A Father's Greatest Responsibility

Most everything important in life takes some time to prepare for, whether that is a career, a vacation, marriage, enjoying your hobby, or even a trip to Costco. Not all those things are on equal terms—it took me about 10 years of formal training to prepare to be a pastor and usually it takes about 10 minutes to prepare to go to Costco.

When you have children in the home, it may feel like your role as a parent is to simply prepare your children for the next event on your calendar, getting things ready, checking on the homework, grabbing the sports equipment, making sure everyone has gone to the bathroom, etc. The daily grind can be exhausting, but don’t be deceived—how we live each day is preparing our children for the day when they launch out of our home.

That raises a very important but often neglected question: What are you preparing your children for in life? What is your ultimate goal in raising your children? What does success look like when they graduate high school or start their first job or get married?

Most people, and many Christians, spend far more time preparing their children for athletic, educational, or vocation success than spiritual success. How easily many people overlook, if not downright ignore, preparing their soul for what is truly important: having a heart that loves and follows Jesus and pursues Heavenly values here on earth. How sad. To paraphrase Jesus’s words from Mark 8:36-37—“For what does it profit a [son] to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a [daughter] give in return for [her] soul?” What good does knowing how to hit a baseball do if he doesn’t know the joy of serving Jesus? How important is it really if she gets into the top school but doesn’t get into Heaven?

These are sobering questions, but ones we must think about if we want to honor the Lord with our parenting. A parent’s greatest responsibility is to prepare their children to walk with Jesus and live for Him, doing whatever He calls them to do. If this overwhelms you and feels like too high of a bar to hurdle, be encouraged—the Lord will give you the grace. If this seems too vague and you wonder, ‘how in the world can I do this?’, take heart—the Bible will show you the way.

Ephesians 6:4 shows us how to embrace our greatest responsibility. It is like a pocket compass that points us in the right parenting direction and then keeps us heading the right way. It says: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” From this short verse we see three actions that enable us to prepare our children to walk with Jesus and live for Him.

1. Fathers, take the lead.

The verse is addressed directly to fathers, which is significant. A few verses earlier, Paul told children to obey their “parents”, so he could have easily commanded both parents to raise their kids in this way. But he doesn’t—he puts the responsibility on fathers to take the lead in raising their children.

To be clear, that doesn’t mean mothers have no role, or that single moms are doomed, or that a marriage with a passive father can’t prepare their children for the Lord (like Timothy). It does mean that God places the weight of responsibility on dads and gives the mantle of leadership in the home to fathers.

Fathers must take the initiative and lead the family, and your biggest cheerleader in this frightening endeavor is your wife. If she loves the Lord, she wants you to take the lead. Usually, she will be supportive and encouraging. So lean on her wisdom, but play the man and do what God calls you to do. And what God says next cuts to the heart: “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up.” This is a call to:

2. Nourish their spiritual lives.

There are two parts to this command. First, don’t provoke them to anger, or, positively stated, treat them with grace. Don’t crush them, and don’t exasperate them. By the way you lead and parent them, don’t incite anger in their hearts.

How can a father provoke their children?¹ With inconsistency in your methods or discipline. With harsh, angry words and attitudes. With coldness and emotional distance. With selfish parenting that either views your children as an obstacle to your comfort or as servants to your wishes.

Provoking prevents you from feeding them with the Word of God. The verb “bring up” means to provide food for, nourish. Just as you put food on the table for your children every day, so also you should be putting spiritual food on the table every day.

What this looks like will vary depending on what stage they are in, but some common things that apply to any stage of parenting are: take them to church, do family worship, pray with them, introduce biblical words and concepts into their vocabulary, and memorize Scripture. With these things, being consistent and persistent are Grade-A virtues.

3. Train them in the ways of the Lord.

The last part of the verse tells us how we are to raise our children: “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. Training is a great summary word for these activities.

I enjoy playing all sorts of sports with my three boys. As I train them in basketball, baseball or soccer, I teach them what to do, correct them kindly when they do it wrong, motivate them to work hard, practice with them to get better, and encourage them throughout the process.

Training them in the Lord’s ways includes two approaches: with discipline or correction and with instruction or coaching. This is what God gave us His Word for. Second Timothy 3:16 says, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” Dads use the Word of God to teach and correct, to coach and motivate over a long period of time. Take the long view, and stick with it over time.

Final Thoughts

A parent’s greatest responsibility is to prepare their children to walk with Jesus and live for Him, doing whatever He calls them to do. A parent can’t make a child turn out a certain way, but we can lead them to Jesus, show them His glory, and pray they choose to serve Him with their lives.