Listening Practices for Stronger Dads

Recently my family traveled to a cousin’s wedding in another state. Since we found ourselves close to a major American city with lots of famous things to see and do, we decided to fit in a couple of little adventures and excursions around all the wedding festivities and to make memories as a family.

I noticed one thing in particular during the course of the trip, something I’ve observed before in some of my own travels, but being with my family made it all the more noticeable and stark to me. From those around us on the plane to the joggers in the city park, everyone seemed to be listening to something. Earbuds or earphones everywhere. I saw one example of this in particular that was perhaps the most poignant to me: a father walking through a museum with his children, earbuds in place, disconnected from his kids and what he could have been experiencing with them. There’s a lot of listening going on in our society today. Unfortunately, much of it isn’t the valuable kind.

One of the five senses God has given us to be used for good is often either misused or neglected. Dads can easily fall prey to this same misuse and neglect. When it comes to interacting with our families, many of us men can tend to be domineering, combative or defensive. Or we neglect a listening ear altogether and explain it away as our need for downtime or as an escape from the constant barrage of “noise” produced by the busyness of work or family life. If any of that describes you (and I’ve been there!), I want to encourage you to reconsider or even recalibrate your listening habits.

This is not going to be a blog post bemoaning the evils of the various means of audible intake available to us. This is not an anti-earbud article! I have a pair myself, and they have their place. In fact, a bit later we’ll discuss how audio entertainment can intentionally be pursued in ways that make you a stronger dad. The issue for us as dads isn’t that; it’s more the types of listening opportunities that receive our highest priority day to day.

From modeling the patience of Jesus in our family interactions to being disciplined in our audible entertainment intake, the right kinds of listening are necessary skills for every Christian father to develop. If we can reclaim the lost art of listening and not neglect the most important listening opportunities, our walk with God will be stronger, and our fathering will be too.

Priority 1: Listen Intently to God

Perhaps you might think that this point goes without saying or should be part of a separate conversation, but I disagree! A constant habit of listening to God will ensure that your other listening priorities are in their proper place.

Dads, listen to him by prioritizing regular time reading the Word of God. The Bible is how God speaks to us. In it we find his truth, about him, about us, about what he has done for us, and about what he calls for us to do. “Hearing” from God in this way helps keep us humbly on point and locked into the mission he’s given us as his disciples and as fathers. Then continue to listen throughout your day by committing to pondering the truths you saw when you read. True listening involves response too (James 1:22), so submit to what you see in the Word of God, choosing to obey what he reveals.

“Listen” to him by praying for the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom to handle the stressors of family and work life with love, peace and joy. Pray that he would provide you guidance in decision-making for your family. Pray that he would convict you of sin and reveal areas of weakness or failure with your spouse or in your parenting. Scripture tells us clearly that he will do all those things if we are alert and submissive to his promptings!

Side note: we here at Growing Fathers strongly encourage you to develop this particular kind of listening together as a family, too! Dads, forming the habit of family Bible study falls on you. Articles like this one can help you lead your family in that way.

Priority 2: Listen Lovingly to Your Family

James 1:19 is written to all of God’s people, but it sure does seem to be particularly pertinent for fathers! “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Sadly, we as dads tend to exhibit habits that run quite contrary to that! Many of us naturally default to dominating discussion with instruction or interrupting to make our points. We are reactionary in our listening; no wonder James includes anger in this context. With Christ’s help, we can discipline ourselves to be quick to hear (listen) and slow to speak. Create an atmosphere of listening in your home in a way your kids can see through how you listen to their mom, as well.

Patient listening takes immense discipline, time and effort on our part, but it is essential. Sometimes our children can take a long time to tell their story or make their point! But displaying an unwavering interest in what they are saying communicates the love of God to them. Treat listening as an act of love by prioritizing what they have to say over your own agenda or time crunch. Increasingly as they get older, it is important to initiate listening opportunities by asking them questions about their struggles, fears, doubts or insecurities.

A culture of listening in your home takes other forms, too. A dad who lovingly listens will inevitably have his mistakes and wrongs exposed. Be humble enough to listen to the feedback of your family, even your young kids. Then respond by taking the time to provide clarity, humbly admitting fault, or seeking forgiveness.

Be present, too! This speaks to some of the examples I used in the opening paragraphs of this article. Put yourself in a position where you can listen and are free of distractions. When you are with your family, minimize the use of your electronic device or have specific boundaries with your phone for which your family can hold you accountable. Look at your children when they are speaking. Be fully engaged, and show them evidence of it. Aside from your intentional listening to God, there are no more important objects of your full attention than the members of your family. This is perhaps the ultimate modern opportunity to practice the principle of being quick to hear.

Dads, there are different types of listening. We can listen for the purpose of rebuttal, debate, or for a chance to strengthen our position. Or we can listen for the purpose of learning and understanding the other person. In the context of family, one of those approaches is loving and Christlike; the other is not. We can either teach them God’s character or confuse them about what God himself is like toward them depending on how we listen. That much is at stake! Patiently listen in your home.

Priority 3: Listen Intentionally to Edifying Media

That all being said, there’s still lots of great potential that can come through those earbuds! If the two previous listening priorities are in their rightful place, there is much benefit to other listening habits you can develop. The choice of things you listen to when you do have that opportunity must be driven by whether or not they strengthen you.

I strongly encourage you to use a significant percentage of your listening leisure to accomplish the growth of your walk with God and of your knowledge of his world. Acknowledge that every exercise can be done to the glory of God, including what you listen to (1 Cor. 10:31). God receives glory when your mind is directed to him and the amazing things he has made.

Choose music that teaches or reminds you of deep theology and directs you to the character of God, the glorious truths of the gospel of Jesus, and the joy he brings to life. Got 45 free minutes? Listen to a sermon online from your pastor or another trustworthy source. Perhaps best of all, choose to listen to the Word of God itself in audio format. You’ll be surprised how much doing so will transform your knowledge and familiarity with scripture.

Much is available out there to listen to that isn’t detrimental but also provides no benefit for pilgrims in this world like you and me. Choose podcasts that either broaden your knowledge base about God’s world or make you think about God’s truth. Here’s a great recommendation—our own podcast! These resources are all easy to find, so seek them out! By the way, this principle can be broader than you might think. With a little discipline and edifying mindset, history content can direct you to be amazed at God’s sovereign hand at work in the past. Business content can better enable you to steward the resources God has given you. And those are just two examples.

Make these choices on your commute, as you exercise, or while getting ready for the day when the rest of the family is asleep. Don’t simply supplement your entertainment with occasional forms of audio edification, make them primary in that sphere of your life. Enjoy your audible entertainment, but make it secondary in priority to your growth.

Dads, there’s so much listening we have the opportunity to pursue! God has given us so many avenues for ministry and growth through listening. So, in this order, listen to him. Listen to your family. And listen to that which strengthens you as a follower of Jesus, as a servant of him, and as a man to whom he’s given the job of dad.