God’s Gift of the Conscience for Parents

Parenting is filled with surprises. You may be surprised by what you are able to accomplish when you haven’t slept well in many weeks. You might be surprised by something that your child shares at the dinner table. For example, “Dad, I learned that a group of giraffes is called a tower.”

Recently, I was surprised in a different way. I was surprised by the mixed emotions that I felt when my son didn’t try to conceal his sin. Earlier in the day, my son and I had a conversation about technology. I had observed that he, like so many other children, was struggling to understand how to use technology for good without letting it absorb too much time.

He agreed that this was a temptation and he told me that he would abide by the rules that his mother and I had laid down for the use of technology. A few hours later, I couldn’t find my son in the house and he wasn’t responding to my voice. I located my son in an out-of-the-way spot in our house as he tried to conceal the use of technology from me.

He heard me coming and he tried his best to hide what he was doing, but to my surprise, when I asked him what he was doing, tears began to well up in his little eyes. Through those tears, he confessed, “Dad, I was doing what you said I shouldn’t do. It’s just so hard to obey when you’re so tempted by something.”

These are the moments that a Christian father prays for. You might be asking, “Are you praying for your son to disobey?” Certainly not! I am praying for my son to recognize what sin is and for him to acknowledge the influence that it can have on him.

By God’s grace, I sensed the great importance of this moment in my son’s life and I put off what I was planning to do in order to be able to sit down with him and talk.

We talked about the importance of obeying your Father and Mother. We talked about the danger of technology addiction and finally, we talked about why he felt the way that He did when he realized that he had been caught. This final part of our conversation took us to the biblical truth concerning the conscience.

What is the Conscience?

Perhaps you, like many others, would admit that you have a vague understanding of the conscience. You might be thinking of the angel and the devil on your shoulder. You might have been led to believe that the conscience is the same thing as the Holy Spirit.

Andy Naselli, in his excellent book Conscience: What It Is, How To Train It, and Loving Those Who Differ, offers the following definition of the conscience: “The conscience is your consciousness of what you believe is right and wrong”. Naselli elsewhere writes: “The guilt that your conscience makes you feel should lead you to turn from your sin to Jesus. God gave you that sense of guilt for your good.”

The Conscience and Parenting

Each of us has a conscience, and with our conscience comes a profound responsibility. We must see this gift of our conscience as a stewardship. How does this apply to our role as fathers?

Once we realize what the conscience is and that our wife and our children each have one, we must then seek to capitalize on every opportunity to mold their conscience around God’s revealed truth. Their conscience is an invaluable asset in the task of leading our children to the Lord and cultivating a Christ-honoring home. We can be confident that as we faithfully teach them the truth, God will use that truth in their lives.

The Conscience and Love

In addition to this, consider the words of Paul as he writes to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:5:

Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith.

Paul is instructing Timothy to deal with the false teachers whose false teaching had damaged the church.

Verse 5 of chapter one is Paul’s rationale for why Timothy needed to stop the false doctrine from spreading. His love for Christ and the church and the believer’s love for one another were all critical to the healthy spiritual life of the church. Who among us doesn’t desire to have a home that is characterized by Christ-like love?

Paul goes on to tell Timothy that in order for love to be at the center of their lives, it must be undergirded by three things - a pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith. Purity of the heart is possible only as the Word of God is known and applied to the inner man by the Holy Spirit. A pure heart will be a heart that truly loves God.

This leads to a good conscience that has been informed by the truth. Finally, the result of both of these things is a sincere faith. This kind of faith is consistent. What you say is matched by what you do. These three things work as a three-stranded cord of love in the life of the believers. This is what we are seeking to foster in our homes.

Trusting God and His Word

At this point, we need to answer a scary question. What if my child rejects the truth and their conscience is hardened? This is what every Christian parent fears. Let me suggest that though this is a possible outcome, we must not be paralyzed by this possibility such that we fail to teach our family the truth.

We need to remind ourselves that it is the truth that God uses to shape the inner recesses of the heart (Romans 10:17). It may sometimes seem like we’re not getting through, but remember:we’re not the ones who have the power to get through in the first place (Acts 2:37). Our job is to teach and God is pleased to use His Word to transform (Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 3:18).

This is not to say that we shouldn’t teach in a relatable way, but we also shouldn’t over complicate the truth. When they are young, we teach them the basics in a simple way and as they grow, we adapt our teaching style to their stage of development. This certainly takes time, practice, and patience, but it is always best to give God the benefit of our doubt.

By God’s grace, may we capture every moment that God provides in order to teach our children God’s life-transforming truth.