Shepherding Your Child Through Life's Transitions

Life is filled with various transitions. These transitions may include moving to another city, parents taking on another job, and children needing to attend a new school. As men and fathers, we often forget that we do not go through these “life-changing” moments alone. We must deal with the uncertainty, fear, anxiety, and discouragement while shepherding our families. And they often are more impacted by our responses than we know or realise. In this article, I want to focus on how we can shepherd our children through these moments of transition.

For some children it may seem as if they are unaffected by these things, but the reality is that every child is affected every time. So how can we, as fathers, love and encourage them to find their stability in God’s unchanging character and purposes? Here are five steps to shepherd your child’s heart through transition.

Listen to Them

James’ words provide so much wisdom for fathers, “be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger (1:19).” When our children are wrestling with the reality of change, it is tempting for us to dismiss this struggle. As fathers, we often immediately rush to telling our children what they are doing wrong or how they should be thinking about the situation. These things may be true, but we have neglected to come alongside our children and share in their struggles. One of the best ways we can do this is to simply listen to them. Let them speak. Ask them how they are handling the move? Ask them how they are dealing with being in a new place and making new friends? Listening to them will go a long way when it comes to gaining their trust in order to speak truth to them.

Grieve with Them

Telling your child to get over it is not the best solution to shepherding their hearts through this transition. They do need to be held accountable for their attitudes (we will get to this in the next point), but we must allow their hearts to grieve. However minimal such a move, assignment, or change may seem to us, it is extraordinarily big to our children. Don’t dismiss their heart’s struggle. And don’t miss the opportunity that their struggle presents to grow in their knowledge of God and His love for them. The psalms are filled with cries of grief (13:1-2, 6:6, 42:3). And God welcomes our grief and “sympathizes” with us (Heb. 4:15). We must allow our children to grieve, but we must NOT allow our children to stay in their grief.

Hold Them Accountable

If our children are going to overcome their grief, we must hold them accountable. We are there to guide, protect, and, if necessary, correct. Our children are still growing, both physically and spiritually. The natural impulse of their flesh will be to hold on to their grief and pain. They may easily slip into the trap of bitterness. So, there is a point where we come alongside our children and say, “You must move on.” We do this slowly, with much grace, but we must do this. We need to gently disciple our children to accept the transition and submit to God’s will so they can pray the prayer of Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Prioritize Time with Them

It is possible to listen to our children, give them time to grieve, speak truth into their lives, but then neglect this fourth and vital point. We must prioritize time with them. What our children need more than anything during a move or major transition in their life, is time with their parents. As fathers, we should lead in this. This may mean that you need to shift your mornings around. Or maybe it means that you pick them up from school on certain days. It could also be that you schedule Saturday mornings as “kid’s time.” But whatever strategic ways you find to spend time with your children, make sure that it happens. Brothers, we only have these children for a short time. Let’s not neglect to be with them while they are here.

Find New Joys in Your New Place

One of the best things you can do for your children after you have transitioned to a new place, is to find ways in which this new place is enjoyable. Our broken hearts often believe the lie that our previous situation was “the good ole’ days.” And yet, Scripture encourages us to “press on toward the goal” while we “forget what lies behind (Eph. 3:13-14).” This does not mean we are not grateful for where God previously had us, but it does mean that we look to the future. Your children need to see, from your example, that their new home and school are also enjoyable. So, whether it is a new evening routine at home or a new restaurant that you take them to, let your children see that there are new joys to be found in your new place of life and ministry.

Conclusion

Moving to a new place can be hard. Attending a new school can be scary. Leaving everything you’ve ever known can be extremely challenging for our children. But let’s not waste these parenting opportunities through our lack of listening and engaging. Let us allow our kids to grieve while directing their hearts to the unchanging truth of who their God is. Let us shepherd their hearts through life’s transitions. And as we do this, let us show our children that God has an ultimate plan that goes beyond our comprehension, but we know and trust that His plan is good, even in a new place or circumstance.