Blessed are the Meek Fathers

“Dad, do you want to play a game with me?” I looked up to see my 6-year-old daughter Lucy staring at me with her round, eager eyes. It was the third or fourth time she had asked me in the last 20 minutes or so, and I had already let her know I was hoping to enjoy a few bites of my leftover Reese’s peanut butter cup birthday cheesecake before I committed to any further excitement. It was Sunday afternoon, and Sunday afternoons are hard for me, being a pastor. I am usually mentally and physically worn out from the events of the morning. As Thomas Paine so aptly opined, “These are the times that try men’s souls.”

We did end up playing a game together, and I did by grace respond well in that particular moment. But I mention this moment because it is fresh on my mind, and fatherhood is defined by a million little moments like these. I will be the first to confess I have not always responded well to the needs of my family in times of exhaustion. But the calling to care for those we love and lead never stops—we are on the clock 24/7. How do we grow to become better leaders when the demands seem too high? How do we consistently take responsibility for those under our care in a gentle, humble way, like Jesus, who said he was “gentle and lowly of heart” (Matthew 11:29)?

Recently we have been going through John Stott’s Bible study on the Sermon on the Mount with our youth group. I want to share a few insights from that study that have helped me in this battle to be a faithful father. In this famous sermon, Jesus takes time to explain to his disciples what it looks like to be a citizen of the kingdom of heaven. Each of the beatitudes, or blessings Jesus proclaims, are marks of a true kingdom citizen. To be blessed by God means his favor rests upon you, he smiles over you, he is presently with you, empowering you in your spiritual walk. As Christian fathers, we can know that God is well-pleased with us as we embrace these kingdom citizen qualities. And we can personally experience his power in our lives.

Here’s how. Jesus “opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:2–5). I believe there is a specific progression in these verses. If we learn to think biblically about ourselves, then feel biblically, the Lord will enable us to act biblically.

Blessed are the Poor in Spirit

The first beatitude addresses our thinking—the poor in spirit are those who recognize their spiritual bankruptcy before God. We understand that we are unworthy sinners who have incurred an unimaginable sin-debt before our heavenly Father. It reminds me of the old Mastercard commercials. When we rack up the debt of our lies, our lust, our laziness, and all the rest, it’s quite a tab. But eternal forgiveness purchased by the blood of the Lamb, God’s Son, Jesus Christ? Priceless. Those who recognize their sinfulness and their need of a Savior will confess their sins and trust in Christ’s death alone as the payment for their sin. Theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are Those who Mourn

I think many Christian fathers agree with this assessment. But if we stop there, we have only learned the first half of the equation. The next beatitude moves from our head to our heart, from how we think about our sin to our attitude toward our sin. Jesus tells us we should mourn over our sin. And the mourning he speaks of is not the kind of sorrow over getting caught or regretting the consequences of our sin. That is self-centered sorrow. Jesus is calling for the godly grief of 2 Corinthians 7 that flows from being heartbroken over grieving God’s heart.

When I am impatient with my children or make little, cutting comments to my wife, I certainly hurt them. It exposes my lack of love for my family. But deeper still, it exposes my lack of love for God. It’s only when I learn to hate sin as God hates it, when I learn to “not grieve the Spirit of God” (Ephesians 4:30), that I begin the experience of this second beatitude—comfort. Those who truly mourn over their sin, adopt an attitude of hatred for that which God hates, are those who experience the full and free forgiveness of Christ. More than that, it prepares us to experience the third beatitude—meekness that leads to an inheritance.

Blessed are the Meek

Stott is right in observing the counterintuitive nature of this blessing. The world tends to think being meek is not the way to gain great riches or land. Alexander the Great was a mighty conqueror, not a doormat. Successful business executives didn’t climb the ladder to success by being mousy and passive. But this mentality betrays a misunderstanding of God’s definition of meekness. Meekness flows from a proper view of ourselves and a proper attitude toward our situation. It flows from recognizing we are truly poor in spirit and from a God-centered agony over our sin.

We become humble people who gently deal with others because we see ourselves in them—we are bankrupt sinners, just like them. We need to lament and confess sin, just like they do. And this change of heart helps us deal gently with our families. We do not nitpick at their failures or thoughtlessly mock their flaws. We are slow to point out the speck in their eye, because we are weighed down by the beam in our own eye. We are quick to comfort them with the promise of the kingdom of heaven and the forgiveness of the gospel. And we are eager to help them know the beauty of lamenting over our sin and finding hope in Christ.

The reason we can do this is because we ourselves have been comforted by Jesus Christ. Though he knew no sin, he knows our frail frame. He remembers that we are dust, because he took it on himself (Psalm 103:14). He has been tempted in every respect “as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). He is a good and gentle shepherd.

Meekness then, is not the absence of power, but the presence of self-control that grows from right thinking and right feeling. When we, by the grace of Jesus, adopt this humble disposition, he blesses us with an inheritance. Right now, we are blessed “with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 1:3). Then, in the new creation, we will rule and reign with Christ—not domineering those under our charge but serving them in meekness and humility. So this blessing is given to us both now and for the future!

Meekness Lived Out

Let’s bring this truth to bear on one key area of marriage—communication. In my pride, I can be tempted to think I am a better communicator than I really am. Sometimes my wife will look at me as I describe a situation or explain a concept, and I can tell she isn’t tracking. My gut reaction is to look back at her as if I can’t believe she isn’t getting it. I can easily lay the blame on her. But when the tables are turned, and I’m not tracking with my wife, suddenly she’s the poor communicator. She just needs to be more clear with her words!

The Sermon on the Mount reminds me, in this moment, of my moral bankruptcy. I’m driving up my sin debt on my Mastercard with every proud thought. And when I learn to hate that pride, that pride that justifies myself and blames my wife in the miscommunications that every marriage encounters, it helps me hunger for meekness. I begin to enjoy greater desire and love pushing out a lesser one. My greater love for Christ, for meekness, and yes, for my wife, pushes out and kills love for self as I learn to lament and hate my sin. Instead of a proud look, my wife gets, “I can tell I’m not being clear. What part was confusing to you?” And instead of a rude interruption, I try to seek for understanding, “I’m not sure I know what you mean. Sorry I’m so slow in getting it. Can you explain that again?”

We have the great responsibility and privilege of loving and leading our families. And the path forward is through the blessings Jesus offers us—poverty in spirit, hatred of sin, and the meekness that comes with it.