--- title: "I Don't Do Pinky Promises" description: "Fathers can be careless with words and promises, but God calls us to be honest men who keep our word and bring stability to our homes." date: 2026-11-04 authors: Mike Diener category: Parenting tags: Fatherhood, Trust, Communication, Young Children, Parenting, Bible url: https://www.growingfathers.com/i-don-t-do-pinky-promises/ --- # I Don't Do Pinky Promises A few days ago, my daughter asked me to color with her. I had several things on my to do list before I could settle down, so I said, "I'll color with you after I finish my work." She looked at me with a frown, held out her finger, and said, "pinky promise me." Maybe she got the idea from a Bluey episode because we've never done pinky promises in our house. I shook my head and replied, "I promise that I will color with you when I finish my work, and Daddy doesn't lie to you. We don't need a pinky promise." Why don't I just pinky promise my daughter? What does it matter? Truthfully, the idea has always bothered me. If my kids can't trust my promise, why would adding an artificial layer make me any more trustworthy? Both James 5 and Matthew 5 address this topic. > James 5:12: But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation. > Matthew 5:34–37: But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil. James's goal is to show us that real faith in Christ leads to actions that we take. Matthew 5 is the introduction to the Sermon on the Mount. Part of what Jesus is doing in this passage is teaching about what people in the Kingdom of God are actually like. These two passages overlap in clarifying what followers of Jesus act like, and both tell us to keep our word rather than adding extra layers of promises that could open us up to greater judgment. ## Our Kids Need to Be Able to Trust Us God has appointed us to be leaders of our families. When the world is in chaos, the job of leaders is to bring stability. Our children rely on us for love, direction, wisdom, and basic necessities. The foundation of their reliance is trust. More importantly, our faith is rooted in a God that doesn't change, and the children in our care need to be able to trust us as we point them back to Him. A few nights ago, my daughter was asking me questions about God. Both of my children seem to have the best questions at bedtime. My daughter asked how she can trust God when things don't go the way she wants them to. I asked her, "When Mommy doesn't give you what you want, do you trust that Mommy is trying to do what is best for you?" My daughter thought about it and said "yes." I responded that while Mommy and Daddy don't always get everything right, she trusts us, and since God is perfect, we can trust Him even more when things don't go how we want them to go. She found this reassuring, and I'm thankful that my daughter can transfer her trust of her imperfect parents to trust in a perfect God. There are many ways a father's actions and words can create stability or destroy it. When we get angry and blow up, we bring fear to our families. When we follow through on our promises, we teach our families that they can trust us. If our children can't trust us in little things like when we agree to color with them, how are they going to trust us when we point them to Christ? Or worse, if they don't trust their earthly father, they may have a harder time trusting their Heavenly Father. ## Our Kids Need to Be Trustworthy We also need to teach our children to say what they mean. My son can't promise to do his school work after he plays with his friend and then forget to do it. My daughter can't promise to play a game with her brother and then decide she doesn't want to anymore. Our children must become people who follow through on their promises. Fathers have a responsibility to bring stability to our families. We have a responsibility to be faithful with what God has entrusted to us. We have a responsibility to do what we say we are going to do. And we have a responsibility to teach our children to do the same. We do our children a tremendous disservice if we raise them without accountability for their words and their promises. ## What Does Being Trustworthy Look Like in Practice? For me, it means paying attention to what I promise my kids. I can't use the word "promise" if I can't actually guarantee it. I can't agree to something unless I follow through on it. I've learned to use the word "maybe" instead of "yes". I've had to set myself a reminder to leave time to play a game with my son. I have even had to put off cleaning the kitchen in order to color with my daughter like I said I would. Sometimes, sticking to my word means following through on consequences that I have given my children. This is a good time to remind myself not to hastily and thoughtlessly throw out consequences. This is an area in which I personally must be mindful. Occasionally, being trustworthy means breaking household norms to keep my word. Like when I told my son that I would watch a movie with him but it got too late because I had too much going on. I had to own that with my wife and tell her that I had made a promise to him. Yes, it disrupted our schedule. Yes, he stayed up late. Yes, he was tired the next morning. But his dad kept his word, and ultimately that mattered far more than two missed hours of sleep. Can you pinky promise your kids? That's up to you. But whatever you promise, deliver on it, especially when it's hard. That's what God's people do.