Jesus communicated through His eyes, too, and over twenty times in the gospels it states that Jesus looked at someone or something.

Consider the rich young man who came to Jesus and asked Him what he should do to inherit eternal life (Mark 10:17–22). Having called him “Good Teacher,” the Lord responded by reminding him that no one is good but God alone, and then He refreshed him on some of the Ten Commandments. Foolishly, the young man said, “I have kept all these things from my youth up.”

Jesus could have rightly furrowed His brow in anger. He could have wept out of utter frustration.

“Looking at him,” the account reads, “Jesus felt a love for him,” (v. 21, emphasis added). This is the perfect impulse. Jesus, love personified, responded perfectly in love for this young man and gave him an invitation: “Come, follow Me.”

Bringing It Together

In relationship with your children, how many opportunities do you have each day to respond to foolishness? Our responses that fall short of Christ’s love quickly reveal our lack of godly passion for our children.

When I was in high school, a friend of mine was intent on never changing the oil in his car. Seeing it as a needless expense (and not caring to honor his parent’s gift of a vehicle!), he simply ignored the responsibility of car maintenance and went about his life. Eventually, plumes of smoke started to emanate from his car each time he would start it up. That alarming scene was not the problem in and of itself—the smoke indicated something that was wrong below the surface all along.

In the same way, our frustrations with our children often serve to reveal our frustration with God’s calling on our lives. The smoke billowing out from our annoyed and aggravated hearts might be a sign that we are actually annoyed and aggravated with God, not our children.

Let us never imagine that children get in the way of our pursuit of God. The Lord has put our children in our lives as a very intimate part of our pursuit of Him. Setting the mind on things above often looks like changing diapers, sacrificing sleep, listening to childish stories, and gently reminding or disciplining.

As fathers, we must understand that a passion for God means a passion for our children. Running the daily race of following hard after God means slowing down to look at the members of our household and feeling love for them. Let us seek to maintain that godly desire for our children day by day.

[^1]: Mark Altrogge, “One Pure and Holy Passion,” Sovereign Grace Praise, 1988. [^2]: Consider another older, simpler Christian song: “Open the Eyes of My Heart” by Paul Baloche. [^3]: R. Kent Hughes, Ephesians: The Mystery of the Body of Christ (Wheaton: Crossway, 1990), 52–53.

The Tool Every Dad Needs

John Dalrymple — Tue, 18 Oct 2022 00:00:00 GMT

What would you like for your birthday?

I get asked this question around this time every year and every year I struggle to come up with a good answer. When in doubt, a good quality tool is always a good gift to ask for or to give. But how do you pick a good tool?

When it comes to power tool brands, men are very opinionated (even though Milwaukee is the best, right guys?) and there is a spectrum of quality with all types of tools: hand tools, garden tools, sharpening tools, measuring tools, etc.

However, there is one tool that sets itself apart as the sharpest, strongest and brightest. What’s more, it never wears out or gets old. It’s the tool that every man needs, without which no man can truly live. It is the Word of God.

Before you stop reading and complain about clickbait, take a few moments to consider what God has to say about the tool every guy needs.

The Sharpest Knife

Many professions require a razor-sharp blade—surgeons, carpenters, and cooks to name a few. Dull knives are like bad friends. They’re inconsistent, they cut roughly, and they often do more harm than good. The writer of Hebrews describes God’s Word as “living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Heb. 4:12) As one commentator observes, “God’s Word has the ability to cut through our human resistance…and break through the pretense and confusion to expose the reality of our innermost being.”[^1]

Some men are known for being very private—like oyster shells, it’s difficult to pry them open and see what’s going on inside. However, God’s Word is like an obsidian blade, piercing the hardest hearts, exposing the deepest secrets, and cutting the nastiest sin out of our lives.

Do you want to grow as a dad? There is no tool that will pierce your heart and expose your sin like God’s Word.

The Strongest Hammer

I grew up swinging an Estwing steel hammer. My dad would often allow me to help him with construction projects, regularly assigning me the demolition role, which I loved (who doesn’t love smashing things?!).

In Jeremiah 23:29, the prophet describes God’s Word as a fire and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces. The message that the prophets delivered to God’s people was often intended to shatter their pride and confront their sin, warning of the judgment to come if they did not repent.

When we humble ourselves under the authority of God’s Word during preaching or in our personal devotions, it’s as if we have placed ourselves on God’s anvil, prepared for Him to turn up the heat and crush hardened parts so that He might form us more into the image of His son, Jesus Christ.

Do you want to grow as a dad? There is no tool that will shatter your pride and shape your character like God’s Word.

The Brightest Flashlight

We didn’t have LED flashlights when I was a kid, but we did have resilient Maglites , so when I was given a full-size LED Maglite a few years ago, I was ecstatic. Security guards, mechanics, and miners are just a few of the occupations that require a bright flashlight for their safety and success.

In Psalm 119, King David describes God’s Word as “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Ps. 119:105) More than just direction for life decisions, this light is intended to provide truth for moral choices and show us the safe path for our feet.

Do you want to grow as a dad? There is no tool that will light your path and guide your footsteps like God’s Word.

Dusty Tools

How many tools do you think you have in your garage or shed or truck? Men are stereotypically notorious for purchasing more tools than they need or use. However, most men would argue that while you might not need them now, it’s always helpful to know that the tools (and backups) are there.

What about God’s Word? In addition to owning lots of tools, chances are you also have a number of Bibles sitting around your house. When was the last time you picked up this tool and let God do His cutting and crushing and constructing in your own heart and life? When is the last time you read your Bible?

Your garage may always seem like it needs just a few more tools but your spiritual life has everything it needs in God’s Word. (2 Tim. 3:16-17) You don’t need five tips for being a better dad you need to read and apply the Bible to your life every day.

If you haven’t used this sharpest, strongest, brightest tool recently, let me encourage you to pick it up. It’s probably accessible on the device you’re using right now. Download YouVersion, start a Bible reading plan, and invite a friend to join you. If you don’t have a good study Bible or journaling Bible, consider asking for one on your next birthday.

If you want to grow as a dad and mature as a man of God, you must have this essential tool in your life.

[^1]: R. T. France, “Hebrews,” in The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Hebrews–Revelation (Revised Edition), ed. Tremper Longman III and David E. Garland, vol. 13 (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006), 68.

5 Reasons Dads Need to Read to Their Kids

Chris Pennington — Tue, 11 Oct 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Some of my fondest memories took place in the basement of a small house in Cape Elizabeth, Maine. I can distinctly remember the sound of five kids coloring with crayons while my mom read The Chronicles of Narnia to us for the umpteenth time.

My childhood is mostly lost to my poor memory, but if there’s one thing I remember, it’s reading together as a family. It was a pattern in our home. Well into my teen years, my dad would regularly read missionary biographies to us after dinner.

Reading had a substantial impact on all my siblings. One began a years-long series of world travels in his 30s due to our regular reading of Richard Halliburton's Complete Book of Marvels. Another sibling pursued graduate education in literature because she loved reading so much.

For me, reading created an insatiable curiosity about nearly everything. It’s made me love learning and the pursuit of it! Reading regularly exposes your children to distant lands and cultures, breeds a healthy imagination and curiosity, and expands their horizons for God.

While not everyone is a reader, the gift of reading is a special thing to pass along to your children. And as a dad, you have a special role in providing this gift.

Here are five important reasons dads need to read to their children.

1. Dads need to read more.

While not everyone is a reader, most people wish they were. How do you become a reader? You read. That’s it. Read until you’re a reader. And why not spend time with your kids while you’re doing it?!

The older you get, the more likely you’ll be set in your own experiences, opinions, and preferences. But reading can slow your hardening if you read diversely.

While media and movies can help here, they don’t offer the reflective time available in reading, and so lack the impact of a book. Reading forces you to view things from another perspective and reading with your kids helps you see their perspective as well.

2. Dads need more imagination.

Most dads struggle to play with their kids imaginatively because most dads struggle to be imaginative. Reading fiction is especially helpful in subtly growing your ability to be imaginative and playful.

While not true of every child, generally speaking, young children are full of imagination. Most of their days revolve around pretend realities. This play is crucial to social development, problem-solving skills, and critical thinking.[^1]

Our children need both permission and buy-in from dad that this kind of play is good and healthy. And dads could use it, too! Who knows, you may even find increased social development, problem-solving, and critical thinking is helpful for your work!

3. Dads need to spiritually impact their kids.

I don’t know a Christian dad who feels he is doing everything he can to impact his children spiritually. The problem is, most of us don’t know where to start.

Reading books with good theology is both one of the easiest and most effective ways to be a spiritual influence on your children. You can start today! Find a good missionary biography, read the Bible, or read a children’s Bible story book.

Spiritual impact, however, doesn’t require a missionary biography! When you read nearly any book, you’ll find people react poorly or live godlessly (i.e., without God in the picture). These are perfect times to stop and help your children process life in real-time from the safety of a book!

4. Dads need to be emotional.

A good fiction, history, or biography pulls you into another world. It brings you into the story emotionally and generates empathy for the characters.

When you read these types of books, it not only develops you emotionally, but also lets your children see and hear you express things emotionally.

I recently read Charlotte’s Web to my kids and having to vocalize Wilber’s cries for Charlotte (who had just died) forced me to be emotional in front of my kids—even if I didn’t much care about a spider dying (it’s a whole thing 🙄).

5. Dads need to spend quality time.

You’re home after a long day of work and you want to invest in your kids. What activity can you engage in that takes longer than five minutes and that is within your energy capacities at this point in the day? Reading!

And to top it off, most men feel close to people that they spend time next to—even if you don’t talk much.[^2] So sit next to your son or daughter and read for twenty minutes. At the end of that time, I promise you that you’ll feel much closer to your child and your child will feel like you really care about them. The gift of presence is a real thing.

Where to start?

So how do you start reading to your children—especially if you’re not a reader? Here are a few tips:

1. Start small.

Depending on the age of your kids, starting “small” could mean reading a kids’ book once a week or a chapter of a novel once a week. Consistency is more important than quantity.

2. Find a time or trigger.

Habits rarely form accidentally. Pick a time and place to read and build it into your week. Add it to your calendar. Tying it to some routine trigger has been helpful for me—like after breakfast or right before bedtime.

3. Mix up the content.

Read everything—theology, fiction, history, biography, and more! If you’re not sure where to start, I’d start with The Chronicles of Narnia, but I am biased.

4. Make it collaborative.

Let your children help you choose what you read. Offer 2–3 options and let them choose between the books or simply entrust yourself to the will of your six year-old. Your call!

Most importantly, start now!

[^1]: Nurturing Creativity and Imagination for Child Development [^2]: Think golfing. The last time I golfed with someone for 4 hours and my wife asked me how my friend was doing, I told her, “Good, I think.” She was flabbergasted how I didn’t know more after 4 hours in a golf cart together, but I felt super close to my friend after that day! Guys, we’re odd.

Legacy Lessons from Grandpa Wright

Caleb French — Tue, 04 Oct 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Godly grandfathers are simply godly fathers, more grown up. As my Grandpa Wright’s ordinary life nears its end, I am struck by the extraordinary legacy of godliness he will soon leave behind. But what, exactly, does that legacy consist of? What virtues of Christ were visible in Grandpa’s life? Who must I be now, by God’s grace, if I want to reach the end of my life with the same legacy of godliness?

As we near “the house of mourning,” it is wise to consider my own life in light of my grandpa (Ecclesiastes 7:1–4). What follows is a tribute to Don Wright, offered here as a personal, prayerful reflection and a challenge to us fathers who are still in the middle of our race. Our days are numbered; let us redeem them wisely (Psalm 90:12; Ephesians 5:15–17) and pursue virtue in each one.

He kept laughing.

The man laughed well. I remember a few stories from his childhood in particular (one about a snake and an outhouse comes to mind) that he could barely tell without his eyes squinting and gut pounding in laughter. He had a cheerful way of enjoying and recounting events. It was such good medicine for us when we were together (Proverbs 17:22).

While laughter may not be a virtue, joy is. And Grandpa Wright was joyful. As I progress in my adulthood, I see ways that my preoccupation with the “weight of my responsibilities” can stifle laughter that might more easily flow if I were more consciously trusting the goodness of God in all things (Romans 8:28; 35).

I wonder, how often do my daughters and friends hear me laugh? Lord, may I never let anxiety hamper my delight in your daily gifts to me.

He kept marking the “moments.”

Grandpa Wright formed habits with his children and grandchildren. He greeted us at the door every time we arrived at the little white house on the corner. When he would put on an old western or black-and-white movie for us, he would pop popcorn in the same metal bowl and deliver it to the TV room just in time to start the “good show.” When he served you midday coffee, he would warm the mugs in the microwave (with water) before pouring the coffee.

Every Christmas Eve, he had prepared a specific Scripture and devotional reading to set the tone of our gathering. On a larger scale, he facilitated a six-years-running fishing trip with as many of the Wright family men and boys as could join. And before we ever left the house, he would circle us up in a ring, have us join hands, and pray over us before we drove the two-and-a-half hours back to our house.

Now that I look back, part of the impact of those moments was their repetition. Each served as a habit to enact a particular virtue. Popcorn popping and coffee mug-warming: love and kindness. Parting prayers: framing our time together in the fear of the Lord.

Lord of my days, may I mark moments with virtuous habits that guide my love for You and my neighbor into tangible practice.

He kept loving his family.

He said, “I love you.” He hugged tightly. He treasured time together. He was gentle in our family gatherings (1 Thessalonians 2:7–8). His love for his children and grandchildren was evident in his practical affection. Do the people dear to me know it? Lord, may I demonstrate my love for others in outward signs of affection.

He kept growing in grace.

If you spent any length of time in my Grandpa Wright’s little white house, sooner or later, you would hear him share what he had been learning from God. It was not uncommon for me to walk in on him in the living room, Bible open, eyes peering into the pages of Scripture. Sometimes I saw his lips moving. He was whispering God’s words, or whispering words to God, or a mixture of the two. He was pursuing God.

Though an elderly man, Grandpa Wright did not relegate the idea of growing spiritually to a former phase of his life. He was still eager to “grow in grace and in the knowledge of [his] Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18). It strikes me now that to assume this posture of a learner as an older man was an evidence of humility, the posture that opens us to God’s grace in its fullest measure (James 4:6).

Do I hunger for the Word like Grandpa Wright did? Do I engage the word prayerfully like he did?

Lord, keep me in the humble posture of a recipient, a learner, and a delighter in the grace of God. Oh, that I would be thirsty for God till my last breath!

He framed all gratitude in the gospel.

Every Christmas Eve for many years running, our entire extended family would gather at the Wrights’ little white house. After the food but before the gifts, Grandpa would cram the family into the small living room and share Scripture.

I remember he would always add a comment to this effect: “Boy, I sure am so thankful for all of you. So glad you know the Lord. Where I came from, I would have never imagined that there could be a wonderful family like this. But God saved me, and finding Christ just changed everything for me, and now here we all are. I’m just so thankful.”

Grandpa Wright was in essence a first-generation Christian. He really did consider the sum total of the blessings of his life as springing from the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. And he said it often enough for me to remember it.

Christ, may every temporal and relational blessing in this life point me back to the first Gift: You and the communion with God into which You have invited me forever.

He kept on.

Have you noticed a repeated word in these traits? Kept. While my grandpa was not perfect (and would readily admit it), I grew to rely on these traits. I came to expect his laughter to set a cheerful mood at our gatherings, to expect the popcorn with his “good shows,” to expect to find him with his Bible open.

The Holy Spirit exhibited in Don Wright the fruit of faithfulness (Galatians 5:22). This virtue sustained the others over time—over a life. This virtue, I believe, forms the weight of his legacy.

That observation made me wonder, what virtues of Christ are manifesting in me that my wife, my daughters, my friends, and my colleagues can rely on?

Holy Spirit, make me faithful. Sustain Your graces in me through all my days, one day at a time.

A Christian’s life can be such a beautiful prism for the radiance of Christ. I am grateful that through my Grandpa Wright, I have seen glimpses of my Lord. And I am inspired to keep gazing at His beauty long after Grandpa Wright’s eyes close, then open forever to gaze unhindered upon his Savior.

Do Not Fear, Little Flock

Tommy Jeffcott — Tue, 27 Sep 2022 06:00:00 GMT

On our recent family vacation, we decided that we would try to find something worth watching on television. This is certainly a challenging task today.

In the process of trying to find a program for our children, we came across many advertisements for new medicines. You know, the advertisement in which the narrator offers a long list of symptoms while the screen shows a dark and dreary scene. Then he announces the name of the new prescription and suddenly, the colors are bright and cheerful and everyone in the scene is happy once again.

We always laugh at the conclusion of these ads because they are required to list all of the possible side effects. Invariably, the “possible” side effects are much worse than whatever problem the medicine is supposed to help. Consider what one of these advertisements might sound like if it was aimed at the average Christian today.

“Do you find yourself unsettled and anxious without knowing why? Does your heart rate increase and are you likely to become angry over things that would not have bothered you some time ago? If you have experienced one or more of these symptoms then you should ask your Savior if God’s Word is right for you.”

Of course, the obvious answer is yes. God’s Word always has the truth that we need. This is especially true for Fathers. Children can see our anxiety. Perhaps your children have asked you, “Dad, why are you so worried?” Your response to this question is critical.

At this moment, you reveal something very important to your children. You show them whether or not you are truly trusting Christ.

Jesus, the Loving Shepherd

As Jesus is speaking with the disciples in Luke 12, He says to them,

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. 23 Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? 25 And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

26 If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

29 And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. 32 Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

Jesus knows our hearts. He knows that His followers are feeble. He knows what we need to hear in order to be able to keep serving Him in a world that is increasingly hostile to Him. Thus, Jesus speaks to us as a loving Shepherd speaks to His sheep.

Worry, Trust, and the Glory of God

Do not worry about your life - Why did he say this? Because the disciples were like all of us, so prone to worry about our earthly life. This is a command in the present imperative with a negative which means “Stop being worried.”

Clearly, God's will for His children is trust and not worry. Worry is a byproduct of a lack of trust. C. H. Spurgeon said, “The best cure for the cares of this life is to care much to please God. If we loved him better, we should love the world far less, and be less troubled about our portion in it.”[^1]

There is a subtle distinction between worry and concern, for whereas worry tends to “paralyze” us, genuine concern tends to motivate us. Worry fears the worst and tries to control the future, whereas godly concern hopes for the best and redeems the future.

Worry does not give God the glory due Him (Matthew 5:16) and tends to take our mind off of the things that are important, whereas genuine concern tends to direct our focus to those things that are truly important. A good antidote for present worry is to maintain a “heavenly focus,” continually contemplating the things above (Colossians 3:1-2) and the things to come, especially our blessed future hope (Titus 2:13). In his exposition of Psalm 119:114, Spurgeon offers these helpful words, “Amid fret and worry, a hope of heaven is an effectual balm."[^2]

What is Worry?

The word that is translated as worry was used in classical Greek to describe a condition of being raised up or suspended in the air, like a person dangling from a rope. This word was used to describe a person who felt totally insecure and swinging out of control. Some translations render this as “anxious.” One of the likely roots of this Greek term means to divide; deal out; apportion.[^3]

This is what worry does to a person. Our goals and desires pull us in one direction and our worries and fears pull us in another. Worry distracts people and cuts them into emotional pieces, like a chef slicing away at a cucumber. When a person worries, their peace of mind and ability to focus on the right things is chopped up. Instead of keeping their eyes on the Lord, they focus on things that cannot satisfy.

The Solution to Worry

What then is our Lord’s answer to the pervasive problem of worry? He directs our attention to our Creator. We are told that nothing stems the tide of worry like trust in God. This teaching is concentrated in verses 31 and 32. There we read,

“But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

If we were honest, we would acknowledge that most of our worries come from a lack of focus on eternal things and the God who is Himself eternal. If that is the case for you, as it often is for most of us, take some time to consider this truth - God takes delight in pouring out all the blessings of His kingdom on His beloved children.

In other words, everything that you’re worried about today is a mere trinket compared to what God has already given you in Christ. There is no relationship, treasure, title, or experience that comes even close to the indescribable joy of being in God’s presence. This is the stabilizing truth that Christ shared with His anxious followers that day. This is the same stabilizing truth that we must grab hold of today.

Conclusion

Teach your children to look to Christ. Don’t hide how you are feeling. In those moments when they sense your concern, point toward eternal things and give your children heavenly hope.

Father, “your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105). Knowing that “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9), gives me hope for today and joy for tomorrow. Thank you for these sweet and precious promises.

[^1]: C.H. Spurgeon sermon [^2]: C.H. Spurgeon sermon [^3]: The Lexham Analytical Lexicon to the Greek New Testament (Logos Bible Software, 2011)

Book Review the Ology

Chris Lynch — Tue, 20 Sep 2022 06:00:00 GMT

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The word “theology” sounds pretty intimidating. The word literally means “the study of God”, and it’s often viewed as a pursuit reserved for pastors or Bible teachers. But did you know that you and I can be theologians, too? In fact, we are all theologians by default. Furthermore, if your kids are followers of Jesus, they are also called to be theologians, too! The study of God and his truth is a calling we all have been given, whether we’re just starting out on the journey of learning or if we’ve been at it for a lifetime (Ps. 119:9-11; 1 Pet. 2:2).

For families who want to grow together in both their likeness to Christ and the knowledge of his truth, time in God’s Word is essential. Our children need to be direct to the Word of God within their home, not just at church. Fathers bear the ultimate responsibility to ensure this happens (Eph. 6:4)! But this important factor of family life isn’t easy to make a reality.

God’s Word is a massive treasure trove of content our family needs, but it’s hard to know where to start—or even what to cover or not to cover. As children grow, it becomes more difficult to meet each one where they are in their cognitive or spiritual growth arc. They need a structured approach to the study of God’s truth that they can grasp. Exposure to the truth of Scripture is vital for our kids, but wise and strategic exposure is almost as vital!

Thankfully, there are numerous tools available that can help dads lead their families in Bible study. We are excited to perhaps help you narrow the selection a bit by suggesting resources we have found helpful and edifying for our own families.

A couple of months ago Andy provided an overview of The Big Picture Story Bible (you can read his review here). Let me introduce you to another similar resource: The Ology: Ancient Truths Ever New by Marty Machowski.[^1]

A tool for all age levels

While the Big Picture Story Bible is a fantastic tool for your younger children to Scripture, The Ology is designed to meet the needs of your older children, too. Marty calls it “a multilayered educational resource for grade school children”. At the beginning of the book, he provides a detailed parent guide, including specific ideas on how to approach using it for early ages, late elementary students, or even teens.

The book is remarkably flexible and effective in its usefulness for our children, no matter their age. For younger children, Marty writes in a way that our little ones can understand. Each lesson features beautiful illustrations that enhance understanding of the content rather than distract from it. But those aren’t the only “pictures” he provides. Throughout his writing he uses true-to-life word pictures that are original and helpful in illustrating the truths he is teaching.

For older children, Marty provides strategies for everything from Scripture memory to journaling as your children read. At the back of the book, he provides a glossary of important theological terms that align with concepts readers will come across throughout the book. If our children’s theological vocabulary is growing, they will understand their own Bible reading and the preaching of it more and more. He even provides questions for each section to prompt further discussion between you and your children about each lesson.

A systematic structure

God very intentionally produced his Word with the structure of a single arching story. It is important to teach our children that story and present the truth (theology) of Scripture as it fits into that story.

But that is not the only way to present theology to our kids. We can and should also use an organizational structure to help them grasp what they are learning. You may have heard the term “systematic theology”—and then likely moved on with your day assuming that was a topic reserved for those slaving away in the walls of a Bible college or seminary. But systematic theology simply refers to organizing the truths of God’s Word topically. And that’s exactly what The Ology is designed to do.

The book is organized into eleven categories of truth found in God’s Word, featuring headings like “The Ology of God”, “The Ology of Sin”, “The Ology of Christ”, “The Ology of the Church”, and “The Ology of Adoption into God’s Family”. Each section features several lessons (71 in total), each one teaching a particular Biblical truth. Each lesson has a block of Marty’s text, several Scripture passages typed out, an illustration or two, and a list of several other passages for further study or memorization.

By walking through this book cover to cover, your child will be provided with a thorough, effective, and convicting overview of the bedrock truths God has revealed to them in his Word—truths he wants them to know and calls on us to teach.

I highly recommend this resource for you as you expose your grade school children to the systematic truths of God’s Word. I have even found myself regularly being edified and challenged by my time reading this book with my children. I know you will be too. In the end, that’s what this is all about—learning and growing alongside each other and becoming stronger “theologians” together!

[^1]: Marty is on the pastoral staff of a large church in Pennsylvania, where he has served for almost 35 years. Much of his ministry has been with children, and he has overseen, written, or produced numerous tools, curriculums, and programs for children of all ages. His experience ministering to children is vast, and his ability to communicate truth to them is clearly visible in his writing. [^2]: As Andy pointed out in his article, The Big Picture Story Bible accomplishes this masterfully.

Unconditional Love

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 13 Sep 2022 06:00:00 GMT

Several months ago, I could tell something was “off” in my relationship with my wife. We weren’t as close as we had been before. I attributed it to busyness and stress, but God exposed my lack of unconditional love.

Then an evangelist came to our church. He preached a sermon on Romans 8:28–39. Take a minute to read the passage yourself.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The sermon was on the unconditional love of God. I remember an illustration that rubbed me the wrong way. The preacher said when he disciplines his children, he has a habit of asking them, “Does Daddy love you?” Of course, the answer is “Yes.” But next comes the trick question: “Ya, but does Daddy love you more when you are good?” The correct answer is “No. Daddy loves me just as much when I am bad as when I am good.”

Is that really a biblical way to think?

Jesus is clear in John 15:9-10 that we abide in His love by keeping His commandments.

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.”

However, this does not mean that God loves us less when we disobey Him. Rather, it is my experience of His love which is at stake. Notice, Jesus doesn’t say that when I disobey Him, He withholds love from me. That would be cruel. Instead, He says that when I disobey, it is as if I am walking away from His love.[^1]

So when Jesus says, “Abide in my love,” He is referring to God’s provisional love. (That is the part I was getting.) But when Paul says, “Nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ,” he means God’s selective love. (That is the part I was missing.)

To clarify, when I say, “I was missing it,” I don’t mean I was missing it altogether. I’ve been to seminary. I know what Romans 8 means. However, an emphasis on God’s unconditional love was missing from my daily life and especially my relationships.

Here are some examples of what that looked like.

Passive-aggressive comments – I am helping my wife bring in groceries. I had asked her to buy milk, but there’s none in the van. I ask, “Did you forget milk?” not because I am lacking information but to punish her forgetfulness.
Withholding words of affection – On days when I come home and the laundry and dishes are done, I tell Elise how much I love her. On days when the house is in chaos, I say something like, “Been a rough day?”
Task-oriented focus – My speech revolves around accomplishing tasks rather than knowing my wife.

These habits were weakening my marriage. And they were spilling over into other relationships too. I realized that when trying to create conversation with my children, I usually asked about how they did on their homework that day, how their piano songs were going, whether their room was clean, etc.

Unknowingly, I was sending the signal, “What Daddy cares about most is how you perform.” It is a small step from there to “Daddy’s love is dependent on your performance.” Even in the high school Bible class I teach, I often praised students who were doing well but could be short with those who weren’t trying. I was failing to internalize and live out God’s unconditional love. When I told my wife about what I was learning, she was overjoyed and told me she had been praying for me about those same things.

I am learning that when I come home from work and the house is a mess, those are the days to move closer to my wife with words of love and affection. Why? Because it is in those moments that I have the best opportunity to demonstrate to Elise the security of our relationship. [^2]

Dads have a reputation for being the no-nonsense, get- ‘er-done parents. We like to push our kids to perform to their maximum potential. That’s a good thing. However, beneath all our pushing of our children must flow (in the words of The Jesus Storybook Bible author Sally Lloyd-Jones) a “Never-Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.”[^3] Christian Dad, has God’s unconditional love in Christ taken root in your soul? Do your wife and children know that you love them unconditionally?

[^1]: D.A. Carson’s little book, The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God is helpful at this point. Carson distinguishes between God’s selective love (which cannot possibly change) and His provisional love (which is conditioned upon the believer’s obedience). Carson argues that both concepts are biblical. D.A. Carson, The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God (Nottingham, England: Inter-Varsity Press, 2000). See especially pp. 17–22. [^2]: If any of this strikes a chord with you and you want to take a deep dive on God’s unconditional love, I recommend the book, Gentle and Lowly, by Dane Ortland. I have been reading through it with a friend, and it has blessed my soul. Over and over, Ortland argues that Christ’s heart goes out more (not less!) to those who are struggling with sin and suffering. Dwelling on this truth breeds assurance, because I cannot destroy a love that I didn’t precipitate and don’t maintain. Dane Ortland, Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2020). [^3]: Sally Lloyd-Jones, The Jesus Storybook Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2007). See John Dalyrmple’s review of the book here.

Five Questions to Ask Your Wife

John Dalrymple — Tue, 06 Sep 2022 06:00:00 GMT

One of the best ways you can care for your kids is by cultivating a healthy marriage. As a boy, knowing my parents were on the same page and that they loved each other brought a lot of stability and peace. While you may be committed to your marriage, you also need to be committed to knowing and honoring your wife.

In 1 Peter 3:7 God commands husbands to, “live with your wives in an understanding way.” Here are five questions to regularly ask your wife that will help you understand her better.

1. How is your walk with God?

If you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church and “cleansed her with the washing of water with the word” (Eph. 5:25-26), you first need to know where she is in her relationship with God. Is she reading God’s Word? Is she increasing in her love for God? Does she take time to pray? How can you lead her spiritually, find a time to pray with her, or give her an opportunity without distractions to have a half hour to focus on time with God? [^1]

Recently, we put a clock in our boys’ room and taught them to stay in bed until a certain time, which has enabled my wife to have a more predictable time to focus on her relationship with God in the mornings. This has been one of the keys for her spiritual and emotional health. Your wife’s relationship with God has a big impact in your home.

2. What are your greatest burdens right now?

Women often have a remarkable capacity to empathize with people which can lead to them carrying many heavy burdens. Instead of waiting for your wife to overflow with the pressures and burdens on her heart, initiate that conversation and ask her about her concerns inside and outside the home.

Do your best to ask more questions and don’t attempt to resolve or remove the issue until you fully understand the burden and have prayed about it together.

3. How are we doing with communication?

You can’t understand your wife unless you communicate with her…a lot. You might think you are doing well with communication but unless you ask her, you might be deceiving yourself. Remember that communication is not one-directional. Listening to her is essential, but it’s also important to ask thoughtful follow-up questions that show you’re trying to understand her.

Text and call regularly and spontaneously to let her know you are thinking of her and notify her when your plans change and you’ll be home later than expected. It has often been observed that couples seem to “read each other’s minds” as they grow older, but don’t assume you always know what she’s thinking or that she knows what you’re thinking. Ask questions and listen.

4. How can I make you feel more cherished?

Remember that your wife is not the same woman you married. We all change with each day and life event which is why continuing to “study” or “date” your wife is so important.

I was amazed after a few years of marriage to discover that my wife’s “love languages” had shifted! After having children, my wife’s appreciation for acts of service increased dramatically. If you are looking for a good starter list of 31 ways you can help your wife, check out this great post by John Pate.

5. Is there anything that you’d like me to start or stop doing?

This is possibly the most challenging and humbling question to ask, but it is nonetheless important. If you do ask this question, make a predetermined commitment not to give explanations or excuses. Instead, dig deeper by asking questions. Demonstrate to your wife that she can confront you without receiving a defensive response.

When is the best time to ask these questions? Consider taking your wife out on a date once a month or choosing a regular time each month to talk in the evening.

Remember that these are just a sampling of the types of questions you could ask your wife. It’s also helpful to regularly ask about your spouse’s health, her dreams, and how she feels about the family’s finances and priorities. Take a notebook with you, jot down her answers as she shares, and then repeat back to her what you have written down to ensure that you have understood her well. At the end of your list of questions, take time to pray together and ask God for help. Honor her responses by regularly reviewing what she said and acting on it.

May God help us to live with our wives in an understanding way so that He would be pleased and our families would flourish!

[^1]: While you can’t wait to ask her these questions until you have mastered a personal Bible reading and prayer routine, you will want to ensure that you are asking these questions with a spirit of humility, acknowledging that you need to grow in these spiritual disciplines as well. Gently lead by example and offer help to allow her to spend time with God, not because she needs to check off a spiritual to-do list, but because our spiritual health requires time spent with our heavenly Father in prayer and feeding on His word.

The First 30 Seconds of Your Day

John Pate — Tue, 30 Aug 2022 00:00:00 GMT

My children have an interesting morning routine. Before their eyelids even open and the fog of sleep has lifted—they yell. It’s very interesting. Sometimes, it’s a friendly yell, and sometimes it’s a cry of anguish. Sometimes, it’s at 7 AM. Sometimes, it’s much, much earlier.

Typically the content of the yell is the same: “DADDY!!!!”

It’s a bit unnerving at times, particularly if I’m not quite awake yet. Once I arrive at their bedside, they will proceed to tell me about the last couple seconds of their dream or they’ll make sure that I know this is a morning we are NOT having eggs. Or they want me to know that they are just too tired, and they’d like to stay in their bed. (Yes, you and me both!)

There have been times when I’ve found myself a little frustrated by this routine. I wish they knew they don’t have to start their day by yelling my name. They can just crawl out of bed and yawn their way to the breakfast table, and we won’t even have to talk about it!

A Good Instinct

But, I have begun to realize that my kids are on to something. It’s actually a pretty good instinct. Before they start their day, before anything goes wrong, they need to talk to their dad.

And the same goes for you and me. It’s easy for dads to roll out of bed and stumble toward the mountain of tasks and problems that await us without asking our heavenly Father for help.

Perhaps we would do well to start our day by yelling, “DADDY!!!!”

In fact, God longs for us to do this! He is not frustrated by early morning cries. When Jesus (who knows the Father quite well) was instructing His disciples in prayer, He told them to begin with “Father…” (Luke 11:2). Just let that sink in for a second. God is inviting you to call Him your Father. He wants you to do it early, and He wants you to do it often (1 Thess. 5:18). Unlike human fathers, He is not annoyed by our persistence. He welcomes it! (See Luke 11:5–13.)

Early Morning Cries

In the Psalms we find that early morning was primetime for fervent prayer. Take a moment to read through these heartfelt cries:

Psalm 5:3

O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.

Psalm 59:16

But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.

Psalm 88:13

But I, O LORD, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you.

Psalm 90:14

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Psalm 92:1–2

It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night,

Even Jesus, God Incarnate, did this.

Mark 1:35 And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.

Here’s the truth. If we try to conquer the challenges of a day equipped only with our own resources and a stiff cup of coffee, we will fail. He said so Himself: “Apart from me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Only by seeking His face and abiding in Him can we “bear much fruit.”

A 30 Day Challenge

So how do we do this?

When I was in high school, I was encouraged to learn to start each day with God, to take a few moments to acknowledge him and ask for His grace before getting out of bed. Interestingly, I was much more faithful at that practice when the pressures and cares in my life were minimal. Now that the stakes are high and life is a whirlwind, it is much easier to neglect this important routine.

So here’s a challenge. For the next thirty days, aim to spend thirty seconds in prayer the moment you wake up. If a child happens to wake you up, go ahead and pray with them!

I would encourage you to pray what is on your heart, but here is an idea for the kind of prayer you might pray.

“Father, as I begin this day, I come to you because you are good and I need you. You have blessed me in more ways than I can count, so I begin this day by acknowledging and blessing you.

Because you are my Creator, help me to glorify you in everything I do and say today.

Because you are my God, help me to love you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength today.

Because you are my King, help me to seek first the kingdom of God today.

Because you are my Father, help me to come to you in time of need today.

Because you are my Savior, I now present my body as a living sacrifice to you.

You made this day and planned everything in it, so help me “rejoice and be glad in it”—no matter what unexpected circumstances I face.

I pray this through the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen

Don’t ever forget that your Father wants you to come before Him. Through the finished work of Jesus, He is calling you to “draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith” (Heb. 10:22). You can do this anywhere! You can even do this in your bed.

Teach Your Children to Resolve Conflict

Chris Pennington — Tue, 16 Aug 2022 14:36:46 GMT

“When you have one person in a house, how many sinners are in the house?” I asked my oldest child. “One,” she answered. “And when you have five people in a house?” “Five!”

When we had our second child, I don’t think I anticipated how much of my time would be spent playing peacemaker.

While my kids generally get along with each other, each new child adds one more conflict point. And five conflict points make for regular conflict!

My Selfish Default

If I have a default pitfall as a dad, it’s prioritizing my comfort over everything else. What really gets in the way of my comfort? Kids screaming at each other.

When the fighting and screaming starts, I respond with one thought: What’s the quickest way to get the fighting to stop?

What’s the problem with this approach? It often bypasses growth in my kids and leads to me “fixing” all the problems. It’s like a parent who practically gives their child the answers to the homework so “we can just go to bed.” It’s a dangerous habit that makes for stunted growth.

Five Steps for Conflict Resolution

So how do you teach your children to resolve their own conflicts? Let me offer five brief directives.

1. Teach your children the Bible.

The Bible gives both accurate descriptions of sin and biblical solutions to it. Both are important.

Teach your children to use biblical words to describe their sin (e.g., “anger” or ”lying”). This may seem like a basic step, but we so often use softened words to describe our own sins.

The Bible provides specific instruction for conflict resolution, particularly in the book of Proverbs, so memorize key passages together as a family to equip your children.[^1]

2. Teach your children how to analyze conflict.

One passage is particularly extremely practical for conflict resolution. And it’s easy enough for a four year-old to understand.

James 4:1–2 says,

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.

James identifies the central trouble in our conflict: warring desires. There are two ways your desires can fight with others: having what you don’t want or wanting what you don’t have.

So I’ve taught my children to ask those two questions (which are really the same question from different angles):

What do I have that I don’t want?
What do I want that I don’t have?

Calling out the central point of conflict is crucial to biblical resolution, as it brings the core motivation for conflict out into the light.

3. Teach your children to sit and pray.

When I find myself responding in anger with my children, I often go into another room, sit, and pray. The time alone with God is re-centering and calming.

Teach your children to do the same! At first, I’d show my kids what to do. I’d split them up, give them 3–4 minutes with a book or a toy, and then (once they were calm) help them each pray and ask for God’s help to have peace with the other before returning to conflict resolution.

Those few moments do wonders! After a few times, my kids picked up on the pattern and could practice the routine by themselves.

4. Teach your children to ask questions.

Conflict so often explodes because we assume others’ motives or scream out commands. Teaching your children to ask questions first gives them the tools to navigate conflict.[^2]

For example, let’s say one child is playing with a Nintendo Switch and pauses to use the restroom. Your other child enters the room and starts playing, only to be confronted by the first.

Here are a few questions one or both of your children could ask:

”Did you know I was playing with the Switch?”
“When will you be done with your turn? Can I play with it after you?”
“Can I have the controller back?”
“I was in the middle of the game and you lost my place. That hurt my feelings. Did you mean to hurt me?"

By asking questions (rather than making these same inquiries as statements), your children are leaning into resolution. I often ask my kids, “Was that a question or a statement?” Asking questions first gives conflict resolution room to work.

5. Teach your children to fight for peace.

This final principle is often the most difficult as a parent. Make your children struggle through conflict to peace without your constant intervention.[^3]

What does this look like practically? I will often tell my kids, ”I’d like you both to go up to your room and figure out what the problem is and how to fix it. I’ll be up in a few moments to check on you. If you solve it before then, come back down and we’ll talk about it. If you can’t solve it, we’ll come up with a solution together.”

My six and four year-old can often come to a resolution without my intervention when prompted and given the chance. Then I get to “debrief” with them afterwards and ensure there is true resolution.

If the conflict seems especially sharp, I will sometimes preface the conversation with a shared consequence (e.g., “If you can’t come to peace, you will both lose your dessert tonight after dinner.”). A little motivation for peace can be healthy.

Concluding Thoughts

Teaching your children to resolve conflict is difficult because it takes time, energy, and investment. And I like my comfort.

But in the long run, children who have practiced peace-making become adult peacemakers.

”If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18)

[^1]: Here are a few key passages: Proverbs 10:12; Proverbs 12:18, 20; Proverbs 15:1, 18; Proverbs 16:7; Proverbs 17:9, 14; Proverbs 19:11; Proverbs 20:3; Proverbs 21:23; Proverbs 24:29; Proverbs 25:21–22; Proverbs 29:20. [^2]: Generally speaking, “what,” “how,” and “when” questions are best. “Why” questions are often not questions, but accusations. [^3]: Of course, sometimes you’ll need to step in and provide guidance, but your kids really do need to wrestle through conflict to peace.

How to Pray for Your Children

Andy Gleiser — Tue, 09 Aug 2022 00:00:00 GMT

“We must never cease to pray for our children until they cease to breathe. No case is hopeless while Jesus lives.” (Charles H. Spurgeon)

Do you pray for your children? What do those prayers look like? I confess that often in the busyness of life, my prayers for my kids look something like microwaved leftovers. I hastily enter God's presence and almost absent-mindedly breathe a well-worn request I haven't really meditated on. I have prayed, but I haven't been very intentional in my prayer. I said words. I meant them. But I didn't give them much thought.

I have no desire to place undue guilt on any Christian father. Who among us would not be the first to admit he should do better in prayer? So allow me to share what God has been teaching me so far in intentionally praying for the children God has given to me.

The apostle Paul spoke of his love for the Christians in Thessalonica as a family love. He nourished them as a mother does her babies. He encouraged them as a father does his children. He was “affectionately desirous of them.” So when he speaks of his prayers for them, he is praying from a spiritual parent's heart. Listen in to his intercession for his spiritual children, and draw four principles in praying for your own children.

1. Pray with gratitude (1 Thess. 3:9)

Paul thanked the Lord for all He had been doing in the lives of the Thessalonian Christians. The Holy Spirit had turned them from idols to serve the living and true God. And Paul's heart overflowed with gratitude for God's work of grace.

Before you bring any request to God for your son or daughter, pause to reflect on His gracious work in his or her life. Look for where they are becoming more like Christ, and thank God for that. You will begin to see your child as God does, a work in progress. This will put you in the proper mindset for the petitions to come.

2. Pray with frequency (1 Thess. 3:10)

The great apostle had ongoing times of prayer for the Thessalonians. He was in Corinth (Acts 18) when he wrote this letter, so during those busy days, he found time to pray for those he loved.

Regularly bring your child's name to the Lord in prayer. You may have prolonged seasons of prayer, but I would encourage you to frequently bring them to Christ during your busy days. Morning showers, work commutes, lunch breaks, afternoon walks, and waiting lines are all times to be redeemed as prayer for those you love. Pray for them also in their hearing. Let them know their dad cares enough to keep praying for them.

3. Pray with precision (1 Thess. 3:10, 12-13)

I cannot take the time to fully explain these verses, but let me bottom-line it. Paul specifically prayed for the Thessalonian Christian's faith, love, and holiness. He pleaded with God that He might perfect their faith, increase their love, and establish their holiness.

No longer do you need to scratch your head about what to pray for your children. First, point out to the Lord where you see deficiencies in their walk of faith, and plead for the Holy Spirit to work in that area. Secondly, request Him to fill your children with His own love that will soon spill out from them to others. Finally, bring their need of Christlike holiness to the Lord so that He might establish their behavior as blameless in the eyes of God. FAITH. LOVE. HOLINESS. Pray with precision. Leave generic prayer behind.

4. Pray with dependence (1 Thess. 3:11)

Though Paul had been banished from Thessalonica, his prayer was that God would open a door for him to return so he might have further ministry in their lives. A spirit of dependence on God alone breathes over these prayer requests.

“Heavenly Father, in Jesus’ name, I thank You for your work of grace in my children's lives. And You know this is not the first time I have brought them to You. I ask that You perfect them in these areas of deficiency, grow their love for You and others, and ground them in holy behavior for Your glory. If there is to be any change into Christlikeness, it will be entirely because of You. I give them to You in love. Amen.”

Let us step it up in the area of prayer. Our children are worth it.

Three Battles to Fight for Personal Bible Study

Caleb French — Tue, 02 Aug 2022 00:00:00 GMT

We often see products—toothpaste, bandages, vitamins—labeled for “double” or “triple protection.” This claim, even if it seems gimmicky, is founded on the truth that damage can come from multiple sources. In fact, the most deceptive forms of decay come from multiple sources, incrementally and simultaneously engaged.

Spiritual disciplines similarly suffer when multiple challenges converge on the same habit. I asked a group of young adults recently, “If we don’t spend focused time studying God’s Word as we should, why not?” I heard many insightful answers, but they boiled down to three general categories:[^1]

We don’t want to. Our desire for God and His Word has waned, and we aren’t deeply, desperately motivated to pursue Him in His Word. This is a motivation problem. And if we are honest, we have all cycled through this condition in life more than once.
We are “too busy.” Our hectic lives and urgent work always seem to edge out our quiet time with God. Or sometimes that life chaos follows us into our time with God so that we can’t focus on His Word when we want to. This is essentially a schedule problem; we haven’t structurally protected our time with God, even if we have good intentions.
We don’t quite know how. Some believers haven’t developed the skills of personal Bible study and prayer. Even seasoned saints can let their skills atrophy. What should I be looking for, and how do I find it? How do I know I’m “done” with a passage? As eager as our hearts might be to benefit from God’s Word, we struggle at times with method.

Most of the particular enemies in the “fight for devotions” fit into one of these major categories. But which of these problems need the most attention? On which “front” should we do battle if we want to protect our communion time with God in an ever-shifting and unpredictable life?

The answer is, “Yes.”

What if your life schedule has ticked up a notch and your desire for the Word has cooled and you’re rusty on your Bible study methods? If we hope to protect our daily time with God, we must keep up the fight on all three fronts. We must get “triple protection” for our time with God if we hope the habit will last.

Front 1: Guard Your Heart

This front is deliberately listed first. While we’ll talk soon about scheduling and methodology, I do believe our biggest problems in the struggle to study the Bible are “desire problems.” We lack the motivation that will drive us to form (or reform) the habit or learn (or relearn) the skill. Scripture says the “issues of life” rise up from “the heart,” the center of our core desires and loves (Proverbs 4:23). The heart leads the will. We always do what we desire most.

So what does it look like to “guard our heart” from a decreased desire for the Word? Or, positively, how do we increase our motivation to study the Bible?

First, ask God to deepen your desire for Him in His Word. Psalm 119:36 contains such a prayer: “Turn my heart to your decrees.” If you want to want God’s Word more, ask your Lord to change your heart!

But second, consider what God has said directly and repeatedly about the uniqueness, power, and benefit of His Word. God does invite us into His Word with a spiritual logic of benefit. Here are a few of the reasons God invites us to meditate on His Word:

It is His direct, complete message to man (1 Timothy 3:16; 2 Peter 1:20–21).
It speaks of Jesus, our Savior and Model (2 Timothy 3:15).
It is the Spirit’s agent of supernatural growth in good works (Psalm 1:1–3; 2 Corinthians 3:18; 2 Timothy 3:15–17).

Is your desire for God’s Word waning? Is your motivation low? Ask Him, again and again, for an increased hunger for the Bible! Then deliberately meditate on its wonders and benefits–and do it often! Keep your desires for God’s Word well-nurtured.

Front 2: Plan Your Time

But actually, we have another kind of influence over our hearts as well—and it has a lot to do with scheduling. One of the most common reasons we cite for our minimal focused time in God’s Word is that we can’t seem to find the time. Maybe you’ve had this inner dialogue with yourself: “When in my crazy-busy day does Bible study fit? Where in my house is it actually quiet enough and distraction-free for real meditation on the Bible? Where in my life is there room for Bible study?”

This front in the fight is significant, since the functional structure of our daily lives will always win out over our best intentions. Our habits do shape our hearts! That means the less we get of the Word, the less we’ll want of it. We have to carve out the time.

Remember as you pull out your schedule that our God promises we always have everything we need in order to do what He would have us to do (Matthew 6:33; 2 Corinthians 9:8; Philippians 4:19). Know that, as a norm, God has given you all the time (and the place) you need to meet Him in His Word.

Then get practical! How have you been doing with your bedtime? How much time do you want to plan for in the Word? Do you need to get up earlier to avoid distraction? Is your alarm too easy to turn off? What other time commitments (or “time guzzlers”) will have to shrink in order for your time with God to thrive?

Have a gameplan. Move whatever needs to move. Give place to the Word in your schedule. As life responsibilities shift, keep fighting on Front 2.

Front 3: Sharpen Your Skills

But Front 3 might need a refresh, as well. Life-change through Bible study is both a miracle of illumination and a skill we can hone. The Holy Spirit is the essential Agent of the Scriptures for spiritual understanding (1 Corinthians 2:12–14). And yet we can and should grow in our skill with the Scriptures.

The author of Hebrews assumes this when he reprimands believers who have not developed the skill of understanding and applying God’s Truth to life (Hebrews 5:11–14). God is also telling us some important principles about the role of skill in studying the Bible:

Skill with God’s Word is possible. If the writer says they should have a skill they do not already possess, developing that skill is possible. We are not hopelessly bound to lack of skill with the Scriptures; it’s something we can develop.
Skill with God’s Word develops over time. The author is reprimanding these believers for not having this skill yet. There was a time when these believers weren’t expected to have a teacher-worthy handle on the Scriptures. Skill with God’s Word is not immediate or automatic. Bible study takes time to learn. But it’s something we can—and should—develop as a part of our growth in Christ.
Skill with God’s Word comes with practice. How do you develop the skill of studying the Bible and applying it with discernment to your choices? Well, you study the Bible and apply it with discernment to your choices. You learn the skill by doing it.

We won’t delve here into specific skills for personal Bible study. Those resources are easy to come by, if you decide to seek them out. Ask a seasoned believer, a friend, or a pastor, “What are some ways you interact with God’s Word that help you understand and apply it?” Get a book on personal Bible study. Better yet, get together with a brother (or older brother, or father) in Christ to brush the dust off of your Bible study techniques. Once you know what you’re doing, you’ll be much more likely to keep your daily appointment with God’s Word. Hone your skills. Re-hone your skills. Fight on Front 3.

Conclusion

If we hope to be godly leaders, we must be men of the Book. Do you have triple protection for your time in God’s Word? If we hope to win this battle, we’ll need to fight on three fronts. Let’s continually submit our hearts and schedules to the Lord, and continue to gear up with the right tools and techniques to profit from His Word (2 Timothy 3:16). And God’s Spirit will do His work in us through the Scriptures!

[^1]: A fourth category given was that known sin can keep us from God’s Word, which we know would be a source of conviction. That’s true! This article assumes we are walking in repentance and obedience.

Dads, Don’t Forget to Pray!

Chris Lynch — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 00:00:00 GMT

When most young kids look at their dads, they see strength. They see a fountain of seemingly infinite knowledge. They see someone who always seems to know what to do. He can fix anything. He has the answers. He’s the smartest, strongest, and most capable human they know.

Oh, how wrong they are! Those of us who are dads know the opposite is often true. Being a dad can be the most confounding, most challenging, and most uncertain task imaginable. Dads often don’t have the answers. We don’t know what to do. We can’t fix problems. We’re lacking in wisdom and strength; we’re wholly incapable of fulfilling our role as fathers.

Significant decision points, challenging parenting situations, and discouraging circumstances all serve to remind us that we have limits. And if you are like me, your first instinct is to do one of two things: either freak out or dive right into whatever the challenge is, just to get it done and behind you. But you and I actually need help. Desperately.

For Dads who don’t have it all together…

That’s all of us. We need access to strength, wisdom, power, and enablement far beyond what we can muster. And if you are a Christ-follower, there’s one thing you must do first—before freaking out, before tackling that issue with a misbehaving child, before leading your family through dealing with that disappointing news.

Dads, pray. It’s something we all know we should do. It’s something we all believe in. But regularly the first action we should take is the last thing we even think about. This article has a simple, basic, foundational point, but this truth could transform our actions as fathers and leaders of our homes.

This past week, I read the prayer in Nehemiah 1 for the first time in a while. That led me to a broader focus on the way this Old Testament man prayed—how he prayed, when he prayed, and the primacy he put on praying in the midst of the challenges he faced. Daily. Naturally. Habitually. I trust these seven simple approaches below will be ones we can utilize as well, by God’s grace.

Applying Nehemiah’s Approach to Prayer

Nehemiah had a burden. He was burdened for his people. He was concerned for them. He was fearful of the challenges he would face were he to help them. So he prayed. When there seemed to be nothing else he could do, he prayed.

There is no hint in Nehemiah’s context about his approach as a father. But all the weaknesses we have as dads are present here in his situation (at least generally) because being a fallen human in need of divine help is universal! So read Nehemiah’s story (especially Chapter 1) and see the simple yet profound approach to prayer that by God’s grace we can emulate.

Pray with humble brokenness.

In 1:4 and 1:6-7 Nehemiah approaches God with a fundamental acknowledgement of need. He knew his own weakness. He knew of the sin present in him and his people. He knew of their complete unworthiness to approach Almighty God for help. He readily admitted the faults that made him unworthy. He came confessing sin. We must as fathers come to God in prayer with the same approach. “I am broken—for myself and my family. I need forgiveness and grace, even as they do. I have failed them, but even more foundationally I have failed you. And I come as one unworthy of your help.”

Pray the praises of God.

This is a prayer of supplication—Nehemiah needs something from God. But where does he start in 1:5-6? He starts by recounting God’s great character, not going to his list of demands. Praising God in our prayers for our own needs is an act of worship that brings God pleasure, but it also feeds the humility we just saw above. It reminds us that he is indeed the Source of help we need, because he is unlimited in his power and faithful love—exactly what we need in whatever we are facing.

Pray the Word of God.

1n 1:8-9 Nehemiah recounts God’s revelation—what God has said—in his prayer. I would encourage you to pray God’s Word back to him when you are overwhelmed in your fatherly duties. Recount to him his promises of presence or comfort, and give thanks that those truths are real. Verbalize his commands and your desire to obey; state his warnings and acknowledge your struggle to obey. One passage I often find myself recounting to God in prayer as I face parenting challenges is Philippians 1:6. “God, thank you that, in the heart of my redeemed children, you are at work. And no matter the challenge in their souls, you are not going to stop doing that work until you finish the job!” Pray his stated truth back to him!

Pray as God’s child.

Look at 1:10. Nehemiah is claiming his precious place as one of God’s people—his special chosen ones bought by him and to whom he is fully committed. God longs to hear your prayers and mine because of his steadfast love for us as his children. Even as you face burdens as a father with your children, he longs for you to come as a child to your Father with those burdens.

Pray for what you need.

This may go without saying, but praying for needs is clearly the thrust of Nehemiah’s prayer as he ends it in verse 11. God tells us to let our requests be made known to him (Phil 4:6)! He desires and commands us to bring our needs to him every day. Dads, we have many needs. We’ve rehashed them several times already! Take them to him.

Pray habitually.

Take your needs to him all the time. If you look in Neh. 2:4, he’s facing a fearful situation. He does not have time to lock himself away and have an extensive conversation with God like he did in Chapter 1. But here he shows this additional vital component of prayer—it’s to be habitual, spontaneous, automatic, and even impulsive. (This topic could stand alone as a blog post!) Pray first, pray at any time, pray always (Eph. 6:18).

There are many model prayers and passages that we could have visited to study this topic. But I find this example powerful in its simplicity and applicability for us as fathers in the face of our many weaknesses and needs. We need the help, strength, wisdom and grace our Father makes abundantly available. So ask him—do it first, and don’t stop!

Children Are a Blessing

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 19 Jul 2022 00:00:00 GMT

The recent Dobbs Decision (for which I thank God) has highlighted a major worldview divide in our country over whether abortion is ethical.[^1] However, beneath this ethical question, there is also a value judgment: are children a blessing or a curse?

Romans 12:2 commands Christians not to be conformed to this world’s way of thinking, but to renew our minds with Scripture. One area in which we are tempted to think like the world is in our attitude toward having children.

I am concerned that the world’s values regarding children are rubbing off on us Christians. Complaints and sarcastic comments about children (whether ours or somebody else’s) far too often roll off our tongues. We are even tempted to allow issues of finances and personal convenience to weigh heavily in our family planning decisions![^2]

My wife and I have four children ranging in age from two to nine. One of Elise’s least favorite aspects of pregnancy is the comments she gets while out shopping. “Wow, are they all yours?” “You’ve sure got your hands full, don’t you?” “You do know where babies come from, right?” The implication of these comments is clear: “You’re foolish to have so many children.”

But are we? What does the Bible say?[^3]

Psalm 127[^4]

“Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep….” (NASB)

Verse 1 emphasizes man’s dependence on God to produce anything of lasting value. Whether building or guarding, our efforts are in vain unless God is in it. The good news, according to v. 2, is that God is favorably inclined toward us (“His beloved”), so we can relax and rest!

The last line in v. 2 is especially hard to translate. It could read either, “He gives sleep to His beloved” (NKJV, ESV, NIV) or “He gives to His beloved in his sleep” (NASB, NET; emphasis mine). The decision reduces to interpretation preference, as both translations are grammatically acceptable. I tend to favor the second translation, because it fits the flow of thought better.

If I am correct, then Solomon (the author) may be thinking of one of the greatest gifts he ever received––his wisdom––which God gave him in a dream while he slept (2 Kings 3:1-15; 2 Chron 1:7-12). This background is especially probable since Solomon was also called “Jedidiah,” which means, “Beloved of the LORD” (2 Sam 12:25). In a very “Ecclesiastes moment,” Solomon is reflecting on the fact that the best things in life are often gifts that God gives.

“What does this have to do with children?”, you ask? Enter the second half of the psalm.

“…Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3–5, NASB)

Solomon’s ultimate example of good gifts God gives apart from our efforts is… children! Seen in this light, the phrase “while he sleeps” from v. 3 may be a reference not only to God’s gift to Solomon of wisdom but also to the miracle of conception. Children are the good gift God gives while we sleep!

Read the psalm again and mark each description of children. Children are…

Gifts (v. 2)
An inheritance (v. 3) – The word translated “gift” in v. 4 in the NASB is literally the Hebrew word for “inheritance” (emphasizes both the value of the gift and the sense of responsibility to steward it well).
A reward (v. 3) – This Hebrew word is also translated “wage” in many instances. Children are the payoff after a long day’s (or lifetime’s) work.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior (v. 4) – As parents look out for young children, so grown children look out for their parents.
A blessing (v. 5)

It is tempting to downplay these principles as remnants of an agrarian society in which children were needed to work the land. However, notice that the way in which children function as arrows in this passage is by “speaking with the enemies in the gate.” In those days, the city gate was the place where legal or financial disputes were settled. So the kinds of matters adult children are pictured as handling in this psalm are still relevant to today.

What do we take away from this psalm? We must agree with God that children are a blessing. If we do, then we will adopt these attitudes and implications.

Refuse to complain about children, whether ours or somebody else’s.
Enter marriage with an openness toward having children.
Be willing to have a larger family if the Lord wills.[^5]
Rejoice when God blesses us with another child.[^6]
Sacrifice our time and energy to support parents and care for needy children in our communities.[^7]

Psalm 127 is just as true today as it was the day it was written. Children are a blessing!

[^1]: The Christian, pro-life position regarding abortion is that life begins at conception (Ps 139:13-14). Because every human being is made in God’s image (Gen 1:27), governments must defend human life, including the lives of the unborn (Gen 9:6). The secular, pro-choice position is that access to an abortion is a woman’s fundamental right and an important part of reproductive healthcare. That position contends that terminating a pregnancy is ethically unproblematic because the fetus should not be considered a person. [^2]: Some Christians consider not just abortion but also artificial birth control to be unethical. Although this is not my conviction, it is not an unreasonable idea either. The fact that the Catholic Church takes this position evidences the fact that a rejection of artificial birth control is no stranger to the Judaeo-Christian worldview. [^3]: If approached with the right mindset, these interactions can be a great opportunity to be “salt and light” in our community by mentioning how thankful to God we are for our children! [^4]: Psalm 127 is perhaps the clearest biblical affirmation of the goodness of God’s created order as it relates to mothers and fathers having children. However, it is certainly not the only place in the Bible where that truth is taught. The consistent witness of Scripture is that children are a blessing. [^5]: The decision to attempt having another child is always an act of faith. “What if there are complications with the pregnancy?” “What if we miscarry?” “Can we handle the stress of a newborn?” “How will we pay for diapers?” Depending on the situation, some of these concerns may be legitimate while others may not. Consider the fact that in Bible times, the birth rate was higher than it is in the U.S., even though the people were less prosperous and had little healthcare! That said, having God’s mindset toward children does not obligate a couple to have as many children as possible. For instance, I believe that a couple may legitimately choose to practice family planning for the sake of health or ministry without feeling guilty about that decision. However, selfishness or fear are never good reasons to have fewer children. Much wisdom and prayer is needed in weighing the circumstances and evaluating our own motivations. Not every Christian family will be large. However, based on what the Bible teaches about children, I would contend that Christians should generally have more children than their secular counterparts. (For information on the correlation between secularism and the falling birthrate, see this article by Phillip Jenkins.) [^6]: Some people reading this article may be discouraged because God has not blessed you with children or with as many children as you desire. Spurgeon’s notes in his commentary, The Treasury of David are helpful here. Spurgeon reminds his readers that “a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of children that he possesseth” and that the father of spiritual children is happy too (C. H. Spurgeon, The Treasury of David: Psalms 120-150, vol. 6 (London; Edinburgh; New York: Marshall Brothers, n.d.), 86.). We must also remember that in the church, God has blessed us with many non-biological fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, and grandchildren (Mark 10:29–30). Of course, these considerations do not remove the heartache associated with infertility and other physical limitations, but God’s grace is sufficient (2 Cor 12:9). [^7]: For instance, you could serve in nursery or some other children’s ministry at your church, invite a family with young kids over for dinner or volunteer to watch their kids so the parents can go on a date night, help coach a Little League team, get involved in foster care, volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center, etc.

Three Reasons Not to Yell at Your Kids

John Pate — Tue, 05 Jul 2022 00:00:00 GMT

We’ve all seen that family in the snack aisle of the grocery store. The children are obviously out of control—grabbing, pulling, screaming, biting. The parent is seeking to maintain a semblance of control, speaking in hushed, over-enunciated whispers, as if, by whispering, the rest of the store won’t notice that there’s a major storm brewing in aisle 6.

But we all know it’s coming.

At some point, the iniquity of the children will be complete, and the parent will begin to yell. He won’t care that we’re all watching or that he hadn’t thought through what he was going to say or that his kids aren’t paying attention. An onlooker might even assume he had no choice. Those rascals forced his hand. He had to yell!

Before we had kids, we might have looked with pity or disdain on this poor man. “I will never yell at my children.” But after having children, at some point, that day comes—the day when it’s all just too much. And we yell.

And that’s a problem. Unfortunately, for many dads, yelling becomes a habit. Perhaps we are tempted to justify it. “If I don’t yell, my children won’t listen to me.” I think we all know, however, that yelling “[provokes] your children to anger” more than it “[brings] them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Here are three reasons why Christian dads should not yell[^1] at our kids.

1. There is way too much to yell about.

Think about it. If we were to yell about everything “yell-worthy,” we would be yelling all the time. Your five-year old turns up the thermostat to 85 degrees when you’re not looking, nearly cooking your family alive. Your 6th grader forgets to ask you for help with her year-end science project until you are literally saying “good night” the evening before it is due. Not to mention the gallons of spilled milk that have graced your kitchen floor.

Family life is a roller-coaster. But it’s too long of a roller-coaster to yell the whole time. As dads, part of our job is to turn down the heat in our home. When “yell-worthy” moments arise, strive to slow down and speak softly.

2. Your children need to know the value of your words.

Words are important, especially a dad’s words. When you yell, you are demonstrating that it is not the content, but rather the volume of your speech, that requires a response from your children. A child will never express it this way, but he may begin to realize, “I don’t really have to listen to dad—until he’s yelling.”

Your children need to know that when you (their authority) quietly tell them once to put away their toys,[^2] they need to pay attention and obey. Because of your God-given authority as a dad, your words are too important for you to yell.

3. You speak on behalf of God.

And that brings us to the final, and most important, reason you and I should not yell at our kids. Throughout the Bible, we find that parents are to represent God to our children by the way we speak.[^3] If you do a quick word search, you’ll find that God doesn’t shout very much. He speaks.[^4]

God doesn’t need to shout because He is all-powerful. He spoke, and the universe came into existence. He also doesn’t become sinfully angry. He is slow to anger and abundant in compassion and love.[^5]

This powerful, loving God wants to speak to your children, and He has chosen you to represent Him! This reality includes not only your words, but also your tone and even your volume.

Only Jesus Christ, through His Holy Spirit, can transform and consecrate your words to reflect the character of God. So, if you are wondering how in the world you are going to change the way you interact with your children, I would encourage you to stop right now and ask Him for His grace.

The God who chose you to represent Him to your children is ready and eager to help!

[^1]: Obviously, we are using the word “yell” to refer to angry shouting out of displeasure with our children. There are definitely times Dads should yell—when our children’s safety demands it or when we are celebrating our child’s victory, to name a couple. [^2]: One quick caveat here: although we want our children’s knee-jerk reaction to our commands to be obedience, it is hard for any of us (adults included) to “turn on a dime.” At this point, I’d like to refer you to something Daniel Tiger’s dad often says to Daniel, “It’s almost time to stop, so find one more thing to do.” He may be an unrealistically nice tiger sometimes, but that really is quite helpful. [^3]: See Genesis 18:19; Deuteronomy 6:7; Psalm 78:6; and Ephesians 6:4. [^4]: Many of the instances where God does shout are poetic depictions of His victory over evil using war imagery (a “battle shout”). [^5]: See Exodus 34:6.

Do You Have a Biblical Understanding of Sin?

Chris Pennington — Tue, 21 Jun 2022 00:00:00 GMT

A few years back, a teenager asked me a theological question after church: “Would God send someone to hell if they only ever committed one sin? And what if that sin was a small one—like saying an unkind word to a sibling?”

Well, how would you answer?

Most questions aren’t neutral; they carry assumptions that color our answers. And that’s the case here. Addressing the question requires bringing those assumptions out into the light.

At first glance, the question that teenager asked may seem to expose God as petty. But at its heart, the question betrays a deep misunderstanding of sin, people, and God himself. What exactly is sin? And how should we teach our children about it?

What is sin?

Simply put, sin is failing to conform to God’s moral will. The Bible generally divides sin into two categories: committed and omitted. In simple terms, sinning is the doing of a bad deed or the omitting of a good one.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Psalm 51:1–3

Committing unrighteousness

God loves word pictures because they communicate to people so well. One of the words for sin in the Bible carries the idea of “crossing a line.” When we cross over some boundary God has set, in other words, God describes that as “sin” (Rom 5:19; 1 Jn 3:4).

Omitting righteousness

God uses another group of words for sin which communicate the other side of sin: “missing the mark.”

Here we shouldn’t think of an accidental slip up or a genuine attempt that falls short, but of intentional and willful neglect to do God’s will (Jam 2:8–10, Jam 4:17). My pastor describes this as “intentionally hitting the batter,” a willful miss of the strike zone.

Why do people sin?

The Bible is clear in answering this question, though the truth is hard to hear and believe. We sin because we are sinners (Rom 3:23). Something inside us is broken, so we break God’s laws.

Our sin nature may seem like an obvious point, but it's one we often neglect in our parenting. We don’t ultimately sin because of bad forces outside of us (the world, the devil, bad friends, etc.). We sin because our hearts are sinful. Jesus put it this way:

“… evils come from within, and these are what defile a man.” (Mt 7:18–23)

That’s not to say outside forces don’t influence us for evil! James teaches that our hearts magnetize to outside evil, but it’s the heart’s desire that is the central problem.

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. (James 1:14)

Who do people sin against?

Of all the teaching in the Bible about sin, this might be the most important. The Bible unequivocally states that every sin is first and foremost a sin against the Eternal God.

Sin is often against other people, but sin is always and chiefly against God. In other words, sin is never like “breaking a school rulebook” because we never sin against a decree only. Every sin is against a person, the Person of God.

Let me prove that to you biblically. The Bible repeatedly claims that even big horizontal sins are first and foremost sins against God.

When Abimelech almost sleeps with Sarah, God says to him in a dream:

“…it was I who kept you from sinning against me” (Genesis 20:6, emphasis mine).

When Joseph rejects Potiphar’s wife’s advances, he states:

“How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9, emphasis mine)

When David kills a man and takes his wife, he rightly orients the sin as chiefly and primarily being against God himself, so much so that he says:

“Against you, you only, have I sinned.” (Psalm 51:4, emphasis mine)

These shocking statements teach us something essential to the biblical understanding of sin. Sin is always and primarily against the Eternal God.

Why sinning against God matters

We intuitively understand that the seriousness of sin is determined by two things: the sin committed and the person the sin is committed against.

Pushing a sibling is less serious than pushing a teacher. Striking a teacher is less serious than striking a police officer. Punching a police officer is less serious than punching the President.

In other words, a punch isn’t just a punch. The person sinned against has a great deal to do with the proper and just consequence.

Every commission of unrighteousness and omission of righteousness is not against a teacher, a police officer, or even the President. Every single sin is against the Eternal God and justly demands a God-sized, God-worthy punishment. God’s justice is perfectly measured to the magnitude of his nature.

How to teach children about sin

Let’s put all this together. How does this biblical picture of sin change your fatherly discipline?

When I discipline our children, I often ask them as series of questions:

“What did you do?”
“Who did you sin against?”
“Who is the most important person you sinned against?”
“What can be done to make it right?”

With the first question, I’m after full confession using biblical terms. “I hit my sister because I was angry at her.”

With the second, I want a reckoning with the true extent of the damage. “My sister, my mom, my dad, God, etc.”

Third, I want them to regularly and consistently see that every single sin is against the God of the universe. This is also a helpful reminder for me (i.e., Dad, you’re not the most important person sinned against).

This series of questions should bring us to this conclusion: we need to confess our sin and right the wrong. Because sin isn’t primarily about breaking a law code but about causing harm to a Person, however, there is a very real sense in which the answer to “What can be done to make it right?” is “nothing.”

What would you do to “make up” for a sin against a God? What eternal consequence could you offer to pay for sin against the Eternal God? Stopping here, however, is woefully incomplete. This question sets up the most beautiful story ever told.

God loved you while you were a sinner against him and sent Jesus to die in your place, to take your God-sized sin and to give you his God-sized righteousness. In other words, when properly reckoned with, sin leads us to the gospel story. Sin properly observed leads us to God because God chases after sinners to redeem and restore them.

The Big Picture Story Bible

Andy Gleiser — Tue, 07 Jun 2022 00:00:00 GMT

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When my three children were very young, a friend in our church gifted us a new book from Crossway called The Big Picture Story Bible by David Helm and illustrated by Gail Schoonmaker. Helm is currently senior pastor of Christ Church in Chicago, IL.

Initial Skepticism

Upon receiving the book, I promptly shelved it. I had been exposed to countless children’s Bible story books, many of which contained suspect or at least watered down theology. And with this book being 450 pages long, I wasn’t too keen to dive in.

As a pastor, I love and collect good books. When my oldest turned seven, I purchased a commentary on 2 Peter by a pastor I’d never heard of, David Helm. Whoa! Was it ever helpful to me in clearly and forcefully expositing the apostle Peter’s teaching. So imagine my delight when I put it together that the author of this theologically precise and helpful commentary had written a children’s Bible book––and I actually owned it all this time!

The Big Story Won Me Over

Now I am a fan of The Big Picture. Written for children ages 2-7, it retells in breathtaking simplicity and complexity the big story (or, for all my theological nerds, “metanarrative”) of the Bible. Helm tells many of the little stories of the Bible, but he purposefully focuses on the BIG STORY. Each little story serves only to highlight the big thing God is doing at that point in redemption history. All you need to know about Helm’s understanding of the Bible’s"storyline" can be found in the acknowledgments at the beginning of the book. According to Helm, the focus of the Bible is "God’s people in God’s place under God’s rule."

God had a people (Adam & Eve) in His place (Eden) under His rule. But they disobeyed God and were banished from God’s place. But on that very sad day, God promised a forever King who would create a new people for a new place under His new rule of grace and blessing.

This is the theme that continues throughout The Big Picture. Helm focuses on the Noahic, Abrahamic, Mosaic, and Davidic covenants in his retelling of the Old Testament, culminating in the New covenant spoken of by Ezekiel. This is what I mean by the simplicity and complexity of theology in this thick children’s book. Children of all ages can easily grasp the flow of progressive revelation presented in this volume. And to be honest, teens and parents can also greatly benefit from this sweeping narrative. It shows how the stories of the Bible connect to tell one big story. And you can see it all from 30,000 feet.

As he arrives in the New Testament (fully half of his book), Helm puts the spotlight on Jesus. He is the forever King promised. He is the One who rescues His people. He is the One who has become God’s temple. He is the One who brings blessing to all the peoples of the earth. In telling the story of Jesus, Helm largely draws from John’s Gospel, highlighting the deity of Christ. After the resurrection, Jesus is creating a new people, bringing them to a new place, where they will forever live under His gracious, new rule.

Insightful Questions

In telling the story, Helm often asks questions of the child. These questions not only advance the story but also cause the reader to interact with the feelings and motivations of the characters. I found the questions helpful and engaging. Wise parents can use these questions for discussion as they read with their child.

Supportive Illustrations

I would be remiss if I failed to acknowledge Schoonmaker’s beautiful artwork. She paints her characters and landscape in bold, vivid colors that are sure to arrest the attention of young children. Adults can discern little touches that add nuance to the story and make the picture pop. For example, in her illustration of Abraham and Sarah waiting long for the promised baby, Schoonmaker draws an elderly Sarah knitting baby clothes and socks as she sits by an empty bassinet. Emotions, fears, doubts, and the weariness of long anticipation with no baby color her face. Will God keep His promise? Schoonmaker’s paintings convey what words alone cannot say.

Of course, the Bible ends with Revelation, and so does The Big Picture. God’s people arrive in the New Jerusalem with Jesus. The whole story culminates in joy, peace, love, and satisfaction with our forever King. And as you turn to the last page, Helm asks all of us, "Can you believe it?" Here is his gospel invitation. Believe in Christ. Believe this story is true. Believe God. Will you do it now?

Don’t wait for your kids to grow up as I did before you have them read and re-read this excellent resource.

<Note variant='info'> Want more resources? View our <a href="/resources/" className="underline default-ring-accent">resources page</a> to see our other recommended resources for dads. </Note>

Tackle Your Family Schedule

Caleb French — Tue, 31 May 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Every household is busy in one way or another, if they’re doing things that matter. Perhaps there are families out there who are attempting to accomplish too little and could use a jump-start of sanctified ambition to “excel in…good work[s]” (2 Corinthians 9:8). But this article is for the rest of us, whose households easily and regularly cross an invisible threshold into “too busy.” Too busy to rest. Too busy to meditate. Too busy to worship.

