Lessons from Our Father's Discipline

I was standing on the church platform in Hermosillo, Sonora, Mexico, posing with about thirty other dads for a Father’s Day photo. As I had prepared a Father’s Day sermon for that day, I asked myself, “What do I preach on Father’s Day in a cultural context outside my own? What instruction for fathers is sure to be universal, free of cultural baggage?”

I came upon Hebrews 12:3–13, which shifts our focus from human fathers to our heavenly Father, in one of His most defining activities: discipline. Christian fathers are first God’s children. But a study of God’s discipline can reshape how we train our own children. I suggest reading Hebrews 12:3–13 before we dig in.

What is discipline?

Our first fatherhood lesson comes from the word discipline itself. When we hear the word (KJV “chastening”), we can easily narrow its scope to punitive pain. Yet this Greek word includes a broad range of a father’s activities in the lives of his children: instruction, coaching, correction, rebuke—everything it takes to raise a child. Discipline isn’t just pain: it’s training.

Lesson 1: Our children need more than punitive pain.

They need a whole range of our loving, coaching, teaching presence in their lives. If our interactions with our kids are primarily punitive and painful, our child-rearing is incomplete—at least if we’re going to reflect the fatherhood of our heavenly Father.

What form does discipline take?

But make no mistake: discipline will often involve pain! God’s does. The passage even uses the word “scourges” (to strike) to describe the Father’s sovereign activity in our lives. So while God’s training approaches are broader than pain, we can be sure suffering will be included.

Lesson 2: Our children need discomfort in order to grow.

Though we will soon see the motivation behind God’s discipline when it is painful, we cannot ignore the uncomfortable fact that discipline is uncomfortable. We understand the fitness coach’s mantra, “No pain, no gain,” but we often bristle at applying this truth to God’s discipline, or our discipline of our own children. Yes, we must apply pain carefully and proportionally. But we should follow God’s example and be willing to bring pain to bear as we train our children.

What is the motive of discipline?

We easily misinterpret God’s “training pain” as evidence that His control is lost, His attention is diverted, or that His love for us is weak. But the author of Hebrews reassures us that the motive of God’s discipline is always His fatherly love:

For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives. [If you endure discipline], God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? (12:6–7)

God treats us, not as a judge treats a criminal, but a good dad treats his child.

Have you ever seen a child in public whose parents are not training him? (Maybe it was your child!) It seems obvious to everyone but the parent: “This child does not need more comfort or convenience; this child needs to be told ‘no,’ to feel the consequences of selfishness and indulgence. This child needs to be trained.” The author of Hebrews says that’s exactly what God is doing with our suffering.

Lesson 3: We must always discipline our children in love—especially when applying pain.

As we endeavor to train our children, our flesh can easily twist our motives. Our children too easily become threats to our idols of comfort and control. But by the Spirit of God, we can and must always train our children in love.

What is the purpose of discipline?

Love is God’s motive in training us through pain. But what could possibly be so good for us that it’s worth the pain? Hebrews 12 says our spiritual benefit is worth the pain. “[God] disciplines for our benefit, that we can share His holiness” (12:10) and yield “the peaceful fruits of righteousness” (12:11).

Suffering has a unique way of exposing our sin—our misplaced worship, our self-centered motives, our weak faith, our divided loyalties. He loves us too much to let us keep “throwing our tantrums,” indulging our desires, and worship our comfort. He exposes the depths of our sin so that He can do a deeper work of grace: ripping out the works of the flesh so that the fruit of the Spirit may begin to thrive.

Lesson 4: We must align our purpose in disciplining our children with God’s purpose in disciplining us.

Did you get that? Here is where God’s and our disciplinary approach converges. If God’s training purpose is my righteous fruitfulness, then my training purpose for my children should be their righteous fruitfulness.¹

We should want most for our children what God most wants for our children. God’s goals for us as His children are rather simple and focused: He wants to make us more like Christ. Dads, be careful about adding expectations to your kids that aren’t God’s expectations of them. Your heart’s prayer should be,

• “I don’t need them to follow me in my profession, but Lord, make them follow Jesus!”
• “I don’t need them to be as physically strong or athletic as me, but Lord, make them strong and kind like Jesus!”
• “I don’t need them to like all the same activities as me, but Lord, make them love whatever Jesus loves!”

And as we prize most of all our children’s likeness to Christ, and as we match His goals for our kids, God our Father will be training our children through us. Let’s learn from the heavenly Father’s discipline; and let’s match His goals for our kids.

Footnotes

1. Of course, until your child professes faith in Christ as Savior, they will be unable to produce such true righteous fruit. ↩