How to Pray for Your Unbelieving Children

One of the sports I enjoyed playing in high school was golf. As I chased the little white ball all over the New Hampshire countryside, I learned that different clubs do different things. A putter should not be used in a sand trap, and a lofted wedge would make a poor tee shot. Each club has a use that fits within its designed function, and the better I learn how to use each club, the better my game should be. (At least in theory…it never seemed to work that way for me!)

If we apply this golf club analogy to our parenting, we have many “clubs” at our disposal. The more we grow as fathers, the more skilled we become at using different biblical principles to point our children to Jesus and help them grow. For example, we see how encouragement often carries further than rebuke (tee shots); we learn how to lead a child to repentance when they have sinned (bunker shots); and we pray diligently for our children (putting).

Let’s take this analogy one step further. Each specific golf club has multiple uses, depending on the situation. A lofted wedge can be used to hit out of a sand trap, to chip onto the green, and to drop the ball into a small landing window (a “flop” shot). To use any specific club more effectively, we need to learn how to use it in different ways.

That principle is especially important when it comes to prayer. Prayer is one of the main tools of grace we use to shepherd our children. Yet it’s far easier to acknowledge the importance of prayer than it is to practice it well and use it effectively in many ways. I confess I often feel repetitive and shallow in my prayers for my children—perhaps you do too.

Borrowing the prayers of other people, especially saints of previous generations, supplies my prayer life with both freshness and depth. These prayers teach me to “hit different shots” in my prayer life instead of doing the same thing all the time.

A few months ago, I came across this prayer, entitled, “For Unbelieving Children”, written by Puritan George Swinnock (Into His Presence, ed. Tim Chester, 158-59). This prayer specifically focuses on interceding for children who have yet to make a profession of faith, and it gives four themes that we can pray often for unbelieving children, regardless of their age. I found it to be helpful, encouraging and challenging, and I hope it ministers to you as well.

First, Swinnock prays that:

1. God would show His grace and save them.

Specifically, he says:

Father of spirits, I pray for my children. Manifest your grace and goodness and wash them in the foundation opened for sin. As they bear the image of the first Adom, Cause them to bear the image of the second Adom. Let your grace be their beauty and the eternal weight of glory their portion. Cause them to hear your voice and live.

These lines highlight many scriptural truths, but especially the reality that God alone can save. He must shine the light of the gospel in their hearts (2 Cor. 4:6) so that those blinded by sin will receive spiritual sight.

2. Jesus would show compassion and receive them.

Swinnock continues:

Dear Redeemer, you said, “Let the little children come to me.” (Matthew 19:14) I bring them now to you; do not reject them. I present them to you in the trembling arms of my weak faith. Oh, lay your hands on them and bless them. Blessed Jesus, you know the pollution of their natures, the difficulty of their conversions, and the boundless wrath to which they are liable. Let your compassion yearn towards them, and your Spirit so accompany their instruction that in them you may see the suffering of your soul and be satisfied.

I love how he anchors his requests in Christ’s attitude of compassion towards children. How often we dismiss our children and send them away from us because we can’t be bothered, and how unlike Jesus we are at this point. Our Savior brought them near, and so we pray that they see the beauty of Jesus and come to him.

3. I, as their father, would model holiness for them.

The prayer changes trajectories here, shifting from the child’s heart to my example as their father:

And I pray that I may walk in the path of your precepts for the sake of those that follow me. May I be so pious in my words and works, so gracious in all my dealings and duties, that religion may be written fair through my conduct, and my children may with comfort follow my example. Lord, while others turn off the highway of holiness, let me, like the pillar of fire, go before my family to the land of promise, and shine as a true light to direct them in the way to everlasting life. I pray that as a parent of my children I may conduct myself as a child of my God.*

This reminds me that I myself am a child of God, even as I parent other children. We will never be perfect parents, but as we model humble, authentic faith, we will point them to the power of the gospel. The same grace that is changing us before their eyes can change them too.

4. Commit them to the Lord’s providence.

Finally, Swinnock prays:

Lord, my sons are your sons and my daughters are your daughters. Let your power prosper my labours while they are young, so that they may be prepared for that noble work which you plan for them in the other world. And when you send your servants to fetch them home, may they be conveyed by holy angels to your side, where I and the children whom you have given me shall love, and live, and rejoice with you for ever.

Here he remembers that my children belong to God, not me. It is exceedingly right to commit them back to the Lord, praying that God would use them mightily in this life and then convey them into glory.

Conclusion

Each of these points can be expanded and customized for your specific situation. By God’s grace, I pray this centuries-old prayer will help you become more like Jesus and apply the Bible to your parenting for the strengthening of your family and church.