What follows is one pathway to tackling a family schedule that has gotten out of control.

How We Get There

How do our families get “too busy”? Usually, accidentally but willingly. We don’t set out to be that “frenzy family” always on the brink of burnout. “But it’s just one more little commitment, one more itsy-bitsy ministry opportunity, one more teeny-weeny night this week.” And by twenty-seven one-more-thing’s, we find ourselves (and our wives and children) trapped in a frenetic family calendar fueled by adrenaline (that won’t last till Christmas) till next Christmas. Yet we went willingly. The choices that led us here were our own.

One reason we got here is by failing to see time as currency.

Time & Money

Time is a lot more like money than we think. First, we have it in limited quantity, and it’s always passing—like a bank account that loses $1.00 every 60 seconds. James reduces our entire lifespan to “vapor that appears for a little while, then vanishes” (James 4:14); Paul teaches that time must be “redeemed” or bought back (Ephesians 5:17). It may seem obvious that our family’s time is, by God’s design, limited in quantity. But then we fail to see how that extra commitment, that new role, that extra side job, will actually eat time on the calendar.

Second, just as He calls us to steward our money, God calls us explicitly to steward our time (Ephesians 5:17). Christians have typically applied God’s call to steward finances by budgeting—whether the budget has three categories or thirty. Yet, whereas household finance seems to get all the blog buzz and book lists, household “time budgeting” gets nary a cricket-chirp by comparison. Yet this currency, time, is every bit as important to steward.

The Time Budget

These truths suggest we could approach scheduling more like budgeting. Meet the “Time Budget.” Just as in budgeting we assign “a job for every dollar,” so in scheduling, we assign “a job for every hour” or time block. It’s about determining your family rhythms before you let the calendar fill up, and then populating the calendar within those parameters. Ready to take the bull by the horns and tackle the beast of an unruly family schedule?

Components

To build a weekly family schedule, we must first identify its component time blocks. Like monetary bill sizes, these components are fairly standard for any family. Though we tend to think one week is made up of 168 usable units (hours), functionally we have only about 35 distinct blocks of time in our week as a family—and for 7 longest blocks, we’re asleep!

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat
Sleep	Sleep	Sleep	Sleep	Sleep	Sleep	Sleep
Morning	Morning	Morning	Morning	Morning	Morning	Morning
Afternoon	Afternoon	Afternoon	Afternoon	Afternoon	Afternoon	Afternoon
Evening	Evening	Evening	Evening	Evening	Evening	Evening

</div>

Defining your blocks is like identifying your income for a budget. We all get the same amount, every week. Now, what will our budget categories be?

Value Scheduling

Here is the tough part. To what activities will you devote each block of time? Here is where your unique values as a family will come into play—and hopefully where you can purpose to lead your family in a schedule that honors God’s ways in your home. You and your wife will need to talk through and discuss this over time.

These scheduling steps are ideally sequential:

1. Schedule your “have-to’s.” Identify things beyond your control that have to be on your calendar, like work schedules, school day obligations, etc. (But beware. We usually have a few imposters in our “have-to” list that are not as essential or as necessarily long as we have always assumed.) Enter these on your calendar in the time blocks you have already established.

2. Schedule your sleep time. Protect this in your schedule now, or Steps 3 and 4 will encroach upon this need for rest! Enter these sleep blocks on your calendar.

3. Schedule your daily habits and routines. What meals will you plan share together as a family? What routines (mini-schedules) will you repeat every morning when you wake and every evening at bedtime? Now calculate and estimate how much time each of these will take. Put them all on the schedule.

4. Schedule your weekly habits and routines. What are the things you will do once or more every week? What evenings do you want to protect for family time? How often each week do you want to open your home to others? Now enter them on your calendar, following as much as possible the time blocking already established.

You probably won’t make it this far without you and your wife having to re-evaluate something or lightly argue a certain component’s value for your home. This is the necessary hard work of budgeting, but it’s worth it!

Application

This time budget will not make all your choices for you. But it will significantly inform and direct those decisions. Imagine two scenarios, which demonstrate the function of the time budget:

A new family has joined your church on Sunday. You and your wife want to have them over, but you have just exited a busier weekend. But since you never schedule anything for Tuesday nights (“Home Night”), you have an evening to recover. You offer that family Thursday night instead—one of your two standard evenings you offer for getting together with others.
A new committee at church is looking for a regular evening meeting time. You don’t offer Tuesday as available; you have already established it’s your home night.

Wise or Righteous?

I confess I am a time management and productivity geek. (How did you guess?) Some people are planners by nature, and it’s not always a virtue. Scripture puts planning in the category of wisdom (Proverbs 4:26; 22:3), not quite the category of righteousness. Probably most pointed is Paul’s application of our union with Christ: “Pay careful attention, then, to how you live—not as unwise people but as wise—making the most of the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:17-18).

The Bible’s call to wisdom about our time is clear; but we can differ in application. But the way of wisdom for our family schedules will always involve some form of planning ahead. So if your family schedule is out of control, tackle the beast! Give time budgeting a try.

Does God Punish Children for the Sins of Their Parents?

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 24 May 2022 15:16:20 GMT

Exodus 34:6–7 belongs on a short list of the most sacred passages in Scripture. However, it also contains one of Scripture’s scariest statements for parents.

Here is some background. Moses is on Mt. Sinai interceding for Israel after the golden calf incident. God had relented from His initial anger and decided not to destroy the nation (Ex 32:7–14). However, He also made clear that He would no longer be accompanying the people to Canaan (33:1–6). Devastated, Moses pleads for God to reconsider, and once again, God agrees (33:12–17). Emboldened by this additional answer to prayer, Moses makes a presumptuous request: “Please, show me Your glory” (Ex 34:18). Surprisingly, God consents, albeit with conditions. Moses will stand “in the cleft of the rock” as God passes by, God will cover his face with His hand, and Moses will not see God’s face (33:19–23).

True to His word, the next morning, God appears to Moses. It must have been an awesome sight! However, more important than what Moses sees is what Moses hears. As God passes by, He proclaims His name (“Yahweh”) along with a summary of His character. In just 32 Hebrew words, God Himself encapsulates who He is. This is what God said.

“The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.” (Ex 34:6–7)

Most of those descriptions instill comfort, as well they should. However, the conclusion makes us squirm. God visits the iniquity of the fathers upon the children? How is that fair? Surely, there must be some mistake. But it is not a mistake. God repeats Himself in Exodus 20:5 and Deuteronomy 5:9. How then are we to understand this terrifying verse? I’d like to share five considerations that help us to make sense of this statement.

1. God will never hold you personally liable for somebody else’s sin.

One of the most confusing things about this verse is that it seems to contradict other clear Bible statements and principles.

“Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers; a person shall be put to death for his own sin” (Deut 24:16).

“But the children of the murderers he [Amaziah] did not execute, according to what is written in the Book of the Law of Moses, in which the Lord commanded, saying, “Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers; but a person shall be put to death for his own sin” (2 Kings 14:6).

“The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself” (Ezek 18:20).[^1]

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad” (2 Cor 5:10).

“And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books” (Rev 20:12).

“[God] ‘will render to each one according to his deeds’” (Rom 2:6).[^2]

The entire concept of God’s justice in Scripture is predicated on the fact that God holds people responsible for their own actions, as the verses above clearly show. At the judgment one day, the following conversation will never occur.

God: “I’m punishing you for murder.” Individual: “Why?” God: “Because your great–grandfather killed someone.”

Therefore, it is best to understand the “visiting” of Exodus 34:7 in terms of “natural consequences.” However, because God is sovereign, even the “natural” consequences are willed by Him (as the verse clearly states)!

2. Children often perpetuate their parents’ sins.

Amnon followed David his father into sexual sin. Lot’s children became even more worldly than he was. Jacob played favorites at home just like his father Isaac had done. Both Scripture and our own experience are rife with examples of children who repeated their parents’ mistakes. Why? We tend to copy what we see modeled! Because of this, it is often (though not always) the case that the children being “visited” in the way that Exodus 34:7 describes are just as personally guilty as are their parents.

3. Groups rise and fall together.

Exodus 34:7 challenges our western way of thinking. We place so much emphasis upon the individual that we have almost no sense of nations, churches, or families rising or falling together.

Perhaps a sports illustration may help. If the star point guard on a basketball team gets mad and throws a punch, causing him to get ejected from the game, his entire team suffers. No one considers this unfair; it is part of what it means to be a team. In the same way, part of what it means to be a family is that when one family member succeeds, we all benefit, and when one family member fails, we all suffer.

Try telling Daniel that it was unfair for him to be taken captive because of the sins of his people. That is certainly not how he felt, according to his prayer in Daniel 9:1–19! He was part of God’s covenant people, so he shared in the punishment for their sin.

A dramatic example of this concept is how the entire human race fell with Adam. Is it unfair that I suffer because of Adam’s sin? Apparently not! God does not promise to shield others from the consequences of your actions.

4. Forgiveness is always available to those who repent.

Leviticus 26:40–42 includes a wonderful promise to the nation of Israel.

“But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers, with their unfaithfulness in which they were unfaithful to Me, and that they also have walked contrary to Me… then I will remember My covenant with Jacob….”

The same concept shows up in Ezekiel 18, but on a more personal level.

“If, however, he [a wicked man] begets a son Who sees all the sins which his father has done, And considers but does not do likewise... He shall not die for the iniquity of his father; > He shall surely live!” (Ezek 18:14, 18)

Throughout the Bible, God offers forgiveness and restoration to all who will repent and turn to Him! No one is rejected because of the sins of his parents.

5. This truth serves to heighten personal responsibility.

…visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation…

Why did God include this phrase in the Bible? How are we to respond to it?

Some may respond by tossing up their hands and saying, “See! My sin is not my fault!” Others may repeat with Hezekiah, “At least there will be peace in my day.”[^3] Neither of those responses is correct. God did not include these verses in Scripture to diminish personal responsibility but to heighten it.

As fathers reading these verses, we should be sobered to think that our sins will impact our children. One common lie of Satan is that your sin isn’t hurting anyone, except maybe yourself. Of course, if that were true, we wouldn’t feel nearly as bad about sinning. But it’s a lie. Your sin ALWAYS affects other people––including your children!

Dad, your pornography habit will eventually impact your children. Your addiction to alcohol, prescription drugs, or marijuana will affect them. Your decision not to join and serve in a church family will harm them greatly. This truth should scare us to death and motivate godly living!

If you are reading this post as either a victim of your parents’ sins or a despairing father who is painfully aware of his own failures, I urge you to listen again to the first part of this wonderful passage.

“The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin…” (Ex 34:6–7)

Sometimes we get so hung up on the parts we don’t understand that we miss some glorious truths! Most of God’s descriptions of Himself have to do with His love! The LORD is compassionate, generous, patient, and abundantly good. Not only that, but He forgives iniquity and transgression and sin. He longs to forgive your sin! You can be free from the sin that enslaved your parents and set a new pattern for your children. Stop blaming others or beating yourself up and instead, run to Jesus!

Exodus 34:7 may very well contain the scariest phrase in the Bible for dads. The consequences of sin are incredibly frightening. But praise God that “His mercy is more.”

[^1]: All of Ezekiel 18 is dedicated to this theme! [^2]: In this verse, Paul appears to be alluding to the OT (see Ps 62:12; Prov 24:12; Jer 17:10) or perhaps the words of Jesus (Mat 16:27). [^3]: 2 Kings 20:19

When Dad Gets Stressed

Chris Lynch — Tue, 17 May 2022 06:00:00 GMT

Have you ever had one of those days or weeks? That work week that resulted in some unanticipated overtime, or that call from work that came at the worst possible time. The arrival home from such a workday only to find things chaotic at home. Two graduation parties, three soccer games, one swim team practice, a church service responsibility, and an HOA meeting—all in one Saturday. I’m sure you can identify with some combination of most or all of these experiences!

Hey, this isn’t news to anybody: dads can get stressed! Life is full, and the reasons our lives are full are often wonderful. Our families are active. Our lives are vibrant. Our opportunities for fellowship, recreation, and service are plentiful. Our career and job compensation are gifts from God as well. But those full lives also produce stress.

There are also more “negative” contributors to stress. Plans change. Trials come and compound already busy schedules. Past mistakes or failures can result in current angst and unintended consequences. And our response to things like busyness, difficulty, and changed plans affects our families for good or bad.

The Bible Addresses Stress!

Stress isn’t unique to modern western culture. Stress has been present ever since imperfection entered the world. Scripture addresses the modern term “stress” with terms like trouble, being anxious or overcome, or fainting. Reading through the Psalms you’ll often come across statements like this: “my flesh/heart faints as if under a heavy load.” The concept of being overwhelmed is found all throughout Scripture—even in the lives of God’s people. And in many cases where people are overwhelmed there are both spiritual and physical ramifications.

Life in a fallen world is full of pressures, tensions, and adverse, difficult circumstances. Our choice of how we respond affects our spiritual condition. I want us to take a moment and see that Scripture has answers. It calls us to be honest about our stress. It provides warnings, and it ultimately presents a solution. The solution to stress is fellowship with God. Simply put, but not simply lived!

The glories of God’s grace and Christ’s work shine brightly through how God’s Word addresses our stress. So we can ponder that together with joy and hope. After looking at how Scripture categorizes the contributors to our stress, we’ll then park on how it also gently guides us to its God-centered solutions!

The Contributors to Stress in Scripture

Scripture addresses several different sources of stress:

The presence of sin

In Psalm 32:1–5 David describes the stress he faced because of inner sin. Look at how he described it: “when I kept silent”—when I covered my sin and chose my disobedient desires rather than God’s expectations—my bones wasted away, I groaned inwardly, there was heaviness, my energy was gone… Translation: I was seriously stressed! Genuine guilt and God-given conviction are mentally and emotionally straining. They’re designed to be. They’re designed to remind us of the futility of our sin and the freedom of his forgiveness—so seek that forgiveness!

Earthly cares

Worry and stress are close cousins in our hearts. Jesus addresses this in Luke 12:22–26. It’s the basic stuff that takes up time and energy each day that we get so bent out of shape about! Yet his gracious care will meet our needs, His sovereign hand guides our days. The fullness of his love controls each detail of life. He cares for the birds. How much more will he care for those he created in his image and bought with his Son’s blood?

Misplaced priorities

Martha (bless her heart) is a classic example of this tendency in Luke 10:38–42. We share her tendency: we view our priorities as admirable, but in reality we’re majoring on the minors. We’re making our Savior secondary. When other priorities eclipse our fellowship with God, stress can be expected!

The Remedy for Stress in Scripture

So what are the solutions we can ponder? We’ve already hinted at a few, but we could summarize the Bible’s emphasis this way: God provides a remedy for stress—and that remedy is himself.

Consider your knowledge of God.

I love Psalm 3. David penned this psalm in the face of some dire circumstances. Likely, he is fleeing from his rebellious son Absalom, who basically plans to kill him. Nice. Just great. I’d say this qualifies as a stressful situation!

David’s stressful situation takes the form of physical enemies. Ours can take the form of the victory of spiritual enemies, like the presence of sin. It can take the form of extreme busyness or marriage challenges or the burdens of chronic sickness. Even the more mundane “stresses” and pressures of daily life are significant without God.

But see how David responds in verses 3–5. God’s character gives peace! We can peacefully rest—lay down and sleep and wake up again—all under the sustaining care of this God. At this point David isn’t delivered from the circumstance; victory over the effects of stress rarely includes removal of our circumstances. But a constant, determined dwelling on who God is on your behalf is a remedy in the face of stressful situations.

Prioritize your relationship with God.

Resting in Him is essential to victory over stress. But actively pursuing him is, too. Psalm 119:143 says, “Trouble and anguish have found me out, but your commandments are my delight.” What is the psalmist’s response to trouble and anguish (stress and worse)? Delight in the word of God. Be saturated with his Word. Don’t waver in your commitment to prioritize daily exposure to it. The truth you saturate yourself with will enable you to claim God’s character; it will ensure God-honoring priorities; it will put earthly cares in proper perspective; it will aid in your defense against sin.

Your personal time with him isn’t the only way we prioritize this relationship; be committed to his worship, too! Participation at church may seem like something that just adds to your stress. One more thing to do. I need rest; I need me-time! But the ultimate place where we are reminded about the source of our delight, joy, security, comfort, and peace is in public worship. Psalm 27:3–5 teaches us this. Gaze at and inquire of him (v. 4): be consumed with who he is and what he wants you to do. That’s worship.

Relinquish your stress to God.

Take some time to look at 2 Kings 19:14–19. Talk about stress! King Hezekiah faces the Assyrian army gathering to besiege Jerusalem. The enemy has mocked God and stated that no one will be able to deliver Judah from defeat. Where does the king run for help in this impossible situation? He prays!

That alone is striking, but the content of his prayer is striking too. See how he considers his knowledge of God—his character? God is present (“enthroned above the cherubim” is an Old Testament reference to God’s presence in the temple). God reigns over everything. He alone can help! In the face of stressful situations, pray. He hears, he knows, and he longs to see your reliance.

But how Hezekiah concludes his prayer is even more amazing. What is Hezekiah most concerned about? His relief? His throne? His safety? His comfort? He says, “Oh Lord our God, save us so everyone will know you are God alone.” Hezekiah longs for God’s glory. Guys, God alone is worthy of glory in our stressful circumstances, and that must also be our desire.

We naturally view each stressful circumstance as an inconvenience or trauma to be delivered from at all costs. Instead, choose to view them as an opportunity for God to be honored no matter what he ordains. That’s the trust-filled, God-centric remedy for stress. God’s purpose is to conform us to the image of His son for His glory. He’s not all about giving us ease or making life rosy. In our adverse circumstances He’s all about changing us to reflect the glory of Jesus.

So we must turn from sin. We must trust him with the daily cares of earth. We must prioritize fellowship with Him. Choose that path daily, and with his help our stress can become rest. And those who we are called to lead will learn that too!

Have These Household Items Become Household Idols?

John Pate — Tue, 10 May 2022 00:00:00 GMT

I am fascinated by Bible stories. Not only do they tell me a lot about God; they also tell me about ancient cultures so very different from—and yet so similar to—my own. When we read the Old Testament, we are looking through a window into the lives and conversations of real humans who lived thousands of years ago. And it’s just fascinating.

Here’s an example. When Jacob flees from his father-in-law Laban and begins the long journey south toward Canaan, one of his wives, Rachel, sneaks into her dad’s house to steal something very precious to her—“her father’s household gods” (Genesis 31:19). So think about it. She could have taken anything, a bag of silver, his precious jewels, his golf clubs. But she chose to take his teraphim.

“Household Idols”

The meaning of this word is not altogether certain, but it probably refers to “small images of household gods in human form . . . worshipped as givers of earthly prosperity, and . . . consulted as oracles.”[^1] People who possessed teraphim “believed they were responsible for human happiness when worshiped, and human misery when ignored.”[^2]

Maybe Rachel pulled these out when her kids were sick or when the crops were poor. Maybe she set them up after a tough night with a baby or a long argument with one of her fellow wives. Household idols provided a simple, actionable way to feel in control of both the present and the future.

But before we’re too hard on Rachel,[^3] it’s important to remember we often fall into the same trap. The pressures and uncertainties of life in a broken world can cause us to turn regular household items into household idols. We turn to something other than God for our peace, security, and identity. But, instead of bringing peace, these idols produce a distinct hum of anxiety, fear, and pride in our hearts.

Let’s look at two household items which may have become idols in your home—and how you can return them to their rightful place.

Dollars

When bills pour in and family uncertainties multiply, few things can provide a sense of security like extra dollars. Money is a good tool, but it can also become the household idol to which we look for peace and joy in the midst of mounting pressure. This can look different ways depending on the household.

1. Spending money we don’t have

According to a recent article on lendingtree.com, during the 3rd quarter of 2021, 52% of all active credit cards in the United States carried a balance from one month to the next. In other words those households spent more money than they actually had.

I’m sure the reasons felt important: the happiness of the kids, the comfort of the parents, or the reputation of the family. Chances are, however, many of those households were looking to dollars to do what only God can do.

2. Obsessing about money we do have

A sure sign of adulthood is when you and your wife can’t stop talking about your new budgeting app. While “financial peace” is a desirable goal, be careful not to treat your financial plan as the means to peace that only God can give. Checking your investment portfolio or tweaking your financial strategy several times a day may be a sign that something is askew in your heart.

Dollars become god when we turn to them before we turn to the One who alone gives us our daily bread (Matthew 6:11). Household idols may promise peace, security, and identity, but, in the end, they produce anxiety, fear, or pride in our hearts.

Health Products

Let’s look at one more household idol. One of the hardest parts of raising kids is the continual cycle of sickness that plagues our homes. (I hear it was even harder in previous generations.) Nothing is more frustrating than finally getting through a month-long bout of respiratory sickness only to have your toddler start to throw up in the night.

If only there were an actionable, effective solution for sickness! Meet our second household idol—the pursuit of total health this side of eternity. Living in a broken world means we will inevitably face sickness. But, instead of turning to the Lord who “heals all your diseases” (Psalm 103:3), we can easily turn to a powdered drink or an arsenal of essential oils for peace of mind.

Please understand. It is responsible and God-glorifying to pursue your own health and the health of your family. But when we turn to a line of health products for peace, security, or identity, we are asking them to do for us what only God can do. We are turning a household item into an idol.

Instead of bringing peace, household idols leave our hearts with a distinct hum of anxiety, fear, or pride.

Putting It Back in Its Place

So how do we turn household idols back into regular household items?

The Apostle John concludes his first epistle with an important sentence: “Little children, keep yourselves from idols” (1 John 5:21).

I used to think this was sort of like John’s somewhat unrelated “P.S.” But I’ve begun to realize this sentence is a perfect conclusion to everything John has been saying. Right before this command, he tells us the only solution to idolatry of the heart.

Listen to what he says: “We are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life” (5:20b).

Once you turn a household item into an idol, there’s only one way to get it back in its proper place—worship Jesus Christ, the only true God and the source of your life. When you are in Christ, He provides you with everything you need! Take a moment to look up the following references.

Because Jesus gives us living water, we don’t have to look to things for earthly satisfaction and joy (John 4:13).
Because we have been raised with Jesus, we don’t have to look to things for our identity and purpose (Colossians 3:1–5)
Because Jesus will never leave us or forsake us, we don’t have to look to things for our security and safety (Hebrews 13:5).
Because Jesus gives us the blessings of His heavenly kingdom, we don’t have to look to things for our daily peace of mind (Matthew 6:25–34).

Only the one true God is able to clothe, keep, provide for, protect, and sustain you and your family.

So before you look to a household item to do for you what only God can do, take a moment to bring your need to your Savior. He alone is God!

[^1]: Carl Friedrich Keil and Franz Delitzsch, Commentary on the Old Testament, vol. 1 (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1996), 190. [^2]: James M. Freeman and Harold J. Chadwick, Manners & Customs of the Bible (North Brunswick, NJ: Bridge-Logos Publishers, 1998), 61. [^3]: She eventually left her “foreign gods” behind (Genesis 35:1–4).

Father, Honor Your Son and Daughter

John Dalrymple — Tue, 26 Apr 2022 15:10:48 GMT

Many Christian parents hold Ephesians 6:1-2 in their back pocket ready to whip out at any time to remind their children how they must honor and obey. But what does God say about the way we must treat our children? Does the Bible actually instruct us to honor our kids?

Making the Bible’s Honor Roll

God’s Word mentions various types of people that should be honored. This list includes those who do good (Rom. 2:10), serve the Lord (John 12:26), and risk their life for the work of Christ (Phil. 2:29). We are commanded to honor those who hold positions of authority, including parents (Eph. 6:2), pastors (1 Tim. 5:17), and government officials (1 Pet. 2:17). But we are also expected to show honor to people that God considers vulnerable or weak. These would include widows (1 Tim. 5:3), wives (1 Pet. 3:7), and certain members of the church body (1 Cor. 12:23).

The apostle Peter addresses honor a few different times throughout his first letter but then makes a startling all-inclusive statement in 1 Peter 2:17. He says, “Honor everyone.” That includes your aging grandparents who may not be able to remember what they ate for breakfast and your toddler that ends up with half of her breakfast in her hair.

Why should we honor everyone? God commands us to honor everyone, not because of what they are able to do or not do but because God “crowned them with honor” (Heb. 2:7) and because we have all been created in “God’s image” (Jam. 3:9). By honoring people, both great and small, we are honoring the image of God in man and valuing His creation.

Honor Your Kids Before They’re Born

According to God, no conception is an accident, no matter how you and your wife feel about it. We’ve all heard parents talk about “surprise pregnancies” or babies that came after they were “done having kids.” This links that baby with not being part of their plan, which hints that the child was not originally wanted.

My guess is that most children wouldn’t appreciate being considered accidents. Even if it was not your “plan” to have a baby at that time or to have another baby at all, you can be confident that any life that God gives is worth celebrating. The fact that your child hasn’t entered the world isn’t a good reason to make jokes or excuses about their existence. Our society has publicly and militantly dishonored human life in the womb. As Christians, let’s publicly celebrate the value of our children before they’re born!

Honor Your Kids Before They’re Mature

You’d think it would be easier to value your cute kids after they’re born…but when they **____** (fill in the blank) that costs you hundreds or thousands of dollars, the benefit-cost ratio for toddlers can seem pretty low.

Let’s face it. Little kids don’t make a significant contribution to the bottom-line in a family unit, and oftentimes, their achievements and responsibilities don’t seem worthy of respect. And yet, the reality is, my little boys are men in the making, desperately looking for respect from peers and adults even from a young age.

My wife often explains mature behavior to our boys by connecting it with how a man of honor would behave. Find a way to honor your children, not for what they do but for who they are and who they are growing to be by God’s grace.

Honor Your Kids Before Others

One of the primary ways we honor people is by how we speak about them to others. It is natural for us to talk with other parents about our kids, sharing both the highlights and the challenges. However, sometimes I’ve found myself talking about my toddler in a negative light to get a laugh or to complain and felt like it was okay because I knew he didn’t understand what I was saying as he played at my feet.

Yes, there are times when it is appropriate to share challenges in order to receive counsel about our kids, but sometimes it just ends up being dishonoring gossip. When appropriate, share with others about your child’s spiritual growth and godly character—not just their academic or athletic achievements.

As a kid, my ears always perked up when I heard my name (or the name of my siblings) being used by one of my parents in conversation with another adult. Your kids are always listening to hear what you say about them. Don’t be surprised when they talk dishonorably to their peers about you when you have done the same to your peers about them.

Honoring our kids not only involves the way we talk about our kids with others but also the way we talk to our kids in front of others. Before you correct your kids in public, consider your motives to make sure you aren’t reacting out of a sense of embarrassment.

Sometimes you will need to give correction in front of others, many times it will be best to take your child aside, but you must always strive to honor them. As much as possible, interact with your children and teens in public as you would with another adult. Look them in the eye. Speak with kindness. Treat them with courtesy. Use “please” and “thank you.”

It should go without saying that we must also honor our kids in the way we speak to them in private as well. Never address them with demeaning terms (stupid, loser, brat, annoying). Some families enjoy inside jokes and sarcasm, but be careful not to belittle or dishonor family members by highlighting their weaknesses.

Instead, lead your family by setting an example with honoring and encouraging speech. Make a point to encourage each of your kids (and your wife) at the dinner table or some time when all the family is present.

Honor Your Kids Before Yourself

Selfishness is probably one of my greatest sin struggles as a dad. I confess that I have given my toddler the bruised banana of the bunch because he couldn’t tell the difference, or I have valued looking at something on my phone more than listening to their stories. Without God, I am selfish and I naturally prioritize my own desires.

At its core, honoring our kids grows from a heart of love for God and others. In Romans 12:10, Paul states, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” The key to showing your kids honor is to show them true, unselfish love.

Listen to them, play with them, value their creations and their opinions. Speak positively about them to grandparents and friends. Tell them you love being their dad. Show them that they are valuable to you with more than your credit card. Honor them by putting their interests above your own.

This type of unselfish love is the fruit of a person who is walking in the Spirit and daily depending on His grace. Ask for God’s help each day to honor and love your kids.

How to Help Your Kids View Their Salvation Testimonies

Andy Gleiser — Wed, 20 Apr 2022 01:00:10 GMT

Recently, my family joined a new church plant in our city. This church has been in the works for some time, and we are excited about the days ahead. The pastors, of whom I am one, have asked that all prospective members provide a written testimony of salvation and baptism that they will read to the congregation. And if anyone needs to be baptized, we happily can administer that in front of the church!

My teens and many other children came to Christ in earlier days and obeyed the Lord in baptism some time after. So no problem with these written testimonies, right?

Let's just say God has given all us parents an open door for discipling our kids with their own salvation testimonies. Whether or not your child will need to stand in front of a church and publicly read their profession of faith, it is good practice to help them better articulate their faith in Christ.

1. Have them write out their testimony.

It's so much easier to remind them what you remember or to tell them what to write so you can go back to whatever you were doing. But do not fall into that temptation. Shepherd them to write their story in their own words.

Ask them questions. Probe their hearts. This takes patience for you to not show exasperation when their minds go blank and they become fearful of "saying the wrong thing" to you. Forcing them to write their own testimony solidifies who and what they are believing in for salvation.

2. Ask them to retell their testimony.

Perhaps the best way to get the ball rolling is for them to tell you about their salvation. If your children are younger, I would suggest you type their words as they retell their conversion.

Don't concern yourself with proper grammar or chronology; just transcribe what they say. Later, you two can pore over his or her words, grammar, and expressions. This way, when they read their testimony to the congregation, it sounds like it's coming from them, because it is!

3. Rehearse their story with them.

This is perhaps the most difficult step, but it is the moment of true discipleship. Rejoice with them over their salvation. Ask them to clarify an expression or word choice.

If a phrase stands out to you as problematic, gently correct and ask them to rephrase. Perhaps you will want to continue to type what they are saying. Of course, you may not need to do the typing thing with teens since they should be able to recall any changes and edit accordingly.

4. Do not stress over details.

What if they do not remember their prayer? What if they can't recall where they were or what was said? Does this mean they are not believers? Of course not! If your child is fuzzy on details, ask her about her life today. Is she believing in Jesus alone for her salvation today?

Though conversion to Christ is definitely a moment in time, nowhere in Scripture are we told to secure assurance in looking back to a date or an event in our lives; our security is in Christ alone.

Our assurance comes from examining ourselves and seeing our current faith in Jesus and the fruits that follow, such as obedience to God and love of the brethren (1 John). Don't allow your child to get caught up in a moment long ago; salvation is a belief. What is he believing about Jesus today?

Of course, if in this step you or your child grow increasingly aware that he or she may not in fact be saved, what a glorious opportunity to speak of Christ and His gospel!

5. Emphasize gospel truth.

In short, make sure their testimony speaks of sin, Jesus, and faith. What do they think about their sin before God? Lean into the shame and guilt they feel. What do they understand about Jesus? So many testimonies say precious little about Him and His cross.

What are they trusting Jesus to do for them that they can't do for themselves? Are they still believing in Him today? Here is where you shape and massage their testimonies to include the necessary truths of salvation.

6. Avoid Christian cliches.

Okay, so maybe this is a pet peeve of mine. But the Bible doesn't speak of "asking Jesus into your heart." According to Jesus, salvation requires repentance and faith (Mark 1:15), not adding Jesus to your life.

If you sense any empty "Christianese" in their testimonies, ask them to clarify what they mean. This is good discipleship. It will help them grow in grace and in the knowledge of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

7. Consider ending with a statement of affirmation.

It can take various forms, but we are finding it's a fantastic teaching tool to add somewhere in the testimony the statement that they are confessing before all that Jesus Christ is their Lord and Savior.

8. Keep the testimony short and to the point.

Nobody needs to hear the extraneous stories about your children, even though they may want to tell everyone about that funny moment that happened the other day. I suggest that a publicly-read testimony should be anywhere from 1-3 minutes.

Of course, this means for many of our children, it'll be 30 seconds! If your child is painfully shy, consider standing next to him or her and read their own words to the congregation. But that is okay. The church needs to hear the next generation confess their faith in Jesus Christ!

How to Parent Technology

Chris Pennington — Tue, 12 Apr 2022 00:00:00 GMT

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Parenting in a world full of modern technology is complex to say the least. The tech in our lives is always changing, always with us, essential for modern life, and fundamentally different from advances of the past.

It may be tempting to think of today’s technology as a neutral tool—like a hammer. But hammer’s aren’t driven by constantly-tweaked algorithms, data analysis, advertisers, and clickbait. Behind today’s tech sit real human hearts trying to influence our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

So how can we help our families use technology wisely in our homes?

One Central Commitment

Starting with technology is actually a bit out-of-order. To know how technology fits within your home, you first need a very clear picture of your home.

What words do you think God wants to describe your home? Or put another way, What is the goal of your home? Without a commitment to nurturing a certain kind of home, you won’t know how to evaluate technology’s place.

Your one central commitment must be to grow a biblical, Christ-centered home.

Two Common Pitfalls

We constantly make theological assessments of ourselves, God, and the world. When these are wrong, they can twist reality and lead us into error. Here are two common tech pitfalls:

1. “Our biggest problems are outside of us.”

When we believe this assumption, it encourages us to parent protectively. “My kids are good; if I can just keep bad influences away from them, they will stay pure.”

James 1:14–15 says,

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

2. “I don’t need to have a strategy.”

Many of us fall into this second pitfall. But technology is too powerful to simply hand to you or your children without thought.

One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless. (Proverbs 14:16)

If I can encourage you to sit down prayerfully with an open Bible, I’ll consider this post a success!

Four Starting Principles

With the commitment to build a Christ-centered home, we’re ready to ask, “How can technology help and hurt this goal?“ Let me suggest four basic principles as a starting point.

1. Create a home full of confession and forgiveness.

For all its benefits, technology gives our hearts the chance to engage in secret sins—pornography being the most obvious. Your children will fall into sin while using technology because they are sinners and the internet is full of sinners. But…

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. (Proverbs 28:13)

If you want your children to hide their sin, refuse help, and become experts at living lies, make confession rare in your home. But if you want your children to run to you and to Christ for help, make confession the norm. This will give you the best chance of helping them when they stumble with tech.

Be quick to confess to sin yourself. Set an example. You sin all the time and your kids know it. So confess your sin openly and regularly.
Respond with gospel grace when sinned against. When you yell or are harsh when you’re sinned against, you’re teaching your kids to sin in secret.
Reward confession and forgiveness. When your kids admit wrongdoing (however small), offer the mercy mentioned in Proverbs 28:13. There may still be consequences, but your children need to know that confession will be met with help.

2. Safeguard against your own heart.

Our own hearts are our biggest problems (Matthew 15:16–19; Jeremiah 17:9), and however we deal with technology should account for that biblical truth.

You’ll know your own home better than I, but here are four common tech dangers you’ll likely need to safeguard against:

Time/energy/focus drain
Pornography
Selfishness/self-promotion
Normalizing sin through entertainment

So how can you safeguard against your own heart? Let me make a few suggestions:

Set up parental controls and filters
Set engagement boundaries (plan your use of technology)
Evaluate entertainment (research entertainment beforehand objectively and evaluate it while being entertained)

3. Rule tech prayerfully and purposefully.

Tech today has mastered the “nudge.” Every app defaults to sending you notifications, every streaming service auto-plays the next episode, and the scroll of social media is infinite.

If we’re not careful we’ll find ourselves ruled by our tech, rather than the other way around.

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12)

The key word here is “intentionality.” Let me offer a few ideas:

Schedule time for entertainment
Wake up before your phones and go to bed after them
Check your ability to go without tech
Establish no-tech times (e.g., the dinner table, etc.)

4. Use technology for good.

If you’re committed to building a Christ-centered home, technology can be a tremendous help to you!

Let me offer four starting points:

Use technology to share the gospel: brainstorm how you can use technology as a family to reach out to others with the gospel story
Use technology to bring you together as a family (e.g., FaceTime long-distance relatives, play games together, refuse to isolate with tech or hide behind headphones, etc.)
Use technology to connect your family to others (especially people in your church family)
Use technology to serve (rather than using technology for self-promotion or self-image building)

Conclusion

As an older fish swam by two young fish, he called out, “How’s the water, boys!?” The boys looked at each other and then replied, “What’s water?!”

Technology is so ubiquitous, it’s easy to not notice the gentle current taking us downstream. Currents are only noticeable if you push against them, and technology is the exact same.

And if you don’t have a plan for today’s tech, it will plan for you. Would you prayerfully take some time to craft a plan for your family?

<Note variant="info"> Note: Need a place to start? Let me recommend Andy Crouch’s Book, The Tech-Wise Family. See my <a href="/the-tech-wise-family/" className="underline">full review here</a>. </Note>

Are Shared Family Mealtimes Biblical?

Caleb French — Tue, 05 Apr 2022 06:00:00 GMT

I round the corner into the kitchen carrying my shoes, having just turned off the bedroom light now that I’m ready for work. My two young daughters sit at the counter while eggs splatter away in the frying pan as my wife pulls out colorful plastic cups and plates—all to the singsong rhythm of my four-year-olds questions and comments. After a flurry of coffee-prepping and high-chair strapping, we sit down. I say a brief but genuine prayer of gratitude and grace to begin an ordinary yet extraordinary fifteen minutes of our family’s typical weekday: breakfast, together.

Though they may feel like a mundane necessity, family mealtimes together are a multi-purpose opportunity to honor biblical priorities for fathers. Consider this article as a humble dose of practical persuasion to make the most of your family mealtimes.

What does the Bible say?

The conscientious reader may ask, “Is eating our meals together as a family a biblical necessity?” The short answer is, “No.” We could scour the Scriptures for mealtime themes—God’s fellowship meal with the seventy elders at Sinai (Exodus 24:9–11), Christ’s feast-saving miracle at Cana (John 2:1–12), the resurrected Christ making and sharing a fish breakfast with His disciples (John 21), and the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9). As a theme in Scripture, sharing a meal does establish and strengthen the relational bonds between God and man.

But we will find no mandate in the Bible how many daily meals a family should eat together, or what they should do with those times. What we will find is a biblical vision of family life that requires plenty of monologues and conversations, interspersed between—and pertaining to—countless shared life experiences (Deuteronomy 6:6–9; Ephesians 6:4). These plans, debriefs, short chats, and long talks, are the bread-and-butter of discipling children. And if you want to strengthen these habits in your home, “table time” can do some heavy lifting.

What follows are all suggestions for how we can make the most of our mealtimes.

Scheduling

If we are not careful, the best intentions for making the most of mealtime will fail if we don’t actually make it to the table together. Don’t miss the scheduling step! Discuss with your wife just how many mealtimes on a typical week you believe you should try to share together as a family.

No two families will have the same schedule, and it’s not always helpful to compare your mealtime habits to those of other families. But we can probably all agree that the more shared meals, the better for our families. And that requires some planning.

Things to Try

Here are a few ideas to help you improve your family mealtimes.

1. Try family breakfast.

Hear me out. If your work schedules at all allow it, try to sync up as a family at breakfast. First, the “breakfast appointment” helps everyone get moving in the morning. Second, it is a great time for dads and kids (or dads and stay-at-home moms) to sync up before parting ways. Share each other’s plans for the day; pray for God’s grace together; look each other in the eye.

2. Help out, Dad.

Some dads are super-chefs. Some dads (like me) can pour the drinks and set the table, be the one to get up in the middle of the meal when we need something (let your wife sit), or clear the table and help with the dishes. Whatever your domestic aptitude, doing something to help with the meal is a service opportunity you know you will have every day. Show your family you’re part of the team, not just a consumer.

3. Don’t keep mobile phones within reach.

Make mealtimes a non-phone zone. Of course, we want to avoid the cartoon of whole families sitting together and scrolling their apps independently. But furthermore, try to avoid answering calls or texts during this time. This is a moment each day in which you can demonstrate to your family that they have your full attention, and what is happening at the table matters more than whoever and whatever could be trying to reach you. (We can check our phones in 25 minutes. It can wait.)

4. Ask questions.

Within reason, almost any open-ended question is a good one, if it gets the family talking. “How was your day?” is a great start.

5. Let your kids talk.

I can easily want to talk out my own day with my wife at meals; but I need to let my kids talk, too. Listening to your kids shows love and care. Listen to them at the table!

6. Let your wife talk.

But sometimes Mom needs to talk, too. At least in our home, my wife has usually spent much of her day in kid-level conversations. Gently encourage your children to give mom the microphone sometimes.

7. Add on family devotions.

This is not an article about family devotions, but mealtimes are a great time to add it on. It also sets the tone for healthy spiritual conversation and discussion to happen at the table.

Just after 7:20 a.m., I get up from the table and sling my backpack onto my shoulder. Each girl (two daughters and my wife) get a kiss, a shoulder-squeeze, and an “I love you.” We see each other for about 10 minutes at the breakfast table, on a good day. We only pray once. We discuss maybe two or three topics. But multiplied over each week, month, year in the life of our family, this ordinary habit has powerful potential.

Family mealtimes can be valuable habits as we seek to honor God’s calling on us as dads. May we be wise in redeeming family mealtimes for the spiritual health of our families.

Is Sunday Special in Your Home?

Chris Pennington — Tue, 22 Mar 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Why should we go to church? No really. Take a few seconds and mentally provide an answer. If you’re like most people, your answer will primarily fall into at least one of the following categories:

to learn (about God, us, the Bible, etc.)
to fellowship with Christians
to serve
to worship
to share the gospel

Which most sounds like your answer? Do you have any other major categories to add? How would you order these answers in level of priority?

Now, here’s the real challenge: ask your kids to answer these same questions. Why should we go to church? What is the most important reason we should go to church?

All of these reasons listed above are important, but one governs and orders the others. The Bible highlights worship as the primary reason for gathering with God’s people weekly.

Of course, we also want to learn, to fellowship, to serve, and to share the gospel, but those ultimately serve the highest good of worshiping God.

How can you instill this thinking in your home? Let me suggest three steps: teach, prepare, and order.

1. Teach your family about worship.

If you want worship to be the focus of church for your children, you will need to teach your children how to view the worship service.

But what exactly is worship? And how can you explain it to your children? Here is the working definition I created for my kids: worship is telling and showing God how good and great he is.

How do I teach my kids? I ask them a series of simple questions each week.

What are the reasons people go to church? Friends, to learn, to worship God, snack time (3 year-old Sunday School, am I right?!), etc.
What is the most important reason we go to church? To worship God
What does it mean to worship God? To tell and show God how good and great he is.
What are some ways we can tell and show God how good and great he is? singing, praying, observing the Lord’s table, submitting ourselves to the preached Word, giving in the offering, etc.

2. Prepare your family for worship.

If worship of God with God’s people is the highlight of every week, it’s important to prepare your family. Here are a few ideas.

Prepare on Saturday.

Preparation starts long before Sunday morning. Make it a pattern to getting into bed early on Saturday. Plan dinner parties, sporting events, or family activities for a different night so you can be rested and prepared for worship.

Take some time to set out clothes and prepare any food ahead of time so Sunday mornings can be as stress-free as possible (depending on the age of your kids the “as possible” is pulling a lot of weight here).

Prepare in prayer.

Take some family time to pray Saturday night or Sunday morning. Talk about a reason God is worthy of worship each week (e.g., “he is gracious … long-suffering … just“) and then talk to God about that reason as a family.

Prepare an offering.

Encourage your children to consciously prepare to give worship to God. Talk to them about how to sing to God, teach them how to listen as a worshiper, and help them prepare a financial gift (no matter how small).

3. Order your day for worship.

The New Testament sets Sunday apart as “the Lord’s Day” (Rev 1:10). Most people today live in cultures where they can dedicate the entire day to God and his things. Since environments shape us so much as people, we should create Sunday environments that remind us how special worship is and set Sundays apart intentionally.

Here are a few starting points.

Make Sunday different.

Our bodies and our souls are intertwined, so it only makes sense that structuring our physical environments can prompt our hearts to respond well to truth.

One of our goals is to make Sunday feel different—from start to finish. Many of these differences aren’t necessarily spiritual, but they recognize our experiences can encourage us to treat the day differently.

Find a restful pattern.

Whatever your understanding of how New Testament Christians should apply the Sabbath, we can all agree that it’s hard to worship with all your heart, soul, and mind if you’re running around and exhausted on Sundays.

If you’re heavily involved in serving, finding rest on Sunday can be difficult, but it’s essential. To neglect rest or make Sundays a frenzied chain of activities prioritizes side things over the main thing (worship). Put another way, it is not spiritual to be “busy with much serving” to the neglect of full-focused worship. (Luke 10:41–42)[^1]

Reserve special experiences.

As mentioned above, we do everything in our power to make Sunday feel different. Here are a few special experiences we reserve for Sunday (hint: most of them are not particularly spiritual, but signal to us all that Sunday is special):

We have the same special breakfast every Sunday.[^2]
We listen to a reserved music playlist each Sunday morning.
We have the same lunch every week—something low-stress and quick to prepare so we can spend as long at church as possible and be eating within 5 minutes of walking in the door.
We let the kids sit in the living room for lunch while we watch a special show they only watch on Sundays.
We all take naps Sunday afternoon (yes, even the adults).
Every Sunday afternoon, we have an early dinner we call “Tea Party.” We make tea and serve fruits, vegetables, cheese/crackers, and small sandwiches. It’s become a very special time for my kids and their favorite meal of the week.

These special experiences (notice all three meals are special and unique to Sundays) help remind our bodies and souls that Sunday is different and set apart.

A Parting Word

You’ve probably seen those videos of horror movies put to silly music or children’s movies paired with Alfred Hitchcock-style background music.

Whatever words are said or scenes are shown, the music overpowers them. Why is that? In part, it’s because our senses, emotions, and reason are intertwined. We may know Pooh Bear isn’t a mass murderer, but it’s still hard not to feel creeped out if the music is just right.

How can you make the music of your homes (i.e., your Sunday activities, food, free time, etc.) match your words (i.e., teaching, family prayers, etc.)? The right pairing will communicate God is so worthy that once a week, we dedicate a whole day to celebrating how good and great he is, just as the wrong pairing will say that God is common and normal.

If your words say “Sunday is special” but your day says, "this is a Saturday with a church service," your kids will get the second message loud and clear. How can you set the day apart for your family?

[^1]: I realize your church may have a lot of activities and you may occasionally have a Sunday absolutely full of activity. (I’m a pastor—and I get it.) My point here is that this frenzied pace needs to be the exception rather than the rule. If your church structure discourages this type of thoughtful worship, give your leaders the benefit of the doubt. The first activity to give thought to is your Saturday. If you have a very slow and restful Saturday, you may find you can still participate in every activity Sunday in a rested and worshipful state. If you are unable to find a restful pattern, slowly and gracefully withdraw from one or two key activities on Sunday in preference to intentional worship. [^2]: If you’re interested, we have steel cut oats with sausage, fruit, and coffee (the only day the kids get coffee). In case my children’s Sunday School teachers read this, they each get like 1 Tablespoon ☕.

How God Has Led My Family Through Change

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 15 Mar 2022 00:00:00 GMT

One of the major challenges associated with being a father is leading your family through change. Recently, I was asked to write an article about stewarding the transitions associated with early adulthood. As my wife Elise and I worked on this article together, we enjoyed reflecting on some lessons God has taught us over the past eleven years of our marriage.

Some of those lessons are directly related to parenting; most are not. Regardless, I trust that these lessons will be a help to you as you navigate change in your life and shepherd your wife and children through change as well.

First Year of Marriage [Kristopher]

I was surprised by how difficult our first year of marriage was. Challenges included a cross-country move, new jobs, and grad school. On a typical evening, Elise and I would talk on the way home (we carpooled) and over dinner for about 30 minutes. After that, Elise would say goodnight for the evening, and I would hit the books. I was often exhausted. What did God teach me that year?

1. Be humble.

God used year one of marriage to expose my selfishness. I remember going into it thinking how godly I was. God humbled me by giving me fresh insights into my sinful heart almost daily. Elise and I never fought; but we had more conflict and misunderstanding than I care to admit. These were important growing times for me.

Transition may reveal your selfishness too. Avoid blaming your sin on your circumstances. Instead, admit the ways you need to grow and ask God for help.

2. Avoid overloading.

During my first several months in seminary, I was a full-time first-year teacher and grad student, and I commuted three hours per day. I barely made it to Thanksgiving break.

Sometimes busyness can’t be avoided. However, remember that God created us to need rest (Ps 127:12). During times of transition, we are often test-driving new schedules. We need to be quick to admit signs of burnout and nimble to make necessary adjustments.

Children [Elise]

God has blessed us with four wonderful children––three girls and a boy. Our oldest arrived while Kristopher was in grad school, and the next three came every two years like clockwork. With each child, big changes began the day we received a positive pregnancy test and continued rapidly through the child’s first birthday. Here are some lessons we learned.

1. Prepare ahead of time.

You may think I’m referring to stocking your freezer or cleaning your house, but no. I believe the best way to prepare for a second child is by training your first one. Ephesians 6:1–3 emphasizes the importance of teaching your kids to obey. How well they obey, in conjunction with independent play, will directly affect your ability to do things like nurse uninterrupted or catch a quick nap.

2. Remember your priorities.

It’s easy to get frustrated when you’re forced to take a step back from ministry involvement due to the demands of parenting. However, you must remember that serving looks different in various seasons of life, and clarifying your priorities brings peace.

Titus 2:4-5 speaks to the priorities a Christian mother should have. The order is 1) God, 2) your husband, 3) your children, and 4) ministry outside the home.

Promotion/Demotion [Kristopher]

After grad school, we moved to California, where I became an assistant pastor. Little did we know that God’s plan was for me to become the interim pastor just one month into the job! The next year was the hardest one we have faced, but God was so faithful. Here are two lessons I learned.

1. We need the body of Christ.

While I was interim pastor, Elise experienced a difficult pregnancy. The day the doctor prescribed three months of full bed rest I was in shock. When I shared the news that night in prayer meeting, our church family rose to the occasion. They sent meals, helped with childcare––one dear friend even ironed my shirts!

Our hearts were knit together in powerful ways through that time. We needed them and they needed me. Church members always need one another, but we sense our need more during times of transition.

2. You will look back and be thankful.

It seemed like I may become the next senior pastor, but God had other plans. After nine months of leading the church, I went back to being the assistant pastor. At first, that was discouraging, but God’s way is best. The next five years were some of the happiest, most spiritually prosperous our family has known.

I cannot imagine my life apart from those nine grueling months or the five years that followed. God shaped us in ways we cannot describe and blessed us with friendships we will treasure for a lifetime. We did not choose the path for ourselves, but we are so grateful for what the Lord did.

Sickness [Elise]

God has allowed me to face two periods of sustained physical struggle during our marriage. First, while pregnant with our second-born, I was on strict bed rest for three months. Then, this past year, I got sick with Covid. Here are some lessons God taught me.

1. Look for ways to remain productive.

God created us to work, even when we are limited physically. Here are some ways that I tried to do that. While I was on bed rest, though couch-ridden, I tried to engage with our one-year-old daughter. I did my best to encourage others through phone calls or texts. Also, God gave me a chance to invest in a young lady who was helping care for me and our daughter. These are just things that I did. You may want to focus on prayer or listening to an audio book or the Bible. Be creative and keep your mind active.

2. Focus on pleasing God in the moment, not on pleasing people (Gal 1:10; 1 Thess 2:4).

After I got sick with Covid, I struggled with weariness and brain fog for several months. Although normally quite extroverted, I found myself withdrawing from conversations because I was embarrassed by my lack of memory. I struggled to recall names, the details of past conversations, or even basic facts from my week!

On top of it all, we had just moved back to Phoenix, so many people didn’t know me very well. I had to counsel myself to care more about God’s opinion of me than about the opinions of others. For me, this meant talking to people, including teens and their parents (my husband is the youth pastor), even if I thought they might think I was stupid or incompetent.

Move [Kristopher]

Last year, God brought us back to Phoenix, where I became an assistant pastor at the church I grew up at. Here are two lessons from that transition.

1. Take time and seek godly counsel before making a major decision.

Before deciding to move back to Phoenix, Elise and I sought lots of counsel. We also prayed a lot, searched the Scriptures, and searched our own hearts. As a result, we were able to make the decision with confidence.

Scripture warns against hasty decisions (Luke 14:28-32) and urges us to seek godly counsel (Prov 11:14). Sadly, many Christians fail to heed this advice and make poor decisions. If you are facing a major decision (like a cross-country move or a job change), I challenge you to seek your pastor’s advice. God will honor your teachable spirit.

2. Learn to love where God placed you.

God has been kind to us. In the last year, we moved into a nice home, were blessed with new opportunities, and I was able to rekindle old friendships and minister with family and friends. Still, the transition was hard.

No life situation is perfect. There will always be things you like and things you don’t like. The foolish man goes through life discontent, but the wise man learns to love where God placed him (Philip 4:11-13). Contentment grows in the heart that trusts and delights in the Lord (Heb 13:5-6).

In 18th century Germany, Kathrina Von Schlegel wrote a beautiful poem about trusting God amid transition and loss. Having been translated to English, Katharina’s poem became one of the best-loved hymns in our language–– “Be Still My Soul.” This line from verse one says it all: “In every change, He faithful will remain.”

Early adult life is a time filled with changes. However, through it all, God is faithful.

Is God Doing Anything in My Family?

John Pate — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 00:00:00 GMT

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Nearly every time I visit my parents with my family, my mom tells my wife and me, “You’re doing a great job with the kids!” It’s such good news to hear, especially when parenting feels so tough.

The trouble is, things aren’t actually going that well, I’m not always doing a great job with the kids, and I have a hard time seeing fruit from our labor. If I look around my home, here’s what I do see:

Plenty of arguments between siblings
Lots of crying, talking, shouting, singing, and coughing (Sometimes that last one gets so intense, our home sounds like a Red Cross tent after a major battle.)
A couple tired parents
Numerous unanswered questions
And some key anticlimactic gospel moments (You know—when you think your child is about to receive Jesus, and he asks instead if he can eat the rest of his Valentine’s candy before bed.)

Perhaps you recognize some of these from your own family. Honestly, they’re probably signs that we’re not the best parents. But may I suggest that they’re also signs of something else? Could it be that the chaos of life as a Christian family reveals that God is up to something really amazing in your family?

Christian dad, I want to encourage you that God is doing a great work in your family despite your sometimes fumbling attempts at parenting. Actually, let me say that a little stronger. Through your fumbling attempts at parenting, God is doing a great work in your family.

Let’s explore three key ways He’s doing a great work.

1. God is doing a great work through the family.

It’s no secret that the institution of the family makes a difference. The statistics overwhelmingly point to the significant role of a stable, traditional family in the health and experience of a child. Conversely, an unstable family markedly disadvantages a child.[^1]

One key factor here is the presence of a father in the home. A home with an absent father often yields children with behavioral, academic, psychological, and social issues, while a present father has the potential to greatly increase his children’s well-being and success.[^2]

These realities exist only because of God’s design for the family. The family is the first institution in the Bible and becomes the foundation for human society (Gen. 1:26–28).[^3] Even after the fall, God’s plan of redemption is closely connected to His plan for the family (Gen. 3:15–16, 20; 4:1; 18:19).

In God’s plan, there’s something special about your family. If you’re reading this, chances are, you have a family. I’m going to guess you’re a present dad. You’re a part of the foundational institution of the family. Don’t underestimate the power of that reality.

At a glance, your family may look like a chaotic mixture of fights, laughter, drama, discussions, and mess.[^4] But be encouraged. Your family is—familying. Under the surface, the engine of the family is at work. God is doing a great work in—and through—your family.

2. God is doing a great work through His Word.

God’s Word works.

We see this truth all over Scripture.

Isaiah 55:11—“My word…shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose.”
Jeremiah 23:29—“Is not my word like fire, declares the LORD, and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?”
Hebrews 4:12—“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword.”

It’s no wonder that parents are commanded to “teach [God’s words] diligently to your children, and…talk about them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Deut. 6:7).

God knew that this steady input of God’s Word would do something in the home. The child would begin to connect some dots: “When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies…that the LORD our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son…” (Deut. 6:20–21).

What follows is simply the story of the Exodus, God’s rescuing act of redemption. A steady stream of God’s Word spoken in the home paves the way for gospel conversations.

There’s nothing like watching your kids connect the dots of Scripture! And there’s nothing like watching the estuaries of their young hearts be slowly formed and shaped by the river of God’s Word.

So, here’s the question: “Is the word spoken in your home?” I’m sure it is. But I’m sure you feel it could be even more present. So, keep speaking the Word! Make it an everyday part of your own life, and, as an extension of that, speak it to your children.

A few ideas:

In your own personal devotions, consider reading the Bible out loud. I often read my Bible with a child nearby who’s up too early—if they’re going to be up, they might as well hear some good news!
Start a habit of family worship. (See Kristopher Schaal’s article for some starter ideas.)
Memorize larger portions of Scripture with your family. If combined with hand motions or some friendly competition, this habit can become an enjoyable part of your family devotions. (If your children are teenagers, however, the hand motions will probably have the opposite effect.)
Seek to use God’s Word in discipline. What does God say about this situation? What solution does the good news give?
Encourage early readers to start reading their Bible every day. Even five verses a day before play can be a huge step.

Family devotions around here are a riot. I’m slowly loosening my grasp on what I consider ideal family devotions and trying to focus on just one thing—God’s Word must be spoken in our home. Don’t underestimate the power of His Word. Through His Word, He does a great work.

3. God is doing a great work through His Spirit

God’s Spirit is at work in the second verse of the Bible, creating order out of chaos (Gen. 1:2).

After the rebellion of man, the Spirit has continued to work, breathing life into dry bones and forming a New Creation through the death and resurrection of Jesus. Although the final form of that New Creation is still future, even now, “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Cor. 5:17).

Because the Spirit lives in you, you are a new creation, and He is producing new creation fruit in you” (Gal. 5:22–23).

Don’t underestimate the power of the Spirit. He created the world. He empowered Jesus. He raised Him from the dead. One day, He will raise you!

The Spirit’s work may be quiet—a gradual softening of the heart, a gentle blooming of new life—but it is powerful. He, and He alone, is able to bring your children to Jesus and to transform them into His image.

So what should you do? Be with your children! The Spirit is in your home—in you. And He’s at work in your children—through you. Allow Him to bear His fruit in you for your family to see and enjoy.

God is doing a great work through His powerful Holy Spirit.

A Final Thought

If God is doing a great work in my family despite my failures, does that mean I can just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show?

The realities we’ve covered should actually have the opposite effect. God’s work through the family, His Word, and His Spirit should actually motivate all of us to engage more and better with our families. We cannot accomplish this work on our own. But it’s not our work. It’s His! And we are His instruments.

Over the years, your family life will be filled with thousands of little moments—moments that seem disconnected and mundane. But, if you look again at those moments against the backdrop of God’s grace, the days that seemed routine will illuminate with His unseen power. He is at work in your family.

[^1]: For some helpful research on this topic, see Heather Sandstrom, Sandra Huerta, “The Negative Affects of Instability on Child Development: A Research Synthesis,” (The Urban Institute, September 2013). [^2]: Danny Huerta, “Breaking the Cycle of Absent Fathers,” (Focus on the Family Publication, June 16, 2020). [^3]: In his work The Christian Family Herman Bavinck observes, “This three-in-oneness of relationships and functions, of qualities and gifts, constitutes the foundation of all of civilized society. The authority of the father, the love of the mother, and the obedience of the child form in their unity the threefold cord that binds together and sustains all relationships within human society” (8).

The Subtle Snare of Family Gossip

Caleb French — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 00:00:00 GMT

We want our families to enjoy being together. Conversations we have at the dinner table, on the couch, and in the van are essential activities for robust family culture. Yet those talks bring with them temptations particularly alluring for close-knit families.. One such sin is gossip.

What Is Gossip?

In Scripture, a gossip is a person who “reveals secrets” (Proverbs 11:13, 20:19) and thereby “separates close friends” (16:28). This “tale-bearer” (KJV) tells stories about others that are not his to tell. Gossip keeps the “fire” of conflict burning when silence would douse the drama (Proverbs 26:20). The gossip is not so much dishonest—saying things that aren’t true—as tactless: she shares things about others that are better kept secret.

A vice related to this juicy-story-telling is slander: bad-mouthing other people. Leviticus 19:16 forbids God’s covenant people from “spreading slander among [them].” Slander makes one unworthy to set foot on God’s “holy hill” (Psalm 15:3), and the slander-spreader “is a fool” (Proverbs 10:18). Bad-mouthing a servant to his master will incur guilt (Proverbs 30:10); and according to Jesus Himself, slander is one of the verbal sins coming “out of the heart” which “defiles a person” (Matthew 15:19). Paul calls us to “put [it] away” as a vestige of our former fallen nature (Ephesians 4:31; Colossians 3:8).

Both gossip and slander, and the people who chronically engage in them, are categorically condemned in Scripture. Although their biblical usage is distinct, gossip and slander are so often intertwined that we lump them together in our modern usage of the term, gossip: telling one-sided stories as negative commentary on others.

Can We Ever Talk about Others?

Defining gossip requires discernment.[^1] Spirit-led believers will sometimes need to discuss others’ faults for the ultimate spiritual good of all involved.[^2] For purposes of this article, let’s agree that gossip is the kind of people-talk that stems from the flesh and not the Spirit. The classic school-marm definition for gossip is still a good one: “sharing a fact or story with someone who is neither a part of the problem nor a part of the solution.”

Why We Gossip

What makes gossip gossip is not so much its topic—people’s shortcomings—as its motives. When we share gossip, it’s usually for one of several sinful motivations:

1. Sympathy Gossip

The gossip subject has hurt or displeased us in some way, and we want to be vindicated by our hearers’ agreement or sympathy. For example, Person A mistreats you, and you rehash it to Person B in hopes that they will reinforce your side in the conflict.[^3]

2. Earning Gossip

We deride the gossip subject to earn our hearer’s approval. We want to prove we belong in his or her “inner circle,” and the juicy story is our currency. This type of gossip is evident in a classic “teenage drama” scenario. Wannabe alerts Cool Kid(s) of Dork’s uncool behavior (perhaps with as little as a facial expression) for admission into the Cool Kid Club. This gossip is not really about the subject, who is usually oblivious to the interchange; the story is just an entrance fee.[^4]

3. Tribal Gossip

This third kind of gossip reinforces our group’s identity and values, not by careful positive defense, but by smear stories and soundbites about people on the Other Side. “Cheap shots” are very much allowed in this gossip style, and everyone in the tribe takes a turn. Each story reiterates the clear lines between Us and Them.

Now, to be clear, God’s Word does make just such important distinctions: we are either redeemed or condemned, in truth or in error, walking in the flesh or walking in the Spirit. Lines worth drawing. At best, tribal gossip can turn legitimate distinctions between groups into petty nit-picking. At worst, this style of gossip is enlisted to reinforce “tribal” distinctions that are non-essential, ungodly, and harmful. (Imagine here the Corinthians “of Apollos” coming up with derogatory nicknames for Paul.)

Yet in every gossip style, we are trying to “gain altitude” on others. We want to push ourselves above the offender, the outcast, the Other Side, by pushing them down. Gossip is arrogance, talking. The humble “mind [of] Christ Jesus” stands in stark contrast to this “selfish ambition [or] conceit” (Philippians 2:3, 5) underneath all gossip. It should have no place on our tongues or in our homes.

Why Families Gossip

Whereas gossip “separates close friends” (Proverb 16:28), it can strengthen an unhealthy bond between the gossips–your own family members. Every family has its own set of values and viewpoints, its own miniature culture.[^5] Families bond over their shared commentary of the world. But this natural behavior turns sour when to celebrate your values, you belittle those who don’t share them. This is Tribal Gossip, family-style. Family culture outsiders are such easy targets.

But hasn’t God called parents to guard and warn their children of certain kinds of people and their behaviors (as does the Bible’s Wisdom Literature)? Yes. This makes the line between constructive discipleship and unhealthy tribal reinforcement almost invisible when it comes to talking about other people. Let us agree, though, that there is a category of speech that sins in celebrating others’ flaws, faults, and shortcomings. We still must avoid this sin, even as we speak frankly behind our closed front door.

Consequences of Family Gossip

Hypothetical situations are endless when it comes to family gossip. Let us end instead by noting some of the negative consequences of gossip in the home among family members.[^6]

It burdens your wife.

Husband, you may be able to absorb the force of some negative people-facts without it affecting your mindset and behavior toward that person. But it might not be so easy for your wife to compartmentalize and dismiss that knowledge—especially when the gossip subject has wronged someone she loves (you or your child). Choose carefully the information burdens you lay upon her; what for you could be a passing grace-less comment could become in her a root of bitterness.

It encourages hypocrisy.

Deriding family friends and acquaintances in private can encourage hypocrisy in public. Your children easily watch and learn from their parents how to keep up a polite façade to veil “what we really think about those people.” We must never encourage feigned “blessing” and private “cursing” to come “out of the same mouth” (James 3:10).

It fosters family arrogance.

“Tribal Gossip” in the home can build a sense of inordinate family pride. “We are the best. Our way is the best. We know how things really are.” Of course we want our family habits and choices to apply God’s Word as best as we know how. But family gossip can present all other people, all other families, as inferior to us by comparison.

It counters gospel grace.

Gossip is by nature one-sided; it presents the worst of a person without context or caveat. God’s forgiving love to us in the gospel should produce discretion regarding the flaws of others; we ourselves “have been forgiven much” more (Luke 7:47). “Love covers a multitude of [others’] sins” (Proverbs 10:12; 1 Peter 4:8), but family gossip uncovers them—parading them for ridicule and self-righteous comparison. Gossip announces others flaws without owning our own. Gossip runs counter to the gospel.

Let’s Keep Growing

When I set out to write this article, I must admit I did not realize how easily I fall into this snare of gossip in my own home. Let’s refuse this vice entrance into our households. Let’s battle its many forms back out the front door. Let’s temper our honesty about others’ flaws with grace in our words.

[^1]: Speaking about someone negatively to someone else cannot always be a sin, or else Jesus was gossiping when he warned His disciples of the “leaven of the Pharisees” (Matthew 16:6, et al), and Paul was wrong to call out Demas’s worldly desertion to Timothy (2 Timothy 4:10). [^2]: Also, some of our greatest spiritual struggles involve responding to the flaws and sins of others. So as we counsel one another within the body of Christ, we will sometimes have to name names and tell stories. [^3]: Yet if Person B’s role in your life is of counselor and confidante, intent on helping you toward reconciliation, sharing the story could be constructive; it’s all in your motive. [^4]: Earning Gossip isn’t limited to teens. Parents can be tempted to gossip with their teenage children (or allow their children gossip freely) as an entrance fee into their child’s “peer sphere.” Steer clear! [^5]: The in-law spouses in my family semi-affectionately call our family’s strong sense of values “The French Way.” It is the unwritten (but oh-so-specific) code for the best way to approach every conceivable task; most entries in that manual also have a clearly stated “wrong way,” as well. To be fair, many of these were application of biblical wisdom. But yeah, we probably struggled with our share of the tendencies this article warns against. I speak from some experience. [^6]: Sinful gossip in the home probably occurs most easily between husband and wife.

I Frequently Feel Like a Father Failure

Mark Ward — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Like many men in the Bible, I have begotten children; unlike many men in the Bible, I write a lot of articles and I’m friends with one or more of the editors of this website. Therefore I have been asked to write a piece on Christian fatherhood. But, unfortunately, none of these important qualifications makes me a good father. And to be honest, I’ve spent all the time between now and the time I was asked to write this worrying about how to say, in an edifying way, what I want to say: “I frequently feel like a father failure.”

I’m normally a confident, even-keeled guy. Actually a bit over-confident, perhaps. I’m a lot of classic guy things: I’m competitive, I’m driven, I’m hard-working (at my job[s], not as much on household chores, I admit…), and I’m better at begetting children than at parenting them. I remember a fellow father telling me after the happy birth of my first son, “You’ll start to feel like you know what you’re doing with him when he hits 8 mos.”

That boy’s voice is now changing (I literally hear it squeaking now in the kitchen as I write), and I’m still not sure I feel like I know what I’m doing. I love my boy (11), girl (10), and boy (7), truly I do, and I am happily faithful to their lovely mother. I provide for my kids; I hug them; I’ve read many books to them; I take them to church every single Sunday; we have had family devotions more than once in the last two weeks; I don’t drink or gamble.

But I get annoyed and frustrated with my children (FATHER FAIL!) much, much more quickly and more often than I wish. I still haven’t succeeded in getting them any kind of music lessons (FATHER FAIL!). I turn to family TV in the evenings more often than The Tech-Wise Family recommends (FATHER FAIL!). All three kids, taken together, have played only two seasons of sports so far (FATHER FAIL!). And one of my children who is not a girl nonetheless throws like one (FATHER FAIL!).

And I think you’re probably not supposed to say that anymore (CITIZEN FAIL!).

In no other area of my life do I ever feel like I’m often failing. In fathering, I can give myself a B only if I’m graded on a curve and total deadbeat dads are included in the class.

Founded on the rock

I’ll bet at least a few guys out there reading this piece feel 100% like I do, which doesn’t mean we’re all okay, that we can lower the bar so that we can do chin-ups while still touching the floor. It means we need to do what I do when I feel adrift: we need to reach for a rock. About all I can say for myself is that I’m not arrogant; I look to the Lord constantly. I seek growth. I rest on God’s word. I pray for my kids. Any good in my kids I will take as a reward coming from grace, not debt. And when the rains descend, and the kids come, and they beat upon my house, my certain hope is that my family will not fall, for Dad is founded on a rock.

Handholds on the rock

I’m just going to take you through a few of the Bible truths I rest on when I consider my fathering. I’ll call them Fatherly Handholds on the Rock of the Word. This is not a complete biblical theology of parenting; these are just some of the passages I most often turn to in the Bible pages of my mind.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

This is, in a way, one of the scariest parenting passages, because it seems to put a terrible burden on me if I fail. Why do I reach for this verse? Because I recognize that the Proverbs are a distinct genre within Scripture: they aren’t meant to be—as one of my teachers put it once—ironclad promises of what is universally true but wise statements about what is generally true. Proverbs is the book of generalizations; Ecclesiastes is the book of exceptions. So it is generally true that when you train a child diligently in a certain way, that’s going to have a lasting impact on his or her life. Of course, we all know plenty of defections among the children of faithful Christian parents. But I do see articles occasionally saying that conservative Christian parents are better at passing their faith on to their children than any other group.

I have seen some Christian parents who, it seemed to me from the outside (God knows their hearts), believed that Christian schooling or homeschooling or no-movies-with-cussing or, I dunno, holding the line on regular vegetable consumption would guarantee Christian kids. A few of them were dripping with arrogance, I must say (“A public library?! We’ve never taken our girls to one of those!”—I literally heard this said with a sneer by apparently over-protective Christian parents). There are no guarantees; Prov 22:6 is not a guarantee. God himself said of Israel,

Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. (Isaiah 1:2 ESV)

But “train up a child” is a general rule, and I` rest on it.

Proverbs 28:13

Here’s another verse I turn to frequently:

The one who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy. (Proverbs 28:13 CSB)

This verse has a double meaning, because there are two parties in the Dad-children relationship in my home: Dad, and children. I teach my children not to conceal their sin, and I myself confess and renounce sins in front of them regularly, especially those I commit against them. I do not conceal my sin. They always forgive me without hesitation; what a precious lesson to me. (They have also heard me apologize to their mother more times than I care to acknowledge in this public forum.)

Each of these apologies is a way of saying to God what David said to him in my favorite Psalm:

Against you—you alone—I have sinned and done this evil in your sight. So you are right when you pass sentence; you are blameless when you judge. (Psalm 51:4 CSB)

My goal in every apology is to “justify” God, to demonstrate—with no excuses and no mention of others’ faults—that he was right and I was wrong. This is, again, a way of pointing my kids (and my own heart) back to the Way even when I’ve stepped off it.

Over and over again, I’ve said to each of them, “Tell me what you did without any mention of what your sibling(s) did.” And I know my words have had an impact, because once I said to my daughter, “I’m sorry for being so angry at you when you hit me in the face with a pool noodle unexpectedly while I was wearing glasses.” And she said, “Dad, you always say not to mention others’ faults when you apologize.” Touché, my child. Out of the mouths of my babes…

Genesis 1:28

Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. (Genesis 1:28 ESV)

I’m going to get real frank here. Sometimes I wonder if I should even have had kids. There’s a chance they’ll grow up to hate God and hate me. And even right now, parenting means a lot of choices to do what is best for my beloved children even when a significant part of me wishes to be elsewhere. Add to this the pretty strong currents of adult selfishness and even outright opposition to “population growth” in Western culture, and I would have plenty of excuses not to beget anybody.

I fall back on the rock: God said I should have children. I trust him. “Be fruitful, and multiply” were, in a sense, commands.

But they were also, in a bigger sense, blessings. Look at the way the key verse in Genesis 1 is phrased:

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:28 ESV)

The commands—1) be fruitful and multiply, 2) fill the earth, 3) subdue the earth, 4) have dominion over the earth—are actually what constitute the divine blessing. It’s like handing a rich meal to someone and telling them, “Enjoy!” It’s a grammatical command (an imperative verb), yes, but the overall meaning is blessing. I build my life on the rock, so I believe even when parenting is unpleasant that it’s a blessing from God. I am participating in what my creator is doing in the world.

The ride

When my first child was born, Huggies somehow found out about it, and they sent us an ad in the mail. It said—I’ll never forget this—“Welcome to THE RIDE.” I’m the dad here, and I’m in charge. I drive the family car and I hold the Roku remote. But there are times when I do just sit back and enjoy the craziness that comes from kids. Occasionally, they’re all talking at the same time, each one of them has a crisis, and my wife and I just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

I see what happens to older folks: the ride ends, their nests go empty and quiet, and they forget what childrearing was like. The energy that kids bring to a home, the life, the spark… It’s missing now. I love how my kids never walk. Every step I hear in this house is followed incredibly quickly by another, because they always run. I like how my kids want to know everything about everything, and how it often doesn’t occur to them that I am not omniscient.

I love these three children of mine very much. All three provide moments of incredible tenderness and humor and insight that I would never trade for more quiet. And I suspect that a poll of 7–11-year-olds in my household would give me an approval rating somewhere north of B+. But they are not my ultimate judges, my Father in heaven is. I will rest on his word, and I will continue to entrust myself to him who judges justly (1 Pet 2:23), knowing that Jesus suffered in my place for every bad parenting grade I’ll ever get.

Three Steps to a New Teenager

Andy Gleiser — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 17:46:29 GMT

“Why don't you just grow up?” Could there be any more unfair words to a teenager? There is no magic growth button young people can press that will automatically mature them into responsible adults. There are daily steps of growth each of us must take to progress in maturity. Only after consistently taking these steps will we grow and change.

