Three Dangers of Fathering

The Lord calls all of us fathers to raise our children in his discipline and instruction (Eph. 6:4). One way he directs us in this task is through providing examples of fathering throughout Scripture (1 Cor. 10:11-12).

In this post, I want to consider one of the most striking negative examples of a father and reflect on how his story should alert us to three dangers that we can slip into that will ruin our families.¹

1st Danger: Apathy and Lack of Prayer for Our Children

Eli feared the Lord, and he expected his sons to grow up fearing the Lord. But that did not happen. Hophni and Phineas grew up into ungodly men who did not know or fear the Lord (1 Sam. 2:12). How did Eli respond to this? He probably had some concern for them, but did he grieve over them and plead with the Lord for them? Surely, we would find such a man bowing in earnest prayer at the tabernacle!

But throughout this account in Scripture, we don’t see Eli concerned for his sons or praying for them. Someone is praying, but it’s Hannah. She comes to the Lord, so anxious about the troubles in her heart and the problems in her home that she pours out her soul to the Lord (1 Sam. 1:15–16).

Is this still the case today, that only the mothers and grandmothers are the ones concerned enough to pray for the children? Let us rise up, O fathers and grandfathers! Let us bear on our hearts the burdens of the spiritual needs of our children and grandchildren. Let us go often to the Lord and pour out our soul’s desire for their salvation and true victory over sin.

O Lord, remove any apathy I have toward my children’s spiritual needs. Oh, please enable me to watch over them and pray over them earnestly and persistently.

2nd Danger: Honoring Family Above Honoring the Lord

From the time they were born, Eli probably expected that his boys would grow up to follow him in the service of priesthood. He looked forward to bestowing on them such an honor and keeping the priestly privilege in his family line. But when they reached the eligible age for ordination, he knew they were not qualified.

How could they display the priestly plaque, “Holy to the Lord”, over their heads (Ex. 28:36) when they lived wholly to themselves? He knew he should not ordain them. But what a shame it would bring on the family name, and how else would he keep the priestly privilege in his family?

Somewhere along the way Eli compromised what he knew was right and what honored the Lord. He ordained his ungodly sons to serve as “holy” priests. Later, the Lord directly exposed his motive, “You honor your sons above me” (1 Sam. 2:29).

Promoting his sons to a respectable position, securing the best opportunity for their success, and preserving his family’s honor became more important to Eli than honoring God’s high and holy name.

As fathers today, we too face temptations to prioritize our family too highly. Through gradual compromises we also may wrongly prioritize our family’s reputation, success, or comfort above honoring and obeying our Lord.

For instance, when facing serious struggles in our parenting, we may feel like keeping everything hidden, wanting to maintain the persona that we are great dads with nearly perfect kids. But the Lord is honored when we bear each other’s burdens (Gal. 6:2). We must be willing to humble ourselves and share our parenting struggles with those who know us, truly love us, and can help us with their prayers, encouragement, and advice.

O Lord, teach me to fear you more than I fear man and seek your honor more than my family’s honor and my own honor.

3rd Danger: Failing to Rightly Rebuke & Chasten Our Children

Eli’s compromises continued. Not long after his sons became priests, they began to use and abuse the religious system to fill their money pouches and fatten their bellies. They literally were stealing meat from the Lord, seizing some of the raw meat for themselves before it was even sacrificed (1 Sam. 2:15).

These filthy vultures kept polluting the people’s sacrificial offerings and blaspheming the Holy One of Israel. The Lord did not overlook this; their sin was “very great in the sight of the LORD” (1 Sam. 2:17).

But how did Eli respond to all this? He kept quiet. He knew his sons were committing grievous iniquity and blasphemy; he knew he was responsible to rebuke them and at least expel them from the priesthood; but he would not restrain his sons (1 Sam. 3:13).

Eli’s years of such neglect opened the way for his sons to degenerate even further. From gluttonous vultures to lusty stallions (Jer. 5:8), they began committing immorality with the women who served at the gate of the tabernacle (1 Sam. 2:22).

What appalling acts of gross evil were taking place right in the midst of God’s holy place! Yet Eli still remained quiet until the rumors went around and the bad reports came in. When he finally spoke up, it was no use. Hophni and Phineas would not listen to the voice of their father (1 Sam. 2:25).

They knew when a rebuke was not backed up by any real commitment to consequences. Their dad would not dare remove them from the priesthood or ever consider calling the community to lawfully stone them (Lev. 20:10). Because Eli still would not restrain his sons, the Lord sent him two messages of judgment (1 Sam. 2:27–36; 3:11–14).

Since Eli would not take action, the Lord would deal with Hophni and Phineas himself and bring judgment on the entire family (1 Sam. 3:13). As Spurgeon put it, because Eli spared the rod of rebuke, the Lord brought down the axe of judgment (C.H. Spurgeon, A Private Enquiry, Sermon No. 2184). What a tragic end, due to a father’s negligence.

Father, keep me from such negligence in discipline. Enable me to be a father who faithfully rebukes and chastens my children in love just as you do. I pray in the name of your obedient Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Conclusion

Over the past year, God has consistently used this sobering account as a warning bell in my mind . Many times, when I was tired or unwilling to drop what I was doing to deal with a parenting issue, the Holy Spirit reminded me, “Don’t ignore your children’s sin! Remember Eli.”

I pray this story will help us fathers to recommit ourselves to faithfully discipline our children, no matter what sacrifices it requires of our time and energy. Yes, we must be careful not to be nit-picky dads who constantly rebuke our kids for their numerous imperfections (Prov. 19:11); that only discourages them (Col. 3:21).

But we must keep doing the hard work of rebuking and chastening our children when they sin, just as our Father does with us (Heb. 12:6–7). May the Lord rescue us out of all these dangers and grant us the great joy of seeing our children walking in truth (3 John 4).