How to Respond When Home Gets Chaotic

Have you ever been hit with a volley of voices and volume?

If you’ve not recently watched The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, let me set a scene for you. In the scene building to the main battle, before the Orcs (the bad guys) are in view, the Rohirrim (the army of the good guys) are standing ready on the wall. There is a ringing silence and stillness as they wait for their enemy, and then it begins to thunderstorm. It’s quite literally, the “calm before the storm.”

When the battle first begins, the Rohirrim fires a “volley.” All the archers shoot together on command. If you do minimal research on a volley, the effectiveness went beyond the sheer volume of arrows fired. It was a psychological tactic. It was intended to overwhelm and disorient.

When was the last time you got home from work or were bringing your mind out of some anxieties or stresses and you got hit with a verbal volley that you weren’t ready for? In that moment it is really tempting to want the calm, not the storm!

You were disoriented, and perhaps either stunned into silence or overwhelmed into an outburst. How do we manage the constancy of noise and volume of words that naturally come with kids? Our children aren’t the enemy. No one’s calling anyone’s kids orcs here! Our impatience is the enemy. I hope to share with you not what I’ve learned, but what I’m learning, about how to engage with the constancy of voices and volume with three strategies.

Attentively: Readying to Respond

How do we receive the volley of volume with readiness? We prepare our spirit and our ears.

In order to prepare our spirit, we must draw from God’s means of gospel-preparation. They are sufficient for the greatest of trials or the most minimal of parental temptations. Take up the armor of God in Ephesians 6.

I can’t explain here how every piece of the armor provides unique preparation (you should study that yourself), but the undergirding principle of the text is more than sufficient for this struggle. That principle is in verse 10, Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. You and I will not be ready for any battle if we’ve prepared in our own strength .

We will be prepared to face the volley of volume and voices only if we’ve readied ourselves in the Lord’s grace and strength. How do we do this?

• Ready yourself in the Word by reading and reflection.
• Ready yourself in prayer, either proactively or reactively.
• Ready yourself through faithfulness and accountability to the church.

Ready your ears, or, listen! Sometimes the initial shock and confusion of noise causes an immediate shut-down of patience, and subsequently, the ears. Listen to your children carefully. Decipher the words and determine the needs.

We mustn’t accidentally shut our ears to actual needs simply because we didn’t have the patience to hear it out. Proverbs 18:13 says If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. I wonder how often what we believe is folly in other’s words really just reveals the folly in us. As much as our kids need our hands for hugs and our eyes for protection, they need our ears for interest and affirmation.

Compassionately: Absorbing the Barrage

It is not enough to hear the words. We should hear them attentively and absorb them compassionately. We should be affected by them.

God’s Spirit convicted me profoundly recently. I was reading through Daniel in my Bible reading and observed a remarkable truth. You probably know that Daniel’s prayer life is a pretty big deal in the book. I was struck, though, by God’s responses to Daniel’s prayers. Three times (9:11; 10:11; 10:19) Daniel receives an answer from God, delivered by an angel. God says the same thing to Daniel in each of these three responses, “Daniel, you are greatly loved.” As Daniel pours out his aged, exiled, and pained heart, God assures him first, that he is greatly loved.

Now consider this. God absorbs the voices of his children, all over the planet, in all time zones, every time they pray. He doesn’t hear them as a mass, an uproarious crowd. He hears them as individuals, with unique needs, one-of-a-kind pains, and specific struggles. Yet, to all of his own, he assures us that we are greatly loved.

Compassion is naturally a condescending love. Your children have little trials, but they are their trials. They have little knowledge of our burdens but we should have great compassion for theirs. Assure them of your great love even as they bring the most minimal of needs.

Instructively: Analyzing the Counterattack

While we should allow kids to be kids and care about what they say, the reality is sometimes childishness becomes foolishness and we need to help safeguard them from this. I’m going to suggest three loving counterattacks that may be necessary.

1. Evaluate the quantity

Remind them that you know they have a lot to say, but they should practice thinking before speaking. Try to help them minimize wasted words. Teach them Solomon’s math for the mouth. More words = more sin (Prov. 10:19).

2. Reminders of respectfulness

If you have rules to control chaos (not drain fun!) then you should be carefully enforcing them. The more uncontrolled speech becomes, the more disrespect will follow. Regularly bring them back to obedience and honor (Exo. 20:12; Eph. 6:1-2) and remind them that their words are vital for this.

3. Identify teaching times

We should discern between childishness that can be understood (that’s part of compassion) and foolishness that shouldn’t be tolerated. If they say something or ask something that instigates a teaching moment, take it! If they sin with their words, connect their words to their hearts (Luke 6:45) and warn them of the seriousness of their words (James 3:2-8). Be patient though, and don’t sin with your words attempting to correct the sin of their words.

Conclusion

This is a daily battle that requires daily readiness. We should pray that God our Father gives us ears like his, motivated by a heart like his, to answer the needs and address the words of our children as He does.