And the same can be said for Christian growth. The Bible teaches progressive sanctification for every child of God. Just as a child must steadily grow little by little, so the disciple of Christ progresses from glory to glory one step at a time in Christ.

In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul provides a memorable three-step process of becoming more like Christ every day. But before he shows the pattern, he lays out the truth as it is in Jesus. When your teenager came to faith in Christ, something vital and irreversible occurred to him or her: They died! The old self has been crucified with Christ, the new self has come to life, and every day the Holy Spirit is renewing the mind by God's truth.

I would encourage you to take the time to regularly remind your teens all that has happened to them in Christ. As they grasp their identity in Christ, they will more clearly understand their activity for Him. Their new behavior will flow from their new birth, which brings us to Paul's pattern of Christian conduct.

Beginning in 4:25, the apostle highlights the three-step process to live as a new person in Christ. And he gives it to us as a PATTERN. I emphasize that word pattern because once you see it, you'll continue to see this three-fold pattern all over the New Testament. Few things have helped me more in "living for Christ" than this pattern, so we will focus on it the rest of this post.

Okay, so Paul's pattern of conducting yourself as a Christian has three elements: Negative…Positive…Motive.

Another way to look at it is:

Put off (negative)
Put on (positive)
Christian reason why (motive)

Your Christian teenager longs to grow and change. How do you help? What are the steps to take? The first step is a negative step. Because she has already put off the old self once and for all at the moment of her regeneration, so every day she needs to put off the old corrupt conduct she still wrestles with.

The second step is a positive one. Because she has already put on the new self once and for all at the moment of her regeneration, every day she is to put on the righteous behavior that comes with the new self.

The third step is the motive. She desires to put off the leftover corruption and put on the new righteous conduct because she is a new person in Christ. She understands who she is in Christ. This knowledge motivates her to new living.

Look at the pattern in Ephesians 4.

<thead> <tr> <th>PUT OFF</th> <th class="middie">PUT ON</th> <th>CHRISTIAN REASON WHY</th> </tr> </thead>

<tbody> <tr> <td>(negative)</td> <td class="middie">(positive)</td> <td>(motive)</td> </tr> </tbody>

<tbody> <tr> <td>1. Lying & deceit</td> <td class="middie">Integrity</td> <td>We are members one of another</td> </tr> <tr> <td>2. Sinful anger</td> <td class="middie">Righteous anger</td> <td>Lest Satan gain advantage</td> </tr> <tr> <td>3. Theft</td> <td class="middie">Labor</td> <td>So we might bless others</td> </tr> <tr> <td>4. Corrupt speech</td> <td class="middie">Edification</td> <td>So we might minister grace</td> </tr> <tr class="nobottom"> <td>5. Malice</td> <td class="middie">Forgiveness</td> <td>For God has forgiven us</td> </tr> </tbody> </table>

Though each step to the pattern is vital to Christian growth and change, I would argue that the motive, the "Christian reason why," is most important . For example, many nonbelievers discipline themselves to put off lying in order to tell the truth. What makes this type of living distinctly "Christian" if non-Christians can put off negative conduct and put on positive behavior? It is the motive that makes this conduct Christian and thus pleasing in God's sight.

Let me put it like this: what makes behavior Christian is not what you do but why you do it. This has been so helpful for me in shepherding young children and teenagers in my home and church. We don't just emphasize the conduct; we embrace the Christian reason why we do what we do!

The next time you feel the need to admonish your daughter or son to just "grow up," take them back to Paul's pattern of Christian growth. Have them say it out loud and work out the particulars. Put off…Put on…Christian reason why.

Teachable Moments

Ron Perry — Tue, 08 Feb 2022 00:00:00 GMT

“Dad, can I ask you a question?”

In our house, we are in a season of parenting in which we hear this question frequently. On a recent, two-day camping trip with the girls, I counted a minimum of twelve times that they asked me that question. All children are naturally inquisitive. They are observing, processing, and coming to conclusions. One of our many jobs as parents is to be teachers that provide them with the answers that help them grow and mature appropriately.

Deuteronomy 6:7 says, “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” According to this verse, there is a 24-hour nature to our teaching responsibility. It doesn’t just happen during a block class or a designated time. The instruction of our children is to happen as we live alongside them day in and day out.

Because of this 24-hour responsibility, it is imperative that we consider two items. First, we must take responsibility for creating a teaching atmosphere in our family that is conducive to this 24-hour teaching. Second, we must also learn to recognize the multitude of teachable moments that surface throughout the day and seize them.

Creating a Teaching Atmosphere

In order to create a teaching atmosphere, consider implementing the following two things:

Create seasons of life and times in a day that are free from excessive busyness and noise. Fewer and fewer homes are experiencing seasons of rest and quiet. Extracurricular activities are consuming the schedule. The noise of television, video games, and music blasts through homes, creating a difficult atmosphere to just talk and listen. Most of us are schedulers. We operate with a calendar close by and schedule our lives events. Would you consider beginning to schedule times of quiet and rest? Every classroom teacher knows the value of well-rested children who have learned to sit still and listen quietly.
Strive for good parent/child interaction. It is easy in the busyness of life to just allow the television to do our babysitting for us. When life is busy, we want to send kids to their room or to the yard to get out of our hair so we can accomplish our tasks. If we make a regular habit of these things, we can subtly train our children to stay away from us; they will see themselves as a distraction. But in reality, we ought to want them to be around (especially as they get into their teen years).

Recognizing Teachable Moments

The following are some “walkest-by-the-way” teachable moments to use:

The follow-up conversation after our children observe bad examples. Have you ever watched a child have a tantrum in the store? Have your kids ever seen someone lose their cool in the check-out line? Those bad examples can often be a great opportunity to follow up with a simple conversation that helps our children know what was done wrong and what should have been done.
The follow-up conversation after our children observe good examples. Acts of kindness, gratitude, good behavior, and sweet responses of others can be great opportunities to teach our children. Commend those acts, and explain why they were good!
Preparation for life events. A friend of mine taught Beneth and me a simple principle in parenting: practice in private what you expect in public. Anytime you are about to participate in a public event (church service, dinner at someone’s home, a visit to grandma’s, etc.), take some time ahead of the event to teach and practice behaviors that are expected in those times.
First-hand exposure to people who have had interesting life experiences. I enjoy having people in our home, and I love watching our girls sit and listen to the stories of missionaries who visit us. I like watching their eyes as they hear adults tell of their life experiences. Our girls have heard stories and learned truths from people sitting at our dinner table that they will never forget.
Answer their regular questions with patience, love, and truth. Inquisitive children want answers, and if they don’t get them from us, they will look somewhere else for them. Teachable moments occur every time our children ask questions. Many teachers in the world give wrong answers. But it is imperative that we follow the Deuteronomy 6:7 exhortation and grasp the task of being parents that teach as we “walk by the way.”

May the Lord give us the strength, energy, and wisdom to be great teachers to our children this week.

Entertainment, the Bible, and Your Kids (Part 2)

Chris Lynch — Tue, 01 Feb 2022 00:00:00 GMT

In Part 1 we defined entertainment as “any action that is calculated to provide diversion, pleasure, interest, or amusement”.[^1] By that definition, entertainment is a regular part of our children’s lives, no matter their age. Like so many aspects of living in a fallen world, the realm of entertainment can have redeeming qualities while also being a dangerous minefield!

As parents we must guide our children to entertainment that does not detract from their call to holy living for God’s glory (1 Peter 1:13-16). We must also equip them with truth that will enable them to make wise choices about how they entertain themselves. And in both callings we are properly armed with God’s perfect Word!

Last time we looked at some general truths that should guide our thinking about entertainment.

We saw that our call to holiness requires a vigilant approach to life.
We saw that God desires fun and pleasure for his creatures, but he requires their enjoyment within his boundaries.
We saw that Satan has his own plans for pleasure and is masterful in manipulating those boundaries to hinder our holiness.
And we also saw our own weakness. We cannot trust ourselves to be adequate judges of the entertainment we pursue. And that’s true whether we’re kids or grownups!

Where do we go from here?

So if we can’t trust ourselves, where do we turn? Where do we direct our kids? Scripture should be our main guide in all our entertainment choices. We can trust that perfect inspired guide!

In Part 2 we will look at four issues Scripture addresses that will serve as mental pegs on which to hang our thinking and decisions surrounding entertainment. I trust that these can serve as guiding benchmarks or checks for us as we evaluate each form of entertainment with which our kids could interact. Under each issue we’ll see timeless principles that should govern our thinking—and truths we can present as weapons they will need to utilize in their own development!

1. The Priority Issue: Entertainment to Excess

If there is one abuse of entertainment common in young people, it is the pursuit of it to excess. As humans with natural selfish tendencies and age-related immaturities, our children can show this excess in a pretty unfiltered way. How many of us have told our children it is time for bed only to hear the retort: “But daddy, just one more episode, pleeeeease?!”

Once the pleasures of leisure become our kids’ priority, their God-centered purpose will be hindered. How does the Bible speak to this? What are the timeless principles that will help us develop right priorities?

Redeem your time (Eph.5:15-16). Followers of Jesus have limited time to pursue holiness and bring God glory. A life without some leisure time will produce burnout, but a life that prioritizes leisure minimizes what must be most important for a believer.
Remember your purity (Eph. 5:3). As part of the call to holiness, believers must prioritize our purity. Excessive exposure to entertainment is bound to expose the hearts of our kids to some form of impurity over time. While this may be more visible in our older children, the roots of the weakness can begin far younger.
Realize your purpose (1 Cor. 6:19-20). If your children are believers, they are not their own people anymore. Christ has bought them for the furtherance of God’s glory, not their own pleasures (even wholesome ones). Model and teach that mindset with your entertainment choices in your home.

2. The Reality Issue: Escapism and Distraction

This issue may be the most subtle of the four, but Scripture’s warnings reveal to us the danger of looking to entertainment as a means to escape our realities. An escape to a more magical or captivating place still can be alluring, even to young children. That desire only grows as the difficulties of the teen years mount. Imagination is a gift for children, and we as fathers shouldn’t squelch it. But neither should we subconsciously encourage a regular departure from reality through the entertainment choices we make as families.

Remember true reality. God is real, sovereign, and worthy of our submission and focus (Daniel 4:34-35). He desires a real relationship with you (John 15:8-11), one that is only possible if you actively pursue it daily. We must also teach our children that life can be difficult and unsatisfying (Psalm 34:19; Ecclesiastes 1:2-3). That natural emptiness should drive us to that relationship with him as the source of fullness and joy! Escape and distraction are natural responses but not Biblical solutions.
You have a real calling to stay focused on. A passionate pursuit of holy living (2 Tim. 2:22) calls for a warrior-like focus on pleasing our commander (2 Tim. 2:4) instead of getting entangled (i.e., distracted) by our surroundings.

3. The Worldliness Issue: Lusts of the Heart

Scripture warns us of the effect of “the world” (the planet-wide system of sinful hearts hostile to God) and of our tendency to love it. 1 John 2:15-17 provides that warning in stark terms. Worldliness is a lifestyle of pursuing temporal desires without regard for God’s eternal guidelines. Even our children are prone to it. Their natural desires (lusts) ensure that. As we said in Part 1, the entertainment available to our families is created by fallen people. Its source is “the world”. Its content is going to at least be laced with marred and godless thinking and actions, if not pervaded by them. We must be wary. How can Scripture help?

You are zealous for good works now (Titus 2:14). Our new life in Christ is displayed through the development of new desires and actions, including in our entertainment choices. Even if you’re a kid!
You can only follow one set of ideals (Romans 12:2). Our transformation is an ongoing process brought on by constant exposure to God’s Word (“renewal of your mind”), not by saturation of the world’s content.
The Word holds God’s people to a high standard (Deut. 7:26). We must detest and avoid anything entering our homes and hearts that could be destructive. That is the standard we have been given.
Be defined by Christ, not society (Ephesians 5:7-12). Our surroundings are described as darkness. Your believing children are described as children of light. Let’s be sure they are being saturated by that which will enhance their light rather than what could expose them to darkness.

4. The Worship Issue: God or Self

Worship is simply ascribing ultimate worth to someone or something held in extremely high regard. We express worship publicly (through our actions) and privately in our own hearts, but everyone does it. Everyone worships. What we ascribe ultimate worth to is our object of worship. We worship what has primacy in our hearts. And our choices and actions ultimately reveal outwardly what or who occupies that place. In the end we only worship one of two entities: God or ourselves. All other loves and passions outside of God himself find their source in the primacy of self. And, as is true of all our choices, our entertainment reveals who we worship, no matter what we may say. What principles of Scripture can we focus on that will keep our worship in its rightful place?

God alone is worthy of worship (Rev. 5:13-14). Worship of self in all its forms is folly, counterfeit, empty, and fundamentally blasphemous.
Your life is to be an act of worship (Rom. 12:1). As we have already seen, we exist to reflect his holiness and bring him glory in everything we do.
Selfish pursuits are not worth our focus (Ps. 101:3). This verse is often used in entertainment contexts, but it reaches far beyond in application. Pursuit of self-centered pleasure (self-worship) is worthless. Viewing them as such will help us turn away.

Two Concluding Thoughts

That’s a lot to take in! But each truth is a weapon to use against the enemy and a tool to guide our choices. And each one is something our children must know. But don’t forget to use these last two truths in your instruction too! I hope they’re encouraging.

Develop the skill of wise discernment. You may have noticed that I’ve included very few specific applications here. That’s intentional, but not just because every family situation is different (though that is true). Eph. 5:10 instructs us to “try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.” God’s Word doesn’t give us a rigid set of guidelines to robotically follow with our entertainment choices. It gives us truth that takes wisdom, prayer, and earnest, focused, hard work to apply. That drives us to God for help. The truths we’ve seen here provide us with the tools with which we prayerfully apply with the Spirit’s help. Ask him for wisdom; you’ll need it and he provides it (James 1:5)! Exercise that mindset yourself so you can model it for your children.
Cling to the ultimate source of pleasure, joy, and satisfaction. Let the words of Psalm 16:11 be our final focus as we conclude. Look at this; it is powerful: “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Dads, we have a high calling here in our pleasure choices. But it’s not one full of drudgery or one devoid of joy. God alone and a relationship with Him gives full, true joy. That is far better than anything earthly entertainment can fleetingly provide. And guess what—that good pleasure found in Him lasts forever. Can you or your kids think of anything better than that?

[^1]: Taken from Upright Downtime by Brian Hand (BJU Press, 2008) page 4.

Entertainment, the Bible, and Your Kids (Part 1)

Chris Lynch — Tue, 25 Jan 2022 00:00:00 GMT

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A few weeks ago, my son tested positive for COVID-19. We all immediately knew what that meant: we were all going to be stuck in the house together for a few days! While that is certainly not a bad thing, we did need to come up with some creative ways to fill all the time we would usually be spending out and about.

Naturally, my wife started thinking of all the home projects that could get done. Of course, the kids had some ideas—most of them related to watching lots of movies and their favorite kids’ programming on TV. It shocked me how automatic their response was: we’re sick, we’re stuck at home… let’s watch stuff! Why would we not?!

Our children love to be entertained. They are excited, committed, shameless consumers of amusement. They enjoy the diversions that are so readily available all around them today. And that’s not all bad. Those amusements can provide laughs, fun family times and memories, and points of connection with others.

But the little consumers God has entrusted to us are also prone to the negative impacts of entertainment. Some of those negative impacts are blatant and easy to spot, while others are more subtle. Often the more hidden dangers have more to do with the contents of their own sinful hearts than any blatant outside influence. But once again we have an opportunity as dads to direct them to the perfect guide for life—a guide that can help them think through and wisely consume all forms of entertainment.

My goal is to arm us from God’s wonderful Word with a few simple truths and principles that can guide us as we determine the entertainment to which our kids are exposed. And as we take action based on those truths, we have the opportunity and responsibility to show them why—so they are equipped to think biblically, too! From early elementary through the teen years, they can do that!

Definitions and Foundations

In Part 1 we’ll focus primarily on some foundational thoughts as we prepare to dig into those principles in Part 2. Defining what we mean by entertainment seems like a good place to start.

We could define entertainment as “any action that is calculated to provide diversion, pleasure, interest, or amusement.”[^1] This definition covers quite the broad spectrum of activities for our kids. It includes the more common forms of entertainment we typically think of when we hear the term (things like TV, movies, gaming, internet, and music). But it also could include broader categories such as hobbies, leisure, and recreation. While most of our application points will focus on the former categories, the truths we will see from Scripture speak to those broader categories too.

1 Peter 1:13-16 provides us with a great starting point on entertainment choices for our kids. As God’s people they are called to be holy—set apart and specially dedicated to God. That pursuit requires us to be prepared and alert to the subtleties around us (13a) and to rely fully on God’s great grace for help (13b). We must remember what we’ve been saved from and how much of a natural pull those desires still have on us (14).

According to verses 15-16, the ultimate standard for a believer’s choices and conduct is holiness for God’s glory. Not my natural likes or dislikes, not my preferences, not my excuses or feelings, but God’s glory. That’s the goal for everything, including how I entertain myself. What I do must reflect his holiness.

Scripture and Entertainment

The Bible may not specifically critique the current animated shows on Nickelodeon or provide an inspired review of the latest animated Disney movie, but it does direct us as we make entertainment choices for our kids (and as we teach them to do the same). Here are some overarching realities God’s Word instructs us to remember.

1. God has a plan for entertainment.

God is the Creator and ultimate Source of all good pleasure (Gen. 1:28-30). He wants his creatures to enjoy life! Scripture highly approves of pleasure, but only within God’s boundaries. Pursuing pleasure outside of his boundaries is dangerous and condemned (Gen. 2:16-17). Our children must know that God has boundaries and that we need to give concerted effort to find and discern what they are.

2. Your enemy has his own plan for entertainment.

Satan is a master deceiver (Gen. 3:1-5; John 8:44b). He is also a master of counterfeits (2 Cor. 11:14). Our enemy is quite capable of using something that seems wholesome, innocent, and even positive to his own ends. He effectively uses the systems and structures of this world as powerful tools to accomplish those ends (1 John 5:19).

He wants to use entertainment to subtly affect your thinking (as opposed to God’s Word doing so). He wants to subtly hinder your ability to be holy for the glory of your God. And he’ll gladly use leisure habits developed at an early age to accomplish both those goals. We must be vigilant to foster something different in our children.

3. Your own tendencies should concern you.

Your heart is naturally deceitful (Jer. 17:9). Your natural desires lead to sin (James 1:14-15). You’re no better than Adam and Eve; your heart is easily drawn to Satan’s counterfeits (Gen. 3:6). In short, we cannot trust ourselves to be adequate judges of the entertainment we pursue. And that’s true whether we’re kids or grownups!

What can we conclude?

In short, the realm of entertainment must be viewed as a battleground, just like any other area as our children proceed through their developmental years. Our entertainment choices are ultimately a reflection of our hearts. And left to ourselves, that’s not a good thing.

Your child’s pleading for screen time does not naturally flow from a place of innocence. Your teen’s audiobook selections don’t either. They may not know it, but their natural desires are in play, and that’s dangerous. Our natural desires, left unchecked or unsanctified, are disastrous determiners of our entertainment choices.

And so is the world’s system. There are plenty of wholesome and non-objectionable options out there for our kids. It is certainly possible to find redeemable and even admirable content for their consumption. But we must remember two things:

First of all, entertainment produced by humans flows from hearts just like we described in the previous paragraph. All of it. Both its design and intended effect are governed not by holiness but by marred fallen motives.
Second, our enemy intends to use it for his own ends. And as a master deceiver he is immensely effective at it.

I’m not trying to freak us out. I’m not saying your child or teen always has the most devious intentions possible as they make their entertainment choices. I am in no way suggesting that we cloister our children from all forms of entertainment provided by this world. But we need to be wary of our enemy and his masterful wielding of the tools at his disposal. And we need to acknowledge the reality of our own hearts and how they direct our desires in the entertainment we pursue.

So if we can’t trust ourselves, where do we turn? Where do we direct our kids? Scripture should be our main guide in all our entertainment choices. We can trust that perfect inspired guide! That’s where we will go in Part 2 of this post still to come. We will look at several timeless principles that will serve as mental pegs on which to hang our thinking and decisions surrounding entertainment.

Though written thousands of years ago, God’s Word is just as alive and profitable as ever. And that will continue to be true for the next generation, too! Aren’t you thankful for that?!

[^1]: Taken from Upright Downtime by Brian Hand (BJU Press, 2008) page 4.

How to Use the Most Powerful Parenting Tool

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 18 Jan 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Every boy loves a tool. One of the favorite gifts my two-year-old son received for Christmas this year was a toy drill. As soon as the gift was unwrapped, Klayton threw back his shoulders, announced that he had to “do work,” and went to secure the screws on his newly acquired train table. Only time will tell if this new drill surpasses the leaf blower my son received for his birthday last summer.

Tools can be fun, but more importantly, they’re useful. They allow us to accomplish things we could not otherwise have done (unless, of course, your tool is a toy like my son Klayton’s drill—but don’t tell him that). As a man, you may have a favorite power tool. What is your favorite parenting tool? The most important parenting tool is described in 2 Timothy 3:16–17.

“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

These verses are often referenced for their emphasis on inspiration. Verse 16 says that every word of Scripture comes directly from God with the implication being that all of it is completely without error. We call this doctrine “inerrancy,” and it is absolutely foundational.

However, believe it or not, Paul’s emphasis in these verses is not inspiration but another doctrine called “sufficiency.” Paul goes on to say that inspired Scripture is profitable—so profitable, in fact, that it is also sufficient to complete and fully equip the man of God for his work.

You don’t need a master’s degree in psychology or ten years’ managerial experience in the corporate world to be a good pastor (“man of God”). At the end of the day, the only tool you really need is your Bible. That truth has powerful implications for pastoring, but it also has also has powerful implications for parenting.

Dad, Read Your Bible

Christian dad, if you want to be effective, know your Bible. Read it. Listen to it. Study it. Memorize it. Meditate on it. Pray it back to the Lord. Sing songs with biblically rich lyrics. As Paul said in Colossians 3, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom” (Col 3:16).

However, just like with any tool, it’s not enough simply to know about all its parts. You also must learn how to use it.

One of my most effective ministry tools is a Bible study software called “Logos.” The program helps me to perform many otherwise laborious, time-intensive research tasks instantaneously. With the click of my mouse, I can parse any Hebrew word, or pull up an exhaustive list of every time a particular Greek word is used in the New Testament.

However, I haven’t always utilized Logos as effectively as I do now. Somewhere along the line, someone encouraged me to buy the set of training videos the company produces so that I would know how to get the most out of their software. Those videos were expensive, but boy were they worth it!

2 Timothy 3:16–17 is like an inspired instruction manual about how to use the Bible. It says that Scripture is profitable for… “doctrine,” “reproof,” “correction,” and “instruction in righteousness.” Paul uses these particular words intentionally.

“Doctrine” is teaching true ideas about God and His world. (For example, “Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.”)
“Reproof” is rebuking false ideas about God and His world. (“Marriage is not the union of two men or two women.”)
“Correction” is rebuking wrong behavior. (“Don’t yell at your wife. That’s not how Christ treats the church.”)
“Instruction in righteousness” is teaching right behavior. (“Instead of yelling at your wife, honor her and be sensitive. Go on a date, ask questions, and listen. Then pray and point her to Jesus.”)

Items 1 and 4 on the list are about instilling what is good. Items 2 and 3 are about rebuking what is bad. Items 1–2 are about what you believe. Items 3–4 are about how you live your life. Put together, these words form a short, yet comprehensive list about how to use Scripture. In this post, I’d like to focus on the first use of Scripture: “doctrine.”

Use Scripture to instill a Christian worldview in your children.

I am currently reading a book called The Universe Next Door, by James Sire. The point of that book’s title is that everyone has a lens through which he or she views the world. That lens is called a “worldview,” and it radically shapes the way you interact with the world. Two people can be living next door to each other and yet be looking at essentially different worlds.

Your children must view the world through the lens of Scripture. If you asked your eight-year-old daughter, “What makes a human different from an animal?” would she know the answer? Does your five-year-old son know why Jesus died on the cross? How well would your teen do talking with an unbelieving friend at school about issues of faith?

How well do your kids know the content of the Bible? Can they say the books of the Bible in order? Have they memorized important biblical lists like the Ten Commandments or the six days of creation? Could they recite important passages like the Lord’s Prayer?

Doctrinal teaching is the most important use of the Bible because truth is our foundation. Therefore, every other use of Scripture derives from this one. Jesus said, “Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth” (John 17:17).

How to Improve at Teaching Your Children

How can we improve at teaching our children doctrine? Here are three simple suggestions.

Go to church.
Aside from all the other good, biblical reasons to attend church, do it for the sake of your children. Your kids won’t know the Bible like they should if you don’t attend church weekly. That statement may be hard for some people to swallow, but it is biblical. God’s pattern has always been for His people to gather to worship Him weekly. I am consistently surprised at how much my children learn about God at church vs. how much they learn from me at home—and I have a master’s degree in Bible! There simply is no substitute for the regular, systematic teaching afforded by a solid local church.
Add Sunday school or Wednesday night to your weekly routine.
If you already have a habit of Sunday morning church attendance, that’s great! Now, consider adding a service. Many churches offer age-graded instruction for children on Sunday mornings or on Wednesday night. What a perfect opportunity to enroll your kids in an additional Bible program led by gifted, experienced teachers! Sadly, many parents fail to take advantage of these opportunities.
Strengthen family worship.
Your family worship (or “devotions”) time is the flagship Bible teaching time in your home. Therefore, one of the best ways to improve at instructing your children is to beef up family worship. (If your family doesn’t currently have a habit of regular family worship, I would encourage you to check out this article to learn more about it.) How can you make your teaching time during family worship more valuable for your children? The answer will be different for every dad. Maybe you could tell the story instead of just reading it. Maybe you could ask your children more questions. Perhaps your family would enjoy role playing a Bible story. Maybe you want to include an object lesson. Some families may be able to handle a catechism memory program. After working on writing this section, I approached family devotions differently last night. Instead of just reading the story of Jonah out of the book, I told it in my own words. I tried to be expressive and to “get into” the story. My four-year-old daughter Mollie is quiet and rarely volunteers input, so I tried to make eye contact with her and asked her questions. Then, at the end of the story, I made a couple brief applications to obeying God and loving other people. It didn’t take much, but I’m pretty sure that was the most effective family worship time the Schaal family has had in a while! Today at lunch, I referenced the Lord’s Prayer, and none of my children knew it, so we are going to start memorizing that together this evening. For many dads, the ideas I just shared will seem daunting. Don’t worry! You don’t need a degree in Bible to lead your family in worship! Just start small and try to be consistent. God will use you! In addition, there are many resources available to help.

Quality Resources

Here are some of the resources I have used to teach my children the Bible:

The New Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes and The Jesus Storybook Bible are two good Bible story books for young children. Although it’s more of a short overview, Kevin DeYoung’s The Biggest Story is another excellent resource for teaching children the storyline of the Bible.
Leading Little Ones to God and The Ology address biblical truth topically. Leading Little Ones to God is geared more for young children, while The Ology is better for older elementary-aged children.
One great way to inspire your kids to serve the Lord is to read them Christian biographies. The Christian Heroes: Then and Now series is a fast-paced adventure-style series of missionary biographies written for older children or teens.
For hundreds of years, the book that had sold the most copies apart from the Bible was Pilgrim’s Progress—and this old classic is still a great tool for teaching kids! Try this modern English translation so you don’t have to wade through the “thee’s” and “thou’s.” Or, try this simplified version of Pilgrim’s Progress with pictures for young children. (See also Part 2 about Christianna’s journey.)

Of course, the most straightforward way to teach your children the Scriptures is simply to read them the Scriptures! Start with one of the gospels and read from a modern English version to aid their understanding.

Conclusion

In summary, the Bible is your best parenting power tool, but you must know how to use it. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says that the Bible has four uses, the first of which is “doctrine.” We use the Bible for doctrine when we instill a Bible-based Christian worldview into our children.

Growing up, we used to sing a silly little song in family devotions. (The most memorable thing about the song was it had a ridiculously long phrase in it that you were supposed to sing all at once, without taking a breath.) I don’t remember the title, but a phrase from the chorus said, “Truth is the most important treasure in this world today.”

We live in a world in which truth is devalued. Many people even deny it exists! However, we as Christians believe that absolute truth is found in the Bible. Perhaps the most important thing you can do for your kids is teach them that truth. Use the Bible—your most powerful parenting tool—to give your children a Christian worldview.

What Did You Expect?

Brandon Potvin — Tue, 11 Jan 2022 00:00:00 GMT

Although I was not raised in a Christian home, I was raised by grandparents who loved me and desired the best for me. They sacrificed greatly in order to provide a stable environment and material well-being. They modeled and expected me to work hard, get good grades, primarily so I could get a good job, spend wisely and be a decent person.

For the most part, I lived up to those expectations. However achieving success in those areas did not provide what I really needed, a relationship with God. Instead, they drove me further from God by causing me to rely on myself.

Based on my personal experience and many years working with teens I have observed that teens are generally inclined to conform to the expectations of their parents. Because the goals we set can be so influential it is crucial that our expectations are shaped by God’s Word and not the world around us.

Shaping Expectations

Some parents have the expectation that teenage defiance is just a fact of life. The caricature of teenage rebellion is ubiquitous in our culture. These parents assume the teenage years are going to be difficult and they just hope to weather the storm. These parents may feel like giving up, and would rather just get along with their teen than disciple them. This hands-off parenting style is effectively critiqued in the film “Rebel Without a Cause”. The reason the main character (Jim, played by James Dean) does not have a cause, is the failure of his parents, particularly his father, to guide him.

Other parents may demand perfection, expecting teens to excel academically, athletically or artistically. They are more likely to respond in anger or frustration when their teens struggle. This type of parenting may stem from pride. A desire to be respected by our peers because of the success of our child. Certainly, it is not wrong to desire for your child to be successful. However, that success should be for the furtherance of God’s glory, not theirs and not our own.

Others have expectations similar to my grandparents. Good grades, good job, etc. Again, nothing wrong with those things, but is that what God really wants from our children?

When it comes to our goals for our teens, the most important question to consider is, “What does God expect?”. The answer is not elusive. It is the same for teens as it is for us. Although the Bible has something to tell us about the experiences of teenagers, the Bible does not treat teenagers as a special category.

We have one account of Jesus as a pre-teen where he is found in the temple listening and asking questions, then his teenage years are summed up in Luke 2:52, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.”

In Colossians 1:28–29 Paul explains his life mission is to see believers grow in maturity. Peter sums it up this way in 2 Peter 3:18 “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.” Spiritual growth is a process which starts the moment we are regenerated and continues our entire life. There is no pause for the teen years. In Proverbs 23:15–28 a father provides some practical advice for his son. He warns about the dangers of the envy of sinners, drunkenness, indulgence which leads to poverty, and sexual temptation. Four times in the passage he emphasizes the need for a heart of wisdom. The very thing we are told in Luke 2:52 Jesus was developing.

Helping our teen’s meet godly expectations

I mentioned a very general goal for our teens as growing in grace and increasing in wisdom. What does that practically look like and how can we help our teens in that process?

Model the expectation

Proverbs 23:26 reads, “My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.” This verse reminds us that our desire is to reach the heart of our teens. We need to emphasize development of character over outward conformity. Secondly this verse admonishes us to set an example.

There is no doubt your teen is observing your ways, are you modeling the kind of behavior you expect? (Matthew 10:24–25). This requires us to be vulnerable, even allowing our teens to see how we handle difficult moments and requires us to spend time with them.

Encourage service to others

Teenagers are notorious for forming cliques. In most cases this probably is not a stubborn unwillingness to engage others. The teen period can be an awkward time of transition in their life. They are looking for places of acceptance and may fear what others will think of them. It doesn’t help when adults may often have similar apprehension about reaching out to teens (Cliques are not just a teen problem). We need to minister to and receive the ministry of the entire body (see 1 Corinthians 12:12–27), people of varying ages, experience, giftedness, and the like.

One way we can do this is to include our teens in ministry. This can actually accomplish both setting an example and encouraging service. If you teach junior church, have your teen assist. If you are visiting somebody in need, bring your teen along. When you help somebody move, include your teen. You get the idea.

Embrace your teens questions about faith

In Deuteronomy 6 starting in verse 4 Moses exhorts parents to love the Lord and to diligently teach their children God’s word. Then in verse 10 he warns the parents of the next generation. When God brings them into the Promised Land with houses and cities they did not build and gardens they did not plant, they should not forget God or go after the gods of the people around them. Why are they particularly prone to forget? They did not see God’s power in leading them out of Egypt or in defeating the Canaanites. Our teens have not endured the struggles we have, the gods of this world look tempting to them (as they do us).

When our teens struggle and have questions we should not rebuke them for their unbelief but encourage them to study the Word and to seek and trust God. We should provide honest, thoughtful answers to their questions. Some of their questions will be difficult and we may not have all the answers. That’s ok. It is better to say “I don’t know”, or lets study this together than to give superficial answers.

Demonstrate the priority of mercy and grace when they sin

How are we going to respond when we find out our teen has been cheating at school, took the car without permission, has been vaping, drinking alcohol, smoking maijuana, has been looking at porn, is involved with somebody sexually or a host of other sins we pray they will not commit? Is our immediate response to blow up? To ask “How could you do this to me?” say things like “What is wrong with you?”, “We raised you better than this”, “What will people at church think?”, “I don’t have time to deal with this”. Those reactions are likely to harden our teens' hearts rather than draw them to God.

I am not at all suggesting we dismiss their sin, but the reactions above indicate concern about our embarrassment, reputation and convenience more than they do a love for our teen. Listen to how God describes himself in Exodus 34:6–7.

“The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

While God does not overlook sin His inclination toward us is to show mercy, grace and love. He does not “blow up” at us, but is slow to anger.

We might look at the sins of our teens as evidence of our own failure, an affront to us as parents or an indication our teen is out of control. Although there may be elements of those we should primarily consider them moments of opportunity. They are opportunities we can squander by our own sin and push our teens away from God or by God’s grace we can point them to a gracious God who can forgive their sin and enable them to follow Him.

Conclusion

There may be some truth to the expression written by eighteenth-century poet, Alexander Pope, “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

However, when it comes to raising our teenagers, the goal must be more than the avoidance of disappointment. God has given us the privilege and responsibility to raise children who will follow him. (Ephesians 6:4)

Searching for Wisdom Pyramid Book Review

John Pate — Tue, 04 Jan 2022 00:00:00 GMT

As we stand just within the front door of a new year, I’d like to recommend you read something.

I usually recommend books to people if they do one of two things for me: (1) radically shape my thinking or (2) substantially impact my practice (both, obviously, for the better). The Wisdom Pyramid by Brett McCracken does both. I’m encouraging you to read The Wisdom Pyramid, not because it’s an infallible source of wisdom, but because I believe it can help direct you to healthy sources of wisdom as you navigate the information overload coming your way in 2022.

Published near the height of the COVID curve in 2021, The Wisdom Pyramid addresses the great dearth of wisdom present in our world and calls Christians to “recover habits of wisdom in their own lives” (23). In a sense this book can act a little like one of those Local Guides on Google Reviews, giving recommendations to help you know where to go to “be like a tree planted by streams of water” (Psalm 1:3).

If you’re a believing dad, you, like me, want to be wise, and you want to bless your family with wisdom. That task is a huge part of our job as fathers (see Deut. 6:7; Prov. 5:1; Eph. 6:4). Sometimes, however, we struggle to share God’s wisdom with our families because our hearts are not themselves storehouses of wisdom. Wisdom is not found on our lips, for wisdom is not at home in our hearts.

In that sense the solution is simple. We need an input adjustment. This book captures the simplicity of this reality, and it starts with the front cover. If you were merely to take a few moments to study the front cover of this book, you might draw some benefit for your new year.

Adapting the concept of the Food Pyramid, McCracken proposes a version that could guide our soul intake, consuming from the bottom layer most plentifully and the top layer most cautiously. Using this picture McCracken provides a biblically-informed paradigm to help us make our wisdom decisions.[^1]

We Are Making Ourselves Sick

McCracken starts with the heart of the problem. We are making ourselves sick. We are doing so by consuming too much information, consuming it too quickly, and consuming only what tastes good to us.

1. Too Much
Unlike many previous generations, we have more information coming at us than we can thoughtfully digest. In the span of a few minutes, we have a front-row seat to “political protests in Venezuela, volcanic eruption in New Zealand, a snake found in a toilet in Florida, and so on” (32).

2. Too Fast
This information is also coming at us too fast. We develop an appetite for “perpetual novelty.” Instead of taking time to digest worthwhile information, we choose rather to give fleeting tastes to every up-to-date distraction that appears in our feed. This constant flash of novelty is rewiring our brains and making it difficult to give concentrated thought to timeless truth. It’s also making us vulnerable to lies and fake news, since new tends to appeal more than true.

3. Too Individualistic
To make us even sicker, with the help of personalization algorithms, we tend to consume information that mirrors our biases and personal tastes. We care less about a source’s credentials and more about whether it resonates with the echo chamber of “my truth.”

We Need to Eat Better

After exposing the sickness, McCracken dives into the solution. We need better intake habits. The sources he outlines, when given their proper place, can act as a tonic for the sickness present in our world and our souls.

1. The Bible
He starts, for obvious reasons, with the Bible. The Bible isn’t just the most-important source of wisdom; it is the foundation for wisdom by which all other sources are evaluated. Unlike all the other information whirling around us, the Bible is infallible. As we immerse ourselves in it, it shapes us. We do not shape it. Unfortunately, as McCracken observes, “our Wisdom Pyramids are often upside down. What should be the base level—God’s eternal word—is often relegated to the ‘use sparingly’ top” (84).

2. The Church
The church community not only grounds us in wisdom; it also combats the foolishness and individualism of our age. “Everything ever tweeted and the most-viewed viral videos will be forgotten ashes in the embers of history, but the church will remain” (99).

3. Nature
“The heavens declare the glory of God” (Psalm 19:1). McCracken calls nature “a prism and amplifier of God’s glory. It’s a theater, a canvas, a cathedral, but God is always at center stage” (103). Increasingly, people spend their lives in “concrete jungles and screen-mediated virtual worlds,” and “it’s making us crazy” (107). As we slow down to listen to what God has made, it will speak wisdom to us! It will tell us about our Creator, and we will be prompted to love Him more.

4. Books
It seems that many dads either don’t like books, or we tend to read only one kind of book. McCracken proposes that “the act of reading a book is literally the act of being ‘quick to listen, slow to speak’” (119). Reading books teaches our brains to think better, “forcing us to sit with one writer’s perspective for long enough to really grapple with it” (122). At the end of this chapter, McCracken gives a helpful guide to choosing which books to read, one that challenged me to begin reading more widely.

5. Beauty
In the age of information overload, we are prone to consume too quickly, but beauty has the opposite effect. It slows us down and gives feeling to truths we struggle to put into words. “Beauty renders us mute. Oh how we need this in our noisy age! When we encounter something beautiful our first instinct should not be to take a selfie with it. Rather, we should be still, quiet, and amazed” (138).

6. Internet and Social Media.
Perhaps the most notable aspect of this chapter is that, according to this book, your smartphone can be a source of wisdom. Against the trend of knee-jerk digital detoxes, McCracken makes the case that we should aim to engage with the internet world in a wise, distinctive way. He concludes with five helpful habits which present a distinctly-Christian way of engaging online.

Wisdom and Worship

Somewhere in the book, it dawned on me that it’s not about information after all. It’s actually about worship. Why do I reach for my phone to fill a blank space in my day? Why do I need to listen to talk-radio hosts tell me stuff I already know? Why would I rather read someone’s online rant than read the wonderful words of life?

It’s because, in those moments, I’m thirsty, I need a drink, and I’m choosing not to drink from the “fountain of living waters” (Jer. 2:13).

As McCracken observes, “at the end of the day, wisdom is less about information than orientation. . . .Wisdom is worship” (163, 65). What you listen to reveals what you are worshipping. Who you listen to reveals who you love.

In 2022 let’s seek to follow our Savior by seeking out “the wisdom that is from above” (James 3:17). And let’s pray that, by God’s grace, our families will do the same.

[^1]: At times I found myself wishing for more practical advice, but this book is probably too short to dive too deeply into practice. It is certainly more paradigmatic than it is practical.

Back to the Beginning: Teaching Genesis 1-11 to our Kids

Chris Lynch — Tue, 28 Dec 2021 00:00:00 GMT

We trust that you and your family had a wonderful and Christ-honoring Christmas! We hope the memories made were special and that you were able to focus as a family on the inexpressible gift of Christ. But now that Christmas is behind us, we naturally turn our attention to the new year. Whether reviewing the events of the past year or debating what resolution to try to tackle this year, it’s a time to ponder new beginnings. Such thoughts got me thinking about another “beginning” — the beginning of the Bible.

If you open God’s Word and start reading on page 1, it won’t take long at all for you to find the word “beginning”! Aside from John 3:16, no Bible verse is more well-known than Genesis 1:1: “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” That simple statement initiates a section of Scripture that is foundational to our faith. If these truths are so central, should we not intentionally expose our children to them?

Genesis chapters 1-11 (from creation to the Tower of Babel) present simple realities about God, us, and our relationship to him. Here we learn about how things were supposed to be in this universe—and why they’re a mess instead. In a sense, we find the central core of absolute truth in these chapters in the form of timeless and central realities our kids can understand. These are truths that we are responsible to teach them, to show them. Let’s investigate together how we can use this section of Scripture to do just that. Let’s use the weapon of these “beginning” chapters help our children construct a foundation of God’s reality!

Approaching Genesis 1–11 with your child

This section of Scripture is especially pertinent for young believing minds that are just beginning to grow in their faith. As you begin a new year, I’d suggest that you consider taking the opportunity at some point to take a brief journey through these chapters as a family. Encourage your children to read them with you. Look for timeless foundational truths together. Discuss them together. Take a chapter at a time if needed; there’s plenty to find! Show them that the foundational truths we believe are not complicated, and they’re right here—pure gold right on the surface and presented in a captivating narrative!

I’ve attempted to provide a basic guide for this journey of discovery below by presenting five truths. They’re certainly not exhaustive but I trust it hits the main highlights.

I’ve tried to write the outline in language that even younger children can understand. You can utilize this list in numerous ways; you could give your children the five overarching truths below and task them with finding evidence for them in the chapters (perhaps a good exercise for older kids), or you can simply read verse by verse and point out these core truths along the way. Either way, your children can find them and understand them! And they’re truths that can enable them to stand for a lifetime on God’s timeless truth in the face of falsehood.

Truth 1: The God of the Bible is the great Creator.

He alone is God. We see this right from the first verse. The story of everything starts with him and only him. John 1:3 backs this up (in reference to God the Son in particular): he is the source of literally everything. He is the only uncreated entity in the universe.
He owns everything. If you make something, you own it. It’s yours. As the maker of everything, God has the prerogative to do whatever he pleases to any part of creation. When we read these chapters, we may wonder things like “why did he not keep Satan away” or “why did he choose to destroy it all”, but in the end it’s all his. He can do what he deems best with all he has made.
He is in charge. Right from the start, in the very act of creation itself, God is issuing commands. And every part of creation responds by fulfilling his word. This truth becomes especially clear and pertinent to us as we read about Day Six of creation. He gave mankind commands to obey (1:28-30) and boundaries to abide by (2:16-17). He also made humans male and female. That is a timeless truth that cannot be altered or reinterpreted—because he is in charge.
Everything he does is perfect. Throughout chapter 1 each act of creation is described as “good” or “very good” (1:31). That isn’t just true of God’s initial acts of creation. This is a timeless truth. Everything that God does is good. Everything he does is also just, shown through his cursing of creation in ch. 3. Even the completeness of his judgment through the Flood shows his perfection (7:19-24). He always does what is good, just, right, and perfect.

Truth 2: The one true God made mankind special.

We bring him glory in a special way. While all of creation was made for God’s pleasure, he put a special imprint on people when he created us. He made us in his image (1:26-27), which means that we reflect him. We resemble Him in certain characteristics and personality, we represent Him in creation, we communicate with him uniquely, and we can relate to Him in a special way. He owns us, we resemble Him, and we represent Him. We were created to be uniquely God-centered creatures. All these aspects bring God pleasure and glory.
We spread his glory in a special way. Andrew French’s two-part article from earlier this month covers the dominion principle (1:28) in detail, so I heartily direct you there for far more well-written and thorough synopsis and application![^1] But simply put, to quote his article, “fundamental to our humanity is God-intended work”. The God-ordained work we accomplish on this earth glorifies him.
We can be close to him in a special way. As a result of our creation in his image, we can know him personally. Adam and Eve enjoyed this from the outset of creation, and the account of Enoch in 5:24 shows us that, even though the Fall has marred the closeness enjoyed in the Garden of Eden, we can still enjoy intimate fellowship with God.

Truth 3: Man’s choice to sin affects everything.

Creation is broken. The Fall has relegated creation itself to corruption (6:12). Mankind’s sin results in creation’s suffering. Everything God created as good is now subject to collapse and decline—because of sin.
People are broken. Humanity’s plunge into disastrous brokenness is starkly noticeable in these chapters. Created for God’s ends, people now reject God’s worthy rule through disobedience (ch. 3). They show shocking presumption when pursuing selfish ends (6:2). They display a disastrous tendency toward self-sufficiency (11:2-4). Lamech’s blatant vengefulness disproportionate to what was done to him—not to mention his polygamy—reveals how low mankind fell, and how quickly he got there (4:23-24).
Relationships are broken. Because of sin, man is tragically separated from God (3:8; 24). The harmony of even the closest of human relationships is blemished by sin, as evidenced by Adam’s blame-shifting in 3:12. Brothers turn on each other and commit murder (ch. 4). 6:11 references the earth being consumed with violence—interpersonal acts of animosity. Even man’s harmonious relationship with nature is marred (3:17-19).
God’s heart is broken. Genesis 6:6-7 shows how much man’s sin broke God’s heart. The “regret” and “grief” in these verses reveal a combination of rage and agony. God is not repenting here for something he did wrong. He sees that his creation now cannot fulfill his original purpose for it, and he can no longer allow this to continue. But he also knows it didn’t have to be this way. He loves those who have turned from him. He has invested immensely in them by imprinting his image in them. And all that brings great grief to him. He is pained by it and by the fact that he knows he must judge it. Sin breaks God’s heart.

Truth 4: Man’s choice to sin has consequences.

Sin results in pain. God curses man and woman in 3:16-19, and much of the consequences brought on Adam and Eve involve pain. Suffering, hardship, sickness, and hurting of all kinds are present in this world because of sin. In 4:25 Eve shows a glimpse into the pain she no doubt experienced when Abel was murdered by acknowledging that Seth’s birth filled a void left by Abel’s death. Sin brings agony. Of all types.
Sin results in chaos. Look at how quickly sin spiraled from a “simple” act of disobedience (ch. 3) to calloused murder (ch. 4). Sin always produces disarray and turmoil. The account of 6:1-12 portrays the end result of people doing what they please. The chaos of Chapter 11 reveals that the chaos in this world is, in part, a form of punishment. Confusion is both produced by sin and a penalty for it.
Sin results in death. As God himself warned in 2:17, sin brings death. While Adam and Eve’s physical death was not immediate, it would come after a life of physical hardship (3:16-19). Spiritual death—separation from God—is the ultimate consequence, the hardest to bear, and (as the rest of Scripture reveals) lasts for eternity. The presence of sin also cheapens the perspective of the value of human life. The first murder occurs in chapter 4. God’s image in man is marred through death (4:10; 9:5-6).
Sin results in destruction. The global flood recorded in chapters 7-8 is a description of unimaginable destruction. God cannot allow sin unchecked and unpunished. Mercy does not continue forever for those who willfully rebel against God.

Truth 5: Man’s only hope is God’s grace.

He alone can save. The Author of creation is also the Author of the plan to make it right again. As the pre-existent one, he is the only existing entity not marred by sin. Salvation must come from him because he alone has the ability to and is in a position to provide it.
He wants to save. Throughout these chapters we find evidence of God’s willingness and desire to deliver and be merciful. He provides clothing to cover Adam and Eve’s shame (3:21). He puts a mark on Cain the murderer so he would not be murdered himself (4:15). He continues to bless his people with children despite their fall. Noah finds “favor in the eyes of the Lord” (6:8). God provides meticulous instructions for the ark in 6:14-21, ensuring successful deliverance. Even his chastening in Chapter 11 serves to better enable people to accomplish his plan.
He has an unfailing plan. After every calamity he reveals that his plan is ongoing and on course. In 3:15 he alludes to his intent to deal Satan ultimate defeat. Seth’s birth in 4:25-26 shows God’s provision of a thread of faithfulness and hope. After the Flood he renews a thriving creation and his covenant with mankind (9:1-17). Even the dispersal at Babel ensured that his initial plan expressed in 1:22 and 9:1 would continue. The introduction of Abraham at the end of Chapter 11 initiates a story of covenant and redemption that would eventually culminate in sin’s ultimate Overcomer.
You can trust him. Just as God remembered Noah (8:1), so will he not fail to uphold you. His provision of the rainbow (9:16-17) shows that he wants us to hold him to his promises. He has a proven track record. He doesn’t fail. He provides all we need—both physically (1:29, 9:3) and spiritually, ultimately through the coming of Jesus (3:15).

Concluding thoughts

As you study these chapters with your children, there are a few interpretational or content-related challenges that you will come upon. Two stand out in particular. First, the account of the sons of God and daughters of man in 6:1-3 can be confusing to interpret. I would recommend the notes of a good study Bible to help you navigate the explanation of this passage.

Second, you may conclude that the account of Noah’s nakedness (9:20-27) is something your children are not quite ready for. Perhaps a simple summary of the account would be preferable to a direct reading in your view as a parent. In that summary you could emphasize that Noah was still a sinner and that sin still existed after the Flood. For older children, you could explain that this incident foreshadowed what God would someday do to the pagan people of Canaan on behalf of the people of Israel (22, 25-27).

God wrote what he did at the beginning of his Word to provide far more than an introduction to his world and his truth. He provided some priceless gifts: the foundation blocks for our faith. As the faith of our children grows, let’s ensure they have those building blocks firmly in place!

[^1]: You can find Andrew French’s two articles on encouraging the Dominion Mandate here and here.

God, Give Me a New Teenager! (Part 3)

Andy Gleiser — Tue, 21 Dec 2021 15:35:25 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

The new year is upon us. And with new years come new resolutions. Of course, these resolutions are largely new commitments to better behavior. How long will they last this year?

Here’s the great news of Christianity; regardless of resolutions made or kept, believers are new people. And with our new birth comes new behavior. Did you catch that? You can have a new teenager in your home this next year! Her behavior can be Christlike. His conduct can be more godly.

But how does this new behavior happen? What are the steps? The Apostle Paul details the pattern of new living in the closing verses of Ephesians 4, but before he tells us what to do, he first reveals how to think. My former professor, Michael Barrett, writes, “Right thinking about the gospel produces right living in the gospel.”[^1] In other words, your teenager’s thinking will determine his or her behavior.

Far too often in discussing Christian teenage sanctification, we rush to conduct without first understanding our doctrine. In other words, we are quick to talk about how to act as a Christian and spend precious little time on how to think as a Christian. And this routinely leads to failure in living for Christ.

Have you ever wondered why it seems so many of our young people drop out of church once they graduate high school? Certainly there are multitudes of reasons, but I believe a big factor in our losing the next generation is that we have perhaps unwittingly exhorted our teenagers to do Christian conduct divorced from Christian doctrine. They have the impression Christianity is nothing more than a life of morality with a little bit of Jesus thrown in.

We admonish them to be kind, to be loving, to tell the truth, and to be full of integrity. We also exhort them to avoid anger, to stop lying, to run from immorality, and to never cheat or steal. We provide our teens with the ever growing list of moral do’s and don’t’s, and as long as they are checking off the boxes, they’re good Christians.

Here’s the problem with that thinking: that’s not Christianity. Now all those behaviors are commendable, and I would argue a Christian will be conducting himself that way, but you don’t have to be a Christian to check any of those boxes.

How many non-Christians do you know who are good, moral citizens? Far be it from me to say any of this conduct is bad, but many consider themselves “Christian” because of what they do or don’t do. The Bible is clear, however, that becoming a Christian is not something you do; it is something that is done to you by the Holy Spirit of God (Titus 3:5).

Then, once you become a Christian, the Lord requires you to behave like Christ. And He has given you the power to do so. We do not diminish Christian conduct in the home, but your teenage daughter and son must understand that their Christian conduct always follows Christian doctrine. If we do not take the time as dads to first teach our children what happened to them at salvation, we will end up only teaching moralism, and we will be no different than the good, decent, moral atheist.

Question for you: can a person be moral without having faith in God? Absolutely! Pagan morality aims to be good without God. In fact, a person who rejects God while still holding to morality jumps straight to his conduct as proof of his goodness. He says, “Of course I’m a good person; look at my good deeds.” But Christianity first jumps to Christ. We say, “We are good only because of what Jesus has done for us.”

I like to work this out in a familiar scenario. The preacher speaks directly to the teens, “Young people, don’t you be sleeping around!” And then follows the reasons why—the thinking behind the conduct. “After all, you could get pregnant and endure the shame and difficulty of a teenage pregnancy. On top of that, be sure your sins will find you out! Your dad will kill the both of you once he discovers you’ve been immoral. And then, don’t forget about the consequences of STD’s! Teens, be morally pure.”

Now I suppose those reasons to avoid immorality can be powerful deterrents to bad behavior, and a case could be made to use such arguments. But again, an atheist guidance counselor who cares about teens could give them the same warnings. There is no Christ in that counsel. Therefore, moralism is not Christianity!

The gospel says your teenage daughter has been saved by Someone greater than her. The Holy Spirit has created your teenage son as an entirely new person who now lives an entirely different life. There are sinful behaviors and wicked decisions unthinkable to them now because of what has happened to them! From one father to another, let us not preach moralism to our teenagers; let us preach Christ!

This is exactly what the apostle is doing in Ephesians 4:25. He begins with the word therefore. This word is a big, beautiful bridge connecting Christian doctrine with Christian duty. Perhaps a simple chart of Ephesians 4:22–32 will help.

4:22–24		4:25–32
Christian doctrine	therefore	Christian duty
What is true	therefore	What you must do
Identity in Christ	therefore	Activity for Christ

Now let’s spell it out in long form. In Ephesians 4:22–24, the apostle tells us the truth as it is in Jesus. As dads, we must remind our teenagers of these truths. When they came to faith in Christ, the old self was put away. Simultaneously, the new self was put on once and for all. And now every day, the Holy Spirit renews their minds and recalibrates their thinking in Christ. This is supernatural! This is irrevocable! Something vital has happened to them entirely by God!

And then we walk over the therefore bridge into Ephesians 4:25–32. Your teenager has put off the old self, so therefore they should daily put off the corruption the old man left behind. They have put on the new self, so therefore they should daily put on the righteous conduct of the new man. This is Christianity! We do not preach morality; we preach Christ.

So yes, a new year is coming. By God’s grace, as we marry Christian doctrine with Christian conduct, we will see our new teenagers producing new behavior in this new year.

[^1]: Barrett, Michael P. V., Complete In Him: A Guide to Understanding and Enjoying the Gospel, (Greenville: Ambassador-Emerald International, 2000), 3.

Encouraging the Dominion Mandate (Part 2)

Andrew French — Tue, 07 Dec 2021 07:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

<Note variant="note"> Note: This is the second post in a two-part series. <a href="/dominion-mandate-in-the-rising-generation-part-1/" className="underline">Read Part 1 here</a> </Note>

God intends His image bearers to work, to apply effort that produces a more orderly and beneficial result. This is the essence of the dominion mandate that God gave man back in the garden—prior to the Fall. But life in the last 150 years has made it comparatively harder to develop that perspective in our children.

After arguing for this difficulty in the last article, I left us with an encouragement to consider how to counteract the natural gravitational pull away from encouraging dominion mandate activity in our children. This second article offers some concrete ways we can help our children and teens embrace their God-given ability to work.

1. Give your children responsibilities.

Give them regular chores like emptying the trash, vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning out the cars, mowing the lawn. If they’re very young, a regular chore could look like cleaning up the toys in their room or making their bed.

Odd jobs are fair game, too. Cleaning out the garage, weeding the flower beds, shoveling the driveway. For that 2-year-old, taking that random sock back to the hamper. Or, “Can you please take Daddy’s shoes and put them by his closet?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want my 13-year-old touching my immaculate, well-manicured lawn.”

How else will they learn? Sure, you could do a better job. But you as a dad can, and should, teach them how to approach the lawn. Teach them how to maintain the mower or the tools needed for a particular job. Teach them how to use a push broom.

Then follow up and coach them on what a good job looks like. Kindly instill in them the God-intended satisfaction from a job well done. Reminder: Your gracious and patient tone of voice will be required.

(To the random teen reading this article: when speaking on this topic in our church context, I encouraged our teens to, believe it or not, ask for these responsibilities. “Dad, Mom, what would be a weekly/daily chore I could do that would be a help to you?”)

2. Have your children help you.

Introduce them to the names of the tools. This can start with your one-year-old if you want. “Wrench.” “Skew drivah,” as my now two-year-old says. “Shovel” “Milwaukee.” Just kidding, unless you’re into brainwashing your children into having an affinity for a particular brand!

Have them help you think through the project. “How do you think we should do this project? What’s the first step?” You’re helping them see a problem and get after it until it’s solved!

And don’t just do it all while they watch. Have them get the feel of the drill. Measure stuff. Let them take that first pass across the lawn. Sure, it might be a little crooked, but they’ll get the hang of it.

If you have younger children, go do the free monthly kids’ project at Home Depot. Yeah, it’s a thing.

When you have your children help you with projects, it will seem extremely inefficient. A dramatic loss of time and energy compared with you doing it yourself with no one around. But take heart! The loss is short-term, but the gain is long-term–and exponential.

Pause. Step back and recognize how these last two suggestions would have been completely irrelevant 150 years ago. They were things naturally occurring in the life of father and child, as they were with each other around the home. Not necessarily so now. Continue.

3. Ask another man to take your teen boy to help him with a project.

What if you’re not really well-equipped with some of this “handyman” type stuff? Maybe you didn’t receive this kind of mentoring when you were a boy. But you just might know other men in your church family that know how to do stuff like this.

Ask another man if he would be willing to find extra time to make space for mentoring your son in a particular skill. (Feel free to ask if you can join in, too.) The same, of course, could apply to helping your daughter acquire a skill. Ask another lady to mentor her in a skill.

“When it’s time for you to change the oil in your lawn mower, would you mind teaching my son how to do that?”

“Do you think you could take an hour on Saturdays to show my son the basics of woodworking?”

I would encourage you, though, not to farm it all out. Your children need you, Dad (and Mom), to be the primary imparter of life skills and godly wisdom. But that doesn’t preclude you from stewarding others’ skills well in your child’s dominion development.

4. Ask a teen boy to come help you with a project.

What if you’re one of the few guys reading this who aren’t in the direct fathering stage right now. But perhaps you’ve got a grandson. Or maybe your own children are still very young. Maybe you know a boy or two in your church that could use some help in this area.

Certainly you may not “need” help on that project. But chances are, there’s a boy who needs help learning a life skill. Give up a little of your own efficiency and give that boy an opportunity to be slightly more equipped to “take dominion” in his own life.

Perhaps you can’t physically do what you once did. You could still coach a teen guy through a project. Pay him something. It’s a win-win-win. He’s learning something, he’s getting a little cash, and you’re gaining a completed project. What an investment you could make!

Conclusion

Perhaps your children won’t take up a trade based on the opportunities you give them. That’s not the point. They will, however, be more equipped to take dominion in whatever context God has for them in the future.

Solomon told his son a story in Proverbs 24 about a guy who didn’t bother to maintain his vineyard, his ground, or his stone wall. He wanted his son to learn a lesson from the lazy–to instead be a diligent man who wisely worked hard.

In encouraging the development of the dominion mandate in our children, we are helping them reflect God’s image in them a little more accurately (Gen. 1:28; 2:15). We can help them learn not only to talk about solutions, but apply those solutions to the problems they encounter in life. “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty” (Prov. 14:23).

In some way, give dominion development opportunities to the children and teens in your life. You’ll be working and keeping your own sphere of influence.

Take a moment now and choose your next step. And then keep it up.

Encouraging the Dominion Mandate (Part 1)

Andrew French — Tue, 30 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

Increasingly, high schools see the need to provide life skills instruction to their students. Housekeeping, home maintenance, personal finance, interpersonal skills. This is laudable and, in many cases, effective.

But why the increased need? Busy, working parents or single-parent households can contribute to a teen being less prepared for life. Ultimately, whatever the reason, it’s tied to a lack of parental involvement in that preparation.

For the Christian parent, the problem of a child not being prepared for life is more serious, because the problem is one fundamental to God’s intent for humanity.

God created man to reflect Him, and a significant part of that imaging of Him included subduing the earth and having dominion over it (Gen. 1:28). In the garden, he was to “work it and keep it” (2:15; cf. 2:5; 2:25). The “work” God asked of man reflected His own work in creation: that of filling and forming. Making something and bringing order to it.

This working and keeping is part of the essence of our reflection of God. It is this working and keeping that must be developed in teens for them to reflect God’s image in them more fully.

But it’s harder now for parents to encourage this development. How so? What exactly makes it harder now to develop in our children and teens our God-given dominion mandate?

Changing Times

The way in which children are growing up now is a marked departure from the rest of human history.

The Industrial Revolution in the second half of the 18th century spawned, among other things, factories. Factories to which dads would travel away from home to work during the day.

Mr. Studebaker and Mr. Ford increased the mobility of Americans. Dads can travel farther to work. There’s a much reduced need for the horse and buggy and all their accompanying work.

Add widespread electricity, indoor plumbing and a refrigerator, and all the work that used to be required by every family member to get food on the table evaporates.

When the majority of prior human history had each family member besides the toddlers working hard to sustain their existence, mothers and children begin having vastly greater amounts of discretionary time. That extra time increases the demand for amusement.

And today, at least compared to much of the rest of the world, modern America experiences increased discretionary spending. Let’s be honest—compared to previous eras and other parts of the world, we’ve got money coming out our ears.

Results of These Changing Times

So children are much less apt to see Dad working. Andy Crouch emphasizes this in his book, The Techwise Family.[^1] When work is no longer centralized at home and home is instead a “leisure zone,” “children never see their parents acting with wisdom and courage in the world of work. Even if the adults’ jobs still require skill and insight, even if those jobs are quite meaningful and rewarding, that work now takes place far from home.… In a technological age [where we can work from home], even those of us who have good work to do have to make an extra effort to show our children how our work requires real skill and produces something worthwhile.”[^2]

Also, children now don’t need to do as many chores around the house, because there just aren’t as many chores around the house.

Financially, children and teens don’t need to work. “Dad can afford the stuff I want.” “Dad can afford the college I want.” If we as a family want something, we probably don’t have to save up for too long. We just go get it.

Malcom Gladwell’s “desirable difficulty” described in his book, David & Goliath, attests to this. Many of the financially plump in our society have gotten there by genuinely hard work, by taking risks, by having a really tough season. Difficulty that developed them.

But they have a challenge when trying to develop that same hard work ethic in their own children. There’s enough money sitting around that their children don’t need to work. And yet the difficulty of hard work—“desirable difficulty”—that got them where they are is not present in the lives of their children.

So a last result, then, is that adolescence lengthens. Because the onset of work is delayed, so is actual “adulting.”

What’s Lost or Lessened

What do our children and teens lose, or at least, have less of, as a result of not needing to work—either around the house or for an employer or for themselves?

Godly character—Working with a difficult coworker, working under a difficult boss, working under a fantastic boss. These all develop godly character in different ways. Your teen learns to appreciate delayed fulfillment by working one hour at a time, slowly adding up the savings.

Good work ethic—Similarly, not working lessens the opportunity to develop a good work ethic. If teens never experience a job that’s challenging and long and perhaps sweaty and unpleasant, they might “leave the nest” not having developed adequate endurance and problem-solving skills.

Shaping of vocational desires—If a teen never has various work opportunities or at least exposure to various kinds of work, opportunities for his/her desires to be ignited are lost.

A shoulder shrug and a mumbled “I don’t know.” is often the answer a teen gives when asked about his vocational aspirations.

Working in some sort of manual labor or trade, for example, can deepen a boy’s desire to keep it up. “Wow, I guess I’m kinda good with my hands.” Or perhaps, “I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do this the rest of my life.” Opportunities for strengths or weaknesses to manifest themselves are lost.

The taste of God-intended satisfaction for a job well done—God truly means for us as His image bearers to receive enjoyment and satisfaction when we’ve completed a job that is good. As dads, we shortchange our children and teens when we don’t give them opportunities to bring order to something and then taste that fulfilment.

So What?

The liability of an article like this is that it comes across like a potshot meme. “We just need to be like my childhood where we walked to school and all the boys had their own lawn business and had chores around the house and built forts out of scrap wood and kids now are dumb and lazy.”

The point is this: fundamental to our humanity is God-intended work. But there are admitted changes and consequent challenges to the development of the dominion mandate in our children. Recognizing those prepares us to attempt solutions.

Don’t give in and share that meme. Rather, think to yourself how you can constructively counteract the gravitational pull away from the development of God-intended work in your children. I’ll suggest some specific applications in the next article.

[^1]: See Chris Pennington’s book review on Growing Fathers for The Techwise Family. [^2]: Andy Crouch, The Techwise Family, 90-92. He references Albert Borgmann’s Technology and the Character of Contemporary Life: A Philosophical Inquiry, 136-37 (published in 1984!).

Lessons From a Leper

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 23 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

One of my favorite Thanksgiving memories growing up was when I was seven or eight years old. I woke up early and came out of my room to find Mom working on turkey and Dad reading his Bible. I caught the tail end of the sunrise and thought about some things I was thankful for. After breakfast my two younger sisters and I piled into the car with Dad and drove down to central Phoenix, where we hiked Camelback Mountain with friends from church. My youngest sister was still a toddler, so my dad carried her in a hiking backpack. She spotted a Gila Monster that day, which she pointed out to the rest of us as “Big Bug!” After we returned home the extended family gathered for a delicious Thanksgiving meal.

With Thanksgiving just two days away, I’d like to call your attention to a simple Bible story that teaches us some important lessons about giving thanks. This story is recorded in Luke 17:11–19.

“Now it happened as He went to Jerusalem that He passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. Then as He entered a certain village, there met Him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. And they lifted up their voices and said, ‘Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!’

So when He saw them, He said to them, ‘Go, show yourselves to the priests.’ And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed.

And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan.

So Jesus answered and said, ‘Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? Were there not any found who returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?’ And He said to him, ‘Arise, go your way. Your faith has made you well.’”

In this passage, Jesus is ministering in a region along the border between Galilee in the north and Samaria in the south. He is entering an unnamed village when He is met by ten of society’s most famous misfits: lepers.

The word “leprosy” in the Bible was a generic label for various skin conditions. (Contrary to many Sunday school lessons, it was probably not the same as modern leprosy or “Hanson’s Disease” and did not cause fingers or toes to fall off, etc.) However, leprosy was still a dreaded condition—not primarily because of the physical suffering it caused, but because it resulted in isolation. According to Old Testament law, people with leprosy had to live outside the camp. They were required to stay away from others and to cry out, “Unclean! Unclean!” wherever they went. In those days, there was no known cure for leprosy. The only hope for recovery was healing.

However, Jesus had a reputation for healing lepers. So, when these men heard that He was in town, they were not going to miss their shot. They couldn’t get close to Him because of the laws, but they stood at a distance and shouted, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” This was their only chance! Would Jesus heal them?

When Jesus saw the men, He said something unexpected. “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” That was it. Now, Christ’s command was a reference to the Old Testament law, which said that if a person was cured of leprosy, he was to show himself to a priest who would confirm the healing, perform a ritual, and pronounce the individual “clean.” The only problem in this instance was that the men were not clean yet! Jesus told them, “Go show yourself to the priest,” but when they looked down at their hands, they were still leprous! Even more startling, Jerusalem was at least a two-days’ journey away!

I’m guessing that those men didn’t spontaneously start walking. There was probably some “What did He say?” and “Could He possibly have meant that?” However, amazingly, in the end, they obeyed by faith, before they saw any sign of healing. I don’t know how far down the road they traveled before the cleansing took place, but it could not have been far. Perhaps one of the lepers looked at his friend and said, “Joseph! Your face!” “What about my face?” “It’s healed!” “Hey look! My hand is clean, too!” And instantly, they realized that Jesus had healed them. Overjoyed, they all hurried onward to Jerusalem to complete the ritual, eager to be reunited with their families and to return to their lives.

All, that is, except one of them. The Bible says that one man returned. Why only one? What was different about this man? One commentator put it this way: “In the heart of the one… something was born that was not born in the hearts of the others, something that drew him back to Jesus in spite of the decision of the nine to go on, something that could not draw the others… because they grasped only at the healing, and not also at the Healer.”[^1]

When the man finally found Jesus, he fell at His feet thanking Him. It is at this climactic moment that Luke decides to insert a vital piece of information: “He was a Samaritan.” The first readers of Luke’s gospel must have been shocked. He was the last one they would have expected to display gratitude to a Jewish rabbi! And yet there he was giving thanks to Jesus.

Christ’s response to the Samaritan drives home the primary lessons of the text. First, He asks, “Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine?” Jesus not only approves of this man’s actions, but He also disapproves of the others. He continues, “Were there not any found who returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” In other words, the fact that it was the Samaritan who responded properly, while those who should have known better rushed on ahead was particularly disappointing to Christ. Finally, Jesus gives the poor Samaritan a word of assurance: “Arise, go your way. Your faith has made you well” —or, as the CSB more accurately puts it, “Your faith has saved you.” All the lepers had some degree of faith to begin the journey prior to their healing. However, only the Samaritan leper had saving faith.

That reality brings us to “the moral of the story” —“saving faith produces thankfulness.” At first glance, Jesus’ pronouncement in verse 19 could be confusing. Was the man saved by thankfulness? No, he was saved by grace through faith. After all, Jesus says, “Your faith has saved you.” But how was his faith evidenced? The outward, observable demonstration of saving faith in this man’s life was thankfulness.

So, what lessons do we learn from the Samaritan leper?

1. We must prioritize giving thanks.

If you were to ask the other nine lepers whether they were grateful for what Jesus did for them, I’m sure they’d say “yes, of course!” But only one made time to go back and tell Jesus. In the same way, if you were to ask many Christians, “Are you thankful for the gospel?” they would certainly say, “Yes, absolutely!” And yet, somehow, we rarely get around to saying “thank you” to God, whether through prayer or in song.

I would venture to guess that many professing Christians in America who assume they are marked by gratitude would be shocked to learn how rarely they actually stop to give thanks to God. Are you one of those people?

2. We must be God-focused and humble.

Luke says that the Samaritan leper returned glorifying God with a loud voice. I wonder what that sounded like. Was he singing? Was he simply saying, “Praise God! Praise God! Praise the Lord!” over and over? Either way, this man was certainly not being cool. If he were in high school, his classmates would have given him the sideways glance. Others who didn’t understand the situation might have shied away from him, thinking he was crazy. But he didn’t care. He was just glad to be healed!

You see, this leper recognized the plight from which he had been rescued. He didn’t forget how bad it was to be a leper as soon as he was healed. He had been ostracized, separated from his family and friends, doomed to live a solitary life outside the camp, having no hope of healing or renewal apart from a miracle—but God had done a miracle, and now, everything was different! His entire future was changed. He was now free to hope in ways he had never dared hope before! He was healed! He was clean! And so, quite honestly, he couldn’t care less what anyone else thought of him. All he cared about was praising God and thanking Jesus.

Nothing will kill thankfulness like pride. But you and I have no reason to be proud—and every reason to be humble! Spiritually speaking, we share a lot in common with the Samaritan leper. Like him, we had a disease we could not cure. Like him, we were separated from God’s people. But sadly, we often forget our own stories. If we were to remember where we came from, we would be the humblest, most thankful people on earth. This Thanksgiving let’s examine our hearts and make sure that our view of God is big and our view of ourselves is small.

3. We must submit to the Lord.

What was the Samaritan saying by prostrating himself before Jesus? He was saying, “You are my benefactor; I owe You everything.” “Bought by such love,” the hymn says, “my life is not my own. My praise, my all, shall be for Christ alone.” Sadly, many professing Christians seem to miss this. It’s like, “Thanks God. Thanks for the salvation. I appreciate it.” But then they go and live however they want. They have no time for God in their lives. They don’t realize that becoming a Christian means becoming a slave to Christ, nor can they fathom how much they owe.

One of the biographies on my shelf is of a pastor named Robert Murray M’Cheynne. M’Cheynne wrote a poem called, “I Am a Debtor.” Here is the first stanza.

“When this passing world is done,
When has sunk yon glaring sun,
When we stand with Christ in glory,
Looking o'er life's finished story,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.”

Are we even trying to fathom how much we owe God, or do we think that He owes us? Heaven help us! The world says, “It’s your life; do what you want to!” But as Christians, we cannot accept that advice, because we know we are bought with a price.

This Thursday, we as dads have the perfect setup to teach our kids about thankfulness. But they will never learn thankfulness from us unless we are thankful ourselves. Let’s allow these three lessons from a Samaritan leper to wash over us so that we are prepared to bless others.

[^1]: R. C. H. Lenski, The Interpretation of St. Luke’s Gospel (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing House, 1961), 878.

Teach Your Kids About Baptism

John Dalrymple — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

My greatest desire for my children is that they would be faithful followers of Jesus. Kristopher Schaal wrote a helpful article on the topic of Counseling Your Children About Salvation, but what should you say when your child tells you they want to be baptized?

As a pastor, I’ve had the privilege of talking with many kids about baptism and teaching them from the Bible what getting dunked under the water is all about. I’ve observed over the years that many children understand salvation and yet know very little about the significance of baptism.

Here are some basic teaching points about baptism that I hope you can use as you talk with your kids.

Teach your children that baptism is:

1. A step of obedience to Christ

When Jesus commissioned His followers to go and make disciples in Matthew 28, he described baptism as an early step of obedience in a believer’s walk with God.

You can explain to your child that just as they were expected to obey dad and mom as a toddler even before they understood all the reasons why, Jesus commands believers to be baptized even before they become mature Christians.[^1]

Take your child to the first recorded passage of baptisms in the church (Acts 2:38) where Peter speaks with God’s authority to those who were cut to the heart by his gospel message. He responds, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins…” Baptism is not an optional activity for Christ followers.[^2]

Baptism is, first of all, a step of obedience. And yet, your child needs to understand that it’s not just something between them and God.

