Making Space for Awkward Conversations with Teens
Fathers must make time to teach their children, which requires growing your relationships with your children so much that you can have “awkward conversations.”
Author’s Note: View Zach Sparkman’s article on praying for your sons.
Of all God’s good gifts to me, my daughters are certainly three of the most precious. Don’t get me wrong; I love my sons! But there is something about a daughter…. (Girl dads, you understand.)
When Zach asked me to write a follow-up to his article about praying for sons, a couple of thoughts came to mind. I was reminded of this beautiful scene from Fiddler on the Roof as well as my own prayer cards for my daughters, which are littered with requests for their futures.
However, as I thought more about this topic, I was also convicted that I do not pray for my daughters nearly enough. The words of Samuel are a rebuke.
Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD in ceasing to pray for you; but I will teach you the good and the right way (1 Samuel 12:23).
If, like me, you’re burdened to pray more for your daughters, Ephesians 3:16–19 is a great place to start. I see three requests for my girls from this passage.
…that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man… (Eph 3:16)
You may think of strength as more of a masculine virtue, but I pray for strong daughters as well! Of course, the most important kind of strength is spiritual strength. This includes…
This kind of strength comes only through the filling of the Spirit (Eph 5:18).
You may be acquainted with a Christian woman who is the strongest person you know. Let’s pray for daughters like that.
…that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith… (Eph 3:17a)
Little girls love to “play house.” Older girls enjoy decorating their rooms with stuff that they bought from Hobby Lobby. However, your daughter’s greatest need is for Christ to be at home in her heart. (See also John 5:1–11.) According to Paul, Jesus is at home in our hearts as we walk by faith.
If my daughter trusts God, she’ll obey Him. She will submit to God’s plan for her life even when it’s different from what she had planned. This gets harder the older she gets. What if God’s plan is for her to endure a painful physical condition? What if she loses her friends or, one day, her spouse or a child? Let’s pray that our daughters will walk by faith through those valleys.
…that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge… (Eph 3:17–19a)
It is commonly stated that what men need most is respect/admiration and what women need most is love/security.1
Daddys can help their daughters feel secure by loving them selflessly. However, my daughter’s chief security should flow from her knowledge of Christ’s unconditional love.
Paul says three things about Christ’s love in this passage.
Paul speaks of the “width and length and depth and height” of Christ’s love for us. It reminds me of a song I learned as a kid when the Pettit team rolled into town. “The love of Jesus is so wonderful… because it’s higher than the mountains; it’s deeper than the oceans; it’s wider than the universe….” My daughter should marvel at God’s love as if she were standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon or staring up into the Milky Way.
Of course, the love of Christ is manifest in His death for us on the cross.
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom 5:8).
Christ’s love for my daughter is not like a math lesson she learns on Wednesday and then knows that fact. God loves her so much that she could study His love for a lifetime and still not fully comprehend it.
Speaking of v. 17, commentator Peter O’Brien says that God’s love for believers is “the soil in which [they] are rooted” and “the foundation upon which they are built.”2
Your daughter’s sense of her daddy’s love provides stability, but her sense of God’s love is her ultimate stabilizing force. Her daddy’s love helps show her what God is like, but Christ’s love grounds her daddy himself! Let’s pray for our daughters to be at peace, knowing how much they are loved.
Dad’s, let’s recommit to praying for our daughters—that they would flourish in God’s love for them.
Fathers must make time to teach their children, which requires growing your relationships with your children so much that you can have “awkward conversations.”
Help your child conquer fear with four spiritual steps: listen and care like God, ask foundational questions, equip with the Bible, and teach about God's glory.
To teach our children biblically and effectively, we must employ not only lecture-style instruction but also what Lou Priolo calls “milieu instruction.”
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