5 Benefits of Reading with Friends

Back in 2013, I was invited to a men’s book study with a group of men from my church. Over the next 4 years, we would meet weekly on Fridays at Panera and discuss a chapter that we read throughout the week. We read books on business, productivity, Bible study, and a number of other topics. Those regular meetings to keep each other accountable to read and think through books carefully led to some of the most profitable reading (apart from Scripture) that I have done.

Since that time, I’ve frequently read through and discussed books with others. Each time I do it, I’m amazed at how much more I learn than when I just read a book by myself. Conversation with others can be incredibly profitable. Proverbs 27:17 confirms this truth: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

Consider some of the benefits of reading with others as a regular habit:

1. It keeps you accountable to be reading good books.

How many books did you read in the last year? Some of you know the answer immediately and could send a list. For the rest of us, we easily get distracted by less valuable things (sports stats, social media, the news, etc.). Knowing that you will be meeting with a friend or group of friends in a few days to talk about what you’ve read can be enough accountability to motivate consistent reading. Why not gather a group of friends to read along with you?

2. It provides profitable topics for conversation.

Do you ever get together with a friend and have a great time, but then later realize that you didn’t talk about anything important? We can certainly talk about important things without involving a reading assignment, but reading can help us to practice this. Think of it like training wheels on a bike. A good book can lead to many topics that we might not come up with on our own. When you develop a habit of talking about what’s important with friends, it’s easier to return to those kinds of conversations and topics.

3. It helps you to grow in discernment.

Not every book you read will be profitable. Every book needs to be compared with Scripture. Some books will contain clear errors, others may overemphasize a particular truth or idea, and some may not apply well to the context you are in. As individuals, we don’t always see these things clearly. Getting input from others as we consider ideas is wise whenever possible. Proverbs 18:17 puts it this way: “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” This verse warns against only considering your own opinion without letting others give input and point out the weaknesses with your perspective.

4. It broadens the range of books you read.

As I talk with people about the books they’ve read, there is usually a consistent pattern to the genres or topics they read about. We all have different interests. It’s not necessary that we all have uniform interests, but it’s certainly healthy to read broadly so that we can grow into well rounded believers and fathers. Philippians 2 makes it clear that we are supposed to consider others instead of only focusing on our own interests. One way that we can grow in this is to read what others would choose. Learn how others think and what interests them. Discussing it with them gives a bonus opportunity to understand what excites them about a particular topic. Maybe you’ll even gain a new interest!

5. It provides accountability to put into practice what you’ve read.

I recently read through a book that covered various spiritual disciplines with a group of other men. Whenever I see those guys, I think about asking them how they are growing in these areas. We spent so much time talking about our strengths and weaknesses, I feel much better equipped to discuss these topics with them. I know better how to pray for them. I think of texting them regularly to check in on how things are going. Many good books give us areas that we ought to grow in. Some provide direct application, while others will offer good opportunities for us to discuss takeaways. The shared experience of reading something together drives us to check in on each other.

How can you start?

There are numerous ways that you could start to practice reading with others. Depending on the season of life you are in (babies, young kids, older kids, etc.), it will probably look different at different times. Here are some ideas to consider:

1. Pick 3 friends who you would enjoy talking with and ask them to join you in reading something together.
2. Select a book together that is applicable to most in the group (check out the Growing Fathers’ Resources page for ideas).
3. Establish a reading and meeting schedule — twice a month can help alleviate some pressure, but sometimes doing it weekly for a season is better.
4. Find a place to meet — many may prefer in person, but if video chat works better for everyone, try it out!
5. Plan your discussion — consider questions like:
   • What did you learn?
   • Did you have any concerns or questions about what you read?
   • Is there anything should you change based on what you read?

Don’t forget that you can do this with your family too. Read a book with your wife and discuss it. On a recent trip, my wife and I listened to a book on parenting in the car and would pause to discuss it. Read with your kids too! When they’re young, your discussions will be shorter, but as they get older, your conversations will deepen.

God has designed us to grow in community with others. One way that we can do this consistently is by reading and discussing books together. If you aren’t doing this at the moment, I hope that you’ll try it out soon!