2. A public profession of your faith in Christ

Baptism shows everyone outwardly what has happened inwardly. Explain to your child that putting faith in Christ is a personal matter between them and God; no pastor or parent can make that decision for them. But once they put their faith in Jesus Christ and His death on the cross for the forgiveness of their sins, God does not intend for their faith to stay private.

Many times Jesus healed or forgave someone, his or her reaction was to immediately tell other people about what God had done for them. Baptisms are intended to be public so that a child or adult can profess to everyone that they have put their faith in Christ alone for salvation.

Read with your child the stories in Acts of the baptisms of the Ethiopian, Cornelius, Lydia, and the Philippian Jailer, who each followed the same pattern—they heard the gospel, they believed the gospel, and they were baptized in front of others to profess their faith in Christ (Acts 8:35-38; 10:43-48; 16:14-15; 29-33).

Before I was baptized as a child, I prepared a written testimony of my salvation including a simple explanation of the gospel; it was read before I was baptized. As your child moves toward baptism, encourage them to prepare a verbal testimony with which to profess their faith in Christ.

3. A symbol of your union with Christ

Union with Christ can be a challenging concept to explain to your child. However, baptism beautifully pictures our connection with Christ in His death (as one is dunked under the water) and His resurrection (as one comes up out of the water).

Read Romans 6 with your children and explain how salvation involves dying with Christ to our old way of life. If they have truly “died with Christ” (8), then they should consider themselves “dead to sin” (11). The power of sin has been broken by Christ’s death! Furthermore, explain to your child how they can be raised with Christ to “walk in newness of life” (4) and use their bodies as “instruments of righteousness” (13) for God’s glory.

Baptism illustrates the reality of our union with Christ. But baptism is not just about our personal union with Christ. It also points to our connection with Christ’s body, the church.

4. An identification with the body of Christ

Most of the baptisms recorded for us in Acts were accomplished by the Apostles as a means of identifying individuals with the body of Christ, the local church.[^3]

As Bobby Jamieson writes in his book on baptism, “When Jesus inaugurated the kingdom of God, he established the church as an embassy of that kingdom in order to identify its citizens before the world. And the initial and initiating means by which the church identifies individuals as kingdom citizens is baptism. The individual isn’t the only one speaking in baptism; the church speaks too.”[^4]

Your child may not be old enough for church membership but there should be an understanding that baptism is administered by the church and is an important way that the church identifies and affirms an individual as part of Christ’s body.

You might talk to your children about how they are identified as part of your family because of their birth or adoption and how someone’s new birth and subsequent baptism is a way of identifying with the family of God–in particular, a local church fellowship.

When should your child be baptized?

Even if we assume the Biblical position that individuals of all ages should be baptized as believers, there are still many differing views on the age at which a child should be baptized.[^5] Ultimately, it is a decision of conscience and wisdom that you as a parent will have to agree upon along with your pastors. However, here are a few simple suggestions—especially for parents with young children.

Don’t pressure You’re probably wise not to encourage your children to be baptized the first time they tell you they “got saved,” especially if their understanding of the gospel and baptism is still immature.
Keep teaching Focus on faithfully teaching about the gospel and the purposes of baptism. If you do that, a truly regenerated child might even insist on being baptized as they mature in their understanding.
Prayerfully wait Teach them and then prayerfully wait for them to initiate and come to you to express their desire for baptism. This goes for talking about salvation as well. If you are faithfully teaching the gospel and the Holy Spirit is really working in their heart, they will often come to you.
Ask why When they do initiate a conversation about baptism, ask them why they want to get baptized. Their answer will probably give you an indication whether they have really grasped your teaching about the purpose of baptism. If they just want to get baptized because their friends are doing it, you have more teaching to do.

Helping your children through reservations

Baptism can be awkward and scary for young people (and adults!). Standing in front of a large crowd and getting dunked under the water is not convenient or comfortable, but it is God’s design. As you help your child through fears and pride that could keep them from taking this step of obedience, remind them of the death of Christ that baptism symbolizes. Jesus had his clothes stripped from his body and was mocked in front of a crowd of people as He bore our sins on the cross. He bore shame for us; we can surely handle some minor discomfort for Him.

In baptism, we have the privilege of professing our faith in Christ, symbolizing our union with Him, and identifying with the church family who lovingly celebrates with us in our obedience. Patiently teach your children and then rejoice with them in their baptism as brothers and sisters in Christ!

[^1]: This doesn’t mean that you should encourage young children to be baptized…see points on when your child should be baptized. [^2]: Although baptism is expected of believers, it’s important to remind your child that baptism does not have any saving effect. [^3]: The early church did have some unique examples of baptism like the Gentiles in Caesarea who had been saved but only knew of the baptism of John or the Ethiopian that Philip apparently baptized without other believers present, but those are exceptions, and remember, they are occurrences in the early life of the church as the gospel was just spreading. [^4]: Going Public: Why Baptism Is Required for Church Membership, B&H Academic, 2015, 82. [^5]: See Tim Challies article, At What Age Should We Baptize?

When God Says “No”

Paul Whitt — Tue, 09 Nov 2021 07:00:00 GMT

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There are few things in life more unsettling than making a valid request and being answered “no.” Whether that “no” be from an employer, a family member, friend, or authority, when we hear someone answer a heartfelt petition with “no,” it brings us to a crossroad of conflict in our hearts.

I asked God to heal my dad, and He said “No.”

No matter his physical stature, a good dad is to a young child a towering presence that symbolizes permanence and stability. That perception is frozen and unaltered in your mind as you enter adulthood, securing for your dad a respectful place of admiration and honor in your heart. Until it doesn’t. I just endured the sobering experience as an adult son of watching my dad reach the end of his earthly journey. His was a methodical decline of health, fueled by cancer, with a sudden and shocking death in August of this year.

A host of people around the globe had joined us in praying for my dad’s healing since his cancer diagnosis in December of 2020. While it was deemed aggressive at the time, his cancer was also characterized as treatable, and he embarked on that medical path. Months into the process, however, it became evident that dad’s health was rapidly declining.

The prayers for healing were as much for my dad’s health as for for the stability of my family. My sister, my only sibling and the apple of my parents’ eyes, had died suddenly of COVID-19 just a month before dad’s cancer diagnosis. Her case repeated the all-too-familiar story: because of hospital guidelines, she died alone with her husband watching through a window and my parents hundreds of miles away.

Five weeks later, after a prolonged illness, my uncle passed away, leaving my dad as the only remaining of the four Whitt brothers. It was difficult for us all, but especially dad as he was grappling with the loss of his daughter and was not physically well himself. We were all still in the grieving stage when dad’s cancer diagnosis was thrust upon us the following week.

Praying for his healing seemed logical. It seemed right. It seemed humane.

In January, while mom began helping dad with his new life of treatments and medication, she received the news that my grandmother, her mom, had been diagnosed with COVID-19. After a brief and valiant fight, her faith became sight. Another trial and period of suffering ensued.

I made the 600-mile round trip from North Carolina to be with my parents in Alabama 20 times over the ten months from my sister’s death in October until August. While visiting in early August, Dad took a difficult fall that required paramedics to help him back to his feet. Although he was not transported to the hospital that evening, we were convinced the following morning he had broken a bone or bruised an organ because of his immense pain, and we took him to the ER. Instead of discovering a new injury, we learned the pain was from the cancer deep in his bones.

This was the first time it hit me that dad was going to die from this. Despite many, many people faithfully praying for healing, God was saying no.

I was crushed.

When You Only Have Questions

Why wasn’t God answering? Where was He? Why now? After all my mom had gone through, wouldn’t the loving thing be to heal Dad?

It was then I began to wrestle through the benefit and beauty of Biblical lament. It’s something most believers don’t navigate well, if at all. Especially men. Lament is the Biblical response to trials-- taking your complaints to God.

Why complain to God? Because he permits the trials, and superintends the trials, and uses the trials for our good and His glory. The willingness to take our complaints to God when He says “no” is actually an act of faith. To bury these questions in our hearts or go to anyone else would be dangerous. God gives us permission and delights in us coming to Him with these longings from our hurting hearts. He isn’t threatened.

Our lament is not an end, but a pathway to trust and worship. As we go to the Lord in our hurt and confusion when our heartfelt prayers have been answered with “no,” we rehearse to ourselves the truths we know about our God. He is good, and in control, and our only hope.

Immediate answers seldom emerge from these seasons of lament, when the created bows its head and heart to the will of the Creator, we have access to enter an unusually deep, maturing season of trust and worship. Even our Savior, when His “soul was very sorrowful even unto death,” concluded his lament to His heavenly Father with “not as I will, but as you will.” God the Father said, “No.” God the Son asked why, but trusted.

It will get better, or I will get better

Before I left to return home after dad’s fall in early August, I was sitting with him while mom ran some errands. I asked “Dad, are you nervous that you aren’t going to get well?” As he sat in his lift recliner, between winces of pain, he replied “Nah, it’s going to get better.” He had said that repeatedly to me over the nine months since he was diagnosed, and it bothered me. It bothered me because we were praying for healing and God was saying no.

“But dad, the cancer isn’t going away!” I responded, almost begging him to come to his senses and join in my despair.

He slowly turned his head to look directly at me, and softly said with that southern flavor dripping in his voice, “And that’s ok. God’s in control of the cancer. Either it will get better, or I will get better.” That was the last coherent conversation my dad had with me. He passed away two weeks later.

But dad’s response and the tension of lament taught me a valuable lesson. The depth of your faith in the promises and presence of God are revealed when God says “No.” How well have I learned this lesson? Time will tell. God in His providence has allowed another opportunity to trust.

Cancer is not in control

Three weeks ago at the time of my writing, I was diagnosed with cancer. While there are additional tests and biopsies to be done, the early diagnosis is concerning. I’m actually scheduled for surgery to have what has been identified to be removed next week. We’ll learn more in the days ahead.

I invite you to pray for my healing. My wife, family, and friends are.

But what if God says no? I’m sure I’ll ask “Why,” and “Why now,” and “Where are you, God?” But if the reports in the coming weeks aren’t good, they’ll only be so because cancer is submitting to the perfect will of my sovereign God.

Cancer isn’t in control. My doctors, as wonderful as they are, aren’t in control. And I’m certainly not in control.

God is.

And by His grace I will trust and praise Him.

The depth of your faith in the promises and presence of God are revealed when God says “No.”

“Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.” \

How to Cultivate Contentment in Your Home (Part 2)

Caleb French — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 06:33:16 GMT

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<Note variant='info'> Note: Read Part 1 here: <a href="/cultivate-discontentment-in-your-home-part-1/" className='underline'>Cultivate Discontentment in Your Home (Part 1)</a> </Note>

“But we’re poor!”

The words escaped my mouth just as a guest in our home misused one of our possessions, for which we would now need to buy a replacement. I was 87% joking, but the ease with which those words escaped my mouth was convicting.

Of course, we weren’t—and aren’t—poor. I have valuable (even enjoyable) work, for which I am generously compensated. Good food graces every plate, at every meal. Clothes fill our closets. Our home is a beautiful blend of form and function. We have savings. But one slip of the tongue had revealed just how persistent the seeds of discontentment can be in the heart.

A Positive Command

In Part 1, we dug to the roots of such discontentment and noted habits that inadvertently cultivate that vice in the home. (I recommend you start by reading that article here.) Yet it’s not enough to run from discontentment. What do we run toward? Contentment, of course. This <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Rare-Jewel-Christian-Contentment/dp/1494424797/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">“rare jewel”</a> of a virtue is worth our thought and attention as we craft the cultures of our homes.

After warning us to avoid the vice of covetousness, Hebrews 13:5 continues, “be content with such things as you have.” 1 Timothy 6:6 praises the same virtue: “Now godliness with contentment is great gain.” John the Baptist even encouraged Roman soldiers with a practical fruit of repentance, to “be content with [their] wages” (Luke 3:14). The Scriptures are clear enough. Be content!

Enough

The word our English New Testament translates “content” is translated elsewhere as “sufficient” or “enough.” Contentment is believing that what you already have is enough.

Hebrews 13:5 drills our contentment into bedrock. “Be content with such things as you have.” Why should we be content? “For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’” (emphasis mine). It is not the hope of improved circumstances that lends contentment in the current moment but rather the assurance that even if things take a turn for the worst, God will be there. In that sense, the call to contentment is grounded in the sufficiency of God Himself. If He’s with us, we have all we need. God says He is enough.

But as human beings, we are still flesh-and-blood, even when resting in the sufficiency of God. But 1 Timothy 6:7–8 reminds us just how little “enough” really is, even given our physical needs. “For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. [So] having food and [clothing], with these we shall be content.” We started life without stuff, we’ll end it without stuff, and in between all we really need is food and clothes. God says sustenance and shelter are enough.

We all have these three things. So contentment is possible.

Actually, Way More

But let’s be real. We all have 2,037 more things than clothes and shelter to be thankful for, if we’re honest enough to start noticing and naming them. So, practically, the work of contentment is not merely to lower your expectations or settle for current circumstances as “OK, I guess.” It is to open your eyes to the abundance God has lavished on you (and your family) exactly as and where you are. 1 Timothy 6:17 reminds us that the current circumstances we so easily bemoan are actually rich with the provision of God, Who has given us “all things richly to enjoy.”

Gratitude

Enter contentment’s “cousin virtue,” gratitude.

I wish there was a word that combined the passiveness of “contentment” with the action of “gratitude.” (Contentitude? Gratentment? Sorry.) These two virtues are hard to distinguish. Noticing and naming God’s gifts to you (gratitude) fuels your subjective experience of an objective reality: that God has provided, is providing, and will always provide for you abundantly.

The Foundation of All Gratitude

This gratitude is deeper than garden-variety “positivity” (or “choose joy” or “grateful”) trending in our society's messaging and hash-tags. The source of Christian contentment is not a mood but a Person Who not only has given us every temporal blessing we enjoy but “did not spare His own Son but delivered Him up for us all” (Romans 8:32).

Through Him the Father “freely gives us all things.”

Time is not sufficient here to exhaust the implications of this passage. Suffice it here to say: as God's redeemed people, we have been granted access to the full enjoyment of good gifts in His created world. “Every good and perfect gift [coming] down from the Father of Lights” (James 1:17) is “good and intended to be enjoyed” when received “with thanksgiving” to the Giver (1 Timothy 4:4). Jesus Christ at once demonstrates the immeasurable love of the Father and establishes the relationship by which we can receive every one of His gifts personally, as a conduit of His love.

In that sense, you as God’s child can exult more completely in that beautiful kitchen table and chairs, good coffee beans, those new closet organizers (half-price but new-in-box), than can your fellow humans who have no communion with the Giver.

Let’s review. We are called to cultivate the virtue of contentment. We agree with God that He Himself, plus sustenance and shelter, are enough. But we also work at spotting His abundant provision all around us through deliberate gratitude. In Jesus Christ, we can know the Giver of all good gifts personally and see the depth of love that drives His gift-giving nature.

…In Your Home

Now for the “dad” part. As a follower of Jesus, you must cultivate contentment in your heart. But you are also responsible to cultivate it in your home. Contentment is contagious. Here are some practical habits that can help put God’s commands and the truth that undergirds them into practice under your roof.

1. Make “I love our...” / “Isn’t it nice that...” statements.

Say things like, “I love our living room,” “Isn’t it nice that we can open the windows tonight,” or “Isn’t it cool we can get authentic street tacos just down the road!?” These statements ensure that you and your family notice the uniquely pleasant aspects of your life together. (Be careful not to gloat over other families.)

2. Say, “I’m thankful for because it does .”

God has many reasons for giving us things, many of which we do not comprehend. But sometimes we can easily spot the ways His gifts are good for us. State those benefits out loud!

3. Make all your “money talks” also “God’s-provision” talks.

Money is not the only currency for contentment or discontentment; but the Scriptures assume it's a big one. So “money talks” with your wife should always also be contentment talks. Whenever my wife and I do our annual financial and budget review, we also say out loud how amazed we are at the ways God has provided.

4. As you pray with your children, thank God for things they relate to.

I am learning how to pray this way: “Thank you for Charlotte's room. Thank you for giving Charlotte grandparents who love her. Thank you for giving Charlotte a cool house in the hot summer.” Charlotte can understand those things. And I want her to grow up knowing that the things we enjoy have a Source: God Himself.

5. Ask the “Gratitude Catechism.”

Ask your children (of any age) the “gratitude catechism” question, especially when you and your family are enjoying something together. “Who gives us yummy food? Who sent us the lovely rain? Who puts all the beautiful colors in the sunset? Who gives us friends to play with?” And infinite variety of questions; always one answer. It also helps me, not just them, to remember the Giver of all the good gifts.

6. Delay replacement purchases.

Hear me out. Contentment brings with it a baseline frugality when it comes to what your family buys. (I should say, some of you don’t need to hear this. If you have repaired the cabinet door with duct tape, I am probably not talking to you. But for the rest of us…) When contemplating an upgrade purchase, give yourself a buffer of time between the idea (e.g., Amazon suggesting the product) and the purchase. This extra time often allows me to remember what I already have—and often conclude that it is working just fine for us. That’s a practical demonstration of contentment.

Fathers, let’s savor in meditation the rich blessings of God in His Son. Let’s rejoice in God’s gifts, which far surpass sustenance and shelter. And grateful for His sufficiency and provision, let’s permeate the culture of our homes with Christian contentment.

How to Enjoy Your Kids Without Worshiping Them

Chris Pennington — Tue, 26 Oct 2021 00:00:00 GMT

I hadn’t left the hospital with our first when I was instructed, “Enjoy each moment. It’ll be over so soon.” It’s good advice and has buoyed me through many late nights and frustrating discipline situations.

The value of that advice is increased when it’s coupled with another truth: kids make very poor gods. When you move past enjoying your kids to worshiping them, you’ve become an idolater and set your family up for failure in the process.

Today, let’s lean into both pieces of advice and learn to enjoy our kids without worshiping them.

Enjoy Your Kids…

How can you learn to cherish your children? Let me offer five practical activities that have helped me enjoy my kids.

1. Watch your children enjoy life.

Ecclesiastes 12:1 points to this shared reality and reminds us that youth is often full of blissful joy and simple delights. Purposely look at your children and watch them enjoy their toys, friends, and hobbies.

I can’t help but think of the scene from Thorton Wilder’s Our Town where one of the main characters returns to her childhood home after death to relive her 12th birthday. Her joy quickly turns to pain as she sees how little they all enjoy the simple pleasures of living life together.

“Oh, Mama, look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I’m dead. You’re a grandmother, Mama! Wally’s dead, too …. But, just for a moment now we’re all together. Mama, just for a moment we’re happy. Let’s really look at one another!”

Take a few moments today to intentionally observe your kids and watch them without distraction—phones or otherwise.

2. Journal to remember.

My life memory is comically poor, so I’ve been forced into a practice that may help normal people, too. I take videos, photos, audio recordings, and notes about my kids rather obsessively.[^1]

I use an app called <a href="https://dayoneapp.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer">Day One</a> that allows me to have a separate journal for each child. My wife and I keep funny sayings in a shared document and I often record audio of the kids praying or talking with me.

It not only helps my memory, but allows me to enjoy the kids more in the moment.

3. Write notes to your kids.

I also use <a href="https://dayoneapp.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer">Day One</a> to write notes to my kids about once every three months. They don’t know this and I don’t know if I’ll ever even give the notes to them, but it helps me enjoy my kids.

I usually include what they’re learning, things we’ve done together, words they’re learning to say, and the like. I’ll often add photos and videos sprinkled throughout the letter.

This simple practice forces me to reflect on my kids and enjoy them.

4. Refuse to complain about your kids.

File this piece of advice under “aspirational.” When you’re up three times a night or cleaning up puke, it’s hard to not complain. Life in a fallen world is tough, but I’ve found three things helpful for me in this category:

Be willing to switch places with your wife. If I’m more bothered and frustrated with a child, my wife is able to step in with grace and it allows me to be grateful for her rather than frustrated at my kid.
Talk positively about the kids. We regularly tell each other in the midst of very difficult moments, “We’re going to miss even these moments very soon.”
Bring frustrations to God, not your wife. God cares for your kids more than you do and he can help! He made them (Psalm 139:13–16), has sustained them (Acts 17:25), and loves them (John 3:16).

5. Plan shared experiences.

If you’re like many dads, you want to have shared experiences with your kids but it never seems the right time. Let me encourage you to schedule time. That may seem too regimented or insincere, but we schedule things that are important to us. Schedule a “dad date” with every kid on a regular basis and then enjoy time together.

Here are some ideas:

get ice cream
go on a hike
go to the playground
watch a movie together
enjoy a shared meal
play sports together

Just put something on the calendar right now and make it a repeating event.

…Without Worshiping Them

It’s far too easy to let your kids drive your life in a way that looks very much like worship. Here are five practical helps.

1. Hand your kids over to God each day.

Start or end each day with a simple prayer, offering your children to God. Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), and you are only a steward. This repeated act of submission will help guide your heart and see your kids in their proper place.

2. Prepare your children to leave.

“Me don’t ever want to leave you and mommy. I want to live with you forever!” my three-year old recently proclaimed. She’d just learned that kids grow up and sometimes move away.

That’s a moment to enjoy, but it’s also a moment to teach. I’ve repeatedly talked to my children about what God might have for them and have realized the importance of positively framing God’s plan for them.

“I wonder what things God has planned for you! I can’t wait to figure it out! Wherever God wants you—in our home or somewhere else—will be the best life for you and I can’t wait!”

3. Faithfully guide and correct your kids.

Having formerly worked with teenagers and their parents for more than a decade, I’ve found one sure sign of child-worship: paralyzing fear of displeasing a child. When a parent is afraid to contradict or cross their child, they’re dangerously close to idolatry.

The surest way to ensure you create mini-gods in your home is to neglect correction and difficult guidance. As a rule, we don’t typically correct gods; and it’s hard to worship someone you discipline faithfully.

4. Faithfully teach your children about God.

Children have an amazing ability to sniff out insincerity. You can talk a big game at church or with company, but when you neglect family worship, regular times of prayer, and daily opportunities to talk about God, your kids see through you.

Take heart in the old adage “just do something.” You don’t have to prepare an hour-long sermon each day. One verse, a few sentences of explanation, and a sincere prayer at dinner is a wonderful starting point!

5. Don’t make major church decisions for your kids.

I’ve seen many families make major church attendance or membership decisions to help their kids. When you make major church decisions for the sake of your kids only, you’re telling them “your comfort, friends, and growth are most important factor for how our family relates to God.”

The same effect is present on a smaller scale when parents regularly miss worship with God’s people for sporting events, camping trips, and more. The best way to teach “God alone is God” is to worship him together with your kids and to prioritize that worship over everything in your home.

Conclusion

You will only have one opportunity to parent your children through life and it’s so important to enjoy them before God as you steward their little lives.

But beware! Worshiping your children will only destroy them and you. It’s one of the easiest way to destroy your home while thinking you’re protecting and cherishing it.

When you allow these truths to counterweight each other, however, your home can be a place of joy, growth, and worship.

[^1]: One note about photos and video: I find it’s very easy to spend all your time recording memories while forgetting to make them in the moment. When I take photos or videos of my kids, I almost always hold the phone to my chest and look at my kids rather than the phone. I’m not trying to win an award for cinematography; I’m trying to record an event. I want to remember my kids in my mind, and I can only do that if I see them experience life with my eyes first rather than on a phone screen only. For this reason, I really enjoy audio recordings. I can start the recording (unbeknownst to them) and then just live life next to them.

God, Give Me A New Teenager! (Part 2)

Andy Gleiser — Tue, 19 Oct 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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Let’s say your son is in high school, and he is struggling with porn in secret. By God’s grace, it comes out in the open. You sit down for a chat. Where do you begin?

Or let’s say your teenage daughter suffers with crippling fears. Thoughts of self-harm or suicide take her to frightening places. You want to understand. You long to help. Where do you begin?

Or let’s say your kids relentlessly aggravate one another, pushing those buttons that set off their siblings. You’ve had it! Now they’re going to get it! You send them to opposing corners. Where do you begin?

Or what about when lies are discovered, theft is revealed, bitterness takes root, or anger boils over unrestrained? I suppose we could come up with a thousand different scenarios of “bad behavior” in teenagers. As Christian fathers, where do we begin? How do we help our young people grow in grace?

In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul provides helpful instruction for us, and he will argue that we must start with the gospel. In other words, if your teenager has been born again, he or she is a new person in Christ. Therefore, new behavior that pleases the Lord is now possible in them.

As you sit to chat, remind them from the outset that they are no longer what they used to be. According to Ephesians 4:22–24, something supernatural has happened in them. Here are three truths your teenager must understand at the outset before behavior is addressed. This is the truth as it is in Jesus!

1. Your Christian teen has put off the old self.

I will designate the old self and the old man interchangeably. Here’s a helpful illustration I’ve gleaned from several others. The Christian is to view his life as a two-volume biography. Volume One is The Old Self: Your Life Without Christ. We used to be characterized by empty minds, darkened understanding, dead spirituality, and corrupt conduct. We were fallen and unregenerate.

But then Jesus happened to us! Volume Two is titled The New Self: Your Life In Christ, and the opening sentence of this second volume shouts, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” We are now born again. We have new life, new understanding, and gloriously new conduct.

This is your teenager’s permanent standing before God. The language of Paul in Ephesians 4:22 is such that this is an action that was accomplished in the past. When your teenager comes to faith in Christ, the old, unregenerate self has been put off (crucified in Romans 6:6)! Your child is not half saved and half unsaved. No! He or she is entirely a new person in Christ.

But though this is an action completed in the past, there are ongoing responsibilities for your new teenager. Part of putting off the old man in the past involves making a decisive break every day with the old manner. Your precious daughter or son must come to understand that since they are no longer the old man, they must put off the corrupt behavior the old man left behind.

Perhaps another illustration would be helpful for them. You have purchased a new home. The former owner died and left behind a closet full of clothes. You quickly discover the dead guy never bathed because the decades of body odor emanate from the clothes he left behind. What would you do with all this clothing? You’d remove and eliminate it! You would not keep them and occasionally play dress up. So this sinful behavior from your teenager is likened to dirty clothes left behind from the old self. The former manner of living needs to be rejected every day all over again.

Here are four words I would emphasize in your chats with your Christian teenager struggling with sinful conduct: Be who you are! This is Paul’s argument in Ephesians 4. He says in effect, “You Christians are being inconsistent. You said you were done with the old life, but you’re messing around with it. So be done with it all over again. Put it off once and for all every day.”

I know that was a long explanation. Thanks for staying with me! But our teens need to grasp that they are no longer what they once were in order to help them chart a new course of conduct. But this is not all that happened to them once they received Christ.

2. Your Christian teen has put on the new self.

We won’t spend nearly as long on this one (you’re welcome), but this is just as important for your teenager to grasp. The moment he or she comes to Christ, the old is crucified and the new is born. Take them to Ephesians 4:22 and 24 and compare the old and the new self. They will see drastic differences. The old man is corrupt, decaying, and dying; the new man is created after God. Again, the old self is full of deceitful lusts; the new self is full of true holiness.

So return your teen to those four important words stated above: Be who you are! With the new man comes the new manner. What happened in the past (new birth) has ongoing responsibilities (new conduct). So everyday dress in the new clothes of righteous conduct.

3. Your Christian teen’s mind is being renewed.

Here is yet another supernatural happening in your teenager’s life. It is the renewing of the mind! Or more specifically, the renewing of the spirit of the mind.

There is actually nothing wrong with your teen’s brain. I know, I know. Insert dad joke here. But God has given your teenager a wonderful mind, full of amazing power, creativity, and intelligence. There is nothing wrong with the instrument. But what is the operating system behind it? What governs your teenager’s thinking? When he or she chooses sinful behavior, it is proof the spirit of the mind, the governing power, was wrong. To practice righteous conduct, the spirit of the mind needs to be re-newed. Their minds need to be recalibrated every day by a new agent, the Holy Spirit.

Renewal occurs by God’s Spirit, through God’s Word, and among God’s people. Your teen cannot renew his or her mind by self effort; it is done by the Spirit of God through the Word of God (Romans 12:2; Colossians 3:10). And He recalibrates their thinking by means of the Word of God. The more they are in the Scriptures, the more the Spirit washes their minds and freshly focuses them on the way of righteousness. The Spirit even uses other Christians to provoke and prod your teenager to the truth as it is in Jesus.

So your teen needs to alter his or her behavior. How should your chat begin? Start with the gospel truths that they have put off once and for all the old man and have put on the new man. Their minds need to be retrained once again everyday in the ways of the Lord. As their minds are renewed, they will see more clearly their need to be who they are, new teenagers with the capacity for new conduct that pleases their God.

Ecclesiastes-Shaped Parenting

Eric Brown — Mon, 11 Oct 2021 23:13:56 GMT

This past July 4 holiday weekend, my wife and I took our three young boys to a local parade. I had expected to enjoy the time to only a mild degree—it was hot, our family activities are often full of drama, and we had a lot planned for later in the day. Instead, it was one of the happiest moments of parenting I can remember.

Part of the joy from the event came from the fact that I had attended the exact same parade multiple times as a child about thirty years ago, and it brought back nostalgic memories and appreciation for the simple joys of life. The classic cars and trucks looked the same, the same kinds of candy were tossed from the floats, and the weather was hot and sunny, just as it was in all my memories.

The part I enjoyed the most, however, was seeing the joy on the faces of my three boys. Our 10-year-old used my wife's phone to take selfies with various fire trucks and floats in the background—his new way of showing how much he is enjoying something. Our 7-year-old waved his arms at anyone and everyone walking or riding by with such vigor that it looked like his arms were noodles. And our 3-year-old, who only recently started talking after a significant speech delay, only stopped talking about the man on the stilts or the sirens on the old-fashioned fire trucks so he could eat the candy being poured into his lap. It was a slice of Americana and a slice of childhood bliss all mixed into one.

But like much of life, it had tinges of sadness throughout it. The frail-looking World War II veterans riding in an antique car were probably fully aware that this could be the last July 4 parade they see. Even their presence was a reminder that the freedoms we were celebrating that day were won only by bloodshed and bombs. The presence of war is a fact of life in a fallen world (Eccl. 3:8), but it’s still a reminder of the darker side of what it means to live this side of Eden.

Mixed Joy and Sorrow

As I watched the parade go by and watched the expressions on the faces of my family, I recognized that that moment was a pure gift from God. The author of Ecclesiastes would not rebuke us for enjoying that moment with thousands of other citizens of our community. Rather, he would tell us to “eat, drink, and be joyful” (8:15) and to take these moments as from the hand of God (2:24). Our life is a vapor (James 4:14), yes, but it is a vapor worth celebrating!

Ecclesiastes is perhaps not the first book of the Bible that comes to mind concerning parenting. We might instinctively turn to passages in Ephesians or Deuteronomy before coming to this Wisdom Book. But the overarching theme of Ecclesiastes—that despite the frustrations of this fleeting life under the sun, God calls his people to enjoy life as a gift from his hand while fearing him and walking in wisdom—has everything to do with Christian parenting.

Enjoy the Pleasures of Life

Ecclesiastes calls us again and again to take pleasure in the blessings of life. Sometimes it’s in eating good food (or just food, period—3:13). Sometimes it's in enjoying a good night's sleep (5:12) or the simple satisfaction of a job well-done (5:18-19).

Not every part of parenting is a pleasure, but many parts are, and we do well to have our eyes open to how exciting and full of wonder the world is to a child experiencing the simple delights of life.

Watch a smile come across their face as they lick an ice cream cone or have watermelon juice run down their chin.
Hear them cackle while making snowballs, running in the sand at the beach, or riding up and down on a carousel.
Listen to them mimic the sounds of emergency vehicles while lying on the floor playing with cars.
Point out the beauty of a bird singing, or even of an ant carrying a crumb.

These ordinary moments are gifts. Each one can remind us of the privilege of teaching our children that deeper, longer-lasting pleasures are available to all who are united to Christ through the gospel. His pleasures don’t leave us feeling empty or hollow, as the fleeting pleasures of life do (2:10-11).

Prepare to Die

As I noticed the similarities to the parades I enjoyed along that same route as a child, I couldn’t help but think about the countless people who have observed or even participated in those parades who are no longer alive. My own father, who led me by the hand to that street thirty years before, is among them. In thirty or forty years, I will most likely be among them, too. Ecclesiastes is nothing if not a book about preparing to die well by living well. It is about living life aware that hard days are coming (12:1) and that the guarantee of tomorrow is a mirage (9:12). It is about remembering that the world we live in “under the sun” is broken by the curse.

So how do we teach our children to prepare to die? Here are a few suggestions:

Talk about death when you pass cemeteries or funeral processions.
Talk about people who have died and what it is to leave a legacy for those left behind.
Show them pictures of loved ones (parents or grandparents perhaps) who have influenced you but are no longer living.
Teach them that death is an enemy and intrusion in God’s world, and one that will be removed on the last day.
Discuss what it means to have a soul, and for your soul to be right with God in preparation for your own death.

Facing Life’s Frustrations

Life isn’t just about enjoying pleasures and then dying. There are a lot of aggravating moments in between, too, and often we as parents respond just as poorly as our children when the frustrations build up. Life is an enigma (1:2, “vanity of vanities”) that is full of hardships (11:8), uncertainties (11:6), injustices (4:1), and temptations (7:26); and we are negligent if we tell our children otherwise. Sometimes we work hard and it turns out well for us (3:12-13). But sometimes we work hard and what we toiled for is only enjoyed by strangers (2:20-21; 6:2). Sometimes we die before our time (7:17; 9:12).

We can help our children respond rightly to these challenges, however, by keeping in mind that the Lord is sovereign over those moments—he is the one who made “the day of adversity” just as much as “the day of prosperity” (7:14). We teach and model patience rather than being “quick to become angry” (7:9). We show them the blessing of having friends who help us in the midst of those frustrations, and we seek to be that kind of friend for others (4:10).

These right responses are all possible only by the transforming and sustaining grace of God, but for us as Christian parents who walk in the Spirit, they are beautiful and powerful glimpses into the purifying work of God as he patiently compels us to walk with him in a heart of faith and repentance.

Fear God and Keep His Commandments

Faithful parenting, according to Ecclesiastes, is teaching our children to fear God and keep his commandments (12:13), to surround yourself with people who do the same (4:9-12), to walk in wisdom (7:19), to love the people close to you (9:9), and to prepare to die well (12:7).

And all the while, eat the candy and clap along with the marching bands in the parades.

Growing Kids in a Godless Culture (Part 2)

Chris Lynch — Tue, 05 Oct 2021 00:00:00 GMT

In Part 1 we investigated some biblical and practical foundations that will help us dads guide our elementary-age children through the cultural pitfalls opening up all around them. Now let’s investigate how we can put these foundations into practice day in and day out! We’ll do that by looking at two specific true to life examples—opportunities (planned or unplanned) you and your kids could encounter as you live life together in this amazing but challenging world.

As we said in Part 1, the world in which we are raising our children is a mess. The “perilous times of difficulty” Paul mentioned in 2 Timothy 3:1 have very much arrived! The moral decay and blatant crusade against truth are more stark than ever.

Our children are presented with those increasing trends more and more as they grow. As parents it’s impossible not to notice how much they are starting to notice about their godless surroundings. They don’t miss much anymore. They’re seeing the mess, and they’re wondering about it. As dads we can’t miss this equipping opportunity!

Our purpose as dads is to help our children know the Lord (Eph. 6:4) and be holy like him (1 Pet. 1:13–16). We must help our children develop readiness, sober-mindedness, and discernment.

Speaking of our kids being like their God… holiness isn’t the only divine attribute that must be developed in them! During his formative years, God the Son, grew in wisdom (Luke 2:52). This process we’re discussing is an exercise in wisdom development—the skill of taking the truth of God’s Word and plugging it into daily life.

Developing and guiding the habit of thinking biblically and acting wisely about what they face now will go a long way to ensuring they will think and act that way down the road—when you’re no longer right there by their side.

A Little Review

Last time we discussed a three-part foundational strategy for helping equip our elementary-age kids to think and respond biblically and wisely to godless aspects of their culture. There is nothing magical about the plan, wording, or order here. There’s no one text of Scripture that says “this is how you ought to do it!” But I trust that this structure helps organize our thoughts into a practical approach that might be easy to remember.

1. Truth Saturation

Develop Scripture’s impact on your kids. Show them its priority in your own life, and creatively help them develop their own intake (through personal time and the opportunities afforded through your church). Look to promote and establish self-exposure rather than simply listening to mom and dad tell them about what the Bible says.

2. Intentional Exposure

Expose them to their surroundings–carefully and intentionally! Experience their culture with them—including the problematic parts. Oversee those opportunities directly and deliberately. Bring them up in the instruction of the Lord by providing practical opportunities to think about and practice their holiness.

3. Strategic Discussion

Promote opportunities for discussion during and after those exposure opportunities. Be approachable, initiate by regularly asking open-ended strategic questions, and anticipate chances to debrief. Don’t react. And pray for lots of wisdom.

With this strategy in mind, let’s look at two specific, true to life opportunities in which we can put it into practice. Note that we’re applying this strategy to both planned opportunities and unplanned encounters.

Example 1: Distortions of Marriage or Gender

My daughter loves to send (extremely long) text messages made up exclusively of emojis to friends and relatives from my phone. Several weeks ago, while composing such a message, she discovered the male bride emoji—an option I did not know was a thing!

Whether it’s the conspicuous couple in a public place, a gender-neutral Santa at Christmastime, the trans pride flag waving on the street, or via interactions with neighborhood children, your kids will be exposed to this aspect of our culture—if they haven’t been already. It is no longer subtle; it’s impossible to avoid. In fact, our culture intentionally pushes it and presents it as normal and admirable. Our kids will see it, and they will think about it. How we lead them is crucial.

Truth saturation

A Scripture-centered home day in and day out is the only way to prepare for such exposure. Saturate them in the simple concept of marriage from the Bible. Teach them the biblical foundation for marriage from Genesis 2. Show them the simple Gospel concept that marriage is designed to picture Christ and the church (Eph. 5). This can be basic instruction; it doesn’t have to be a detailed exposition of every nuanced passage in Scripture that addresses this sin or that lifestyle. In today’s culture, the biblical teaching on marriage must be something we emphasize. However, don’t just teach your children these truths. Live them out in the home so that they can see them.Show them God’s plan for marriage by how you love and care for their mom and how you interact with her.[^1]

Intentional exposure

Don’t be afraid of them seeing such examples in public or being exposed in other ways to this growing reality in our culture. In this case it may not be worth actively seeking out such opportunities,but don’t avoid outings downtown or instinctively turn them away when you encounter a situation where they may observe.

Remember, we have the opportunity to direct our children to truth now, while they are in the home; we won’t always have that chance. Of course, we need God’s wisdom here. Every child is different. We need to take considerations of age, maturity, and preparedness into account. But we have what they need; let’s not lose opportunities to provide it with God’s help!

Strategic Discussion

When exposed, remember the weapon of open-ended questions that enable you to speak truth. Here are some possible questions that you might be able to use in such a situation:

What do you think about that? What does God think about that? How do you know?
Why do you think they feel that their actions are ok?
How do you think God wants us to think about them? (This is a very important question as we seek to keep our kids biblically balanced in their thinking. They need to see one sinner as no different than another, including themselves and their dad!)

We can view these situations (though initially awkward and certainly not natural topics of discussion with our kids) as golden opportunities to instruct and to prepare them for action!

Example 2: The Primacy of Church Gatherings

In Part 1 we emphasized looking for opportunities to involve our children in the community. While the primary purpose for community involvement is evangelism, community involvement also gives opportunities for exposure! Interactions like this allow your children to rub shoulders with the lost in ways you can oversee and follow up on. Intentional exposure, right? Let’s use one possible scenario in this category as our next example.

Let’s say your elementary children are involved in community sports. If you choose to pursue this outlet for your children, you will invariably face the conflict between sports and the biblical priority of church attendance.

My point here is not to argue for one narrow approach to this issue. Each family must prayerfully consider how this will affect them. Some families decide to never miss a service under any circumstances; others land on allowing some leeway in certain situations or in relation to certain church gatherings. My point is that, no matter what you decide as a family, you will face this at some point in the context of youth sports. (The same could be said for music pursuits or other community involvement opportunities.) And when you do, how you instruct your child will be vital.

Truth saturation

Few things are more important to teach our children than the primacy of their church. Worship, fellowship, and edification are vital to their growth in Christ and their future faithfulness as adults (Heb. 10:24–25). Just as the Israelite community played a supportive role in the development of Jewish kids’ love for God (Deut. 6:1–9), so does the church play that role for your kids. This is where they grow in their knowledge of God and in their love for him and others!

Teach them why we make church a priority. Instruct them to attend with the intent to learn things from God’s Word. We discussed some specific ways to do that last time. And remember, as parents we teach with what we say and with what we do. They need to see the primacy of church and its impact in dad’s life!

Intentional exposure

You make the choice to participate in community sports knowing that it may clash with your family’s spiritual priorities. And that’s not a bad thing! Tell your kids when there is a conflict. Expose them to each instance and talk through it (see below).

Your child may notice that their friends get more opportunities without church limitations. You may have to jump through some hoops (dad-joke pun alert) to switch teams because practice times for a certain team interfere with worship. Your child may lose playing time because he has to miss practice for church priorities. You may decide to leave halfway through a game in order to make it to midweek prayer meeting. Each of these is an opportunity to lead them to practice biblical priorities—to be holy and set apart!

Strategic discussion

These types of situations require parental decisions, but don’t miss the opportunities to discuss these challenges and decisions with your children in real time. Let them be active participants in those decisions through discussion. Walk them through the thought process, using that vital tool we keep bringing up: questions!

What do you think is more important, the game or time with God’s people? How do we know?
Is your commitment to your team important too? Why? How do you think we can accomplish both?
What do you think our decision shows your unsaved teammates about our God?

This particular example presents an opportunity to address a broad spectrum of biblical principles to them, including the priority of evangelism. The primacy of church is only one angle—but it’s an important one! Scenarios like this present just one more opportunity to practice wisdom with your children. To live in the discipline and instruction of the Lord with them. To exercise holiness with them. That’s pretty awesome!

Conclusion

There are numerous additional examples we could tackle, including areas like entertainment (the exposure to which can be very strategic!) or interaction with unsaved family members. The opportunities are endless! And the potential for lifelong equipping is endless, too! What a privilege we have to reinforce this joyous truth to the growing precious ones God has placed in our charge: “The world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever” (1 John 2:17).

[^1]: Chris Pennington had some insights that speak to this concept indirectly but helpfully in one of our recent articles.

Steps of Assurance Counseling

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 28 Sep 2021 00:00:00 GMT

My last post discussed how to talk to your children about salvation. I mentioned that I spent some time at a Christian camp in southern California working with children. During my time there, I developed a worksheet that we gave to the junior camp counselors each year. This worksheet dealt with counseling campers who were doubting their salvation.

Doubts about your salvation are like the “check engine” light on an old vehicle.

Last year, a friend presented me with a generous gift: a scan tool to use on my truck. I drive a beautiful 2000 Ford Ranger. (Ok, it’s not all that pretty, but it’s beautiful to me.) When something goes wrong on my truck, a simple “check engine” light appears on the dash. This light alerts me to the fact that there is a problem. What is the problem? I don’t usually know until I plug in my handy-dandy diagnostic tool. The tool spits out a code I can look up online to find out what’s wrong.

Just like the check engine light on my truck might be caused by any number of issues, doubts as to one’s salvation may be caused by any number of spiritual issues. Because of that, it is very important when counseling someone who is struggling with assurance to properly diagnose the problem.

This list is designed as a check-list of things to look for when counseling someone who is doubting their salvation. It is of special value when working with children and teens who grew up in a Christian home, as this is a common issue that they deal with. Each step in the list is in the form of a question that the counselor should seek to answer. Questions proceed from the most basic to the more complex and should be dealt with in that order.

Much prayer and careful investigation is needed when counseling for assurance. Remember to use Scripture.

Question #1: Does the individual understand the gospel?

If yes, move on to question #2.
If no, he/she is probably not saved. Explain the gospel.

Question #2: Does the individual have a “testimony” of salvation?[^1]

If yes, move on to question #3.
If no, investigate further. It is possible that he/she is still saved, since we are saved by faith and not by praying a prayer. However, it is also possible that the individual’s consent to the gospel has been merely intellectual, and that he/she has never personally trusted in Christ.

Question #3: Does the individual show signs of growth in Christlikeness?

If yes, move on to question #4.
If no, investigate further. A lack of fruit could be a sign that the individual is not genuinely saved. However, it may also be that he/she is a Christian living in sin. Christians living in sin often struggle with assurance. In fact, it seems that God uses lack of assurance as a tool to bring His children back to Him (see 2 Pet 1:9).[^2]

Question #4: Is the individual simply failing to trust God?

If the individual understands the gospel, has a testimony of salvation, is growing in Christlikeness, and still doubts his/her salvation; there may be a problem with trusting God. This was me when I was a child. I was plagued with doubts as to whether I prayed the right words or “really meant it” (whatever that means). Ultimately, I was trying to turn faith into a work! The person struggling with these types of thoughts needs to recognize that salvation is not based on the strength of my faith but upon the faithfulness of my God (see Rom 10:13; John 6:37)![^3]
If you have come to this point in the conversation and still haven't discovered the root of the problem, leave the situation, pray a lot, and come back to it again later with more Scripture.

Assurance of salvation can be one of the trickiest spiritual problems to counsel. However, with God’s grace, we can help lead our children through this potentially confusing struggle.

[^1]: In other words, does their way of life (i.e., words, actions, etc.) reflect the change true salvation brings? [^2]: For a helpful resource along these lines, check out, “11 Biblical Tests of Genuine Salvation, by John MacArthur (taken from the book of 1 John). [^3]: It may be helpful at this point, especially with younger children, to ask some thought-provoking questions to point out their lack of faith. For instance, “There are a lot of people in the world. Do you think God is really strong enough to save everyone?” “Do you really think that Jesus paid for all of your sins on the cross?” There are a lot of people praying to God all the time. Do you think that God heard you when you prayed to Him?” “Are you sure God would want to answer your prayer to be saved? Do you think there is a chance that He would ignore you?” Etc.

Five Essential Qualities of Biblical Fatherhood

Greg Baker — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 00:00:00 GMT

Please allow me to say at the outset that I do not consider myself to be an exemplary father. However much I aspire to be one, I am all too aware of my own failings, inconsistencies, and points of selfishness. The good news is this — God, in His grace, has intersected my path with some great dads. Perhaps God knows that I need a target or maybe a diagram. Either way, God has used these men to point out five qualities of exemplary fatherhood:

Thoughtful
Approving
Authentic
Confessing
Invested

Let’s briefly explore these essential attributes of biblical fatherhood.

1. Thoughtful

“The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps” (Proverbs 14:15).

There is a pandemic of thoughtlessness in our world today. Everything from music to media, from gaming to golf invites us to turn off our brains or to bury genuine reflection beneath layers of banality. The result is distant dads busy with self-consumption. The best dads I’ve met are not necessarily the deepest thinkers, but they are, in fact, thoughtful. They meditate on God’s Word (Psalm 1) and wait to make decisions until they can justify them with sound biblical reasoning. Exemplary dads endeavor to love God with their minds (Matthew 22:37).

2. Approving

“You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.” (Mark 1:11)

At the core of Jesus’s earthly ministry was the reassurance of His Father’s approval (Luke 9:35; John 6:38; 10:30, etc). Furthermore, the most traumatic moment of our Lord’s existence was the awful forsaking of that same Person (Matthew 27:46). We discipline (Proverbs 13:24), teach (Ephesians 6:4), and train our children (1 Timothy 4:7) just as God does with us (Proverbs 3:11). Yet, my heart is consistently rebuked by dads who demonstrate joyful approval in all the praiseworthy graces their children display.

3. Authentic

“Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” (James 1:22)

I have a friend who lived his teenage years in rebellion to his father — a father who also happened to be a pastor. I asked my friend once, “What brought you back to the Lord?” His response was immediate — “I knew that my dad was the same person in the pulpit that he was at home.” O God, grant me the same mark of authenticity.

4. Confessing

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)

Nobody destroys relationships more thoroughly and more quickly than a person who can never be wrong. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve sat across from children streaming bitter tears over muffled chokes because of the corrosive effects of parents who can’t sin.

At best, these parents make silly excuses. At worst, they place the blame for their bad behavior directly on their children. The irony, of course, is this — we Christian dads have extraordinary confidence to confess our sins to the children we’ve sinned against. Our sinless Advocate (1 John 2:1) ever lives to make intercession for us (Hebrews 7:25) thus granting incredible courage to face down our sins in full view of our kids.

5. Invested

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21)

Every great dad I’ve ever met understands that they teach their most enduring lessons by example. If the child observes that camping trips, youth sports, or preferred friends can drive church attendance, then we might expect them to conclude that camping trips, youth sports, or preferred friends are the most important considerations.

If the child observes generosity toward fun but stinginess toward God’s people, we might expect them to conclude that hedonism is the way to go. But if the child simply assumes attendance at a Bible-teaching church (so don’t even bother asking to skip a Sunday), if the child feels the sting of sacrifice for the sake of God’s work, and if the child observes his or her dad’s investment in God’s kingdom, well, then, that child just might conclude that God is worth living for.

I so badly want to possess these graces of exemplary fatherhood. And if you’ve made it to the end of this article, I’m sure that you do, too. Would you take a moment to pray for me as I pause a moment in this writing to pray for you?

How Do I Delight in God’s Word?

John Pate — Tue, 14 Sep 2021 06:00:00 GMT

I recently asked my two oldest children, “What does daddy love to do?” (Just for fun, try asking your kids that at some point this week.) I had no idea what to expect, and their answers were a little underwhelming. My daughter half-asked, “Jogging?” and my son responded with “Work.”

Surely, I asked the question in a confusing way.

But my son followed up with a sincerely curious question, “What do you love to do?”

Well, that is the question, isn’t it? What do we love? Is it what we ought to love? When do our children catch a glimmer of delight in our eyes? When do they hear passionate exclamations of joy? Do we delight in that which is truly delightful?

After meditating for 96 verses on God’s law, the psalmist of Psalm 119 can’t help himself. He bursts forth with, “Oh how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day.” For an unbeliever, that sudden exclamation might seem a little odd. But for someone acquainted with the beauty of Scripture, it’s totally understandable. We were made to delight in God; therefore, we treasure every word He speaks to us. We delight in the Bible.

At the same time, we live in a world where all manner of delights compete for our love and passion—some of them worthwhile, some of them corrupt. The glint of the world often catches our eye. The busyness of life fatigues our spiritual muscles. Other appetites displace our delight in God’s Word. In comparison to other pursuits, opening our Bible to behold the face of Jesus Christ feels like plain work.

So, let’s take a look at a psalm devoted to the topic of delight and ask, “How do I grow my delight in God’s Word?” Psalm 1 provides a three-part blueprint for dads who love the Bible but want to love it more.

Step 1: Choose God’s Path

The first few lines of the entire book of Psalms introduce two possible paths:

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night” (Ps. 1:1–2).

In order to grow your delight, you have a choice you must make: reject ungodly words and embrace God’s Word.

Reject Ungodly Words

The dangerous progression pictured in verse 1 highlights three aspects of the wrong path you must reject: ungodly advice, ungodly actions, and ungodly attacks. All of these will ultimately corrode your delight in God’s Word.

A few months ago, my wife and I were streaming a show we found on Amazon Prime. It contained a lot of elements we both value in a show—clever script-writing, uncontrived acting, and a compelling plot. As we watched, however, we became increasingly uncomfortable with how the characters thought and spoke, and their attitudes about life. Because those attitudes were beginning to affect our own thinking, we both decided to call it quits on the show.

As believing dads, we must make a decided effort to reject the path of the ungodly.

Embrace God’s Words

You may not play the lottery, but pretend you were given a free winning ticket and told to go claim your prize. Chances are, that might be a day you remember. You would probably think about it, talk about it, and exclaim about it. That ticket will probably change the way you live your life. You might even end up on My Lottery Dream Home and buy a house that is way beyond your annual means and that you’ll have to sell in a few years to pay your kid’s college bills.[^1]

The point is—when you treasure something, it changes your life! How much more should we treasure God’s Word, worth more “than thousands of gold and silver pieces” (Ps. 119:72). When you do, it will change your life!

It will change how you think. The word “meditate” carries the idea of pondering on something by talking to yourself. Do you let Scripture talk to you throughout the day?
It will change how you feel. Do you park on God’s Word long enough that the temperature of your soul begins to rise? Do you respond to it with praise?
It will change how you react. When the Bible is in your bloodstream, it’s going to impact those moments when you only have time for a knee-jerk reaction. When you’re “pricked” by a difficult circumstance in the home or workplace, do you “bleed” a Bible response?

You may be wondering, “That all sounds good, but will it really work?” If we choose God’s path, how do we know it will increase our delight in Him and His Word?

Step 2: Trust His Promise

Here’s the promise:

“He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away” (Ps. 1:3–4).

It’s a fact: those who intentionally choose God’s Word are going to produce fruit. Whether it’s the rainy season or an intense drought, a tree by a river doesn’t run dry. As you read this, you may feel you don’t have the strength to face the rest of this week. God promises you a life-giving source in His Word! Verse 3 doesn’t mean that your life will be trial-free. It does mean that every circumstance you face, instead of impeding your growth, actually becomes God’s tool for growth.

Consider two Christian men, both experiencing an especially bad week at work. Both have missed deadlines despite their best efforts, both have been reprimanded by their boss, and both are feeling strained by the stress of it all. Yet, a key difference exists between these men. To one, it is a week of failure. To the other, it is a week of growth. What makes the difference? One is neglecting God’s Word, and the other is drinking deeply from God’s Word.

Step 3: Adopt His Perspective

A continual delight in God’s Word becomes more than just what you do. It impacts who you are and who you are becoming.

Verses 5–6 give us God’s eternal perspective:

“Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.”

In contrast to those who do not have a relationship with God, a dad who seeks God through His Word is qualified to worship, not because of any righteousness of his own, but simply because he has been given the righteousness of God. When he reads the Bible, it’s more than just black words on a white page. He’s experiencing a relationship.

So picture a dad with bedhead in his gym shorts sitting at the kitchen table with a stiff cup of coffee and an open Bible. There’s more going on in this picture than at first meets the eye—much, much more. He is beholding the God of all the universe, listening to Him, and communing with Him. He actually has a relationship with God, a relationship which will continue for eternity. He will continue to behold this infinite God well beyond his short stay here on earth.

So, what should you do? May I suggest three simple actions?

Block out a time. You may need to get creative. Maybe listen to Scripture on your commute, or use your break time at work to read a chapter from the Bible.
Designate a place. This isn’t always possible, but it’s helpful to have a consistent place where you will not be distracted.
Get a plan. Since all Scripture is profitable for you (2 Tim. 3:16) it’s so important that you get to all of Scripture on a regular basis. Google “Bible reading plans” if you need suggestions.

Psalm 1 gives us a helpful blueprint for delighting in God’s Word. But, interestingly, Psalm 1 isn’t just about you and me. I believe that, ultimately, Psalm 1 introduces the Messiah, the “blessed Man” who always delighted in the law of God. If you want to be truly blessed, you must “take refuge in Him” (Ps. 2:12). Your delight in God’s Word is only possible through the finished work of Jesus Christ. When you trust Jesus, His law is written on your heart. And as you behold Him in His Word, His image will be imprinted on your very being.

[^1]: If you want to know what the Bible says about using the lottery to increase wealth, check out Proverbs 13:11.

How to Do Chores Like a Christian

Chris Pennington — Tue, 07 Sep 2021 00:00:00 GMT

When my wife and I were first married, we moved into a small one-bedroom apartment with a mini kitchen. We quickly established habits and family patterns. Each night, for instance, we would gather by our micro sink to wash and dry the day’s dishes.

Whether culturally-conditioned or not, many men do not enjoy household chores.[^1] Perhaps I’m a poor cleaner, dish-drier, or organizer; or perhaps I’m not as practiced because of how we’ve divided our home responsibilities. But whatever the reason, I don’t think I’m alone.

God has a word for us. He wants us to see our household duties, our monotonous chores, with fresh eyes. When we do, it’ll transform the everyday and bring new meaning to the mundane.

Three Guiding Principles

There are at least three biblical principles that especially apply to unseen, uncelebrated work at home.

1. “All … for the glory of God”

In 1 Corinthians 10:31 Paul writes, "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." While his application is more narrow in the passage, the principle is wide-reaching. The Christian life is meant to be lived “before the face of God” and for the glory of God.

Colossians 3:17 and 3:23–24 confirm our broader application and apply the principle both to life in general and also to our daily obligations.

2. “In our image, after our likeness”

Genesis proclaims that God made us “in his image” (Genesis 1:26). There is one application of this truth that we should especially note: dominion.

Part of the way we “image God” is by having dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:28). When we care for and maintain our daily surroundings we are—in a very real sense—doing the work of God. "Totally dominating" that pile of laundry is, well, having dominion. It is the pre-fall work of "working" and "keeping" the earth—albeit with the sting of the post-fall world.

3. "The heavens declare the glory of God"

Psalm 19 teaches us how to see and interpret creation. It reads, "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." The Holy Spirit continues, instructing us that even without human speech, creation is constantly teaching us about God.

The Christian, in other words, should engage with the world (yes, even the fallen world) in a way that sees God in it.

Putting it Together

These three principles combine to bring new life, importance, and dignity to the simplest of duties. We image God (in part) by working and keeping the earth, seeing God in our work, and doing our work for God. These realities make daily chores more significant and help us to find more joy in doing them (i.e., it’s not about laundry, it’s about God!).[^3]

When you start tracing the streams back up to the Fountain, the smallest joys and labors are filled with significance because of Who they’re for and how they connect to Him and His things.

A Poem and a Prayer

When you let the Bible inform how you think about daily chores and household duties, the work itself takes on an elevated meaning (or rather, you see its meaning more clearly).

George Herbert, the English poet and priest from the turn of the 17th century, expresses these truths in a deep poetic prayer called “The Elixir.”[^4] It’s short and very worth your time (even if you hate poetry), but I’ll point you to the closing two stanzas.

Herbert remarks that when you learn to connect even the simplest of tasks with your King (i.e., “for thy sake”, Col 3:23), the tasks themselves are transformed. Even drudgery is divine when you view daily tasks with this perspective. Sweeping with the clause “for Thy sake” at your side makes sweeping a “fine” action.

A servant with this clause / Makes drudgery divine: / Who sweeps a room as for Thy laws, / Makes that and th' action fine.

He concludes by alluding to the famous philosopher’s stone.[^5] What is this stone? It’s not magic. It’s God himself. When we connect God to our work he acts and transforms and elevates our work.

This is the famous stone / That turneth all to gold; / For that which God doth touch and own / Cannot for less be told.

A Final Word

Martin Luther is known most for his role in the Protestant Reformation, but you may not know he was the father of seven children. When reflecting upon daily tasks in the home, he writes with an insider’s knowledge and a pastor’s heart.[^6]

He begins with the natural perspective, exposing the way we complain to ourselves about our daily tasks.

When “our natural reason … takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, ‘Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores, and on top of that care for my wife, provide for her, labour at my trade, take care of this and take care of that, do this and do that, endure this and endure that, and whatever else of bitterness and drudgery married life involves?’”

He then asks the question, “What does Christian faith say to this?”

“It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels. It says, ‘O God, because I am certain that thou hast created me as a man and hast from my body begotten this child, I also know for a certainty that it meets with thy perfect pleasure. I confess to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother.

How is it that I, without any merit, have come to this distinction of being certain that I am serving thy creature and thy most precious will? .… God, with all his angels and creatures, is smiling, not because that father is washing diapers, but because he is doing so in Christian faith.”

May God give us this biblical perspective! [^7] Would you pray now with me to confess your wrong perspective and to ask for this Christian perspective?

[^1]: Many people—male or female—do not enjoy household chores when little people go around and erase all your work by the day’s end. Sisyphus much? [^2]: From God in the Dock: Essays on Theology and Ethics by C.S. Lewis. [^3]: C.S. Lewis points the way in his “Meditation in a Toolshed”: I was standing today in a dark toolshed. The sun was shining outside and through the crack at the top of the door there came a sunbeam. From where I stood that beam of light, with the specks of dust floating in it, was the most striking thing in the place. Everything else was almost pitch-black. I was seeing the beam, not seeing things by it. Then I moved, so that the beam fell on my eyes. Instantly the whole previous picture vanished. I saw no toolshed, and (above all) no beam. Instead I saw, framed in the irregular cranny at the top of the door, green leaves moving on the branches of a tree outside and beyond that, ninety-odd million miles away, the sun. Looking along the beam, and looking at the beam are very different experiences. As image-bearers, we “work and keep” our world before God’s face and for his glory, constantly looking back up the beams of light to see the Son.

[^4]: The Elixir by George Herbert [^5]: The philosopher’s stone is the mythical stone that could turn any metal into gold or, in some accounts, offer the elixir of life. [^6]: Excerpts from The Estate of Marriage by Martin Luther (p 1522). [^7]: Luther also addresses an important criticism in the following paragraphs: “Now you tell me, when a father goes ahead and washes diapers or performs some other mean task for his child, and someone ridicules him as an effeminate fool, though that father is acting in the spirit just described and in Christian faith, my dear fellow you tell me, which of the two is most keenly ridiculing the other? God, with all his angels and creatures, is smiling, not because that father is washing diapers, but because he is doing so in Christian faith. Those who sneer at him and see only the task but not the faith are ridiculing God with all his creatures, as the biggest fool on earth. Indeed, they are only ridiculing themselves; with all their cleverness they are nothing but devil’s fools.”

Finding Gods Will (Not Just Yours) for Your Children

Brian Hand — Tue, 31 Aug 2021 00:00:00 GMT

“We just wanted what was best for them.”

Imagine interviewing Isaac and Rebekah after Jacob had fled to the East, and Esau sulked angrily at being tricked out of his father’s blessing—vowing to kill his brother at an opportune time.

Isaac apparently thought in terms of the proper leadership role that the firstborn son ought to have occupied in a Middle Eastern family of that era. Rebekah apparently thought in terms of fulfilling—by her own designs—the enigmatic prophecy God had given to her, which spoke of a division of nations and the supremacy of the younger of the twins that she had carried so many years previously (Gen. 25:23). Both seemed to hold noble objectives for their sons, and both decided that God’s will could be best achieved with a little “push.”

For their favoritism and family conspiracies, we can legitimately criticize both Isaac and Rebekah. Partiality in parents breeds dysfunctionality, strife, and ultimately, hatred among children. And neither parent set a particularly healthy tone for the family. But in terms of their desire to seek a solid societal outcome for their children, we ought to cut them some slack.

What good parent doesn’t want his or her children to grow up to be a well-adjusted, successful, and some combination of chip-off-the-old-block or standing-on-the-shoulders-of-previous-generations type of individual?

Sometimes, however, our desires for our children’s future lives collides with God’s will. It’s not that we intentionally disregard God’s plans—no thoughtful Christian parent would want to do that—but it’s terribly easy to confuse or commingle our plans with what we think God’s plans are (or should be).

After all, we want what is best for our children, and we think we see useful ways to achieve this outcome. Surely God wants what is best for them as well. So doesn’t that mean that His plans will likely align with ours? Unfortunately, such reasoning is not safe.

First, we lack the knowledge that God possesses—a knowledge which grasps every fact, every connection, every contingency. Second, God has the right to direct all things according to His will. We do not. Sure, we may think that our child’s personality and gifts align perfectly to propel her into accounting, veterinary science, secondary education, or violin performance. Of course, we may feel that he would make an ideal carpenter, engineer, pastor, financial analyst, or physical therapist. But how much do we really know? Not much.

Given the startling twists and turns of our own lives, we might think that we would have long ago given up the attempt to scrutinize the plans of the Almighty, but we are incorrigible prognosticators—bent on figuring out the future before it arrives so that we have some edge in making decisions. And so we scan the future for our children—nobly hoping to direct them more securely according to God’s will but possibly shortchanging a process of personal experience and commitment that God intends for their maturity.

Think of Manoah in this regard (Judges 13). When given the opportunity to interact with God, he asked a question which seems innocuous enough, “What will be the boy’s rule of life, and his work?” (Judges 13:12), but the Angel of the Lord gave no reply. Manoah and his wife merely needed to obey the Lord in raising their promised child devoted to the Lord (see vv. 5, 7, 14). That is, they did not need to know what Samson would do for God or how he would do it. They merely needed to get him ready for any task to which God might call him.

Imagine that a CEO were to tell you, “I’m coming soon to assess your division. I want every employee under your management to be ready and prepared for crucial work,” but he gave you few other details. What would you do?

A wise manager would think through the diversity of needs in the company and prepare his section to fulfill as many roles as possible through core training that involves: (1) knowing the goals, values, and procedures of the company; (2) assembling resources that would apply to a wide variety of roles; (3) considering the likely roles that specific individuals might fill on the basis of their personality and giftedness and training them for those and other roles; and (4) be actively doing the work that you ought to be doing.

This means that parenting your children to be ready to do God’s will (rather than to do your will) involves at least the following.

1. Learn what the Lord values, what his goals are, and what processes he has already specified for carrying out his values and goals.

The first step to avoid supplanting God’s will with your own will for your children is to focus on learning the Scriptures. God has called parents to teach his Word to their children. God has not called parents to impose their will on their children.

So teach your children what God says is important. What does he love? (Deut. 10:12–13) What does he hate? (Prov. 6:16) What things are present in his eternal kingdom? (Matt. 5:3–12) What things are permanently shut out of his kingdom? (Rev. 21:8)

What are his attitudes toward sin, sinners, pride, humility, human government, the family, the church, work, play, entertainment, and any other conceivable area of life? If you are busy about the “CEO’s” business, you will find that you have little time left to impose your own will in place of his.

2. Train for usefulness and virtue.

We don’t know what God’s plan will look like in terms of vocation, location, or even marital status for our children, but we do know some of the traits and abilities that lead to usefulness wherever our children go. Moses’s training is a classic example of this principle in Scripture. Only God foresaw that Moses would be the deliverer of Israel, but it was useful to train Moses “in all the wisdom of the Egyptians” so that he would understand leadership, warfare, and logistics, regardless of the role that he might occupy in the future.

In other words, teach your children useful things. Gather resources—not in terms of merely an accumulation of wealth but the accumulation of wisdom and experience—so your children are ready for many roles. Train your children in virtue. An industrious daughter will be successful wherever the Lord leads her to go (other virtues included). A generous, courteous son will be a tribute to the Lord’s work wherever he finds himself. God has called you to shape children in terms of good and evil through instruction and discipline. He has not called you to determine where they will “end up” in life.

3. Guide children to improve their natural and spiritual giftedness and to commit to being available to God.

As we watch our children grow and start to mature, we begin to form an inkling of likely roles that God might have for them. After all, they have a distinctive combination of personality, native gifts, and spiritual gifts that God appoints for them. It’s highly useful to recognize what God appears to be doing and to guide children according to their natural abilities as long as we both (a) shape those abilities so they are less likely to be corrupted by the Adversary and (b) recognize that abilities often play a muted role in God’s calling.

God always uses the abilities that he gives to a child, but he doesn’t always use it immediately, or in the way we think, or in the field we expect. Thus, we should help our children understand that they must be ready to do whatever God calls them to do. In other words, ability does not necessarily align perfectly with vocation.

God set Moses on the back side of a desert for forty years to tend sheep. That occupation didn’t seem to align well with his previous training or his future responsibilities as a deliverer, but God was shaping him. By training children to commit to following the Lord, we prepare them for the shifts in calling and opportunity of life that we see often exemplified in the Scriptures (Jer. 1:5–10, Isa. 6:8, Amos 7:14–15).

4. Help your children do what they already know is God’s will.

We shouldn’t pretend that we are interested in God’s will if we are not actively engaged in doing it right now. The best way to keep from supplanting God’s will with our own is to be busy doing God’s will regarding our children. This means we are to be doing God’s will, and we should be showing our children exactly what God says is his will regarding them.

In the interview with Isaac and Rebekah, a probing journalist would soon discover that along the course of life both parents were not clearly looking to do God’s will. Even if they had a good intent for their children, parental desire wasn’t good enough—and it never will be. The only way to find God’s will (not just yours) for your children’s lives is to be serious about doing what God has already told you to do:

Learn what the Lord values, what his goals are, and what processes he has already specified for carrying out his values and goals.
Train for usefulness and virtue.
Guide children to improve their natural and spiritual giftedness and to commit to being available to God.
Help your children do what they already know is God’s will.

How to Cultivate Discontentment in Your Home (Part 1)

Caleb French — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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As I watch my three-year-old daughter’s distinct personality blossom, it is becoming clear to my wife and me that Charlotte is a "just-so" little girl. We laugh at the things she so easily notices out of place: the closet door left open, her bedtime giraffe tucked under the wrong arm, the cars not arranged in a straight line.

I also realize she gets that from her dad. I am blessed and cursed with an aesthetic drive to set everything in its quintessential place. That means I can't “un-see” when things aren't quite right. I always notice the possibilities for organizing natural chaos, enhancing visual clarity, and improving a process’s elegance.

I know God has use for people like me. (That said, I believe the world is a happier place because we are few in number.) This perspective helps me evaluate the tools and rhythms of our home to better fulfill our mission. It helps me increase the effectiveness of certain ministries within our church life, and it increases the efficiency and reduces the headache of a multi-disciplinary job description.

Perfectionism & Discontentment

But this particular species of perfectionism is my unique path to discontentment. The perfectionist who often says, “This could be better” (which is always true), can so easily say in his next breath, “This isn’t good enough” (which is the doorway to discontentment).

Dissatisfaction with current conditions can be a form of theological accusation. “Lord, the imperfections and limitations of my environment are bad for me. My life is harder than it should be. You have mis-crafted my surroundings.”

Defining Discontentment Biblically

Although Scripture doesn’t include the term discontentment, it uses other terms that convey the same meaning. Discontentment is called “covetousness” in Hebrews 13:5: “Let your [way of life] be without covetousness.” For me, this means I should not covet the “upgrade,” the “better version,” or the “sleeker system.” The passage does not say, “Make choices that are not covetous,” though that is true. It goes beyond that and says, “Live a lifestyle without covetousness in it.”

I Timothy 6:9 narrows the application of this challenge to money, but the principle is the same. “Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition.”

Whoa, Paul! I just want a better garage. I just want the means to upgrade my wife’s kitchen. I just want more “cushion” in our budget. All of Proverbs’s admonitions to financial stewardship notwithstanding, “the love of money is [still] a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through [stabbed themselves] with many sorrows.”

Driving every sinful grasp for money is a discontented heart reaching for something to “fix what’s wrong” with your circumstances. God has called us to a lifestyle without that attitude.

Personal Diagnosis

How does this subtle attitude manifest itself in a dad? Here are a few questions to help us spot discontentment in relation to our household, whether our discontentment grows out of perfectionism or some other tendency gone awry. Keep in mind, the same outward choices (such as upsizing your house) can be driven by very different motivations of the heart. But answering these questions can help you diagnose the problem.

Can you enjoy a tour of someone else’s bigger or better house without comparing it to your own--whether aloud or in your mind?
Do you find yourself secretly frustrated when discussing finances with other dads who have more resources?
Do you say things like, “When will [Child] grow out of [developmental stage]!?” or “I can’t wait until [Child] is [certain ideal age].”
How often do you say aloud that you are thankful to God for something?
What drives your desire to upgrade your vacations, increase your income level, or improve your home? When you daydream about these things, where does your mind run?
Would your wife say you are satisfied with the you have? Or would she say, “He always wants a better one.”

How has discontentment affected your perspective about your family and household?

The Blasphemous Root of Discontentment

Why is discontentment a big deal (i.e., sin)? God’s response to the complaining children of Israel in Numbers 21:4–9 helps us calibrate our sense of discontentment’s severity. The Israelites had grown weary of travel, particularly of the one-option “menu”—itself the miraculous provision of God. They also questioned God’s purpose: “Why have you led us out here to die?” as if to say, “We have projected current conditions to their logical (lethal) outcome, and we have concluded that You are vindictive.” No admission that God could have reasons for their itinerary that they do not (and cannot) understand. No mention that He has sustained them miraculously since their Egyptian servitude. Just a blunt accusation.

No recognition of how much God has put in your family coffers, just the sulking fixation on how tight things are in your budget. No recollection of God’s perfect track-record of faithfulness to you, just the anxiety about how this pay cut will play out in three years. (Discontentment and worry are “cousin vices.”)

“There, there,” we might imagine God should say. “These Israelites are just tired. They don’t mean that. They’re just the complaining type, seeing the negative. They’ll shift their attitude in a year or two when their circumstances change.”

“Then the LORD sent poisonous snakes among the people, and they bit them so that many Israelites died.”

Discontentment is serious. You see, when the Israelites detested God’s manna and doubted His motives, they were denying His love. Such suspicion was the sin at the heart of Adam’s fall: that God’s abundance (“every tree of the Garden”) was still insufficient; that His restrictions (“the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil”) were oppressive. As Eve took the fruit, she was trusting her doubts about the loving character of God.

That is why discontentment is such a big deal. But it’s worse than that.

As serious as God’s judgment was, He proved His heart for the people by lifting up the bronze serpent in their midst: a visual symbol of His willingness to forgive those who would but look in faith. Jesus said this serpent in the wilderness was a symbol of Himself, lifted up on the cross, “that whoever believes in Him might have eternal life” (John 3:14–15). Not only has God given us “life and breath” (Acts 17:25) and “all things richly to enjoy” (1 Timothy 6:17), but He has also responded to the spurning of that goodness by providing atonement and restored relationship through Jesus Christ.

The discontented child of God looks past God’s ultimate provision of the Son to say, “God still isn’t loving me well.” It’s blasphemy. So, brothers, let us add this trait to the “sin list” as an attitude in need of repentance, confession, and forgiveness.

A Discontented Household

Dad, your thoughts and words of discontentment can seep into the culture of your household. Dissatisfied husbands yield discontented wives. Discontented parents breed dissatisfied children. Here are a few sure-fire ways to cultivate a culture of discontentment in your home.

In prayer, only ask; never thank. If someone asked your children what prayer was, according to your household prayers, would they include anything about thanking? Or would it only be about asking? Of course, the “asking” prayer often indicates your rightful dependence on God’s power and provision. But without ever thanking Him in prayer, you can subtly teach your children that our life is full of “gaps,” and God is there to fill them for us. Just listen to yourself pray in the next little while. (In part 2 of this post, we will explore gratitude more in detail.)
Complain. Note the problems with your house. Point out the aspects of your children’s personalities you don’t enjoy (to your wife—or worse, to the kids themselves). Note all of the ways your job is uniquely difficult: your boss, your co-workers, your workplace environment. Complaining comes in many costumes. “I wish they would stop all the time.” “If only we had , then we could be .” Complaining helps remind everyone in your family what is still wrong with our life, and that breeds discontentment.
Compare and Covet. Compare your family’s situation (house, car, kids, income, ethnicity) to yours. This comparison can happen silently in your head, or overtly in the car on the way home from the Jones’s. Comparison lays the groundwork for coveting. The Tenth Commandment and the warning of Hebrews 13:5 are “group commands.” This means your family can covet things together. There can be a subtle difference here between making conversation and entering into covetousness.

