Planned Parenthood

If you had asked me as a teenager how many children I planned to have, my answer would have been a definite zero. At that time, I was not a believer, and I had little concern for what God wanted for my life.

After becoming a believer in college, I began to care about God’s will and assumed children would probably be part of my future. Even then, however, I must admit that I still thought of children primarily in terms of how they would benefit me and my wife.

Soon after our marriage, God blessed us with our first child, and then with two more over the next four years. My wife’s pregnancies were particularly difficult. During her last pregnancy, she was on complete bed rest, and I had to change IV bags daily to provide her with necessary nutrients. On the advice of our physician, we had medical procedures done to prevent another pregnancy.

At that point in my life, in my late twenties, my perspective on children began to change. I moved from thinking that children were primarily for our benefit to seeing that children are part of God’s good design and connected to the creation mandate (Genesis 1:28; Genesis 9:1; Genesis 17:6; Malachi 2:15; 1 Timothy 5:14). We are called to be fruitful and multiply, filling the earth with faithful image bearers. I understand this as a general biblical principle, while also recognizing that having children is not feasible for everyone.

Even though the doctors strongly encouraged us not to have more children, we wrestled with whether we had done the right thing. Should we have followed wise practical advice, or should we have trusted the Lord with the outcome? Of course, following practical advice and trusting the Lord are not mutually exclusive; in fact, I think they often overlap. Still, we wondered whether we had taken matters into our own hands.

Medical procedures were not enough to stop God from bringing more children into our lives. Although we were unable to have more biological children, God had plans to add parenting opportunities to our home. Two different cousins lived with us while they were attending college. Later, we had the opportunity to welcome a student from China into our home. He came when he was 12, stayed with us until he finished college, and still considers us his mom and dad. Over the years, several others have come in and out of our home, some for a few months and some longer, including friends, relatives, and foreign exchange students. Over the last two years, we have been fostering four children and are now in the process of adopting them.

Of our thirty-four years of marriage, thirty-one have been spent raising children under our roof. Quite the irony for the one who once insisted parenthood wasn’t in the plan.

Parenting in a Child-Optional Age

Today, the world often regards parenting as a burden. We see this in voices that celebrate sexual autonomy, couples who prize the freedom of life without children, and cultural messages that treat children as obstacles to travel, leisure, and personal ambition. We also see it in broader demographic trends: U.S. birth rates have fallen sharply over the last several decades, and abortion remains a significant part of our cultural landscape, even as the numbers have shifted over time.¹ These statistics do not prove that every individual rejects children, but they do reflect a culture that increasingly treats children as optional additions to a self-designed life rather than gifts entrusted to us by God.

I am not suggesting that it is inappropriate to carefully evaluate your capacity when considering how many children you should have. Understanding your physical, emotional, and financial constraints (and praying about them) is wise. I do not intend to add unnecessary guilt to anyone who has not had children or who has chosen not to have children. However, perhaps you are like me and need your perspective on parenting adjusted. Parenting is not merely a lifestyle choice; it is a blessing that honors God (Psalm 127:3–5).

The world teaches us that children are a hindrance to accomplishing our goals. Scripture teaches us that raising godly children is part of the goal (Genesis 1:28; Matthew 19:14).

Who are my children?

Just as Jesus, in His interaction with a lawyer (Luke 10:25–37), expanded our understanding of who our neighbor is, we may need to expand our understanding of who our children are. Parenting is not only about caring for our biological children. It can extend into other relationships. This means that even if biological parenthood is unavailable to you, you can still, and should, be involved in the work of nurturing, guiding, and discipling the next generation.

God is the perfect Father, and because He is a triune God, He has always been a loving Father (John 17:24). As His image bearers, we should reflect His fatherly care by nurturing, protecting, instructing, and encouraging those He places in our lives.

In 1 Thessalonians 2, Paul describes his relationship with the Thessalonians using the language of a mother (1 Thessalonians 2:7), a father (1 Thessalonians 2:11–12), and a brother (1 Thessalonians 2:9). Yet he was not biologically related to them. He emphasizes nurturing, exhorting, encouraging, and setting an example. The goal is to help others walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls them into His kingdom and glory (1 Thessalonians 2:12), which echoes the broader purpose of bearing God’s image faithfully in the world.

If you are reading this article on a website about growing fathers, you are probably already a father and do not need to be convinced about whether being a father is a good thing.

Perhaps you have a young, difficult child, or several children, and parenting is much harder than you expected. You may be wondering whether it is really worthwhile. It is! You are following God’s good design, and He will give you the grace to persevere.

Maybe having children of your own is impossible or unwise. You can still parent. That might happen through fostering or adoption, or it might simply mean looking for children in your church or neighborhood who need encouragement, instruction, stability, or help.

You might be an empty nester who assumes your parenting days are behind you. Of course, if you have children, even if they are out of the home, you can still parent them (see this article for more about that). Beyond your own children and grandchildren, there are many opportunities to continue offering fatherly care to others.

Conclusion

Maybe you are a planner and like things to go a certain way. I can relate. If you had told me when I was 20 that I would have eight children, I would have thought you were crazy. Yet I can honestly say that God has been exceedingly gracious. It has not always been easy, but God has been faithful to parent us as we have parented our children. My encouragement to you is this: if you have children, receive parenting as a beautiful and worthwhile calling; and if you do not have children of your own, seek opportunities to be involved in the lives of those who need parenting.

Footnotes

1. What the data says about abortion in the US | Pew Research Center ↩