Happy Wife, Happy Life?

“Happy wife, happy life!” Today, that saying almost comes off as a bit selfishly patriarchal and pragmatic. To get the happy life you ultimately want, you just have to appease your wife sometimes. Or on the other side of the coin, maybe it’s taken as matriarchal where Mom has to get what she wants at all costs.

But properly couched, perhaps that saying is not as selfish and “toxic” as some would think. Encouraging your wife as God intends generally helps her be more of who God wants her to be—as a Christian, as a wife, as a mom.

Now, your happy life is not the goal— God’s glory through your Christlike love for her is—but it may be a blessed benefit of your pursuing good for your wife.

“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7). This short article will help you “understand” in a small way and help you “live” in some practical ways with your dear wife.

Understand Your Wife

Consider this, near the beginning of your day.

“Bye, honey.” And you’re off to conquer the world, your day of work.

But what is your wife off to do? Likely, she’s already been up doing stuff, and now that her reinforcement has left, she has to ramp things up in dealing with the ever-active children.

The ones who come up with activities that you never thought you’d need to specifically prohibit. Hypothetical examples could include walking around the house with crayon in hand, tracing along the wall. Secretly opening craft paint. Giving oneself a new haircut. All usually while Mom’s on the phone.

And the shopping, the planning, the birthday gifts, the endless meals, the endless laundry.

Your wife probably has a more stressful day than you, Dad.

If she mostly stays at home with the kids, stress. (Of course, you already know this if you’ve ever stayed home all day two days in a row without her. That’s why she sometimes wants to hide in the pantry and eat cake!)

If she has vocational responsibilities not at home, maybe more stress.

So what is one way you can “live with [your wife] in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7)?

Give Her Refreshment

Give your wife refreshment. Chances are, she’ll better be able to be the wife God intends her to be in the long run. From another angle, give your kids’ mom refreshment. Chances are, she’ll be able to be a better mom. In a very real sense, loving your kids includes encouraging their mom.

What kinds of refreshment?

Spiritual Refreshment

Help guard her personal time with the Lord. Don’t bother her during that time. Don’t let the kids bother her during that time. Make sure she knows she can buy what she’d like for spiritual enrichment. Make space for her to attend your church’s ladies’ Bible studies.

Physical Refreshment

Appropriate levels of physical activity relieve stress, and that’s God’s good design. Help set your wife up for success with exercise endeavors she may have. Adjust your routine to make way for it. Let her carve out the time she needs to prioritize it. Let your budget have a little room for it.

Isolation Refreshment

Not like Aaron Rodgers’ darkness retreats. But would she want a morning out by herself clothes shopping—I’ve been told that can be “memorable” with two small children in tow—or errand running or reading a book in a coffee shop? Help her make that happen. She and another mom could swap weeks watching each other’s kids to let the other mom have that alone time. Somehow or another, help her have some alone time—some space to think and to do and to refresh.

Social Refreshment

Would she be energized and encouraged by getting together with a friend for dinner every so often? You can do a frozen pizza, a game, and bedtime with the kids. Send her out for a day trip with some friends. Maybe you should be one of those friends with whom she enjoys social refreshment (i.e. schedule the date and line up the babysitter.).

Unique-to-Her Refreshment

This one’s not quite parallel to the others above, but it applies to each of them. Help your dear wife in ways that are uniquely refreshing to who she is. (Hint: they might not be the same as your ideas of refreshment.) So ask.

Conclusion

Life is going to have stress and busyness. Some seasons more than others. So invest in the long term, multi-faceted wellbeing of your wife by helping to build regular refreshment into her life.