For example, there is a way to say, “They have a nice backyard” (harmless words on the surface) which really means, “Our back yard is lame”—and is right on the verge of, “We want their backyard.” Unhealthy comparison can happen in both directions, too. Comparing up, with circumstances you aspire to reach, reminds you how far you still have to go. But comparing down, with circumstances you have exceeded, still places you on a continuum of “status progress” rather than the stasis of contentment. Be careful.

This has all been negative, to be sure. In part 2, we will talk about how to replace discontentment with contentment. But first we need to see the problem. How is your household culture doing in the area of discontentment? Dad, do you have a discontented heart?

God, Give Me A New Teenager! (Part 1)

Andy Gleiser — Tue, 17 Aug 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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I couldn’t wait to be a teenager. My high school years raced by. In college, I volunteered at summer youth camps and church teen groups. I served 13 years as a student ministries pastor. Every year, I preach to Christian and non-Christian teens all over the United States — I LOVE IT. And now my wife and I are blessed to have two high schoolers and one middle schooler in our home! We have enjoyed every stage of our children’s lives, but to be fair, this stage has been our favorite … the best years!

That is not to say these have been easy years. But oh! the conversations we’ve had and the opportunities to disciple our kids during these important years. There have been long talks, long nights, and long prayers. I’d like to share with you what we are learning so far in parenting Christian teenagers in a non-Christian world.

Have you ever wanted a “new” teenager in your home? One who would behave better? One who would act rightly? How do you help your teenager become a young disciple committed to following Jesus? You begin with helping her understand what she once was before Christ and what she now is in Christ.

In other words, your daughter needs to know about the supernatural change that happened the moment she came to faith in Jesus. She is no longer what she used to be. She is in reality an entirely “new” person. To understand the newness of life, she must understand the old life she has been rescued from. This will be the focus of our first lesson.

In Ephesians 4:17–19, the apostle provides a blistering exposé of modern man apart from Christ. Here is the answer to why the world is so messed up. The world has gone wrong because we humans are living in the futility of our minds (4:17), the darkness of our understanding (4:18), and the greediness of our conduct (4:19). Let’s briefly break those down to help our Christian teenagers understand what used to be true of them.

Futility of the mind

When the apostle uses the word “mind,” he means the entire person. After all, the mind controls your thoughts, feelings, desires, and actions. And what was the problem with our minds before Christ? Futility! Vanity! Pointlessness! Here is a picture of mankind living for that which is empty and meaningless. And your Christian teenager needs to see what he used to be.

Watch the ads on your device. No matter the product, they’re all selling the same thing: your happiness. “Purchase our phone to have greater power at your fingertips. Take our pill to feel better. Drink our beer to forget your troubles. Drive our car to be the envy of the neighbors. Install our home security to be safe. Follow our advice to make money easier. Buy our program to melt the pounds off your body.” Need I go on?

Our world is consumed by what promises fulfillment, meaning, and satisfaction. But in the end it’s a cruel joke. It’s never enough. It fails to deliver. Before Christ, we are like children chasing pretty bubbles. Once we catch one, it pops. So we run to another bubble. It promises so much, but delivers so little.

During his life, King Solomon had the ability and authority to buy, enjoy, and do anything that made him happy. In Ecclesiastes 2, he revealed his all-access pass to pleasure and self-fulfillment. He had nonstop entertainment, laughter, pools of water, wine, novel sexual encounters, children, cattle, silver, gold, royal treasure, music, personal servants, vineyards, gardens, beautiful houses, and worldwide celebrity status. Whatever his eyes desired he indulged in.

And how do you suppose he responded to this wonderful life? “So I hated life, for the work which had been done under the sun was unhappy to me; because everything is futility and striving after wind.” (Ecclesiastes 2:17)

Life apart from Christ is never meant to work or satisfy. It takes from you and leaves you holding the empty bag. Our modern world is messed up because mankind is living for pleasure. Now, hold onto that thought because we’ll apply it to our teenagers in just a bit. But we must continue down the Apostle’s description of people without Christ. Trust me, it’ll make sense.

Darkness of the understanding

If we were living for what did not satisfy, why didn’t we change? Because we didn’t understand what we were doing. We were living in the dark. God had shined His light through Jesus in this world but the darkness did not comprehend that gospel light. Our Enemy had draped a thick veil of ignorance across our minds. (2 Corinthians 4:4)

Oh, I just said a dirty word … ignorance. Is that not the ultimate insult to modern man? Here is a man who claims he is not Christian because he’s an intellectual and a man of science, reason, and philosophy! He has no time for fanciful tales and supernatural events like creation, the virgin birth, or resurrection from the dead. “Surely a thinking man cannot be expected to believe such things. Those who believe in God are in the dark intellectually, but we who believe in science and reason are the enlightened ones.”

But such a man, however brilliant, has been duped by the master deceiver. Even the brightest of intellects cannot see through the mist of spiritual darkness. For you see, this ignorance has nothing to do with mental ability; it has everything to do with spiritual inability. Those who are dead in sins do not have the life of God. Dead people don’t see.

But a remarkable thing occurs at the moment of regeneration! The Spirit of God comes to live inside - God in you! This is Christianity! God moves in. God brings the dead sinner to life. With this new life comes new understanding, true enlightenment. Now he sees. Now he comprehends. The light has been turned on. And this has happened to your teenager at conversion. But let us continue with one more description of life apart from Christ before we bring this first lesson to a close.

Greediness of the conduct

Why is the world the way it is? Because men and women walk in the futility of their minds. Why does mankind live such empty lives? Because the world is spiritually dead and their understanding is darkened. What are the consequences of such a life? A greedy, self-absorbed existence. Hey, welcome to the modern world!

Our world today is callous. Other people’s feelings, sensitivities, requests, authority, time, experience, opinion, or even pain do not matter. Apart from Christ, we are past feeling for them because we are full of feeling for ourselves. And the more we love ourselves, the more unrestrained we will be. We give ourselves over to ourselves in shameless, brazen acts of sensuality and uncleanness. We celebrate what is immoral. We parade what is crass. We post what is pornographic, lewd, or unclean. The motive behind it all is greediness. What matters is me and how good I must feel. It’s all about me and my truth. So I take what I want, when I want, how I want, because I’m all I want.

This is why we keep hurting one another. This is why we hate, shame, bully, deceive, abuse, use, mistreat, and even kill others. This is why the world is so messed up — we are messed up! For all our education, hashtagging, awareness, and advancement, our world is getting no better. All this is vital for your Christian teenager to understand. He or she must see what they used to be for there to be positive change going forward.

God’s Answer

Our world is pretty messed up. What is the answer? We need a new humanity!

And this is the gospel! Here is Christianity! God stepped in. He chose and called out from the old race of humanity a new race of men and women from every ethnicity on the earth. One by one, He would bring their dead minds to life. He would grant them faith in Christ. He would enlighten their dark minds with the true knowledge of the gospel. He’d create in them new minds, new feelings, new desires, new understanding, new love, new hope, and a new destiny. And this ever expanding new humanity is to astonish the old humanity! Now there is a new possibility to bring true justice, peace, and love to this old world.

So let us apply this to your teenage boy or girl. To have a “new” teenager in your home, you must help him determine if he is a part of the old humanity or the new humanity. Is your daughter saved? Is your son believing in Christ alone for his salvation? This is the starting point. We will discover from the rest of Ephesians 4 in the weeks to come exactly how new people behave in the old world, but first your teens must come to understand there are only two types of people, new and old. Which one are they?

The Apostle’s whole argument for the Christian, the new person, is to no longer walk (behave) as he/she used to walk. If it is true you have been made alive with a new mind, you should have new behavior and conduct. From this point on, nothing will ever be the same. You say you are in Christ, therefore act like it! No longer behave like you once did without Christ in the vanity of your mind, the darkness of your understanding, and the greediness of your behavior. You are becoming more like Him and less like the old you.

This is where you begin with your precious daughter or son. Start with the gospel. This is what you once were. You are no longer that because of Jesus. You’re an entirely new person now. With new life comes new living. May God give us grace to see this!

Growing Kids in a Godless Culture (Part 1)

Chris Lynch — Tue, 10 Aug 2021 00:00:00 GMT

We live in a crazy world. And it’s getting crazier by the day. And it’s not a good, fun kind of crazy. It’s scary. And one of the scariest things to me as I look around at our rapidly spiraling culture is that this is the world my believing children have to live in. During their formative years and beyond they are sure to face far darker and more sinister challenges than I ever did. Their worldview, belief system, and commitment will be challenged.

As fathers, that thought must sober us and call us to action because it is my job and yours to help prepare and equip them for living in their world. But there’s good news: they have all they need to be prepared, and you and I have all we need as we prepare them!

My goal is to suggest some biblical and practical foundation pieces for us as believing fathers that will help us guide our born-again children through the cultural pitfalls all around them. Then next time we’ll tackle specific opportunities you and I may have day in and day out to put these foundation pieces into practice.

As a dad to two redeemed elementary-age children, I am noticing how much they are starting to notice about their godless surroundings. They don’t miss much anymore. They’re seeing the mess around them, and they’re wondering about it. And that fact is presenting me with a golden opportunity.

Helping Them Pursue Holiness

How does Scripture define our job as dads? Perhaps the most succinct example is Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers… bring [your kids] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Our job is to introduce them to the Lord himself. He’s the central topic! And as they come to know him by faith, we must consistently teach them what he has said and what he expects.

1 Peter 1:13–16 summarizes what he expects. The goal for any believer, as they grow in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, is holiness, being set apart and uniquely committed to him. Our Lord is holy, and he expects that we grow to be like him. Our regenerate children are called to that pursuit just as much as we are.

But Peter knew that our pursuit of holiness will be a battle, no matter our stage of growth. So I love how he starts out his call to holiness: “preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded” (v.13a). Our children need to be prepared and equipped for the opposition they are sure to face.

Their enemy doesn’t want them to be holy. Their enemy is going to throw falsehood and appealing thinking and doubt and tempting alternatives at them right from the start, right now in their formative years. And their godless surroundings are a massive tool he is sure to use.

It’s our job as dads to equip their thinking and guide their actions to not turn aside from that pursuit of holiness. Their culture will counter that effort at every turn. So prepping them for that opposition is a vital part of our role as they develop their own holy living.

So what foundations can we put in place to help us help them handle the fallen aspects of their culture? Here are a few ideas.

Develop Scripture’s Impact on Them

God’s Word is where our kids find the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It’s where they find how to be holy. And it’s the weapon they need to prepare their minds for action. It’s the foundation that will enable them to withstand all that their culture will throw at them.

They need to have confidence in it. They must know it provides the answers they need. Before we ever tackle the difficult topics of fallen culture with them, we must present them with this foundation.

Show them the Word is central to you.

We have to start here. Your kids won’t believe God’s Word provides what they need if they see that you don’t actually believe that yourself. Do you respond to all the crazy daily life stuff with Bible truth? How much do you prioritize the Word daily yourself? Do you practice what you “preach”? Do you know your Bible enough to answer questions from Scripture?

Enable them to glean from Scripture themselves.

As your children move from pre-school into the elementary years, they can read and process more. They can think more critically (evidenced clearly by their rapidly developing debating skills!). So there’s no reason why they can’t start reading God’s Word on their own.

Read it alongside them. Provide daily or weekly reasonable reading plans for them, even if it’s just a few verses at a time. Select passages they can understand at their level—you know them best! Encourage a mixture of Bible stories, individual psalms or proverbs, teachings from Jesus, and snippets of content from New Testament letters. And follow up every time with explanation and to ensure at least a basic understanding.

Just encourage them to read. For themselves. It’s not a book that they have to go through Daddy and Mommy to understand. Your kids can benefit from it too, with the Spirit’s help! We don’t stop instructing through the Word with them as they reach this age, but we are adding the element of self-exposure now. We are teaching them how they can dig for truth themselves.

Expect retention at church.

They aren’t just old enough to read the truth on their own; they’re old enough to retain what they are taught in your local church, too! Communicate to them that you expect them to be impacted by the Bible on Sundays.

Teach them how to think while they sing in worship and hold them accountable afterwards by discussing what was sung. Depending on their age and ability, expect them to listen to the sermon or to the discussion in a small group setting. Perhaps provide them with a notepad to write down the passage reference for the week, a truth they heard preached from it, and something God expects them to do from that passage. They can do it!

All of this and more will continually underscore for them that the Bible is for them and speaks to them. This will develop in them an expectation that, when they go to God’s Word, it will not fail to have what they need.

Actually Expose Them to Their Surroundings

Intentionally put your children in situations where they will be exposed to their culture—including some of the problematic stuff! At first glance this suggestion seems unwise. But think about it: at this stage you have the chance to show them how Scripture speaks to those things. Developing and guiding the habit of thinking biblically about what they see now will go a long way to ensuring they will think that way later.

Be careful.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not suggesting that you throw them to the wolves! These need to be controlled opportunities that you intentionally experience alongside them and that you can oversee directly.

Look for opportunities to involve them in the community.

While the primary purpose for community involvement is evangelism, community involvement also gives opportunities for exposure! Interactions at the neighborhood pool, participation in community sports or music programs, and other activities allow your children to rub shoulders with the lost in ways you can oversee and follow up on.

Don’t be lazy!

Cloistering our children and shielding them from all the junk in our culture may seem like the safe option, but it may (perhaps) expose our own unintentional laziness. It takes time and effort to do all this deliberate and controlled exposing. It takes forethought to present our children with situations where questions will arise that we can answer with truth. It takes commitment and hard work to consistently initiate that debriefing. But it’s worth it! Don’t take the easy way. Bring them up in the instruction of the Lord by providing strategic opportunities to think about and practice their holiness.

Promote Opportunities for Discussion

Once your kids are exposed to the godless culture around them, don’t miss the opportunity to chat about what they’ve seen or heard! Your prompt and intentional leading in discussion is vital.

Be open and approachable.

Your kids need to know that you are available when they need to debrief. Be quick to listen. Be vigilant for opportunities because your child may only hint at something he or she has been exposed to. Set the expectation with your words and actions that they can and should come to you. Be present; don’t let your electronic device send a message of unavailability.

Set regular debrief times.

Your kids should expect that there will be a debriefing after each exposure to culture, however short it may be. Those opportunities can be formal or informal. About a year ago I decided on a whim to start “hanging out” by my son’s bedside before we pray—just be there and have small talk for a couple minutes. Regularly something he saw or experienced that day will come up. He knows to expect it now. Sometimes I ask questions, sometimes I don’t. But we always chat, and I’ve been surprised at the benefits!

Speaking of questions…

Be sure to prompt regular discussion about what your children are seeing around them. Open-ended questions like these are great tools:

Does what we just saw or heard bother you? Why?
Are you hearing things from your neighborhood friends that seem wrong to you?
Have you noticed that what you just saw or heard is different from your experience at home or church?
What do you think God thinks about that? Why do you think those people feel their actions are ok?
Get them to wonder about things they see or hear, and then direct them to truth.

Don’t react.

Your children are learning. They’re seeing and hearing new things. They’re new to this whole interpret-culture-with-truth thing! Be prepared for what they may say and don’t react. Ask for God’s help to not be visibly shocked or put off by their perspectives. Patiently direct.

Pray for wisdom.

You’ll need it. Every time. And you know where to find it (James 1:5).

We’ll come back to this topic in Part 2 and apply these concepts to specific situations you may face. But no matter the opportunity, it is a privilege to help our young but growing children prepare themselves for action in the pursuit of holiness despite a godless culture.

View part 2 here.

Counseling Your Children about Salvation

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 12:53:03 GMT

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I pray for my children’s salvation every day. If you are reading this post, then probably you do too—and you should! There is nothing that a Christian dad desires more than the salvation of his children.

I believe that ultimately, God is sovereign in salvation (John 6:65; Acts 13:48). It is a gift that He gives to whom He chooses (Eph 1:4-5, 11; 2:8-9). However, God also describes salvation as a decision to turn from one’s sin (repentance—Acts 17:30) and trust Christ alone (faith—Acts 16:31; c.f. 20:21). Moreover, He wants us to invite others to make that decision (Acts 2:38; 3:19; 8:22)!

One of the most exciting and terrifying jobs of a parent is to present the decision for salvation to your children. Here are some principles I have tried to follow when working with children, including my own.

1. Do not invite your child to trust Christ until he or she is ready.

Children are very impressionable. It’s easy to get a child to pray a prayer. However, the prayer itself does not save. All of us could probably give an example of somebody we know who prayed to trust Christ as a child but is now living a godless life.

How do I know if my child is ready? Here are some questions I’ve asked myself in order to make that determination.

Does he understand the gospel?

This should go without saying, but it makes no sense to encourage your child to pray to trust Christ if he doesn’t even know what that means. And yet, sadly, parents and well-meaning Christian workers do this all the time. How can you determine whether or not your “child gets it”? Try asking some open-ended questions.

If your child says, “I want to get saved,” ask him, “Why?” If he says, “So I can go to heaven,” play “devil’s advocate” and ask, “Doesn’t everyone go to heaven? Why not?” See if the child says anything about sin. And then if he does, ask him to define sin. Ask him about who Jesus is and about the meaning of His death on the cross. The substitutionary atonement is a big concept, but the child should at least have a basic grasp of the fact that Jesus died in his or her place. Ask him what it takes to be saved to see if he understands grace alone.

If your child can’t give the right answers to basic doctrinal questions about salvation without prompting, you probably have more teaching to do.

Is he convicted?

Perhaps the main way that people hollow out the doctrine of conversion with children is by failing to address repentance. Jesus said, “Unless you repent, you will all likewise perish” (Luke 13:3). Repentance is necessary for salvation. This is why conviction is so important!

How do you motivate a child to “get saved” without convicting him of sin? You teach him about heaven and hell and then say, “Do you want to go to heaven when you die?” No sane child is going to answer, “No, I want to go to hell!” So then you just have the child repeat a prayer after you. But that is not biblical salvation because the child is not repentant. He might not even know why he needs to repent!

If you get the sense that your child is not sorry for his sin, you probably have more convicting to do.[^1]

Has he demonstrated personal initiative?

The Bible is clear that salvation is a personal decision. No one can decide to be saved for you. If a child gets saved because his mom or dad wants him to or because all of his friends are doing it, that isn’t genuine salvation. John 6:44 says, “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him.” So what you want to determine is this: “Is God drawing my child right now?”

When I worked with children at camp Ironwood in Southern California, there were many times I would work with a child who raised his hand for salvation. Sometimes, partway into the conversion, I’d get the impression that the child was losing interest. So I’d ask him, “Do you want to go play?” Some people would probably say that’s a horrible thing to do. But my thought was, if God is drawing this kid, he’ll want to stay and talk. But if he was just trying to make me happy, I wanted to give him an “out.”

Once I was confident that my first daughter understood the gospel, I told her, “Whenever you want to make this decision, just let Mommy or me know.” Then we waited for her to approach us. If your child has not shown personal initiative to trust Christ, you probably have more praying to do.

2. When your child is ready to pray, don’t tell him to “repeat after me.”

I struggled a lot after I trusted Christ with wondering if I said the right words. Because of that, when I am dealing with children, I always have them use their own words. Only once have I dealt with a child for whom this was a hang up. If they truly understand the gospel, are convicted of sin, and want to be saved, praying in their own words is almost never an issue.[^2]

3. Don’t tell your child that he’s saved.

I’ve either run into or heard about a lot of children who think they are saved because Mom or Dad said so. What a horrible foundation on which to base one’s assurance!

1 John says a lot about tests of salvation, and Jesus said, “You will know them by their fruits” (Mat 7:15). Therefore, it is good and right for you to help your children examine themselves as they work through assurance issues. However, some children or teens may try to shortcut that process by asking you point-blank, “Do you think I’m saved?” Don’t answer that question! It is important for your children to study the Bible and come to their own conclusions. Telling your kids that they are or aren’t saved can 1) give false assurance, 2) create false doubt, or 3) reinforce the idea that “the prayer” is what saved them.

Consider instead asking questions like “What does it mean to be saved?” or "What made you wonder about whether or not you’re saved?” Let their answers to these questions lead you to Bible passages that help to address their concerns.

4. Pray for wisdom.

Rarely am I as conscious of spiritual warfare and of my need for God’s help as when I am discussing salvation with a child—especially if he or she is one of my own children![^3] However, one promise I can always fall back on is James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

Satan is real, and he does not want your kids to get saved. However, God is greater, and He loves your children. Not only that, but He promises to give you wisdom if you ask for it. I cannot count the number of times I have cried out to God when counseling children, and He has directed my words. You do not need to be afraid of not knowing what to say or of saying the wrong thing. Stay in the Word, ask God for wisdom, and let Him guide you.

I pray for God’s blessings upon you as you counsel your children about salvation.

[^1]: See this article for further explanation about what it means to convict your children.

How to Fight Lust and Love Jesus (Part 4)

Chris Pennington — Tue, 20 Jul 2021 00:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

<Note variant="note"> In <a className="underline" href="/how-to-fight-lust-and-love-jesus-part-1/">Part 1</a>, I introduced the topic of fighting lust and encouraged 1) finding true satisfaction in Christ and 2) fighting with other believers at your church. <a className="underline" href="/how-to-fight-lust-and-love-jesus-part-2/" >In Part 2</a>, I encouraged rich biblical meditation as a key strategy to fighting any temptation. <a className="underline" href="/how-to-fight-lust-and-love-jesus-part-3/">Part 3</a> encouraged you to find and remove the roots of the sinful lust. </Note>

In this short series of posts, I can only highlight some key graces God has used in my life to help me fight lust as a Christian dad. But in this final installment, I want to point to one final grace from God: your wife.

Strategy 5: Engage your wife

Getting married doesn't fix lust problems—it never has and it never will. But that doesn’t mean your wife has no role to play in your fight against lust. She is God’s gift to you and is a key tool in your fight for the full life.

Let me ask you a few questions:

Who in this world loves you more than anyone else?
Who in this world is most concerned that you be pure?
Who in this world is most committed to help you?
Who in this world has God given to you for your sanctification?
Who in this world is a gift to you for your sexual needs and vice versa?

Your wife is certainly more than all those things, but she does fill each of those roles. In my final strategy, let me encourage you to engage your wife. By this I mean two things: enlist her help and devote yourself to her.

Enlist your wife’s help

Your wife cares about your purity more than anyone else you know! So ask for her help!

You certainly should have other men holding you accountable (as I suggested in my first post) and you shouldn’t make your wife your “accountability partner.” But your wife can still help!

Here are a few ideas of how your wife can help you:

Prayer: Ask your wife to pray for you to cherish her and to be faithful to her.
Accountability: Give your wife full access to your computer, your phone, and any other device or area of your life—technology or otherwise. Make a rule in your home that if you need to stay up late, you will give your wife a full report of how you spent your time the next morning.
Confession and Safety: You need to make a practice of confessing your sin and asking for forgiveness. To protect your wife from your repeated sin, however, set up a safeguard for her. For instance, weekly communicate with your accountability partner about times you confessed to your wife. This allows you to openly confess your sin to your wife while putting a safety in place so she doesn’t feel trapped if you escalate in your sin against her (i.e., someone else knows and will step in to help).
Temptation level: When fighting sin, we often don’t take account of how strong a temptation feels. Whenever you’re fighting any sin, let your wife in on your fight. Let’s take anger, for example. If you rank your level of temptation for anger from 1 (a day of very small temptations to anger) to 5 (constant pressure to blow up), you can communicate to your wife very simply how much pressure you’re feeling to blow up in anger. Consider keeping a log (digitally in a shared note or perhaps on a piece of paper on your bedside table). Each night, write down a level of temptation you faced, whether or not you gave into the anger, and how you responded in repentance. If your wife sees you have faced high levels of temptation for several days in a row (whether or not you’ve succumbed), she can begin to intervene. The same would go for lust. Before submitting to lust, you almost certainly have had 2–3 days of heightened temptation. What if your wife knew? How might she help? How might her knowing help you? Communicating your temptation level will help your wife—your closest companion and the one most interested in your purity—to help you.

These are a few starting ideas. And they’re not limited to temptations of lust. Your wife is one of God’s primary graces to help make you holy, and it would be foolish not to engage each other each day for spiritual encouragement, help, and care.

Devote yourself to loving your wife

The New Testament is full of commands to “love your wife” (in part) because our hearts are in what we treasure (Matt 6:21). What you invest in, you’re certain to love. If you invest your time, energy, money, and effort into your wife, you will begin to develop a deep love for her.

Almost nothing will help you fight temptation like committing yourself daily to choose to show love to your wife. How can you show love to your wife? I’d ask her! She’ll be sure to give you some ideas. But don’t ask if you’re not going to do it!

Here are a few ways to help get you thinking:

Tell her you love her.
Kiss, hug, and hold her (without sex).
Listen to her.
Ask her questions. (Your wife changes over time—so there’s always more to learn!)
Go on walks together.
Read books together.
Write her notes.
Read the Bible with her.
Buy her gifts.
Call her from work.
Give her a massage.
Go on dates.
Love your children.
Praise her in front of your kids.
Pray with her.
Show interest in her hobbies.
Tell her how much you appreciate her as a mother.
Share common hobbies.
Praise her in front of others .
Clean up after yourself.
Do some of her daily tasks without crediting it to your account (e.g., if she cleans the bathrooms in your home, go clean a bathroom, don’t tell her, and don’t expect anything in return).

Your wife may not love all of these ideas because she’ll prefer to be loved in her own way, so be sure to ask her! For more ideas, see John Pate’s post, 31 Ways to Help Your Weary Wife.

Conclusion

Fighting lust is bigger than lust. God is inviting you into a full-life wholeness and lust is fighting against that experience. God is inviting you to something greater—a life of lasting satisfaction without the guilt and shame lust brings.

He’s inviting you to rest in Jesus’ work for you and to enjoy all his good gifts. With his help, it can start today.

Should Dads Stop Freaking Out About Their Kids?

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 13 Jul 2021 00:00:00 GMT

I recently read Crazy Busy, by Kevin DeYoung.[^1] It is a great book, and it helped me a lot. However, one chapter in particular stood out to me. The title of the chapter is “You Need to Stop Freaking Out about Your Kids.”

Highlights from Crazy Busy

Here are some of the highlights.

“We live in a strange new world. Kids are safer than ever before, but parental anxiety is skyrocketing. Children have more options and more opportunities, but parents have more worry and hassle. We have put unheard-of amounts of energy, time, and focus into our children. And yet we assume their failures will almost certainly be our fault for not doing enough.”[^2]

“As nanny parents living in a nanny state, we think of our children as amazingly fragile and entirely moldable. Both assumptions are mistaken. It’s harder to ruin our kids than we think and harder to stamp them for success than we’d like. Christian parents in particular often operate with an implicit determinism. We fear that a few wrong moves will ruin our children forever, and at the same time assume that the right combination of protection and instruction will invariably produce godly children.”[^3]

We must reject our well-meaning but misguided spiritual determinism. As it turns out, it doesn’t all depend on us. The Bible is full of examples of spiritual giants producing rascally children and noble kin coming from polluted loins. While the proverbial wisdom of Scripture (Prov. 22:6) and the promises of the covenant (Gen. 17:7) tell us that good Christian parents and good Christian children normally go together, we must concede that God is sovereign (Rom. 9:6-18), salvation is a gift (Eph. 2:8-9), and the wind of the Spirit blows where it wishes (John 3:8).”[^4]

“I worry that many young parents are too sure that every decision will set their kids on an unalterable trajectory to heaven or hell. It’s like my secretary at the church once told me: ‘Most moms and dads think they are either the best or the worst parents in the world, and both are wrong.’ Could it be we’ve made parenting too complicated? Isn’t the most important thing not what we do but who we are as parents?”[^5]

“[T]he longer I parent the more I want to focus on doing a few things really well, and not get too worked up about everything else. I want to spend time with my kids, teach them the Bible, take them to church, laugh with them, cry with them, discipline them when they disobey, say “sorry” when I mess up, and pray a ton. I want them to look back and think, ‘I’m not sure what my parents were doing or if they even knew what they were doing. But I always knew my parents loved me, and I knew they loved Jesus.”[^6]

“Maybe we are overparenting.”[^7]

Some Takeaways

On the last page of the chapter in my copy of the book, I wrote, “How can this chapter help us at Growing Fathers? Are we needlessly heaping heavy burdens on dads?” These are really good questions for a writer at a dad blog to consider!

So here are my takeaways. These are the four most important lessons I was reminded of by this chapter.

1. Dads must lead in scheduling margin.

DeYoung cites a survey in which children said what they wanted to change most about their parents’ work habits was for them to be less tired and stressed.[^8] However, instead of relieving stress, many parents add stress to their lives by trying to do too much. We cram in the sports seasons, music lessons, and trips, thinking we are doing our children a favor. However, in reality, our children would be better served if we were to do less, be a little saner, and spend more “downtime” with them. It’s hard to teach “by the way” like Deuteronomy 6 talks about if there’s no time “by the way” to talk. Dads, let’s help our families take control of our calendars.

2. Dads must lead in setting priorities.

DeYoung says that parenting may be the last bastion of legalism in our culture.[^9] Parents are shamed for allowing their kids to eat Happy Meals or play Angry Birds. Therefore, they “freak out” about lots of minor issues! Instead, parents should focus on what God emphasizes in His Word, like teaching their children the Bible, taking them to church, loving them, and disciplining them. We also must leave room for other good parents to differ in their application of biblical principles.

3. Dads must not ignore “shaping influences.”

One pushback I have against DeYoung’s chapter is that it could be taken to downplay the significance of what Tedd Tripp calls “shaping influences.”[^10] Shaping influences are things like who our kids’ friends are, where they go to school, what they watch on TV, etc. Although we must not overemphasize shaping influences, we must not underemphasize them either. Psalm 1 and Romans 12:1–2 are two examples of Bible passages that deal with shaping influences. Psalm 1:1 talks about friends, and Romans 12:1–2 talks about being conformed to this world. It matters what influences you allow into your children’s lives.

4. Dad must have a right view of God and the gospel.

This is the solution to the “spiritual determinism” DeYoung talks about. Determinism says, “It all depends upon you. If your child ‘turns out,’ you take all the credit; and if he does not, you take all the blame.” However, the Bible says, “God is sovereign.” This truth allows you to rest, even though there is always more you could do. The Bible says, “God is gracious.” This truth gives you hope when you’ve sinned. The Bible says you could do everything right and your children still reject Christ. This truth causes us to cry out to God in prayer for our kids.

Christian Dad, is your life filled with unneeded stress and anxiety? Maybe you need a healthy dose of the medicine DeYoung offers. Maybe you need to stop freaking out about your kids and rest in truth about God and the gospel. As DeYoung says at the end of the chapter, you will never avoid being busy with kids, but you can avoid being “crazy busy.”

[^1]: Kevin DeYoung, Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book about a (Really) Big Problem (Wheaton, Ill: Crossway, 2013). [^2]: DeYoung, 65. [^3]: Ibid, 68. [^4]: Ibid, 71 [^5]: Ibid, 73. [^6]: Ibid, 74. [^7]: Ibid, 74. [^8]: Ibid, 70. [^9]: Ibid, 67. [^10]: I wrote an article last year summarizing Tripp’s view on the relative importance of shaping influences vs. what he calls “Godward orientation.”

9 Summer Travel Tips for Families

Chris Pennington — Tue, 06 Jul 2021 00:00:00 GMT

It’s travel season! As we all plan our summer travel, we’ve compiled a list of travel tips we’ve found helpful. Not every tip will work for you or your family, but we hope you find some help here. Comment below with your own suggestions!

1. Set a clear purpose for your trip.

Communication is always important, but especially so when you’re away from home and crammed into a small vehicle. A lot of frustration on trips comes from miscommunication.

Rest. Is your trip meant to help you be refreshed when you return?
Experiences. Is the point of your trip to have special, family experiences?
Family. Is the point to be together with family or friends and deepen specific relationships?
Site seeing. Is your trip intended to expose your family to several new places or unique locations?

Keep in mind that your trip may include several purposes. Most of your time away may be relaxing and refreshing, but you may plan a day of busy activities halfway through your trip. The important thing is to make sure you communicate clearly with each other. Let your purpose(s) guide what you do, who you see, and what you experience.[^1]

2. Set realistic travel expectations.

So many family trips get off on the wrong foot because tensions were running high due to unreasonable or rushed departure expectations. Obviously sometimes a leisurely departure is not a possibility if your trip has a tight schedule. But if there is any way to build in a relaxed departure process, do it.

We all would rather not admit how many times we’ve inadvertently led our families into interpersonal squabbles and angst just by rushing them all out the door unnecessarily. A rigid departure time set by dad runs the risk of pressuring mom, agitating kids, and causing dad’s own frustration to boil over when the inevitable delay happens. Take your time. Enjoy the whole process building up to the trip, not simply the trip itself, all the while remembering that each step of the journey is an opportunity to model and lead.

Once you get on the road, work hard to keep a realistic travel schedule. While you may be more patient than the average dad, we’re generally known for our impatience during trips.[^2] One of the best ways to counter our tendency is to plan for breaks and interruptions.

When your phone says “arrival time 5:05pm,” add additional time mentally because planning for no margin will always end in frustration for everyone.[^3]

3. Fit into your family; don’t make your family fit you.

If you work away from your home, you need to recognize that you’re stepping into your family’s world. They likely already have systems and ways of working when you’re not present. It’s tempting to try to make your family operate like your coworkers or subordinates, but kids make for poor coworkers and your wife doesn’t work for you.

You need to take special care to fit yourself into their normal way of working rather than the other way around. Your 7th grader probably isn’t concerned with efficiency, and that approach might be just the lesson you need to learn.

4. Serve others throughout your trip.

Even if you’re taking a week to relax as a family, you can still find opportunities to serve others. Pay special attention to people who work in the service sector: from waiters, to flight attendants, to hotel staff. Vacationers often miss opportunities to serve the “servants.” You’re not just a family vacationing, you’re a Christian family vacationing. And that should make all the difference!

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Clean up after your family: if you leave a plane, a restaurant table, a hotel room, or a rental car, you have an opportunity to show others you value them by leaving things in a manageable state. If you’ve ever worked in the service industry, you know how discouraging a poor customer can be and how incredibly encouraging a good customer can be.
Express gratitude: take a moment to genuinely thank those whose job it is to serve you and teach your children to do the same.
Be a witness: it’s easy to become so focused on your own itinerary that you fail to consider others and their spiritual needs. However, according to Jesus, we are to make disciples wherever we go (Mat 28:19)! Before travelling, pray together as a family for opportunities to point people to Christ. When possible, engage in conversation with those you cross paths with. Try to turn your conversations to Jesus, the gospel, and the church. God can use even short interactions to help draw people to Himself.

5. Get some quiet time.

It can be challenging to find time for personal worship during family trips. However, vacation is not a time to break from the spiritual disciplines! Skipping devotions in order to sleep in may seem like a recipe for rejuvenation, but it actually results in greater spiritual fatigue (Matt 11:28–30). Your quiet times will most likely look different and be abbreviated during family vacation, but still plan to spend some time alone with God every day.

In addition, you may want to consider getting some extended time alone as well. If you have little kids, this probably seems like an impossibility, but it can be done.

I’d encourage you to trade afternoons or mornings with your wife, where your wife gets uninterrupted time one day and you get uninterrupted time the next. Bring a book that you’ve wanted to read. Reflect on your life and journal. These times can be tremendously profitable.

6. Don’t skip corporate worship with God’s people.

Most people think of vacations as “me time.” I need a break, so I get to do whatever I want for seven days! This thinking often applies to God as well, so many Christians take worship “off” when on vacation.

While there may be appropriate times to miss corporate worship, doing so skips opportunities to teach some lessons you can fully teach only when away from your regular church body. Here are a few of those lessons:

Others worship God. You get to teach your children that other people around the nation or world worship the same God you worship back home.
We never take time off worshiping God. You get to teach your children that the reason you gather each week with your church is to worship God, to tell and show God how good and great he is. Worship is so important you don’t take “time off” because God is that important.
We should empathize with visitors at our church. Your children likely need to experience being a visitor at a church to empathize with visitors at your church. Don’t miss out on the opportunity for them to learn this lesson first-hand.
True churches have a common core. Whatever church you attend will likely be different than your own in some way, and that’s a good thing! The differences offer opportunities to reinforce the common core, the essential nature of a true church.

7. Engage in prayer as a family.

Times away as a family are often exciting and frustrating for the same reason: you can’t control what happens. No matter how much you plan or organize, life is different on the road. Make it a habit to bow and pray together. Pray for God’s help and pray to express gratitude.

This summer, we (Chris Pennington here) made a road trip with our three little ones. As we left our home, we prayed for safety and for our car to make it without trouble. And I told my five year-old to remind me to thank God when we arrived at our destination.

The entire arrival process was frustrating and exhausting. By the time we made it to our place, it was nearly 11:00pm and I was already beyond struggling with my attitude. A little voice suddenly spoke up. “God answered our prayer! We need to thank God for taking care of us and keeping our car working!” These are the moments of grace God gives us on our trips when we make prayer a priority.

8. Prepare for good sleep.

Sleep can be hard to come by at home in your own bed. It’s often much harder when away. Consider taking extra measures to make sleep come easier for all:

Start your wind down routine earlier than normal if possible.
Bring some ear plugs for traffic noise, trains, or each other.
Bring a noise maker to minimize waking each other up.
Consider sleep masks to minimize light (yes, you can even get them for little kids—and who doesn’t want to sleep with a koala face mask?).

It’s hard to enjoy your time away if you’re not sleeping well. And you usually don’t know what your sleeping arrangements will be until it’s too late to prepare.

9. Road trips with young children.

If you have little kids, it helps to have some specifics for road trips. How you prepare will depend largely on the ages of your children, your vehicle, the length of your drive, and more, but here are a few ideas:

Have a special bag with new toys or a snack for a particularly hard time of the trip.
Find a way to track the trip for your kids. For instance, bring a printed map and slowly trace your way to your destination, adding to your travel line at each stop. Or bring a set of stickers and make a line on the ceiling from start to finish. When the line is full of stickers, you’re there!
For new potty-trainers, consider bringing a small portable toilet. Usually the space between “I need to go” and “I’m going” is short, so being able to pull far off the side of the road and sitting your child down on a little potty (hidden from the road by your vehicle) is much easier.
Get a car seat tray for forward-facing car seats.[^4] The trays make it easy for your kids to draw and also help contain toys, books, and more so you’re not constantly picking stuff up off the ground.
Play children’s audiobooks or kids stories.[^5]
Find ways to organize the knick-knacks that multiply on a road trip. Hang a cheap back-of-the-door shoe organizer on the back of the driver’s and/or passenger’s seat (cut in half for better fitting). You can fill the cubbies with snacks, small toys, and other things to keep clutter down throughout your trip.
Consider having some kind of ear-muffling gear on hand while driving if your state allows it. The driver often hits a breaking point with crying and the like before the passenger, and some noise muffling can help even out that timing and allow the driver to focus on the road.
If your kids don’t nap well in the car, consider having a designated “quiet time” for everyone. Accompanying relaxing music can help here.

[^1]: In my family (Chris Pennington here), we use specific terminology for our times away to help with communication. “Vacation” means we don’t plan anything ahead of time and do everything in our power to return refreshed. If we miss out on experiences, so be it. We use “trip” to communicate that our purpose is to do planned activities, to have a schedule, and to enjoy experiences. We would expect to return home more tired than we left for a trip. [^2]: And so we get great little videos like <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CMci3DtlWk2/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">this Instagram video.</a> [^3]: For instance, if you have little kids (~under 7), fifteen extra minutes per hour of travel is a good place to start. So a six hour trip is really seven and a half hours. Find your norm and then start the trip by adding that time on mentally to set the right expectations. [^4]: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Kenley-Kids-Travel-Toddler-Inches/dp/B079H46Y7Z" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Here is an example</a>. [^5]: Roy Dotrice reads Disney stories as audiobooks. Radio Family Theatre from Focus on the Family has several entertaining stories. Patch the Pirate albums are often informative and instructive for younger kids.

How to Fight Lust and Love Jesus (Part 3)

Chris Pennington — Tue, 29 Jun 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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Kids love to push people’s buttons. Being a brother to three sisters myself, I can spot a button-pusher from a long way away. Everyone has different buttons. And what sets one sibling off doesn’t even register with another one.

Temptation works much the same way. While everyone desires the same sorts of wrong things, each one of us is tempted with a different combination of lures.

Thankfully, God has not left us without help. He has many graces, and he also customizes his help by always providing the right grace for the right temptation. In this short series of posts, I can only highlight a few God has used to help me fight lust as a Christian dad.

In <a href="/how-to-fight-lust-and-love-jesus-part-1/">Part 1</a>, I introduced the topic of fighting lust and encouraged 1) finding true satisfaction in Christ and 2) fighting with other believers at your church. In <a href="/how-to-fight-lust-and-love-jesus-part-2/" >Part 2</a>, I encouraged rich biblical meditation as a key strategy to fighting any temptation.

In this next installment, I want to point to one other grace God has given to help me fight temptation: find the root.

Strategy 4: Find the root

For the last few weeks, my two daughters have faithfully weeded our flower garden. At five and three, their version of “weeding” is more like breaking a few leaves. Even a poor gardener like me knows you need to find the root to truly remove a weed.

When fighting sin, we often settle for breaking a few leaves. If the weed doesn’t flower, we content ourselves that the weed is gone. But there’s more to killing sin than stopping the outward activity.

I’m convinced lust usually plays the role of the leaves and requires a root. Lust, in other words, is usually the result of letting a root sin fester and go undetected. What roots flower into lust? Let me offer three common ones.

1. Pride

Sinful lust is always connected to pride in some form. Jon Bloom goes as far as to say, “… the root of sexual sin is not our sex drive; it’s pride.”[^1]

And the Apostle Paul agrees. He lists a series of sins (sexual perversions included) and roots everything in arrogant pride against God! “For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God … claiming to be wise, they became fools … therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity.” (Romans 1:21–26)

Our rationale for committing sins of lust often sounds like this:

“I deserve a little pleasure; life has been hard.”[^2]
“My wife isn’t willing to have sex as often as I want it. I’m owed pleasure and it’s right for me to get it myself.”
"I don't get enough love and respect around here. It doesn't hurt anyone to try to find it by indulging this sinful habit."
“I work so hard and do so much. It’s not a big deal if I indulge briefly in some self-pleasure. I deserve a little break.”
“Most guys can’t control lust, but I can. As long as I keep my pornography to one time a month, I can keep it under control.”

What is that thinking if not pride? It’s just plain arrogance. And so it follows that “the most powerful weapon against sexual impurity is humility.”

“Our most powerful weapon in the fight against sexual impurity is not a cage to hem in our depraved impulses, nor is it increased tolerance of sexual deviancy, but a profound humility. And humility is a deep realization and embrace of the truth that we are not our own. ”[^3]

What produces profound humility? Meditation on the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s hard to use the words “I deserve” if you’ve steeped yourself in gospel realities.

It’s hard to be arrogant when you meditate daily on the reality that God found you lying dead (Eph 2:1) and gave you life by his own death (Gal 2:20).
It’s hard to be proud and grab at your rights when you recall that Jesus did not grasp at his rights (Phil 2:6) but laid down his life for you (John 10:11).
It’s difficult to lust when you meditate on the words of the Apostle Paul: “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.” (1 Cor 6:19–20)

2. Anger

Anger is another breeding ground of lust. What are the things that make you angry? James 4:1–2 says sinful anger arises when one of two things happens:

We get something we don’t want.
We want something we can’t get.

When you get angry, ask yourself, “Am I getting something I don’t want or am I wanting something I can’t get?” Lust often fills the gaps that anger creates.

Control: I’m angry because I want control over a project at work, my children’s behavior, a church responsibility, etc. If I can’t control what I want, I’ll fantasize or engage in lustful thinking that makes me feel in control.
Pain: I’m angry because I don’t want to feel pain and hurt! I’ll stop feeling pain by pursuing pleasure, even if the pleasure is the result of sinful lust.
Respect: I’m angry because I want to be respected by my wife, my kids, my co-workers, etc. I deserve respect and the pleasure it brings. I’ll take what I deserve.

The sinful response of anger looks to the external circumstances and asks God, “Change them” or “Change that!” The biblical response of self-control looks to our own hearts and asks God, “God, give me strength, patience, and humility to face the challenges you have given me.”[^4]

When you deal with your anger properly, you kill lust before it begins.

3. Greed

Greed is wanting more than you’re due. Already you can hear the undertones of pride as well. Greed looks at God’s gifts and cries, “I want more!”

Uprooting greed requires a combination of savoring God, enjoying his gifts, and basking in gospel realities.

Savoring God.

As I’ve tried to encourage throughout this little series, fighting lust is not about fighting lust. Fighting lust is about loving Jesus and finding full satisfaction in him.

Ultimately, unless you find full satisfaction in Jesus, you’ll always look to other things and people. And you’ll always be disappointed. Could it be that your greed is capping your potential for true satisfaction?

God offers you “fullness of joy” and “pleasures forevermore” (Ps 16:11) and you’re settling for a quick hit of sexual pleasure.

Enjoying his gifts.

One of God’s solutions to greed is to charge the rich not to be haughty (pride again!) and to set their hopes on “God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.” (1 Tim 6:17)

In other words, one of the ways we counter greed is by tracing all our gifts to their source. A cup of coffee isn’t about the taste or the caffeine. In a very real sense, it’s about God. God is gifting you with a momentary pleasure from his very hand. And that brings a weightiness to the simplest of pleasures.

When God is in the center, in other words, the (good) things of earth grow strangely bright in the light of his glorious grace. When you enjoy God’s earthly gifts before his face, you grow in gratitude, not greed. “In the light of [Jesus’s] face, [his gifts] get brighter and better and more potent. A full look at Jesus makes his gifts come alive.”[^5]

Basking in gospel realities.

Ultimately, the fix for greed is to look to the cross. For in the cross, in Jesus’s life and death, we have all we need for life (2 Pet 1:3). In God’s work through Jesus, we have all spiritual blessings (Eph 1:3)!

Greed grows when we neglect the cross, but steady gospel meditation results in gratitude, adoration, and worship!

Conclusion

The temptation to lust is our attempt to grab at one of God’s kidnesses outside of his guidelines. Sex within God’s boundaries is beautiful. Grabbing for sexual pleasure outside of those boundaries, however, always ends up feeling empty, shameful, and dissatisfying.

Finding the root not only helps us avoid the shame, guilt, and pain associated with sinful lust, but it also enters us into a life of humility, patience, and satisfaction. You may want merely to kill lust, but God is after making you a new man entirely. You may merely want to get rid of guilt, but God wants to bring you to experience the life of God.

[^1]: The Real Root of Sexual Sin by Jon Bloom [^2]: I find the most stressful life is the more tempting sinful lust looks—particularly if I have stopped meditating on gospel truths. The moment I stop soaking myself in the gospel, my heart fills with pride. When life gets stressful, lust looks very appealing. [^3]: The Real Root of Sexual Sin by Jon Bloom [^4]: For further reading on anger in parenthood, read How to Fight Against Anger in Motherhood or Help! I’m an Angry Parent. [^5]: The Things of Earth by Joe Rigney, page 127.

Who Is Love? And Do You Know Him?

John Pate — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 00:00:00 GMT

Susan Griego’s assignment was fairly simple. She would stroll around the Albuquerque Zoo with her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend until they reached the penguin exhibit. At that point, she was supposed to pull out her phone, offer to take their picture, start recording a video, and her future son-in-law would drop to one knee to the surprise and delight of his girlfriend.

It seemed easy enough.

Susan, however, had some trouble with her phone. After fumbling with it for a while, she eventually borrowed her daughter’s phone, got the video rolling, and the proposal was underway.

Afterward, when they looked back at the video, they found that she did record the entire proposal. Well, she recorded the audio anyway. Susan’s video, instead of capturing her daughter’s reaction, captured an uncomfortably close view of her own excited response to the proposal.

She almost nailed it. She just focused the camera on the wrong person.[^1]

I’m afraid that’s the mistake we often make when we try to grow in our love for our children. We try to love, we struggle to love, we pray for love. But at the end of the day, our focus is squarely on ourselves, on our love. And, in ourselves, we just don’t have what it takes to love. In the previous article, “What is Love?—And Do You Have It?” we observed this important truth: “in order to love our children, we don’t need a minor adjustment of a few degrees. We need a heart transformation!”

That heart transformation is only possible through the God who is Himself love (1 John 4:8). Through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, He gives us a new heart, capable of showing the love of God. As we grow in love, we find that our children don’t need us to love them more. They need God to love them through us.

So let’s take some time to closely examine the love of our God for our children.

God is Love

Read again through 1 Corinthians 13:4–8.

You don’t have to read long before you start to realize there is something unique about the love being described here. It’s not normal. It’s not natural. It’s supernatural.

That is because the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 is actually divine love.[^2] And as we look closer at the love of God for our children, we find that He is very different from us. His love is perfect, selfless, and holy. So what does God’s love toward your children look like?

1. God’s Patience

God is patient toward your children.

One of the most foundational passages about the patience of God in the Old Testament is Exodus 34:6–7. Throughout the Old Testament, kings and prophets quote from these verses.

Here’s how God describes Himself:

The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation (Exodus 34:6–7).

Did you see God’s patience? It’s found in that phrase “slow to anger” or, literally, “long-nosed.”

Dane Ortlund describes that word this way:

“The Lord is long-nosed. He doesn’t have his finger on the trigger. . . . His anger requires provocation; his mercy is pent up, ready to gush forth. We tend to think: divine anger is pent up, spring-loaded; divine mercy is slow to build. It’s just the opposite. Divine mercy is ready to burst forth at the slightest prick.”[^3]

When your son manages to break yet another piece of furniture, God is patient. When your daughter’s mood swings are getting out of control, and you’re at your wit’s end, God is patient. When your family trip somehow disintegrates into a whine-fest, God is patient. He wants to show your children His patience—through you.

2. God’s Kindness

God is kind toward your children. This word is often translated “good” in the Greek translation of the Old Testament and refers to God’s posture toward sinful people (see Psalm 25:7–8).

The New Testament repeats this emphasis:

“For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior” (Titus 3:3–6).

Are your children ever foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures? Do they ever seem to pass their days in malice and envy or hate one another? If so, what is God’s posture toward them? He is kind! He wants to show them His lovingkindness! He even wants to save them from their sin! And he has enlisted you to demonstrate His kindness. God wants to show His kindness—through you.

3. God’s Desires

What are God’s desires when it comes to sinful, broken people? What stirs his heart? In Hosea 11:8–9, we get an intimate picture of God’s heart toward people “bent on turning away.” He responds like this: “My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender . . . for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath.”

When your children have messed up yet again, when they seem bent on making your life difficult, when they seem to lack any sensitivity to the things of the Lord, how does a holy God feel toward them? According to this passage, He feels compassion. He wants to move toward them. He delays His wrath so that they might return to Him.

So, don’t be too concerned about how you feel toward your children. Focus on the love of your God. He desires to show compassion—through you.

4. God’s Demeanor

What is God’s demeanor toward your children? We find out in Scripture that He actually wants to honor sinful people—like your children (see Isaiah 43:9). God doesn’t assign less worth to your children because they are small or immature. In fact, he longs for your children to be restored to the place of honor for which He created them. God wants to show honor to your children—through you.

5. God’s Reactions

God is not quick to react to your children. When they intentionally commit a sin under his all-seeing eye, he doesn’t “lose it” or “lash out.” We saw that in Exodus 34. Instead, God is slow to become angry toward your children. And he doesn’t keep track of their forgiven iniquities (Psalm 130:3). He wants to show your children this part of His character—through you.

6. God’s Emotions

How does God respond to your children? Unlike the cranky, tired dad at the end of a day at work, God wants to rejoice over your children! When He sees what He is doing in their lives, He actually wants to sing about it!!

“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing” (Zechariah 3:17)

God wants to show your children His joy—through you.

7. God’s Endurance

God will never stop loving your children. Your love will fail, but His will not. Your love will sour and wane. His will not. God wants to keep loving your children—through you.

Complete the Circuit

So, how does this work? How does God love through us?

According to 1 John 4:7–13, it has everything to do with the ultimate manifestation of God’s love: “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.” (v. 9). When you trust Jesus, not only does God give you eternal life, His Spirit actually comes to live in you! At that point, something amazing happens. Listen to how John explains it:

“No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit” (vv. 12–13).

That word “perfected” carries the idea of completion. Colin Kruse rephrases it like this: “The circuit of God’s love is completed when we love one another.”[^4] When God’s Spirit comes to live in you, the current of His love begins to pass through you. This “circuit completion” bears fruit as you listen to and walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16).

Does God’s Spirit dwell in you? Have you placed your faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ for salvation from sin? There is only one way to show real divine love to those around you. Your heart must be transformed through a relationship with God.

If you have trusted Christ, are you allowing Him to love your children through you? Do you seek to daily walk in His Spirit?

The passages we’ve looked at today just scratch the surface of the love God has for you and your family. You need to keep looking at His love.

Consider starting a daily journal in which you capture the love of God revealed on the pages of Scripture. The Gospel of John is a great place to start. You could even call your journal something like “God’s Love for My Family.” Jot down every instance of the love of God for people. Think about His love. Then, pray for His help to show that love to those around you.

[^1]: <a href="https://wng.org/podcasts/kicker-proposal-photos-gone-wrong-1617918309" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://wng.org/podcasts/kicker-proposal-photos-gone-wrong-1617918309</a> [^2]: In his explanation of this passage, Leon Morris states, “Whereas the highest concept of love before the New Testament was that of a love for the best one knows, the Christians thought of love as that quality we see on the cross. It is a love for the utterly unworthy, a love that proceeds from a God who is love. It is a love lavished on others without a thought whether they are worthy or not. It proceeds from the nature of the lover, not from any attractiveness in the beloved. The Christian who has experienced God’s love for him while he was yet a sinner (Rom. 5:8) has been transformed by the experience. Now he sees people as those for whom Christ died, the objects of God’s love, and therefore the objects of the love of God’s people. In his measure he comes to practise the love that seeks nothing for itself, but only the good of the loved one. It is this love that the apostle unfolds” (Leon Morris, 1 Corinthians, 174). [^3]: Dane Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly, 148. [^4]: Colin Kruse, The Letters of John, 162.

Why Your Kids Need a Church Family (Part 2)

John Dalrymple — Tue, 15 Jun 2021 00:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

<Note variant='info'> In <a className="underline" href="/why-your-kids-need-a-church-family-part-1/">Why Your Kids Need a Church Family (Part 1)</a>, I shared about the importance of spiritual authorities, corporate worship, and a Christian community. Here are three more reasons why your kids need a church family. </Note>

Why do you take your children to church services? For many adults, the second most important reason is so that their children will have a moral foundation.[^1] However, in addition to the essential need for sound Bible teaching, there are a few other valuable motivations for your kids to be part of a local church family.

1. Your kids need healthy diversity.

Gray areas in the Church

There is a temptation to want our children to only be around families that are just like ours, but, when searching for a church family, beware of the temptation to prioritize superficial standards above genuine love for Jesus and key Bible doctrines. Christian families will come to different conclusions about how to apply God’s Word in different areas of life and that is to be expected.

The Bible gives clear directives for many areas, but there are also “gray areas” that families will view differently.[^2] Be willing to discuss with your kids the Biblical principles you’ve used to develop your family’s standards and have the humility and courage to make changes if you realize those standards lack a solid foundation.

The Church is multicultural

With so much damaging misinformation about diversity in our culture today, it is essential that we teach our kids about healthy diversity within the context of a Biblical church family. We need to remind our kids that Jesus died for all the nations of the world (1 Jn. 2:2) and that we are all made in God’s image and equal before God (Gen. 1:27). The Apostle John describes the family of God in Revelation 7:9 as “…a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb…”

Ideally, our churches should be melting pots of different cultures, but if your community is fairly homogeneous, try to take your kids to visit a local international church or on a mission trip outside the country. The opportunities I had beginning as a teenager to serve and worship with Christians in Israel, Taiwan, Ghana, and Dominican Republic have broadened my perspective and deeply impacted me.

2. Your kids need loving accountability.

God has created us all to need each other. If you are looking for a church with a movie theater experience where you can watch the show and then slip out during the credits, you’re missing one of God’s primary purposes for church gatherings.

In Hebrews 10 the author warns Christians against the habit of neglecting to meet together. Two of the primary purposes he gives for those meetings are to “encourage one another” and “stir up one another to love and good works.” (Heb. 10:24-25) There is nothing passive about the idea of stirring up one another.[^3] You have an active responsibility to your brothers and sisters in Christ when you meet to worship and fellowship.

Christians need a Tonto

I grew up watching old Lone Ranger TV episodes filled with daring adventures from the American Old West. In the very first episode, the former Texas Ranger is almost killed during an ambush and a Native American named Tonto comes along and nurses him back to health. Despite his title, the Lone Ranger never actually fights against evil and injustice all by himself; his faithful companion is always by his side and they rescue each other from danger on a regular basis. Christianity is not for lone rangers; every Christian needs a Tonto.

When you or your children struggle with sin or are tempted to walk away from the Lord, you need to have friends who will boldly confront you and your family about sin like Nathan did to King David (2 Sam. 12:7) or Paul to Peter (Gal. 2:14). Choose a church where you can develop relationships with Christian brothers and sisters who will snatch you out of the fire (Jude 22-23). The members of the body of Christ are called to restore each other when caught up in sin, bear each other’s burdens, confess sins to one another and pray for one another (Gal. 6:1-2; Ja. 5:16).

Make your church your “village”

Your kids need the loving accountability that God designed to take place both inside your home and local church family. In recent years I have approached a few godly adult mentors in our church family and have given them permission to lovingly (and verbally) correct my kids when they see them acting sinfully. If it takes a village to raise a child, then make your church the “village.”

3. Your kids need ministry opportunities.

Your children don’t need to be adults to be able to serve. In fact, if they have been born again, even at a young age, the Spirit of God has given them a “gift” that they are intended to use to strengthen, encourage, and serve their church family. 1 Peter 4:10–11 says, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ…”

<s><h3>Adults Only</h3></s>

Our children will likely be the recipients of much teaching and service through Sunday School and other kids church programs, but they should also learn to serve their church family. Ask your church leadership if your children can help serve in the children’s ministry somehow (a key activity that helped prepare me for pastoral ministry was helping my mom in children’s church).

Talk with your daughter about helping a young mom in your church with house cleaning or babysitting. Encourage your son to volunteer to do yard work for an elderly couple. Help your young children think of who might appreciate a card or coloring page in the mail. Consider who might be blessed by your children playing their instrument. But, instead of simply volunteering your children to serve others, teach them what God’s Word says about serving, be an example of sacrificial service yourself, talk and pray with them about ministry opportunities and then encourage and equip them to serve others for the glory of God.

It is important for our kids to understand that God has designed the church as a body which has many members and each one of those members—regardless of how young or insignificant they might seem—is essential for “building up the body of Christ.” (Eph. 4:12).[^4]

As you regularly communicate to your children the purpose and value of church family, they will hopefully be able to see beyond just trying to get to church on time or their hungry stomachs after the service is over. Church is an opportunity for all of us—kids included—to love and serve others who are different but united in Christ.

[^1]: A <a href="https://www.pewforum.org/2018/08/01/why-americans-go-to-religious-services/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">2018 Pew Research Center study</a> found that for 69% of U.S. adults who attend a religious service at least once or twice a month, they go because it is very important that their kids have a moral foundation. [^2]: For more study on relating to those with a different conscience position, I recommend reading <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/1433550741/?tag=andynaselli-20" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Conscience: What it is, How to Train it, and Loving Those who Differ</a> by Andrew Naselli and J.D. Crowley. [^3]: The Greek word for “stir up”(παροξυσμός) is like our English word, “provocation” which is often used in a negative sense. However, in this verse it refers to strongly provoking or stimulating someone else to do good. The reality is, when it comes to our spiritual walk, many times we need a firm push instead of a gentle nudge from our Christian friends. [^4]: It is also valuable for our children to be involved in evangelistic community opportunities, but my emphasis in this article is on the role of the church.

Is It Right to Convict My Children?

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 08 Jun 2021 14:23:06 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

One of the most important verses in the Bible about how to use the Bible is 2 Timothy 3:16. This verse says that the Bible is profitable not only for doctrine and training but also for reproof and correction. According to one Bible dictionary, reproof means “to show people their sins and summon them to repentance.” Another word for that is “convict.”

Many Christians assume that it’s not their job to convict other people. “Conviction is the Holy Spirit’s ministry!” they protest. However, just because the Holy Spirit convicts doesn’t mean that we don’t have to. In fact, God commands us to convict other people!

Conviction is an important part of preaching. 2 Timothy 4:2 says, “Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.” Preachers should not “go to meddling” as the old saying goes, but they should step on toes sometimes! Biblical preaching includes convicting application.

Personal ministry also includes conviction. Proverbs 25:6 says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” How many of us would love to have a friend like Nathan the prophet, who confronted King David in 2 Samuel 12 over his sin with Bathsheba? Or what about Paul, who, according to Galatians 2:11–13, confronted Peter to his face for compromising the gospel?

In order to obey Scripture, we must learn to convict our children. But this is easier said than done. One reason conviction is hard is because we don’t like confrontation.

Take me, for example. I’m a diplomat by nature. The last thing I want to do is to make my children feel bad. And yet, I must learn to convict for God’s glory and the good of my children.

<Note variant="info"> Note: Remember, by ‘convict’ I mean we should be a part of God’s process to bring about real change in our children’s lives. We should take God’s Word and apply it, calling our children to repentance. The Spirit of God uses this proclaimed word to convict our children and change them. </Note>

Why is Conviction Important?

But perhaps you’re not convinced. Here are two additional reasons why convicting is very important.

Conviction leads to repentance and confession, which leads to forgiveness and grace. Psalm 32:1 says, “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.” If we want our children to experience that blessing, we must convict them.
Correction without conviction is simply behavior modification. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with replacing bad behaviors with good ones. However, if you try to change your child’s behavior without addressing his sin problem and relationship with God, you will turn him into a Pharisee.

Think of conviction as plowing the heart. I live in the desert. When planting seed, you must break up the ground. Similarly, before the word can take root in your child’s life, he must first be convinced of his sin and feel bad about it.

How Do You Convict Biblically?

So, how do you convict your children biblically?

1. Use the Bible.

Biblical conviction is not emotional manipulation! It’s not lecturing your kids and sending them on a guilt trip. It’s helping them see their sin. Use Scripture to expose your child’s behavior as sin.

2. Get to know the passages you will use to convict them.

Let’s say your daughter struggles with anger. Step #1 says to compile a list of verses. What do you do next? March into her bedroom and read off the list? No! You’ve got to study those verses to see what they mean! You don’t want to use Scripture out of context when dealing with your children.

3. Learn to explain the Bible well.

The next step is to communicate the fruit of your study to your children in a simple, memorable way. You’ll want to simplify your vocabulary and use illustrations. Use the word “like” a lot! Getting good at this step will take time and work, but it’s worth it!

4. Focus on the vertical relationship.

When confessing his sin with Bathsheba, David said, “Against You, You only have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight.” What’s that supposed to mean? Didn’t David sin against Bathsheba? He certainly sinned against Uriah–and Joab! And he sinned against the whole nation by failing to lead them well. Frankly, it’s hard to think of anyone David didn’t sin against! However, David understood that his sin against God was what mattered most.

Sometimes we parents rebuke without reference to God. “I can’t believe you would treat your mother that way! How could you be so insensitive?” But that is not where our focus should be. Horizontal relationships matter, but it’s more important that your child feels the weight of his sin against God.

5. Appeal to the conscience.

Thankfully, when convicting your children, you have an ally–their conscience.[^1] When talking to your children, appeal to their own sense of right and wrong. The more Scripture you have taught them, the more sensitive their consciences will be, and the easier it will be to appeal to them.

Christ was a master at appealing to the conscience. Whether responding to the men in the story of the woman taken in adultery, the rich young ruler, or His disciples, Christ could gently pierce the heart with His words. We should attempt to do likewise.

6. Be humble.

We must be very careful that in seeking to convict our children, we do not become arrogant or self-righteous. (Jesus was never arrogant!) Instead, we must approach our kids with humility. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness….” If you try to convict your children in pride or sinful anger, you will exasperate them.

One of the ways to convict with humility is to be open about your own sins. When was the last time you asked your kids to forgive you or used yourself as a negative example? This was something my father did well, and it made a big difference. Humble yourself, and your kids will respond.

7. Choose your words and timing carefully.

This becomes more important the older your children get. If you need to have a difficult conversation with one of your teens, you would be wise to pray over it and think through what you will say. You’ll usually find that the extra prep time was worth it.

8. Don’t convict when you should be encouraging.

Also, encourage more than you convict. There are many times your child does not need to be convicted. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 says, “Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.” We’ve got to discern what type of communication is appropriate for the moment. If you try to reprove the fainthearted or weak, you are going to crush them.

In his book, Teach Them Diligently, Lou Priolo says that his personal goal is to compliment his daughter seven times for every time he corrects her. In order to encourage that much, you must work hard to catch your children doing what’s right.

9. Ask questions.

One of the quickest ways to shut down conversation with your kids is to start by accusing them. By asking questions instead, you demonstrate that you are not going to answer a matter before you hear it (see Prov 18:13). Questions allow your child to expose his own heart in his own words. They are a great way to begin a profitable conversation.

In a culture that celebrates personal autonomy as the greatest good and scorns absolute truth, conviction seems out of place. However, parents who fail to correct their children using God’s Word do their kids a grave disservice. Are you convicting your kids?

[^1]: If your children are saved, the Holy Spirit is also an ally.

How to Fight Lust and Love Jesus (Part 2)

Chris Pennington — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 00:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

<Note variant='note'> Note: In <a href="/how-to-fight-lust-and-love-jesus-part-1/" className="underline">Part 1</a>, I introduced the topic of fighting lust and encouraged finding true satisfaction in Christ and fighting with other believers at your church. </Note>

I want you to imagine the scene of a horrific crime. If you’re a lover of crime shows, you already know what’s coming. A forensic investigator shows up on the scene and starts analyzing every detail—every blood splatter, every hair, every mark on the victim.

Investigation is normal and natural. When someone is murdered, when a crime is committed, we want to know how it happened and who did it. We want to stop the killer from striking again. We want to see the signs and stop the next murder.

Eventually, a story comes to light and the main character often recounts step-by-step what happened and how it happened.

Let me ask you a hard question: do you ever do a post mortem after you sin? It’s a hard question because I think most of us would say, “No.” We want to move past our sin and try not to commit it again. No more thought necessary.

Today, let’s go to the moment of the crime. How do you typically fight temptation (lust or otherwise)? It’s worth giving your answer careful thought. What do you do in the moment of temptation? What decides whether a crime is committed or you escape the pull of your own sinful heart?

If you’re like most people, you tick through two or three reasons why you shouldn’t sin. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t.

Let’s take a real-life example. You see a sensual thumbnail on YouTube and are tempted to click. What do you do next? You probably think something like:

“I know it isn’t right to click.”
“Watching this video would be wrong.”
“I know the Bible says I shouldn’t look at this.”

On a scale of unhelpful to helpful, I’d put this more towards “unhelpful” because you’re just thinking through a few generic concepts. Generic concepts vs a pleasurable taste of sin (albeit very short-lived) is not often much of a match. This strategy may work in low-temptation situations, but it won’t do much if you have a real fight on your hands. It’s like bringing scissors to a knife fight.

God does give you a sword for real fights: the Word of God. In this post, I want to focus on only one strategy to fighting lust, biblical meditation.

Strategy 3: Fight with A Real Sword

The Bible isn’t magic, and invoking Bible verses like magic will do little good. So how do you wield the Bible? You meditate on it. Bible meditation, then, is how you fight with the Sword of the Word of God.

Why should you meditate to fight temptation?

I’d like to offer four reasons with little explanation (to keep this post reasonable in length).

What you’re doing isn’t working.
The Bible commends it.

“I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:19)
Jesus demonstrates it.

“It is written…” (Luke 4:4, 8, 12)[^1]
Meditation sanctifies you (i.e., sets you apart).

“Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth” (John 17:17) “Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.” (2 Timothy 2:7)

A Practical Guide

The type of meditation I’m talking about takes time and effort—there are no shortcuts! Very generally, I’d recommend at least the following:

Take a long passage when possible (we’ll use 1 Thessalonians 4:1–8 as our example).
Read through the passage slowly at least five times a day, looking at the words as you voice them aloud.
Pray through one of the verses each day, talking to God about what the verse means, it’s implications for how you live, and asking for the Spirit of God to help you believe it.
Summarize the passage in your own words once a week without looking at the passage. Compare your summary with the passage. What did you leave out? Did you add anything? This will expose areas you haven’t meditated on well enough.
Continue this practice until you find 1) you’ve “accidentally” memorized it and 2) you keep catching yourself daydreaming on the verse.

I told you it was work! If you’ve never meditated on a passage like this before, you’re in for a treat! It feels like God’s kneading the truths into your heart over and over again until it starts to become a part of you!

When you meditate on passages like 1 Thessalonians 4:1–8, it’s like crafting and honing a sword. When you face temptation to lust, you’ll find yourself responding instinctively with 1 Thessalonians 4. Here are the kinds of biblical motivations that will spring to mind rooted in the specific statements of God:

God’s will is that I am holy and set apart.
God wants me to run away (abstain) from all forms of sexual immorality.
God desires that I control my body rather than be controlled and driven by my passions.
My body is intended for honor and holiness because it belongs to God.
Unbelievers are controlled by the passion of lust and if I give into this lust, I’ll be living like I do not know God.
Lust is never individual; I’ll be wronging my wife, my children, my church, and the women I’m lusting after.
The Lord of all will avenge this sin and to ignore this is to ignore the solemn warning of God.
If I disregard God’s warning, I am directly disregarding God and the Spirit of God who is bringing this Bible passage to mind.[^2]

You may have been able to list out ideas like this before meditating, but once you meditate, these Spirit-applied realities loom like mountains and fill your vision in the moment of temptation.

It’s not the memorization of concepts that gives you power, but the Spirit’s work of making you believe the words of God as you meditate upon them.

Remember: There is no shortcut to biblical meditation. Without time and Spirit-driven effort, you will not experience the reality-transforming power of the Bible in temptation. You can’t cram in the moment; you can’t get what you need from thirty seconds a day or with half-hearted effort.

An Important Reminder: Meditate on Christ

When you’re trying to fight any sin, remember that you’re not primarily running from something, you’re running to Someone!

When looking for passages, it’s important to choose some passages like 1 Thessalonians 4 to motivate you to avoid certain sins. But it’s just as important to meditate on passages commending the beauties of Jesus Christ.

Especially in meditation, Christ must be central. Meditate on Hebrews 1:1–7 or John 10’s Good Shepherd, fix your eyes on the gospel accounts of the cross, or bask in the light of Ephesians 2:1–10. Look at Jesus and be taken by his beauty.

Conclusion: Meditation for Dads

This short series is not ultimately about lust. It’s about pursuing Christ with our minds and hearts. As we look on his face, we are drawn to him. All cheap substitutes loose their shimmer and pull and we develop a healthy fear of displeasing the One we love.

Once you start taking thoughts captive and allowing the Spirit of God to direct and shape your heart, mind, and affections through meditation, you’ll find innumerable applications for fatherhood.

Just tonight my daughter was struggling to fall asleep because she couldn’t stop thinking about a scary story she’d heard. I sat on her bed and meditated together on God’s control, his care for her, and the ways he’s shown her he loves her.

I asked her questions like, “What good things has God given you to show you he loves you?” and “How has God taken care of you before?” As she answered, I kept pressing her for more examples and she kept thinking of more! When I left her, she turned to me and said, “Dad, I’m not scared anymore.” It’s hard to be scared of pretend stories when you’re thinking about the very real sovereign God of the universe who loves you.

As a parent, you quickly realize it’s difficult to teach your children something you’re not practicing. As you learn to meditate, however, you’ll find constant opportunities to teach your children and an ease in demonstrating it to them.

When your children learn to meditate day and night on God’s truth, they’ll be stable and fruitful like the tree in Psalm 1:3. And they’ll keep trusting God even when heat and drought comes like the tree of Jeremiah 17:7–8.

Imagine growing up in a home where your dad helped you meditate and delight in God and his things! Imagine entering Junior High knowing how to take the anxieties of change and apply biblical passages to them. Imagine entering college or your first job having 10+ years of training at home on biblical meditation.

This can be your children’s story, but (very likely) only if it’s your present experience first.

The fight against lust is bigger than lust. It’s not even about lust. It’s about finding the deepest, most satisfying life in Jesus and letting his words shape your heart, mind, and affections.

It’s about becoming the sort of tree that grows strong over decades of biblical meditation and then instilling that stability into your own children. And it’s ultimately about looking to Jesus because in him you already have love, life, and eternal joys forevermore.

[^1]: In Luke, Jesus shows the fruit of biblical meditation. He doesn’t simply quote the Old Testament Scripture, he teases out its implications in his answers. In other words, he shows that he’s meditated on the meaning of the passages. [^2]: I’ve only listed a few of the biblical motivations of the passage.

What Is Love—And Do You Have It?

John Pate — Tue, 25 May 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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“You just don’t love people.”

My lead counselor stared intently at me across the table as camp staff hurried around us preparing for another week of summer camp. As he conducted my counselor review, we began to discuss the previous week of teen camp.

It had been a hard week. I only remember one of my campers, but he was enough. He barely spoke the entire week, seemed always angry, and struggled with bedwetting. I was eighteen, coming off my first year of college, and I wasn’t sure how to handle him. I tried reaching out in various ways—to no avail.

So, for my review, I was hoping to receive some sort of comfort or pat-on-the-back for my efforts. Instead, my lead counselor told me quite plainly that I simply was not a loving person.

I bristled. I knew I struggled to love people who were hard to love, but everybody does. I wasn’t sure my lead counselor knew me well enough to paint with such a broad brush, so I wrote his words off as an overstatement and tried to move on.

The amazing thing is—those words have stayed with me. And, unfortunately, they have too often proven true. Although various situations have exposed my lack of love over the years, hands down, the biggest exposer of my unloving heart has been raising children. I have discovered—and perhaps you have too—that on our own, without a supernatural work of grace, we are unable to truly love our children.

For, in order to love our children, we don’t need a minor adjustment of a few degrees. We need a heart transformation!

