10 Qualities to Make a Happy Home

When my wife and I were first married, it was our expectation to have a happy home. We expected that simply because we loved each other.

However, before and after our marriage we had lots of good communication, so we understood each other’s goals, ambitions, and opinions. We discussed all the key areas where couples need to find common ground—finances, parenting, in-laws, work opportunities, church, and long-term goals, and purpose in life.

We had discussions, not debates, and worked at understanding each other and coming to conclusions consistent with God’s will for us. We indeed had a happy home, but that does not mean it could not be improved upon.

Have you ever noticed when we would like things to change that we focus on how it would be better if the other person did the changing? After being married a number of years, I came across a thought that improved the happiness quotient in our home.

The thought was, “What could I do, all by myself, to improve the happiness in our home?” So, I started looking for things I could do to improve our happiness quotient.

Years later, I sat down and made a list of ten things I was learning which I believe had improved our joy and fostered peace in our home. They are all things I could personally control and do myself.

Therefore, they were my responsibility, and I could not blame anyone else for my challenges with them. The change did not happen all at once, but little by little over time.

1. I learned to work at taming my tongue.

We decided to never raise our voices with each other, especially when disagreeing. I have tried to practice this over the years, but my wife tells me she can tell when I am quietly yelling at her. I guess that proves that communication is more than just about words. I wonder how she does that because she is usually right! No yelling and no screaming is the norm in our home. (Proverbs 15:1; Philippians 2:1-4; Ephesians 4:29-32)

2. I’m learning to be considerate.

I am learning to pick up my own stuff and not be a sloppy slob, leaving a trail of stuff behind me. On the other hand, I do not need to be OCD about it either. Be neat, but not a nut! At the same time, however, I can tolerate occasional, purposeful clutter. (1 Corinthians 14:40; Proverbs 24:30-34)

3. I am quietly learning to be patient.

The Bible says in Colossians 3:19 that a husband should not be “bitter” toward his wife. Vincent’s Word Studies defines “bitter” here as being exasperated. Another commentary defines the meaning of the phrase as “friction that is caused by impatience and thoughtless nagging.”

Notice I said “I’m learning to be,” because I do not believe this is natural for men. The difference in the way men and women think and do things in general can at times cause men to become impatient and exasperated naggers. That ought never to be, but since it is not natural for men, it must be learned, developed, grown, decided upon, worked at, and eventually mastered.

I decided it must become my nature to BE patient with my wife, to BE kind and tenderhearted (Ephesians 4:32). Notice I used the word “BE” because this is not only an action but rather it is also an attitude of heart, a focus of the mind, and a state of being. Quietly learning to be patient means no yelling, horn honking, fuming, or grumbling. So, I am quietly learning to be patient with my wife, the love of my life.

4. I’ve learned to show proper physical affection.

I have learned to show public affection for my wife (without sexual intent). I am learning to hold hands as we walk in public, or not. I do this because it shows this is enjoyable, but it also shows unity, acceptance, affection, love, possession, appreciation, exclusiveness, togetherness, and also communicates the status of our relationship. (Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25–31)

5. I am learning to be satisfied.

I must be easy to satisfy regarding the material things of this world. My wife always called it “having a small wanter”! In order to do this, I had to remember:

• That being content is a learned skill and mind set – Philippians 4:10-20
• To grow in my trust and dependence on God – Hebrews 13:5-6
• To develop a view of life that reflects an eternal value system – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18; 5:7.

6. How to speak my love.

I am learning the value of repetition in communicating my love for my wife. I need to say “I love you” often and to back it up with actions of love, attitudes showing love, and other appreciative words and deeds.

7. How to speak about my wife.

I have learned when it comes to my wife to control what I am saying to others about her. I should never say negative or disparaging words, comments, or remarks about her to others in public. Public words must always be praising and blessing words, both in meaning and in tone. Loyalty to the love of my life is an absolute, not an optional, quality.

8. To value our complements.

I have been learning that my wife and I have different strengths and weaknesses. Instead of complaining, commenting, or contrasting one with the other, I am learning how we can complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses. I need to voice my appreciation for the help or work she does and identify how I can help or make her life easier—in the home, with the family, with her work, and with her calling and spiritual gifts.

9. To be consistent.

I have been learning the value of consistency by convictional character, not for convenience or by contrivance when it comes to my integrity of life. no hypocrisy between our private home life and our public life. Living a consistent Christian life gives my wife a sense of security and confidence in my leadership and commitment to her, to our family, to the Lord, and to the calling of God’s will in my life.

10. I have been learning to be humble.

It is hard to learn, but an absolute necessity. I must remember the whole world does not revolve around me. Humility vs. pride is a lifelong struggle for everyone, but especially for men as we deal with the challenges of life and relationships. I have learned from 1 Peter 5:5–6 and Colossians 3:12–14 that:

• Sometimes I am wrong!
• Sometimes I can eat Chinese.
• Sometimes I can go to a clothing store, a sewing store, or a craft store with my wife.
• Sometimes I can clean the cat litter box – albeit rarely.
• Sometimes I need to read the little 35-page booklet, “From Pride to Humility”, by Stuart Scott, the author of the Exemplary Husband.

I have much to learn and a long way to go. Please, God, help me get there. And by the way, my wife would appreciate it if it was as soon as possible!