Paul addresses the issue of love in his letter to the church at Corinth. The Corinthians were a young church and had recently begun using their spiritual gifts. Instead of using these gifts to build each other up, however, they plied them to their own benefit, flexing their spiritual muscles and attempting to climb the “ladder” of their local church.

So, right in the middle of this discussion, Paul takes an important detour. He reminds them in 1 Corinthians 13 that even the best talents, abilities, and gifts become mere noise and emptiness if they lack real Spirit-borne love. So, an impressive dad with impressive ministry ability or gifts, if he doesn’t actually love his kids, does nothing for God’s kingdom.

Paul gives the solution to this alarming situation in verses 4–8 by describing what true love looks like. Let’s take some time to ask the important question, “What is love?” and listen to what God says.

“Love is patient”

Read those three words again, this time slowly. A truly loving person is a patient person. The word translated “patient” means “long-nosed” or “long-tempered” specifically in regard to difficult people.

Are your children ever difficult? Do they ever make the same mistake multiple times? Do they ever wear you down with their behavior? A loving dad is a patient dad. He isn’t harsh. He doesn’t lash out.

He doesn’t boil over or blow a fuse. When his children persist in a sour attitude, he is patient.

When his day is upended by the mistakes of those around him, he is patient. When others do not deserve his patience, he is patient.

Love is “kind”

A truly loving person is kind or “good” toward those around him, especially difficult people. Do you ever feel like your kids run you over? Perhaps they unwittingly take advantage of you or abuse your kindness. A loving dad continues to be “kind” even to those who do not always deserve it. He treats them as he would a dear friend. He “lights up” when one of his children walks into the room.

“Love does not envy or boast”

A love that is patient and kind is going to affect every part of you. It will begin affecting your desires, transforming how you think about other people. You will not envy those who have more and you will not boast over those who have less. In other words, true love isn’t always trying to compete with others for the best spot. Instead, a loving dad will seek to outdo his kids in showing honor to them (Rom. 12:10). He will look for ways to show them their value and to praise them.

Love “is not arrogant or rude”

True love will also affect your demeanor, transforming how you speak. You will not be puffed up with pride over those who seem to be less important or act rudely toward those who may not seem worthy. A loving dad realizes that his children are cherished and honored by their Creator and treats them accordingly. His words do not demean them or run them down. Instead, he speaks to them as those who are worth a great deal to the God who made them.

Love “does not insist on its own way”

True love will affect your purpose, transforming how you act. A loving person is on the lookout for the needs and interests of others instead of seeking his own way. Does your home revolve around your own needs and interests? Do you expect your children to look out for your needs and then grow frustrated when they don’t? A loving dad seeks to be keenly aware of the needs and interests of even the smallest members of his home. And he empties himself of his own ambitions, if necessary, to meet those needs.

Love “is not irritable or resentful”

True love will affect your responses, transforming how you react. A loving person does not grow irritated by ongoing wrongs or resentful about past wrongs. That word “resentful” is an accounting word. I like how the NASB translates this phrase: “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” It carries the idea of keeping a ledger in which the offenses of others are carefully recorded.

A loving dad is not irritable or easily annoyed by his children. He’s not touchy, reacting at the slightest provocation. His family doesn’t need to tiptoe around him, always wondering what kind of mood he’s in. He’s also not resentful. He doesn’t “mark iniquities” (Ps. 130:3). He doesn’t allow yesterday’s offenses to affect today’s responses. He doesn’t resurrect an old offense in a heated discussion. Every morning is a morning brimming with new mercy toward those around him.

Love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth”

True love will affect your emotions, transforming how you feel. A truly loving person will not take pleasure when he hears about the misfortunes or sins of others. He doesn’t latch on to a rumor about someone, secretly hoping it is true. Instead, his heart soars when he hears that others are experiencing the blessing of walking in the truth!

When do your children see you the most animated? Is it on the drive home after you’ve had to pick them up at the principal’s office? Or is it when you catch a glimpse of God’s spirit at work in their heart and life? A loving dad will look for those glimpses of truth, no matter how small they may seem. A loving dad will experience the greatest joy every time he finds his “children walking in the truth” (2 John 4).

“Love bears all things”

At this point, Paul begins a staccato-like crescendo as he concludes his description of love. The kind of love he has been describing will affect every aspect of your life, transforming how you endure. A truly loving dad will bear up under whatever difficulty arises as he loves his children. True love doesn’t take its leave when the going gets tough.

Love “believes all things”

A loving dad will be ready to give the benefit of the doubt. He is not gullible, but his default setting is to believe that God is always up to something good in his child’s life.

Love “hopes all things”

A loving dad also believes that God will win. Even on his child’s worst days, he resolvedly trusts that God’s Word will not return empty (Isaiah 55:11).

Love “endures all things”

While the word “patient” in verse four describes perseverance with difficult people, the word “endurance” describes perseverance with difficult circumstances. True love stands the test of time. Through whatever chaos, drama, or heartbreak may come his way, a loving dad endures. He keeps going. He is faithful.

This kind of love, Paul says, “never ends.” It never falls. Impressive ministry ability or spiritual giftedness will fail, but true love will never fail.

Heart Donor Needed

As you’ve heard Paul describe love, you may be thinking, “Great. If that’s true love, then I don’t think I’m a loving person.” Maybe you are sometimes short-tempered and harsh. Maybe you have dishonored your children or lashed out at them with your words. Perhaps you are easily annoyed by them. Or maybe right now you can pull up a mental list of ways they’ve made your week difficult. Perhaps your love is quick to flag when the going gets tough.

The truth is—simply reading through 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 isn’t going to fix this problem. Trying to be patient and kind instead of testy and cruel doesn’t make you a loving person. It doesn’t change your heart. What you and I need is more than a shot in the arm. We need to be transformed from the inside out. We need a heart transplant!

But where are we going to find a new heart?

To answer that question, we need look no further than this passage. Take a look again at verse four: “Love is patient and kind.” These two words, “patient” and “kind” were quite familiar to early New Testament believers. They had encountered them over and over again in their Greek translation of the Old Testament. All throughout their Bibles, they had seen these very words used—to describe God and His character.

1 Corinthians 13 isn’t just describing a quality to emulate; it’s describing the character of God Himself and how He transforms the way we treat others. In other words, we don’t just need to turn over a new leaf or reform our actions. We need a relationship with God through the person of Jesus Christ!

In part 2, we’ll explore how our relationship with God transforms our hearts and lives by asking the important question “Who is love?” In the meantime, read back through 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 and begin to meditate on the patient, kind love of your God.

Why Your Kids Need a Church Family (Part 1)

John Dalrymple — Thu, 20 May 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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My kids don’t wonder if we are attending church services on Sundays or church fellowship activities throughout the week. I’m a pastor—that’s part of my job. Many, however, choose to be active in a church family in addition to their already busy lives of work, school, and other activities. If your child were to ask you why your family spends a few hours each week with such a diverse group of people, what would you tell them? In part one of this article we will look at three reasons why your kids need a church family.

1. Your kids need spiritual authorities.

As a father, God has given you an important responsibility to be a spiritual leader in your home.[^1] There will come a day, however, when your children leave your house and launch out on their own. When they no longer live under your roof, who will be the spiritual authority figures in their lives?

God expects each of us to submit to church leaders as God’s spiritual authorities (1 Peter 5:5). Hebrews 13:17 explains this is because “they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.” It’s important for your kids to see that you, as a member of a church, acknowledge the authority of a pastor in your life.[^2] This will involve your response to sermons, seeking pastoral counsel about decisions, and following the pastors’ leadership in the church’s operation and direction.

Unfortunately, many parents have been hurt by pastors or other church leaders who were abusive, manipulative, or generally uncaring. Sometimes, this has caused parents to pull away from any church so they can shepherd and protect their families on their own. Although this may seem like the safest action to take, it is unbiblical and undermines God’s design.[^3]

If you are currently searching for a church family, put a high priority on godly church leadership.[^4] Take the pastors out to lunch and ask them about their relationships with God and their families. Ask church members about the strengths and weaknesses in the leadership team. Then, once you’ve found a healthy church with godly pastors, “imitate their faith and submit to them” (Heb. 13:7, 17). Honor them with your words. Refrain from sermon bashing during the Sunday afternoon meal. Go to them for counsel and encourage your kids to do the same. Express appreciation for your pastor in front of your kids. I will never forget my mom making apple pie for our pastor’s birthday every year. And remember that you are shaping the way your children view pastoral authority.

By God’s grace, your pastors will have a vital role of spiritual authority and guidance in your child’s life long after they are out from under your authority in the home.

2. Your kids need corporate worship.

Family worship should be an essential and regular practice in the home.[^5] However, since the formation of the church in the 1st century, Christ-followers have met regularly on Sunday to remember His death and resurrection through the Lord’s Supper as well as to devote themselves to teaching, fellowship, and prayer (Acts 2:42). Many families experienced how convenient it was to “attend church” from home during part of 2020, but many have come to realize how truly essential it is to gather together for corporate worship.

Don Whitney rightly observes, “There’s an element of worship and Christianity that cannot be experienced in private worship or by watching worship. There are some graces and blessings that God gives only in the ‘meeting together’ with other believers” (Spiritual Disciplines, 92).

It may be easier to stay in your pajamas and tune in to a church service with your family from your living room, but bringing your children to gather with your church family for corporate worship communicates to your kids that worship is not about our convenience—it’s about God’s glory.

When your children ask you, “Why do we go to church?” or as you drive to church on Sunday mornings, remind them that the church gathers in order to worship God through singing, praying, giving, and responding to the preaching of His Word.[^6] Your church may provide a “children’s church” program during the worship service, but consider keeping your children in the service for corporate worship, at least until the preaching begins.

If you can get a copy of the service order before Sunday morning, sing or play some of the songs during family devotions throughout the week so your children can be prepared to sing along with the congregation. Our children’s voices may not always be perfectly in tune, but I have found that my boys’ exuberance in singing with the congregation is edifying and contagious.

3. Your kids need a Christian community.

In our day and age, there seems to be no shortage of community groups for families—sports teams, school groups, martial arts classes, and music studios to name just a few. In addition, God has placed you in a neighborhood where your kids have likely developed relationships with other children. Each of these communities is valuable, but they should not replace the role of the church as a foundational community for your family.

There may be Christians in those different groups, but there will also be youth with unbiblical worldviews. The friends that your children regularly interact with will inevitably have a profound impact on their lives. So choose your community groups carefully and prioritize the role of Christian friendships, particularly within the context of a church family that you gather with weekly.

Conclusion

It goes without saying that these three reasons apply to you as well as your kids. Each of us needs spiritual authorities, corporate worship, and a christian community. The church is not just another social institution. God has designed church families to function as a vital part of your life.

Don’t view your church family as extended relatives that you interact with at holidays. View your brothers and sisters in Christ as Jesus did, remembering that the nuclear family is temporal, but the church family is eternal (Matthew 12:46–50; 22:29-30).

[^1]: See Kristopher Schaal’s helpful articles on Dads and Authority—part 1, part 2, part 3. [^2]: Christians have differing views on church membership, however, it should be noted that it is very difficult for a pastor to know who he must “watch over” and “give an account for” if there is no form of church membership. [^3]: Hebrews 10:25 is clear that regularly gathering with a church family is expected of all believers. [^4]: There are many other important considerations when selecting a church. A church’s statement of faith is a good place to start. Consider reading Mark Dever’s book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/What-Healthy-Church-IX-Marks/dp/1581349378" rel="noreferrer noopener" target="blank">“What is a Healthy Church?”_</a> [^5]: See Kristopher Schaal’s helpful article, “Getting Started with Family Devotions.” [^6]: It’s also helpful to remind them that the church is the people not the place. Instead of saying, “we are going to church” you might say, “we are going to worship God with our church family.”

The Power of Teachable Moments

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 11 May 2021 12:52:12 GMT

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Deuteronomy 6 includes some of the most important words in the Bible to parents. In vv. 6–7, Moses commands parents to teach their children.

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children….”

The Hebrew word for “diligently” was used to describe the process of sharpening a sword. You sharpen a knife by repeating the same motion over and over. Similarly, we are to teach our children repeatedly, little-by-little.

In addition, this teaching is not to be confined to formal lesson times.

“You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

In his book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Teach-Them-Diligently-Scriptures-Training/dp/1889032204" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Teach them Diligently</a>, Lou Priolo calls this “teaching in the milieu” (the word “milieu” coming from the Latin word for “middle”). The idea is to use life circumstances as a springboard for teaching your kids. Some people call these “teachable moments.” The last six verses of Deuteronomy 6 describe such a moment.

“When your son asks you in time to come, saying, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes, and the judgments which the Lord our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son: ‘We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, and the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand; and the Lord showed signs and wonders before our eyes, great and severe, against Egypt, Pharaoh, and all his household.

Then He brought us out from there, that He might bring us in, to give us the land of which He swore to our fathers. And the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that He might preserve us alive, as it is this day. Then it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to observe all these commandments before the Lord our God, as He has commanded us.’”

Let me tell you about a teachable moment with my dad that changed my life forever.

When I was about four years old, my dad and I were in our church auditorium cleaning on a Saturday evening. (It was a church plant, and we didn’t have a cleaning crew at the time.) We had some room dividers up, and I asked my dad what they were for. Now, looking back, my dad must have been eager to get home. After all, it was Saturday night, and he had to preach the next morning. But instead of saying, “They’re just to make classroom space,” and leaving it at that, he said, “That’s so that if someone raises their hand about getting saved, we can have a quiet place to talk with them.” And then he asked, “Kristopher, are you saved?”

That was the conversation that led to my conversion. I got saved that day because my dad took advantage of a teachable moment.[^1]

Christian dad, are you taking advantage of teachable moments? Here are three reasons why you should.

1. It’s a more enjoyable way to learn.

Dads, if you want to teach your son about baseball, how would you do it? I suppose you could sit him down and give him a lecture, but that would not be very effective.

Instead, you would take him to a baseball game and explain what was going on while the two of you ate hot dogs, right? Better yet, what if you spent some time with him at a park with a glove, a ball, and a bat? Your son is much more likely to get excited about baseball that way!

2. It’s a faster way to learn.

During my seminary years, I had the great privilege of being a pastoral intern. That internship was extremely valuable because it helped me to focus in my seminary classes. I knew the stuff I was learning in class on Monday would be useful for teaching on Wednesday! Interning made me a much better learner.

The same is true with our children. If we pair our teaching with the circumstances in life that demand that teaching, our kids will probably learn the lessons more quickly and will be less likely to forget them.

3. It places knowledge in the context of obedience.

In the Christian life, knowledge is never an end. When Jesus gave the Great Commission, He didn’t say, “Teach them to know everything I commanded,” He said, “Teach them to observe everything I commanded.”

We’re not just teaching facts; we’re teaching habits. Lecture-style instruction tends to produce scholars. Milieu instruction tends to produce practitioners. Of course, we want our kids to be Bible scholars! But we also want them to apply what they know! So we need both styles of teaching.[^2]

But how do we practically make teachable moments work? Here are some basic suggestions.

How to Make Teachable Moments Work

1. Spend time with your children.

You cannot teach your children “when you sit in the house” and “when you walk by the way” if you don’t sit with them in the house and walk with them by the way! Both “quality time” and “quantity time” are essential.

2. Engage with your children.

This one’s often hard for me. You can’t just zone out and scroll Facebook on your phone while they play. You need to be interacting with your kids, observing them, and above all, listening carefully to what they say.

3. Ask questions to draw out your children’s hearts.

The older your children get, the more complicated they become. Parents of teens need to invest a lot of time talking with (not just to!) their children and asking good questions. You want to figure out what’s going on in their heads. And remember, kids don’t pour out their hearts on a time schedule!

That means you’ve got to talk when your children are in the mood, even if you don’t feel like it. Occasionally, one of your children will ask a question or make a comment that reveals a little piece of his heart. Those are the moments to drop everything and talk. This can be exhausting! But it’s well worth the effort.

4. Encourage your children to ask questions and give them good answers.

Your child’s questions are your best friend. Don’t discourage them unless their questions are an excuse for disobedience. It’s critical that you teach your children the “why.” Also, when they do ask questions, don’t opt for the easy answer.

Once, when we were at the park eating dinner, there was a group of young girls doing their hip hop dance practice across the way. It was discouraging to me to see the provocative ways in which these moms were encouraging their daughters to move their bodies. Then, my five-year-old daughter asked me, “Dad, why can’t we be in dance?” (I don’t remember ever telling her she couldn’t be in dance; but somehow, she got that impression.) I think what I said was something like, “Just because.”

Looking back, I missed a great opportunity to give my daughter a short, 2-minute, age-appropriate explanation of why her mom and I didn’t want her in that kind of dance.

Short answers are easier, especially when we’re tired or we don’t know what to say. “Because I said so,” is handy in those situations.

The problem is that if we always give our kids the short answer, they’ll assume it’s because we don’t have a better one, and when they grow up, they’ll reject that conviction.

5. If you miss an opportunity, come back to it.

Depending on the age of your child, he may continue to be interested in that question for the next couple of days. Take some time to think about it and then get back to him.

6. Use role-play to turn family devotions into milieu teaching.

My grandpa Schaal was a very godly man. My dad says that in family devotions growing up, Grandpa Schaal would ask them questions like, “Let’s say that I’m your friend from school. And I say, ‘Kevin, come try these drugs with me.’ What would you do?” By asking questions like that, we can prepare our kids ahead of time for situations they haven’t even faced yet.

7. Help your children memorize Scripture that you can use to teach them.

One of the greatest blessings of memorizing Scripture is that you have it with you at all times. This is very helpful for milieu teaching, when you don’t have a Bible in front of you.

8. Learn to trace your experiences back to the character of God.

What does the fact that we got a flat tire remind us about God’s ways? How does a giraffe bring glory to Him? What should we remember about Christ when people make fun of us? Bring theology into every aspect of your kids’ lives!

9. Make a family meal and devotions your flagship teaching time.

Many families do not eat dinner together. However, family meals provide the perfect context for teaching in the milieu. We often ask the question, “What did you do today?” and that leads to conversation. I look forward to those conversations becoming deeper and livelier as our children mature.

I’m reading a book called <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Power-Moments-Certain-Experiences-Extraordinary/dp/1501147765" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Power of Moments</a>, by Chip and Dan Heath, which describes the importance of a defining moment and talks about how to use (and even create!) such experiences to help people grow. Modern psychology is fascinating. However, the concept of “the power of moments” is not new to God. Almost 3500 years ago, He instructed His people to use teachable moments to teach their children.

Dad, will you make the most of teachable moments?

How to Fight Lust and Love Jesus (Part 1)

Chris Pennington — Tue, 04 May 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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There once was a village terrorized by a great dragon. When inside the walls, you were safe. But should you find yourself traveling alone, the dragon would attack.

No one could beat him alone, and everyone in the village bore the scars of battle with the beast. Despite their common plight, however, the people almost never mentioned the dragon. If someone whispered about the beast to a friend, they’d usually receive the hurried reply, “Well, we all struggle with it.” And that was that.

They seemed to find comfort in their shared experience so long as they didn’t share it. They thought it better to pretend the dragon didn’t exist or to make a hurried confession to defeats with the quickly-appended, "Well, we all struggle with it." And so it happened that every man and woman was isolated, shamed, and alone—and that was that.

A Shared Isolation

I share that story because it conveys the folly of our typical approach to lust. So many of God’s people—men and women—experience the isolation of falling prey to lust, an isolation marked by guilt and shame. Even if we admit our defeats, we’re quick to slink back into the crowd for anonymity’s sake, because "we all struggle with it."

Today, let’s gather in the village square and stop pretending. Let’s stop seeking tacit comfort in our shared experience or using those experiences as an excuse. Let’s stop seeking individual glory brought on by solo fights. Let’s stop telling ourselves we can fight alone or that we’re strong enough. Let’s shine a light in the dark and fight together.

Strategy 1: Play a Better Song

Most of us fight lust only by setting up roadblocks to lust. We put a filter on our internet or have a strict accountability system. Let me be clear: roadblocks can be an important factor to saying "no" to lust.

The most powerful defense against lust, however, isn’t web filters. It’s love. Lust is the cheap knock off to love’s genuine artifact. Ultimately, then, we need to counter the cheap substitute with the substance. Our hearts need to hear a better song so that the song of lust loses its pull.

Ancient mythology provides two poignant illustrations for countering lust. In the first, Odysseus, the famed warrior, is traveling home from the Trojan War. They find themselves in a treacherous sea filled with dangerous Sirens (bird-women known for seducing sailors with their singing). The allure of the Siren song would hypnotize the strongest of sailors, leading them to their death. To counter the pull of the Sirens, Odysseus tied himself to the mast with strong ropes to bind himself to the ship. This strategy worked and allowed him to get some pleasure from the song while avoiding its deadly result.

In the second story, Jason, the leader of the Argonauts, faced the same treacherous waters. Like Odysseus, he knew he would succumb to the Sirens, so he brought along Orpheus, a skilled player of the lyre to counter the enchantment of the Sirens. When they approached the dangerous bird-women, Orpheus played and sang a song so beautiful that the Siren song could not compete. In other words, Jason countered the cheap counterfeit with something more true, beautiful, and satisfying.

Lust promises unending pleasure and gives you the shell. But real pleasure waits for you in God and his good gifts. C.S. Lewis puts it like this:

It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.[^1]

Dwell on the face of Jesus Christ and take in his incomparable beauty (2 Cor 4:4–6). Savor his glories and they will transform you bit-by-bit (2 Cor 3:18). You will find that even the great sufferings of fighting sin are not worthy to be compared to the glory, the weightiness, to be revealed to us in Christ (Rom 8:18).

Here are a few practical ways to savor the glories of Jesus:

Read the gospel accounts, Psalm 22, Isaiah 40, Isaiah 53, Ephesians 1, Hebrews 1, Revelation 4–5, and other similar passages carefully and repeatedly. Ask the Spirit of God to cause you to rise in belief and love, to illuminate your heart to Jesus’s incomparable, all-satisfying beauty.
Surround yourself with Christians in your local church who will point you to Jesus. You are meant to live in a community and each believer in your church is a gift from God to you.
Engage in purposefully-long seasons of prayer filled entirely with meditation on Jesus’s beauties to drive you to deep love for him.[^2]
Read books that declare Christ’s glories like <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Incomparable-Christ-John-Stott/dp/083083222X" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Incomparable Christ by John Stott</a>.

Strategy 2: Fight Together

One of my favorite scenes in The Chronicles of Narnia takes place deep underground in an evil realm ruled by the Lady of the Green Kirtle, the evil sorceress queen. A group of travelers—a boy, a girl, and their guide, Puddleglum—are trapped in her kingdom and she attempts to enchant them to forget the "Overworld" and become her servants.

She casts some green powder into a fireplace and the room quickly fills with a magical haze. Enchanting them with a song and her words, she slowly persuades the travelers that the Overworld is a fiction of their imagination. Yet in the final moments before her enchantment entraps them forever, Puddleglum thrusts his bare foot into the fire, breaking the spell and awakening his enchanted fellow travelers.

You can play that fiddle till your fingers drop off, and still you won’t make me forget Narnia … I’ve seen the sky full of stars. I’ve seen the sun coming up out of the sea of a morning and sinking behind the mountains at night. And I’ve seen him up in the midday sky when I couldn’t look at him for brightness.

Inevitably, you will fall under the spell of sin. You will succumb to the lures of temptation. In those moments, someone in your community needs to stamp out the fire. Someone in your community needs to point to the glories of Jesus. Someone needs to step up and speak the truth with boldness and in love.

God gifts each member of the body to the other so that they work together towards full maturity (Eph 4:16). Sometimes, God will use you to remind your fellow travelers of the glories of Jesus (so be ready!); and often, God will use your fellow travelers to point you to Jesus.

If you’ve tried to fight sin alone, it’s time to turn to your church for help. Here are a few practical tips to get you started:

Call, text, or email your pastor right now and ask to meet. Share your areas of struggles with him (lust, selfishness, deception, etc.) and ask for prayer and counsel. Pastors love sheep and love caring for them.
Take a step towards openness and accountability with men in your church. If you have a men’s Bible study, take a moment and express your desire to fight sin together, to join together in your pursuit of Christ with other men in your church.
Start a formal accountability relationship with someone in your church.
Start a Bible study with another man in your church. I’m all for formal studies organized by your church, but I’ve often found that people respond much better to one-on-one studies through a book of the Bible. Pick a book, break it up into 5–8 parts, and meet once a week. That’s it. You can do that! Observe the glories of Christ and meditate on them together. Write down your collective questions and bring them to one of your church elders or a mature believer in your church.

A Few Concluding Thoughts

A few birthdays back, I sat down with my wife and told her, "This year is the year I want to strangle lust. I’ve fought lust for years but I’ve also always tried to indulge in it just a bit. I’ve let my mind wander and then only stopped some obvious action of lust. But I’m ready to kill it in its infancy. I’m done putting a governor on lust; I want to destroy it and keep destroying it."

These posts are intended to be a call to war, a call to killing lust, a rally cry to rise as men together. Are you ready for that battle? As long as you give it some ground, as long as you let it come up for air, sin will always cling to life and give you death. I know of no greater practical help than that Spirit-fueled determination to "be killing sin."

Even at the outset, though, remember that you’re not fighting primarily to remove something from your life (i.e. lust). You’re running after a Person, and his name is Jesus. You’re fighting to see the One who fills you with joy unspeakable and full of glory (1 Pet 1:18). You’re striving for "holiness without which no one will see the Lord" (Heb 12:14).

And that One, Jesus, commands, empowers, governs, and wins your fight. He is the Victor, the Author, the Founder, the Finisher of your faith. His conquering guarantees yours. The only ones who finish the battle with their eyes still on Jesus are those who start the battle that way.

When you fight any sin, you’re not primarily running from something; you’re running to Someone! Let’s run to Jesus together!

This is part one in a series of posts on fighting the sin of lust. There are inevitably more areas of focus than I can cover in a few short posts and more wisdom and insight than I know or can share. Let’s gather in the village square and begin the discussion now.

[^1]: The Weight of Glory, CS Lewis [^2]: I would recommend starting with 30 minutes—yes thirty! Set your alarm on your phone, turn off all notifications but your alarm, shut off all screens in your room, and meditate before God on the beauties of Jesus. I know of no way to so firmly implant a love of Jesus in a soul as purposeful, worshipful prayer. Some things are worth the work.

Four Ways to Love Your Children

John Dalrymple — Tue, 27 Apr 2021 00:00:00 GMT

Every night as my boys lie in their beds after we read and pray together, we give each one a hug and a kiss (and sometimes a few tickles) before turning out the lights. Recently, our two-year-old started repeating the same line each night when we stop by his bed— “Daddy, I love you to Betelgeuse and back.” I’m sure he has no concept of how far away that star is, but in his little mind, that’s how he knows to express the extent of his love for his daddy.

Many dads work extra hours to pay for special toys and experiences for their kids, they want to get their children the best education or vacation they can afford, and they would be willing at any moment to lay down their lives if their kids were in danger. However, many dads still struggle to know how best to express the extent of their love for their children.

While there are many ways to express love to others, here are four ways that no dad should neglect.

1. Attention

The competition for your attention is intense—work emails, professional sports, breaking news, yard work, and house projects. If your children sense that they are competing for your attention, they may give up and go back to their toys, books, friends, video games, or social media.

It has been said that quality time with your kids is more important than the quantity of time you spend; this resonates with many men who have a very busy life. The only problem with that adage is that quality time often only comes as you spend quantity time. In other words, it’s difficult to schedule in quality time with your kids.

No one expects to build muscle by having one good workout every month, so don’t expect to have a strong relationship with your child if you take them on a special trip once in a while but never give them regular attention throughout the week.

Jonathan Edwards, one of America’s most important theologians, is said to have spent thirteen hours each day in prayer and study. And yet, every day he made a point to spend some amount of focused time with his wife and with one of his eleven children.

Loving your children by giving them your attention requires both your ears and your eyes. Stop to ask your child about their LEGO creation and pause to listen as they share a story about their day. Give them expectations for when you will be able to spend time with them and then follow through. When you receive an urgent text for work while at home with your family, explain why and how long you think you will be on your phone just as you would if you were spending time with another adult.

If you make a habit of showing love to your children by giving them your attention when they are young, they will likely be more willing to share with you as they grow older. Teens aren’t always ready to “open up” when it’s convenient for you. They need to know that you are really listening to them before they share their hearts.

2. Affection

When was the last time you hugged your kids? As men, we sometimes lack the gentleness and tenderness that a mother usually provides. Fathers can often be viewed as the tough disciplinarians in the home. I want my five boys to be strong and tough, but that doesn’t mean I should treat them like a broncobuster. A godly man uses touch as a way to show love.

If you balk at showing physical affection,[^1] consider Jesus’ example. During His ministry on earth, He could have easily just healed people with His words, but he often chose to touch them. When approached by a leper (a condition which led to isolation and rejection) in Mark 1, Jesus was “moved with pity” and “stretched out his hand and touched him.” In Mark 7, a man was brought to Jesus who was deaf and had a speech impediment. After taking him aside from the crowd, he “put his fingers into [the man’s] ears, and after spitting touched his tongue.”

The response of the father whose son returns home after living a prodigal lifestyle might be uncomfortable for some dads. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

Children need fatherly physical affection.[^2] Especially when your children are young, make a point to hug and hold your kids every day. Wrestle with your boys on the living room floor and comb your daughter’s hair (as a father of five boys, I have no idea what little girls like). Many guys like their personal space. Resist the urge to maintain that bubble by pushing your kids away.

As your children grow older, they will go through stages of development that may cause them to feel more self-conscious and insecure about their bodies. If you have daughters, you may feel awkward when you realize that your little girl is starting to look more like a woman. While it’s important to respect her and show sensitivity, don’t pull back from offering hugs and appropriate physical affection; otherwise, you may unintentionally plant seeds of insecurity in her heart.

While physical affection is essential as a dad, it is only one way to show love. Your kids also need verbal affirmation.

3. Affirmation

A few weeks ago, our 14-month-old took his first few steps by himself and his little fan base went wild. When our kids are young, we celebrate the little accomplishments like using the potty or riding a bike without help. As they grow older, however, our expectations also grow and affirmation can become more infrequent. It’s not wrong to raise our expectations, but it’s a problem if it means verbal affirmation disappears.

First of all, affirmation should not be rooted only in performance, but also in position. Our children need regular reminders that we love them because of who they are and not just what they have done.

The apostle John says that one of the ways God the Father shows love to us is by calling us His children (1 John 3:1). When you stop to remind your son or daughter that they are yours, there is a special security and comfort in those words. Stop to tell them you love them when you are sitting at the dinner table or before you leave for work. Affirm your love for them before and after discipline or when they accidentally break something—your words of love are so important when they feel shame, sadness, or pain.

Secondly, affirm your kids for their character more than their accomplishments or physical attributes.[^3] In other words, commend your son for his diligence in his homework instead of just telling him that he is great at math. Encourage your daughter when she shows contentment instead of merely commenting on her cute outfit. If you focus on physical attributes or performance, your children may feel like they can’t always measure up or may develop jealousy toward their siblings, but when you affirm their character, you direct the attention back to God’s work in your child’s life.

Finally, try to occasionally affirm your kids in public. At Jesus’ public baptism by John the Baptist and on the mountain after His transfiguration, God the father spoke these words, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Without overly bragging on your kids or embarrassing them, it is appropriate and important to show others that you are proud of your kids.

4. Admonition

Your children are more likely to measure your love by the gifts and fun things you do for them and yet, one of the most important ways you can love your child is by giving proper correction and instruction.

The Lord demonstrates His love for his children through discipline and chastisement (Heb. 12:6; Rev. 3:19) so we should carefully do the same.[^4] If we fail to carry out Biblical correction when our children have broken God’s law, we diminish the gravity of their sin and are actually showing that we do not love our children (Pro. 13:24).

Discipline is more than corrective. The word for discipline has the idea of training or teaching someone. Paul encouraged fathers to bring up their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4) There are periods of parenting when it seems like correction is all you do.If we’re honest, this is usually because we are responding to our child’s bad behavior instead of proactively training them and showing them what is right.

Your child may not express their appreciation for your admonition, but if done with wisdom and care, it is an important way to show them love.

Conclusion

As earthly fathers, the way we treat our children will inevitably influence the way they view their heavenly Father. That reality is terrifying and humbling. However, at the end of the day, we must remember that God loves our children more than we do and He does it so much better than us.

If we want to be fathers that love our children well, we must commit ourselves to spending time with our heavenly father. We cannot manufacture love, but we reflect it to our kids as we walk in step with God’s Spirit. (Gal. 5:16-26, Rom. 5:5, John 15:9)

[^1]: Some men don’t show affection because their father didn’t, or because their father was abusive. Don’t allow the sin or shortcoming of your parents impact the generations to come. Ask for God’s help to heal you from the hurts of your past and give you grace to show the love that you never had. [^2]: If you are a stepdad, foster parent, or adoptive dad, you may have to be more cautious about regular demonstrations of physical affection. Additionally, if your child has suffered abuse or neglect, you will need to show extra care and sensitivity. [^3]: It’s not wrong to praise your child when they do well but instead of building up their confidence to the point of pride, acknowledge God as the giver of strength, skill, intelligence, or whatever is behind the accomplishment. [^4]: The idea of Biblical discipline and chastisement has been distorted for many people because their parents used it as an excuse for showing frustration and even abusive behavior. Biblical, loving correction is always self-controlled and restorative, never reactive or angry. Children should fear the rod but never doubt their parent’s love during correction.

Clear Instructions for Fathers

Todd Curtis — Tue, 20 Apr 2021 00:00:00 GMT

Years ago I was attempting to wire a three-way switch in my house. I was very uncertain how to correctly accomplish the task, so I sought out the expert counsel of an electrician who attended our church. He precisely explained what I needed to do and even provided a schematic for me to follow. I followed his instructions, and it worked! When we listen to someone more knowledgeable than us, and we adhere to their instructions, we can accomplish tasks we may have considered impossible.

As fathers, we are sometimes uncertain how we are to parent our children. With an abundance of parenting advice readily available to us, we must first seek God’s counsel and endeavor to follow His instructions. In Ephesians 6:4, God provides clear and powerful parenting guidance to which we need to listen and obey.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

This verse can be simply divided into two primary thoughts: What fathers should not do, and what fathers should do.

What fathers should not do

Paul begins this verse by instructing fathers not to provoke their children. The word provoke means to exasperate or incite to anger. To some of Paul’s readers this would have been a revolutionary concept. He was writing to people who lived in Roman culture where fathers had absolute control over their children. A father could make any decision regarding his child’s life or death without being accountable to anyone. So in the midst of culture that promoted and accommodated the totalitarian authority of fathers, Paul introduces a radical parenting philosophy—Don’t provoke your children to anger! Paul provides this same admonition in the book of Colossians.

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged (Colossians 3:21).

The word “discouraged” here means to lose heart, to be without courage or spirit. The warning is against breaking a child’s spirit

The following are sinful provocations that must be avoided:

Abuse: This is a father who physically and/or sexually abuses his child. This behavior is reprehensible and should never be tolerated. Additional abuses (i.e. emotional and verbal) are sinful and should never be acceptable norms.
Anger: This is a father who consistently speaks harsh words and demonstrates abrasive, sarcastic, and irritable attitudes. It can also be one who has an explosive temper.
Inconsistent punishment: This is a father who tolerates his children’s disobedience and disrespect for a period of days followed by an occasional strict adherence to stated rules and accompanying punishments.
Unreasonable expectations: This is a father who expects unattainable performance (athletics, academics, fine arts, etc.) from his children, and he communicates great disdain when his expectations are unfulfilled.
Absence: This is a father who is intentionally absent from his child’s life. Absence can also be demonstrated through a lack of listening and conveying that his child is an unwelcome intrusion in his life.
Favoritism: This is a father who gives gifts, opportunities, and privileges to one child that he does not regularly give to others.
Smothering: This is a father who is unnecessarily controlling and demanding.
Unfulfilled promises: This is a father who makes commitments which he consistently does not keep. These can be promises made to a child—to take trips, have a meal at a favorite restaurant, have a friend over to the house, or go to a favorite place of amusement—that rarely, if ever, come to fruition.
Pride: This is a father who is unwilling to admit failures and seek forgiveness from his children.
Hypocrisy: This is a father who manifests great inconsistency between attitudes and actions at home and public forums such as church. This is a father who may be well-liked and respected by others, but one who consistently exhibits sinful attitudes and actions with his immediate family.

Fathers must avoid the above characteristics, as well as others like them, which can result in provoking a child.[^1]

What fathers should do

According to Ephesians 6:4, fathers are to be tenderhearted. The phrase bring them up has the following meanings:

To nourish, nurture, or encourage
To cultivate, feed or show tenderness toward
To provide for with tender care
To love

This phrase speaks to the spirit of parenting. A father is to be a tenderhearted provider for his children. Some men would equate crying or tenderness with weakness, but that is far from the truth! R. Kent Hughes states, “Men are never manlier than when they are tender with their own children — whether holding a baby in their arms, loving their grade-schooler, or hugging their teenager or adult children.”[^2]

With a tender, caring heart a father is to instruct his children. The literal meaning of the word instruction is “to put in mind.” It can refer to confrontation or training through verbal instruction. A father is to teach his children intentionally from God’s Word. This would include times of both formal and informal instruction.

A father needs to teach his children the glorious truths of the gospel, the doctrines found in the Bible, the importance of obeying God, the need to love God and others, and how to live in victory over sin (among other things).

This is the type of instruction fathers were admonished to give in the book of Deuteronomy:

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise (Deuteronomy 6:5-7).

This instruction should also include practical skills for life. These skills would include a good work ethic, how to manage money, or how to properly maintain an automobile. Children do not learn these truths and skills by default. Fathers must take the lead in teaching their children.

Secondly, Paul states that fathers are to be loving disciplinarians. The word discipline refers to the overall training of children and includes correction (punishment) for sinful attitudes and behavior.[^3]

How should discipline be administered?

Lovingly: Biblical discipline should never be in anger and should never come close to being abusive! Assure your child of your love.
Consistently: Clearly establish rules and guidelines and determine whether or not your child has clearly violated them. Also, discern between childishness and sinful foolishness.
Appropriately: Use the Word of God to establish the basis of your child’s wrongdoing. Lead your child toward genuine repentance – this may take some time. Guide your child in making the offense right with others.

We must remember that the goal in discipline is not just external conformity or right behavior. The goal is an inward change of heart.

Paul gives us, as fathers, some very clear and understandable instructions, but we must look to God for His help in carrying out these admonitions. If you have intentionally or unintentionally provoked your children to anger, confess that God. Also, confess it to your children. As a dad, the words “I was wrong” and “Will you forgive me?” are some of the most difficult, yet impactful words that you will ever speak to your children.

Ask God to give you wisdom and grace in tenderly instructing and disciplining your children. You will never be a perfect father, but strive to be a father who pleases God by living out Ephesians 6:4!

[^1]: However, children who endure such provocations do not have an excuse for anger, bitterness, resentment, or hatred toward a parent who does wrong. Children must apply the truth of the gospel, and, by God’s grace, choose to forgive as they grow in their understanding of the gospel. [^2]: R. Kent Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Man, 51. [^3]: Correction can take a number of forms. Note the following verses: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24). Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death (Proverbs 19:18). Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die (Proverbs 23:13).

Six Considerations When God Answers No

Chris Pennington — Tue, 06 Apr 2021 00:00:00 GMT

Sometimes it feels like half of being a dad is getting good at saying "No!" without being either angry or indecisive. No matter how good we get, however, our children often struggle to accept the answer.[^1]

It's hard to hear "No" (particularly if it's something you really want!). In this post, I want to focus primarily on our hearts as dads. We have authorities just like our kids. Make a quick mental list of the authorities in your life. Your list will likely look something like this:

my boss
my pastor(s)
my local governing authorities
my country's governing authorities
God

It's easy to pretend you live without authorities, especially if you're American. We like to think about ourselves as completely independent entities, submissive to no one and nothing. While that thinking may be American, Western, or even Constitutional, it's not biblical. It's been said that "the test of submission is when you disagree." And each of your authorities are likely to tell you "No" or "Not yet" on a regular basis.

Like our children, we raise all kinds of excuses when our authorities shoot down our great ideas! When those authorities are human, we can often easily justify our frustration. After all, your boss is only human, your pastor is imperfect, and your political leaders are often spiritually blind unbelievers.[^2]

What do you do, though, when God says, "No"? You know you can't call God's character into question. You can't say God is operating without all the facts. But those realities don't make it any easier to respond correctly.

The best voices on a topic are often those most tested by time. So I'd like to introduce you to a pastor from 400 years ago, Thomas Goodwin. He was, among other things, a Puritan pastor for the last twenty years of his life at Fetter Lane Independent Church in London.[^3]

<a href="https://ia800204.us.archive.org/23/items/worksofthomasgoo03good/worksofthomasgoo03good_bw.pdf" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">In Chapter 9 (pages 393–397) of The Return of Prayers</a>, Goodwin provides six pastoral considerations for when God denies our requests. He describes the chapter this way: “Considerations to quiet the heart, and to help it to discern an answer to, and acceptation of, the prayer when [it] is not accomplished.” I know that sounds verbose and complicated, but there’s gold here and I want to distill it to help you see it.

1. Trust God’s judgment.

Goodwin opens by directing our attention to what he calls the frame of our prayers. If you pray “absolutely and peremptorily, as simply best for [you],” he writes, you should not be surprised if your prayer is denied. But if you frame your prayer with a condition, “with an if, as Christ did,” then Goodwin urges you to “trust God’s judgment in the thing, and not [your] own.”

Praying (and meaning!) “if it be possible” and “your will be done” entrusts the answer to God when the prayer is made. Should we retract this trust when the answer returned is “No”? If God answers “no” does it not mean that his will is being done in his very denial?

The observation not only touches our prayers, but Christ’s as well. The Father simultaneously answered Christ’s prayer “no” and “yes,” for in denying his request (“let this cup pass from me”), he answered his request (“your will be done”). Pray with trust (“your will be done”) and then trust God’s judgment, not your own.

2. Recognize God’s grace and mercy.

The denial of our prayers may, in fact, be the foundation for some greater and further mercy from God. He expounds with the following points:

God’s denials often protect us: Like children, we can long for things that will actually hurt us. As Goodwin explains, “The denial of a godly man’s prayer is for his greater good, and is laid as a foundation of greater mercy.”
God’s denials often teach us: Denial often breaks us. In these moments of brokenness, we examine our own hearts, our prayers, and our relationship to God. This introspection itself is a great mercy and we find that “by the loss of one thing [we draw closer to God and] learn how to pray better, and so obtain a hundred better things afterward.” Goodwin offers this anecdote: “The woman that had the bloody issue, though she used many means … yet none took effect; that in the end she might come to Christ, and have both body and soul healed at once.” May God’s “no” draw us to Christ like that dear woman!

3. Discern if God has granted some transformation of your request.

Goodwin notes that God may have actually answered the request by turning “the thing desired into some other greater blessing of the same kind.” He illustrates his point with several Old Testament stories, including the blessing of Jacob. Although Isaac wanted to bless Esau, the blessing rightly fell to Jacob (albeit humanly speaking by Jacob’s own hand). “So often doth God take off his hand of blessing from the thing we prayed for, and lays and discovers it in another more for our good,” Goodwin concludes. This transmutation (i.e., changing) of our prayers “may as truly and directly be called an answer to prayer.”

4. Perceive if God has granted the essence of your request.

In this consideration, Goodwin assumes three basic ends of our prayers: God’s glory, the church’s good, and our particular comfort and happiness. God may deny specific means to these ends while still granting our fundamental requests. In other words, we may ask for some object or event that we think will bring about our comfort and God’s glory (the basic essence of our request). God may deny our specific request and yet give us comfort and achieve his glory in another way. In this sense, God has not denied our request, but fulfilled it with perfect wisdom through another means.

We understand this intuitively as fathers. How often have you denied your child’s sincere desire because you had something better for them! You may deny their request to go have fun at their friend’s house because you’re going to surprise them with some father/daughter time. What are you doing? You're fulfilling their underlying request (i.e., have fun) while denying their planned attempt to fulfill that request (i.e., going to a friend’s house). And so it is with our Father.

Goodwin illustrates his point with Christ’s call to discipleship: “He that leaves father and mother shall have a hundred-fold.” While we cannot physically have a hundred fathers, “God fulfills [his promise] not therefore always in the same kind, but in some other things, which shall be more than a hundred fathers would be.”

5. Observe God’s tenderness.

God often denies our requests with fatherly tenderness. Goodwin provides two scriptural examples.

Moses: God denied Moses’s request to enter the Promised Land because he had disobeyed the Lord. Although Moses’s own choices led to this punishment, God did not answer his request with harshness. He allowed him to come to the very borders of Canaan, to see the land. God’s “no” was firm, but tender and caring.
Abraham: In Genesis 17, God reiterates his promise to Abraham. Sarah would bear Abraham the promised son. Abraham responds with a request: “Oh that Ishmael might live before you.” Although God denies Abraham’s request, he does so in tenderness. Verses 19–20 read, “God said, ‘No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son….As for Ishmael, I have heard you; behold, I have blessed him and will make him fruitful and multiply him greatly. He shall father twelve princes, and I will make him into a great nation.’” God often says “no” with the greatest tenderness.

6. Note how God’s denial changes you.

Here, Goodwin offers four positive benefits:

1. We realize our unworthiness in light of God’s holiness and righteousness

David pens these words in Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?…O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest” (1–2). The next verse begins, “Yet you are holy.” When God appears silent, David voices God’s character.

The psalmist continues, recounting how God listened to prayers of the fathers of Israel: “they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.” But this is not David’s experience. He writes, “But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised.” His words do not signal self-pity or self-deprecation. Rather, he is expressing trust and perspective.

In other words, the denial from God caused David to look at his own unworthiness. “I am a worm” he recounts. Like one godly man recently told me before he went into surgery, “God owes me nothing.” And he will do right by us.

2. We find God’s grace sufficient

Certainly, the Apostle Paul discovered the sufficiency of God’s grace when his request was denied (2 Cor 12:9). We find the same result in David’s prayers over his infant son (2 Sam 12). After seven days of fasting and seeking God’s face, his child died. But when he discovered the child had died, he washed, anointed himself, changed clothes, and worshipped God in the temple. He found comfort in God’s “no” so much so that he “comforted his wife, Bathsheba.” God grants grace with every “no.”

3. We rejoice and give thanks

Goodwin uses the example of David again on this point. He identifies the spirit of David’s worship by his preparation. “Anointing himself and changing his raiment” was a “token of rejoicing and thanksgiving.” In the face of great disappointment, David’s faith led him to rejoice and give thanks. He rejoices out of faith (i.e., “I shall go to him”), not sight. When God denies our request and we can counterintuitively respond in faith with joy and gratitude, God is truly changing us.

4. We are not discouraged from praying, but set on praying no matter the answer

When you deny your child one request, he doesn't stop asking you for other requests. And so it should be with God. When God denies our requests and faith still stirs us to pray, we are approaching God in trust. God's "no" only stops our prayers altogether if we doubt his character. When you trust God, however, a "no" may be perplexing, but it also draws you to further conversation with God. “So say thou,” Goodwin concludes, “I will pray still, though I never have an answer in this life. It moves ingenuous natures to see men take repulses and denials well, which proud persons will not do: and so it moves God.”

Conclusion

Our children often need help correctly hearing “No” and so it is with us dads. If you are a born-again Christian, God’s “No” is always meant for your good. Your part is to hear his “no” as the answer of a loving Father.

As dads, we gain an additional lesson. We learn what should inform our hearts when we deny our children’s requests. We should model our answers after God’s. Like the Father, we should deny our children’s requests for their good, not because it only interrupts us or will cost us time or energy. And even when we must say “no” God shows us we can reach for a deeper “yes” and work for the good of our children.

[^1]: Kristopher Schaal <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority-part-3/#4-mercy" target="_blank">recently wrote about "the appeal process" for kids</a>. It's a helpful way for your children to respectfully appeal your directives! [^2]: It's worthwhile mentioning that Paul wrote both Romans 1:18–32 and Romans 13:1–6. In other words, Paul recognized by the deliberate blindness of the unbeliever (which is quite easily applied to our political leaders and Paul's—ever heard of Nero?) and still commands subjection to those same unbelievers when they are our "governing authorities." [^3]: Thomas Goodwin (1600–1680) profoundly impacted his world through his pastoral work and scholarly study. During his early academic studies, the young lecturer came under the influence of Puritan thinkers and preachers while at Cambridge. This Puritan influence eventually drove Goodwin to sever his academic ties with the university and to resign his post of lecturer at Trinity Church (1634). When he departed from Cambridge, he relocated to London, married, and aligned himself with the Congregationalists—a move that eventually prompted his flight to Holland, a safe haven for dissenters. Over time, Goodwin’s influence expanded and he was selected to serve as a member of the Westminster Assembly (1643), appointed by Parliament to the presidency of Magdalene College (1650), and commissioned as chaplain to the Lord Protector, Oliver Cromwell (1656). For the last twenty years of his life, he devoted himself to the pastoral ministry at Fetter Lane Independent Church in London. Collections of his writings and sermons were published in twelve volumes after his death.

Slow Down: Leading the Way to Rest

John Pate — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 00:00:00 GMT

Have you noticed it’s hard to slow down? Life seems to have an unrelenting inertia to it, always accelerating incrementally so that you’re increasingly aware of your frenzied pace, but you can’t quite remember how you got there, and you certainly don’t know how to apply the brakes.

Recently, I came face to face with this reality. Life had been coming fast, and my family and I were feeling thin. So we scheduled a block of time simply to unplug, unwind, and regroup—a Sabbath of sorts.

I quickly discovered, however, that real rest doesn’t show up simply because it’s on the schedule. With unfinished work projects looming, my brain in perpetual motion, and a calendar that doesn’t like taking orders, I struggled to slow down. And because I struggled to slow down, my family couldn’t slow down either. I found myself postponing the start of our “Sabbath” so I could complete just a few more tasks, and, once it had begun, I was quick to make exceptions to our pre-planned rest.

What I was discovering was that real rest is much more than just a natural physical response to weariness or a peaceful state of mind. It’s more than just a period of relaxation. It’s possible to be relaxing on a quiet, sunny beach with a glass of lemonade and nothing on the agenda—and not actually rest. That is because true rest starts in the heart, and it has everything to do with your relationship with God. If you want to lead your family to truly rest, you need to learn to rest yourself.

So what is rest? Here are three truths about biblical rest and some practical suggestions for implementing these truths into your family life.

1. Rest belongs to God.

In the fourth commandment found in Exodus 20, God commands Israel to honor the Sabbath day for one primary reason: “For in six days, the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day” (Ex. 20:11).[^1]

Why do we rest? We rest because—and only because—God Himself rests. He has completed His work of creation, and is now resting in an ongoing and eternal “seventh day.” So any true rest you and I ever experience is actually God’s rest (Ps. 95:11). He loves the idea of rest so much He created people to rest with Him. In fact, there is no rest without Him.

The concept of true rest shows up at key moments in the storyline of Scripture:

God initiated our rest at Creation. He looked on all that He had made, declared it “very good” (Gen. 1:31) and began to rest. His creative work was done, and His image-bearers are able to enjoy the finished product in His presence.
Jesus secured our rest at the cross. Though we sinned against God, fled his presence, and rejected His rest (Is. 57:20), our Savior declared that “it is finished!” (John 19:30). His saving work is done, and we can now experience true soul-rest in His presence (Matt. 11:28).
God will restore our rest in the future. The ultimate iteration of God’s true rest is still to come (Heb. 4:9). Then His redeeming work will be done, and we will experience full-orbed rest for all eternity (Rev. 21:5).

But what does it mean to rest with God? Simply stated, it is “to experience his presence by faith.”[^2] It is only when we enter into a relationship with God through the finished work of Christ that we begin to experience true rest. And as we walk with God by faith, we continue to enjoy that rest.

As fallen humans, we tend to resist rest, arguing that we aren’t finished yet. “Surely, I don’t have time to rest this week.” “There must be more for me to do.” “Just look at this pile of unfinished tasks!” Yet, we forget our rest wasn’t based on us in the first place. We rest because our Creator, Sustainer, and Savior is resting.

2. Rest is worship.

Ever headed out to play ball with your kids and found yourself working on yard projects instead? Maybe you’ve aimed for some relaxation time with your wife but ended up scrolling through your Instagram feed or checking the stock market. Or you’ve been on a week-long vacation, but your peace of mind keeps getting snagged by unanswered emails.

What’s going on here? Your attempt at rest is exposing some idols in your heart. True rest is actually worship, and no idol likes to be dethroned. When you attempt to truly rest as a child of God, a worship battle ensues. If you’ve been worshipping your reputation, you’re not going to want to leave those emails unanswered. If you’ve been worshipping your possessions, those yard projects will eat at you while you play with your kids.

True rest can only be found as we seek God’s presence above all else. In this way, a day of rest can be an incredibly worshipful exercise as, with our actions, we tell God that He is worth more to us than any earthly treasures.

3. Rest requires faith.

On this side of eternity, rest is counterintuitive. The visible evidence around you screams, “Too much too do. No time to rest!” Like the children of Israel in the wilderness, we can start to feel like it’s the smart choice to gather manna on Sabbath. You can picture an Israelite reasoning, “Yes, God promised, but I’ve crunched the numbers, and an extra day of gathering really is going to help.”

So, it is vitally important that we listen closely to our Savior when He says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).

Attempts at rest can easily spark fear, pride, anxiety, and worry. “What if my family won’t be taken care of?” “What if my reputation will suffer?” “What if I won’t get everything done?” We must turn from these responses to cling to the God who offers true rest.

Your Creator said that it is “very good,” and He’s the one who keeps the world spinning. Your Savior said that “It is finished,” and He’s the one who keeps your soul secure. In the face of all the visible evidence, He tells you that “in returning and rest you shall be saved.” (Is. 30:15).

You’re just going to have to trust Him.

A Suggestion for Rest

With the above truths in mind, here is a suggestion for leading your family in rest. Keep in mind that we all rest differently. What may be restful for me may be agonizing for you. Maybe take some time with your family to think through what would work best for you. Here are some thoughts to get you started:

Set aside a block of time during the week to intentionally rest. It may be a 24-hour period. It may be a 4-hour block, like a Sunday afternoon. Try to clear out your family’s major activities during this time so you can slow down.
Begin with a minute of quiet and prayer. There’s nothing like a full minute of silence to shock your system out of its frantic pace. Take some time as a family to thank Jesus for His offer of rest and to ask Him for the faith to slow down.
Read a short passage of Scripture that can remind your family of who God is and what He has done.
Try to engage in “restful activities.” (Once again, everybody is different.) These could be sleep, outdoor recreation, spending time with people, conversation, reading, games, puzzles, etc.
Try to stay away from electronic devices. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with a device, but for many of us, they can open the door back into the frenzy of life. Consider shutting your phone off for a set number of hours or at least placing it in another room.
Use a portion of your rest to look to your Savior. Thank Him for His finished work. Repent of any idolatry that has cropped up. Claim His promises.
Use a portion of your rest to focus on your family. Serve them. Enjoy them. Listen to them. Make it your aim for them to look forward to when “Dad is resting.”
Don’t be surprised if you come face to face with major issues in your own heart. Often, rest reveals as much as it refreshes.
Afterward, take time as a family to assess how it went. What went well? How can you improve?
Consider creating a regular rhythm of rest in your family.

As you lead the way to rest, you will point your family to their Creator and Savior, the one who alone must be the object of their worship and the anchor for their faith.

[^1]: For the Old Testament believer, weekly Sabbath observance was a shadow of the coming Messiah who would bring true rest (Col. 2:16–17). Although Sabbath observance is no longer a requirement for a New Testament believer, true rest is both a privilege and a necessity. The fact that Jesus has secured our rest doesn’t give us a free pass to be a workaholic. If anything, New Testament believers should be even more intentional about taking time to rest. [^2]: Thanks to my brother, Brian Pate, for this definition of rest. I benefited greatly from his paper on a theology of rest in the Old Testament, “I Will Give You Rest,” as well as personal conversations on the topic.

Getting Started With Family Worship

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 16 Mar 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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It’s 6:30 p.m. at the Schaal house. We just finished eating our meal-grilled chicken, sweet potatoes, and stir fry veggies (or maybe bunless cheeseburgers, French fries cooked in the air fryer, and steamed broccoli). There is lots of excited chatter coming from our three little girls, and Klayton is getting restless in his highchair. (Hopefully his fork hasn’t hit the floor yet.) I walk over to the cabinet next to the fridge, pull out <a href="https://www.amazon.com/New-Bible-Pictures-Little-Eyes/dp/0802430570" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The New Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes</a>, by Kenneth Taylor, and open to where we left off last night. Everyone knows what it’s time for, because we do the same thing every night. Since we recently bought the home I grew up in, I know that this routine has been happening in the same exact spot in the kitchen for over 22 years. What routine am I referring to? Family worship.

Throughout church history, Christians have recognized three forms of worship: corporate, personal, and family.[^1] If you think of these forms as disciplines to begin, the first is relatively simple. Corporate worship happens when you gather with your church on Sunday. Just show up on time, and they’ll walk you through what to do!

The second form–private worship–is a little more challenging than corporate worship, and yet the fact that it’s personal makes it less daunting than family worship to most. After all, you don’t really lead in personal devotions, per say, you just do them. Perhaps you read a chapter out of the Bible, pray, and work on a memory verse for a minute.

But family worship is different. You actually have to lead your family in it, and that can be awkward! Many Christian dads are at a loss when it comes to family worship. They don’t know what to do, so they do nothing at all. However, God calls parents to teach their children (Deut 6:6-9, 20-25; Eph 6:4), and one of the best intentional places to do this is at family worship.

Basic Elements of Family Worship

Worshipping together with your family is very important and can be such a grace! Also, it doesn’t have to be complex. No rocket science or Bible degrees are required. The basic elements of family worship are easy to accomplish–simply read, sing, and pray together!

1. Reading

You can read from the Bible itself (we’ve done the gospel of John), or you can read from a Bible story book designed especially for children. The books with pictures are more engaging for younger children. Some of our favorite kids' Bible story books are <a href="https://www.amazon.com/New-Bible-Pictures-Little-Eyes/dp/0802430570" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The New Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Storybook-Bible-Every-Whispers/dp/0310708257/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3LBK11EXTOUCQ&dchild=1&keywords=the+jesus+storybook+bible&qid=1615781149&s=books&sprefix=The+JEsus+sto%2Cstripbooks%2C219&sr=1-1" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Jesus Storybook Bible</a>, and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Leading-Little-Ones-God-Teachings/dp/0802851207/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1MOV0BZGQOZFK&dchild=1&keywords=leading+little+ones+to+god&qid=1615781183&s=books&sprefix=leading+little%2Cstripbooks%2C204&sr=1-1" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Leading Little Ones to God</a>. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Ology-Ancient-Truths-Ever-New/dp/194257228X/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1MOV0BZGQOZFK&dchild=1&keywords=leading+little+ones+to+god&qid=1615781207&s=books&sprefix=leading+little%2Cstripbooks%2C204&sr=1-2" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Ology</a> is another good book for older elementary aged children.

You can also read a missionary biography. We recently read the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gladys-Aylward-Adventure-Lifetime-Christian/dp/1576580199/ref=sr_1_1?crid=15TY2QQ0CW103&dchild=1&keywords=gladys+aylward&qid=1615782446&s=books&sprefix=gladys+%2Cstripbooks%2C220&sr=1-1" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Gladys Alward biography in the Christian Heroes: Then and Now series</a>,[^2] and my older girls were riveted. When I was a kid, my dad read us <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Pilgrims-Progress-Bunyan-English-Illustrations-dp-1622452399/dp/1622452399/ref=mt_other?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=1615782315" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Pilgrim’s Progress in modern English</a>, and we loved that too. Whatever you choose to read will probably be great, so don’t overthink it. If you need further recommendations, ask your pastor or another Christian man who you know leads in family worship.

Once you have chosen a book, begin reading it aloud little by little each night. Keep the reading chunks short for each day in order to leave time for discussion. The depth of this discussion will vary greatly depending on the ages of your children, but it doesn’t have to be long. Ask some good questions, take the time to listen, and make applications to your kids’ personal lives. Then wrap it up and move on. The goal is to meet as a family multiple times per week, so you don’t need to cover everything all in one night.

In addition to reading, you may also choose to memorize Scripture. You would be amazed how quickly you and your family will memorize individual verses or even whole passages just by saying them aloud together each day. Scriptures memorized in this way will stick in your mind and become bedrocks you can fall back on.

2. Singing

For many families, this is the most awkward part of family worship. Many dads don’t have a good voice, and sometimes, there aren’t many Christian songs that everyone knows and likes. However, I would urge you to push through the challenges, because singing together can be a great grace (Eph 5:19; Col 3:16). Don’t get hung up on the quality of the sound you are producing. Focus on the words and on making a joyful noise to the Lord.

You probably want to start with just one or two songs that you sing every night. If you have young children, make sure at least one of those songs is a simple kids’ song like “Jesus Loves Me.” If you don’t know the words very well, print them out or use a hymnal or song book. If you are uncomfortable with the melody, play a recording of the song on your phone before singing, so that everyone gets the music in their heads. Then, turn off your phone, and try your best to sing the song together. Over time, your confidence will improve. As you learn more songs as a family, you can add them to your repertoire.

3. Prayer

Close out your time of family worship in prayer. There are a couple of ways to do this. First, especially if you are short on time, you might just choose someone to pray, whether that is you, your wife or one of the children. You could also take prayer requests before praying, but you don’t have to.

Another thing you can do is to have everyone pray. Since we have small children, when I have everyone pray, I like to go around the table beforehand and ask everyone what they are planning to pray for. That gives me a chance to talk to each person about his or her prayer request and hopefully help them learn to pray more biblically (rather than always praying for their best friend’s goldfish, etc.). Sometimes when I have everyone pray, we do something they are thankful for instead of a request. It is so important that our kids learn to be thankful.

One way you can train your children to think in terms of the Great Commission is to pray for missionaries during family worship. We like to do this using missionary cards or <a href="https://joshuaproject.net/pray/unreachedoftheday/app" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">the Joshua Project “UNREACHED of the Day” app</a>.

When missionaries visit our church, my oldest two girls always stop by their display tables to look at the items from other countries and check for candy. While they are there, they pick up a prayer card. Sometimes during family worship, when it is time to pray, we pull out one of those prayer cards and pray for that family. Our kids especially enjoy praying for the missionary kids.

The Joshua Project “UNREACHED of the Day” app is a great way to keep frontline missions among unreached peoples in front of your kids. The Great Commission calls us to go not just to the lost but to the unreached, and I want to inspire my kids with that vision. The app includes stats, pictures, and descriptions of a new people group every day. There is also a button you can press to say that you prayed that day, and you can see how many others prayed too. My children love hearing how many others also prayed for that same people group on the same day.

Those are the basics of what to do in family worship. It doesn’t have to be hard!

Practical Tips for Family Worship

I’d like to close with a couple of practical tips for making this a regular habit in your lives.

1. Choose a regular time and place.

Some families like to meet in the morning at breakfast. We meet at the table right after dinner. Other families worship together right before bedtime. It doesn’t really matter when you meet, as long as the time frame works and allows you to be consistent. (You want to make this new habit sustainable.) Meeting 3–4 times per week is a good goal. This allows for days on which you have other things planned. (For instance, since we meet in the evenings, Sundays and Wednesdays do not work well for us. There is also usually at least one other evening per week on which we are busy.)

2. Optimally, husbands should lead in family worship.

God calls husbands to lead in their homes, including in the spiritual realm (Eph 5:22–6:4). Many husbands would rather their wives lead in family worship. Perhaps they think, “My wife knows more about Scripture than I do.” That may be true, but remember, God doesn’t call you to be smarter than her, He just calls you to take the initiative. Even if your wife has been saved longer than you have, she will appreciate your leadership in this area. Also, don’t be afraid to ask her to lead in singing, prayer, or even reading on a particular day. Just don’t make her be the one to get everyone together and make family worship happen. (Obviously, in one-parent homes or homes where only one parent is saved or walking with God, this may not be possible.)

3. Start small and stick with it.

Better to meet for 15 minutes, 3–4 days per week than to try to meet for an hour per night. Don’t feel the need to prepare extensively and don’t hold your family hostage for longer than is reasonable. You don’t have to be John MacArthur. The important thing is that you as a dad are visibly leading your family in following God. That fact alone will speak volumes to both your wife and your children. You probably do not realize, for instance, the impact your simply reading the Bible and praying publicly can have on a young son.

Let’s not miss the grace of family worship.

_If you’d like to read more on this topic, check out <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Neglected-Grace-Family-Worship-Christian/dp/1781912033" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="blank">A Neglected Grace: Family Worship in the Christian Home</a>, by Jason Helopoulos.

[^1]: Jason Helopoulos, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Neglected-Grace-Family-Worship-Christian/dp/1781912033" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">A Neglected Grace: Family Worship in the Christian Home</a>, pp. 21–22. [^2]: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Christian-Heroes-Books-1-5-Gift/dp/1576582086/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2FHNLJLLX304A&dchild=1&keywords=christian+heroes+then+and+now+set&qid=1615781306&s=books&sprefix=christian+heroes+then+and+now%2Cstripbooks%2C210&sr=1-3" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">View volumes 1-5 of the series on Amazon</a>. (There are 45 books total, and you can purchase them in five-book sets.) Fair warning: there are some pretty graphic scenes in the Gladys Alward book that I skipped over for the sake of our young children.

The Sinfulness of Sin

Chris Pennington — Tue, 09 Mar 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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Some days parenting feels like an exercise in discipline. When it’s barely 8am and you’ve already dealt with blatant disrespect, a biting toddler, and a kick to the shin, it’s easy to lose perspective. How many times do you have to discipline your children before they learn?

It’s especially in these times of constant discipline that dads need to realign their perspective on sin. In those moments, why are you troubled at your kids’ sin? Here are some of my honest answers:

I don’t like being interrupted.
I don’t like my authority questioned.
I don’t like my wife to feel stressed because of the kids.
I don’t want my kids to face the consequences of the rebel’s life.
I’m busy working on something and am frustrated that my kids have broken my concentration.
I’m concerned that my kids will act up in public and don’t want people to think I’m a bad parent.

<Callout quote="Biblically, the gravity of sin isn’t primarily in the seriousness of the offense but in the Person sinned against." author="chris-pennington" url="the-sinfulness-of-sin" /> Most of those answers aren’t inherently wrong, but they’re not quite the central concern that should be ever-present when we’re facing sin. What is it that makes sin so sinful anyhow? Why is sin so serious?

Biblically, the gravity of sin isn’t primarily in the seriousness of the offense but in the Person sinned against. Who is sin against? The Bible’s answer is equally clear: sin is always chiefly against God.

The Person Sinned Against

Puritan Ralph Venning (1621–1674) puts it like this in his famous work on sin: “The sinfulness of sin … consists in this, that it is contrary to God.”[^1]

A small lie or a word of disrespect is, in truth, not a serious offense if you’ve only broken a rule in the books. But sin is never impersonal like that. Even in the garden, the sin wasn’t about breaking fruit-eating laws, but defying God.

Our default is to view God’s laws like a high schooler views school rules—arbitrary regulations that sometimes are worth breaking if the benefit outweighs the consequence. But God’s laws are not arbitrary or capricious. God’s rules and statutes extend from his character. God is love, and so his rules against hatred, murder, and the like flow from his nature. To hate is not only to break a law code, it is also an act of rebellion against the Law Giver.

In other words, the rankest stench of every sin is this: God is offended. As D.A. Carson writes,

What makes sin so heinous, what makes sin so wretched, is precisely that it defies God. Certainly it is awful when we hurt our friends. It is awful when we wound one another, so when we wake up in the middle of the night with those feelings of huge shame, it is not surprising that we are embarrassed because of what our friends will think of us now on account of what we have said or done that was so insensitive or cruel. But beyond all of this horizontal shame lies a much bigger guilt that we are rarely aware of and rarely squirm over: guilt before the living God….In any sin that we commit, whether it’s genocide or cheating on our income taxes, the most offended party is always God.[^2]

This is the way the Bible speaks, particularly when the sin appears to be only horizontal (human-to-human). For example, Genesis 20:6 records how God keeps Abimelech from sinning against Him by keeping Abimelech away from Sarah. Genesis 39:9 describes how Joseph resists sexual temptation because he does not want to sin against God. In Acts 5:4 Peter stunningly replies to Ananias, “You have not lied to man but to God” (even though Ananias had just lied to Peter and all assembled).

When David mourns his sin in Psalm 51, he writes, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” At first glance, nothing could be further from the truth. Carson exclaims,

That is a stunning comment. At one level you want to say that it is not true. David sinned against Bathsheba: he seduced her. He sinned against Bathsheba’s husband: he had him bumped off after sleeping with his wife. He sinned against his own family: he betrayed them. He sinned against the military high command: he corrupted them. He sinned against the people: he was not acting as a righteous king. It is hard to think of anybody that he did not sin against. Yet he has the cheek to say, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight” (51:4). At the deepest level, David’s words speak the exact truth.[^3]

Biblically, God is the precise target of every sin to such an extent that David can say, “Against you only have I sinned” (Psalm 51:4).

Parenting the Gravity of Sin

When I discipline our kids, I ask a series of three questions.

Who did you sin against?
Who is the most important Person you’ve sinned against?
How is God thinking about you right now?

To the first question, my children always list the humans they’ve sinned against—mommy, my sister, etc. I think our world would count that as a success. If you raise kids who try not to hurt anyone else, you’ve done your job as a parent. That’s how we tend to think of sin as well. Sin is ugly to the degree that you hurt others in your sin.

So how can we parent our kids toward a more biblical view of sin? Each time I follow up my first question with a second: "Who is the most important Person you’ve sinned against?" That question acts like a bumper, always redirecting my thoughts and my child’s thoughts to the Reality that is God.

We intuitively understand that the person sinned against has a great deal to do with the seriousness of the sin. Punching a random person, punching a police officer, or punching the President of the United States are intuitively different sins because they’re committed against different people.

If every sin—no matter how small or great—is an act of open rebellion against the most important, weighty, glorious Person in the Universe, that changes the conversation entirely.

Because we are born thinking we can earn God’s love and because we are born suspicious of grace, I think it’s important to take the discussion one step further. I follow up the first two questions with a third: "How is God thinking about you right now?"

The answer? “He wants me to run to him and ask for forgiveness.”[^4] I think two biblical images are particularly helpful to communicate God’s heart:

I’ll often describe God like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11–32). God is holding out his hands and running towards you. He wants you to turn and run to him.
I’ll remind my child of Jesus as the Good Shepherd. What do shepherds do when their sheep are in trouble or hurt (especially because of their own missteps)? They run to rescue their sheep. And so I remind my child, "God wants to rescue you. He wants to heal you. He’s calling for you right now. Will you turn, confess, and accept his forgiveness and love?"

Sin and the Gospel

The true stench of any and every sin is that each sin is an offense against God. Only when we know the true blackness of sin can we begin to more fully love and cherish the beauty of forgiveness through Christ.

We don’t enjoy fellowship with God because he brushed over our sin or excused it with some perverted sense of justice. We have pardon because Jesus was condemned. We receive welcome because Jesus was cast out. We are loved because Jesus was cursed. We have peace because he took our wrath. Truly, “He is the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 2:2a)!

[^1]: The Sinfulness of Sin (Page 29). He continues later on, "In short, sin is the dare of God’s justice, the rape of his mercy, the jeer of his patience, the slight of his power, the contempt of his love, as one writer prettily expresses this ugly thing. We may go on and say, it is the upbraiding of his providence (Psalm 50), the scoff of his promise (2 Peter 3. 3–4), the reproach of his wisdom (Isaiah 29. 16). And as is said of the Man of Sin (i.e. who is made up of sin) it opposes and exalts itself above all that is called God (and above all that God is called), so that it as God sitteth in the temple of God, showing itself as if it were God (2 Thessalonians 2. 4)" (Page 32). [^2]: The God Who Is There, page 97.

A Conversation About Raising Children With Disabilities

John Pate — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 00:00:00 GMT

My sister Jenny is a gifted lady. She has memorized nearly every birthday for every person in her church and faithfully sends a card to each one. If quizzed, she can quickly recall the phone numbers of family friends from our childhood. She often recounts the exact wording of conversations that took place three decades ago. (Watch out what you say around her. It will be remembered!) It truly is a joy to have Jenny as my friend.

Jenny also experiences challenges. Her hydrocephalus and the damage it caused to her brain at birth has made everyday life an uphill battle. My parents have faithfully helped Jenny through these challenges for the last thirty-seven years. Although I do not begin to understand all that goes into parenting a child with a disability, the topic has a special place in my heart.

The following will simply consist of a conversation with three families who are each raising a child with disabilities. The purpose of this conversation is two-fold:

To encourage those raising disabled children and remind them of God’s abundant grace.
To equip others who know families with disabled children so they can more effectively minister God’s abundant grace.

The Early Years—Brandon and Kaylee Unruh

Please introduce your family and tell us a little about Grayson. How has he blessed your family?

We are the Unruh family. We have two beautiful children named Grayson and Harper. Grayson will be turning 3 in March and Harper is 7 months old. Grayson was diagnosed with a rare genetic mutation called CDKL5 when he was 8 months old. He battles daily seizures, is non-verbal, and is confined to a wheelchair in addition to other difficulties.

Despite all his struggles, he is the sweetest boy in the world. His little babbles that he makes throughout the day bring us so much joy. When he makes eye contact with us, he lights up our world. We love him so much and we feel so fortunate to have him in our family.

What is one of the most powerful things God has taught you as you’ve parented Grayson?

For me (Kaylee), I’ve seen how God truly is my source of strength when I am weak. There are many days that are challenging, and often, I am tired (whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually). But it is in those moments when I pray and ask God to carry me through another day that I feel His loving arms wrap around me.

For me (Brandon), God has taught me of His sovereignty. I have learned (and continue to learn) that in all things God is in control. There is nothing in our life or anything that comes up in Grayson’s life that is outside of His perfect plan for our family. Because of this I have been challenged to relinquish hold of the control I wish to have and give it to God.

On those difficult days, where do you find your joy? Are there any Bible verses that have been especially encouraging?

Knowing that, one day, Grayson will no longer battle the physical difficulties that he has is a great encouragement. Revelation 21:4 says, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore. For the former things have passed away.” It stirs up lots of emotion, imagining our sweet Grayson one day being able to run and talk and endure no more pain.

How has raising Grayson grown your marriage? How do you find time alone?

Grayson has taught us many things about life and love. Life with Grayson can be stressful and very busy with his therapies and the time it takes to care for him daily. However, it brings a deeper understanding of unconditional love, that love you show to someone you know will never be able to repay, and you do it because of a genuine love for them.

For a while, it was hard to let go of control and allow family or friends to watch Grayson so we could have time alone, but we decided it was healthier to have that time together. We decided specifically at the start of this year to have a date night once or twice a month to reconnect with one another.

We also try to get the kids in bed at a reasonable time so we can have an hour or two just with each other before we head to bed and start the day all over again. It is refreshing to have just “us” time for a little bit.

What are some ways a church family can pray for a family raising a child with a disability?

If you know specific needs the family or child has, lift those needs up in prayer. Pray for strength and grace as some days may be harder than others.

The Active Years—Andrew and Janna Fry

Please introduce your family and tell us a little about Kyrielle.

Kyrielle is the oldest of our three children. She was born prematurely but developed normally for the first two-and-a-half years of her life. At that point, she had a rapid developmental regression, losing social and speech skills. After several months of a diagnosis journey, we learned she has a rare genetic deletion which results in many symptoms, most prominently autism.

Kyrielle Dawn is a true gift from God. Her name reminds us of the nature of our God. Kyrielle (short for Kyrie eleison) means “Lord, have mercy.” Dawn refers to the morning, the breaking of a new day. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22–23).

What is one of the most powerful things God has taught you as you’ve parented Kyrielle?

The thing we come back to over and over for hope is the promise of restoration one day in heaven. Andrew Wilson writes in The Life We Never Expected (a book which encourages us a lot!), “Physical bodies become incorruptible, spiritual, glorious, powerful; no sickness or affliction will ever befall them again . . . . Every deaf ear is unblocked, every damaged limb is made whole, every blind eye sees. Autism and Down’s syndrome and schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s are swallowed up in victory. And ‘the last enemy to be destroyed is death’ (1 Cor. 15:26).”

The God who numbers the hairs of our heads also knows the number of our chromosomes. He counts the stars, declares that not one of them is missing (Isaiah 40:26), and in His omniscience knows the genes our sweet girl is missing. Before she was born, and long before we had an inkling that anything had gone wrong, she was not hidden from our God (Psalm 139:15-16). And one day in heaven, He will make her whole and complete in every way. On the days when I feel like I can’t do this anymore, I remember that one day, I won’t have to, and that gives me strength to carry on a little longer.

How has your church family helped you and your family since Kyrielle’s diagnosis?

Throughout our journey, so many people have shared Scripture through texts and cards and Facebook messages and emails. No verse was irrelevant, and they always came at just the right time. If you don’t know what to say to someone who has experienced this kind of loss, don’t hesitate to send a verse and a promise to pray. It was truly always an encouragement to us.

Meals and childcare were a very practical way to help when our schedule was spinning with appointments and the physical demands of daily care. Those “random” gifts are a breath of fresh air and a tangible reminder that we and our children are loved by many people.

One of the biggest helps has been that a fellow church member lines up a one-to-one aide for Kyrielle for every church service. With regularly scheduled aides, we can give our full attention to the music and preaching of a church service, and Kyrielle can participate in the class best suited to her ability level.[^1]

How do you seek to disciple Kyrielle? How does it look different from your other children?

Because Kyrielle doesn’t understand abstract concepts in the same way our other children do, most of our discipleship is a continuation of the activities we began when she was a toddler—reading picture Bibles, singing Sunday School songs, and leading her in very simple prayers.

Our goal with discipling every child is to reach the heart. We had to recognize, however, that most of Kyrielle’s negative behavior is impulse-driven or childish behavior rather than rebellion. This calls for a lot more patience and repetition of instruction—again, similar to parenting a toddler.

Are there any routines that help to guide your parenting of Kyrielle?

Most of our family routines are strongly influenced by two factors: Kyrielle does not sleep well, and, when she is awake, she requires intensely close supervision for safety reasons.

We are frequently up in the middle of the night and feeling jet-lagged the next day. Our motto on those days is “double the coffee and half the expectations” (kinda joking, kinda not). In other words, our routines ebb and flow with our energy level because that’s the only way we’ve found to make things work.

Because elopement is a major risk for Kyrielle, we’ve established a “Tag, you’re it,” system. Essentially, every time supervision is passed from one person to the next, we make sure there is eye contact and full verbal acknowledgement of who is responsible to keep her in sight. We use this all the time, but it is especially helpful in large-group situations such as family gatherings or church activities.

The Transition Years—Ron and Vicky Broadfield

Please introduce your family and tell us a little about Joy. How has she blessed your family?

We’re Ron and Vicky, and God has blessed us with two lovely daughters. We adopted our youngest, Joy, as an infant twenty-six years ago. She captured our hearts from the start and changed our lives forever. Over the next few years God revealed step by step to us the uniqueness of Joy and the struggles she (and we) would face. In addition to being born with a cleft lip and palate, she has been diagnosed with autism, neurofibromatosis, severe learning disabilities, sensory processing disorder, stress-induced seizures, ADHD, and the possibility of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Each of these disabilities causes a number of daily challenges. With each new challenge the Lord provides strength, direction, and the answers we need. In spite of her disabilities, Joy is funny, helpful, compassionate, and wants to please the Lord.

What is one of the most powerful things God has taught you as you’ve raised Joy?

God has used Joy to teach us so many things. He has especially increased our compassion for others and our understanding of individuals with disabilities. God has also taught us to love unconditionally, be flexible, have more patience, and to trust in Him with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. But the most important lesson we have learned during this time is that God is always good, even through the difficult times. He is always with us. He knows who we are, what we are going through and He cares about us.

Where have you found support as you’ve raised Joy?

The world of disabilities is so different now than it was nearly 20 years ago when we first received the autism diagnosis. Back then, people had misconceptions and a lack of understanding about autism. Our circle of support was small. In recent years as the level of awareness about disabilities has increased in our society, there have been many good changes! Our circle of support (and Joy’s) has increased, and it has been exciting to see how our church family has rallied around young families with children with special needs or serious medical conditions.

As Joy transitions to adulthood, how has your discipleship changed?

Each phase of Joy’s life has brought new blessings and different challenges. We are thankful that Joy has shown maturity in different areas of her life as she has gotten older. As a young adult, she desires to be as independent and responsible as possible. To help her with this transition, we regularly help her evaluate the different areas of her life and pray for wisdom in determining what level and type of support she needs.

Below are a few examples of our discipleship goals:

Spiritual—We want Joy to have a supportive church family, an accountability/prayer partner, and a Bible she can easily read and understand.
Daily living—We want Joy to have a support team that can help her use checklists and alarm reminders to stay on track.
Physical—We want Joy to have doctors and therapists who are supportive and respectful of our family’s desires.
Emotional/Mental—We want Joy to have counseling professionals that respect our Biblical beliefs.

Joy is a tremendous blessing to us. Our desire is to help her become the woman that God designed her to be. We would not change her or our journey with special needs for anything in the world!

[^1]: If you or your church feel burdened to grow your ministry this way, a couple of tips would be to start with the children who are already in your church family, and start with one service a week if you don’t have enough volunteers for a full schedule yet.

What to Know as a First-Time Dad

John Dalrymple — Tue, 23 Feb 2021 19:48:39 GMT

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When my wife gave birth to our first son about six years ago, I cried.

The love and pain and beauty of that moment formed a precious memory I will never forget. I shed tears of joy but I also felt overwhelmed. I was thrilled to be a dad but I knew I was a rookie. Many questions swirled inside my head over the course of those first few days and I wanted to do everything right.

If I’ve learned one thing as a parent over the past six years, it’s that there’s always more to learn. I now have four boys and even more questions, but here are a few things I’ve learned that I think every first-time dad should know.[^1]

Conception is not part of the curse

Many parents are ecstatic when they find out they’re expecting their first kid, but for some couples, the news can come as a shock and even a disappointment. They may have had different plans for their first few years of marriage or just don’t feel like they’re ready to become parents.[^2]

Conception is a miracle and never an accident in God’s economy. My wife and I had our first child eleven months into marriage and although we wondered how the baby would impact our marriage relationship, we were reminded that children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3).

Resist the temptation to think about your baby as a burden and choose to talk about your child as a blessing from God, regardless of how you feel about the timing or your “readiness” to be a dad.

Pregnancy will change your wife

In addition to the nausea and exhaustion that many women experience (especially during the first trimester), your wife will likely experience major emotional swings and fears about pregnancy and delivery. As her body starts changing and she needs a new wardrobe, she may struggle with what she looks like both during and after pregnancy. While she will likely feel more herself after her body adjusts post-pregnancy, she will never be the same. Pregnancy and motherhood will change her in many ways.

As husbands who seek to live with their wives in an understanding way and honor them as the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7), here are a few things we can purpose to do with God’s help.[^3]

1. Be steady

Be a steady arm she can lean on when she feels weak. Be a steady shoulder she can cry on when she’s weary. Be a steady ear to listen when she feels scared. Be a steady voice and gently speak the truth to her in love. The only way you will be a steady husband is if you have a strong foundation. Root yourself in God’s Word and grow in dependence on the Holy Spirit.

2. Be ready to serve

Realize that your wife may not be able to do everything she wants to do to keep life going normally. Pregnancy often heightens a woman’s sense of smell, so volunteer to take the stinky jobs. Plan to give her extra time to rest and help out with some of the things she normally does around home. After giving birth, she will be in recovery for at least the first few weeks, so do what you can to take care of meals and the household chores.[^4] In addition, be available to change diapers, comfort the baby during the night, and hold the baby so she can nap. Ask her, “What would be most helpful to you?”

3. Tell her she is beautiful

Most people will comment on the cuteness of the new baby (even if the baby is not that cute) but don’t forget to remind your wife that she is lovely. Remind her she has just done something incredible by birthing a baby and that you love to see her as a mom. The baby bump and pregnancy weight do not disappear overnight but don’t draw attention to that. Since your wife is likely often thinking about the baby, give her a break so she can shower and care for herself.

4. Tell her you love her

It can be easy to be so consumed with caring for and enjoying the new baby that spouses can neglect their love for each other. Remember that your wife will still be there (Lord willing) when the child has left your home, so keep your marriage relationship a priority. Tell her you love her, that you are there for her, and that you are a team in parenting. She may feel insecure about how she is doing as a mom, so take time to affirm, encourage, and support her.

5. Care for her spiritual health

Pregnancy and the baby will disrupt your wife’s schedule and rhythm of life, and the combination of hormones, exhaustion, and emotions that surround pregnancy and postpartum may take a toll on her walk with God. Help her have time to feed on God’s Word and ask her how she’s doing spiritually. If you haven’t established a habit of praying together, start this new stage of family life with regular prayer. Encourage and enable her to take time with friends who will build her up spiritually.

Every birth story is unique

Sometimes it seems to me that birth stories are to moms what injury stories are to guys. Help your wife process the many stories she will hear and develop realistic expectations for her delivery. Remind her that God has orchestrated every detail of her birth story and He will give her the grace she needs. Since labor is so intense, it is helpful to discuss your wife’s plan and preferences beforehand so you can advocate for her and not have her make big decisions in between contractions.

Everyone has opinions on how to raise your kids

In addition to parents and family, you will have friends and complete strangers offering free unsolicited parenting advice before you even know the gender of the baby. There is safety in the “abundance of counselors” but you may also receive conflicting opinions and unbiblical perspectives. Remember that at the end of the day, you and your wife are the ones responsible before God for how you choose to raise your kids.

Make your home full of dependence

The more dependents you have, the more you realize you need God’s help. When you’ve tried everything you know to make your baby stop crying or you’re at your wit’s end with your child’s hard heart, you have nowhere else to turn but to your heavenly Father. Remember that God loves your children more than you do, He has a better plan for their life, and He has all the resources at His disposal to accomplish His plan. You can’t always be there for your child, and even if you could, you won’t always know the answers. So, make dependence on God the goal of your parenting and enjoy each day you have with your kids.

In the comments section below, we’d love to hear what you would share with a first-time dad.

[^1]: Special thanks to my wife, Suzanne, for her help in writing this article and providing a mom’s perspective on what every dad should know. [^2]: Being “ready” for parenthood is more about knowing God and knowing your wife than knowing 529 college savings plans and the best diaper brand. [^3]: These are things that I am still working on and often neglect to do. [^4]: Some people have a relative or friend live with them during this time to provide extra help. If she has a C-section or other complications, the recovery time may be longer than a few weeks. Some people have a relative or friend live with them during this time to provide extra help. If she has a C-section or other complications, the recovery time may be longer than a few weeks.

Dads and Authority Part 3

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 16 Feb 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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<Note>This is the third article in a three-part series on dads and authority. <a href="/dads-and-authority/" className="underline">In part 1</a>, I discussed two implications of the fact that a father’s authority comes from God: 1) you must obey God, and 2) you must teach your kids to obey you (Eph 6:1-4). <a href="/dads-and-authority-part-2/" className="underline">In part 2</a>, I discussed three additional reasons why it’s important to teach your kids to obey. In this post, I will cover five safeguards against the abuse of parental authority.</Note>

I have an interest in the topic of biblical authority. I don’t know why, but I’ve been writing about it a lot lately. Last month, I wrote a Facebook post about the authority of the local church over its members, quoting from a book I had been reading. Many responded favorably to this post, but a couple of friends expressed some misgivings.

One friend messaged me and asked, "What are the limits of pastoral authority?" That was a good question. You cannot preach on authority without admitting that it can and has been abused. When it comes to parenting, the Bible itself recognizes this danger. It is no coincidence that Ephesians 6:4 ("And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath") comes right on the heels of Ephesians 6:1 ("Children, obey your parents"). When we as fathers are harsh, thoughtless, or inconsistent with our children, we "provoke them to wrath." In mild cases, this can damage your relationship with your son or daughter for a time. In serious cases, you could poison them against you and the Lord for life.

How can we as Christian fathers avoid provoking our children? Here are five safeguards you can put into place without compromising your authority.[^1]

1. Thoughtfulness

I’ve heard it said, "Never give a command unless you intend for it to be obeyed." That is excellent advice. Better to say nothing at all than to say something and not follow through. This requires forethought and intentionality. If you constantly "shoot from the hip" when giving instructions, you will end up provoking your children, compromising your authority, or both.

Also, be considerate. For instance, if you are planning to leave the park soon, allow your kids to mentally prepare for that by giving them a five-minute warning. That way, they aren’t caught off guard and have time to finish their game. Good leadership is thoughtful leadership.

2. Clarity

If you are going to enforce obedience, it’s important that the communication "gets through" to your children. Communication is a two-way street. You haven’t communicated unless your desired message has been received. For some children, you may need to make them stop what they’re doing and look you in the eye as you talk to them. Requiring a simple "yes Mom" or "yes Dad" ensures that your child received the message.[^2]

3. Consistency

Do you remember inconsistencies in your parents? Sometimes the same action would draw out seemingly opposite responses from your parents. One day you’d receive a "meh" response, and the next day you’d be tried for high treason! Do you remember how frustrated that made you? If your children/teens don’t know what to expect from you as a parent, they will inevitably be frustrated.

Perhaps these inconsistencies are where family rules originate. Many family rules are not legalistic tools to control other people’s lives, but loving structures to ensure consistency. Personally, I can’t remember any written rules in my home growing up. However, we had a lot of unwritten rules, which helped us know what to expect from day-to-day. The degree of formality with which you formulate and communicate rules is up to you; but do have rules and do be consistent.[^3]

4. Mercy

God is merciful to us, so we should show mercy to our children too. Sometimes, it is appropriate to issue a warning in lieu of discipline, especially when factors like hunger, lack of sleep, and chaotic circumstances have made obedience more difficult. With our own elementary and preschool-aged children, if we have pushed them hard all day (like we spent four hours at church or had a long outing or family reunion) and then they act up, we are slower to discipline them.

However, at the same time, beware the trap of always "showing mercy." Sometimes "showing mercy" is just an excuse for lazy parenting that actually hurts your children because it creates inconsistency and trains them not to obey.[^4]

5. The Appeal Process

I’m not sure how common the appeals process is in Christian homes today, but it was a big help to me growing up. An appeal is basically a safeguard against misunderstandings and the stupid commands that parents sometimes give. It is a way for you to say to your child, "I know I’m imperfect, so here is how to respectfully voice your concerns."

Let’s say that I tell my daughter, "I want you to feed the dog." But unbeknownst to me, she just did it half an hour ago. Or here’s another one that comes up often: I tell my daughter, "Go feed the dog," but my wife just told her to go clean her room. Or your son is reading in bed before bedtime. You walk in and say, "Turn out the lights," but unbeknownst to you, she is on the last page of her book. What should she do?

Here’s how the appeal process would work. Your son would say, "Dad, may I please appeal?" You would say, "Yes." He would say, "I have one page left in this book. Can I finish it first?" And then you would decide whether to say "yes" or "no."

Having some kind of appeals process in play is important for several reasons.

It accounts for human fallibility. There is no way that I as a dad will be perfect in giving instructions. So how can I account for that human error? One of the best ways is by allowing your kids to appeal.
It makes you more approachable. You don’t want your children to be mindless machines. Instead, you want them to come to you with their concerns so that you can explain the "whys" behind the commands. The appeal process encourages this kind of interaction between you and your older children.
It keeps parental authority from becoming arbitrary. If you ever do "shoot from the hip" with an instruction, your children’s appeals will help keep you in check.
It gives you an "out" without compromising your authority. What do you do when you give an instruction that in retrospect was stupid? In lieu of an appeals process, some parents simply allow their children to complain, talk back, and argue with them. This is unacceptable, because it teaches your children to disrespect their authorities. The appeals process, on the other hand, teaches your kids how to "push back" in a gentle, respectful way.
It prepares your children to interact correctly with other authorities later in life. If your children learn to appeal correctly, they will be lightyears ahead of their peers when it comes to interacting with authorities on all different levels. How useful would that skill be in dealing with an unreasonable boss? The fact is that the appeals process is the biblical way to disagree with authorities.[^5]

What are some guidelines for the appeals process?

It is mainly for older children/teens. A two-year-old is not old enough to appeal. He’s not old enough to understand those concepts. Besides, with the two-year-old, you are still working on unconditional obedience. The first thing a two-year-old needs to understand is that he or she is a person under authority. Introducing the appeal process before that primary lesson is learned is getting the cart before the horse.
The child must express a willingness to obey first. Sometimes, a child’s eagerness to appeal is a sign of an unsubmissive heart. In other words, it’s not your instructions that are the problem; it’s his heart that is the problem. One simple way to address this issue is to teach your kids to say "Yes Daddy" first before they appeal. It may seem awkward at first, but the timing really is important. Until you children respond with that "yes," they have not acknowledged your authority/their submission. It is only after that acknowledgment that they should begin to push back.
The proper time to appeal is usually when there is information that Mom or Dad either weren’t aware of or didn’t consider. Teach your children that "I don’t want to" or "I don’t agree" are not appeals, they are arguments; and arguments will not be tolerated. However, there are times when new information that Mom and Dad weren’t aware of may change their decision. This is a perfect time to appeal.
The child must appeal respectfully. This is why we have tried to teach our children to use the specific words, "Mommy, may I please appeal?" Without some kind of a learned phrase like this, the child is likely to be disrespectful.
The child may appeal only once per issue. Once your appeal has been heard, that’s the end of it. You don’t get to appeal again unless new information comes up. Persisting in the argument after your appeal has been heard is disrespectful and disobedient.
The child must accept your final decision gracefully, even if he or she disagrees with it. Stomping, pouting, and giving you "the cold shoulder" are all unacceptable behaviors because they evidence a heart that is unsubmissive. Remember, the most important thing we are after in our children is real heart change!

If you think the appeals process I have described sounds too complex, please understand that it is not meant to be overly restrictive or formulaic. It is simply the result of godly people thinking seriously about how to teach their children respect for authority while also not provoking them. May the Lord help us in that endeavor!

[^1]: See <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority/" target="_blank"> part 1</a> and <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority-part-2/" target="_blank">part 2</a> for the importance of teaching your kids to obey. [^2]: See John Pate’s article, <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/teach-your-child-to-say-yes/" target="_blank">Teach Your Child to Say “Yes”</a>, for more on requiring a verbal "yes" response from your children. [^3]: Also, if you are tempted to make too many rules, go back to point #1. [^4]: Again, see <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority/" target="_blank"> part 1</a> and <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority-part-2/" target="_blank">part 2</a> for the importance of teaching your kids to obey. [^5]: If you are interested in doing a biblical study of appeals, start in Daniel 1. The principles for disagreeing with authorities found in that chapter are very helpful.

The Power of Family Routines

Chris Pennington — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 00:00:00 GMT

The job of parenting is overwhelming. I think like many dads, I hadn’t properly considered my calling until I was holding my oldest child for the first time.

"All we need to do," I thought, "is raise this little girl to be a competent, God-fearing woman in eighteen years." How in the world do you do that? Where do you start?

I like to think I’m an organized person, so I set straight away to making a plan—you know, like a detailed recipe, but for children. A few years of perfect parental responses, patient sessions of discipline, and family devotions in the evening … I was feeling pretty good.

Then we hit the first night.

It wasn’t long until I was apologizing for my poor discipline, questioning our family rules, despairing over sin in our kids, and generally feeling like a failure. What went wrong? How could I fix it?

In case you’re wondering, I don’t have a silver bullet. I don’t have a 5-step plan, and I haven’t learned any magic—no matter how many times I re-read the Harry Potter series. But I have realized the power of small things repeated over and over again.

A Revelation of Memory

My wife and I were discussing our own childhood memories one day when I realized a particular grace of God for the first time: I remembered only basic themes of my childhood.

Admittedly, I have a bad memory, but I don’t think I’m unique. The faultiness of memory truly is one of the hidden graces of God. For the most part, we remember basic themes and general trends.

With that realization, my wife and I sat down to create a list of themes or trends for our home. What were the basic things we wanted to characterize our home?

The goal wasn’t to compile the perfect list, but to find some core characteristics for our home we believed would honor God.

Practices over Ideas

I think our first attempt resulted in a bunch of fuzzy concepts. It read something like this:

We want our home to be full of love.
We want our home to be God-centered.
We want our home to be a place of inquiry and learning.

You can probably spot the problem already. How were we supposed to evaluate our efforts? Were we doing a good job? How would we know?

We wanted our home to be full of love. Okay, great! How? We wanted our home to be God-centered. Okay, great. Again, how?

We came to the realization that if we wanted to follow through with our plans, we’d need to move past the concepts to actual daily practices. We’d need to focus on something objective, something discernible, something quantitative.

In other words, we realized we needed to move past the theories, themes, and concepts to the actual how. How would we build the home we wanted? We needed to define daily practices, not merely general concepts.

Four Daily Practices

We landed on four basic daily practices that have a good chance of producing the kind of home we believe would honor God. I’d love to say we’ve never missed a day for any of these practices, but we try to always keep them before us. By focusing on the daily practices, rather than the theory or the goal, we’ve started to see some fruit. Planting apple seeds eventually grows apple trees.

Here’s our current list:

1. Pray to God each day.

Every day, we try to make prayer a major part of our home.[^1] Our desire is that this practice along with our instruction can reinforce realities like …

God is the most important being in the universe!
God is in control of everything. Nothing escapes his notice. Nothing happens without his choice.
We desperately need God. We need him for food, for money, for joy, for justice, for anything and everything you could imagine.
God is the source of every joy, grace, and success. He deserves praise for it all.
God wants to listen to us. He tells us to speak to him and he hears our prayers. He is not distant, but near. He is not aloof, but caring.
God is the answer to every problem. He is the Great Physician, the Provider, the Rock, and the Fortress.

2. Listen to God each day.

Whether reading a Bible storybook, reenacting a Bible story, or memorizing a Bible passage, we want the sound of God’s words to fill our home. We want to communicate that …

God is a speaking God. We don’t have to wonder what He thinks or pursue him in a mystical, non-personal way.
He wrote down his words for us (cf. Rom 5:23–24; 15:4; 1 Cor 9:10; 10:6) and wants to change us as we behold him (2 Cor 3:18).
God wants to show us himself. He wants to enter into a relationship, not merely send edicts down from above.
God has faithfully revealed himself since the beginning of time and has always shown himself faithful. People never understand all that God is doing, but his purposes are always good and for their good.

3. "I love you" each day.

We want to tell our kids we love them every day. Those three simple words carry tremendous weight when paired with time, godly discipline, and rich conversations.[^2]

We want our kids to see God’s love through us and in us. God makes it a habit both to speak and to show his love throughout the biblical narrative. The most famous verse in the Bible begins, "God so loved the world" (John 3:16).
Part of the image of God in man is our ability to enter into relationship. God made people relational, and we want to express the joys of godly relationships in our words.
We know our words and actions will not always agree. Sometimes we will only say "I love you" while our sinful responses communicate something else entirely. Our hearts need instruction by our words, too. And saying "I love you" every day teaches us as much as it communicates to our kids.

4. Read books each day.

My wife is a voracious reader. And I try. Before we had kids, her favorite date involved any book and some coffee. We spent hours our first year of marriage sitting in coffee shops and bookstores. Reading opens doors to so many worlds and grants access to learning beyond what we can teach our kids.

We want our kids to develop imagination and a thirst for learning.
We want our kids to find delight in reading so that they will be excited to read the Bible. God communicated nearly everything we know about him in a book. In a very real sense, if our kids are going to know God, they need to read--and like it!
We want our kids to develop patience and self-discipline. Reading--especially reading longer books--requires a kind of discipline not afforded by screen time or play with friends.[^3] In a distracted world, the ability to sit still for more than fifteen minutes is quickly fading--even for dads!
We want our kids to surpass us. We want them to learn new topics, dream big dreams, and explore what God might have them do for him! Most dinner table conversations are now punctuated by my 5-year-old telling us some interesting fact about the Great Barrier Reef or something else she heard that day.

A Concluding Thought

I’m not suggesting we’ve stumbled upon a secret or that our home is a perfect little world of bliss. But I do think these four daily practices have impacted our home life despite our faults and failures. They’re steadying rhythms that produce a certain predictable movement to life, like a gentle tide that always moves in and out.

We felt it was important to find something we could manage, to choose consistency over perfection. I’m sure we will add to or adjust our list in the coming years, but I’m thankful for a starting point. It’s just what this distracted dad needed.

[^1]: We pray for others in public when our kids observe sinful behavior, pray for provision at meals or when a need arises, pray for God's forgiveness after our children sin and ask for God’s grace to obey, etc. [^2]: You’ve likely heard "quality over quantity," but it’s mostly a lie. Your kids need your time, and lots of it. The phrase "I love you" without time to back that up feels like listening to a love song sung to an army march. It just doesn’t fit. [^3]: This last week, I finished a 300+ page book with my oldest (who just turned five 3 weeks ago)--and it didn’t have any pictures! I mostly credit my wife with that victory, as she has always read to our kids for long periods each day. It’s been amazing to see how our oldest has developed the ability to listen carefully for long blocks of time. The second kid … well, we’re still working on her 😏.

Teach Your Child to Say “Yes”

John Pate — Tue, 02 Feb 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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Growing up in South Carolina, I often answered adults with a “Yes sir” or a “Yes ma’am.” These phrases were as comfortable in everyday southern speech as a dish of chicken bog at a church potluck. I’m not sure I always spoke them out of intentional respect as much as they were simply part of the fabric of polite conversation. Travel elsewhere in the country, and a “Yes ma’am” could actually cause considerable offense.

Now that I’m raising my children away from the southern culture, I’ve had to consider how I want them to respond to authority, in particular to me as their dad. Is it possible that “Yes sir” is just an antiquated or cultural phenomenon? Does it really matter how they respond with their words as long as their heart is submissive?

The answer to these questions begins with a proper understanding of your God-given authority as a dad. Kristopher has already written two excellent foundational articles on this topic: Dads and Authority, <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority/" target="_blank">Part 1</a> and <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority-part-2/" target="_blank">Part 2</a>. If you haven’t yet read those, please take a few minutes to do so as they provide an important biblical foundation.

Based on the Bible’s emphasis on submission to authority, it is clear that our children must learn to respond to us in a submissive manner. A vital part of training your child to submit includes requiring a verbal expression of submission. It could be “yes sir” or “ok” or “yes, dad.” Whatever form it takes, teach him to say “yes”. We’ll explore the reasons for this principle and some ways we can practically carry it out.

Why should he say “yes”?

Words matter. What you say with your mouth both reflects and affects what you believe in your heart. The Bible places a great emphasis on the power of words. Just after the nation of Israel crossed the Jordan River to enter the Promised Land, they were to take time to review the curses and blessings inherent in the Mosaic Covenant. After each curse was spoken, all the people were to answer with a verbal “Amen” to demonstrate their inward agreement with God (Deut. 27).

<Callout quote="Teaching your child to say “yes” to you prepares him to say “yes” to Jesus." author="john-pate" url="teach-your-child-to-say-yes" noFloat="true" /> God indeed knows what is in our hearts, but He also wants us to speak it with our lips (see 1 Sam. 3:9; Luke 12:8; Rom. 10:9; Heb. 13:15). Teaching your child to say “yes” impacts his heart in three significant ways.

It exposes. Jesus revealed that “what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart” (Matt. 15:18). According to James, a key diagnostic for someone troubleshooting the nature of his faith is how he uses his tongue (James 3:1–12). Teaching your child to say “yes” provides a simple standard that can expose complicated heart issues.
It guides. On the flip side, the tongue can also guide the heart. Israelite families were to repeat key truths about God several times a day so that their children would grow in their faith (Deut. 6:4–25). Teaching your child to say “yes” can help shape his heart attitude toward authority.
It prepares. You are not your child’s ultimate authority. Jesus is. At some point in your child’s life, Jesus will begin speaking to him through His Word, calling him to submit, and how your child responds to that call carries eternal consequence. Your child’s eternal joy is dependent on how he responds to Jesus. When Jesus calls him, he doesn’t need to deliberate or consider whether or not His demands are reasonable. He should simply say “yes” because Jesus is Lord. Teaching your child to say “yes” to you prepares him to say “yes” to Jesus.

How does this work?

Requiring a “yes” from your child seems simple enough, but it can present some unexpected challenges. Here are a few ideas for successfully implementing this important habit in your family.

The standard shouldn’t change. While your strategy may change over time, strive to keep the standard static. When you as the authority give a command, your child’s automatic response should always be “yes.” This unchanging standard frees your child to enjoy the results of obedience without unnecessary deliberation. You and your wife should pick a response for your children (“yes sir, “ok,” “gladly,” etc.) and stick to it.
Take time to train. We don’t learn new habits overnight. If your child isn’t accustomed to saying “yes,” set up some practice scenarios and, when he responds correctly, give over-the-top praise. Some kids get a kick out of learning a new habit like this one.
Give advance warning and clear commands. Sometimes a child can be caught off guard by a command and not be quite ready for a knee-jerk “yes sir.” For younger children it can be helpful to say something like, “I’m about to give you a command, and I want you to respond like we’ve talked about.” It’s also helpful to ensure that your commands are clear. It may feel firm at first, but “Please clean your room” makes more sense to a five-year-old than “How about you go clean your room now?”
Give reasonable commands. I’m often too optimistic about what my children are able to do. Before you give a command, stop and ask yourself, “Can my child actually do this, and am I prepared to follow through with this command?” Consult your wife if you’re not sure.
Certain responses are off limits. Your child should know that certain words are never an option, the worst offender being “no.” Unless your command is sinful or your child is no longer under your care, he should never be allowed to respond to you with a “no.” Some other unacceptable responses might be “but,” “I don’t want to,” or silence.
Your child should obey first. Ask questions later. This is tough but so important. None of us likes to be told what to do because we want to be our own authority. When your child obeys with the right attitude despite a swirl of objections in his head, that action is a huge step of obedience to God. Sometimes, my daughter responds to difficult commands with a noble “It will be hard, but I will do it.” Make a big deal out of those moments of obedience! [^1]
Attitude matters. It’s possible to say “yes sir” and not mean it one bit. Make sure your child says “yes” in a respectful manner. True, his inner attitude may still be defiant, but requiring a sweet outer attitude can help to guide his heart. Consider teaching him the phrase, “quickly, sweetly, and completely” to guide his responses.

Some Objections

Some of these principles may rub you the wrong way. If so, thanks for reading this far! Here are some responses to a few potential objections to requiring a “yes” from your child.

“What about my child’s freedom of expression?” Requiring certain words from your child might initially seem to hinder his freedom of expression and even dampen his happiness. However, not all self-expression is good. Some self-expressions are displeasing to God and therefore reduce our capacity for joy. While vocal resistance to authority brings unhappiness (Prov. 20:20), submission to authority brings blessing (Prov. 1:8–9; 6:20ff; Eph. 6:1–3). Your job as a parent includes guiding your child in the path of true joy, the path of obedience.

“I want to know what my child is actually thinking.” That’s good. Open dialogue with your child is necessary if you are going to shepherd his heart. It is possible, however, to have open lines of communication without forfeiting your responsibility to teach submission. In fact, you may find that teaching your child to say “yes” actually sparks conversation rather than hinders it.

“Do I really want my child to speak words he doesn’t mean?” The Bible clearly teaches the danger of submissive words spoken from a rebellious heart (Isaiah 29:13; Matt. 21:29–32). The danger here, however, is not the words, but the heart. We certainly want to aim for the heart. Requiring certain behaviors, far from ignoring the heart, is actually a way to reach the heart.

“What if I’m wrong?” Unlike God, you’re wrong sometimes. You’ll have to apologize to your children. You will make mistakes. You will give dumb commands. Thankfully, your child’s hope is not you but the God who made you his dad. God promises blessing to those who submit to imperfect authorities (see 1 Peter 2:13—3:6 for some examples).

“Shouldn’t my child learn to appeal?” Absolutely. At some point, your child will be mature enough to respectfully appeal your commands. This maturity is more dependent on attitude than age. Ideally, a respectful appeal uses a preplanned sentence (“Can I make an appeal?”) to present information that dad doesn’t know (“There’s a crocodile in the backyard”) and to ask permission to follow a different course of action (“May I cut the grass this afternoon instead?”). Once again, attitude is key in this process.

Dads need to say “yes”

The process of teaching my children to say “yes” has often turned the mirror back on my life, in particular my responses to God. When I read God’s Word, He gives me clear commands. Sometimes, instead of responding with a ready “yes, Lord,” I ignore, question, or even resist His authority. But as I guide my children in submission, my own responsibility to submit to God becomes clear. As for my children, my task is simple. When God gives me a command in Scripture, I must, without deliberation, argument, or resistance, immediately respond with a “yes, Lord.” He is the ultimate authority for children and dads alike.

Book Review: The Promises of God Storybook Bible

John Dalrymple — Tue, 26 Jan 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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If you have children or grandchildren under ten years old and you are committed to teaching them God’s Word, you probably have a collection of children’s storybook Bibles. In 2019, B&H Publishing released a storybook Bible by Jennifer Lyell and it has quickly become one of our family’s favorites.[^1]

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A Heart Focus

In addition to the thematic thread of God’s promises throughout the Bible, the author often focuses on the differences between a hard heart and a soft heart towards God, beginning with Adam and Eve after the Fall. Instead of making moralistic applications—“be brave and courageous like Daniel and David”— the author hopes that the emphasis on the heart will “plant the seed against legalism.”[^2]

There are many ways to explain salvation and gospel transformation to your kids, but in our home, we try to emphasize our kids’ need for a new, soft heart that only God can give. In the story titled “I Promise to Suffer” from Isaiah 53—a section of the Bible not regularly covered in children’s storybooks—the author concludes, “The whole Bible shows us that God keeps His promises and that those promises are possible because God came to suffer—all so we can be free from the punishment of sin and instead have hearts that love God!” (pg. 141)

A Helpful Format

The book is divided into 52 Bible stories that cover the promises of God throughout the Old and New Testaments. Each story includes a title and brief sentence explaining the significance of that promise. For example, “The Passover Promise: God will save His people through the blood of a spotless lamb.” The illustrations are beautiful and not childish or cartoonish. Having been to the Holy Land, I was glad to see the accurate depiction of Israel’s arid, desert landscape in many of the illustrations.

Selective Content

You may be surprised to find that many well-known Bible stories aren’t included in this storybook (e.g. David, Samson, Daniel, etc.). Instead of covering the periods of the judges and the kings in Israel, a few stories are dedicated to the prophets during that time, including Isaiah and Jeremiah. In addition, this book differs from most storybooks in that it spends seven stories focusing on Paul’s letters to various churches (Thessalonians, Corinthians, Galatians, Romans, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians).

Helpful Explanations

The book is designed to be read to 4–8 year old’s but the author does not shy away from complex topics like the trinity and even the Old Testament sacrificial system! When more unfamiliar words are used, the author provides a definition (e.g. “a plague is a really bad situation that overtakes a lot of people”). A few times while reading, I paused to explain something to my boys only to discover that the very next few sentences provided a clear explanation.

Review Questions

Another very helpful feature is the four review questions found at the end of each story. Most of these questions are simple observation questions (e.g. “What did God tell Abram and Sarai to do at the beginning of the story?”). However, sometimes one of the four questions will be directed towards the reader (e.g. “If God told you to go on a trip and leave your home, what would you take with you?”).

A Tragic Backstory

The author, Jennifer, has a very close relationship with her local church family and has served as a Sunday School teacher for many years.[^3]

The book dedication reads, “in loving memory and honor of Job Wilson Kemp to whom God is keeping all His promises.” Job was one of Jennifer’s inquisitive 4-year-old Sunday School students who tragically died just 13 months after finishing her class. At his memorial service as Job’s dad read Psalms 103 and blessed the Lord, Jennifer suddenly thought, “God’s promises are real. God’s promises are what establish us. God’s promises sustain us. I need to write the book.”[^4]

If you are looking for a children’s Bible storybook that is “conversational, whimsical, and biblically faithful,” consider adding The Promises of God Storybook Bible to your rotation of family devotion Bibles.

[^1]: Family favorites also include the <a href="https://www.sallylloyd-jones.com/books/jesus-storybook-bible/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jesus Storybook Bible</a> and <a href="https://www.crossway.org/group/big-picture-story-bible-series/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Big Picture Story Bible</a>. [^2]: Quote from <a href="https://www.familylife.com/podcast/familylife-today/a-book-children-can-grasp/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">this podcast episode</a>. [^3]: This valuable experience as a Sunday School teacher has resulted in a very “easy-to-teach” writing style. In fact, the 52-story format is probably designed with a Sunday School teacher’s use in mind. [^4]: You can read the complete story of the heart behind the book <a href="https://www.bhpublishinggroup.com/the-promises-of-god-storybook-bible/#author" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>.

Dads and Authority Part 2

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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<Note variant="info">This is the second article in a three-part series on dads and authority. In <a href="/dads-and-authority/" className="underline">part 1</a>, I discussed two implications of the fact that a father’s authority comes from God: 1) you must obey God, and 2) you must teach your kids to obey you (Eph 6:1–4). In part 2, I will discuss three additional reasons why it’s important to teach your kids to obey. <a href="/dads-and-authority-part-3/" className="underline">Part 3</a> will cover five additional safeguards against the abuse of parental authority.</Note>

One of my least-favorite responsibilities as a dad is disciplining my children. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather just feed them ice cream, play games, and wrestle all day long! However, there are many biblical reasons why it is essential that we train our kids to obey.

Most importantly, as was discussed in <a href="https://www.growingfathers.com/dads-and-authority/" target="_blank">part 1</a>, God commands us to do so (Eph 6:1–4). Also, training our kids to obey is gospel work in that it exposes their sin natures bent on self-rule and points them to their need to submit to the Savior as Lord (2 Cor 5:15). One day, our kids won't have us as their authority, but we want them to always submit to God's authority. These are the primary reasons that we teach our kids to obey.

However, in case you’re still not convinced, here are three additional reasons why training for obedience is important.

1. Obedience is foundational.

Obedience is the first lesson your children need to learn.

When God gives a command to children in the Bible, it is usually that they honor and obey their parents (Ex 20:12; Prov 1:8-9; 3:1-2; 4:1-4; Eph 6:1-3; Col 3:20). This means that submitting to authority is one of the most important lessons children and teens need to learn.

Some parents argue, “But if I always tell my kids what to do, they won’t develop discernment.” This argument is not without merit. Eventually, your children do need to learn discernment; however, they first need to learn submission.

Teachers often refer to Bloom’s Taxonomy and the levels of critical thinking. Remembering facts is the most basic level of critical thinking. Evaluating concepts, on the other hand, requires much more maturity. No teacher should be satisfied with students who merely regurgitate facts. However, if the students don’t learn the facts, they will not possess the tools necessary for application and analysis.

In the same way, no parent should be satisfied with teens who merely obey the rules. However, trying to teach discernment to rebellious teens is pointless. That is why learning to obey authority is a lesson best learned at a very young age.

Paul David Tripp goes so far as to say, “You could argue that if you don’t deal with this fundamental heart issue [the issue of submission to authority], all the good things you seek to accomplish as God’s tool in the life of your children will not work.”[^1] Obedience must come first!

We dads must understand very clearly what is at stake here. When your two-year-old throws a fit about eating her peas, don’t think for a minute that it’s ultimately about peas. It’s about who is in charge. Even if she’s unable to verbalize these words, your two-year-old is saying, “You’re not the boss of me.” In moments like these, we’re often tempted to throw up our hands and say, “It’s not worth it! After all, it’s just a couple of peas.” We must realize that it is about so much more! It is vital that you as a father win that battle—not for the sake of the peas—but for the sake of your daughter’s heart. Your daughter must learn to submit to authority, and you must teach her that lesson.

Obedience is foundational, because authority is a tremendous discipling tool.

Have you ever wondered why God gifted churches with pastors who serve as authorities?[^2] It is because discipleship is best fostered in the atmosphere of loving authority. If you have no authority over a person, you can still influence him, but your ability to disciple him will be limited.

Dads, God expects you to be more than just friends with your kids. He expects you to be the parent. But we surrender the tool of God-given authority when we fail to teach our children obedience.

We must teach our children to obey because obedience is foundational. Second, we must teach our kids to obey because obedience brings blessing.

2. Obedience brings blessing.

Ephesians 6:1-3 — Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

In Exodus 20:12 God promised to bless the honoring of parents. Fascinatingly, Paul applies this promise to New Testament Christians in Ephesians 6! This promise applies to us today!

In Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp refers to the “Circle of Blessing” or the “Circle of Safety.”[^3] I used this illustration with my daughter Anaya one time, and she has never forgotten the lesson. I drew a circle with a little stick figure of her inside it. I explained that God gives us commands in His word, including the command, “Children obey your parents.” When we “stay in the circle” of obedience, God promises to bless us and keep us safe. Next, on the outside of the circle, I drew a little lion. I explained that the devil is “like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour” (1 Pet 5:8). When we leave the circle of safety and blessing by disobeying God or our authorities, we open ourselves up to all kinds of dangers. Biblical discipline is God’s prescribed means for parents to guide their children back into that “circle of blessing.”

If we want our children to be blessed, we will teach them to obey. The third reason we must teach our children to obey is to prepare them for life.

3. Obedience prepares our children for life.

God’s word repeatedly emphasizes the importance of submitting to authorities. Besides bringing glory to God, submission also keeps us from harm’s way!

Ecclesiastes 8:2–5 — I say, “Keep the king’s commandment for the sake of your oath to God. Do not be hasty to go from his presence. Do not take your stand for an evil thing, for he does whatever pleases him.” Where the word of a king is, there is power; and who may say to him, “What are you doing?” He who keeps his command will experience nothing harmful; and a wise man’s heart discerns both time and judgment….

Matthew 22:21b — “Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”

Romans 13:3–4 — Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.

Titus 3:1 — Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work….

1 Peter 2:13–17 — Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men— as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God. Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.

The fact is that all of us are people under authority. You never outgrow the need to submit on one level or another. Even adults have to obey their bosses, abide by speed limits, and pay their taxes! If our kids don’t learn to submit now, they are in for a lot of pain.

In our society, authority on all levels is under attack.[^4] This means that as a Christian dad, demanding obedience from your children may be one of your more countercultural moves. However, it may also be one of the most important actions you take as a father. With God’s help, let’s train our children to obey.

[^1]: Paul David Tripp, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles that Can Radically Change Your Family (Wheaton: Crossway, 2016), 112. [^2]: Hebrews 13:17 – “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.” [^3]: Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 1995), 131. [^4]: 2020 clearly emphasized this fact.

Do Dads Need Friends?

Chris Pennington — Tue, 12 Jan 2021 00:00:00 GMT

“My wife is my best friend.” While there’s genuinely something precious about that statement, I fear it often means something more like, “My wife is my only friend.”

Adult male friendship is hard and many of us just don’t have friends.[^1] We can chat casually with other guys, discuss business, sports, family, politics, or church life, but for many of us, it never rises to anything resembling “friendship.” And so many men live life mostly alone, even though God created us to be relational.

A working definition

We probably all have different ideas of what makes a friend. If you think of a friend as someone you can share every detail of life with, then your wife probably should be the only friend you have. And if “friend” only means “someone I know,” then I’m not sure we’re thinking of the same thing.

For clarity, by “friend” I mean something like, “someone you share some part of life with, care for, confide in, depend on, and enjoy.”

Why do we struggle?

Why is it so hard to make friends for many guys? While there are, I’m certain, a host of sociological, cultural, and personal reasons, here are a few spiritual excuses I’ve noticed in myself.

“I don’t need help; I’m independent.”
“I’ve never seen male friendship modeled.”
“I don’t like being vulnerable.”
“I am strong enough.”
“I don’t want people to notice my shortcomings.”
“What if they don’t want to be friends?”
“I don’t have time for others.”
“I feel awkward pursuing male friends because of the homosexual community.”
“I’m afraid of losing friends, so I’d rather not have any.”
“I don’t know anyone who likes the things I like.”
“I want to focus on my own goals.”

These are only a few of my excuses and sinful responses to the topic of adult male friendship. Do any of them resonate with you? Believe it or not, the act of writing a list was very instructive. I’d encourage you to write out your own list of reasons you don’t pursue adult male friendship.

Proverbs and friendship

If you’re like most people, you probably haven’t seen healthy friendships between men. In our culture, when you say “adult male friendship,” most people think of guys who drink together and tell crude jokes.

In our churches it’s usually more wholesome, but equally devoid of true relationships. Think about it. When was the last time you reached out to a guy in your church for mere friendship? You didn’t need a tool, you didn’t have an agenda, you just wanted to spend time with him and see how he was doing?

So how do we pursue healthy friendships with other men if we haven’t seen it modeled? Let’s let God tell us. After all, he created us to be relational and dependent. Here are a few of God’s words to you in Proverbs:

1. It’s better to have a few real friends than a host of fair-weather friends.

Proverbs frequently references fair-weather friends (e.g., Proverbs 14:20; 19:4, 6, 7). These “friends” are often self-interested and lack tact (Proverbs 25:17, 29; 26:18–19; 27:15). But there are friends who stick with you through anything and love you at all times. Consistent faithfulness, then, is a mark of true friendship.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin,[^2] but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).

“Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away” (Proverbs 27:10).[^3]

2. Friends can help or hurt you, but they always affect you.

However much we may pretend we are independent and unaffected by others, that just isn’t the case. God made us to be communicative, relational beings. Your friends will change you—for good or ill.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20)

“The one who keeps the law is a son with understanding, but a companion of gluttons shames his father.” (Proverbs 28:7)

3. True friends do what’s best for you in the long term, even if it hurts you in the short term.

True friends act in your best interest. They’re open and straight-forward, not full of flattery (Proverbs 29:5). They’re willing to say the hard thing, even if it doesn’t earn them immediate praise (Proverbs 28:23).

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6)

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” (Proverbs 27:9)

4. Gossip is a poison that destroys close friendships.

The moment you hear or begin spreading gossip, the foundation of a friendship begins to erode. You may be tempted to gossip yourself or you may only be listening to gossip (from a friend or even in your home). Either way, you’re participating in something so strong that it can separate close friends.

“A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” (Proverbs 16:28)

“Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)

5. Good friends encourage you and appropriately disagree with you.

We dads need friends who encourage us, but we also need friends who will disagree with us. “A true friendship should have both elements, the reassuring and the bracing.”[^4]

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” (Proverbs 27:9)

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another [i.e., healthy disagreement between friends is good].” (Proverbs 27:17)

Some examples

I’m admittedly poor at developing and sustaining friendships. I can point to a host of reasons—“I’ve never seen it modeled,” “I moved regularly as a kid,” or “I didn’t have people my age growing up.” I needed some real flesh-and-blood examples, and in God’s kindness, he’s given me several friends in the last few years who have taught me what it means to be a good friend. Here are some of the ways they’ve been a good friend to me:

Even though we live across the country from each other, I have two friends in particular who make an effort to stay in touch. They call me every couple of months just to shoot the breeze.
My friends regularly ask how they can pray for me. Then they pray and tell me they’ve been praying for me.
They send me articles, books, podcasts, and the like they think I’ll enjoy.
They’re good listeners. When we talk, they often ask a lot of questions and then just sit there and listen.
They confront me in gentle directness when needed. I can think of one time in particular when I needed correcting for something I said. My friend was both direct and incredibly compassionate, calling out my error and gently leading me back to Christ.
They're comfortable in silence. They don't always have a word to say or some piece of wisdom to share. Sometimes they just sit there and enjoy life together.
My friends are faithful examples in their churches and are always encouraging me to do the same. They’re invested in other people, open their homes to others, and quite literally plan their weeks and vacations around other people.
My friends share their love for Christ and dream aloud to me, telling me what they hope to see God do through their lives.
My friends openly share their own struggles and ask for prayer. They’re humble and fervent to kill sin.
My friends encourage me to be faithful to my wife and to invest in her. They’ll often ask me about her and about my kids, encouraging me to pour my time into them. One of my friends almost always ends our conversations by saying, “Alright, go cherish your wife and your kids. Thanks for chatting.”
Many of my friends have rich devotional lives and are always sharing what they read that morning.

I hope those brief examples give you some ideas. We all want good friends, but today God is asking you to be a good friend. Take one of the examples above and reach out to someone today. Do you have any other examples you’d like to share? Add a comment below!

[^1]: In our culture, it’s a given that guys struggle making friends. In the last week, I’ve heard a national radio program explore the topic and saw several commercials playing off this reality. [^2]: Amongst English translations, there are a variety of opinions as to the sense of this first phrase. My focus here is primarily on the last part of the verse, but the verse as a whole seems to be setting up a contrast and means something like, "People who have lots of fair-weather friends may be broken by life, but those with true friends navigate the hardest of times together." [^3]: Notice that we’re not to think of receiving good friends only, but also of being a good, faithful friend. [^4]: Derek Kidner, Proverbs: An Introduction and Commentary, p. 42.

3 Habits to Cultivate in the New Year

John Pate — Tue, 05 Jan 2021 00:00:00 GMT

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What will make this a successful year? If you pay attention to social media or American culture, you’ll find quite a bit of optimism about 2021. Everyone seems to agree that it’s going to be a great year. The reasons vary, but it typically comes down to the simple fact that this year is not 2020. I too am excited about this year, but I’m also trying to remember that nothing magical happened last Thursday night at midnight.

Still, I think we’d all like to see some personal and family success this year. What do we as dads need to do in order for 2021 to be a “good year”? Your natural tendency might be to aim big. If this year is to be noteworthy, you’re going to need to accomplish some pretty big things, maybe in the form of a job promotion, the establishment of a new ministry, or an epic getaway for the family.

There’s nothing wrong with big goals. But as believers in Jesus Christ, we are called to a different strategy. Author and Pastor Zack Eswine observes that we often aim to accomplish “large, famous things fast” when in reality it’s the “small, overlooked graces over long periods of time” that lead to accomplishments that truly matter.[^1]

Our daily habits over the next twelve months will shape 2021 in a way far greater than even the most commendable of our more lofty goals. With that in mind, let’s take a look at three simple, but powerful habits that every believing dad should cultivate this year. For each habit, we’ll not only examine the habit itself; we’ll also observe how that habit accesses the powerful grace of God.

Habit #1—Read

This year, every believing dad should daily read portions of God’s Word. This habit is probably one you’ve already thought about, and chances are, you’ve already begun. That’s awesome! Don’t stop. If you haven’t yet begun a plan to read some or all of the Bible this year, all you need to do is google “Bible Reading Plans” and you’ll have more than enough plans to choose from.

As we read our Bibles this year, we will behold our Savior on its pages, and His Spirit will transform us into His image. Do you want to be more like Christ this year? Read your Bible every day. Here are a few considerations to keep in mind:

Read in a quiet room without your phone. Quiet rooms are sometimes hard to come by, so try to find a time when your family is either occupied or sleeping.
Pray for the Holy Spirit to turn His beam on whatever passage you’re reading. In order for your Bible reading to be more than black words on white paper, He’s going to need to illuminate your heart with its meaning.
Read with the Bible’s entire story in mind. The Bible is a story about how God saves sinful people through the God-man Jesus Christ. Before you start reading, make sure you’re oriented to that story.[^2]
Look for Jesus. When you’re in the Old Testament, He will be present in types, prophecies, or shadows. In the New Testament, the gospels announce that Jesus has come. And the rest of the New Testament tells us what it all means and how we should respond.
Exclaim with your pen. As you read you’ll probably find some things that stand out. Keep a pen handy so you can underline those verses or even jot down a quick note in the margin. These simple actions have a unique way of etching the truth of Scripture onto your heart.

Why read your Bible every day? The children’s song explains, “You’ll grow, grow, grow!” As we behold the glory of the Lord, we “are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:18). The growth may be incremental and slow, but God has promised: you will grow.

I once heard an elderly pastor relate that, for the last several decades of his life, he had read fifteen chapters of his Bible every day. He noted that it hadn’t always been exciting, like a palate-stimulating dessert. Instead, it had felt more like a daily serving of meat and potatoes for the purpose of simply living and growing. And over time, little by little, his (rather large) daily serving of “meat and potatoes” had been transforming him into the image of Jesus Christ.

It’s the little things over the long haul that make the biggest difference.

Habit #2—Pray

It is difficult to behold the glory of Jesus in the Bible without responding back to God with praise and petition. If Bible reading is breathing in, then prayer is breathing out. A Christian who does one to the exclusion of the other will pass out spiritually.

For this reason, every believing dad should commit to regularly come to God in prayer this year.

The reformer John Calvin divided prayer into two categories: we petition God because we are so needy and we thank God because He is so great.[^3] As dads, we know well how weak we can be, but do we know God’s strength? Through prayer we access the “God of all grace” (1 Peter 5:10), who also happens to be our Father. Here are two aspects of God’s grace accessed through prayer.

Prayer is fellowship. David Mathis observes that “prayer . . . is not merely talking to God, but responding to the One who has initiated toward us. He has spoken first. This is not a conversation we start, but a relationship into which we’ve been drawn.”[^4] God has made some grand promises to those who seek Him in this way, such as “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).
Prayer is effective. In God’s inscrutable sovereignty, He has ordained to use our prayer to accomplish His purpose. Yes, prayer is a command, but it also comes with a promise. “Ask, and it will be given to you” (Matthew 7:7). “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you” (Psalm 50:15). “When he calls to me, I will answer him” (Psalm 91:15). “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16). John Calvin remarks, “Some . . . are impressed by the fact that the prayers of the saints were often answered. Why was that? Naturally it was because they prayed.”[^5]

Do you need strength this year? Do you want your children to grow? If so, you must regularly pray. Perhaps consider implementing a new habit, such as kneeling three times a day to pray.[^6] It can also be a great help to pray with an open Bible in front of you, responding to what God is communicating to you.[^7] In addition to regular times of prayer, try talking to God throughout your day, in the shower, as you’re driving, while you’re working on a project. Continually bring your needs and your loved ones before “the God of all grace.”

This may seem like a little habit, but, over the long haul, it will make a big difference.

Habit #3—Tell

Every believing dad must participate in Christ’s Great Commission this year by telling the good news to both believers and unbelievers alike.

What is the Great Commission?

“And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you’” (Matthew 28:18–20a).

It’s possible that you hadn’t thought much about this habit yet. You also may be wondering what evangelism has to do with growing fathers. Honestly, everything. A growing father is called by Christ to be a disciple-maker, not just of his family, but of others as well. If you want to bear fruit this year, then you must seek to faithfully make disciples as Christ commanded.

What does it mean to make disciples? If a disciple is a follower of Christ, then making disciples is simply helping someone else follow Christ. This involves an investment of time and words. We prayerfully discipline ourselves to spend time with those who need to hear the gospel, and we speak the truth of the gospel to them in love.

In his work on spiritual disciplines, Donald Whitney notes that

“Evangelism is a natural outflow of the Christian life. We should all be able to talk about what the Lord has done for us and what He means to us. But evangelism is also a Discipline in that we must discipline ourselves to get into the context of evangelism, that is, we must not just wait for witnessing opportunities to happen.”[^8]

For a dad, this discipline will involve the following:

Intercession. Scroll through your contact list and jot down the names of those for whom you have a particular burden. As a part of your daily prayer, pray that God would send someone to share the good news with them. Pray for boldness in case He picks you.
Investment of Time. Block out a portion of your weekly schedule and label it “Great Commission.” During this time, look for opportunities to meet people and tell them about Jesus.
Immersion in the Gospel. Think of a topic in which you’re decently conversant. How did you get to that point? It’s possible that you either spent a good deal of time immersed in the details of that topic or you had a personal experience that provided a crash-course—or both. If you’re a believer, you’ve already experienced the message of the gospel first-hand. As you immerse yourself in the details of the gospel, however, you will become even more comfortable with its truths, to the point where discussing it out loud feels more natural.[^9]
Inclusion of your Family. Disciple-makers in the early church rarely “went it alone.” Include your family in your evangelism. Open up your home to those in need. Include an unbelieving friend on one of your family outings. Pray with your children for those who need Jesus. Including your family in your disciple-making will increase your own excitement in evangelism.

Where’s God’s grace in this habit? Interestingly, Jesus includes it as part of the commission: “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b). As you obey Christ’s command to make disciples, you will also experience the promise of His presence.

Not only that, but, as we help others follow Christ, we ourselves learn to follow Him better. Mathis notes that “good disciplemaking is always a two way street.”[^10] As you invest your time and energy to make disciples this year, you will find your own belief in the gospel bolstered and your walk with God strengthened.

This may seem like a small habit. But here’s what Jesus promised: “Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). How does “bearing much fruit” this year sound? It’s not going to happen in your own strength. Instead, as you access God’s grace through these simple habits, He will bear much fruit in and through you.

It’s the little things over the long haul that make the biggest difference.

[^1]: Zack Eswine, “The Imperfect Pastor” (Sermon, TGC Indianapolis, Castleview Church, 10/13/20). [^2]: Using a study Bible such as the Gospel Transformation Study Bible can offer some help in this area. [^3]: John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, trans. Robert White (Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust, 2014), 534–35. [^4]: David Mathis, Habits of Grace: Enjoying Jesus through the Spiritual Disciplines (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2016), 94. [^5]: Calvin, 534. [^6]: For a helpful explanation of how this habit could work, see Justin Earley, The Common Rule: Habits of Purpose for an Age of Distraction (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2019), 31–46. [^7]: A great resource for this practice is Donald Whitney’s Praying the Bible (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2015). [^8]: Donald Whitney, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1991), 106. [^9]: A great place to start is Greg Gilbert’s What is the Gospel? (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2010). [^10]: Mathis, 199.

Dad Goals—Jonathan Edwards Style

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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When he was about 19 years old, theologian Jonathan Edwards wrote a famous list of resolutions, which he updated throughout his life. His list includes 70 goals, some of which are almost impossibly daunting! Take, for instance, the following examples:

“Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God….”
“Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.”
“Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.”

Perhaps you’re not as ambitious as Jonathan Edwards; however, as we approach the new year, you might be making some resolutions yourself. What changes should you make to be a more Christlike dad this year? What habits do you need to replace? How will you redeem the time?

May I suggest 10 “Christian dad goals” for 2021, Jonathan Edwards-style?

<Note variant="info">Some goals may apply to you and others may not. Scripture references are included in parenthesis after each goal for the sake of further study.</Note>

“Resolved, to read God’s Word and pray every day as a matter of habit, availing myself of God’s empowering grace to lead and disciple my kids and to become more like Jesus (Josh 1:8; Ps 1:2-3; 119:9, 11; John 17:17; 2 Cor 3:18; 2 Tim 3:16-17).”
“Resolved, to invest my energies in my church (or join a church), so that my wife and kids will see me submitting to God, and so that my family can grow through biblical teaching and fellowship (Acts 2:41-47; Eph 4:11-16; Col 3:16; Heb 10:24-25).”
“Resolved, to eat well and exercise regularly, so that I am in shape to be a good leader (1 Cor 6:19-20; 9:27; 1 Thess 5:23).”
“Resolved, to spend more quality time with my wife and to pray more together (Eph 5:25-33; Col 4:2; 1 Pet 3:7).”
“Resolved, to put off lust and sexual sin in all forms, including pornography and masturbation, and to ask a mentor to hold me accountable in this area (Job 31:1; Prov 5:1-23; 6:20-35; 7:1-27; Eccl 4:9-12; Mat 5:27-30; 1 Cor 6:9-20; 1 Thess 4:2-8).”
“Resolved, to lead my family in regular Bible reading, singing, and prayer (i.e., ‘family worship’ or ‘family devotions’; Deut 6:4-7, 20-25; Ps 78:4, 6-7; Eph 6:4).”
“Resolved, to seek to restore broken relationships by pursuing and forgiving those who have wronged me and confessing my sins (Matt 5:21-26; 7:1-5; 18:15-35; Rom 12:17-21; Eph 4:31-32; Ja 5:16).”
“Resolved, to put off sinful anger, especially against my wife and my children (Ps 37:8; Prov 14:29; 15:1; 25:28; 29:11; Eph 4:26-27; 6:4; Col 3:19, 21; Jam 1:19-20).”
“Resolved, never to avoid disciplining my children because I am too lazy (1 Sam 2:27-34; Prov 13:24; 29:17; Heb 12:5-11).”
“Resolved, to waste less time on my phone or watching TV and invest more in my children–working, learning, playing, and building memories together (Deut 6:4-7; Mat 7:7-12; John 15:12-13; Eph 6:4).”

Ephesians 4:13 describes the goal of the Christian life: “Till we all come to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.” God wants to change you, little by little, to be more like Jesus. How can you grow to be more like Him this year?

If this article was an encouragement, consider setting aside time in the next couple of days to write some parenting goals of your own. Get alone with a Bible, pen, and paper, and pray for God’s wisdom. When you are done, pray over your goals again to ask for God’s help. If you think you’ll be tempted not to follow through, show your goals to a friend.

Let’s be serious about growing as fathers this year!

(Feel free to share your dad goals for this year in the comments below.)

Is There Peace on Earth?

John Dalrymple — Tue, 22 Dec 2020 13:46:30 GMT

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On December 1, 1863, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was eating dinner in his home in Cambridge, Massachusetts when he received a telegram that his oldest son had been seriously wounded. 18-year-old Charley had left the family to join the union army about 9 months earlier and had been shot through the shoulder during a skirmish near Washington D.C.

As soon as Henry heard the news, he traveled to Washington. The army surgeon delivered the devastating news that the surgery would be serious and could result in paralysis because the injury was so near his son’s spine.

This wasn’t the first family trauma Henry had experienced. Less than two years earlier, Henry woke up from a nap to find his wife’s dress had caught on fire. He used a rug and then his own body to put out the flames for which he received facial burns, but his wife had already suffered severe injuries and she died the next morning. Henry was not even able to attend his wife’s funeral because of the burns to his face.

As Justin Taylor writes, “On Christmas day, 1863, Longfellow—a 57-year-old widowed father of six children, the oldest of which had been nearly paralyzed as his country fought a war against itself—wrote a poem^1 seeking to capture the dynamic and dissonance in his own heart and the world he observed around him. He heard the Christmas bells that December day and the singing of “peace on earth,” but he observed the world of injustice and violence that seemed to mock the truthfulness of this optimistic outlook.”[^2]

<div class="post-poetry"> And in despair I bowed my head;

“There is no peace on earth,” I said;

“For hate is strong, and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!” </div>

Perhaps you would bow your head in despair and say the same this Christmas season. Maybe you don’t have an injured child or you haven’t lost your wife, but 2020 fills you with despair. You may look out at our country that seems torn apart by hate and conclude, “there is no peace on earth.” Maybe there’s a lack of peace within the walls of your house or within your own heart.

What does it mean that God brought peace to earth when the world appears to be in such turmoil?

1. Jesus’ birth was the arrival of peace

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” Luke 2:14

As the shepherds watched in amazement, the angels shared the good news of great joy and praised God for the peace that had finally arrived in the birth of the baby, Jesus Christ.

But how can a baby bring peace for sinful men?

2. Jesus’s death made peace with God possible

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:1

Jesus’ made “peace by the blood of his cross.” (Colossians 1:20) He took our death penalty on the cross so that all who place their faith in Him find eternal peace with God.

But what about those of us who have peace with God by faith and yet still fight anxiety, fear, and worry on a daily basis?

3. Jesus’ presence brings peace in our hearts

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:26-27

Jesus has just finished telling His disciples that He is going away and they cannot come with Him. Understandably, they are troubled and scared--like a child whose parent is about to leave them. And so, Jesus calms their fears and speaks these words, “Let not your hearts be troubled.” He explains that he will return and that while He is gone His presence and His peace will continue to be with them through the Holy Spirit.

In a world that offers personal peace through enlightenment, entertainment, meditation, fitness, and vacations, we know that true peace is not found in possessions or pleasure, but in a person; Jesus. And He says that His presence will continue with His disciples until His return to earth.

4. Jesus’ commission is to herald the message of peace

“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.” (Isaiah 52:7)

Jesus has chosen us as messengers of peace. We are commissioned to herald the good news to those living in the kingdom of darkness. Our feet are fitted with readiness to go out and share the gospel of peace (Eph. 6:15).

5. Jesus’ church is called to maintain peace

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility.” Eph. 2:13-14

In Ephesians 2, Paul is addressing Gentile believers who were at one time separated from Christ, alienated from God’s people and strangers to the covenants of promise. However, in the body of Christ there is no division based on ethnicity or status. Paul goes on to charge the church at Ephesus to be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Eph. 4:3)

True Peace

If you are struggling with anxiety this Christmas season and you want your family to experience true peace, remember that:

1. Peace comes from faith (John 14:1)

If you look around the world today without faith in God’s protection, promises and goodness, you will have great fear. You will fear for the safety of your child who just got his driver’s license or just started her first job. You will be anxious about the stock market, the federal government, and your physical health.

True peace comes when you are rooted and grounded in faith. Trusting that God is sovereign and in control.

2. Peace comes from prayer (Philippians 4:6–7)

Prayer isn’t always peaceful—it can be warfare. Sometimes prayer is filled with turmoil and agony, just as it was for Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane before His crucifixion. But as we learn to truly cast our burdens upon Him with hearts of gratitude and dependence, prayer really can produce peace that “surpasses all understanding.”

3. Peace comes from knowing that Jesus is alive and He is coming again (John 14:3)

We can have peace today because Jesus is no longer in the grave. He is alive and coming again to take us home with Him. There is a special peace that comes when we rejoice in Jesus’ resurrection and joyfully anticipate His second coming.

As Henry Wadsworth Longfellow listened to the bells on Christmas day, he bowed his head in despair and said to himself, “there is no peace on earth.” But in the final verse, he found a glimmer of hope in the confidence that Christ is alive and coming again one day to establish His kingdom of peace forever.

<div class="post-poetry"> Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The Wrong shall fail, the Right prevail,

With peace on earth, good-will to men.” </div>

[^2]: <a href="https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justin-taylor/the-story-of-pain-and-hope-behind-i-heard-the-bells-on-christmas-day/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Story of Pain and Hope Behind “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”</a>

Nurture Your Family’s Wonder

Tim Lovegrove — Tue, 15 Dec 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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It seems self-evident that the more a person matures the more he will marvel at God's created blessings. But who seems to marvel more: you or your children?

Consider my two-year old. Watch her eyes open wide and her little body jump up and down. See her jaw drop. Hear her burst of exclamation. What marvel has she just seen? It might have been an ant on the sidewalk or a cat under the neighbor's car. Maybe she's just heard the news that her friend is coming over to play or that we're having pizza for dinner. It doesn't take much to amaze her because her days, like those of nearly any small child, are full of wonder.

Of course her days also include plenty of fussing and whining, skills that don't have to be taught to her sinful heart. It's easy to place my fatherly attention on addressing and correcting those things, praying that God will change her heart.

But her childlike wonder needs my fatherly attention too. What is actually self-evident is that our wonder, if not nurtured, tends to wither away. Our natural tendency is to become weary, cynical adults, and the lack of wonder can start early: teens and even tweens can be very difficult to impress.

Does this have serious spiritual implications? It certainly does. After all, the prophets foretold that the Messiah would be wonderful (Isaiah 9:6). This Hebrew word often refers to what is so extraordinary and astonishing that we cannot help but cry out in amazement. The word is used when we are told that we should marvel at God’s salvation, His defense of His people, His skill in our personal creation, His understanding of us, His plans for us, His loyal love to us, and His Word to us (Exodus 15:11; Psalm 40:5; 91:1, 3; 119:18, 27, 129; 136:4; 139:1-3, 6, 13-14). In the New Testament we learn that through Jesus God has called us out of darkness into his marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).

On a more mundane level, “everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving” (1 Timothy 4:4). “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). A mature Christian continues to marvel sunrise after sunrise, song after song, meal after meal, at God’s marvelous gifts and goodness.

If these things are true, then our children’s natural ability to wonder is something for a growing father to nurture. Our desire is that their ability to be amazed by candy and kitties might mature into a deep wonder at their amazing God and worshipful marvel at His saving love for them.

To begin nurturing your family’s wonder, begin with your own. Model amazement. Remember that there is nothing spiritually mature about being cynical or hard-to-impress! Slow down enough to marvel at God’s created blessings, and don’t be afraid to let your family see your amazement at big things and (especially) little things. Then come to God’s Word looking to be amazed. Resist the tendency to look at the Bible in trivial or purely academic ways. “Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law” (Psalm 119:18). Feed your own heart on the astonishing miracles, power, and promises recorded there, then let your family see your amazement at God’s Word.

Then you can begin to more directly nurture your family’s wonder:

Slow down enough to grant them opportunities to marvel at things like music, art, and nature. Don’t succumb to the culture’s frantic rush to the next thing.
Train them to see past the hype and hubris of technology and media to recognize things that are truly and deeply amazing.
Remind them why the world is full of wonders. (Genesis 1:31; James 1:17)
Make sure they understand why wonderful things bring them joy. Marvel at God’s created skill in our bodies and souls that enables us to enjoy things like color and sight, music and hearing, textures and touch. (Psalm 139:13-14)
Teach them that their amazement is so important that it reaches into heaven, where God is glorified through them. (1 Corinthians 10:31)
Encourage them to make wonder a lifelong pursuit for the glory of God, resisting the tendency to become hardened and cynical.

As you nurture your family’s wonder, never lose sight of the gospel. Remember the startling admonition Jesus gave to His disciples: “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” (Luke 10:19-20) Don’t let them ever forget how amazed you are that God would save you. In the process, you’ll be preparing them for the day of all days, that day when Jesus comes again “to be marveled at among all who have believed.” (2 Thessalonians 1:10).

A Very Old Testament Christmas

Chris Pennington — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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I always had a hard time sleeping on Christmas Eve! One year, my siblings and I all crawled out of our beds in the early hours of Christmas morning. It couldn't have been much past 4:00.

We were allowed to open our Christmas stockings when we woke up, and since it was technically Christmas, we wasted no time. My youngest brother couldn't get one of his candies open, so he asked each of us older siblings. When he was promptly ignored, he decided to ask my parents.

What would you do if your kid was standing at your bed at 4am asking you to open his candy? Well, you can imagine.

Christmas is the culmination of so much waiting for little hearts. It's inherent in the season. And it turns out that anticipating Christmas is a very Old Testament thing to do.

When does the story begin?

When does the story of Christmas begin? In a very real sense, it begins with the first telling of the gospel in Genesis 3:15.

I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.”

When God promised the coming of the Christ, we started anticipating Christmas. This very first promise set the expectation. God would send a real flesh-and-blood person to set all things right and crush the evil one. Ever since that day in the Garden, the entire creation leaned forward in anticipation for the snake-crusher to arrive.

How does the story develop?

The story of the Old Testament is the story of God fulfilling that original promise. It is the story of how God preserves the promise of Christmas, the promise of the Messiah. As the story progresses, God fills out his promise, declaring that the promised Seed would come through Abraham.

And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing . . . . in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed . . . . Then the LORD appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.” (Genesis 12:2–3, 7; cf. Galatians 3:16)

As threats rise, God preserves the line, further cementing his commitment to the promise. Here's a very brief overview of God's early interventions to preserve his promise:

God delivers Isaac with a substitute (Genesis 22:12–18)
God feeds and preserves Jacob’s family (Genesis 50:20)
God miraculously defeats the Egyptians (Exodus 14:14, 26–28)
God sustains the Israelites with manna (Exodus 16:4–5)

God further specifies his promise, revealing to David that the Messiah would come through his line (2 Samuel 7:12–16). The drama that unfolds is incredible! The promise of God sometimes hangs on an impossible defeat of a global empire (Isaiah 37:36–38) and sometimes on a single infant being whisked away from slaughter at the last moment (2 Chronicles 22:11–12)!

But God continues to guard his promise through famine and feast, rise and fall, freedom and captivity. Why does the Old Testament follow the Israelite line? Because God's fidelity, his trustworthiness, hangs on the promise of the Messiah.

How does the story culminate?

The major question at the end of the Old Testament is singular: “When will God send the Messiah?”

The anticipation builds to a crescendo as God's final spokesmen start pointing to the Messiah's coming (e.g., Isaiah 40:3, Micah 5:2–5, etc.). Indeed, the whole Old Testament leans forward, anticipating the Promised One and the New Testament opens with this pronouncement: “the Messiah is here!” Mary proclaims that God has "remembered his mercy" (Luke 1:53), Zechariah prophesies that God has "shown the mercy promised to our fathers" (Luke 1:72), Simeon awaits the “consolation of Israel” (Luke 2:25), and Anna is awaiting the "redemption of Jerusalem" (Luke 2:38).

Christmas bursts on the scene like a sunrise because they had to wait through the night (Luke 1:78–79).

How waiting transforms Christmas

For centuries, many Christian traditions have celebrated a season called Advent (the word comes from a Latin word meaning "coming"). During this season of waiting for Christmas, many have observed prayer, fasting, and the like.[^1]

You can take or leave historical Advent ceremonies and traditions, but if you miss the intention of the Advent season, your rejoicing on Christmas will lack the depth it could have.[^2]

As we approach Christmas Day, lead your family in planned moments of Christian anticipation for the Messiah. Labor over your need for a Savior, over your hopelessness without Christ, over the agony of unanswered injustice, or over the need for the Kingdom of God to be fully realized. Here are a few ideas:

Take a night a week (e.g., Sunday nights?) and focus on our need for a Messiah like Jesus. What is it believers longed for in the coming Messiah?[^3]
As you approach Christmas Day, read Old Testament passages with your family that looked forward to the Messiah.[^4]
As a family, gather your hurts, cares, and needs and bring them to God. As we anticipate the coming of the Savior, we should lean into our pain and bring it to him. After all, his coming will wipe away every tear, quench every pain, and destroy death itself!
Sing or listen to advent songs like O Come, O Come, Emmanual or Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus, which describe anticipating the coming of Jesus.
Sing, talk, read, and pray about Jesus’s reason for coming, his substitutionary death on behalf of all of us who were destined for darkness.
Talk about Jesus’s return (i.e., the second advent). What do you long for? Why do we need him to return? What wrongs will he make right? What joys will we experience? What peace will he bring?
Make Christmas a day of celebrating what you've been waiting for all month. As you gather your needs through the month, your desires for a Messiah like Jesus, you'll have quite a list. On Christmas, you can read through your list and rejoice together that Jesus has come and will come again to bring the Kingdom of God fully into view!

May the season of preparation make the dawning of Christmas morning about more than presents in your home.

[^1]: It's traditionally celebrated for the four weeks before Christmas. It begins the fourth Sunday prior to Christmas. This year (2020), that's last Sunday, November 29th. [^2]: For more on why celebrating Advent can benefit your family, see <a href="https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/seven-reasons-to-celebrate-advent" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Seven Reasons to Celebrate Advent</a> by Ryan Shelton at Desiring God. [^3]: As an example, one week you can focus on why we need a perfect King; one week you can focus on why he need a spotless Priest; another week you can describe how we need a Judge who will make all things right; one week you can talk about Jesus as the perfect Prophet of God.

Make Christmas Meaningful for Your Family

John Pate — Tue, 01 Dec 2020 15:45:36 GMT

import Callout from '@/components/blogPost/Callout.astro';

My family put up our Christmas tree a little early this year. I forgot that it would be challenging. I had big plans for the final product and intended to see it through. I added a few little helpers to the mix, however, and things began to fall apart. Ornaments went up in the wrong places, my helpers weren’t cooperating, and I grew frustrated. I was just trying to make Christmas special for my family, but this didn’t feel special. At that moment I wasn’t even sure I liked Christmas all that much.

I knew Christmas is all about the incarnation of our Savior, but it sometimes seems that it’s the traditions, the lights, the activities that really make it special and memorable for my children.

I retreated to the yard for a few minutes and began furiously raking leaves. Thankfully, the Lord brought to my mind a portion of Philippians 2: “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”

Ultimately, Christmas will be meaningful to my children, not because the tree is perfect or because of the exciting lineup of December activities. Christmas will be meaningful to them as they see their dad think and act like the incarnate Christ Himself. A dad who thinks and acts like Christ is actually putting the Christmas message on display for his family.

How do we do that, though? You may purpose to think and act more like Christ this Christmas season only to find yourself unchanged. Your heart attitudes and actions may remain the same. Hear me carefully. If you try to follow Christ’s example in your own strength, you will not succeed.

In Philippians 2:1–11, however, we find not only a command to serve like Christ; we also find the means and the method to do so.

United with the Incarnate Christ

In the late 19th century, a little book entitled In His Steps became a bestseller. The characters in this novel are prompted to ask a simple question about every choice they face: “What would Jesus do?” That question has made its way into the very fabric of American Christianity over the last century, showing up on bracelets and t-shirts with the acrostic, “WWJD.”

Philippians 2, however, urges us to ask, not “What would Jesus do?” but rather “What did Jesus do?” What Jesus did for you 2000 years ago has everything to do with how you are to serve others today.

In verse 1, Paul reminds the Philippians of their union with their Savior, Jesus Christ: “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy . . . ” Then again, in verse 5, he reminds them of the change that has taken place due to their union with Christ: “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”

Christ certainly gives us an example to follow, but he also does much more than that. As a Christ-follower, I have been united with the one who came to earth to seek and to save. It is that union, and that alone, that enables me to serve others. I will not serve like Christ if I do not first think like Christ. And I will not think like Christ unless I am first united with Christ.

Let me explain it this way. Let’s say I determine I would like to fly like a Boeing-747. So, I head out to the tarmac, stand beside the plane, watch carefully, and then seek to imitate. My efforts will fall woefully short of actual flight. But, if I change my tactic and head inside the plane, not only will I fly, but my flight will simply be an extension of the plane’s flight.

It is my union with the incarnate Christ that will change the way I think and act toward others, including my family.

So, if you want to make this Christmas season memorable for your family, the first question you need to ask is, “What did Jesus do for me?”

The Mind of Christ

As you answer that question, you will begin to see the mind of Christ—or how Christ thinks. Take a few moments and read through the following verses from Philippians 2. Read them at least three times to let the truths really sink in. This is what Paul describes as the “mind of Christ.” In other words, this is how Jesus thinks:

“Who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

How does Jesus think? His mindset is one of sacrificial service. Though He is fully God, He did not cling to His deity like a toddler clings to the top of a slide. Instead, He emptied Himself by becoming God’s human servant. The One who created the stars became a baby sleeping under those very stars. The One who made man in his own likeness was born in the likeness of men.

Jesus’ mindset did not end there, however. Following the prophecy given in Isaiah 53, God’s Servant bore the curse of sin to the point of death, a cruel, torturous death on a wooden cross. But the servant was never to remain in the grave (see Isaiah 53:12). He was raised and exalted in order to reconcile you and me to Himself and restore our rightful worship. It was your Savior’s delight to sacrifice Himself so that you could be united with Him.

This is how Jesus thinks.

At some point in time, my own goodwill and love toward my family will fail. But Christ’s eternal, incarnational, self-sacrificial love will never fail. If I get down on the floor to help my son clean up his spill, it’s not because I’m a good dad. It is because Jesus loved me enough to become a man and save my soul.

The Same Mind

Here is where Paul gets practical. Now that we’ve seen the mind of Christ, Paul calls you to have that same mind.

He says it twice: “[be] of the same mind” (v. 2) and “have this mind among yourselves” (v. 5). What mind? Christ’s mind.

We are not called simply to think like Christ; we are called to think with Christ, to think His thoughts after Him. Jesus wants to think and act through you. How does Jesus think about your family? Now think those same thoughts.

For example, take the name of one of your children, and insert it in the following sentences:

Jesus loved enough to leave heaven’s glories for him/her.
Jesus loved enough to be laid in an animal’s feeding trough for him/her.
Jesus loved so much that He lived a humble, often painful, yet sinless, human life for him/her.
Jesus had so much compassion for that He endured the cross for him/her.
Jesus desired ’s worship so much that He died, was buried, and was raised to the Father’s right hand.

The Christmas story is a vivid reminder of how Jesus thinks about your family. And He has commanded you to think the same way.

How is this mindset going to play out? Philippians 2:3–4 fleshes this mindset out in everyday life: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

What might this look like? Maybe some of the following:

Less time in the garage pursuing your own hobbies and more time with your kids helping them pursue their hobbies
Fewer thoughtless criticisms of your family and more words of praise
Less focus on everything being “Dad’s way” and more sensitivity to the desires of your family
Less readiness to share your own opinion and more readiness to listen to the opinions of others
Fewer arguments and more apologies
Less readiness to attack and more desire to reconcile

Christmas on Display

If, this Christmas, you allow Jesus to serve your family through you, your family will catch a glimpse of the true meaning of the incarnation in action. Far more meaningful than any holiday décor, the true Christmas message can be on display in your life.

Your task this Christmas (and all year round) is not just to help your family have a good time. You have been placed in your home to show your family just how amazing your Savior is. You represent Him.

David: Great King Lousy Dad

John Dalrymple — Tue, 24 Nov 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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As you read through the Old Testament, you encounter dozens of men who may have been recognized for their faith in God but failed miserably at fatherhood.[^1] Lot offered his daughters to wicked men in Sodom and then committed incest (Gen. 19:8, 36), Isaac and Jacob showed favoritism (Gen. 25:28; 37:3), and the sons of both Eli and Samuel did not fear God (1 Sam. 2:12, 22; 8:3). Although children are ultimately responsible for their sinful decisions, we can learn some important lessons from these fathers who failed in various areas of parenting.

King David is known as a “man after God’s own heart,” but even he made several parenting decisions that had disastrous consequences. Here are three parenting principles we can glean from David’s shortcomings as a father.

1. Discipline for sin (2 Samuel 13).

In this outrageous story, David unintentionally facilitated the rape of his daughter Tamar by sending her to care for her immoral half-brother Amnon. Although David was angry about Amnon’s evil actions, he did nothing to correct him. Perhaps he showed favoritism for his eldest son, or maybe he lacked the courage to administer justice on the heels of his own lust and immorality with Bathsheba. Whatever the case, his failure to appropriately discipline his son paved the way for more sin in his household.

If you truly love your children, you will correct them promptly and consistently. Proverbs 3:12 says, “The Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” The Bible even goes so far as to say that any parent who refuses to discipline their children actually hates them (Prov. 13:24). If your default personality leads you to overlook offenses in the home, remember that sin leads to bondage (John 8:34) and death (James 1:15). Consistent and patient discipline is actually more loving than ignoring your child’s sin.

It’s important to note here that discipline is not a method of venting your frustration when your child does wrong or annoys you. It is intended for your child’s well-being. Also, discipline involves more than mere correction for wrong. It includes training your child to do what is right.

2. Pursue restoration (2 Samuel 14).

After Absalom took matters into his own hands and avenged the rape of his sister Tamar by murdering Amnon, he fled to live with his grandfather, the king of Geshur. Though David longed to restore Absalom, he did not pursue him. Even when Joab convinced David to allow Absalom to return to Jerusalem, David failed to pursue complete restoration with his son, refusing to see him in person for two years. Restoration would have required him to admit his own failures and confront Absalom, but David avoided both.

Just like removing a splinter, restoration can sometimes be painful, especially when we as dads are partly to blame for our child’s sin. However, the freeing results are worth it. Pursue restoration with your child through a sincere spirit of humility.

3. Don’t ignore rebellion (2 Samuel 15).

With a bitter spirit, Absalom proudly rebelled against his unresponsive father and publicly undermined his authority. Absalom then launched a full-scale coup, so that, by the time David decided to act, the time for reconciliation had long passed. Unfortunately, David responded the same way years later when Absalom’s brother, Adonijah, followed in his brother’s footsteps. 1 Kings 1:6 records that “his father had never at any time displeased him by asking, ‘Why have you done thus and so?’” The lesson here is clear: address the seeds of rebellion before bitterness takes root in your child’s heart.

First, recognize that your child’s sinful rebellion is not just rebellion against you and your requirements, but against God as their ultimate authority. The priority then is not to force conformity to your house rules, but rather to guide them in submission to God as their King.

Second, find hope in the one who specializes in transforming rebel hearts. If God can replace a heart of stone, he can root out your child’s rebellion (Ezek. 36:26). When your faith fails and all seems lost, remember the picture of God as that good Father who is waiting for his prodigal son to return home.

Address your child’s rebellion as sin against God, pray for repentance, and patiently trust God’s sovereignty as you wait for your child to return to their heavenly Father.

The Domino Effect

As you read 2 Samuel 13–15, each sinful act seems to lead to the next. Amnon, Absalom, and Adonijah are involved in immorality, murder, and rebellion. However, the domino effect of sin initially began in chapters 11–12 when their father committed both adultery and murder, rebelling against the King of Heaven. Consequently, David would spend much of his life mourning the death of many sons, including Bathsheba’s first baby.

Disciplining for sin, pursuing restoration, and addressing rebellion are important parenting principles to remember, but as a father you must never forget that the most important thing you can do for your children is to walk with God personally. If you fail in this area, your sin will end up hurting your children. Every time you are confronted by the failures you see in your child, take a moment to consider (and repent of) your own sin before continuing with discipline or restoration. Don’t let the domino effect of sin destroy your family.

Dads and Authority

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 00:00:00 GMT

When it comes to government, it has been said that there are two possible sources of authority: overwhelming force or “the consent of the governed.” In other words, either I make myself the boss because I’m the biggest and the strongest (as in totalitarian regimes), or I get elected (as in democracy). However, dads get their authority from another source. The Bible teaches that a dad’s authority comes from God. That’s a simple truth with profound implications.

Implication #1: You must obey God.

Psalm 24:1 says, “The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness, the world and those who dwell therein.” There’s a tug-of-war going on in governments around the world over the question, “Who owns the children?” Does the government own them, or do the parents own them? The biblical answer to that question, according to Psalm 24:1 is that ultimately, God owns them!

This truth has massive implications for parenting! Parents do not own their children. Rather, they are God’s ambassadors, specially chosen by Him to exercise authority over their kids for a time, while serving on His behalf. This means that as a parent, you cannot do whatever you want! You will answer to God for the way that you treat your children, because ultimately, they are God’s children.

One of the reasons that people today bristle at the thought of a dad exercising authority in the home is because of the prevalence and horrible nature of child abuse. Child abuse is indeed an abhorrent sin that God will not overlook. It is wicked, has tragic results, and should never be minimized or tolerated in any way. When a parent abuses his or her child, the government absolutely has a right to step in and to bring that parent to justice (Rom 13:1–5).

However, the solution to child abuse is not the minimization of parental authority. Rather, it is parents coming under God’s authority and obeying His commands. In Ephesians 6:4, God gives a specific command to fathers. He says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath….” Fathers who mistreat their children will answer to God for that sin. Obey God in the way that you treat your children.

Occasionally, when our family has gone on vacation, we have asked some friends to stay in our house to watch it while we are gone. Strangely, we have never returned to find the walls painted or the furniture rearranged. Why is that? Obviously, it is because our friends didn’t own the house! They were just taking care of it for a time.

Parents, you do not own your children; you are just taking care of them for a time. Your authority over your children was given to you by God. Therefore, you must never abuse it.

Implication #2: You must teach your kids to obey you.

One of the biggest mistakes that parents make is surrendering their God-given authority by not demanding obedience. However, this is not an option God affords us, according to Ephesians 6:1! God expects children to obey their parents, which means He also expects parents to demand obedience from their children.

What are some ways that parents surrender their God-given authority?

Giving In – Preschooler: “Mom, can we buy a candy today?” Dad: “No, we don’t need that stuff.” Preschooler: “Please!” Dad: “Okay, fine, you may choose one thing.” You just surrendered your God-given authority.
Negotiating – Dad: “Son, I want you to get off the Xbox; it’s time to work on your homework.” Son: “Dad, just let me finish this level!” Dad: “You can have 5 more minutes.” Son: “Fifteen!” Dad: “Ten.” You just surrendered your God-given authority.
Arguing – Dad: “Honey, please dry the dishes.” Teenager: “Why Dad? We should just leave them out in the drying rack to air dry and then put them away later!” Dad [failing to correct the disrespect and raising his voice]: “No, they need to be dried now because if you don’t dry them now, then I’ll have to dry them later!” [Debate continues.] You just surrendered your God-given authority.
Begging – Dad [responding to daughter’s disobedience]: “Honey, don’t you want to put your jacket on? Aren’t you cold out here? I really think you should put your jacket on. Please put your jacket on, Honey. It would make Daddy very happy.” You just surrendered your God-given authority.
Bribing – Dad [instead of teaching his children to obey because it is right]: “If you clean up your toys, I’ll give you a cookie.” You just surrendered your God-given authority.
Threatening – Dad: “If you don’t put that down by the time I count to three, you are really going to get it, Mister! One… two… two-and-a-half… two-and-three-quarters….” Kids see right through this prank, and you just surrendered your God-given authority.
Overlooking Disobedience – Dad: “Honey, stop running in the auditorium.” [Your child ignores you. You do nothing; or, you repeat the command five times and then do nothing, thus reinforcing the lesson that you don’t really mean what you say.] You just surrendered your God-given authority.
Avoiding Confrontation – Sometimes, we are afraid to make any of these other mistakes, so instead, we simply refrain from asking our kids to do anything they wouldn’t already want to do! In doing so, we surrender our God-given authority.

Instead of surrendering your authority, you must expect obedience. What is the definition of biblical obedience?

My parents always used to say, “Obedience means doing 1) what you’re told to do, 2) when you’re told to do it, 3) with the right heart attitude.” You could also say that children are to obey “quickly, sweetly, and completely.”

If you tell Johnny to stop poking his sister, and he pokes her one more time and then stops, that is not obedience.
If you tell Susie to do her homework and she does half of it before wandering off to play, that is not obedience.
If you tell Frankie to take out the trash and he does it but also stomps all the way to the door, that is not obedience.

Some parents feel that this is too high of a standard. However, it is the biblical standard. If you study the story of Saul and the Amalekites in 1 Samuel 15, you’ll get a very good picture of incomplete obedience and how God feels about it. If you want to see what God thinks about complaining, just look at the children of Israel. So when we demand that our children obey us quickly, sweetly, and completely, we are not asking any more of them than what God requires of us.[^1]

Finally, you may be wondering, “Where is the gospel in all of this?” 2 Corinthians 5:15 says that Jesus died for all “so that those who live would no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.” Jesus died so that you would recognize His authority. He wants you to stop acting like the king of your life and submit to His lordship.

One of the aspects of man’s sin nature is that we are all bent on self-rule. In fact, your kids come into the world with the false assumption that they are their own bosses, and nobody is going to tell them what to do–not God and certainly not you! So when you require your kids to obey, you are actually doing gospel work in the sense that you are exposing their sinful hearts bent on self-rule, pointing them to the Savior (who is also their rightful King), and showing them their need for grace.

Christian Dad, God has called you to exercise loving authority on His behalf with your children. Will you obey Him?

[^1]: Also, practically speaking, children will usually rise to whatever standard is required of them.

Faith Is Not Blind

Chris Pennington — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 00:00:00 GMT

import Note from '@/components/ui/Note';

How would you define “faith”?

No, really. Take a few moments, switch to the notes app on your phone or pull out a piece of paper and write out a basic definition—just the first rough definition that pops in your mind.

I'll wait…

<Note variant="info"> Did you just skip ahead? Go ahead and write down something. It'll make this article much more beneficial for you. </Note>

Today’s Faith

As a Christian dad, how you think and talk about faith carries heightened importance because your conception of faith will filter down to your children.

If you're like most people, you may have written down something like, "Faith is belief without evidence." That's a common understanding.

In fact, here are five characteristics of how people think about faith today. Today's faith is:

Subjective: "It's just my religious opinion."
Baseless: “It’s basically belief without evidence, a blind leap.”
Abstract: “If you could prove it, it wouldn’t be faith.”
Personal: “It’s wrong to tell someone what he should believe.”
Focused on the actor: “It’s my feelings about religious things.”

We might summarize most people’s understanding of faith this way: "Faith is one's personal, subjective, opinion without any evidence." As like one author observes,

"Most people in our culture choose to pocket away the concept of faith as a mere personal preference, neither expecting nor requiring it to be grounded in reason, logic, and historical realities. Faith is just something you accept. It doesn’t need to be burdened with making rational sense."[^1]

Taking Today's Faith into Parenting

If this is the way you think about faith, evangelizing your own children, teaching them about God, and anything else related to the Bible is going to be difficult (if not plain wrong).

If faith is a subjective, baseless, abstract, and highly personal experience, then "imposing" your beliefs on your kids is at best coercive and at worst abusive.[^2]

And make no mistake; this is how people talk about faith today:

"I want my kids to discover truth for themselves."
"They'll have to find their own way to God."
"Who can tell anyone else what to believe?"
"You can have your own beliefs. Just don't impose them on others. That's just plain wrong!"

And it's not just secular people who think this way. "The church in large part has become fairly complicit with this misconception. The idea of seeking to support Christian belief with left-brain analysis is seen as suspect at worst, unnecessary at best....but the Bible doesn't ask us to adopt a BLIND faith but a REASONED faith—a faith that can honestly ask the hard questions and then go out in search of real, measurable, credible answers."[^3]

The Bible's Everyday Faith

When the Bible speaks of faith it's using a much more common and long-understood idea. In the Bible, faith means we look at what we experience, what we sense (e.g., see, hear, etc.), what we reason to, and what we're taught by others and we find that evidence trustworthy. This kind of faith is actually very common to our experience.

Most of what we know is taken on this kind of faith. I've never been to Hong Kong, yet I'm convinced it exists. Even scientists have to trust their senses, reason, and experience to process and interpret their studies. Historians rely exclusively on written testimony for nearly everything they know. I'm fairly convinced I'm married and have three kids, but I suppose I could be a part of an elaborate hoax like the Truman show or the Matrix. Most of what we know is taken on faith that has reasons to believe the evidence.

How do we come to believe what we commonly experience, sense, reason, and hear from others?

Through long experience of interacting with others in the world, we have come to think that it is wise, most of the time, to put a good measure of trust in the testimony of others [and any source for knowledge], when those people seem to be giving that testimony in good faith.[^4]

In other words, we rest in the sources of knowledge we find worthy of our trust. When it comes to people, we trust the people who we find trustworthy.

That's what God wants us to do with him. He wants us to view him in all his glory and to find him imminently trustworthy. To put it another way, "[Faith] is not 'belief in the absence of evidence'; rather, it is a trust that rests on sufficient evidence."[^5] And no one has offered more evidence that he is trustworthy than the God of the universe.

While our knowledge of God will never be comprehensive, we can know God sufficiently to trust him because God has revealed himself in creation, in our conscience, and by the prophets, and chiefly in his Son (Hebrews 1:1–4).

How to Talk about Faith with Kids

I'd encourage you to emphasize these realities as a starting point.

1. God is trustworthy.

God isn't asking us to blindly leap. He's wanting us to view him, find him trustworthy, and rest in him because he is worthy of that trust. That's an honoring faith. When you observe evidence of God's trustworthiness in the Bible, in your family's life, and in answers to prayer, share that with your kids. "See, God is so trustworthy. He always does exactly what he says. He's always the same."

2. God welcomes your questions.

There's no inherent virtue in doubt, but if you take your doubts to God, they can be a mighty tool in his hands. If your child or teen asks you a question about God, observe, "God loves it when we ask him our questions—even our hardest ones. He's not afraid of your questions. And there are answers!" Then point them to the Word of God, the glasses by which we should evaluate all our knowledge, questions, doubts, and fears.

3. God's claims are universally true.

There's a thinking today about religion that's connected to the way people think about faith: "Science makes universal, objective claims while religion makes personal, subjective ones." In other words, religious claims are person-relative, so what's true for you isn't necessarily true for everyone.

Such a perspective is quite common, but it’s problematic on several levels.…It may be true that some religions are only about personal values, goals and lifestyle choices. But that’s definitely not true for some of the major world religions. Christianity, Islam and Judaism all make significant historical claims about what took place in the past [like the existence of Jesus].…Either there was such a person or there wasn’t. Either He performed miracles or He didn’t. Such claims can’t be “true” for some people but not “true” for other people.[^6]

Common sense requires we take the major world religions at face value. At the core of biblical Christianity are objective claims, and this is the way the Bible talks. When Paul hypothetically entertains the reality that Jesus didn't rise again, he doesn't say, "Well, if he didn't rise again, it's still all true for us." He says, "we are of all people most to be pitied" (1 For 15:13–19).

Everything in your children's experience will counter this idea. If Jesus actually died and rose again, he is who he said he was and it would be wrong to hold that truth from your children.[^7]

Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God’s word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. (2Cor 4:1–2)

Conclusion

As we speak with our children about God and openly state his truth without manipulation or cunning (2 Corinthians 4:1–2), he can do the miraculous.

May he shine in their hearts to overcome Satan's blinding (2 Corinthians 4:6), may his gospel be the power unto salvation that conquers willful rebels (Romans 1:16–28), and may he bring the dead to life through the gift of saving faith in the Savior, Jesus Christ (Ephesians 2:1–9).

[^1]: Truth Matters by Andreas J. Köstenberger, Darrell L. Bock, and Josh Chatraw (Page 12) [^2]: I'm not suggesting Christian parents strong-arm their children into believing things. "Forcing belief" is rendered impossible by the nature of saving faith. What the Bible means by faith isn't something you can force upon someone else. It's something God grants by His Spirit through the Word. I'm also not suggesting that faith is impersonal or that children should have only their parents' faith. [^3]: Truth Matters by Andreas J. Köstenberger, Darrell L. Bock, and Josh Chatraw (Page 12) [^4]: Is Jesus History? by John Dickson (Page 24) [^5]: Apologetics, John Frame (Page 53) [^6]: Why Should I Believe Christianity? by James Anderson (Page 18) [^7]: By locating the core claims of Christianity in flesh-and-blood history, God both opens himself to investigation and sets the investigator on a path that will have a decisive conclusion. If Jesus didn't rise from the dead, everything in the Bible is objectively, universally false. But if Jesus did indeed rise from the dead, it's a kind of self-interpreting fact—it's all true! By way of analogy, if I claimed to be the secret CIA director, you would be right to be skeptical. I could offer a badge, but those are easily counterfeited. I could show you airplane tickets and photos with the President, but we live in the age of InDesign and Photoshop. There is one thing I could do, however, that would be a sort of self-interpreting fact. If I took you to Langley, brought you past the guards, we took an elevator to a secret floor, and I walked you into a hidden office that bore my name and title, everything else I said would be shown to be true. To believe otherwise would take a blind leap of faith. If Jesus rose from the dead, it would take a blind leap of astronomical proportions to believe anything other than what the Bible declares, that Jesus "was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead" (Rom 1:4).

31 Ways to Help Your Weary Wife

John Pate — Tue, 03 Nov 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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Between the newlywed and empty-nester phases of marriage are a few furious, breathtaking years. Raising children really is a delightful phase of life!

But when you’re in the middle of that phase, it feels wearisome. You know you’re a parent when your definition of a great evening is one in which you’re in bed by 9:30 PM. Parents are perpetually tired people.

May I suggest, however, that your wife is possibly a little more tired than you? Whether she’s a stay-at-home mom or not, she carries a massive load with 24–7 responsibilities. So, let’s brainstorm together: how can you help your weary wife?

A Command for Husbands

In a letter written to weary Christians, the Apostle Peter has a word for husbands: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

The word translated “live with” is a practical word and literally means “house with.” Peter’s command concerns a husband’s everyday life with his wife.

According to the verse these interactions should line up with a husband’s “understanding” or “knowledge.” Knowledge of what? The verse is probably referring to either the husband’s knowledge of God or his knowledge of his wife—possibly both. In other words your relationship with God and your relationship with your wife must impact your daily life, down to the most commonplace interactions. Peter calls you to seek to meet the daily needs of your wife.

When a husband does this, he honors and exalts his wife according to her Creator’s design. Peter goes on to say that obedience to this command is actually going to impact the effectiveness of a husband’s prayer life! Are you seeking to grow in your relationship with God? One huge step in this process is learning to “live with your wife in an understanding way.”

I’m not always sure how best to shoulder the load with my wife. So I enlisted the input of some family and friends and, with their help, compiled a list of thirty-one ideas below.

Thirty-One Ideas

Before you just plug and play someone else’s ideas, make sure you know your wife. What delights her? What discourages her? What does she enjoy? If you have trouble feeling motivated to serve your wife, take some time to meditate on God’s love and service toward you.

Also, don’t be overwhelmed by the length of the list. It might help to take one or two ideas per week and implement those into your life. If those ideas truly help, consider making them a part of your regular routine.

Pray for her. Okay, this is a nonnegotiable. Take some time on a daily basis, maybe on your morning commute, to pray for your wife. Keep praying for her throughout her day. (Consider setting an alarm for this.) Only God can give her the strength she needs.
Pray with her. Ask her what’s on her plate and what burdens she is carrying, and pray through those things with her. Before you both drift off to sleep at the end of a long day, pray with her one more time. Even ten seconds of prayer every night is a good start.
Ask how you can help. What we may think is helpful sometimes isn’t. Ask her what you can do to help shoulder her load.
Be aware. Before you pull out your guitar or turn on the football game, take a look around and make sure you’re not missing something. If someone is screaming, chances are, you’re needed.
Bring coffee to her first thing. That is, if she is a coffee drinker. Sometimes, the “night shift” is extra rough, and a good cup of coffee in her favorite mug can help jump start her day.
Consider taking the night shift. I know one dad who worked away from home during the day. So, throughout the night, he took on the task of getting up and feeding the bottle to the baby.
Help her to have the time she needs to spend with God. Your wife’s relationship with God is the foundation for the rest of her life. Keep the kids occupied so she can have some uninterrupted time with God.
Give her an opportunity to sleep in once a week. Even a couple extra hours of sleep can pay big dividends toward your wife’s daily routine.
Take the kids on a walk after dinner. Thirty minutes of quiet at the end of a long, noisy day is huge.
Be careful with your own expectations. If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, don’t forget that she possibly has the hardest job on the planet. (Don’t think so? Watch the kids for a weekend while your wife is out of town, and you may reconsider.) Don’t discourage your wife by placing unrealistic expectations on her on your way out the door.
Give her space. Don’t expect her to pivot from serving the kids all day to serving you the moment you arrive home.
Play with the kids. It will bless your weary wife immensely if you can send the kids squealing to their room and just play with them for an extended period of time. (Try to keep them from getting hurt, though. That has the opposite effect.)
Learn how to take certain “kid duties.” If there are kid duties you don’t typically do (such as giving the baby his bottle or prepping the kids’ school bags), ask if you can take some of those on.
Teach your kids to serve. Challenge your children to ask their mom “How can I help?” at least once in a given day, and then follow up with them to see how it went.
Help her around the house. Tackle a cleaning or home repair project. (Just make sure it’s actually helpful. I have found that waxing my car doesn’t have the same impact as unloading the dishwasher.)
Help her find ways she can still use her gifts outside the home. Some stay-at-home moms can start to feel trapped with their 24–7 obligations. They would love the opportunity to practice piano for church, make some headway on a project, or take another young mom out for coffee and Bible study. Help her make time for her hobbies, ministries, and goals.
Give her time away without the kids. Watch the kids so she can run errands, study at a coffee shop, or just walk around Target for a while. A free day means a lot, especially if your wife has her own business. Put her up in an AirBnB on a Friday night—she leaves after work Friday and returns Saturday night.
Offer to pick up dinner on the way home, especially if it’s been a rough day due to the kids’ behavior, sickness, or a tough work project. If she typically cooks dinner, consider having a weekly “Dad’s Meal” night. (Please only try this if you can actually cook.)
Be home when you say you’ll be home. Consider adding fifteen minutes to your ETA to ensure you keep your word to your wife.
Try to arrive home with the mindset to “jump right in.” Help her finish dinner prep, set the table, scoop up crying children. If you’re arriving home with a lot on your mind, keep your hand on the door handle for a few seconds, cast those cares on the Lord, and then head on in to serve. Make it a habit to turn off the radio for the last couple minutes of your commute home in order to pray for strength.
Be the first to handle discipline. If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, she’s probably been dealing with crummy attitudes all day. When you arrive home, make sure you have the information you need to act wisely, and then take over.
Encourage other ladies in your church to take her out to dinner or coffee (and offer to pay).
Fill her car up with gas and take it through the car wash. Those tasks can be hard to do with a car full of kids or a screaming baby.
Plan a regularly scheduled date night. Hire a sitter and head to a restaurant (or pack a picnic supper). It doesn’t have to be expensive. When it comes to date nights, regularity is a key.
Try to get away with your wife for a weekend at least once a year. Or more. The point is, aim to get away.
Plan a regular “calendar party.” Every few weeks, after the kids are in bed, grab some snacks and work through your monthly calendar together. (This is peak adulthood.) Being on the same page about your schedule goes a long way toward helping to shoulder your wife’s load.
Be realistic about time. There may have been a time when you could get out the door with five minutes of advance notice. You have a family now. Plan well. Start early. Move slowly.
Don’t invite company without consulting her first.
Give her a shoulder massage while you watch a movie together.
Listen to her. Men tend to be “fixers” and not great listeners. Don’t answer a matter before you hear it out completely (Proverbs 18:13). As men, we often listen better when we’re not just staring at our conversation partner. Go on a walk with your wife. If you need to bring the kids, head to a local park and walk 20–30 feet away from the playground while the kids play. Make it your aim to listen well.
Affirm to her that what she does every day matters. No matter how mundane or repetitive, your wife’s daily work has eternal worth. You may be the only person who sees and knows the daily struggles she faces. Prioritize regular praise for your wife. When possible, praise her in front of your children.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her.” (Proverbs 31:28)

What Does It Mean to Be a Humble Dad?

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 20 Oct 2020 00:00:00 GMT

Is there a Bible verse you have never understood? In Philippians 2:3, Paul says “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” The last phrase of the verse used to trouble me.

Is Paul telling me to consider others to be better human beings than myself? For instance, is the teenage girl supposed to look at her friend and think, “She’s so pretty; I’ll never measure up to her!”? Unfortunately, that is how many people think of humility.

However, there are two problems with that interpretation of Paul in this verse.

It can be intellectually dishonest. (What if the teenage girl in the example is prettier than her friend?)
It turns humility into some kind of Jedi mind trick.

In the book, The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis, Screwtape (a demon) counsels Wormwood (another demon) about how to keep his “patient” from being humble.

You must therefore conceal from the patient the true end of Humility. Let him think of it, not as self-forgetfulness, but as a certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of his own talents and character. Some talents, I gather, he really has. Fix in his mind the idea that humility consists in trying to believe those talents to be less valuable than he believes them to be. No doubt they are in fact less valuable than he believes, but that is not the point. The great thing is to make him value an opinion for some quality other than truth, thus introducing an element of dishonesty and make-believe into the heart of what otherwise threatens to become a virtue. By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools. And since what they are trying to believe may, in some cases, be manifest nonsense, they cannot succeed in believing it, and we have the chance of keeping their minds endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible.

According to Lewis (and I think he is right), humility, at its core, is “self-forgetfulness.” It’s not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.

Lewis put it this way in another book, Mere Christianity.

To even get near [humility], even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water to a man in a desert. Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call ‘humble’ nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

So, if esteeming others better than yourself doesn’t mean being (in Lewis’s words) “a greasy, smarmy person,” what does it mean? It means valuing others more than you value yourself. This interpretation is confirmed in the next verse. “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). It is also illustrated in the example of Christ in the verses following Phillipians 2:4. Right after telling us to be humble, Paul says, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” He goes on to explain how Jesus did not grasp equality with God, took the form of a bondservant, became flesh, and humbled Himself to the point of death on a cross. Jesus is the ultimate example of what it means to humbly serve others. Are you following His example?

What are some ways you can do this? Here are several suggestions.

When you come home from work, help set the table when you feel like vegging on the couch.
When you play with your kids, choose the game they like to play. Playing “family” can get old really quick for a dad, but your four-year-old daughter never gets tired of it. Play what she wants to play.
Try to be home from work when you say you’ll be home. If you have to be late, text your wife so that she knows what to expect.
Don’t interrupt. Interrupting sends the clear signal, “What I have to say is more important than what you have to say.”
Before you say yes to that next hunting trip, consider the stress this commitment will put on your family’s budget and schedule. Has your wife had time to recharge lately? Have you consulted her opinion about the trip?

When you begin thinking of ways to apply this passage, you discover that the possibilities are literally endless! Here is a simple exercise you can do to help you apply Philippians 2:3-4 in your home.

Make a list of all of your family members.
Under each name, list several of that person’s interests. (An “interest” is something that matters a lot to that person–see Philip 2:4.)
Next to each interest, write down a way you can serve that person by honoring that interest. (For instance, I can honor my wife’s concern for safety by fixing that loose board, even though I don’t think it’s a problem. Etc.)
Put your ideas into action!

Christian Dad, when God commands you to be humble, don’t think for a moment that He is telling you to lack confidence. That is not what humility is about! Instead, He is telling you to embrace the mindset of Christ and put the interests of others (including your wife and your kids) ahead of your own desires.

Let’s be strong and confident leaders who always put others first.

Book Review: The Tech-Wise Family

Chris Pennington — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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If you’ve read anything by Andy Crouch, it will not surprise you to hear <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tech-Wise-Family-Everyday-Putting-Technology/dp/0801018668" target="_blank">The Tech-Wise Family</a> is wise, pithy, and balanced. For Crouch, technology[^1] is neutral, but our application of it has moral implications: “If we don’t learn to put technology . . . in its proper place, we will miss out on many of the best parts of life in a family.”[^2]

In short, the book encourages parents to be present in their home, to help their children thrive in community and to leverage technology to cultivate a life full of real people and experiences.

The Need for The Tech-Wise Family

Crouch identifies several characteristics of today’s technology that require more from today’s parents than parents of the past. Today’s technology . . .

. . . is everywhere: You cannot escape technology’s grasp, as it’s not limited to a specific place. Technology is at work, at school, at home—even inside us! There is a very real sense that our experience is new in the history of the world and this change has happened rapidly.
. . . is easy: The promise of today’s technology is that it “just works.” We’ve advanced beyond mere tools to tools that do the work for us! The best technology today requires no training manual, no instruction, and no guidance.
. . . is fundamentally different: Parents today cannot fall back on specific wisdom from the past, as we have no wisdom that’s been handed down for generations to immediately apply to our particular situation. Additionally, “the pace of technological change has surpassed anyone’s capacity to develop enough wisdom to handle it.”[^11]
. . . is constantly changing: New technology arrives before we have time to evaluate the effect of current technology on our families.

The Goal of The Tech-Wise Family

As he approaches our unique situation, Crouch offers more than a step-by-step guide; he models a biblically-soaked discernment that has staying power in the midst of so much change. His goal is both simple and monumental:

This book is about how to find the proper place for technology in our family lives—and how to keep it there.[^12]

How do we evaluate the proper place of technology? Technology is in its proper place when it helps us bond with the real people we have been given to love, when it starts great conversations, when it helps us take care of the fragile bodies we inhabit, when it helps us acquire skill and mastery of domains that are the glory of human culture, when it helps us cultivate awe for the created world we are part of and responsible for stewarding, and only when we use it with intention and care.[^13]

As he puts this vision into practice, Crouch offers what he calls “a better way” and targets more than our technology. He expands the focus to our philosophy of the family and life itself.

This better way involves radically recommitting ourselves to what family is about—what real life is about. . . . This book is about much more than just social media, or even screens. It’s about how to live as full, flourishing human beings.[^3]

Again, he doesn’t advocate for a life without technology, but a life where technology is properly ordered: “It is possible to love and use all kinds of technology but still make radical choices to prevent technology from taking over our lives.”[^4]

The Content of The Tech-Wise Family

As Crouch pursues the book’s goal—finding the proper place of technology in our families—he advocates three fundamental choices that apply to everything that touches the family:

The first and deepest is to choose character—to make the mission of our family, for children and adults alike, the cultivation of wisdom and courage.
The second is to shape space—to make choices about the place where we live and put that development of character and creativity at the heart of our home.
The third is to structure time—to build rhythms into our lives, on a daily, weekly, and annual basis, that make it possible for us to get to know one another, God, and our world in deeper and deeper ways.[^5]

These fundamental choices give way to ten commitments that apply Crouch’s goal in concrete, doable steps.[^6] Each commitment occupies a chapter full of detailed research, practical steps, and personal anecdotes.

The Strengths of The Tech-Wise Family

In addition to its pithiness, clear style, and biblical discernment, the book commends itself on several levels. Here are just a few.

1. It is heavily researched.

Crouch relies heavily on research conducted by the Barna Group and his book is filled with infographics, charts, and data to back up his writing.

The data not only gives significance to the writing, it also confirms for parents what they know already: navigating technology today is tough! For instance, one chart reveals that 65% of parents believe that technology is the number one factor that makes it more difficult to raise kids today.

Because most of the data is presented in colorful charts and graphs, it doesn’t feel academic or scholarly. It does, however, give you confidence in Crouch and it normalizes the struggles we face as families.

<Note> You can view their research at www.barna.com. Several of the studies and infographics referenced in The Tech-Wise Family are available online, such as “<a className="underline" href="https://www.barna.com/research/6-tech-habits-changing-american-home/" target="_blank">6 Tech Habits Changing the American Home</a>” and “<a className="underline" href="https://www.barna.com/research/forming-family-values-digital-age/" target="_blank">Forming Family Values in a Digital Age</a>”. </Note>

2. It locates the family in the broader community.

The book really is about the family proper, but it doesn’t isolate the family and make it a modern idol. He writes about the family for the church and community, not in opposition to them.

We’ve always needed a community wider than the solitary nuclear family to thrive, and we surely need it now. Almost none of the commitments in this book can be realized by that minimal family unit.[^7]

He even roots the concept of the family in the Christian community itself: ”As a Christian, I don’t actually believe the biological family is the main place we are meant to be known and loved in a way that leads to wisdom and courage. . . . the first family for everyone who wants wisdom and courage in the way of Jesus is the church.”[^14]

It’s encouraging to see Crouch place the proper weight and order to the local church. This is one of our deep commitments at Growing Fathers!

3. It is refreshingly honest and humble.

It would be easy to write only about technology’s dangers or joys, but Crouch avoids these sensational extremes. He shows how technology presents both new challenges and new opportunities. It’s not a sensational book in a good way.

As he provides specific applications (down to how their living room is arranged!), Crouch admits he hasn’t figured it all out. Because of this approach, the book comes across less as a lecture spoken at parents and more as a series of warm reminders and suggestions from someone just ahead of you on the path.[^8]

Weaknesses of The Tech-Wise Family

If I have to pick a few weaknesses, let me suggest the following:

1. It is best suited for parents of older children.

Crouch has two teenagers and his best direction comes when he addresses that age group. I found myself wishing for more specific application to homes with younger kids. That being said, he often references decisions they made with their children when they were younger, and parents of younger children can easily fit his advice into their lives.[^9]

2. It misses some opportunities to give God full voice.

Please don’t misunderstand me, the book is filled with Bible and his entire approach is distinctly Christian. I can find two ways, however, that Crouch could allow God more of a voice.

He tends to quote the Bible to support his statements rather than the other way around. While he uses the Bible accurately when quoted, I’d like to see this reversed to give the Bible its full weight.
He leaves out some important biblical passages on the family that immediately apply to technology (e.g., Ephesians 6:1—at least I couldn’t find it!).

The Last Word

Crouch paints a picture of the family that is beautiful. It’s an ideal that sees the family as an interconnected, loving microcosm of what God intends for all our communities. In many ways, for Crouch, technology is an excuse to talk about the family, life, and all they can and should be. I’ll give him the last word:

We are meant to build this kind of life together: the kind of life that, at the end, is completely dependent upon one another; the kind of life that ultimately transcends, and does not need, the easy solutions of technology because it is caught up in something more true and more lasting than any alchemy our technological world can invent. We are meant to be family—not just marriages bound by vows and the children that come from them, but a wider family that invites others into our lives. . . . We are meant not just for thin, virtual connections but for visceral, real connections to one another in this fleeting, temporary, and infinitely beautiful and worthwhile life. . . . We are meant to spur one another along on the way to a better life, the life that really is life. Why not begin living that life, together, now?[^10]

<Note variant='info'> Want more resources? View our{" "} <a href="/resources/" className="underline">resources page</a> to see our other recommended resources for dads. </Note>

[^1]: Crouch essentially uses ”technology” in a colloquial way to refer to digital or electronic technology. See pages 26–27 for his discussion of what he means by technology. [^2]: Page 10 [^11]: Page 10 [^12]: Page 10 [^13]: Page 10 [^3]: Pages 16, 24 [^4]: Page 17 [^5]: These three points are quoted verbatim from pages 23–24. [^6]: Crouch’s ten commitments: 1. We develop wisdom and courage together as a family. 2. We want to create more than we consume. So we fill the center of our home with things that reward skill and active engagement. 3. We are designed for a rhythm of work and rest. So one hour a day, one day a week, and one week a year, we turn off our devices and worship, feast, play, and rest together. 4. We wake up before our devices do, and they “go to bed” before we do. 5. We aim for “no screens before double digits” at school and at home. 6. We use screens for a purpose, and we use them together, rather than using them aimlessly and alone. 7. Care time is conversation time. 8. Spouses have one another’s passwords, and parents have total access to children’s devices. 9. We learn to sing together, rather than letting recorded and amplified music take over our lives and worship. 10. We show up in person for the big events of life. We learn how to be human by being fully present at our moments of greatest vulnerability. We hope to die in one another’s arms. [^7]: Pages 36–37 [^14]: Pages 36–37 [^8]: Each chapter ends with a “Reality Check” full of practical application. Many of them start like this, “There are many things we’ve done poorly, belatedly, or distractedly in our family . . . ” (page 123). This refreshing humility makes it easy to give Crouch my ear. [^9]: As an example, we’ve directly implemented several changes with our little ones, including “tea party” on Sundays for the last two years or so (since I first read the book). The suggestion is to set apart Sundays in a special way for family fellowship and worship (page 59 describes how the Crouches do tea party). [^10]: Page 129

This Day We Fight

John Pate — Tue, 06 Oct 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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Anger, worry, lust—how many believing dads throughout history have fallen prey to these deadly foes? We seek to lead our families through the minefield of this world, but in our own hearts we find ourselves embattled, and sometimes defeated. A normally easy-going dad explodes in a fit of anger after all the right buttons are pressed. Another dad, faithfully married to his wife for ten years, experiences a season of depression and begins to seek out pornography. When those dads turn around and try to lead their families, it should come as no surprise that they feel defeated. And defeated dads make poor leaders.

If you’re that dad as you read this, you probably don’t need a reminder of your defeat. Satan does quite well at “accusing the brothers” and loves to beat us down until we don’t want to get back up and fight.

But as long as you’re alive and breathing, the fight is still on. You must keep fighting because, no matter how we may feel, there is hope for your battle with sin, and that hope is Christ. So here’s the question: how can believing dads fight sin as they lead their families for God? Here is a simple battle plan based on Paul’s letter to the Colossian believers.

1. Look to Your Champion

“How could I have done that?” “That just wasn’t me.” “I’ll make sure that never happens again.” All of these thoughts betray a false assumption about our fight against sin. We tend to think that, if we try hard enough, we can do this. We can win. We are the champions.

But we’re not. We can never defeat sin in our own strength. That reality was beginning to dawn on the believers in the town of Colossae. So, when Paul wrote to them, he devoted a large portion of the beginning of his letter to the real Champion, Jesus Christ.

In a few ancient battles, we read about armies who chose great champions to represent them in battle. In many cases, the outcome of the entire battle depended on which champion won. Here’s some good news: if you’re a believer, your Champion is the one and only God of the entire universe. Look at how Paul describes your Champion:

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent” (Colossians 1:15–18).

The one who created and sustains all things has fought and defeated sin for you. Jesus is your Champion. In Him your flesh has been dealt a death blow (2:11). In Him the old you is gone (2:12). In Him you’ve been made brand new (2:12). In Him you’re 100% forgiven (2:13). In Him your sins are covered (2:13). In Him the powers of hell are defeated (2:15).

Paul talks a lot in Colossians about Jesus’ victory over the invisible powers of the universe. That might seem odd until you come face to face with your own struggle with sin. It may be invisible and internal, but at times it feels like the most powerful foe you will ever face. But Jesus is more powerful. If you’re a believer, the most powerful being in all the universe has defeated your sin. After his death and resurrection, there was no more contest. He won fair and square. The outcome is settled (see Romans 6:1–13). Jesus didn’t defeat your sin so you could flex on other dads or feel morally superior. He did this for one purpose: “that in everything he might be preeminent” (Colossians 1:18).

If you want to successfully fight sin, you must rally behind this Champion. His power is your only hope, and his purpose is your highest goal. Don’t try to fight this battle without Jesus (see Colossians 2:8–23). Every other potential means of success, whether it be regimented rule-following or a radical religious experience, will fall short of “stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (2:23). Only Jesus can defeat your sin. So look to your Champion.

2. Renew Your Mind

When Second Lieutenant Hirō Onodo received word that Japan had surrendered to the Allied forces in 1945, he didn’t believe it. Instead, he and a handful of other Japanese soldiers retreated into the mountains in the Philippines and held their position. Over the next few years, leaflets were dropped informing them of the outcome of the war, but they continued to live in hiding, refusing to believe the truth. After all of Onodo’s fellow soldiers had died and a full thirty years had passed, he finally came face to face with reality and hiked back down the mountain to rejoin civilization.

Sometimes, we respond to the news of Christ’s finished work much like Onodo responded to the news of Japan’s surrender. We may know all the facts—yes, Jesus has saved us and defeated our sin—but we continue to live as if we were still enslaved and needed to somehow save ourselves. Unshackled and freed, we still slavishly return to our former prison cell.

In Colossians 2:6, Paul gives a simple answer to this problem: “As you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him.” If Jesus is your Champion, and your sin has been defeated, then live like it. Connect the dots between your position in Christ and your daily practice.

This process begins by regularly reminding yourself of who Jesus is, what He has done, and how that affects you. After spending two whole chapters discussing what Jesus has done for you, Paul commands all believers, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above . . .” (Colossians 2:1–2a). In other words, take what you know about what Christ has done for you, and think about it—a lot. This kind of thinking is what another scripture refers to as “renewing your mind” (Ephesians 4:23).

Do you ever find yourself repeatedly thinking about the same things during the day—maybe some sports stats, or an upcoming vacation, or a movie you recently watched? These kinds of repeated thought patterns can easily dominate your waking moments. When you repeatedly think about something, that’s called meditation. What you meditate on changes you. That’s how God made us. In Colossians, Paul says that, in order to connect the dots from your position to your practice, you need to flood your waking moments with the truths of the gospel.

Believing dad, your thoughts are crucial to your fight against sin. What you think about is going to affect your mindset, your attitudes, your responses, and your actions.

If you don’t know where to start, take some time today to look over Colossians 1 and 2 to see what Jesus has done for you. Then internalize those truths. Mull them over. Memorize them. Let them affect you from the inside out. Renewing your mind in this way is how you connect the dots between your position in Christ and your daily practice.

3. Fight

I’ve always loved Peter Jackson’s depiction of the battle at the Black Gate from Tolkien’s Return of the King. As the men of Rohan and Gondor prepare to face their powerful enemy, Aragorn rides up and musters their courage:

“A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we fight!”

As Christian dads, we have a much greater cause than the men of Middle Earth. We fight for the true King of Kings who is worthy of all the glory in the universe. We fight for his name to be held in high esteem in our world, our churches, and our families. We fight because Jesus is worth it all.

According to Colossians 3, we are called to put off some things in this fight: “sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness . . . anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk” (3:5, 8). Our fight against sin requires a radical rejection of sinful practices.

We are also called to put on some things: “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12). The list goes on and includes forgiveness, thankfulness, and love for a spouse and children. As you renew your mind, take time to actively cultivate new actions and attitudes through the Holy Spirit’s power.

Don’t forget: this fight wasn’t meant to be fought alone. The Holy Spirit uses the collective church body to support each other in our fight against sin. Ask a brother to fight and pray with you. Go to your pastor for help fighting. Go ahead, text him right now.

When my family and I lived in South Carolina, we returned home from church one night to find a Palmetto Bug (think monster cockroach) just inside the door. Courageous dad that I am, I quickly dispatched the bug. I really needed to help get the kids in bed, so I left the carcass for just a few minutes. When I returned, I was dismayed to find a single leg. The remaining legs had scuttled off to live another day.

When you neglect to kill a cockroach, it’s going to be okay. When you neglect to kill indwelling sin, the stakes are much higher. The 17th century puritan John Owen famously warned, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.”

Helping Your Kids with Fear

John Dalrymple — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 00:00:00 GMT

One of my worst fears as a child was being asked by my parents to go downstairs at night and make sure all the doors were locked and the lights were turned off before bedtime. At 8 years old, I’m fairly certain I could have won speed competitions for ascending a staircase as I ran away from what I thought was chasing me in the dark.

Some fears are childish and unfounded, but other fears are very legitimate possibilities. Kids and adults alike face fears like rejection, failure, and loss. How do you help your children (as well as your wife and yourself) face these types of fears?

The Nature of Fear

No one gets a pit in their stomach when they watch an action movie or read a thrilling novel for the second time. Why? Because they know the entire story.

Fear takes hold because we don’t know the future. Job loss? Health struggles? Challenging children? Heartbreak? Suffering? The boundless uncertainties can be paralyzing.

Find the Root

Every time my boys help me pull weeds from our garden I try to remind them to get the root.

When we consider fears, we often focus on surface issues and miss underlying problems. Your child’s fear of not passing a test, your wife’s fear about safety or health, or your fear about your job or the results of the upcoming election are actually just symptoms of deeper root fears. We must be careful not to focus entirely on removing those outward fears without dealing with the root, or those fears will return and multiply.

Here are a few common roots which need special attention along with biblical truths to help you guide your children.

1. The Fear of Rejection

We all love to be loved. As a result, our identity as a child is naturally connected to those people closest to us, especially family and friends. When your children face any sort of rejection from these people, it can be incredibly painful. The fear of rejection is ultimately rooted in a misplaced trust in people’s love and acceptance.

To combat this fear, help your child recognize their intrinsic value in God’s sight (Matt. 10:31). Show them how Jesus suffered ultimate rejection by his own father so that we could find ultimate acceptance as his children (Matt. 27:46; Eph. 1:5). My wife and I try to remind our children regularly that God loves them even more than mommy and daddy. Our children need to find safety and acceptance in the faithful one who will never fail them or reject them.

2. The Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is usually linked to unreached expectations. Parents, family, teachers, or coaches can pressure your child to reach certain goals in academics, sports, or music and your child may even add to those goals with unreasonable personal expectations. Focusing exclusively on these high expectations can generate great fear and anxiety. Ultimately, this fear finds its root in the fear of man and a pride that prioritizes man’s praise or approval over God’s. As you talk with your children, help them identify whose expectations they are trying to meet. While it is good for them to do their best, remind them that the “fear of man brings a snare” (Prov. 29:25). They are ultimately accountable to God for their actions and attitudes. Help your child see that if they’ve played a game or worked hard and have aimed to please the Lord, they should have no fear of failure even if they don’t succeed or win by man’s standards.

3. The Fear of Loss

Children may fear losing a friendship, a loved one, a special possession, a pet, or their reputation. The fear of loss is rooted in a mindset that either places too much value on earthly things or believes that God will take away someone that we love. We all fear losing what we value the most or whatever we have put our confidence in. If we treasure Christ above all else, we will have no fear of loss.

When your kids are afraid to lose something valuable to them, remind them that God is always good and always wise. If they are God’s child, nothing can separate them from His love (Rom. 8:38–39).

4. The Fear of Pain

Children often fear pain before going to the dentist or doctor, or they may be hesitant to try something new because they don’t want to get hurt (or get hurt again). When your child expresses fear about pain, use the opportunity to talk about how pain is the result of sin in the Garden of Eden (Gen. 3:16–19). Share with them the good news of the cross, the empty grave, and the new creation where pain and suffering will be gone forever (Rev. 21:4).

When your child expresses fear of climbing a tree or stepping into a batter’s box because they don’t want to experience pain, it’s not always helpful merely to force them to overcome this fear. Acknowledging their fear and praying together for God’s strength to do hard things can help them take the focus off of their ability and give them confidence in God’s sovereignty and care. When God does allow pain in your child’s life, encourage them that He will always give the grace and strength that they need (2 Cor. 12:7–9).

5. The Fear of Death

At some point your children will begin to understand what death is and may fear what will happen to them after they die. In Hebrews 2 the writer describes the fear of death as slavery for all human beings (Heb. 2:14–15). For those who have received the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ, however, death is gain (Phil. 1:21) and the sting of death is gone (1 Cor. 15:54–55) because to be absent from our earthly body means to be present with the Lord in glory (2 Cor. 5:8). When your children express fear of death (or even before they express it), take the opportunity to remind them of Christ’s death on the cross that defeated death. The Bible is full of stories of people who were courageous in the face of death such as David, Daniel, Stephen, and Paul. Instead of ignoring the topic of death, help your children understand the brevity of life and give them courage to be confident in Christ’s power over death.

Don’t Contribute to Your Child’s Fears

Your children’s struggle with sinful fear comes from an unbelieving heart, but you may be saying or doing something that contributes to these fears. Do you mention the word “divorce” during a heated conversation with your wife? Do you express frustration and disappointment when your child doesn’t perform well? Do you ignore their fears and expect them simply to get over them? Make sure your words and actions are not actually catalysts for the fears your children face.

Remember that your children listen to your conversations with other adults about politics and the economy. They watch how you value your possessions and how you talk about health struggles. It is fine to admit to your children when you experience fear about something, but make sure you also share with them how God’s Word is strengthening your faith.

You Are Not the Answer

We can’t always be there with our children when they are fearful. We can’t save them from every loss, rejection, or pain, but we can help them run to Christ when they feel afraid. Jesus is their Savior and the only one who can help them conquer fear. We can help our families meditate on truth by memorizing Scripture and singing songs that help them remember God’s character. As Martin Luther wrote in “A Mighty Fortress is Our God,”

<blockquote>And though this world, with devils filled, Should threaten to undo us, *We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us: The Prince of Darkness grim, We tremble not for him; His rage we can endure, For lo! his doom is sure, One little word shall fell him.</blockquote>

What Makes My Child Who He Is?

Kristopher Schaal — Tue, 22 Sep 2020 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do some children ‘turn out well’ while others do not?” Sometimes, two siblings will choose radically different life directions. We see this dynamic in the Bible with Cain and Abel and Jacob and Esau, just to name a couple of examples.

Many Christian parents are looking for a formula to ensure that their children trust Christ as Savior and please Him with their lives. Unfortunately, such a formula doesn’t exist. The hard fact is that nothing you do guarantees your children’s success. How should a Christian father respond to that truth? Should he throw up his hands and do nothing?

In his book Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp explains what makes children who they become and what parents should do in light of those things.

Your children are the product of two things. The first–shaping influence–is their physical makeup and their life experience. The second–Godward orientation–determines how they interact with that experience. Parenting involves (1) providing the best shaping influences you can and (2) the careful shepherding of your children’s responses to those influences.[^1]

The rest of this post will expand on that paragraph.[^2]

Shaping Influences

The first factor that makes a child who he is is shaping influences. What kind of home did the child grow up in? Were his parents believers? What kind of church did the family attend? Was their family wealthy or poor? What major events marked his childhood? Who were his friends? Did he receive a good education? All these factors and many others make up a child’s shaping influences.

It’s easy for parents either to underemphasize or overemphasize the significance of shaping influences.

Psalm 1:1 instructs us not to ignore shaping influences; “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners.” Romans 12:2 also warns “don’t be conformed to this world.” Instructions regarding shaping influences are all over Scripture!

Christian dad, do not ignore the significance of shaping influences on your children’s lives. Granted, there are some circumstances you cannot control. However, it matters where your kids go to school, who their friends are, and what they watch on TV. Be intentional about what influences you allow into your children’s lives.

However, at the same time, do not overemphasize the significance of shaping influences. There is a common misconception among Christian parents that if we just give our kids all the right shaping influences (the “right” school, church, internet filters, etc.), they will turn out well and that any less-than-ideal experiences will ruin them. This idea overemphasizes the significance of shaping influences and is refuted by stories of Bible characters such as Joseph, Daniel, and Naaman’s slave girl, who walked with God even though they were exposed to horrible situations as children.

How can you tell if you are overemphasizing shaping influences? Here are three indications.

You make excuses for them. “She’s just tired.” “It’s because he had sugar.” “She’ll grow out of it.” These are all excuses that parents will often use. But failing to see our kids as sinners will only hurt them. I saw a mom at the park once who yelled for her son to come, and he ran to the opposite side of the park. He knew he was in trouble for throwing mulch in a little girl’s eyes, but he refused to apologize. Finally, his mother apologized for him. She said, “I’m sorry he did that to you. He’s not normally like that.” I thought to myself, “Of course he’s normally like that! He’s a sinner!” The problem with making excuses for our children is that, while immaturity may be outgrown, sin is never outgrown.
You fail to engage in heart-level communication. If you can ensure your child’s success simply by controlling his environment, heart-to-heart talks can seem like an unnecessary waste of time.
You tend toward arrogance, depression, or blame-shifting. If everything truly hangs on your ability to control your child’s life, you either pat yourself on the back when he is doing well, or you despair or blame-shift when he is doing poorly.

Shaping influences are important, but they are not the whole story. The second piece that determines who your children become—something that matters even more than their experiences—is their Godward orientation.

Godward Orientation

Godward orientation is the condition of one’s heart in relation to God. Is He first place in your life?

Perhaps the primary battlefront in the Christian life involves the question, “Whom will you worship?” The fight to worship God alone and to desire Him above all else is perhaps the most important fight you will ever face. You must help your children fight this battle too.

How do you shepherd your children’s hearts toward the Lord? Here are a couple examples of what this might look like.

Example #1

Your teenage daughter Jessica is consumed with her appearance. She takes hours in the bathroom every morning, and she spends all of her money on makeup and clothes. You notice that Jessica is becoming harsh in the way she treats her siblings. Recently, she snapped at her brother when he asked to use the restroom. In addition, Jessica seems to be growing in pride. She is embarrassed by her sisters because they don’t wear the right clothes, and she almost had a meltdown when Dad asked everyone to wear matching shirts for family vacation.

How can you help Jessica with her Godward orientation?

First, you must help Jessica determine what she wants more than anything else. What does she think she needs in order to be happy? In this case your daughter probably craves the approval of others. Second, you must ask yourself, “What idol has made Jessica that promise? What does she value and worship rather than God?” In this case, it is the idol of appearance. Third, you must determine how Jessica is worshipping that idol. She is making sacrifices of time, money, and relationships to pursue it. Finally, explain how true satisfaction is found only in Christ. Seek to show her that the approval of people is fickle and that God’s approval is all that she really needs.

As you seek to help your daughter, remember that one of the most pernicious aspects of sin is that it blinds us to our own blindness (Jer 17:9). Jessica may not recognize the dynamics described in the preceding paragraph on her own. That is why it is your responsibility to gently show her those things and shepherd her towards repentance.

Example #2

Your four-year-old son Billy loves movies and TV shows. He would watch them all day if you let him. But Billy's love for TV is beginning to seem unhealthy. His favorite Netflix show is almost all that he ever talks about. He asks to watch TV frequently during the day and becomes frustrated when you tell him he needs to do something else.

What is Billy’s problem and how can you help him?

Like the teenage daughter in the preceding example, Billy’s fundamental problem is idolatry. Some people think that a four-year-old is too young to be an idolater. However, David testifies in Psalm 51:5 “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.”

That said, the way you deal with a young child is much different than how you deal with a teen. The same basic questions still apply (What does Billy want? What is his idol? How is he worshipping it? How are the things he wants found only in Christ?), but your conversations with Billy about these issues will be much simpler than your conversations with Jessica. Explain to Billy that TV is becoming an idol for him because it is more important to him than God and is causing him to disobey his parents. Tell him that true joy is found in knowing God and doing the work He gives us to do. (You may also choose to say that we won’t be watching as much TV for a while and that if he asks, the answer will be “no.”)

Sometimes Christian parents get the idea that the best thing they can do for their kids is to create the perfect environment and then hope (or pray) that their kids will turn out alright. But there is so much more to it than that! Besides simply shaping your kids’ environment, you must also tend to their Godward orientation. Seek to shepherd their hearts toward loving and serving the Lord.

[^1]: Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, p. 122. [^2]: The material in this post is based on chapters 2–3 in Shepherding a Child’s Heart.

Bible Rules vs Family Rules

Kit Johnson — Tue, 15 Sep 2020 00:00:00 GMT

A while back I was with a group of lower elementary age kids, when of all things a debate erupted over movie standards. It all began when one child spoke enthusiastically about a movie their family had recently watched only to be interrupted by another child who stated in no uncertain terms that the movie was bad. The first child pushed back, and suddenly, I felt like I was back in my college dorm having a good old movie debate.

More recently, I found myself in a similar situation. This time I was with my boys when another child stated in the most absolute terms that something we enjoy doing with our kids is bad. The statement blew past my boys, so there was no debate, but it caught my attention. I couldn’t believe these sorts of debates were already touching my 2 and 5-year-old boys. But more importantly I was grieved by how easily a child could miss the distinction between a clear Bible principle and a family conviction.

I can imagine how easily this can happen. Parents hold a conviction they firmly believe is the right application of Scripture, and they rightly want to pass it to their children. But in their zeal, they oversell their case by failing to distinguish what God actually said and how our family is trying to apply it. As a result, they unknowingly lead their children to believe, for example, that God says a particular movie is evil, when in fact God never actually said that.

For a time, simply saying, "X is bad" works. But once kids start interacting with each other and thinking for themselves, problems quickly follow. First, they are not prepared to interact constructively with peers who take different positions, and they are likely to make harsh judgments against them. Second, how will your kids respond when they realize that what mom and dad always presented as an absolute standard isn’t so absolute? This realization may significantly undercut your credibility as a moral voice not just on that issue but on a whole host of issues. Third, you haven’t equipped them to work through the process of developing biblical convictions, so they aren’t prepared to answer the questions their peers raise, and they may wrongly assume there is no case for your conviction. That’s how strict parents end up raising wild rebels who look nothing like them.

Your child may also buckle down and loyally hold the line with you, but that doesn’t mean you have succeeded. If he doesn’t grasp the distinction between Bible truth and personal convictions, you haven’t prepared him to pursue genuine holiness. He doesn’t know how to answer new moral dilemmas with discernment, and he doesn’t know how to respond to legitimate differing convictions with grace and love. This is a problem because the NT mandates both abilities (Eph 5:10; Rom 15:1–2).

Therefore, I want to urge Christian parents to be intentional in how you communicate convictions in your home with the desire to accomplish two important goals. First, you want to raise children who know how to apply Scripture to every question of life. Second, you want to raise children who are ready to edify (not just win an argument), when they face disagreement. And I’d like to offer 4 practical guidelines to help you down this path.

1. Ground everything in Scripture.

By the grace of God our goal is to pass our kids from standing under our authority to standing under the authority of God’s Word. When they leave our home, we want them to trust God’s Word, submit to God’s Word, and know how to use God’s Word. If that’s the goal, it’s never too early to start grounding your moral instruction in the explicit statements of Scripture. The more often you are saying, "The Bible says…" the better.

2. Avoid sweeping moral judgments where there is room for disagreement.

When kids are little, it’s easy to say, "This movie is bad," or "This style of dress is evil." Your kids trust you, and you eliminate the frustration of debate. But in many cases you aren’t being entirely truthful, because you are leading them to believe that God has said something he hasn’t actually said (at least not as explicitly as you have claimed). To be clear, I am not saying that there aren’t bad movies, styles of dress, etc., or that we shouldn’t make value judgments on such things. Rather, exercise great care in making sure that your value statements are rooted in Scripture and that you articulate them carefully.

You might respond, "Yeah, but small children can’t think abstractly, so they need black and white standards." That’s true, so I am not advocating for large cloudy swaths in the moral standards of your home. However, with some basic adjustments to how you communicate personal convictions, you can maintain an orderly home, grow strong convictions in your children, and lead them down a path of biblical discernment.

For my son’s birthday, we bought him a children’s storybook called, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/That-Little-Voice-Your-Head/dp/1527101592/" target="_blank">That Little Voice in Your Head: Learning about Your Conscience by Andrew Naselli</a>. I really like how the mother in the story explains to her daughter the difference between “Bible rules and family rules.” For example, suppose you have a conviction that we should attend all of our church’s weekly services. Rather than saying, “Skipping church is bad,” (even if you believe that) say, “Our family rule is that we will attend all of the weekly services because the Bible says the church should play a central role in our lives.” Yes, this kind of language may create more headaches for a time, but you are demonstrating to your kids the biblical foundation for why you do what you do, and you are also preparing them for how to respond when they see that their friend’s family only attends one service a week. If your child pushes back, stand your ground, but resist the urge to overstate your case. And you can always fall back on, “This is our family rule, and you must obey with a happy heart because the Bible says, ‘Children obey your parents.’” This answer may not satisfy your yearning to see your child embrace your conviction right now, but you’re better positioned to lead them to that point than if you cram it down their throats by overselling your case.

3. Intentionally teach your kids how to handle differing convictions with grace and humility.

It’s going to happen. At some point, your child will get frustrated that you are holding him to a higher standard than someone else’s parents. That’s tough. You don’t want to be the bad guy, and you want your child to embrace your conviction. One answer would be to withdraw from anyone less conservative, but your child needs to learn how to handle differences if he will ever function well in the church. Sadly, a more common solution is to go on the offensive and slander the other family. Your child complains, "Jane gets to wear this, why can’t I?" You retort, "I’m not her parent." The implication is that Jane’s parents are failing her, and if they were doing their job, Jane wouldn’t be wearing this either. You may feel better about yourself for putting Jane’s parents in their place, but you haven’t prepared your daughter to relate well to Jane. She’s either going to gripe about you to Jane or smugly look down on Jane for her ungodly dress.

You also need to prepare for the day when another child condemns something your family views as acceptable. Joey proudly marches off to school wearing his superhero shirt, and Billy crushes his world by pointing out the Satanic connections to this superhero. Joey comes home in tears, and you respond by calling out the hypocrisy of Billy’s parents and the absurdity of their position. You and Joey may feel better afterwards, but you’ve missed an opportunity to teach Joey how to handle differences, and you’ve encouraged a judgmental attitude that dishonors the Lord.

In all of these situations stay calm and be thoughtful. Give biblical answers to your children’s questions and assume the best about those who differ. Teach your kids how to love those who take differing but valid positions, how to not be offended by these differences, and how to talk about these differences.

4. Teach your children how to practice discernment.

The insecure, self-righteous parent is determined to have his kids grow up to look just like him. He spends 18 or 20 years arguing for particular standards, and he will likely graduate a child who is externally focused and unequipped to answer the new questions that are certain to arise. The better path is to see your job as being to teach your kids how to think and how to apply what the Bible says. Every time you have the kinds of conversations I’ve described you are taking another step in that process. You are driving them to see God’s Word as an absolute and wise authority. You are teaching them what God says. And you are showing them how a Christian who loves the Lord and wants to honor him struggles to apply the Word to the questions of life. You are setting an example of true Christianity, and this is worth infinitely more than the cost of slowing down, thinking, and talking wisely to your children.

If you have other practical tips to help our kids in this process, please share them below. Parents, let’s be thoughtful, not reactionary in how we speak to our kids, and more than we are worried about looking good or seeing our kids look a certain way, let’s be focused on building godly hearts and discerning minds. And let’s trust the Holy Spirit to perform the sanctifying work he promised to accomplish.

How Dads Wait on the Lord

Chris Pennington — Tue, 08 Sep 2020 00:00:00 GMT

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Waiting is painful. I still walk around the room talking with people at potlucks until the line is completely empty because I’d rather eat nothing than stand in a line.

Waiting sometimes even feels cowardly. It conjures up associated ideas like “passivity” or “laziness.” Real men act, right!? In our world waiting often carries these negative connotations only, but the Bible tells a different story.

God regularly commends waiting. Here is just a sampling (italics mine):

“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.” (Isaiah 64:4)
“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” (Lamentations 3:25–26)
“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!” (Psalm 37:7)
“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” (Micah 7:7)

But what exactly does it mean to “wait on the Lord”? How would you know if you were waiting on God? Let me suggest five, interconnected characteristics of waiting on the Lord.

Biblical waiting is…

1. Prayerful

When the Bible speaks about waiting on the Lord, it assumes or explicitly includes the act of prayer.

When rehearsing the failures of the Israelites, the psalmist summarizes, “They soon forgot his works; they did not wait for his counsel” (Psalm 106:13). What happens if you don’t look to God for counsel? You trust in yourself and look to others for help (Isaiah 31:1).

The first act of waiting, then, is prayer. This is why Paul commands, “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). We wait prayerfully, trusting God to hear us (Micah 7:7).

2. Dependent

Dependency is a law of the human experience. Like gravity, it exists whether or not we recognize it. You can, of course, pretend it doesn’t affect you, but life will be rather frustrating. God encourages another way:

“Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.” (Psalm 33:20)

What happens when we are dependent on God for help? “The Lord will fight for you” (Exodus 14:14), and so you should “…Stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you” (Exodus 14:13).

Pretending you’re an independent creature who doesn’t need help and protection is like living in a fantasy world. And fake worlds are notoriously difficult to live in.

Waiting on the Lord grounds you in reality as you recognize the law of dependency. Waiting on the Lord is to be dependent on the Lord. What would it look like? A dependent child asks for help, brags on his dad, marvels at his dad’s strength, and cries for help early and often.

3. Active

In common English, “waiting” basically means “doing nothing.” As you can already see, “wait” in the Bible, however, communicates something active and alive.

Let’s take a simple biblical example. God tells us to pray, but what does prayerful waiting look like? Is it passive and distant? No, it’s full of energy!

Why is it so active? Because it’s grounded in the reality that everything depends on God. Even while we work—especially while we work—we set our mind on the reality that God is at work.

The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord. (Proverbs 21:31)

Looking to God for help actually causes you to prepare the horse for battle. Here’s how the warrior-king, David, describes the activity of waiting on God:

The king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great strength….Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love…Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you. (Psalm 33:16–22)

If I can turn the perspective around in Psalm 127:1, “Because the Lord watches over the city, the watchman does not stay awake in vain.”

4. Expectant

If you scan the Bible’s references about waiting, you’ll see another word pop up constantly. It’s the word “hope.” It means something like “trust” or “putting your settled confidence in something or someone.”

“And now O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you” (Psalm 39:7).
“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him” (Psalm 62:5).

You can see why waiting is so active. If God is going to be at work, I’d better keep my eyes open! Biblical, hopeful waiting is like a child watching at the living room window for her dad to arrive from work. She waits because she knows her dad will come home.

5. Word-focused

Psalm 130:5 says, “I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope.” What is it we’re expecting God to do? We’re expecting He’ll fulfill His Word!

People who wait on the Lord love the Bible. Like Daniel, we read the Word of God and pray expectantly for Him to fulfill it:

I…perceived in the books the number of years that, according to the word of the Lord to Jeremiah the prophet, must pass before the end of the desolations of Jerusalem…Then I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him by prayer…. (Daniel 9:2–3)

God wants people to remind him of his promises, to actively pray with expectant hope for God to come to our aid. And so all five characteristics come together as God calls on people to “put the Lord in remembrance” (i.e., to remind him):

On your walls, O Jerusalem, I have set watchmen; all the day and all the night they shall never be silent. You who put the Lord in remembrance, take no rest, and give him no rest until he establishes Jerusalem and makes it a praise in the earth. (Isaiah 62:6–7)[^1]

Waiting for Dads

It’s time to add “waiting” to the characteristics of a godly dad. What would it look like for you to be a dad who waits on the Lord? You’d be active in prayer, expressing your dependence on God and expectantly hoping in His Word for answers and aid. Take a few minutes right now to posture yourself before the Lord as a child who waits on his Father.

[^1]: For some context, God has promised to provide deliverance to Israel, even swearing by Himself in verse 8. But he establishes people to wait (they’re watchman!) by unceasingly praying His own words back to him in expectation that He will come to their rescue.